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You are currently reading a thread in /mu/ - Music
You are currently reading a thread in /mu/ - Music
>>61887241
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=d3UJ_BWL-ZQ
I'll never get over her. Mostly because she hates me now and treats like me shit. That just makes me like her more. Why am I such a fucked up loser?
http://youtu.be/j1k8QaKQGXE
I've wasted years of my life on drugs and now I'm not so sure I'll be able to make up for it in school. I think I've fucked up my life for good now.
>>61888909
Here's a Rec friend :^)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4BMZ7wfLyno
I feel inadequate as fuck about my music, I can never write lyrics on par with my favorites and my chord progressions and riffs are always so simple. The worst part is is that my favorites are fairly simple too but I just don't feel like I'll ever be at their ability :/
https://youtu.be/UeNHlE7U2NQ
I survived being the sexless slave of a feminazi granny who convinced me she was a loving goddesss incarnate and that I had a lot to apologize for because I was born male. My family doesn't know this ever happened, nor will they ever find out. It was as embarrassing as it was soulcrushing.
https://youtu.be/IlyeoNiv4Tw
I have a cousin who is completely obsessed with me. He won't stop messaging me. I dont have much time to talk with him, but I feel obligated to. Nobody in my extended family has told him that he has a congenital heart disease that basically spells his death by age 16 or 17 if he's lucky. He's 15. I want to distance myself but he keeps forcing his life into mine and it's (no pun intended) heart-breaking, almost depressing.
>>61889335
Yeah I've listened to it. It's my favorite Weezer album. Thanks anon
>>61889803
What happened between you and her that caused her to be bitchy and mean to you?
>>61889689
If he's gonna be dead soon you might as well spend time with the poor bastard, if it's what he really wants.
Must be tough though, sorry anon
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F2AitTPI5U0 >(it's my childhood song)
I suck at making friends. I want to have talk with people, but I suck at holding conversations. When I talk to someone I really want them to like me, so therefore I walk on eggshells on what I say, so I don't say anything dumb. But all I end up doing is sound boring and awkward. It puts people off, and makes me feel so stupid everytime.
>>61889684
>sexless slave of a feminazi granny
it sounds like the most interesting story ever tho
…greentext?
>>61889689
Be a good boy since he'll die a virgin, you might as well suck his teenage dick ;) just sayin'
>>61889831
She's a selfish greedy and attractive bitch, and Im an unatractive loser so she can just treat me however she wants whenever I see her and she suffers no consequences. There's other stuff to the story but it's long and pathetic and I don't really want to get into it lol
>>61889928
Yeah Pinkerton is the album for you
>>61888909
Good song senpai
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=penvn9VL32Y
I have intense fears about what I'm going to do with my life if I can't get accepted into any grad schools next semester. I don't really have any backup plans, and I feel too old to go back to school for a different degree.
Also, I vaguely regret never fucking a cute dude I met online a few years back.
https://youtu.be/Ta46M5rksBk
i know that it won't work, that we fool each other since months, but hey you make me happy; i hope it's mutual too.
>>61889887
Ok - it's not pretty, though.
>Be me, five years ago
>Exploring my spirituality during college
>Stumble on this site for special snowflakes that believe they're alien spirits incarnated on earth
>I go with it and join
>A day after I joined, this old woman messages me
>I feel strongly like I shouldn't respond, but I go against my gut instinct and start talking to her
>We swap emails and start talking even more
>For some reason, I feel a pheremonal pull towards her and become hopelessly in love
>We meet up and begin living together
>No sex, ever, though
>No romance is allowed, either
>She brainwashes me into accepting the concepts of male inferiority and a world system created by a male god to supplant female superiority
>She brainwashes me into believing that she's a goddess reincarnated
>She tells me she is fighting this male god to return the universe to it's rightful design under womanhood
>For some reason, without proof, I believe her
>Each day I am made to feel worse and worse about my genitalia
>Each day, our relationship degrades into a slave and master existence
>Each day, under her tutelage, I feel myself becoming less human and more bestial
>Eventually I am kept in chains, as that's "all I'm good for"
Finally one day I could take it no longer and fled. It took some therapy to bring me back, but I'm mostly my old self again.
Sorry if it seemed a little short, to give the full details would take quite a bit of telling.
Out On the Weekend - Neil Young
>mom is dying of brain tumors and kidney failure and I don't know how to help her or my 9yr old sister
>>61890309
damn, that's sounds awful; glad you have fled this crazy!
>to give the full details would take quite a bit of telling
well frankly I'd like to read more of your story if you have some time to write it down
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MgzG2JiQ6Q
i want my close dude friend to suck my dick but i wont say anything about it cause that's weird and he would probably freak out desu
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vH73KPV11hE
My only really good friend is transferring universities and I have room with random people next year again.
https://youtu.be/ZnsxOaK29Jo
A few weeks ago, I helped an hungarian homeless traveler by offering him shelter for the night at my place. We ended up having sex. Fucking stupid. Fucking fucking dumb. I might have HIV now. I'll know if I'm positive tomorrow afternoon. Idiocy at its best.
I love this thread
>>61889689
you really should just be nice to him. He doesnt have much time left, after all.
>>61890764
Is he even into dudes?
>>61890964
Christ, that's an interesting story. Hopefully nothing serious turns up.
>>61890613
Alright. I'll tell what was emotionally the worst part.
>In the last few months I was with her
>She meets someone else
>A man about 10 years older than me
>Brings him in to the house
>Oddly enough, she doesn't try to enslave him or brainwash him
>Maybe he already is part of her crazy online cult
>Instead, they start romancing
>When I protest at the unfair treatment, she tells me their love will help break down the will of the male god and bring about "the zero point singularity"
>She says I'm unworthy to achieve this with her and that my love and worship of her disgusts her
>She chains me to the end of the bed
>They fuck in front of me
>As she rides him, facing me, the man gloats cruelly, making direct eye contact with me from behind her back
>They finish, the man leaves, and I am chastised for crying
>I was the world's biggest cuck.
Damn, thinking about it has put me in a suicidal mood again. I don't know if I can handle sharing much more.
>>61890309
Did you ever, at any point, consider going Trans?
>>61890613
I second this
a padlock :--)
>>61890964
hahahahaha holy shit please follow up on this tomorrow
>>61890964
greentext? :D
>>61887241
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZBKFoeDKJo
i wanna ask my qt.314 friend out but she's not over her ex yet and we can't really click outside of art and music. she's a bit of a shut-in and we can't seem to get a conversation going. sometimes she gets jealous of how easy for some of my other girl friends and i easily talk and bond over the stupidest shit.
>>61891341
aw shucks i thought you finally left for good
>>61891269
Yes, actually - a notion that hasn't entirely left me oddly enough. I highly doubt I ever will, though - I don't have the highest self esteem, but every day I have a penis is a day she doesn't win in my book.
>>61891210
You can heal anon, you are valuable and I believe in you!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_D3udbawA1Q
My apathy is just ruining everything about my life
>>61891210
If this is true this is fucking insane, what a weird old bat. Find a (sane) women your age would be my advice anon.
>>61891163
nah but neither am I.. weird situation, last night he was talking about how he jerked off to a male musician though so who knows
>>61891384
he he
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCipKmyngLY
i'm going to be graduating from university in 4 months, i feel like i've learned nothing of real importance. my grades are crap, C+'s mainly and i know it's all my fault because i never do the readings and i skip a lot.
i only ''dated'' one girl during my 4 years at this school and i know it was just a rebound for her but i still think about her everyday
i have no plans or hope for the future
>>61891393
Thanks, anon - I can't begin to tell you what that means to me.
>>61887241
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zO2F48JKIlo
Because of my poor self-esteem I can only allow myself to express or acknowledge my affection towards someone when I feel trust them. Over the past year or so I've become really close friends with someone but I have to restrain myself from feeling anything towards her, or 'acting weird' because of my conflicting feelings, because she has a boyfriend and plenty of friends as close as me anyway.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v065buRu7HY
I wasted my college years playing video games in my room and not taking classes seriously. I'm in junior year now and I still don't know the names of most people I see.
Now that I actually want to be social, I'm scared it's too late.
>>61891535
You're very welcome. It may be a long road ahead but every step counts.
>>61891499
ok im going to go do organic chem now, thanks for the motivation
>>61891623
lol np. good luck
>>61891433
Too late, I swore off women entirely. I still enjoy the female form on occasion, but I don't think I'm ever going that route again.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18S8D8kHFlE
She probably is losing feelings for me. I don't know how I'll truly get over her. If I saw her 10 years from now, I would more than likely drop everything just to talk for a few minutes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_oVyZxvUlPc
i can't stop thinking about suicide
>>61887241
https://youtu.be/uAWna_Vr65M
I spent my entire teenage years doing nothing with no one because of social anxiety. I wasted this summer depressed after quitting my job due to social anxiety and now I feel like I'm gonna spend my entire life trying to make up for what I've missed out on because of it. I'm studying at university now but it still makes me feel empty inside because I can't bare to be around people/can't sleep at night knowing I'm having to be around people.
And everyone just thinks I hate them.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxqZYe90--c
Threw away a relationship with my best friend because I thought I was too busy to just sit around and play video games anymore.
Just realized how special and rare that kind of relationship is.
Just realized how autistic I am.
>>61889137
can I ask what drugs?
mfw /mu/ go /soc/
:3
>>61891499
I'm graduating in a year but I feel you.
My problem was I majored in something difficult for the wrong reasons.
You?
https://youtu.be/_n-8iPfI-o4
I've been dating my girlfriend for three years and its getting more and more obvious she don't love me anymore. I go to a bar every monday at 5:00 to talk with one of the servers that I long for and seems to want me as well, but I have never pushed for anything beyond flirting and friendship because I don't want to hurt my girlfriend who no longer loves me.
>>61891737
you should look into Klonopin. I have crippling anxiety as well, and it really helped me.
>>61891210
hey it's over , it'll only get now better :)
>>61887241
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPqLJJfrVVY
I have never used a urinal, I just use cubicles. I also usually pull my trousers down when I have a piss, and I use a piece of toilet paper to wipe my cock after pissing.
Might as well have a vagina desu.
How the fuck are you supposed to get rid of the piss drops just by shaking your willy? If I try to do that I just make pissstains in my boxers.
>>61891871
Opiates (mainly heroin, dilaudid and opana,) and benzos.
>>61892704
break it off. The longer you wait the more it will hurt. If you dont do something about it, she will. The last thing you want is to find out she is cheating. Besides, you already have another girl interested in you. You deserve better.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=by1gpV_3PUo
I've been depressed since I was 16. Went to therapy/took meds but didn't work. It took years to find out that my chronic fapping was the main cause. It's been 2 weeks and I feel so much better. I feel like an idiot.
>>61892773
Sounds like you have penis problems
>>61892872
so you're saying I should stop jacking off m8?
>>61892919
If you stop wanking you have wet dreams.
>>61892773
You just jiggle till it's all gone. I don't know how people do it so quick though. I usually have to shake for a bit so I don't get piss on my pants.
>>61892930
wet dreams aren't that great
>>61892919
No completely, but you should regulate to at least once a week I'd say.
>>61892946
I was plagued with them when I was young until I started wanking.
>>61892773
boxers are supposed to soak that up. Are you just grossed out by that? It dries up, yknow.
>>61893027
Yes
>>61891570
its never too late buddy
>>61892967
will do, I need something to help with depression that im not already doing
Dead Flag Blues - GYBE
Im a loser. I stay at home most of the times when I'm not taking my classes. Everyone else is out there having fun while I'll just watch some black and white Hungarian film and feel happy about it. I think I've completely lost the sense of being close to others or I just can't be arsed about trying to socialize. I know I'll die alone someday, just hope I'm wrong and someone is there by my side to hear me out for one last time.
>>61892773
>I use a piece of toilet paper to wipe my cock after pissin
i do that and lot of men do that too i think, you shouldn't worry too much about it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EvTQ6K70zlE
i just wish i was a kid again, i'd give everything for that
>>61893068
Nothing wrong being alone. If that's what you enjoy, enjoy it. Don't try to go and be someone else to make friends. That will only attract fake friends.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkQc7zllKQA
27 years old with no direction. i'm minimalist when it comes to money. i dont need much. i've been trying for years to be a musician and it has failed. being in a successful band is still my plan, but ill have to move closer to a better music scene.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_Yn_SPmHXU
I wasted my last 3 college years being a shut in. I can only really blame myself, but it's hard when absolutely no one gave a shit about me, and made no attempt to help. Things are kinda coming up milhouse now though, so whatever.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bb2mAJbH5AU
She revealed to me all this shit and now I don't want to deal with any of it
>>61893124
>if that's what you enjoy
I don't think he does. I never liked the "nothing wrong with being alone" advice bullshit. Being truly alone sucks.
>>61889137
the ending of blue dream is great
>>61893288
I'll help you anon
>>61892732
Thanks anon. I'll look into it. I don't know what defines it as crippling, but I've went months without leaving the house even though I have friends who invite me out places (I just come up with shit excuses). It goes in cycles.
>>61893687
The longer you stay in your comfort zone the worse things get. You have to push yourself.
t.Recovering agoraphobic.
She talks to me everyday and tells me about how they're constantly fighting, and told me that if they ever broke up and gave her some time to get over him I might have a chance. Yet, she always goes back to him.
The jealousy is tearing me apart inside. Sometimes it hurts so much I feel like screaming. I love her so much, /mu/...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JVM1aHrBU4
>>61893633
thanks buddy, I'm good
>>61893687
You sound like me in first year. the best advice I got was that recovering or improving yourself won't be a sudden realization and an overnight change. It's a daily grind. Other than that, seek help also.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5YdyEjC_FIU
When you're depressed, you feel it after brief moments of happiness. Maybe you saw something funny on 4chan. Maybe someone texted you for once. Then that happiness is ripped away from you. You forgot what you were excited about. You realize normal people are happy because they get excited about their future. But you think about your future and see nothing - not sadness - just the same shit. You'd rather be sad. You wish you could cry but you just can't. In the little conversation you have, you dwell on the negative because it's cathartic, not because you're actually concerned with the negative situation you brought up. You could care less. Apathy is your default setting. The other person pretends to care, and maybe he does, but you're only burdening him with your problems. You wish you could tell the person that you really don't give a shit and you're talking just to talk - living just to live. You don't understand how this person defaults to positivity, and why you're not connecting with this person. You just spoke from the heart. He should be drawn to that, right? You were brought up to be an empathetic person. It's been your downfall. You wish people told you about their problems. You'd like it more than a fun story about barhopping last weekend. It's your area of expertise. You'd have a lot to say about it. If only. If only you could talk about how everything is meaningless you'd be happy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S92nxs7MIJw
recently i've been really overwhelmed by life. i've got such ambitious goals but i'm just so apathetic towards everything i feel like i could die having achieved nothing.
though i'm starting to take piano lessons later this week and i'm very excited about it
>>61893879
Stop worrying about the future m8
>>61893763
Move on man, I was in the same predicament and lost so many chances to meet new people, now I'm trying to break away from that and I'm actually starting to see the bigger picture, worth it.
>>61894074
>>61893879
>>61893068
well at least now I know I'm not the only one lol
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-odF-y1nQvw
this guy who was into me has been ignoring me and i feel hurt by it. i guess i'm not good enough for anyone anymore.
>>61893859
>>61893720
I've been trying my best, I keep thinking about the missed opportunities/money lost and it's disheartening.
But I know really I couldn't help it.
I'm helping myself slowly, putting myself up to stuff I want to do but always avoided, such as foreign language classes/voluntary opportunities teaching and stuff. It's fun but still extremely scary.
>>61894275
You haven't been trying your best don't give me that shit.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMuo7GFXa0k
I spent a lot of time and money learning to play guitar and bass because I want to be a musician but my song writing skills are shit.
>>61894170
I really want to, but it's so hard. I never felt a connection like this to a girl before, not even to my ex's...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8yMaQ8vHQEU&index=67&list=PL9wMdVdowjKnBHMedyzMSiO7HgsRWaAvd
>>61891499
Love that song. also, i'm just about to graduate and have only had one gf and am a shit student too, damn
>>61894302
Thanks.
>>61894408
It's true and you know it.
I know it too because I'm not trying my best either.
>>61894431
It is true.
That's the difference between us and the people not posting their problems on 4chan I guess.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hhbuhtx4ZDU
why do you only talk to me when you're high? fuck you, you beautiful bitch
>>61890764
3 hours on and i still feel this way
>>61894260
fuck him
>>61892185
english language and literature
yes, i know
>>61894808
that's what i'm feeling a lil so i'm hoping me getting over him will happen relatively quickly
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqHTa561Ua0
I like this girl.
She's in one of my classes and we always make eye contact and just stare at each other for at least 3 seconds. I wish I had the confidence to go up and talk to her.
>>61894859
is he ignoring you when you text him and shit? cos that shit is just unjust
>>61894997
yeah, i texted him a couple times w/ no luck. it'll all be good in the end i guess as time moves on
>>61894997
yeah i texted him a couple times w/ no luck. it'll all be good in the end i guess as time moves on.
>>61894886
You just gotta steel your nerves and talk to her. Even if you fuck up at least you'll get some experience on approaching girls.
>>61894886
There's a qt I've been thinking about for a couple of months now, we make eye contact from time to time but she ain't in my group so we don't share any classes. Afaik we have no commons friends. Sucks balls.
Just speak too her like any other human being you gigantic melon
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InFbBlpDTfQ
I'm absolutely worthless. Life is so grand and complex, and I can't comprehend and adjust to it. I'm scared of the future, and I don't see a way out. I'm told that I'm intelligent and compassionate, but I still feel so absolutely incompetent and scared. I don't know what to do anymore.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zy7V5DXUhCM
I wish this guy would come out with more albums like his first.
The only times I'm not miserable are when I'm sitting in a fog of apathy. When I do get emotions, I just want to feel nothing again.
Broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago because I was scared my parents would find out, didn't wanna lead him on and tell him to wait because he genuinely deserves better, besides I felt like too much of a burden with my problems. The next day I explain everything to him and make it clear that we might still have a shot in the near future. he tells me that it wouldn't work out anyways. I fucking loved this dude, you know? this wasnt sad but something that's been bothering me and on my mind
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxq0tQRfvNs
>>61889689
wait that is pretty much insanely fucked up, how the hell are his parents that awful of people? why wouldn't they just tell him?
>>61895718
Those feels are all too real.
>>61891355
Hm, alright.
>Be me, french, end of November
>Going home after a few drinks at bar, because bored
>A guy with an accent stops me and asks me for a cigarette
>Long story short, we end up bonding on a bench at night, we talk, he learns me some hungarian words
>Feel pity for him because he's traveling and has been on the streets since he arrived in France
>I offer him to stay. I find him handsome but didn't have any intentions
>At home, sitting on the floor, drinking as he talks about women and how french girls are unattractive personality-wise
>I tell him I'm a fag, he looks surprised
>At some point he just starts kissing me
>Wtf.png
>He says he just likes kissing and that a mouth has no gender or whatever
>We go to bed, he starts groping me under the covers, his mouth is reaching for mine again
>I haven't been intimate with anyone since summer, so why not
>He turns me over so I'm laying on my side and he's behind me
>Uses saliva as lube and enters me
>Kissing has lost its passionate twist and is now just... gross
>Fucks me until he cums
>We both fall asleep without saying a word
>Next morning, he acts as if nothing happened
>He thanks me and leaves
>I realize a hungarian homeless person came in me last night
Yummy, life choices.
>>61893879
This is so accurate it actually hurts, god damn it anon I've been trying to say this for months and could never explain myself properly. The worst part is now I know how to say it, I doubt I ever will and that fucking kills me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WYBifGynf6g
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=etebeZDt7Eo
THE PENDULUM IS SWINGING, BABY
>>61892872
>not jerking it the greatest amount of times to maximize hedonistic pleasure
I've honestly never gotten how people get depressed from masturbation
Not to say I don't believe it occurs, I just don't know why it does or why people feel negatively about masturbation in the first place
>>61893343
It does for most people, but it's not like outliers don't exist. Personally while I like the idea of having at least one person very close to me ultimately I feel I could probably go without any serious social contact for a long time.
>>61891372
That's enough to bond over. Be patient friend
>>61893879
>You wish people told you about their problems. You'd like it more than a fun story about barhopping last weekend. It's your area of expertise. You'd have a lot to say about it. If only. If only you could talk about how everything is meaningless you'd be happy.
The unfortunate thing is that people who'll tell you their problems don't necessarily want a dialogue. They are, in some way, unwilling to struggle against their misery, and those who don't want help can't be helped. You are left with yet another static front of melancholy and injustice.
All you can do is find comfort in changing your perspective.
>>61896486
It's nice to see another VDGG fan on /mu/
I want my mate to jerk me off with his feet, I feel kind of gross about it especially since I'm straight, but I can't help it lmao fuck
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jo1POLhE450
I love her so much, but I'm not even allowed to talk to her because of how badly I fucked it up.
>>61896859
this so hard desu senpai
>>61893879
fuck...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCSc0qkUshg
I want a new car.
>>61896821
Hammill is in my mind both one of the greatest creators and performers of music. His voice alone puts him among some of the best musicians.
>>61894886
Theres this one girl in my class thats a 10/10 in my book, she's literally perfect but I don't even know how to start talking to her. Even if I did it would be pointless, she's way out of my league. The only interaction I've had with her was when someone pulled the fire alarm and I said I hoped the lab burned down so we wouldn't have to turn in our mid-quarters, and she laughed, but that was months ago and I doubt she even knows my name now. Fuck, I can't muster up the courage to say anything again, it's pointless, futile. If only I wasn't so goddamn antisocial, the last time I had a girlfriend was junior year of high school, I graduate from college this year and I'm still a virgin. I need some music for this feel, my pleb shit just isn't cutting it
I'm even more delusional now. I can't maintain any sort of normal reaction or thought pattern when someone talks about me in a positive light in any manner. I keep getting told that my grades are good when I have a horrid GPA. Everyone tells me I don't look disgusting, yet I can see that I am a 1/10 at best in every department. I think the world is out to make me well good, just so that it can pull the wool from my eyes later on and tell me that I am what I see.
I also lack any conviction, letting even my most adamant plans change, as another sounds better in my mind.
http://youtu.be/F5Z7iOxxl38
>>61897110
You know, agreed. I really enjoy how genuine he's always been more than anything. He's explored a lot of different ideas but it's always very personal. I really admire that.
Damn, why is everyone on this board so depressed?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9olaIio3l8
>>61897302
>I am a 1/10 at best in every department
Come here to the UK, you'll fit right in
https://youtu.be/6oz8rzrOEsk (my favorite at the moment)
I've never even kissed a girl, i have plenty of female friends but I'm not able to properly approach them, i don't want it to be in one of those party games or anything since i feel like im cheating. Im not sure if someone has ever found me attractive but my insecurities never let me fin out if someone did. Im scored of fucking kissing or ever having a gf since i think im shit in that Matter. Im taking a Free year after i graduated because i wanted to "relax". Actually its just that im scared of college
>>61896469
damn
i hope you don't get aids
(fuck, i'm so lonely, i wish this story was happened to me tho)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6nO5I6XVRhM
I've wanted to kill myself everyday for the past four years, but I'm too scared to attempt it and I don't want to do that to my folks. I see so much beauty in the world and I contribute nothing to it and I will never be accepted by it. It's a hostile swirling world we're in. I feel like such a goddamn kid sometimes. I'm going to a therapist tomorrow.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mSTSD2EhMUI
I'm feeling good. Got a new burst of creative intellectual energy after a long-winded slump. Introspection, philosophy, and Kant are now my amicable friends. I'm waiting in anticipation for a medieval-esque, rigorous and academic college. My thoughts are getting sharper, my thinking more precise and I trust my academic goals to be within reach. Sometimes lonely, but always thinking. Grown to accept myself more. After a circumlocuted philosphical process of self-analysis (and some paralysis with that), and meta-analysis, I've slowly been losing my novitiate in the art of systematizing my behavior (in fact, to the point of ableness in seeing humor in the action itself). Fructifying my apathy towards what others think, and talking how I want to talk, no matter how magniloquent or pretentious. Very florid in my elocution, but frank, candid. Sometimes seems like my own existence is an act of rebellion the more I grow to accept who I am.
It's possible to get yourself out of the rut of thinking the way most of /mu/ users think. Shrooms helped me. Some books as well (Max Stirner comes to mind). Music, art, and film have made me see the beauty in everything human. I'd advise to be cognizant of your own faulty systematic thinking. It's a castle in the air and there's no way for you to cut it down at the foundation unless you move on to the next castle 100 meters away in the distance. This castle is beautifully decorated, highly sophisticated, even a little gaudy, but truthful to itself. Hang in there anons.
https://youtu.be/JwYX52BP2Sk
I need a better diet but I can't convince myself to go through with it. I eat way too much fast food. I am gaining weight very slowly, it has hardly changed in two years, but I fear that won't last long. Either way, I am trying to learn to cook to see if that will help.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=k_JnCWT-_O8
I wish I could enjoy other people's company the rare times it occurs. Instead I just make decent enough conversation until the well runs dry and then I have nothing left to say and I feel awkward. Then I try to get out of the situation as politely as possible and go back to my life of loneliness and boredom. Why can't I just be comfortable and not feel like everyone's judging me? There better be an anxiety-free life after this one or I'll be fucking pissed
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GNCd_ERZvZM
my ex girlfriend i'm trying to get back with is super annoying because she crazy immature.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dCEYSx8MmGo
I've wanted to off myself for a while now. I've held the gun to my head. One of the reasons I haven't gone through with it is because I would like a family of my own. :-/
>>61887241
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lzAuXuxD0Oo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmOw-jplSMk
Two random songs from my fairly short favorites list.
>something I need to get off my chest
I feel like a fucking creep because one of my friends (who is subsequently friends with the girl I really do like) gave me her contact by accident. I know enough to write an essay on her, yet she probably doesn't know more than extremely basic facts about me. I'd like to talk to her, but I have serious anxiety problems, especially around girls I find remotely attractive, making talking to the most perfect girl I've ever met a hard task for me to accomplish. At this point, it's driving me insane, because I acted like a total creep ti her, ruined and chances I might have had, and I can't even work up the nerve to apologize to her in person.
I doubt she'll read this, because as far as I know, she doesn't browse 4chan at all, but if you are, I genuinely apologize, Laura. I really do.
Pic completely unrelated.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rbwz532EQw8
I'm sorry for posting about Taylor Swift so much, /mu/.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dnhbCL53fzI
i just got back together with my ex boyfriend after not speaking to each other for about 4 months except its not really getting back together
we broke up because he didnt love me and felt like he was lying to me for the year and a half prior we were together (which, he was desu) and after trying to be friends for a month i ended everything because i felt super uncomfortable still being in love with him
after those four months i literally couldnt deal with not speaking to him or having any contact with him and he apparently felt very similar to me during the whole thing and he admitted he doesnt really know what love is
one one hand i wish i could help him but no matter what i say i feel like it sounds like im trying to make him love me or make him think he loves me and i dont want to unintentionally be or come across as manipulative but at the same time i feel like he does love me and he just doesnt know it
regardless now we're in some strange limbo between being best friends and boyfriends and the topic is sort of being avoided and im afraid to bring it up because i dont want to make him uncomfortable
i feel like i care more about the topic than him too which makes matters worse because hes kind of just ignoring it whereas i feel like i care a lot more
regardless, i dont know what to fucking do. the Feels
also i really hope he doesnt see this post because i hate vagueposting about people in general but i need to let off this steam because i dont have anyone to vent to
>>61891710
wanna think about suicide together?
>>61891710
>>61899156
>tfw thinking about it used to scare the shit out of me
>now it's kind of a hobby
>>61898194
I've had a loaded gun in my mouth several times as well. Could never bring myself past the brink.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ukFU6D9xa1c
I smoke too many cigarettes and cant make myself quit even though I know I'm slowly killing myself
My ex's parents have been abusive her whole life. I just want to show her what it's like to be loved by someone and make her happy but she broke up with me because she's insecure in a relationship. I have tried for 3 months now to make it work out between us but she isn't willing to try. She says she doesnt want me out of her life and doesn't see this being the end of us but I'm so god damned tired from the emotional stress. What the fuck am I supposed to do with this? She gave me nothing to help me move on and I dont think i have it in me. Fuck.
>>61887241
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEeFNvvR-ng
I think I'm fading away. I have a god-awful bone disease that has turned my leg into glass. I'm injured again for the umpteenth time and have been put on some extraordinarily high doses of pretty powerful painkillers. These painkillers combined with my leg pain has made my sleep schedule into an absolute wreck where I hardly get anything below 12 hours of sleep. Since it is winter the sun rises early and goes down early so I usually get 1 hour of sunlight. The medication also makes my memory absolute shit so I'm failing all of my classes in college because no matter how hard I try I can't go to lectures and I can't remember shit.
The lack of sunlight is getting to me and making me lose my mind. Masturbating does nothing for me and I'm constantly remembering that I've never even held a girl's hand let alone kissed one. I'm 21. It's gotten so bad that I've grown a fetish for affection, I just want a girl to love me that's not my mother.
All I can o is take solace in music and games. But those are losing their luster because I've played/listened to too much. I was teaching myself guitar before this but I've had to stop because of my memory problems.
Oh, and my family is also at poverty level.
Thanks for letting me vent.
>>61899633
>>61898194
This is why Im somewhat glad/disappointed that I don't own a gun. It would all be over
>>61899663
>My ex's parents have been abusive her whole life. I just want to show her what it's like to be loved by someone and make her happy but she broke up with me because she's insecure in a relationship. I have tried for 3 months now to make it work out between us but she isn't willing to try. She says she doesnt want me out of her life and doesn't see this being the end of us but I'm so god damned tired from the emotional stress. What the fuck am I supposed to do with this? She gave me nothing to help me move on and I dont think i have it in me. Fuck.
Exact same deal, man. Except now she's shut herself off from all her friends, doesn't even call anymore. Has she decided she hates me now? Is she just being insecure and depressive? I want to go visit her, but I don't want to make things worse if she cut herself off from me because she doesn't want to see me anymore. Damn it, it hurts so much.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uspqn4NcqMo
https://youtu.be/ONcF4GDiSUI
I can't stop thinking about her. I know she probably doesn't feel the same about me but all I want is to be with her.
>>61900084
Also I unironically like DragonForce.
>>61900084
right there with you there man, same lady too probably
>>61899938
>she's shut herself off from all her friends
>Is she just being insecure and depressive
probably this imho : i did the same things the past year. I have no more friends anymore.
so don't give up on her, she might still need your help.
>>61894378
vid not available whats up with that? That playlist looked legendary but all vids are down..
I kind of want to kill my self but the only thing keeping me going is finding new music, and new games lol.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3dQ0HdKMBEY
>>61892773
cubicle? don't people work in those?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDKU3QO_Gf4
I remember being raped by a MILF when i was young. The problem is that i don't feel affected by it, but i'm becoming obsessed with that MILF (now dead iirc) and i often find myself masturbating to that memory.
Also, i can't make female friends because i always fall in love with them and then ruin everything.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POBNQNlAh20
I failed my classes. I lost my job. I want to leave this fucking city where all anyone does is surf and smoke weed. The music scene consists of a bunch of jack johnson wannabes, and shitty metal. I hate living with my mom, but it's been much harder finding a job than I thought. I need to start working out again. I need to get a girlfriend. At least I'm only 19.
>>61900497
Same but with manga and series
I don't want to die before the Terra Formars ending or the motherfucking arnold jungle movie
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nh3AaAxo3g8
I dream about cocaine and percs very frequently. I work for a government agency so I can't touch the stuff now.
I always feel like I'm lying to my gf by being with her and I always daydream about leaving her and moving back to my home state
https://youtu.be/9N6oEFGDl5c
I miss her
I miss her so much
The person I'm with right now doesn't love me as much as she did
Seeing her with him eats at me so much. That should've been me. even after 2 years I still have guilt
>>61900949
https://youtu.be/mhOkRfhmwCk
I'm such a baby for not moving on but its cause I can't find anyone that loved me as thourghly as she did.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UOAfA5SDq50
Might as well post it now because I don't think he'll see it
>met someone on mu
>haven't stopped texting them since
>we really click
>within the past week we've started sending each other hearts and calling each other baby
>saying cute shit about cuddling
>I'd given up hope that I'd find someone like this
>I'm catching feelings
>seriously holding back though because I still have reservations
idk, I just want to meet him. I feel like there's a small chance it will work out and be perfect, and a large chance I'm just going to end up heartbroken. I can't control myself or use rational thought when it comes to him though
>>61890309
>>61901214
london
>>61901214
are you me from the past anon?!
[spoiler]it didn't worked[/spoiler]
>>61891210
I laughed, man the fuck up and kill them
>struggle with crippling depression and social anxiety for past 10 years
>got really bad 5 years ago
>lose touch with everyone in my life except my parents which I live with (lol) and sister in texas
>life been at a stand still for the last 5 years but making slow progress
>changing my mindset and making minor improvements
>found an apartment I can crash at for free til I get a job which is hopefully pretty soon
>went from skellington to trim DYEL and improving
We'll make it bros
https://youtu.be/YqYeTjeRJ84
>>61900825
Would calling it quits with your gf be such an impossibility?
>>61901214
try it out anon you never know it might work out and its better to regret doing something than regretting not doing it. if it doesnt work out you just pick yourself up. life goes on
>>61901687
>better to regret doing something than regretting not doing it
true with missed connections or whatever type things, don't know if it is otherwise though
>>61901745
nah i think its better to just do it cause at least you know it didnt work out if you dont do it you will always wonder what could have been.
>>61901821
in that boat man and it isn't a yacht surprisingly, it's like a canoe with a bunch of holes in it and like an anchor preventing you from moving toward the shore and stuff and it's raining too
>>61891570
junior here, it is most definitely not too late
>>61901910
idek if anyone cares about this but since it's on the subject i actually said yes to something on new years eve and made out with a girl. it was my first kiss at 20 years old i did not find it enjoyable and i felt a bit shitty the next day cause the whole thing was kinda gross but i still do not regret it because now at least i know what it's like and even if it was shit i know i would regret it if i hadnt tried it
>>61896486
/this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z26BvHOD_sg
i know im a sham of a friend, but you know just as well as i do I'd never hurt anyone on purpose. i get it if you hate me and all, but for whatever its worth, im sorry. Im so used to being so careful around you because for some reason, i feel like if im not careful youll break into pieces. i know i messed up and its redundant to say it again, but from the heart, im sorry
>>61895971
i can see this happening to me
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9E6b3swbnWg
i hate /mu/ with a passion.and everything you like
>>61893068
talk about bela tarr films with me pls
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oq77lLDEFGY
I'm 23 and I still occasionally suck my thumb.
>>61887241
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iPhTzXAS_WY
I was severely abused as a child, doomsday prepper parents raising their children to be perfect soldiers. My brothers are both about a decade older than me and are terrifying, dead inside sociopaths. Ran away from home. Tried so hard my whole life to escape those people and just be free of that evil, live a basic comfortable life and not have to be afraid all the time. My whole life has been one bad living situation to another. Just a big mess of abusive crazy people. At the age of 23 start finally getting a sort of basic normal life. Shit tier job, safe house, savings.... it's nice. Then i got diagnosed with a degenerative bone disease. Spent the next year in a wheelchair. Fought hard. Overcame that with hardcore meds and determination. Taught myself how to use my legs again because i have no private health insurance, no car, no drivers license and i live in a town so small there isn't a physiotherapist here. Then it turns out the disease has reached my organs. Again sick for a year. Determination, willpower and drugs and i can function...... But i'm so tired. I'm just so fucking tired of having to fight for everything all the time. I don't understand why i'm alive. What's the point? I contribute nothing to society. I just exist in a constant state of pain, poverty and despair. My entire existence has been a lemony snickett book. Why the fuck am i here /mu/?
>>61887241
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=duvEIDNNyhQ
Thinking about enlisting because I really want to go back to college and I see no other way of affording it. Went for a semester after high school and promptly fucked up, now disqualified for Federal Aid of any kind. I don't want to work a piss-paying retail job for the rest of my life, but I'm also not relishing the thought of giving my golden years and potentially my life to a handful of old men that couldn't give two shits for four shits about me.
>>61893763
i wanna say move on i know it's hard though... please try though buddy that is rly shitty and no one deserves to deal with that there are so many amazing girls out there. that bitch can keep crying about that guy alone while you go and find one that actually makes you feel like you're in heaven instead of hell. granted you won't just find someone in a few weeks or even months but until then just distract yourself and have fun with life. Go out with your friends, get drunk, go to concerts, get comfy at home watching a funny movie etc... you'll make it bud i believe in you
>>61896632
>hedonistic pleasure
You have no idea the hell amphetamines put me through. The first time I got prescribed Vyvanse, I ended up masturbating 14 times that day. God I was sore.
>>61902227
Well, on the bright side, you'll be in the best shape of your life and learn some really interesting stuff. On the downside, life in the army is 90% boring sitting around in a desert and 10% getting shot at or blown up. If you really have no chance of going to college, then I'd say go for it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8YlLpz-IyU
I have self-harmed for over a year and absolutely nobody knows. I do it on my shoulders to hide it easily and essentially never take off a shirt so that no one would see. I am afraid about if they found out, my family and few friends would think I`m psychotic or something, so I`ll probably keep my body covered for years to come. I`m not good-looking or charismatic either, so people would rather feel more disgust than pity towards me. Music is pretty much the only thing I enjoy, and the only reason I did not kill myself yet is because I`m too much of a pussy to do so.
Gosh this was difficult to say
>>61890385
I'm so sorry anon. That's one of my favourite songs too. I hope you'll be alright.
https://youtu.be/oTElF0d3_Xk
I still love her, at least I think. I pretend to hate her and give her the cold shoulder, but she still draws my attention no matter what. I feel like I could pick her out of a crowd of a million people. I wish I knew how she felt because I've caught her staring on multiple occasions before, and she never looked away, she just kept staring, not with a smile, a frown, or with a look of disgust, anger, hatred, or even sadness, she just looked at me blankly, as if she was staring off into space. I think she was looking right through me.
>>61890309
>Stumble on this site for special snowflakes that believe they're alien spirits incarnated on earth
tumblr?
>>61889880
say dumb shit, at least they'll remember you a bit longer.
>>61902507
I don't think the entirety of tumblr follows Scientology.
>>61901687
I'm the person you replied to. I would regret being so negligent with my heart as to get hurt again. Last year was really tough and I'm barely hanging on sobriety as it is.Don't get me wrong, I want to be with him. I just know how hard these things are
>>61902388
im really sorry you're going through that anon please don't kill yourself though try to work on yourself maybe go to the gym to get in shape and try to go out with friends often to be more active (im assuming you don't do these things cause people who are depressed usually don't) if you dont take my advice at least i hope that maybe this comment can give you a little bit of comfort i think it's always nice when someone shows empathy even if it's just some dude on the internet... im hoping this might put a smile on your face even if just for a split second.
>>61889880
People can sense restraint in conversation, and that creates doubt and suspicion. Honesty can be offputting but so long as it's not absolutely horrendous, is refreshing and people tend to gravitate towards to those kinds of people, regardless of whether they say stupid shit or not.
I think I still love my ex, but I have a girlfriend who's funnier, smarter, more beautiful, and just all around better who loves me deeply and I love her as much as I possibly can.
https://youtu.be/e2RY26wQkc8
>>61902526
i understand. im sorry you're having a hard time and i hope things get better for you though. whatever you do just make sure you never stop trying to be happy i believe you will be even if right now it seems hard ive had bad and good times in my life but you just have to keep going and just see what happens next really... hang in there.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NynkFRDlWtY
I'm not sure if I've ever loved another person. Even if I ended up doing so, I don't know if I'd really know that I was, indeed, in love.
>>61902507
Probably 4chan
>>61887241
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wI8GcdW5AeA
finally told my closest friend how i really feel after 5 years of being ultimate beta, she's decided to stay with her boyfriend (asshat, cheats on her, the works). it's been a couple months since i told her and i pretty much act as though nothing happened. I still feel the same and i don't know what to do, i'm at a community college in my hometown, moving to an actual uni next semester, so for now im just gonna wait and hope to meet someone new
>>61902577
this song is rly emo but im loving it thanks anon
Someday the pain will go away, friends.
>>61890309
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRcPA7Fzebw
I'm scared to graduate high school this year. I'm purposely failing because I feel like I'll have nothing to do after.
>>61891546
been there anon, tell her. more than likely she won't drop her current bf for you, but you'll at least be able to move on
https://youtu.be/82xcICYq11Y
my professor is a 10/10 and i sorta think he's into me, but i'm too awkward to do anything about it so i just sit around and daydream about him baka
>>61902678
hahaha you remind me of this guy i know who once said "all i wanna do is smoke weed and write love songs"
he actually has some pretty awful quotes
>>61902186
To educate yourself. Then you can answer that question yourself.
>>61902721
I'm actually more of a drummer, if anything musically.
>>61902743
i know its just funny because he's a fucking prick and you sound like one too
if youre gonna think you peaked in high school then youre pretty fucked up
he's getting a 7/100 in a class where all you have to do is show up and take walks in nature
>>61896988
What is?
This thread is making me want to hug all of you and appreciate my life more. Sometimes i forget i have a great life while some of you are in some actual shitty situations. Hope you all can sort your shit out just keep moving forward
>>61902782
No, it's nothing like thinking I've "peaked" in high school. I'm just anxious about the future is all.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2wY_y9owe6k
I don't know if I'll ever really get over her; I don't form emotional bonds well, but when I do they tend to be lifelong, and I fully saw myself spending my life with her. It still doesn't feel real, and now I don't really know what to do anymore because I've just all direction.
>>61902536
Thank you so much man, my past couple of months have been on the low and I hope to get back up before spring comes around and it`s not so cold outside anymore.
I do work out often and run in the summer, but I just can`t help feeling inferior to everyone. I do most things on my own, and I just feel like a background character in other people`s lives. Worthlessness is a feeling that followed me everywhere no matter where I go, if only I knew how I would try my best to get rid of it.
haha sorry for the rant, I`m tired af. Have a great evening
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IA5xtHxfiTI
I feel lonely even if I'm having sex. I would experiment with dating a guy, but I wouldn't want to break his heart if it didn't work out.
Trying to find a job, and plan the rest of my life is the worst thing I've ever had to do in my life. I don't see the future getting any brighter without me planning it out, and I hate planning.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YcbvamRJZvw
>>61902812
Thanks anon
>>61902893
do you do therapy? i think that is always a good thing. also its great that you work out and you are welcome man i have to go to sleep now cause it is 5 in the morning where i live. btw you are definitely not inferior to everyone. just by reading your comments here i can tell you're a pretty intelligent guy so yeah you sound better than most people out there and you seem like my type of person unlike most of the shallow fuckers that i have to deal with when i go to uni. Good luck getting back up i know you can do it!!
>>61902956
you're a guy then?
>>61903049
Yee, I've always wondered what a serious relationship would be like with another dude nohomo
>>61902388
Been there. Good luck anon.
>>61893337
lol i feel u
>>61900499
he means a stall
>>61892946
I've never had one ever, started to think it was made up or some super rare occurrence
>>61893288
no one's gonna give a shit if they don't know you, go yell at strangers till one of them stick around
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0dJqlvOSq4
im not sure if i will ever truly love anyone. at this point i dont think ive ever loved anyone, i've just been in love with the idea of them and gotten emotionally attached to them. i can distinguish real love from fake love. but i think my first love was genuine, it started out fake, and became real over time. but after i told that person, they somehow got the idea that i was obsessed with them, and broke off contact with me. which fuckin hurt let me tell u, considering days before our last contact i'd attempted suicide (which they knew about) and my father died about 4 months before (which they also knew about). now i think that event fucked me up and im never going to love again in fear of being abandoned.
sorry for the long post :/
>>61894312
make friends with a decent writer, make a band, TAKE OVER THE WORLD or at least have a little following or some shit
>>61894886
got the same deal going on right now, but we only have the class once a week, so every time i bitch out i just wait a week kicking myself, only to bitch out again
>>61902345
Depending on my ASVAB score, I'd go for something like Intelligence Analyst or Horizontal Engineer. Not really aspiring to be an infantry grunt, mostly because I want to bring back something to qualify me for a nice civilian job once my service is up.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sG0qUMwpdIk
There's many things.
I fucking hate my body. I want to start lifting but I'm way too fucking shy to even go to a gym. I've been thinking of doing this for like a year, but yet I could've made so much progress in the last year.
I'm 100% sure I'm bi, but I don't want to tell any of my family that. None of my friends know either. Everyone in my family is conservative Christian as shit, heterosexual, goes against abortion, is for gun laws, and doesn't really support LGBT rights. I'm planning on telling them when I don't live with them, but that can't be anytime soon because my dad has cancer and probably isn't going to outlast the decade. So as of right now, I can't move.
I want to quit everything and just fucking play music. I don't want to go to college, I don't want to work in a company and have a shitty work job, and I don't want to raise a family. I at least try to get my musical stuff as popular as possible Internet wise, but I never go out to the art district because it sucks here and I still have a fuckton of schooling left. I just want a cult following.
>>61903375
The in-shape and boring-desert parts are the same regardless of what job you get (although for techies you can sometimes get air-conditioned rooms at least). Probably wise to avoid infantry; all my family members who've been that do not recommend it at all.
>>61903498
post soundcloud and literally pee on ur family
>>61903498
Just buy a pair of dumbells, man. Or a resistance cord, either one is fine for a beginner. Do bodyweight exercises, pushups are great for any level of bodybuilder, especially when you go into variations of it like diamond and one-handed. You can do squats without weights to thicken those glutes and quads up. There's a bunch of shit man, just google "bodyweight exercises". If you have enough dosh, get a bench press and a treadmill if you don't want to run outside. Do run though, running is good for you. Also check out the sticky in /fit/ and then get the fuck out.
>>61903537
I'm pretty in-shape as is, from what /meg/ tells me I won't have too hard a time in basic. I've just gotta do more research, I don't wanna get in for like a month and then regret doing so for the next six years.
>>61903498
>>61903606
Yes to bodyweights, yes to benching, yes to squats; no to running if you're severely overweight. I was doing pretty good losing weight with just strength training, then I started trying to run while still extremely fat and twisted my ankle (hit a tree root I didn't see on the trail) and was out of commission for two weeks. Completely derailed me, I haven't been nearly as active since. Stick with STR training till you're at a normal weight so you don't fuck up your bones and joints.
Radio rap sucks fatty wap sucks future sucks drake sucks lil Wayne sucks mgk sucks
https://youtu.be/VdMM-CrPNxg
Things are finally starting look up! My life is far, far, far from perfect and I'm still a very flawed person but if I'm still alive I can't really complain. Got a new job, lost some weight, and finally started to focus on school. I used to think that 'stay positive :)' shit was for moms and school guidance counselors but it's really been helpful in getting me out of awful, self-deprecating mindset. All I need now is a gf and a raise.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2UtWLNk7-j8
>>61898685
i dont mean to sound like an asshole but i kind of want advice in this situation
>>61903498
>>61903606
Also, DIET. Pay attention to what you're shoving into your gullet. Start counting calories, start counting sugar intake, protein intake, everything. Drink water. Cut out soda and fast food. Eat oats, nobody eats enough fucking oats.
>>61887241
Quicksand - David Bowie
>I cared more about Bowie's death than I did my grandfathers a week earlier
>though to be fair he's had Alzheimer's for 8 years
>my mother even agreed
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/x0E39ug6t70" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
I'm a high school senior. I have these incredibly surreal dreams where my school is being swatted or something, and everyone is hiding in rooms like code red shit. In real life, i don't think i'm depressed or anything. I have people to talk to, people who seek talking to me, i have a pretty ok quality of life. But in these dreams i get this opportunity to sacrifice myself for other people and experience pain and do something awesome, and in reality everything is so safe and stale sometimes in comparison. There aren't threats or real dangers in my life, and i have become addicted to this feeling of completely running head on into these terrorists portrayed as completely black clothed figures with armor and fully automatic weapons, they also turn into these really fucking trippy monsters, kindof like some of H. P. Lovecraft's shit. In my dreams I just throw everything i care about aside and tear these people apart and then kill them again in their secondary form as a monster. It's a real massacre, sometimes they even tell me to stop and shit and there is so much blood. Sometimes i lose, sometimes i actually completely eliminate them all. Every time though, i get this rush like no other. The feeling is so damn addicting in these dreams. Anyways the confession is that i stay home from school sometimes just to sleep and experience this, its a real problem.
I have been having these dreams ever since the day this song came out pretty much. Weird, right?
>>61903766
oh sorry
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0E39ug6t70&ab_channel=Monstercat
>>61903766
Looks like it's happening again.
I feel really sorry for the hell you're about to go through.
https://youtu.be/z7ytPNb75Ho
I think I'm in love with my best friend. We fucked last summer and both of us found it awkward but as of recently, it seems she's started showing some signs of affection and at first I didn't care but I stayed thinking more and I actually care for her and love her. If us fucking didn't break out friendship, then that should say something about our bond.
>>61903874
it's not hell, its really awesome. I just feel insecure talking about it to other people, i mean i skip school and occasionally a social event to go to fucking sleep, it's pretty pathetic, but feels so good. The only thing about it that makes me feel bad is that i feel like it all means that deep down i don't want a future or anything, i just want one moment that defines myself, like in my dreams. like what if iit happens in real life, what if i die in real life from this? would i be happy? would people respect me for doing something like this? am i a dangerous person who seeks thrills fulfilled by murder? (probably not) it just is so weird and i don't know how to feel about it all actually. maybe it will stop if i stop listening to rattlesnake everyday.
>>61903948
That is a very good thing. You should aspire to be in love with your best friend. There is a reason they are your best friend.
>>61904060
Do you think it's a good move to maybe try going out with her again?
>>61904082
you said she started showing you affection, that's huge. i'd just spend lots of time with her before you make it apparent that you really love her. Take her out, it's not like she'd say no, you're best friends.
>>61904142
Sounds like a plan. I'll have to try that
>>61904060
Believe me, I can see through your eyes the very things I once did. Call it an event repeating like an echo throughout existence - though I never expected there to be another one in this dimension in my lifetime.
Maybe you'll do better and succeed where I failed, kid. Go for it, and don't give up, even if it kills your soul and turns you into the very thing you fight - you can always forge a new soul and change back.
Oh, and let nobody sway you. Not even me. Not even anyone you love, no matter how much they beg. Or you'll end up like me, a washed up has been that regrets how everything turned out.
The Glow
I'm considering deciding to be gay, not because I am attracted to the male form but because I just fucking give up and if I don't find someone that I can be close to and confide in I am going to spiral down to my death.\.
>>61904227
Hey, you might end up liking it. Like musucal taste, experimentation in all things leads to their evolution.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPkQJRUOcXM
I've been in a long-distance relationship for a while, but we've each been lucky enough to visit many times (it's not a huge distance), sometimes for long periods. We've developed fairly strong feelings for each other.
I mentioned on my last visit that, in a few years, my studies will be over and I'd be able to move wherever she was working or studying. She liked that prospect a lot. But I've since switched programmes (for other reasons) so now I'm only tied to my home town for another year, after which employment is fairly easy to obtain.
I haven't made her aware that I'm able, and very willing, to move to be with her at that time, but I'm planning on saying so in a couple of weeks during her next visit. I'm pretty sure she'll be overjoyed, but if things go that way then it'll be a slight challenge to move and I'll miss this place.
