Describe the perfect employee.
White
Male
Straight
Conservative
6+ feet tall
Fit (No fatties)
MINIMUM 5 years experience in field
MINIMUM bachelor's degree
Hard worker
Great attitude
Sociable
Willing to work on holidays and weekends at moment's notice
After that I'll set him up for an entry level position
Smokes weed and snorts coke.
We complain about niggers together.
Plays support.
>>74085789
Me.
>>74086084
>5 years experience with a bachelor's degree
>entry level position
hope the benefits are really good
you are cancer
>>74085789
Punctual, competent and self motivated with the ability to learn and adapt without a lot of supervision.
"stick-to-it-ness", Moxy, Gumption, Grit,
Honorable and Ethical. Loyal and respectful.
Fat black and loud. If it's good enough for the federal government it's good enough for me.
>>74086623
>hope the benefits are really good
Possible chance of upward mobility. May get an extra 15 minutes for lunch.
Oh I forgot, no smokers, drinkers, or addicts. Mandatory piss test daily
>>74086084
you are superficial as fuck.
someone willing to overcome themselves, to admit if they are wrong and improve themselves
someone honest in the correct situations
someone who socially active and engages with others
a person who works hard, and takes orders well, but knows how to help others if the orders are wrong or ill-thought through
>>74086850
If I wanted anything less than the best I'd just outsource.
>>74086840
>Oh I forgot, no smokers, drinkers, or addicts. Mandatory piss test daily
I'm ok with all this.
As a hard working immigrant, when can I start?
>Laid back but hard working
>Is a realist
>Drinks Yeungling
shows up on time
does his work without needing constant direction
A fucking white male.
>>74086976
If you fit all that criteria and can provide a minimum of 10 professional and 15 personal references, and submit to a background check, I'll add your application to the stack.
>>74085789
A robot
>>74086084
>OP asks to describe perfect employee
>Describe ideal wife instead
- Black, Latinx or Arab to add diversity in my teams
- A woman, to achieve parity which was PROVEN to enhance performance.
- Gender non-conforming or any marginalized community, if possible (the rest of the company will change our behavior, for our own good)
- Art or x-Studies degree will show that candidate have a strong critical mind, unlike STEM-bots
- Asking for the same salary as my most skilled engineers is a plus, even at entry-level unskilled positions; it shows a solid grasp of Keynesian economics and a Strong-and-Independant winner temperament.
>>74087409
>Wife
>Male
>Pakistan
Why haven't you been stoned yet?
>>74087409
fucking great banter, Pakistan
look mane, I was watching a documentary on Pakistani gun markets, are guns legal there?
also I heard that you guys pretty much never get any alcohol, but many people smoke hash, what do authorities do about that?
>>74085789
iq in 99th percentile
>>74086840
lol with those requirements you're getting an Indian or art major
>>74087899
Welcome to the job market. Got a problem with it? Go to Wendys for a job.
>>74086840
>Oh I forgot, no ... addicts.
You can't do this without running afoul of federal anti-discrimination laws. Drug addiction is a disability under these laws, and you are not permitted to categorically exclude people with disabilities. Enjoy getting raped by the DOJ.
>>74088383
Lol nearly every government job requires drug tests. I've thought long ahead of that little hurdle by securing government contracts.
>>74087476
>A woman, to achieve parity which was PROVEN to enhance performance.
Is this a taiwaneese shitpost, or has there actually been done a study?
>>74086084
>MINIMUM 5 years experience in field
>After that I'll set him up for an entry level position
Excellent meme friend, I liked it a lot.
>>74088616
>ahead of that little hurdle by securing government contracts.
Right, you can be fired or not hired for being a drug user, post-facto. But employers are not permitted to categorically ban all addicts.
>>74085789
White, hardworking, and a bit antisocial
>>74088871
>Piss test every day
>Addicts
Kind of hard to set up an addiction in one day
Shows up on time.
Doesn't fuck me over.
Produces more than what he costs.
>>74086084
>>74087705
Answer this
>>74088616
Californian here
I know a lot of people who have worked in gov't without ever taking a drug test
>>74089949
Not odd considering you're in the addiction-riddled commiefornia
>>74085789
My ideal employee once I become Manager of my area (which won't be for another 5 years) would be someone that continues our boys club tradition.
We are locked in our own area in a secure server area. So we genuinely dick around a lot and we don't want outsiders ruining our not so politically correct good time.
If they are an actual man (no leftists or SJW's obviously) and can take banter and do the job at an acceptable level I would hire them.
>>74085789
Not black
>>74086840
>daily
Posts in a chinese knitting website
>>74085789
>Fucked up in his Life
>Married with massive amounts of children.
>Desperately needs Money to support his Family.
>Unemployed wife.
>Father and Mother allready died.
>Has no brothers.
>Introvert
>>74085789
they do their job and dont waste time socializing with others on the job...
thats best left for the 1 time a year company picnic. attendance is mandatory
>>74085789
>shows up on time
>does what's necessary
>asks for clarification where needed
>does shit as usual otherwise
>honest
>doesn't give a rat's ass about 'muh diversity quotas'
>doesn't coddle cute interns so as to actually encourage their continued presence
Hates small talk
Utterly obedient and submissive to authority
Minimum 110 IQ
Happy to perform repetitive tasks
Never willing to complain or ask for raises
>>74085789
Female
Attractive (tig ass bitties and dat ass like 2 planet)
Scores coke, MDMA, and acid
Constantly horny as fuck
Will literally fuck anywhere
Doesn't even care about being paid just wants to hang out
Minimum MD/PHD, 10 years work experience post-grad, and 5 references
Idk but those who pass the job interview will have to face me in a boxing ring. This should weed out women and nu-males.
>>74087011
Let's start a business
Does his job diligently, has high charisma and capacity for teamwork, is intelligent enough to figure out shit on his own without a great amount of explanation. Is cool with everyone
big titties
The perfect employee lances the boar when ordered.
The perfect employee ignores the screams of the wild beast and the barking of the hunting dogs.
The perfect employee doesn't panic when 800 screaming pounds of tusk and flesh come charging at him.
The perfect employee stays resilient in the face of the beast.
The perfect employee takes down the beast with one swift and clean thrust into its heart.
The perfect employee does this so that we may eat.
>>74090800
Calm down Tyrone, you're never going to be an employer anyway.
>>74092018
I'm sorry but not everyone can just go out and rape the world to quell the thirst like you mongols.
the perfect employee is literally just someone who is competent at their job, shows up on time and dressed appropriately, and doesn't bitch. that's all it takes to be employee of the year. employees that go above and beyond every day and try to impress the boss end up burning out and are just annoying. give me 5 middle of the pack types who follow orders over 5 people who are constantly trying to do the job of someone 2 levels above their station.
>>74085789
I'm easy going as long as they are not libtards, femitards or SJWs in general, just because I don't want to support people who are destroying the West.
>Hot body
>decent face
None, subcontract everything possible while still actively growing the business. Work on your business not in your business...delegate delegate delegate.
>>74085789
>perfect employee
Well I'm in the business of shitposting, so I'd say an Australian would be best suited for the job
