This is not Romanian shitpost,this is a short story that I want to start the thread with
Just wrote it, it's supposed to be funny etc.
Anyway pls contribute as well with stories and moist memes
Act I
The date at wich our story takes place is a bit uncertain, but I like to place it somewhere before the first millenia AD,let's say around the year 800.
We open the curtains and are faced with an idyllic pastoral setting,lush green meadows dotted with specks of red and yellow crawling towards the horizont in every direction,encircled by an endless blue.
A mighty yellow Sun Lords over all creation from high above,indiferent to the struggles of mere men and unyielding in warmth.White cotton-like forms fill the vastness of the sky and flocks of unrecognizable birds ride the winds,breaking the silence with their shrills and trills.
In the distance we notice the faint outline of a lazy river,slowly flowing out of view.
Surrounding it are energetic balls of fluff, running and tumbling,crying and bleating,shyly jumping in the water,one at a time,as if daring each other to do it.
But the sheep are not abandoned to the elements and the fastidiousness of nature,a silent,unmoving guardian watches over them.A tall somber man, with green eyes sunken into the back of his head,and skin tanned by the sun and wrinkled by time.
This is Gelu, a shepherd, same as his father was and his grandfather before him.And,he hopes, as his children will be.He sits atop a small earth mound overwatching the river, a small wheat stalk resting in his mouth-for no particular reason-his hands rest on a long wooden staff that he uses to heard his flock.
His fingers gently run along the ruggedness of the staff from time to time and his eyes dart from cloud to cloud and from sheep to sheep.
Oddly he is draped in the skins of his protegees,white curly flocks hangi from his shoulders,covering his back and a loose,curly shepherd hat hides his dark hair.His feet are bare as he could not afford a new pair of boots,but he does not seem the mind the gentle breeze that caresses his toes.
>>79317038
If you were to ask Gelu What was the name of this land,he would simply shake his head,shrug his shoulders and rise his hands,and answer half-jokingly "The place where I water my sheep".Lost to time was the name of this place,but Gelu didn't care about such things.As long as he had his sheep and his family,he couldn't care less about what happened in the lands surrounding.
But this day was not to remain an ordinary day,for with the corner of his eye,in the distance,Gelu noticed a black spot that seemed to grow larger and larger.He slowly stood up,as if annoyed by the break in scenery,patted the dust off of his legs,and tightly gripping his staff took a step towards the black spot.he squinted his eyes,but the strong light did not allow him to recognize the nature of the shape.Cursing the Sun in his mind,Gelu took another step.
He waited,there rising above the vast greenness resembling a mighty white tree.When the spot came close enough,Gelu finally recognized it.It was a dark horse with a man clad in black riding atop it."Who could that be?" Gelu thought
"No one from the village has a horse as dark as that,nor dresses in such strange clothes"
He waited patiently, albeit a bit nervously for the rider to come nearer.His features began to come into view.He had a long black braided beard,with two little silvery crosses hanging from each braid.His hair was also long and as black as coal,held tightly in one knot.He had blue eyes,piercing,visible from afar,wich looked out of place resting on his rough,wrinkled face.The corners of his mouth seemed to naturally curl towards the ground,and a mean,unfrendly expression colored his face.When he got close enough to Gelu the Dark rider opened his mouth "dobŭr den!" he said,almost in a shout.Gelu didn't understand.He raised one eyebrow."I probably misheard",he thought.
>>79317093
"Dobŭr den",repeated the dark man,this time slower,while staring intently at Gelu.
Gelu shook his head and rested his chin on his staff."ha?" he responded.The rider looked annoyed.A "tsk" sound escaped his lips as he sucked his teeth.he quickly shifted his eyes from the man,towards the sky and then back to the man."salve" he said this time.Gelu smiled,that he understood.He responded with "salve amicis".
The rider looked a bit reasurred.< "Who are you?" >asked the rider."Gelu" he responded "pastor".The rider stared at the sheep in the background.<"are those yours?"> Gelu nodded,smiling. The dark man gave out an aprobatory hmph while slightly rising his eyebrows.<"Do you know who I am?"> asked the rider.Gelu shruged,he never saw the man before.The rider noded while staring at the sky."Ego sum repraesentativum regni Bulgarum" said the dark man with pride."maxime imperium!"continued the bulgarian,in latin."what empire?",Gelu thought.he didn't know anything about what goes in the surrounding lands.He knew about his vilage,Capidava,and the place where he watered his sheep.The only empire he ever heard about was the Roman one.could the dark man be talking about the Roman empire? No,he said something else when he introduced himself.What was it? Maybe they changed the name of the empire."Da that could be it".Well it doesn't matter what they call themselves now.They still speak latin and there's only one "empire".But what do these romans want now? are they happy that he speaks their language?" Gelu scratched his head.<"and?"> <"And you are now part of the Empire"> answered the rider."but aren't we part of the empire already?"he thought.
>>79317141
or at least that's what he heard.Gelu nodded. "bene".The dark man stared at Gelu,as if expecting something more,or something else,then straightening his back continued <"Go and inform everyone in your village">.Well I can do that,he thought,I'm heading there anyway"."bene" he repeated.The rider squinted his eyes and said nothing.They stared at each other for a while,silently,analyzing each other.Then the rider broke the silence again "Why do you know how to speak Latin?"
Gelu smiled.So it was good that he learned it,well his whole village did,but that didnt matter now.<"A travelling hebrew taught my whole village.It was very expensive" >the dark man raised an eyebrow <"why?"> <"So we can be good roman citizens!" >Gelu answered closing his eyes and swelling his chest. "Romani imperii?" the rider repeated questioningly.Gelu noded with a smile. The rider snorted and turning his horse around gave out a short laugh "Kha evrei!"and rode off back from where he came while waving his hand. Gelu was puzzled."What did the raider say?Eh" said Gelu while rising his shoulders."doesn't matter now.I should head back to the village".He started walking slowly towards his bleating sheep,turning around from time to time until the dark rider dissapeared over the horizont.
continue?
no one? please tell me if it's that bad
>>79317886
so the roman will massacre the village, right?
>>79318136
ok zi-mi te rog parerea ta,nu e evident ca acela e un bulgar,nevoit sa vorbeasca latina,iar gelu il confunda cu un roman?
>>79316996
Why don't you fishing for rewievs in /lit/ or other boards?
>>79318405
scuze am citit printre randuri
>>79318630
yea the mongrel has a point
>>79316996
DON'T READ THIS THREAD. HE'S JUST TRYING TO DISTRACT YOU WHILE HIS 18 BROTHERS CUT OFF THE ESCAPE ROUTE SO THEY CAN ROB YOU.
>>79318630
Because it's not simply /lit/ it's /pol/ related lit,it's supposed to be a parody of the eternal we wuz romans
>>79318918
>fuug :DDD
>>79317187
Act II
We are now presented with a typical dacian settlement,wooden houses and huts,breaking the monotony of endless green.The smell of manure fills the cool air but most get used to it quickly.smoke rises from the center of the village,someone is cooking dinner,hopefully fat succulent pig.Children chase each other on the outskirts and villagers herding bleating sheep,mooing cows and unruly pigs slowly gather from all directions.Gelu owns a small house close to the village,where he and his family,his wife and children live.Before heading to the village he stops home,he herds his sheep into a pen,kisses his wife and hugs his children and then, gathering them all heads towards the center.
"I've met a roman today" he tells his wife, smiling."A roman? what did he want?" she asked widening her eyes."he asked me to tell everyone that we are part of the empire" said Gelu. His wife stared at the ground and then back at him,puzzled. "Aren't we part of it already?" Gelu shrugged "that's what I've heard as well.Maybe they forgot?" "maybe"said his wife scratching her chin, "maybe they forget from time to time who is part of their empire" continued Gelu "yeah,said his wife.It's a big empire after all" Gelu nodded.
>>79319427
Their children were skiping behind them singing and giggling.suddenly Gelu felt a tug on his pants followed by a squeaky laughter."Oh you little devils!"Gelu said turning around,"You want your father to trip ei?You want your father to fall?" "No tata" said the two children giggling and puffing their cheeks" The two boys both had blond hair from their mother and green eyes from their father,and were more energetical than both of them togheter."oh yeah?said Gelu placing his hands on his forehead with only his index fingers pointing forward,giving him a devilish aspect "then you have nothing to fear from me! he said grinning "come here" he shouted while crouching and taking a step towards the two."Nooooo aiiieeeee" came the screams from the boys "tata nooooo it was a joke" "a joke ei? how about this joke!" shouted Gelu while grabbing on of the boys and starting to tickle him. "noooo ahahahahihi stop" shouted the boy almost crying yet laughing at the same time. The other boy looked in horror as his brother was tortured by his father's tickling hands. "you should stop before he pees himself" came a voice from behind Gelu.It was a voice he knew,the voice of his wife Ozana. Gelu let out the air from his lungs,sighing and turned around."you are right" he said staring at her.the joy of his day, the beauty of his life,The loving hand that calmed his sorrows."let's head towards the center,see who's there" she gently nodded.
>>79319533
The noise was growing lowder and lowder as they aproached the center.It was a feast day so most of the village was there or heading there already.Shouts and laughter,pots banging and flutes playing,the fire cracking and the smell of fried meat filled the air.Wooden tables surrounded the roaring fire, with large logs playing the part of chairs.
Gelu recognized Doru with his long beard and large belly, drinking already, swaying from side to side, Vezina the raven haired beauty Preparing food and filling mugs and Istors and his fellow singers blowing in their instruments,as if testing them,waiting for everyone to arrive and for chief Bersobis to announce the start.
Well Gelu recognized almost everyone,he grew up here after all,but those were the people he noticed first.He looked at his children "Dotos, Dan,find some children to play with" The two boys nodded and ran off.Gelu took Ozana's hand and started walking towards a table."let's find a good seat before they are taken" Ozana smiled and agreed.They both sat at a table and waited for Vezina to come,bringing them Mugs of mead.
>>79319582
They made small talk,asking each other about their day,and talking some more about the "roman" that visited earlier.More and more people started to appear filling the emptiness of the night and of the logs. The sky was clear and the stars were shining,now as always in beautiful patterns of wonder and awe.The cool night air gently touched the weary heads of simple men and filled their lungs with calmness and peace.Everything went quiet when chief Bersobis appeared,his white huge beard covering half his body.He raised his hands so that everyone would look at him and announced "Zalmoxis is kind.He blessed us with a peaceful harvest,and I pray will give us a gentle winter" "hear hear" chanted the people.Today,as always,we will feast to his greatness and share our wealth with Him!" "Da! Da!" came the chants. Bersobis raised his hands again."For this sacrifice we have gathered ten cows and four bulls,thirty-two pigs and fourty-one sheep"
Nods were seen and sounds of agreement could be heard."May Zalmoxis keep us and honor us,as we keep and Honor him!"
"DA! DA!" shouts and whistles erupted. the chief walked towards a table,picked up an empty cup and gestured towards young Vezina.She quickly came over with a pitcher and filled his cup.The chief raised the cup above his head and shouted "To many more days!" "To many more nights!" came the response.everyone was raising their mugs,laughing and shouting,takings sips and gulps of cold mead.A merry and cheerful atmosphere filled the night.
>>79319427
Just surrender and we let you live.
>>79319647
nah man going all the way
>>79319631
While everyone was having a good time Gelu stood up from the table,and placing his mug down,headed towards the fire burning in the middle,where moments ago stood the chief.He raised his hands so that everyone would look at him.People started on by one to stop their merriment and instead shifted their atention towards the tall man.Even the chief looked on,curious to his intentions.Gelu cleared his throat,and when he felt that enough people were Watching him he said: "Friends,I have something to tell you" he looked around "today I've met with a roman"
people started whispering,many never saw a roman before. Gelu continued "I've meet him in the meadows, Where the White River runs" "well what did he want?" shouted a voice from the crowd.Gelu looked towards it but it was too dark to see."He said that we are now part of the Empire" The whispers grew louder. "But...Weren't we already?" asked another voice. "I thought so too" came another "me too", "Da" others answered and more and more agreed.Gelu shrugged "I thought so as well.Maybe they forgot?" he said looking at his wife. Laughters could be heard from the crowd. "haha forgot? what kind of empire forgets what's part of it? "A big one?" answered Gelu half-jokingly.More laughter followed,and Gelu let out a short chuckle. "Well Whatever the reason,he said that we are part of it,again"
Sounds of agreement where heard from the crowd. "And what do we have to do?" asked someone. "well He didn't really..." "You morons" came a shout that intrerupted Gelu. "there's no more Roman Empire.It died long ago!"
"what" and "huh" could be heard from all sides.Everyone was searching for the source of the shout. An old thin man with a short white beard shoved some men out of his way while aproaching the fire.He was old Dida,considered by many the local madman. Some people started laughing. Dida walked towards Gelu, squinted his eyes and stared at him then he turned around and repeated
>>79319751
"The Roman Empire is dead,you nitwits" "hahaha you old fool,go away"came a voice. "get this crazy man out of here" said another "Haha he probably had too much to drink" "get him out of here,the fire is too close and it heats his head!" more laughs followed. "I'm serious you fools.There are no more Romans.Why do you think you've never seen one?" some people stopped laughing but many carried on. "why would they come here of all places" asked a voice. "yeah they are too busy" "Busy with what?" shouted Dida "well, conquering.It is a big empire!" answered a voice half-laughing. Laughter exploded and now even those who kept quiet were chortling. "If the Empire is gone,who have I been paying my taxes to, ei? asked a voice "Maybe you should not give your money to the first stranger that comes to town!" answered Dida shoutingly. "Go away crazy man" a woman screamed. "Da,Go away" others followed. and soon it became a chant of "go away". the Old man mumbled something and then left the center before shouting "Morons!" one last time.People started cheering when he was gone and Gelu was left scratching his head.
"As I was saying,the roman didn't mention what we have to do,if anything."But I think that we should inform everyone that passes through that this is the Roman Empire!"
"Da! Da!" the cheering people agreed.Chief Bersobis stood up,walked towards the fire and placed a hand around Gelu's neck.With his other hand he raised his mug,and with a big smile on his cherry red face shouted
"What do we say if people ask us: Is this the Roman Empire?"
"DA! DA! DA!" filled the night sky
A sheep bleats in the distance
the curtains fall
End
>>79319682
TL,DR edition when?
again please actually note the irony etc,it's supposed to be a parody
>>79319858
come on Istvan it's not that long
>>79319533
>The two boys both had blond hair from their mother and green eyes from their father
That sounds about right
>>79319785
well what do you expect they were peasants we know better now !
Nice story anyway.
>>79320880
Thanks.the ending should capture the irony very well with
"What do we say if people ask us: Is this the Roman Empire?"
"DA! DA! DA!" (in romainian,not in latin)
