What u think of my lyrics?
Kind of nice, charge your phone btw OP :^)
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>>64285723
you like jeff mangum a lot
>>64285723
Surprisingly good for /mu/
>>64286093
Thanks :)
ARE YOU PLAGIARIZING ME
hello sufjan good lyrics mate
how about me, /mu/?
kinda rap shit
Match my visions with your anger
Control the master.
Call the facts inaccurate so all the fallen have to do is follow.
I solemnly swear to walk backwards every time the jaw snaps and alongside of that, I'll try to not feel hollow
Feed the sorrow. Lick the face of a degenerate
Belly rub the anarchist for tearing down the temple he thought he can't topple
When crisis emerges, walk away quickly, 'cause, little did they know, it's another pill hard to swallow
Martyr embargo.
You keep yours and we'll keep ours out of heavy arms reach.
Only knives provide ground for the squabble.
It's a polarizing experience when fear mixes with pure lust and the vixen you once craved for becomes a deadly drug. I barely shrug weight off my shoulders, but I do it just enough so when the new rocks roll in, I'm able to keep it together, even if it is with the consistency of limestone.
My pride's gone and all that’s left are twists and turns of the cyclone
Screw the line. I want the entire multi-dimensional plane
Pull the lever. Scream in anguish as art starts to resemble the pain
Thoughts disassemble the mystery of tomorrow.
Listen, argue and be pissed at lizards which don't deserve the first place.
It's where you're supposed to be.
>>64285723
It's like you took all NMH songs and crammed them together into one short song.
r8 mine pls
I had this on my phone for 3 years and almost forgot about it
>>64286481
if this were less coherent i could imagine this being something like talk talk lyrics and also
>week will die
you silly goose
>>64286481
>piece
ugh
>>64285723
this is very magnum inspired. If this you are somewhat starting out writing lyrics, then its natural to be simmilar to artists you like and desu its pretty good.
If I were you, I'd work on condensing my images more. For example, I find your first paragraph a bit tedious. The images are very nice and evocative, but when you have to use so many lines to depict it loses impact. Imagery is all about getting your point across with as little words as possible.
>>64285723
This litterally screams NMH or any crappy "deep" indie rock.
If you want to write like this you need to find a good balance between sounding organic and natural and "mmuh poetry"
A little more "the only girl I've ever loved.... and less "was born with roses in her eyes"
not op but here is a short one I wrote about a girl I wanted to fall in love with but I would not let myself.
Haunt me I beg you
Project your lips
litter kisses on my bare chest
claw my insides, erode my voice
paint my skull to colors of your choice
haunt me I beg you.
scar my cuts of broken bottles
grasp to my fingers when i fall
grasp to my fingers right now
lonely snakes you make them rattle
haunt me I beg you,
fierce snowdrop, would you oblige?
your fainting pearls still blot my skies
suburban stars are quite ethereal
When you pluck them off fledgling trees.
shrubbery
>>64286854
This is actually really fucking good.
only the last two lines of the second paragraph kinda break the flow "it's hard to tell just with lyrics though" maybe it's just the second "grasp to my finger" because I like the snake line
>>64286915
yeah I think that second part is the weakest too but it relates too something that happened. I cut my finger on a broken bottle at a party once and she took care of it...
it melted my heart.
>>64286952
And of course the point of it is that this is supposed to be adressed to her, and the meaning of this part is that im falling into alcoholism and I want someone to be there so I dont.
>>64286457
you're not aesop rock, stop stretching your bars
>>64287855
I'm also not Illogic or Kristoff Krane or Eyedea.. What's your point?
>>64285723
Jeff is that you?
I can rap
Sabotage Christmas, crap in your stocking
I'm wrapping up all the presents
In fucking camouflage so you can't even find 'em
Jack Santa Claus, snap Rudolph's antlers off
Wrap his schnoz in gauze bandage and blind him
Blowing a head gasket at Bed, Bath and Beyond
Put the basket back all the bath salt packets are gone, I
Know you really tired of me sampling Billy Squier
But classic rock acid rap is the genre
Got Slash on guitar, splash of Bizarre, Thrasher, and Aerosmith
And I'm a spectacular archer, feed Count Dracula, Chocula
Godzilla, half dragon and Bob Dylan,bandwagoners
I'm kicking the damn stragglers off and I'm strangling 'em
Smack Kim Basinger on her ass in the sauna
