Holy shit /pol/ help! A turk is giving birth in my house! What do?
What are the chances that one of the kids comes out looking like anzu?
>>79483664
why kill it with fire, of course
>>79483664
If my post is dubs, eat it in the holy name of qek
You have roaches in your house? Gross my man.
>>79483664
Burn it. They make a funny noise
>>79483664
He has his daddy's abdomen.
>You'll never cuddle Anzu in the night
>you'll never fuck her hard enough to curse Muhammad (pbuh)
>>79483664
Dubs say you give it a kebab. They love kebabs.
no don't kill it bro :D
>>79483664
>walk by kitchen
>see turk scuttle out from behind the fridge
>freeze
>he freezes too, looks up at me
>slowly back away, don't want to spook him back into hiding
>grab can of raid
>turk started scuttling back and forth between counter and fridge
>big fat one, bigger than my thumb
>slowly inch towards turk
>scuttles behind fridge
>see him back there, waving around his antennae
>wait patiently for him to come out
>inch by inch, in that strange, stuttering, turkish motion, he comes back out
>wait for it
>turk scuttles
>wait for it
>turk heading right for me
>finally spray raid everywhere
>turk starts spinning around, running in circles, finally gets back behind the fridge, only winged him
>keep spraying into the gap between the fridge and the counter
>some of it got him, I can tell from how his shiny turkish carapace glistens
>turk comes zipping out, right half of his body twitching as the raid's neurotoxins start to work
>foolishly, in a moment of hubris, I try to finish this once and for all
>stomp at him, stomp again, miss both times and the insolent turk scuttles to safety under the fridge
>if only i'd doused him in poison gas, it would've been over
>spray raid under fridge to try and flush out the turk
>he remains unmoved
>wait another minute or two, but the filthy turk just stays cowering under there
>reluctantly return to my computer, haunted by knowledge of the fact that a big fat hairy slimy turk is scuttling around my house for the rest of the evening
fuckin sucks
>>79484911
I made some webms of skewered roaches getting burned to Courtesy of the Red White and Blue
I posted them on 2^3 chan a while back
>>79483664
Gross.
Look at that width ration. Even worse than human beings.
God damn Turks.
>>79485070
REEEE NOT MAKE THEM INTO KEBABS, TREAT THEM TO KEBABS
>its at least half the length of the mama roach
what is that thing its shitting out? is its abdomen specifically made to hold these things all the time? is it normally empty but just continually grows little koksals?
Oh shit kebab removal specialist showed up.
Will it save me?
Everytime a turk shows up in my house i feed it to my bearded dragon
turks btfo
>>79483664
..is it ded?
>>79485277
It's an egg sac
Anywhere from 20-40 koksals in there
>>79485289
FFFF
F
FFFF
F
F
Rest in kebab
>>79485289
Kek
>ywn fertilize Anzu's egg sac
Daily reminder that for every turk your see scuttling around your kitchen floor there's twenty more hiding someplace nearby.
>>79485289
>>79483664
>>79485033
>>79485070
>>79485289
Where the fuck do you guys live that you have roaches? Tell me so I can never go there.
>>79485892
Edgewater Park, NJ. T*rks fucking everywhere.
>>79485892
the south, we have palmetto-turks. niggers can fly, it's awful
>>79486478
vegas has slow, non-flying turks. its a bit of an annoyance, but nothing worth fretting about
>>79485479
>>79485539
>>79485625
It wasn't hungry m8
here have this video recorded from the Chechen War
>>79486787
not bad. keep us posted
>>79483664
it's actually shedding it's skin
>if you wonder how anzu looks like taking of his clothes.
>>79485892
Live in Colorado.
Seen a Native coach roach about twice. Both in really shitty rundown places.
Now in Colorado. It's more likely you get Ants, earwigs, centipedes, spiders, camel spiders, and snakes. And those red June bugs that smell like shit.
>>79486985
That's not how they molt m8, that's an egg sac
>>79487166
Oh, I guess how it explain how fucking homungus it is. My bad.
>>79487041
>camel spiders
They have those in america?? D:
>be mexican
>live with family of 5 and 10,000 turks
>move out, never seen a turk again
My family can't into being clean
>>79484906
>You will never have Anzu fall asleep on your chest as you stare out the window and listen to her rhythmic breathing blend in with the sound of crickets chirping in the distance. The open window lets in a cool summer breeze that hits your warm bodies and creates a childlike sensation, like a soft cloud or familiar blanket. The struggles of tomorrow dissipate into nothing, as i they were never there in the first place. For a brief moment, your
battered heart feels fuzzy and you gently wrap your arm around Anzu and bring her closer. You know that this moment will never die Even when it ends, it will live forever in your heart to the last of your days. Even at old age, it will bring a bittersweet smile to your face as you remember the greatest feeling of your life.
>>79486985
>his
>>79487522
>implying it's not a dude.
>>79487521
>her
>>79487312
They came back to our military bases here in Colorado, 'cause we keep a shitload a military shit here. They thrived annnnd here they are. I've found one in my basement. Not super fucking invasive tho.
>>79487312
I saw on in pendleton CA. Apparently you can also find them in AZ. I'm sure they've spread out and are thriving. Don't frown though those legends you heard are memes
>>79487704
>>79488067
fucking mudslime arachnid refugees
