How do I become a real American? I'm already on 150kg, shower once a week and don't use toilet paper anymore. I'm eating only burgers over the last 4 weeks and watch everyday BBC porn. Fellow Americans I'm doing everything right so far or do you have some tips for me?
>>76614180
Get some guns.
>>76614180
Your next step is to stop using the metric system.
You must be much dumber than you already are.
How do I become a real German? I already invited a migrant to live in my house who fucks my asian girlfriend three times a day and I quit my job so that I can give it to my black friend instead. I'm eating only during the night to respect my muslim friends during Ramadan and watch everyday Scat porn. Fellow Germans I'm doing everything right so far or do you have some tips for me?
>>76614180
How to become a real German:
>spend last 60 years self flagellating since jews convinced you that your country is evil
>pay taxes to buy Turkish neighbor this year's new iphone/jewish electronics
>offer female relatives to Mohammed the """""""teenage""""""" Syrian refugee
>shitpost furiously about the greatest nation the world has ever seen in an effort to control suicidal envy
>accidentally forget to thank the Prophet (PBUH) for culturally enriching your disgusting white country, be brought up on hate crimes charges
dog bless ameriga
>>76614644
A FUCKING LEAF
>>76614932
This
>>76614847
Your doing good so far
>>76614180
Kill some innocent Muslim kids with white phosphorus and say that you're a nice person. Then, when somebody says a few mean words against us some of us Muslims, call him an Islamophobe. You know, 'cause those nasty little words hurt much, much more than white phosphorous.
Start reading the bible and being obsessed with work
>>76614932
>le ebin tu quoque
Claim ancestry you don't have.
>>76614180
Yes you need to stop all those bad habits.
Move to the states, start a heavy routine of weight lifting and jogging. Build a house bunker combo and start buying lots of guns.
ITT: europoors that hate us for our freedom
>>76615296
>be krautanon
>suffer from severe repressed nationalism, bury it deep in subconscious so EU right-think squads don't take me away
>be target of friendly banter from handsome and intelligent amerifriend
>banter strikes a nerve, nearly triggers forbidden nationalist thoughts
>make snarky reference to logical fallacy in thread about shitting pants and eating burgers
>t-that'll show t-them!
Don't worry krautbro, we'll liberate you soon (Trump 2016).
>>76614180
>shower once a week and don't use toilet paper anymore
Use proper hygiene.
Also buy guns.
>>76614180
You also have to eat fries nazifag, duh.
You will also need a mobility scooter and since summer is coming up lose the shirt
>>76615741
Yeah where do the retarded german Ahmeda get these memes?
I shower like 2-3 times per day, depending on how much of a workout or how gory I get at work.
My ass is always clean.
I own literally 15 military grade legal guns and sleep behind 6 feet of concrete underground. Literally i am a stereotype of America.
>>76614180
You need to take laxatives on a daily basis 'to lose weight' (real reason: to shit your pants while shopping at walmart).
>>76614847
You must start reading german classics and despise them for they were all white males and only take them to heart, when they deliver a heartfilled message of hating your own country, because all germans were nazis at some point. Start with "Der Vorleser" and "Hitlerjunge Salomon".
>>76614782
epic burn against those stupid fat americans XDDD
THIS THIREAD IS EPIC
i love a good fresh satire
>>76614180
Yer doin it all wrong, first gtfo with that commie metric system shit and use the imperial system like a god fearing red blooded American, second showers mean you gotta stand up so instead you are going to need a large bathtub, be sure to keep a phone nearby so you can call the fire department if ya get wedged in there. Now as for the toilet paper I gots no idea how you got that un so wrong, you should be using half a roll for every shit, this is the land of plenty, no need to be stingy with it, take a fistful at a time ,ball it up and get er all up in there.
Now where was I? Oh yeah, food. Burgers alone ain't gonna do it fer ya, you gotta get some french fries, doritos, mountain dew, and budweiser in there to to get all your nutrientiments and junk. Lastly you should only be watching lesbian porn cuz if there is another mans dick in it then that makes it gay which the Lord don't care for, bible says for a man to lie with another man is an abomination but it don't say nothing about the ladies.
When you fix all that come on back and we'll sort ya out with merican hobbies as well.
My local library, the county fucking library, has had shit smeared all over its entryway for 6 months. I can't be the only one that sees it.
>>76614180
vote for the party that promises free shit, winning and explain you how the whole world if somehow ripping you off.
>>76614180
I haven't eaten a hamburger in 20 years.
Why does German food suck so much? Honestly...
>>76617267
Rouladen und Klöße sind doch lecker, was gibt es daran auszusetzen?
>>76617067
What why what??
>>76614180
Wtf is wrong with the people of wallmart? My God being that fat is one thing but wipe your damn ass.
>>76614644
>>>/LEAF/
>>76617267
I don't know why tell me?
>>76617476
Das ist ist ekelhaft. Warum gehst du nicht stattdessen gutes essen machen ?
>>76617708
>no Pinkelwurst
Why even bother..
>>76614180
you need guns and getting fater anda fat scouter
and lot flourid water to damage your brain and your IQ sinks on 0815 american level
>>76617589
You bongs have no idea the hell I endure in central Pennsylvania. Fat, Camo, Trucks, Country, welfare, and meth. They hate blacks like /pol/ but collect from the welfare system and it's turned them pseudo nig-nog in the process.
>>76617774
Mir schmeckt's, aber jeder kann essen was er will.
>>76617892
Peesausage what?
Don't forget to hit your head on concrete, you need brain damage too
>>76617708
for americand this will be a 6 star Menu^^
>>76617994
this
whites on meth are just white niggers
>>76615265
>Americans actually reading the bible.
>>76618095
The fat wurst on the far left.
Just how brown are you?
>>76618210
Sadly they don't know what real food is I could not eat this shit everyday
>>76618210
The worlds most prestigious Culinary School is in New York. Chef of the Century Paul Bocuse sent his son Jerome there to "better refine his culinary acumen".
Swiss food sucks too. Thanks for Toblerone though.
:^)
Why do so many people go pantless to a supermarket?
>>76618400
See
>>76618492
Again...why does German food suck so much?
>>76614445
This. Pew pew pew.
>>76614180
How much is 150kg. I'm going to convert it to lbs.
It's 150 lbs. Math nigga.
>>76617994
They say Pennsylvania is Philadelphia and Pittsburgh with Alabama in between.
>>76614180
>>76618400
disguasting this food make you sick
diarrhoea diabetis and depressive
>>76618566
Looks delicious man and again what's wrong with German food?
you are ~330 lbs dnot wipe your ass, is that you in pic related OP?
Also anyone who eats burgers and shit when leafy greens and delicious palm'sized sirloin steaks and Filet Minon are delicious as fuck grilled to medium perfection (just enough pink to be tender and juicy) with a side of broccoli's, light dash sea salt, and a small scoop of mashed potatoes with a drizzle of gravy, a nice big bowl of mango/watermelon/grapefruit/blueberry/apple slices dessert
>>76618573
150 kg = 150 lbs...
>>76614180
Clearly the next step is making sure you come across as uneducated
>>76614932
>watch scat porn
>>76617708
Americans will tip 20% after being served this
>>76614180
>150kg
First, convert that from untermensch metric to glorious American Imperial
Start uncontrollably shitting yourself
Start calling football "soccer", and start calling armored rugby "football"
Complain about mexicans, even if you have never seen one in person.
Start spiking your drinking water with sodium fluoride.
And finally, even though deep down you know your vote isn't even counted, put way too much emotional investment in the elections.
After that, the rest will come to you and you'll be an official burger.
>>76617483
Homeless scum love to shit in doorways.
This thread was moved to >>>/b/688667596
