Post a musician and describe how they would act as a guest at your Christmas dinner
>shows up late as hell
>"s-sorry guys, here I brought some Svedka"
>keeps on huge jacket and walks into every room in the house looking around
>smells Christmas tree while shaking boxs like they're spray paint cans
>at dinner just stares at his plate the whole time without talking or eating anything
>Randomly leaves house at some point and nobody notices until everyone is saying goodbyes
LEAK IT DEAK
>>61080820
>>61080924
>everyone's opening gifts when it comes to his present but he's nowhere to be found
>"Deakin where are you!" You shout
>here a muffled "be right there" downstairs
>walk down and you catch him trying to position himself to shit in the cats litter box
>>61080820
Deakin would just beg for money then bounce
Bump for possibly funny greentexts
>shows up the morning before drunk as hell, asleep next to your door
>smells like piss and enchiladas
>asks your moms' name and constantly calls her Karen, regardless of her being Karen or not
>goes to the bathroom, pisses in the bidet, comes out complimenting you on your fancy porcelain
>constantly asks for toilet paper to write lyrics on but keeps forgetting them around the house
>before noon he says he's got to do something urgent and leaves, comes back 40 minutes later with his daughter
>tells you "I forgot I had to take care of her today"
>keeps asking you if there's gonna be turkey
>walks around in the kitchen while your parents cook, making awkward jokes about flour and cocaine in front of them and his daughter
>steals the tree at 10 PM but then brings it back telling you it was all a joke
>makes a full Christmas Album and all the songs are named after you, he gives it to you for free as a Christmas Present because in the end he's a nice guy
>Arrives in his nice-ish car with his long time girlfriend who's a couple years younger than him
>says hey to everyone but is pretty quiet
>goes outside and drinks a beer by himself
>sighing a lot
>talking to some people but he's not really hella into the conversation
>dinner time and he sits down and eats, talking a bit and sharing his old stories
>you find him sitting in rooms by himself sometimes but other times he's sitting with the families
>doesn't show up
>arrives alone in his beat up car
>wearing a tacky as fuck Christmas sweater that he's too nerdy to appear to be wearing ironically
>making weird jokes no one understands that they all just kind of chuckle at and walk away
>too beta and weird for the adults, too weird and old for the kids
>tries to hit on your cousin
>talks about anime
>trips over everything
>when he leaves he leaves alone and fairly unannounced
>kills your family
>comes in weirdly early
>when everything is ready she asks for ice water
>spills some ice water on her plate but dries it with a pocket tissue
>compliments the artwork you bought at ikea
>gets up and touches with one finger saying "i like this part!"
>spends 10+ minutes in the washroom washing her hands and uses up most of your soap
>keeps talking about this new kind of renewable energy source that no one understands
>says a swear word by accident, everything gets awkwardly quiet
>doesn't talk much for the rest of the night
>leaves when everyone else does and says a very quiet "thank you" and doesn't call or anything for months
>>61082308
not
>sets the tree on fire
I am dissapoint
>>61082342
Only if it has a cross or an angel on top, other than that it's a good Germanic pure white tradition
come on guys this thread has potential, what is /moo/ doing anyway
>>61082356
maybe
>sets the nativity scene on fire?
>>61082359
Talking about memerap and poptimism
>shows up
>wearing really thin clothes from his clothing line, literally freezing cold but still refuses to accept any jacket
>doesn't say hello
>changes the baby in the nativity scene for a black one
>sits in the leading edge of the table, doesn't get up when your father kindly asks him to move
>gets up in the middle of the dinner
>leaves without saying goodbye taking all the presents home
his presence is the only Christmas Present left
>offers me LSD as apart of dinner and as a way to thank me for letting him in
>trips the fuck out
>>61081696
>the brussell sprouts on his plate reminded him of a particularly fond memory of the time he saw godflesh in concert, which he proceeded to tell the guests about over the course of the next 5 hours, and the next 5 bottles of whiskey
>arrives with a bunch of friends who have instruments, had no idea it wasn't a party
>dressed up like Santa
>still wearing his snapback under his Santa hat
>all his friends pour in
>helps cook but intermittently stops and says something weird that you don't really understand
>going through your bookshelves looking for song ideas
>reads his poetry to his friends in the guest room, they all clap
>he tries to get the kids to play the instruments
>him and his friends intermittently start playing Christmas songs
>gathers all your family into the big room and tells them Christmas stories and reads from the bible, every now and then they break into song
>him and his crew give a rendition of Charlie Brown Christmas with him as Charlie Brown
>>61082319
this is how you do it
>>61082469
this is not how you do it
>>61081696
Improved:
>Eats alone at Panera Bread
>all guests seated round the table ready to eat
>"Hunter, will you say grace?"
>"like, of course, like, uh, thank you"
>everyone holds hands
>eyes closed, heads down
>heeyyyy heeyyyy heeyyyy
>table begins to rumble
>heeyyyy heeyyyy heeyyyy
>dogs heard barking a few houses down
>heeyyyy heeyyyy heeyyyy
>glasses begin to fall and roll off the table
>HEEEEYYYY HEEEEEEYYY HEEEEYYYY
>floor opens
>not fire, but shimmering ecstatic gold shines from below
>HEEEEYYYY HEEEEEEYYY HEEEEYYYY
>grandpa falls in, smelted alive
>HEEEEYYYY HEEEEEEYYY HEEEEYYYY
>everyone clawing for their lives
>HHH stands on the only chair not sucked into the void
>picks up microphone
>proceeds to cover Shellac's Enter to God
>heavenly choir of HEEEEEEEYYYYYs continue
>angels gracefully swoop down and peel my fingers back
>I fall into the golden light
>last thing I see is HHH become the rhizomatic blinding light of infinity
>wake up in bed
>ounce of weed taped to back
bump
>knocks door of his neighbor's big house
>tells neighbor "i live down the street from you, i noticed you and was wonder what the fuck you do"
>neighbor was having christmas party
>neighbor didn't invite ride to christmas party
>mc ride remember his neighbor told him he would go out of town
>mc ride tells him "why a bitch gotta lie"
>hidinh in the bushes, flatlander and hill are whispering to ride
>"pss pss, are we invited"
>"no we are not guess there is no love for us here"
>mc ride had a sad cum that night
>>61082016
Ouch f.y
Somebody do a Michael Gira one please
>>61083279
Jesus Christ...
>shows up a tad early
>a bunch a children run up to the door yelling "uncle britt!!!"
>"haha, hold your horses! i can only give out your presents one at a time!"
>gives the youngins some sweet presents
>they all run up to their rooms and play with them
>gives the adults boxes of $100 belgian chocolates
>teaches the hosts' moody coming of age teen who is obsessed with the guitar how to play some some nirvana songs on guitar
>"wow uncle britt, you made my day"
>host kinda messes up the gravy
>"oh it's okay, i took some cooking classes"
>comes in and makes GOAT gravy
>looks over
>"those asparagus could use some spices"
>goes out to his car and gets fancy spices from like italy or something idk
>host lets him take over with the asparagus
>it's the best fucking asparagus ever
>even the picky youngins eat the shit out of it and ask for more
>about to leave
>shows the youngins some magic tricks
>"wow mom!!! is uncle britt magic?"
>drives off in his sick ride
>kids look at his fuckin' sweet car in awe
>honks and waves
>"mom!!! when is uncle britt coming back???"
>all seated down
>everyone else eating meat
>he is eating two pieces of celery wrapped with lettuce
>mom pulls out camera
>"such a nice moment! left's take a picture"
>he takes notice very quickly
>"...are... are you recording me?"
>everyone seated around the table awkwardly looking at each other
>mom responds "...excuse me?"
>"ARE YOU RECORDING ME!?!!"
>>61083434
I don't know who this guy is but I like him
>>61083499
britt daniel from spoon
the gayest thread in the history of /mu/
>knocks on the door in obnoxious way
>immediately walks in tracking mud and lake water through the living room floor
>plops down on the couch and pulls out shitty cam corder from 2001 and films your cat and obscure family heirlooms
>says he's always wanted to make a christmas album but couldnt find a way to apply his aesthetic to the holiday spirit
>finally sits down for dinner and offers cig to your nephew
>tells everyone to remain seated and walks into kitchen
>comes back with a tray full of coffee and forces everyone to drink
>pulls out laptop and uploads "another one" demos
>>61083547
only cause you're a part of it now bb
>>61082966
good god
>shows up early, in formal dress
>stands by the doorway as guests enter, trying to get their attention without approaching them first
>when someone says "hi" out of politeness, launches into an extended biography
>keeps on looking softly at your daughter
>provides long-winded explanations for things no one asked about, often by drawing parallels to "human temporality" which he demonstrates by making your daughter touch his chest or breathing in her ear
>gets drunk while complaining loudly until dinner is served, then eats it rapidly, leaves the table abruptly, and loudly announces his exit
>before he leaves you hear him unsuccessfully try to seduce your dog, after which he mutters and curses and slams the door on his way out
>>61083279
boo
>hand me the turkey
>hand me the roast
>hand me the potatoes
>hand me the gravy
>hand me the wine
>do you know what it's like to not be able to see your own dick?
>shows up late
>says he was busy "shagging some totty"
>literally no one knows what he means
>hits on every relative under 23
>tells them "you heard the song Common People? I wrote that"
>no one has heard them song common people
>sits down
>sits next to 17 year-old cousin
>tells her "call me when you're 18"
>winks at her
>goes on to tell the story about how he got on stage with michael jackson smacking his butt on stage
>gets kicked out
>shows up early
>keeps trying to interject himself into others' conversations
>makes esoteric non-sequiturs which actually piss off your conservative uncle
>chides nephew for being on phone at dinner table in semi-facetious way but you can tell he's really annoyed
>puts on nat king cole and starts singing along
>last one to leave
>is clearly drunk and hugs your mom too tightly
>>61083718
me desu
>>61083718
Congratulations on getting Phil completely wrong.
>>61083718
you forgot
>on his arrival, a foghorn is heard in the distance
>got invited from the year before, sorta always lived away from his family
>comes in all black
>looks really approachable looking but he smells NASTY
>locks himself in the bathroom and plays flash games with the lights off
>gets caught looking through cabinets and drawers in the house
>pretty much stays alone except for the occasional nephew coming to see what he's doing on his computer
>doesn't eat whats served because he brought his own
>says "i gotta run" after eating his own food but gives no explanation as to why
>everyone forget he was even there, but just says "ok"
>sneaks through the kitchen and puts some food in his ziplock
>pulls cardboard boxes out of backpack
>lays down on it and covers himself with them
>sits in the front yard most of the night
>no one says anything
>not there in the morning, no one knows when he left
>same thing next christmas
>>61083240
kekd
>shows up late, when you ask why, looks darkly away and asks why it matters
>doesn't take off coat, sits silently by the fire
>yells the name of the artist whenever the song changes on your christmas playlist, but he's normally wrong
>goes to the bathroom for extended periods of time, and the next person to use it notices a lot of tissue wads floating in the toilet bowl, stained with the colours of various bodily fluids
>wears a mask at dinner
>doesn't eat, just texts and swipes at his phone
>when people try to talk to them he makes them look at a mirror or other nearby reflective surface
>shows up dressed in full druid robes
>refuses to sit down for dinner
>tries to start a Gregorian chant instead of saying grace
>takes 10x longer than anyone to eat his dinner
>>61083995
>hums very low while not talking
>shows up early, a little high
>with baked deserts
>takes peoples coats as they arrive
>helps light the fire
>offers to do dishes but very quickly concedes to your objections
>steps outside after dinner to smoke pot with your nephew
>has the best jokes at dinner, claps your dad on the back and even though your dad's a pissy guy in general, he ends up liking him
>after dinner, produces a present for the host, a bottle of rye and some glasses
>takes his tupperware with him when he leaves
>>61083988
>yells the name of the artist whenever the song changes on your christmas playlist, but he's normally wrong
hahaha holy shit
ps if this is one guy doing all these greentext stories ur a legend m8. this thread is hilarious
>>61084116
About half of them are me tee be aitch
>>61084098
so good
>as soon as he gets in he asks if he can use your shower
>goes to show you a picture of his new turntable and you see
>there's 6314 pictures in his camera roll
>they're all pictures of cats poorly screenshotted off google images
>sneezes on his food
>just acts like it never happened
>accidentally calls someone dad
>"ah geez sorry myannn"
>leaves with his head hanging down and accidentally walks into the door
>>61084373
>gets nosebleed and wipes it with his hand and everyone notices
>>61083675
I kekd
>tries to fight me when I welcome her in
>brings his kids
>mostly just listens during the pre-dinner mingling, rocks his toddler on his lap unconsciously
>doesn't say much during dinner
>starts to look ill by desert
>ask him what's wrong
>he says he has chinese food syndrome
>"from what? there was no chinese food"
>"the beer!" gets up quickly and knocks his chair over
>runs off with tears in his eyes
>you follow him outside where he's sitting against the side of your house shaking his head
>he apologizes but doesn't explain anything, just says he "can't do it"
>wipes his eyes, goes back inside, apologizes quickly to everyone, gathers his kids and leaves
>shows up with geo, even tho both are jews
>seems chill, kinda shy
>starts driking
>gets drunk
>geo pops some shrooms
>both start acting really annoying
>start blasting whitehouse on my stereo
>everyone is pissed
>some people start leaving, some stay just to laff at them
>both are tripping balls at this point
>avey puts on some horror film
>gets freaked out, destroys my tv
>decide is time to call the cops so these lads leave and stop ruining xmas
>someone knocks the door
>thank god, the cops are here
>is deak
>kicks both avey and geo butts
>gives them a ton of xanax so they fall sleep
>geo dies
>no one gives a fuck
>deak cleans all the mess the guys did
>deak brings cute little gifts for everyone
>hands me mine
>open it up
>is freaking with deakin
>best xmas ever
>hug deak and whisper in his left ear "leak it deak"
>freakin with deak #1 album
>pitchfork gives it a 10/10 BNM
>fantano gives it a 10/10
>scruffles gives it a 9.5/10
>Painting With is never released
>2 months later
>Avey kills himself
>get a letter from panda saying he is sorry for those faggots ruining my party
>invites me to his 4 walls and adobe slats on portugal for next xmas
>>61082016
>sleeps through it
>>61084653
forgot pic
>>61084444
impresive
>comes in really fucking baked
>knocks on the door in a waltz pattern
>sits on your couch at the farthest edge while giggling to himself and recording the background noise on his phone
>>61082966
omg it;s perfect <3
>shows up, looking angry
>tries to take the head of the table
>tries to sabatoge dinner when he sees you're doing something interesting
>tries to hijack making dinner, succeeds, and makes a pile of shit
>leaves
>tries to sue you for ruining his Christmas
>arrives on time
>gets a mason jar and fills it with ice water
>stands around the kitchen discussing things with your grandparent who hasn't had a concise thought in years
>orders a pizza just for himself an hour before dinner is ready to eat
>plays dancing queen on guitar in the garage when everyone else is having dinner inside
>leaves suddenly without saying goodnight to anyone
>>61083601
idk doesn't really match mac's chill vibe imo, i feel like he'd be like more friendly and nice based off of what i've seen in interviews. i don't think he cares that much about his music either
>>61083718
the only one i get here is the chiding the nephew part, the rest doesn't really fit imo
>>61084653
i love it
>shows up at an un-christmassy time like 3:30 or 4:00
>has large boots with mud on them despite the snow outside
>she's wearing a band tee you donated to Goodwill the previous month
>brings a "shy" friend wearing a brown hoodie and a 6'2 bear with a 1'2 beard
>only eats the pastiest looking food you're offering for dinner
>doesn't bring a christmas dish but brings some sort of christmas-themed diorama made of pinecones and natural elements
>tries to tell a christmas story during dinner but can't make it past ten words without sounding like Scatman John, so she stops
>by the end and she disappears, but you don't know if she actually left or not
>>61083279
that was awful anon
>>61082319
>leaves when everyone else does and says a very quiet "thank you" and doesn't call or anything for months
I know this feel.
>>61082319
Damn she got a creepy ass smile with those exposed teeth near the back
>>61083434
This is entirely wrong. It should be:
>his ex-gf gets invited to the same Christmas party, they are no longer awkward but maintain their distance throughout the night
>he mines that shit for another two albums
>shows up early with his parents
>sits at kids table
>cries in bathroom
>>61084098
The best guest so far.
>shows up early but is really scared to talk to people
>you can tell he really wants to enjoy himself because it's Christmas but you can tell he doesn't want to be at the party
>stays quiet during grace and says it to himself
>leaves after dinner without speaking
>>61082016
10/10
>arrives as everybody started eating dinner
>brings his boyfriend along
>both are wearing furry tails
>takes all of the breadrolls
>refuses to do grace
>goes on a tangent in the middle of dinner about gay rights
>the youngest kid there asks "Mister, why are you wearing a doggy tail?"
>springs up from his seat and yells "DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING AGAINST DOOOOOGS!?" at the top of his lungs for 10 consecutive seconds
>leaves shorty after
>>61085299
no
>arrives and he's fucking insane
>hangs a black number 9 and a beatles album on the christmas tree
>you try to take it off and he breaks your ribs
>tells your family they're teaching satanic prayers to the kids
>he goes to the attic where the kids are
>call the police and cry
>>61085339
Meant to reply to
>>61085299
>shows up an hour late
>periodically stops eating to record random beatboxing on his phone
>drinks slightly more of your beers than you're comfortable with
>*knocking on door*
>*open door*
>"Hello."
>"Oh, hello, David. How are y-"
>"Hello."
>*awkward silence as he stares at you*
>"May I come in?"
>shows up right on time
>doesn't talk to anyone
>when dinner starts, your dad asks him to take off the mask
>takes it off
>it's not him
>about 2 months later get a letter made of cut of magazine apologizing
>>61085824
100
>arrives 5 mins early
>dressed in a suit
>very polite to your family
>mostly quiet until dinner starts
>drinks 2 bottles of red wine throughout dinner
>starts softly crying at the dinner table
>comes an hour late, baked out of his mind
> slaps your mom's ass when he walks in
>drinks a ton
>unzips his pants and pulls out his scrotum
>then stands up, flashes it to everyone and pretend he didn't notice
>in the middle of dinner announces that he'd rather be skating on the beach and leaves
>>61084549
Aw :(
>>61085815
>passes out drunk
>wakes up
>"Where am I?"
>"this is not my beautiful house!"
>looks at my wife
>"This is not my beautiful wife!"
>>61082966
tfw all my friends are exactly like this
>you don't remember him showing up, but you can see him in some of the pictures your aunt took
>high as fuck on acid when he gets there
>wishes everyone a happy thanksgiving
>can't hear a word anyone says
>him and his druggie girlfriend just sit in the corner with each other looking at eachother
>sometimes he talks but only a little and so quiet you can't hear him
>he brings out all the vacuum cleaners in the house and starts to fuck with them to make the perfect sound
>constantly falling in and out of sleep
quality thread
>>61081664
more like
>makes a christmas album for you
>"okay f.a.m. that'll be $17.99 plus shipping"
>>61083995
I'm floored, anon.
>>61085815
>>61086426
>Do I smell Home Cooking?
>>61087391
>acid
>falling asleep
>>61087635
>arrives two hours early
>just sits in the living room while you're still preparing food and waiting for other actual guests
>rifles through your record collection in the meantime, periodically yelling things like "Who tha heck 'r the 'Ecks Tee Ceeees?'" into the kitchen
>drinks an entire thing of hazelnut Coffee Mate after dinner but you don't have the heart to tell him that's not actually coffee and everyone watches aghast
>>61085381
is this car seat headrest
Someone do Oneohtrix
>>61088014
>shows up in an '86 cressida that's seen better days
>smells like dryer sheets and goodwill lint
>"we were supposed to bring a dish?"
>sits awkwardly at the table knowing that he didn't contribute to the food
>gives everyone bonnie tyler cassettes for gifts
>"so daniel, what do you do for a living?"
>"i'm uh....kind of in academia now, it's a little intimidating"
>someone else takes the guest room so he just pops an adderall and leaves, says "it's been real"
Somebody please do Michael Gira and Jamie Stewart
>arrives punctually
>brings cookies
>stands in a corner looking perturbed and not talking to anyone
>asks if you need any help in the kitchen, then goes on a tirade about patriarchy and gender roles when you accept
>at dinner, tries to spark up a table conversation about exploitative farming practices and GMO crops, but nobody pays attention
>leaves early and makes a passive aggressive show of it so that everyone knows she's angry
>goes home and blocks you on social media
>rings the police and accuses you and 3 of your mates of raping her
>>61083240
Best ITT
>>61083690
Underrated
>shows up exactly 2 minutes late
>faintly smells of febreeze
>"hey ryan, do you like turkey and mashed potatoes"
>"oh WOW you guys are so generous!"
>doesn't know what to do while waiting for dinner so he turns on the music choice adult contemporary channel and reads the trivia for an hour
>tries to say something at dinner but can't find a place to interject
>becomes very quiet and won't look at anyone when it's time to open presents
>tweets "i'm miserable"
>mom picks him up
>>61088378
>ach laddie the paytreearrkee
>>61085824
>takes off the mask
>its madlib
>shows up wearing a thin sheet as a coat
>takes it off and lets it float away outside as he walks in
>wearing sandals and a hawaiian shirt
>without acknowledging you, heads straight for your parents and their friends
>eventually gets wasted off their wine
>farts on your dog
>throws a snowball inside
>your parents are delighted
>looks super uncomfortable when seated for dinner
>your mom starts saying grace
>he steps outside
>>61088378
kek
>>61083279
>had my friend over for Thanksgiving
>likes DG and was really into Govt. Plates at the time
>we both drop memes pretty much the whole time at diner
>when he can't reach the meat he turns to my grandmother
>"come come pass the turkey here ah"
>we fucking die
maybe you had to be there but it was the fucking funniest shit
>>61087391
is really hard to fall sleep on acid anon
aside from that pretty good
6/10
>shows up solo w/ large coffee
>puts fur coat in one of the bedrooms
>succinctly answers the aunts and uncles' questions about his art
>gets uncomfortable when he realizes no one wants to smoke with him
>gives your little brother's drum kit a spin when everybody else is checking out your dad's remodeling of the deck
>leaves the party a little early and stone cold sober to go party with friends
>>61083445
>Shows up at a reasonable time after the party has started
>Hands you a vegan friendly platter
>You place it vaguely out of sight
>He converses with your grandmother about the beach boys for half an hour
>Eats really only from his vegan plate and the mashed potatoes
>Talks about the freshest albums and makes Cal Chuchesta impressions making people laugh
>Loads up Silver & Gold on your bluetooth speaker
>Everyone sings along to the familiar songs
>Gives you a copy of Donuts as a gift
>Thanks you for inviting him and leaves at a decent time
>You notice that someone had eaten all the cheddar cheese popcorn from the popcorn tin
>There's a Sticky note inside reading
> Strong 7 to a lightly salted
>Your Grandma dies
>>61082308
>only accepted your invite because you and your family is white or at least pure-blood, he'd refuse otherwise
>at dinner, he won't stop talking about how the filthy christians stole and appropriate a pagan holiday for their faith
>while advertising his new RPG nonstop
>>61088014
are you blind?
>>61083988
>>61083876
>Arrives visibly drunk and stoned
>Doesn't make eye contact
>Suddenly flirting with your dad
>Steals his wallet
>Leave
I'm unfunny af but I'll try
>Comes in with a fanny pack of small bells and a vibrator
>when spoken to, he responds in a low whispery voice
>Asked if he brought any gifts or food
>"NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO"
>Pretty much spends the whole party moping and crying
>Before dinner, he sets a vibrator on maximum and sets it on the table and shakes a couple of small bells while saying grace
>cries in his food
>fucks the gay family friend at the party and leaves
>arrives 15 minutes late, reason being "Akira rerun was on TV and I just HAD to see it."
>makes small-talk with your sister
>at first she really digs him, but is instantly turned off when he goes way overboard with the eye contact.
>"do you imagine... That in some universe, long forgotten... We could be as one? Stars glistening in the... Hey, where are you going?"
>he shuffles to the living room to play SSMB with the kids
>muffled sound of "FUCKING BULLSHIT DIDDY KONG!" and slammed controller from the room over
>your mom offers him a beer, and he slaps it out of her hand.
>"you are single-handedly destroying electronic music!"
>starts alternatively growling at the dog and making baby-noises until it bites him
>calls an Uber, but manages to spray-paint an emoji-face onto your front lawn before you notice
>>61087864
nah dude that's only the river
>>61083601
someone do this better pls
>>61083279
painfully unfunny
>arrives right on time with an extremely tall black girl
>gives your parents an expensive bottle of wine and thanks them before asking to help in the kitchen
>ends up preparing most of the food while talking about how cooking has been a positive influence in his life
>parents invite him to say grace
>gives a heartfelt 2 minute speech on the power of empathy and forgiveness
>ends with "i love you all. thanks"
>takes a couple snapchats with your little sister before leaving early
>follows you on twitter the next day
>>61089488
he kicked my ass in smash bros once. can confirm
>>61087391
>can't hear anything anyone says
Priceless
Also, lol at the thing about falling asleep on acid and also the people saying that doesn't really happen, because I suppose that's probably true but I tripped with a few people today and I swear to fucking god one of them did
>shows up late
>cuts the turkey
>smokes some crack
>stabs himself
>arrives slightly more than fashionably late with his wife and child
>"sorry we had a bit of a temper tantrum on the way here in the car"
>nervously walks around staring at various objects solemnly as his wife talks to your mom
>kid occasionally screams really loudly
>looks through your parents small music collection a few times
>eventually warms up as dinner starts
>jokes about fatherhood and has one small glass of wine
>stays later than the other guests to talk to your dad about business and finance
>eventually his wife nags him to leave since his kid is finally sound asleep
>>61084518
>Welcome her in
>Punches you in the face
>Walks into the kitchen and starts marvelling at the cutlery
>Starts talking about what Christmas is like in Iceland
>Mum asks her to say grace
>Says grace in Icelandic
>Makes polite conversation, mainly about Iceland
> Leaves when everyone else does
>Find out later on that she fucked everyone at the party
>>61081696
>hella
650 pls
>>61088756
death grips fans
>>61088978
underrated
>>61080820
SHE WOULD WIP OUT HER COCK AND MY FAMILY WOULD GATHER AROUND THE TABLE WITH OUR KNIVES AND FORKS AND BEGIN TO CONSUME THE MASSIVE COCK AS IT IS A GOOD SOURCE OF PROTEIN WHILE MILEY MOANS AND YELLS SONG LYRICS AND WHILE SHE CUMS SHE WILL SHOUT I CAME IN LIKE A WREAKING BALL AND THEN A WRECKING BALL WOULD HIT THE HOUSE BECAUSE DAD FORGOT TO PAY RENT AND IT WOULD KILL HER INSTANTLY AND WE WOULD FEAST ON THE BODY OF MILEY CYRUS AND MASTURBATE AND COVER HER CORPSE IN CUM AND VAGINAL FLUIDS AND THEN PROCEED TO VOMIT AND SHIT ALL OVER HER AND URINATE AND THEN TAKE PICTURES AND VIDEOS OF ME SKULLFUCKING HER
>>61088756
Mi negro.
>>61090200
AYY LMAO AYY LMAO AYY LMAO AYY LMAO AYY LMAO
le kek so kek dae le thanks lori? xD ftw le really really like this image xP
why cant scruffy marry le 12 TIME MACHINE MODULUSyear old xDxDxD tfw no gf :P DAE LITERALLY WHO?
I LOVE YOU JESUS CHRIIIIIIIIIIIIIST jam of a lifetime haha nice mememusic pleb i tip my fedora to you, fine gentlemen le real men dont listen to le dadrock xD fuck reddit!!!!! dae vaporwave lel epic!!!!! ;p TIME MACHINE MODULUS xDDDDDD, sent ;)! xD, JENNY DEATH WHEN?!?!??!, le epic tripfriend! whos your waifu?
le epic MAC DEMARCO GOOFBALL!!!! le epic patrician here, ama :D, death grips is ICP? keke ebin... HES POINTING AT US :D XDDDDD, best new post, lelele so much kek FLAC FTW vinyl!!!!!11 dae le TIME MACHINE MODULUS weebteam? ;D le k-on ftw! epic memes, us /mu/tants huh!? ]:) tips fedora, whats essential fedoracore? TIME MACHINE MODULUS what.cd :)))))))
THE FACT THAT SO MANY BOOKS......... le meme gTIME MACHINE MODULUSrips (im a memer) dae le fantano!!! MELON :dd dae feels? le sad frog faec. ALL RAP IS MEMERAP, REPORTED FOR VIRAL MARKETING dae le Antz!? PRO-TIP: YOU CAN'T TIME MACHINE MODULUS!!!111 haha le TIME MACHINE MODULUSare underrated dae le CLT le dubs goy! le hehehehehehe..... pitchfork general @:=] 8.7 xd
le why dont you kids like tTIME MACHINE MODULUShe tool? is this a le new meme!?!?! screen capped for that TIME MACHINE MODULUS xD. inside is yellow :) WHEN I WAS!!!!!1 i used to be a pleb now im le p4k patrician : THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST top kek, toppest of keks, le inside is yellow? hahahaha le 3x3 thread. fucking epic ass meme i love that fucking meme so much man TIME MACHINE MODULUSwait let me just TIME MACHINE MODULUS : rips a bong AHHHHHHHH YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
dae trap influenced beats and TIME MACHINE MODULUS yo TIME MACHINE MODULUS 3 1 1 - D O W N breaks glass EEEEEEEEEEbin simply E B I N, literally eb: the in xD
that sure hit the spot ok now repeat that fucking epic ass M E M E haha us /mu/tants amirite :^)
>>61090200
thanks for that story anon
>>61089808
>>61090042
wonderful
These have probably happened
>>61089808
based
>arrives wearing a fat sweater
>eye makeup is running from the rain
>insists on sitting at the kid's table
>gets anger and violent when asked to pass the gravy
>undressing your 8 year old cousin with his eyes as his hand disappears under the table
>>61080985
Rofl what a guy
>>61086951
kek
>>61087391
topkek
>>61089860
has making it big turned him into an asshole?
>Shows up in a dress tripping his balls off on acid
>You open the door
>Turns 360 degrees and walks away
>>61085381
>do you have something against dogs
kek
>>61089808
this is a good one.
>arrives in a long ass limo
>dances weirdly in your house
>slowly turns everyone's face into RDJ's
>>61083849
If you don't get it then you should read Fancy People Adventures
>>61090046
>>Find out later on that she fucked everyone at the party
Now that's a party I wanna go to.
>>61083601
>tracking mud and lake water
>lake water
This got me good anon
>>61087930
>>drinks an entire thing of hazelnut Coffee Mate after dinner but you don't have the heart to tell him that's not actually coffee and everyone watches aghast
Best ITT
>>61083636
God yes
>shows up on time
>you greet him at the door, he's wearing his trademark wristband and black t-shirt
>tells you he's been going around singing traditional rock n roll carols
>asks if you're ready to rock
>spends evening spreading the word of rock n roll to all of the dismayed guests
>when asked to say grace he goes into a rant about how real christmas is made by friends in a garage, not on a computer
>cries about Kurt Cobain
>stays around long past his welcome
>before leaving asks if anyone has AIDS
>>61091123
not at all. he loves anime twitter memes though
>knocks on the door
>grandma goes to the door and asks who is it
>it_aint_me.exe starts playing
>>61094106
audibly chuckled
>>61083336
this
>arrives two hours late, crashes a tank through your garage
>hands over a warm bottle of Buckfast and takes his sandals off at the door
>says everything smells really good, but you notice he smells of green beans and old weed
>tries to talk to grandma about modular technology but they settle on gramophones
>genuinely curious, but he is distracted by the sound of mashed potatoes being served and rushes into the kitchen to sample it
>knocks over the bottle of Buckfast, says the sound of it smashing on the floor was lush
>tells your cousin he has some fine 25 year old Russian pussy waiting for him at home
>leaves early, you check Soundcloud the next morning and he's already made a song out of your grandma laughing and the mashed potatoes
>>61088514
Fucking yes.
>Shoehorns aremnian genocide in every conversation during dinner
>>61085942
>he walks into a room and does not light it up
>fuck
>>61094903
>grandma cuts turkey
>"yes, cut it like turkey did to us"
>he doesn't come
>arrives promptly
>perfectly cordial
>doesn't mind talking about his music if asked
>won't take his scarf off
>>61095796
>comes as he is
>>61095623
not bad
>>61094802
>potatoes
>why don't you like mashed potatoes?
>>61095961
kek
>>61094903
what genocide?
>>61094903
Armenians actually celebrate christmas in january
(Source: being armenian)
Someone do Roger Waters
>>61084730
i kek'd brah
someone do thom Yorke please
>>61096842
Thom wouldn't be there. It isn't happening.
>shows up on time
>he's wearing a blazer with a striped shirt underneath
>he mentions how he wore the same clothes to a house show in a basement in NYC
>seems really sad about something, but you have no idea what
>you can kind of tell he was pregaming, but he's hiding it well
>your mother asks him to say grace, and he does
>it's the saddest grace you've ever heard, and he apologizes at the end for letting everyone down
>he tries to finish his food, but he says he can't do it at this age anymore
>he finds the eggnog
>a combination of the eggnog and James' earlier drinking leads to him vomiting on the Timbales
>you mom sees him heading towards the front door and asks him what's wrong
>he says he's just going out for a smoke
>leaves
>>61096842
>shows up in heavy winter clothing
>sits down alone and mutters to himself
>sometimes he'll get up to play the piano for the people there, he half-wishes it was an ondes martenot
>says a really weird grace
>doesn't eat much
>hands everyone a copy of Tomorrow's Modern Boxes
>you can tell that he was happier than he was when he came in
>>61083875
ha!
>>61089990
is this supposed to be funny>
>>61096842
>shuffles in, bourbon literally dripping from his beard
>gives you an immaculate assortment of multicolored meringues
>when your grandma says they're delicious, he mutters, "well jonny made them but i brought 'em over innit, i'm the real talent here..."
>excuses himself 5 minutes into the feast
>in the family room, he's genuflecting, chanting "Orwell ackbar" repeatedly
>steals your baby nephew's toy piano, making him cry
>"sssshhhh, i know flying lotus, pitchfork likes me, it's ok baby, it's ok"
>thom starts crying too
>an older man with terrible posture and a paper bag over his head comes to pick thom up
>as they're leaving, your hear thom say "oi banksy, that david cameron sure is a mean old man huh?"
c'mon WASN'T MICHAEL GIRA INVITED OR WHAT
>>61083690
perfect
>>61089808
based
>>61098090
Yes
>>61086951
lol
