/mu/ jokes!
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You are currently reading a thread in /mu/ - Music
You are currently reading a thread in /mu/ - Music
Let's tell some jokes about music! Not images, just good old jokes
>knock knock
>knock knock
who's there?
who's there?
>steve reich
>steve reich
>steve reich who?
>steve reich who?
>knock knock
>nock knockk
who's there?
ho's there?w
>steve reich
>teve reichs
steve reich who?
teve reich who?s
>knock knock
>ock knockkn
who's there?
o's there?wh
>steve reich
>eve reichst
steve reich who?
eve reich who?st
>knock knock
>ck knockkno
who's there?
's there?who
>steve reich
>ve reichste
steve reich who?
ve reich who? ste
>knock knock
>k knockknoc
who’s there?
s there?who’
>steve reich
>e reichstev
steve reich who?
e reich who?stev
>knock knock
> knockknock
who’s there?
there?who’s
>steve reich
> reich steve
steve reich who?
reich who?steve
fuck off
2 peanuts at a rave
One says ''do you want any E's or trips?''
The other one says, ''nah Its alright, I'm salted''.
>>60957607
das pretty good anon
>>60957608
>knock knock
who's there?
>william basinski
william basinski who?
>knock knock
who's there?
>william basinski
william basinski who?
>kn ck knock
who's there?
>william ba inski
will m basinski who?
>kn ck knock
w o's th re?
>william ba inski
will m basinski who?
>kn ck k ck
w o's th re?
>william ba inski
will m bas ski who?
> n ck k ck
w o' th re?
>w liam ba inski
will m bas ski o?
> n ck k ck
w o' th re?
>w l m ba in ki
will m s ski o?
> n ck k ck
w o' th re?
>w l m in ki
w l m s s o?
> n k ck
w ' th re?
>w l m i i
w l m s o?
> n k ck
w ' e?
> l m i i
w l s o?
why did steve albini shave his head
>>60957643
why
Malcolm Mooney was walking around after recording Monster Movie with his band, when he got lost in the city.
He walked up to a policeman and asked, "Sorry sir, I'm lost and can't find my band, could you help me? "
The policeman replied, "I can."
Confused, Mooney said, "No, I'm in the Can, you're a policeman."
The policeman, who could tell Mooney was not from Germany, asked "Are you new here?"
Angry, Mooney shouted, "No, I'm not Neu, I just told you I'm in the Can!"
The policeman, further puzzled, asked, "Could you at least tell me who you are first?"
Now frothing with rage, Mooney screamed. "NO I'M NOT IN FAUST. WHERE IS THE CAN? WHERE IS THE CAN?"
Completely befuddled, the policeman cautiously pointed Mooney to the stairs leading up to the bathroom.
Mooney ran up the stairs, then back down, then up again, screaming "upstairs, downstairs, upstairs, downstairs!"
That is how Damo Suzuki became the new singer of Can.
>>60957643
to get to the other side
so dan barrett walks into a restaurant looking for some food
but he had that stupid bag over his head so he didnt realize it isn't actually a restaurant
and
there is no food
>>60957658
why did i laugh
hey /mu/, why couldn't stevie wonder see his friends?
>>60957671
cause he's dead
>>60957631
do one of Alvin Lucier
>>60957707
>knock knock
who’s there?
>alvin lucier
alvin lucier who?
>knock knock
who’s there?
>alvin lucier
alvin lucier who?
>knock knock
who’s there?
>alvvin lucier
alvin lucier who?
>knock knock
who’s there?
>alvvvin lucier
alvvin lucier who?
>knock knock
whov’s there?
>alvvvvvin lucier
alvvvin lucier who?
>knovck knock
whovv’s thevre?
>alvvvvvvvin lucier
alvvvvvvin lucievr who?
>knovvck knock
whovvv’s thevre?
>alvvvvvvvvvin lucier
alvvvvvvvvvin lucievvvvr who?
>knovvck kvvvock
vvovvv’s thevre?
>alvvvvvvvvvin lucier
alvvvvvvvvvin lvvvievvvvr whov?
>vvvovvck kvvvovvv
vvovvv’s vvvvvvre?
>alvvvvvvvvvivvv lvvier
alvvvvvvvvvin lvvvievvvvr whovvv
>vvvovvck kvvvovvv
vvvvvvvv’s vvvvvvre?
>vvvvvvvvvvvvvivvv lvvvv
vvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvvvvvr whovvv
>vvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvv
vvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvrvvvv
>vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvv
vvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvv
>vvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvv
vvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
>vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvv
vvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvvvv
>>60957764
nice desu ne
>>60957805
"knock knock"
"who's there?"
"knock knock
>who's there?
john cage
>john cage who?
..."
"I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF 4' 33" JOKES
THEY AREN'T FUNNY
YOU AREN'T A LE MUSIC NERD IF YOU KNOW ABOUT 4' 33"
YOU ARE NOT A COMEDIAN
STOP
TALKING
ABOUT
FOUR
THIRTY
THREE
FUCK"
>knock knock
who’s there?
>kendrick lamar
kendrick lamar who?
>knock knock
who’s there?
>kendrick lamar
kendrick lamar who?
>knock knock
who’s there?
>kendrick lamar
kendrick lamar who?
>knock knock
who’s there?
>kendrick lamar
kendrick lamar who?
>knock knock
whov’s there?
>alvvvvvin lucier
alvvvin lucier who?
>knovck knock
whovv’s thevre?
>alvvvvvvvin lucier
alvvvvvvin lucievr who?
>knovvck knock
whovvv’s thevre?
>alvvvvvvvvvin lucier
alvvvvvvvvvin lucievvvvr who?
>knovvck kvvvock
vvovvv’s thevre?
>alvvvvvvvvvin lucier
alvvvvvvvvvin lvvvievvvvr whov?
>vvvovvck kvvvovvv
vvovvv’s vvvvvvre?
>alvvvvvvvvvivvv lvvier
alvvvvvvvvvin lvvvievvvvr whovvv
>vvvovvck kvvvovvv
vvvvvvvv’s vvvvvvre?
>vvvvvvvvvvvvvivvv lvvvv
vvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvvvvvr whovvv
>vvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvv
vvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvrvvvv
>vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvv
vvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvv
>vvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvv
vvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
>vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvv
vvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvvvv
what the fuck is this thread
>>60957848
haha i just finished typing literally this out and then you posted it grr!
good one, anon
>>60957867
Why does Thom have an "H" in his name?
He stole it from Jonny
Hey /mu/, did you hear about John Cold-Train?
Guess you could say the old boy froze in his tracks.
On a more solemn note, John Coltrane died of liver cancer. I guess you could say the old boy took five.
>>60957844
>you aren't a music nerd
haha, i Am a music nerd, the busiest one on the internet too
lmao
>>60957882
thats funny as hell motherfucker i dare you not to laugh
>>60957894
hey anon what does a snail call anthony fantano?
>aaaannntthhooonnnyyyy fffaaaannntttttaaaannnnooooooo
What's My Bloody Valentine's tactical strategy?
Kevin Shields and Bilinda Butchers
>>60957929
holy fucking shit when i fully got it I almost choked laughing
that's lame as fuck but hilarious
>>60957927
>>60957948
A woman walks into a bar and orders a Double Entendre. There is no bartender behind the counter.
"Hello?" calls the woman. There is no answer. She hears a rustle and sees the heel of a shoe quietly slipping into the staff-only room.
"Oh, hello! I'd really just like to order a drink, if that's alright?"
Again there is no response, so she walks towards the door.
"Sir?"
She pushes the door open and peers inside. The bartender in huddled in the corner, his bright and worried eyes piercing through the darkness of the unlit room. He speaks:
"You... you what?"
"I'd like to order a Double Entendre."
The bartender sharply leaps to his feet and angrily paces towards the woman.
"I am out of Double Entendres. I gave the last one to the woman in the set-up, didn't you fucking see that? How about you open your god damn eyes before walking in my bar?"
The woman holds up her hand.
"You don't have to tell me, I'm the woman from the set-up. I work two shifts, now I'm on punchline duty."
The bartender squints. At that moment a duck charges into the bar and screams "PUT IT ON MY BILL. PUT IT ON MY BILL. PUT IT ON MY BILL. QUACK. PUT IT ON MY BILL."
"See what you've done." says the bartender.
"You've really done it now."
A woman walks into the bar and asks for a Double Entendre.
The duck puts her onto his bill.
>>60957929
Three friends are stranded in the desert.
Their names are Colonel, Jake, and Grigori. For days, they have been crawling on their hands and knees, dry mouths filled with sand, clothes tattered and hot. Jake, in a stroke of luck, knocks his knee against something hard in the sand. It is a genie's bottle. He uncovers it and, remembering the stories, vigorously rubs it with his sleeve. The lamp begins to shake, and suddenly a towering genie erupts from the nozzle.
"HELLO, MY CHILDREN" Roars the genie. His booming voice cascades across the bleak dunes around them.
"I AM A GENIE. MY NAME IS GENIE."
Colonel, Jake, and Grigori look at one another excitedly
"I WILL GRANT EACH OF YOU THREE WISHES."
Grigori approaches the big blue wonder.
"Genie, I want a cock the size of a big cock."
The Genie zaps Grigori's groin with his thunder hands. A massive bulge emerges in Grigori's jeans, and upon peeking inside, he yelps "I am endowed like a stallion!"
The Genie chuckles and Jake steps forward
"Genie, I want to go home. I hate the desert."
The Genie snaps his claws and Jake vanishes from sight. Far off in the distance, tens of thousands of miles away, they hear Jake yell "I'M HOME"
Colonel steps forward, ready to request his wish
"I want to be the owner of a five-star french restaurant in Washington D.C."
The Genie zaps Colonel with his thunder hands. Colonel begins violently seizing, choking up a frothy mix of blood and spit, his limbs wildly flailing. Colonel is suffering from a type of pain the likes of which no human has ever before felt. His muscles are contracting so hard that his bones are shattering under the stress. His body is destroying itself. Colonel prays for the mercy of death or unconsciousness but none comes. The Genie leans in very close to Colonel's mangled body.
"Be careful what you wish for, Colonel. You might just get it."
i wanted to tell you a joke about death grips, but the other half of the joke won't be here for another 9 months
My Bloody Valentine? More like My Bloody Ears!
>>60958029
My Bloody Valentine? Why don't the use those vacuums to clean up their act
wjy
>>60958059
LOL
>>60957603
>>60957607
>>60957608
>>60957623
>>60957627
>>60957631
>>60957643
>>60957649
>>60957655
>>60957658
>>60957665
>>60957670
>>60957671
>>60957701
>>60957707
>>60957764
>>60957805
>>60957844
>>60957848
>>60957867
>>60957868
>>60957882
>>60957889
>>60957894
>>60957917
>>60957919
>>60957927
>>60957929
>>60957939
>>60957948
>>60957959
>>60957966
>>60957997
>>60958016
>>60958019
>>60958029
>>60958038
>>60958059
>>60958066
i've had all your mums ;)
So there’s a child molester and a little boy walking into the woods.
The child molester and the little boy keep walking further and further, and it’s getting darker and darker, and they’re going deeper and deeper into the woods.
The little boy looks up at the child molester and says, ‘Gee, mister. I’m getting scared.’
And the child molester looks down at him and says, ‘You think you’re scared, kid? I have to walk out of here alone.’
Why did the black child molester get thrown in jail
Because he molested a child
You fucking racist
>>60958107
>>60958159
these are guh-r8, i love rape jokes!
>>60958181
>tfw i was legitimately raped by my mom when i was 15, like forced full-on sex
>diagnosed with ptsd and now have horrible sexual insecurities
>tfw people who have never been raped tell me not to make rape jokes because it might hypothetically offend someone
a hellish existence is mine
>>60958181
molesting != raping
What do you call a poncho that isn't yours?
PONCHO CHEESE
>>60958217
nice
>>60958217
>have rape "ptsd"
>not only actively embrace rape humour but complain about some people complaining about you doing so
why would you lie on the internet anon
>>60957959
underated post
>>60958243
>i saw a movie where a character had ptsd and skimmed a wikipedia article or two, i'm pretty sure i know how every ptsd case works
Great
So a captain and his shipmates have been out at sea for ages.
All of the men are talking about how much they can't wait to fuck their wives again.
One of the men says, "Oh yeah, man! I can't wait! Me and my wife are going to 69!"
The captain overhears this, and says "69? What's that?"
The men ask him, "you've never 69'd? That's it. When we get back, we're gonna get you a hooker to 69!"
So they arrive, and buy the captain a hooker.
The captain says to the hooker, "so... my shipmates told me we should 69."
She says, "okay, lie down."
So she gets on top of him, and they're going at it. The captain is really enjoying it, but then, the hooker farts. He doesn't seem to mind too much, and keeps going. But then she farts again, and he tells her
"alright, hun. I gotta stop you there. there's no way I can take 67 more of those."
>>60958243
>humour is never a coping mechanism
>>60958280
it is man i dont get you
>knock knock
who's there
>the
the who?
>the books
oh. it that the joke? is it over
>*clears throat* ahh...
hahaha...
>haha... yeah. um
hehehe!
>uh, well
hi... like a... huh.. hehehe
>hahahaha
uh haha
>haha
right haha
>hehe
um... no, no
>no?
hehe
>haha, yes
hahaha!
>oh my god...
yes hehe
>hehe, well... okay
oh, um
>do you-
hhehe
>kkkkhehehe
um
>hahaha! okay
um yeah, please
>okay
hehehe um
>yeah, well hehe
yeah, right hm
>okay? okay
hehe
>hahaha
hehehe
>oh, tssshahahaha!
hm
>well, y-... oh my god! um, bye
bu-bye
>>60958107
you literally retold an old cyanide and happiness comic. awful
>music related jokes
>>60958333
why did you take the time to make a full transcript of that song
admirable desu
So this poor kid is rummaging around in a Garbage Dump, and finds an old thrown out Neutral Milk Hotel shirt and puts it on. Later, he's walking down the highway to get back to his house, and a trucker pulls over and offers him a ride.
They're both riding down the highway, and the trucker leans over and says "Hey kid, you wanna get fucked in the ass?" The kid says no with a disgusted look on his face, so the trucker asks "You want me to suck your dick". The kid looks confused, and once again says no, so the trucker asks "You wanna suck my dick?" The kid thinks for a minute and says "Oh I get it. I'm not really an animal collective fan."
>>60958029
Liturgy, More Like SHITURGY HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH
my name is Hunter Hendricks and i want to shoot myself
>>60958496
I'm weak, anon
>>60957929
that took me a while but holy fuck
>>60958256
>>60958280
we believe you now
