Still Rolling Edition
Previous Thread: >>22450495
>You are Anonymous, and you are married to the pony of your dreams.
>At least, you WERE.
>You've been having some issues as of late.
The premise of this thread can cover a multitude of issues. Maybe you and your wife are fighting over something insignificant. Maybe the spark just isn't there anymore. Either side is welcome to have issues with the other.
If cuckoldry is your thing, sorry to say, but that's pretty frowned upon in here.
New content is welcome, and discussion encouraged.
Pastebin of previous threads and current stories thus far: http://pastebin.com/ARKY1Kny
Pastebin for aspiring writers (general concepts and techniques):
http://pastebin.com/V1ujiyJt
http://pastebin.com/whCQ2GpX
http://pastebin.com/bnMmZ2T3
>>22574797
First for Moona.
>>22574797
Okey, I'm going to dump my story here again, so more people will see it and give opinions:^)
>You are Anon
>At least, you think you are.
>Your mind is shattered into the million pieces, after you found your lovely wife riding another stallion at your own house.
>And this happened on the Heart's Warming Eve, the day you asked her out..
>You just wanted to get her by surprise and give her these beautiful flowers, which are lying in the trash can, next to her house now.
>You're now walking down the street, going nowhere, with no purpose to live or breathe.
>What can you do, when over four years of 'true' love has just ended?
>Why did she do it to you?
>How long has she been doing this?
>Did she even love you?
>Your internal monologue would last longer, but somepony has just ran over you.
>This made your blood in veins boil.
>Your eyes went red as you shout words going straight from your soul.
>These words are filled with all kinds of emotions you could come up with.
>You even don't mind all the stares you're catching
>You don't mind everything.
>Yes, you have no reasons to live here now.
1/?
>>22574807
>As you walk farther you hear voices, calling you "a monster", "an animal" and "the crazy monkey"
>Usually you talk to these ponies, asking them why they're insulting you.
>But not today.
>Today, this made your tears fall.
>You started to run, this time you have the target.
>Your old home, probably your only home now.
>You remember the day of your arrival
>The day, when everyone was happy.
>All those smiles, you will never forget them.
>She was the first to welcome you in this world.
>Yes, she was your guide.
>She has explained to you everything, every rule.
>She has introduced you to everypony here.
>Everyone was kind to you, even mayor of Ponyville gave you a house.
>The house you are heading to.
>After a few days after your arrival, you started working at the Sweet Apple Acres, helping with gathering apples.
>Months were passing, as Big Mac became your closest friend, your brother.
>You could talk to him nearly about everything.
>But could he understand the meaning of the betrayal?
"This just doesn't matter now."
>You say to yourself, simultaneously opening the door.
>As you look inside, your lungs are starting to cover with dust.
>You haven't been there for over three years.
>You have moved out, in the day of your marriage.
>As much, as you don't want to, your brain is starting to remind you everything about that day.
2/?
>>22574813
>You start to scour everything in the house, concurrently feeling the darkness embracing you.
>You have always been afraid of depression, especially when this was the thing, which got you here.
>You feel shiver going down on your backbone as you remind the day of your final decision.
>The 44. was your rescue. Your best friend. Probably your only friend.
>Now you don't want to think about it anymore.
>Resigned you fall on your old bed, and fall asleep.
>Immediately, your brain is filled with the song, you were listening back on Earth.
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ATxLct2jDo [Embed]
>As you carefully listen to the lyrics, you begin to cry internally.
>"Beautiful, but such a lonely creation, isn't it?" You hear voice behind you.
>This has scared the living shit out of you.
>You find yourself endlessly falling, screaming for help.
>"Don't let yourself succumb to the darkness!.."
>You wake up, still hearing those fading words.
>Someway, it was really creepy.
>Looking at the clock, you see that it's already half past ten. It's your working time.
"Applejack will understand a one day off"
>You need to talk to your 'sweetheart'- as you usually called her.
>Regardless how, you're going to do it.
3/?
Okey, I'm going to write more ASAP.
All opinions will be appreciated.Thanks guys
>>22565624 #
Without_Aname out of fucking nowhere
I was able to get some done. I'll post it after I wake up and can properly look it over instead of rushing. Sorry work got nuts.
>>22574816
>After eating the breakfast, your mind is starting to get bombarded by tons of ideas.
>Ideas connected to the betrayal of your wife.
>You shuffle and think about them, one after the other one.
>You're not sure how much time you spent on that, sudden banging on your door made you jump and fall from your chair.
"WHAT THE HELL!"
>With a face expressing anger and soreness, you open the door.
>"Howdy Anon!, Ain't you sorry for not goin' to the work today huh?, Ah have started to worry about ya!"
>You really did not expect this
>You're not ready for this
>But you feel the internal pressure of throwing these words out.
"Come inside, I'll tell you something"
>She must have noticed your petulant voice, as she stares at you with compassion
>Without asking any other questions, she goes into your house
>She sits on your sofa and says:
>"What did happen Anon?, Ya' know, ya' can trust mah"
"I know that"
>"Soo?" She looks at you slightly turning her head.
>She looks so adorable in this position.
>But this is not the time for compliments.
"I'm leaving AJ"
>"WAIT, what did ya' say?"
"I'm leaving this town"
>You said it in more vexatious voice than you wanted.
>"Ya' are joking right?"
"You should know it better AJ"
4/?
>>22575440
>This made her cry a little bit.
>Okey, more than a little bit.
>Now it doesn't matter what would you say. The damage is done.
>"B-but what 'bout helpin' me on the farm, ya' have been there for over four years! What 'bout Big Mac, ya' want to leave him too?"
"It is a truly hard decision for me, but I have seen something.. something which I should never seen."
>Your voice got that dark and somber, that she curls up into a little ball.
>Looking at you, with mercifulness in her eyes, she says
>"W-what did ya' s-see?"
"My own wife, betraying me with some fucking orange-maned white stallion"
>Her expression immediately changes to unreadable.
>"A-ah think Ah know what a-are ya' talkin' 'bout, b-but Twilight would never do that again!"
"Again? AGAIN? What the fuck are you talking about!?"
>Shit, you need to start controlling your own voice dude.
>She curls up even tighter.
>"S-she had been with o-other stallion b-before ya'"
>Why didn't Twilight tell you about it?!
>You were honest and truthful to her
>It seems, that she wasn't.
5/?
>>22575447
"Continue please"
>"S-so, she had been with him for 'bout, t-two years"
>Two fucking years, She told you, that you're her first partner...
>"O-one day this orange-maned stallion called Fire Streak c-caught her havin' some fun with other stallion"
>So you weren't even the second one! How great...
>"H-he found her doors locked, s-so he destroyed them, and.. and h-he destroyed the other stallion t-too..."
>"She was screaming for help, when her coltfriend's head got ripped off."
>"H-his anger made him that powerful, so s-she couldn't even stop him"
>"She tried to beg for mercy, she had even promised, that she is goin' to do everything for him.
>"His decision was really surprising, he had forgiven her. But what he has done, made him compelled to stay behind the Canterlot's bars for five years...
>"Twilight was visiting him every month, until you arrived"
>So THIS was her purpose to go to the Canterlot that often...
>You were just her puppet.
>Her fucking puppet.
"Why are you telling me all these things?"
>Your voice is fully venomous
>"A-ain't Ah the e-element of the h-honesty? Ah, can't lie!"
"So why didn't you tell me about this before this whole thundering thing happened?!"
>"Ah and whole Ponyville had been thinking, that she found her missing half. I-it was going so well. We even have forgotten about this, but we had never thought, that she was going to... betray again."
>>22575455
>6/?
Okey, that's all for now.
What are your opinions?
>>22575440
I like this AJ.
Straight to the plot.
>>22575447
Again cliche. Pretty nice one.
>>22575455
>Anon as the second best.
I'm pleased.
This AJ is great.
>>22575461
At first: More.
At second: It will be great story.
At third: This AJ is great.
I can't wait to see what will happen next.
>>22575491
Thanks mate! Already wrote the next post:^)
I will drop some green when I manage to write at least three of them.
Thread is going slow, I will bump it so it doesn't die. We have come far since that first Adulterous Twilight thread.
>>22576216
What were you doing after piece5?
>>22576216I will try to fasten this thread then
>>22575455
>As time passes, the deafening silent ruling in the room speaks louder than any words that could be spoken.
>That, this, It just can't be true.
>Only if you didn't hear this 'heresy' from The Element of the Honest...
>You feel your soul burning
>You feel your soul screaming, tearing your body and plunging your body into neverending pain.
"Thank you Applejack"
>You say it staring at the floor, but your gaze looks, like you're looking into the hell at the moment.
>You silently hope that you will find your 'wife' here.
>"A-ah should have told you 'bout this, A-ah'm really sorry sugarcube."
"It was not your fault at all. It was nobody's fault. It was just my own fault"
"I was just too trustful... I will be leaving in a few days"
>Your gloomy voice slowly fades out, as you begin to pack your things.
>"A-ah, A-ah'm, sorry"
>As she passes your doors quietly crying, you hear her silently saying
>"Just come back, please"
"I can't promise anything now."
7/?
>>22576398
>You're Twilight, the Princess of Friendship
>And you have no idea where your Nonny can be.
>You're really glad, that he didn't come to you yesterday
>You smile while thinking about it
>But today is the day, when both of you planned an experiment.
>He always loved your experiments and tests.
>Even when being your guinea pig.
>Though he didn't give you any present on your anniversary, you have something for him.
>You just need to find him.
>He often stays late at the Sugarcube Corner, so this the first place you're heading too.
>Finding the bakery closed, you bang on the door.
>"Hiiya Twilight! What brings you there? It is scarcely six o'clock! But it's never too early for a party!"
>She says throwing at you some ballons
>Her smile can sometimes be really creepy, especially when she is smiling from ear to ear.
>Trying to force a smile you say.
"I'm looking for Anon, Did you see him yesterday or today?"
>"Huh? Naaah, You want to organize a spectacle for him? Or maybe performance? Just gimme some time!"
"Pinkie! I'm just looking for him!"
>She clearly saddened
>"No, I didn't see him"
>This lamentable voice..
>Only Pinkie can go from full-happy mode to the cheerless mood in less than a few seconds.
>You didn't know, that soon you will find yourself capable of doing it too.
8/?
>>22576398Of course I meant fasten this thread to the page 1 :^)
>>22576420
>You're Anon again.
>And you have no clue where you can mislay.
>You just want to quietly disappear, but now it is not possible.
>You still have your 'Prince' title, and most of ponies know most things about you.
>Packing up your things, your old acoustic guitar catches your gaze.
>Your brain roughly reminds you, that you've played several songs for Twilight on it.
>However, this is the only thing, which came with you from the Earth.
>You start to gently scour it, trying to not destroy the old strings.
>After some time, your work is done.
>You just can't restrain yourself from trying to play on it afresh.
>Trying to play some chords, you find that your instrument is out of tune, and you have no idea how did sound the tuned one.
>Anyway you pack it, mainly because most of your things are still in your and Twilight's house.
>You take everything from the house, that could be useful on your self-proclaimed banishment.
>As you close the door of your old house, some tears fall from your eyes.
>You know, that you're not going to come back.
9/?
>>22576480
>After you ended your contemplating, you decide to go to the Manehattan.
>It seems to be the best place to start.
>It's far enough to forget about this place
>It's big enough to find a job
>It's civilized enough to be not persecuted
>At least these are your assumptions.
"There is no way back now"
>Your internal monologue is going on, concomitantly with moving wheels of the train.
>Some ponies are looking at you, you even hear a filly crying because it has just seen you.
>Am I really that monstrous?
>Am I really that different?
>Eh, stupid rhetolical question.
>Time passes by, you spend it on watching landscapes of the Equestria
>It is such a wonderful place
>So why it needs to be filled with all this fear...
10/?
>>22576501
And that's all I have got for now.
Hope that you will enjoy it, and as always, looking forward to see your opinions guys.
>>22576301
I lurked a little in that thread after he went away, and then the thread died, At the time I was in four theads wich two (piece5 and another one) of them died, I was in the dazzlings general but there was too much shitstorming for my taste, and then I had this thread, well, when it was the Adulterous Twilight thread, now we have a baby general.
>>22576530
I missed you, faggot.
Without_Aname, we summon you!
APPEAR
>>22576501
This is pretty good, though, I don't see where this is going, but this is just the beggining, I hope AJ gives Sparklebitch a lesson like pic related.
>>22576568
Me too, m8.
Do you know where Guitar Guy is?
>>22576943
Of course.
>>22574946
We should keep ourselves closer.
Find me on skype, if you want.You know how to call me.
>>22577011
I don't have skype.
Also, you don't seem to be Fapman, and piece5 is most probably >kill.
You can be Anonymität, or Fapman.
>>22577124
Baby Luna!
Because, what? I'm decent now!
I'm trying, at least.
I even write, but it not as good as I would like to.
>>22577172
It's because your English is getting better.
Also, lets stop talking, we are going to scare the anons.
>>22577226
Install skype.
I need a proof reader.
>>22576501
Twalot is too slutty in this story.
>>22577359
Except that no one in this board knows about me. And I don't really want to talk with people I know in generals because generals are not the places to do that shit.
>>22577369
She is too slutty in every green in this general, shit, she was even more slutty in the Adulterous Twilight threads.
>>22577438
I know about you. If I recall I've called you out for being a faggot a couple of times. I think that was back in the original adulterous Twilight threads. You've shit up this board more than once, faggot
>>22576398
>Heresy cliche
More cliches!
Broken Anon who wants to run away?
I love it.
>>22576420
>You're Twilight, the Princess of Friendship
Let me fix it.
>You're Twilight, the slut of the killer.
>And you have no idea where your Nonny can be.
I felt a shudder here.
>>22576480
Shattered Anon?
You made him well.
>You know, that you're not going to come back.
It's sad.More.
>>22576501
>Some ponies are looking at you, you even hear a filly crying because it has just seen you.
Kek!
>So why it needs to be filled with all this fear...
Because you can eat them. One by one.
>>22576512
I like it.
The way you descibe his sadness. Not fury, sadness. It's different. It's fresh.
captcha: paind
>>22577527
It's so easy to tell when Fapman posts, even without a name
>>22577543
It's not a crime to feedback.
>>22577462
If I don't remember wrong you are the guy that feels insecure about people namefaggin'.
>>22577519
Also, I crearly said to him, that we need to stop talking so the thread keeps on topic.
>>22577563
>>22577577
>insecure about namefagging
No, I just understand that I'm not a special snowflake who has to have a name on all the time. You, on the other hand... It's basically an attention whore thing.
>>22577585
I really can't understand your problem here, He is using a name, And I really don't mind it. He's giving a feedback, more or less precisely, but he's giving it.
Fapman is a good feedback source tooOf course omitting his English, which is already getting better...
He is pointing the individual sentences and comments them. It's a good kind of opinion for writefags.
>>22577639
>>22577608
Nope.
I overpassed my need of that.
>>22577639
>>22577653
Thank you.
>>22577663
>I overpassed my need of that
First off, wat. Second, you still fucking do it, so I don't know what you're trying to say.
>>22577662
It's the default "simbol" you cumstain. If you weren't desperate for people's approval you wouldn't have that name in the first place. You "like it" because it gets you attention. Shit, you're probably eating this up just because I'm talking to you.
>>22577639
Fapman just leaves a bitter taste in my mouth by now. It triggers me greatly that he took the name off yet every single fucking time he posts he tells people "HAY. HAY GUIS. I'M FAPMAN, DID YOU KNOW THAT? I'M THE SAME GUY."
He's still a complete faggot.
>>22577703
Welcome to /b when people hates for hate gods...
Oh, it's /mlp?
Who cares?
>>22577639
I think Fapman should learn how to write in proper english before trying to comment on other people's writing
>>22577703
>Second, you still fucking do it, so I don't know what you're trying to say.
Okey I must stop here. You are telling him to stop writing the feedbacks because you don't like the way how they look?Please, think...
Next thing, Mr. Anony Mous is NOT getting attention by his name. He's getting it, because he writes well, and with sense.Are you jealous?
And third thing:
> "HAY. HAY GUIS. I'M FAPMAN, DID YOU KNOW THAT? I'M THE SAME GUY."
Where the fuck did he write that?
Just stop baiting this hard man.
>>22577770
But Fapman is a faggot
>>22577703
Except that I haven't done anything for people to approve me, also, it doesn't get me any attention, it's just a name, the only one in this board that gives me attention because of it it's you and some other faggots like you who are entlited to their opinions. Also, I don't really know why I am even talking to you at this point this is the worst bait I have seen in here.
>>22577770
>Okey I must stop here. You are telling him to stop writing the feedbacks because you don't like the way how they look?
I'm telling him to stop announcing who he is
>Next thing, Mr. Anony Mous is NOT getting attention by his name. He's getting it, because he writes well, and with sense
The only reason anyone knows who he is is because of the name. He produces no content, and if he does, he uses the name on every fucking thread regardless. It's an attention seeking thing. It always was. There is no benefit to using the name other than to get attention from other anons. That is exactly what's happening now. I sort of regret giving it to him, but someone needs to tell him how much of a faggot he is.
>Where the fuck did he write that?
He obviously didn't write that word for word you illiterate fuck. If you actually read this thread he has told people who he is on multiple posts. That defeats the whole fucking purpose of taking off the name. He is just as attention-seeking as the other fag.
Also,
>are you jealous?
Nice way to attempt to ignore the actual arguments, faggot.
> mfw waking up to this on the board.
>>22576622
I have a little bit to put up when the back and fourth stops.
>>22575455
eh... good effort but it's a bit too autistic for me. AJ's emotions/response is way too strong and out of the blue. seems to be a textbook case of you are writing with yourself as the audience, ie. you are assuming the reader's image of the character and the scene is as complete as the image you have in your head. but the reader is left feeling like there are sentences missing.
also, the OP fight, especially "head got ripped off" is ultra edgy... and Twi's response to that situation just seems way ooc.
alot of the issues will be english i suspect. not so much english grammatical (which is pretty good) as cultural/usage. ie. maybe you didn't literally mean "ripped his head off" but that's an expression in your language meaning got beat up bad. that, and lots of cultures seem to be alot more explicit and exaggerated about emotions, and i can't into that.
anyway, for my taste it would have to be toned down a bunch.
>>22578181
>> mfw waking up to this on the board.
no fucking kidding.
this is the most pathetic shitstorm i've seen on /mlp/ in a while.
Okey I'm back!
>>22576943
>>22577527
Thanks for all the opinions guys
>>22578211
Hmm, I will keep that in mindDude, I listened to drama music, while I was writing this :^)
Continuing - This is my first story, so I'm really glad that I'm getting feedback.
Also, I'm going to drop some green before sleep. Stay tuned
>>22578181
Please, post, the shitstorm has ended.
Should I bother.
>>22578642
Only green can calm the storm
>>22578642
Good, mods have deleted this whole spiderman stuff.Maybe story time?
>>22578642
It's me >>22576530
Just post, or wait until mods get this cunt out of hee.
>>22565624 #
> The song is over and a new one has begun, but she stays holding onto you almost cherishing your embrace.
> Music To My Ears (PON3 Remix):https://youtu.be/-bP4trLjo5k
> The new song that plays is a much faster pace and the party around you becomes louder and more alive again.
> Ponies dance lively, drink and cheer as the excited little DJ mixes away.
> Lights flash and change color feeding the mood.
> But you both still sway slightly not wanting to let the moment go, the new music pace and energy not entering either of your ears more than a muffled background noise.
> Your victory of remaining composed is bitter sweet.
> There was nothing more you wanted than to let loose and let whatever was going to happen, happen.
> Twilight went as far as she did... and as far as you're concerned you're done wi...stop thinking about her...
> You release your embrace on your dancing partner as the cooler air hits both your skin bringing you back to reality.
> Luna takes a small step back still maintaining eye contact, attempting to muster some sort of composure.
> Her eyes are full of desire for you but her words contradict that, " We must apologize once more my dear Anonymous. We... we don't know what came over us... We respect your composure and resolve. Like always, you cease to intrigue us." Her facial features show a hint of saddeness.
> Guilt finds its way into you picking up on that.
"Luna.. Believe me. I'm sure I'll be hating myself later, but.. I need things to be done.. completely.. Before I can even think of.. you know.. 'dancing' " you finger quote. " o.or.. anything like that. .. Not to say that, you know that...I don't w-want...i.. i.. I don't know anymore.. I'm sorry.."
> Your voice dies off as you confuse yourself.
89/?
>>22578851
Lurking.
>>22578851
>Like always, you cease to intrigue us.
That sounds terrible.
>>22578851
>"Luna.. Believe me. I'm sure I'll be hating myself later, but.. I need things to be done.. completely.. Before I can even think of.. you know.. 'dancing' " you finger quote. " o.or.. anything like that. .. Not to say that, you know that...I don't w-want...i.. i.. I don't know anymore.. I'm sorry.."
Muh nigga. Anon is better than Whorelight.
>>22578851
This is pretty good. I wonder what Cadence has to say about this entire situation, but if she is going to choose a side, it won't be the little purple bitch side.
>>22579073
Yes it does, also, wouldn't it be "you never cease to intrige us".
>>22578851
>you cease to intrigue us
Should be;
>"You never cease to intrigue us."
Captcha was ghbom
>>22579073
Ya I just re read that. It's wrong. I guess i didnt save an edit. I meant to put something along the lines of
> As always, you have yet ceased to...
Whoops
>>22579174
>That file name tho'
>>22578851
Nice work m8, I love reading your story.Yeah, you can make the reader addicted to your work
I think I will drop my green then, as promised:
>>22576501
>You finally arrived at the place, which you'll be calling home soon.
>You talked to the mayor of Manehattan, presenting yourself as the 'poor immigrant' and it actually worked.
>It's just a small flat in the center of Manehattan, but it's big enough to live here without any obstacles.
>You begin to unpack all the things you got from Ponyville
>It's not that much, just a couple of boxes and a backpack.
>And there is your first mistake.
>You didn't take any money from home, because all of it are currently in Twilight's house.
>Fuck.
>You find yourself without any money, with just some needless things.
>And with guitar.
>This gave you an idea.
>Taking the instrument with you, you head to the closest music shop.
>'Closest' meh, Apparently the shop is placed on the edge of the town.
>And this is just a little building with an even smaller slogan.
>Slowly losing hope, you knock at the front door.
>After a few minutes, an old unicorn stallion opens the 'gate'.
>"Hello there, my big friend. What can I help you?"
>Woah man, you didn't expect seeing THAT old stallion there, even his voice is more grating than you have thought.
"I'm looking for a place, when I can tune this guitar into its original tuning."
>"So you came to the right place then, Don't stay there! Come inside"
11/?
>>22579174
Are you posting from your phone?
>>22579272
>As you enter his little house, you begin to be surprised by the amount of instruments here.
>They're everywhere, literally.
>Lying on the floor, standing on the holders, attached to the walls.
>They're various instruments, going from violins, through all kinds of the guitars, to even the cellos and pianos.
>He must noticed your stare as he laugh and say
>"Yeah son, My whole life is connected to the music, now gimme this guitar, and I will see what can I do"
>Unsteadily you give him your guitar and look over him to see what he'll do with it.
>"Oh boy, where did you store this equipment? Its condition is fatal..."
>He begin to repair the implement using his hooves and magic.
>Someway it looks both funny and frightfully to see him using his big hooves in this little guitar.
>You get bored very quickly, so you walk towards the instruments looking at them.
>These things are made perfectly, every detail is finished.
>You're really amazed by their quality.
>But they aren't build like those built on the Earth...
>His voice gets you out of your stream of thoughts
>"Hey, big one, come here."
>As you walk in his direction you see a guitar.
>But, is this your guitar?
>It looks completely different. It's much prettier than your one.
>"I have looked through your instrument... This is not our world's device..."
12/?
>>22579289
>"So I decided to throw some my solutions into it"
>He hands you your guitar back
>His gaze evidently says 'Come on, play on it'
>Still unsure you pick up your instrument and play some chords.
>The sound coming from the soundboard made you astounded
>You are not sure if this is even possible.
"What kind of sorcery is this?"
>"30 years of making instruments lad."
"So how can I pay you for your work?"
>"Just play for me at least one song from your origin place"
>Holy shit, actually it's kinda hard, especially when you haven't played for four years..
>But only the stupid one would decline.
>You start to play the song your mother had played to you once you were young.
>The exactly song she had played before she died in the car crash.
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koczXygKlWU
>As the final sound fades you find the old stallion crying.
>Hey! It's not fair! You didn't make that much mistakes!
>"S-so this is the kind of music which is popular in your world..."
>"Let me acknowledge that your payment is done, I-I'm really grateful"
>Without any other word spoken he goes upstairs.
>So, This is your time to go, huh?
>As you cross the door frame, you feel the compassion for him.
>He is so lonely...
>Anyway, this is not your thing now.
>You are heading to the Central Park
13/?
>>22578851
> You don't even know what you were thinking.
> What just drove you to this situation with Luna?
> It didn't feel wrong by any means, in fact it felt like nothing you have experienced in quite some time, but how did it get to here?
> You have every intention to never see Twilight again...
> Your chest aches when her name makes it's way into your head again.
> But you don't know why, you truly never wanted to see her again.
> Luna displays an understanding smile masking saddened eyes.
> " Like we said Anonymous... We are sorry. You have been in our thoughts for so long. We tried to protect you in whatever way we could, significant or not. Whether it be from bad dreams and memoriesto distracting you from the pain you're feeling currently." She breaks eye contact.
> "We were being selfish just now. Not considering how soon such a... traumatic experience could still be affecting you. Putting our own.. wants.. before considering this. We want you to.... well..." she pauses looking to collect herself with a deep breath and articulate, the way she loves to. "... We can only hope you forgive us in our lack of... discretion. It's just... that, Anon.."
> She looks to the ground embarrassed, a pink hue crossing her cheeks. "Nevermind.. We apologize."
> She is hiding how flustered she is as some of her stary midnight mane falls over her face.
" It takes two to dance Luna" you say to her trying to lighten the mood.
> She blushes harder trying to hide a grin. "
> "Yes, yes we suppose it does. We hope this doesn't effect your... image or opinion of us. We would greatly enjoy seeing more of you Anonymous. Whether that be a visit in Canterlot, or a visit in a dream."
> Did she just invite you to Canterlot?
" You know I always enjoy your company Luna. All I ask is to let me get some .... things... straightened out before we have another.. .. 'dance' " you air quote goofing a little with a cheesy smile.
90/?
>>22579308
>You don't know the rules of playing music on the street, but damn, what's bad in it?
>You place yourself on the bench near the artificial lake and start playing some slow music.
>Ponies are starting to stare at you, but they're still walking by.
>You decide to play some faster music
>This is the moment, when somepony has stopped to give you some money.
>Another ponies are starting to stop next to you, to listen your music.
>Yeah, you recovered your talent from years ago.
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v9oae5ClxaQ
>And it goes and goes.
>You feel yourself lost in your own music, as the time passes by.
>Suddenly somepony guard has poked you.
>"Hey, musical monkey, we're closing the park, It's already eleven o'clock!"
>Holy shit, you came here in the noon!.
>Taking the guitar case from the ground you find a lot of money in it.
>Yes, you can live with that.
>You get lost in thought again, as you walk towards your home.
14/?
>>22579323
And that's all from me today.
Damn, nearly 16000 characters written today. Hope that you'll enjoy it, and post your opinions
>>22579311
Sorry if I interrupted your posting, Keep going dude.
>>22579323
Sorry didn't mean to post while you are.
Sorry for the errors, I'm running late for work I have a little more I'll drop later and work on more when I can.
>>22577563
Idk, there is feedback and then there is pointless fangirl cockguzzling. These posts seem to trend towards the latter and carry about as much useful substance as a tween gushing over how great Justin Beiber is. The only thing missing is pointless asterisks encompassing your physical actions in life like it has some importance or relevance.
>>22576501
With that in mind, real feedback time I guess.
First off here >>22575447, everything in this entire conversation after this point feels forced. A relatively benign statement such as "I'm moving away" is not usually met with immediate and uncontrollable sobbing by the recipient of the message unless said person is mentally unstable. It feels extremely out of character for Applejack to react in such a fashion and spend the rest of the conversation stuttering.
Dialogue in general seems dry. Part of it can easily be rectified by adding some minimal amount of description between lines. The retelling of Twilight's sordid actions does not have the impact I assume you were going for. We get line after line of her drull monologue with only short quips into Anon's mindset. Applejack might as well be Microsoft Sam because she doesn't have any sort of emotion being shown. You can easily reread it with her being shitfaced drunk and laughing about the whole thing.
A lot of this can probably be summarized as "show don't tell". Build the scene because the reader can't see what you see.
Also, please stop with the "the Canterlot", "the Manehattan", and "the Equestria". This makes it read as if they are objects and not locations. Remove the "the" before each of these. This plus a few other mistakes lead me to believe you are not a native English speaker and you should consider looking for someone to edit/review your stuff before posting. Heck, simply running it through a spellchecker immediately before posting will fix a LOT of errors.
>>22579895
You have good points.
Parting from that, the plot seems good. Is like IRL when you are avoiding a problem so you won't have to feel sad but then the problem gets you and you don't feel sad, you feel like shit. It's like that but in this case taken to the extreme.
Hope no one minds if I drop in and write a bit. Decided to take this Anon in a bit of a different direction.
> Be Prince Anonymous.
> And you can scarcely believe the information set out before you.
> Yet here it was, clear as day.
> Pictures, of your wife...
> Your wife betraying you.
> One of your contacts said they had something juicy for you, but you had never expected...
"How much?"
> You keep your voice even.
> The lanky stallion shuffles slightly. They're always so easily intimidated.
> "Six-hundred bits. A thousand if you want the name of the stallion."
> Hmm. Quite the high offer.
> An unreasonable offer.
"I'll give you five-hundred for the pictures and the stallion's name."
> A more reasonable offer, you thought.
> The stallion's scoff suggested otherwise.
> "I know how much you don't want this to get out. My price remains the same."
> You hated when they knew they had a good hand.
> But maybe you could convince him otherwise.
> You swiveled your chair around, facing the gardens outside your window.
"And I know how much you enjoy staying out of prison, Featherweight."
"I'm being generous by offering you anything at all. And suddenly I'm in no mood to negotiate."
> "But your reputation-"
> You silence him with a gesture of your hand.
"My reputation will remain sterling, if not improved by this information. It's my wife who would suffer."
"I'll not ask again, Featherweight."
>>22580793
> You hear him shuffle from behind you.
> He then gives an exasperated sigh.
> "Fine. It was Private First-Class Flash Sentry, sir."
> You hear the photos drop onto the desk.
"Perfect. Simmer will compensate you on your way out."
> You gesture with your hand that he's free to go, and the door opens behind him.
"It's been a pleasure."
> He grunts, then turns to leave.
> The door closes.
> Your arm lashes out.
> A fifteen-thousand bit vase is the victim of your rage.
> A gift from a Gryphon delegation.
> It was almost three millennia old.
> Shattered on the floor.
> This was unfortunate.
> Very unfortunate.
> Much of what you had built was dependent on your relationship to Twilight.
> Your status as Prince was what had enabled you to build political capital.
> It enabled you to start building up a repertoire of secrets.
> Your livelihood depended on you maintaining that title, if this information got out...
> But it wouldn't. Because you could stop it.
> Because secrets were your profession. Usually they just weren't so close to your identity.
> And usually keeping them secret didn't hurt so badly.
>>22580805
> But most importantly, you had to stop this from happening again.
> Twilight wouldn't cheat with just anyone, she's not quite so stupid as to risk her reputation carelessly.
> This Flash Sentry must have some strong connection, something irreplaceable.
> So really, covering this up was more a matter of dealing with him at this point.
> Getting up, you walked over to a bookcase.
> Pulling back the "Tome of Cyclical Entropy," the wall begins to shift.
> Revealing your pride and joy.
> Behind the false door, row-upon-row of filing cabinets.
> Dirt on just about every person on this damn world.
> Knowing exactly where to go, you navigate the room flawlessly until you reach it.
> A cabinet labelled "E. Royal Guard - Canterlot Region."
> Pulling it open, you move to guard assignments to Ponyville.
> It doesn't take you long to find Flash, but you have almost nothing on him.
> So this would have to be indirect.
> The Captain of the Ponyville Guard was one "Gilded Light."
> Opening his file, a grin spread across your face.
> You did so love the game.
> Closing it, you return the rest and close the cabinet, taking it with you back to your office.
> You carefully navigate the shattered porcelain of the vase.
> As you take your seat in your comfortable chair, you pull out a quill from the desk.
> Some parchment from a cabinet.
> And you begin to machinate.
>>22580822
"Dear Captain Light."
> Best to begin formal.
"I am writing you regarding one Miss Shining Diamond."
> And hit hard, and fast.
"I am well acquainted with your improprieties with her."
> Appear civil.
"I hope dearly that you know the cost of infidelity in Saddle Arabia."
> But make clear the threat.
"If you wish to avoid a political catastrophe which could cost you your life..."
> The threat to him.
"And the possible costs to your family."
> The threat to what he holds dear.
"I have only one request."
> Make the task easy.
"You will order Private First Class Flash Sentry to stand guard alone at the Babbling Brook."
> And show how simple it will be for him to keep this all safe.
"His posting will be beside the Everfree."
> Leave no details out.
"Burn this letter after reading it. Tell no one, I will know if you do."
> And make clear your power.
"Further instructions will follow."
> And that was all it took.
> You'd have Flash out of the way in no time.
> And then you'd only have to deal with your unfaithful wife.
Where is fife?
>>22580832
That's it for now. Figure I'll test the waters with a new idea before plunging in, see how it suits me.
Also: Fife pls come back.
>>22580793
>>22580805
>>22580822
>>22580832
This is the green I was waiting for. A Prince Anonymous that has a nice web of power in his hands that he can make anyone to stand on their knees and suck his dick while he says: "ALL YOUR BASE NOW BELONG TO US, RESISTANCE IS FUTILE". But I hope he knows when to be like this, and when to be a good king.
>>22578851 #
(Sorry it's bugging me that I posted in the middle of another story)
> You don't even know what you were thinking.
> What just drove you to this situation with Luna?
> It didn't feel wrong by any means, in fact it felt like nothing you have experienced in quite some time, but how did it get to here?
> You have every intention to never see Twilight again...
> Your chest aches when her name makes it's way into your head again.
> But you don't know why, you truly never wanted to see her again.
> Luna displays an understanding smile masking saddened eyes.
> "Like we said Anonymous... We are sorry. You have been in our thoughts for so long. We tried to protect you in whatever way we could, significant or not. Whether it be from bad dreams and memoriesto distracting you from the pain you're feeling currently."She breaks eye contact.
> "We were being selfish just now. Not considering how soon such a... traumatic experience could still be affecting you. Putting our own.. wants.. before considering this. We want you to.... well..." she pauses looking to collect herself with a deep breath and articulate, the way she loves to. "...We can only hope you forgive us in our lack of... discretion. It's just... that, Anon.."
> She looks to the ground embarrassed, a pink hue crossing her cheeks. "Nevermind.. We apologize."
> She is hiding how flustered she is as some of her stary midnight mane falls over her face.
"It takes two to dance Luna" you say to her trying to lighten the mood.
> She blushes harder trying to hide a grin. "
> "Yes, yes we suppose it does. We hope this doesn't effect your... image or opinion of us. We would greatly enjoy seeing more of you Anonymous. Whether that be a visit in Canterlot, or a visit in a dream."
> Did she just invite you to Canterlot?
" You know I always enjoy your company Luna. All I ask is to let me get some ....things...straightened out before we have another.. .. 'dance' " you air quote goofing a little with a cheesy smile.
90/?
>>22581596
> This causes her to blush heavy as she looks down covering her smile with her hoof lightly giggling.
> You reach your hand to her and gently move some of the mane that fell infront of her face away.
> Your hand caresses the side of her face gently as your thumb crosses her cheek lightly.
> She responds, by sighing lightly turning her head into your hand again.
> You can't help but to at least hug her as you stand by the railing, both overlooking the party.
> She leans her head into your chest having to settle for the hug.
> Her eyes look up to you longingly clearly wishing for more.
> But all she can do is wear a sheepish smile and turn her head back into your chest resting it there nuzzling into it slightly.
91/?
>>22581633
Please sir, may I have more?
I am thoroughly enjoying your story and have your pastebin open at all times and anxiously anticipate updates to the story. Keep up the awesome work man!
Back for the evening. I'll try getting a small update out. Gonna be a long day tomorrow.
>>22581837
Thanks bruh, it keeps me wanting to write. I gotta update the pastebin it's a little behind.
>>22581968
Can't wait
>>22580884
Keep it coming dammit
>>22580884
This is pretty damn good so far, I hope you continue this.
>>22582103
Reading stories such as yours and Fifes' really make me want to start writing. Albeit there are guides to help beginners ease into writing, I would fear that I wouldn't have time to keep up with not only writing, but posting it as well. Anyway, just know that both Fife and yourself have a very interested anon interested with your stories.
>>22580884
Looks like I have a third great writefriend to follow these threads for. Sweet.
Also, enjoying all the new green in here.
Thank you, new writers.
And to >>22582263
Well, give it a shot and we'll see what people think. If it's not good, you can improve.
>>22582263
Plus it's usually interesting to how others portray or write characters. I say go for it Anonymous, if you really feel like writing then go ahead and write, it's exactly what got me into writefagging in the first place.
>>22582655
I suppose I could give it a shot, I'll think it through tonight and figure something to start with and go from there. As of right now though, I will just continue to sit back and enjoy the booze and stories.
>>22582704
I'm not so much worried as to let's say, come up with a story. More or less the way to word or express how I think it. If that makes sense, but as Fife stated it is worth a shot, and hell if it were to work out somewhat, then I would be one step closer to becoming legend such as those in this thread!
>>22580832
> Looking at yourself in the mirror, you carefully adjusted your tie to make sure it lined up perfectly.
> Appearances were important, after all.
> You had to make sure this event was memorable.
"Sapphire, the platinum cuff-links, please."
> "At once, my Prince."
"And the matching crown, as well."
> The blue-toned pony bowed, making an affirmative noise, before backing out of your room.
> Moving over to the window, you looked out over Canterlot proper.
> Your suite at the Castle was a thing of beauty.
> An amazing view of the city.
> While your wife lived in her castle in Ponyville, you stayed mostly in Canterlot.
> At the castle which still represented the heart of Equestrian government.
> Making regular trips out to the township, of course.
> It was a necessity. Ponyville was still a backwater. There was little in the way of political gain to be made there.
> You had carefully arranged political cover for your trip to Ponyville.
> Ordinarily, if there was a threat, you would have someone else take care of it.
> There was too much political risk in addressing a problem yourself.
> But this 'Flash Sentry' had made things personal.
> He had opted to not only risk Twilight's entire life, but yours.
> That was something that called for action.
> And you fully intended to deal with him yourself.
> It had been too long since you had gotten to enjoy any real fun, anyhow.
> While the game was still fun from afar, you missed the personal touch.
> But you required a solid alibi. Or your wife would know something was up.
> So you pulled a few strings.
> The door opens behind you.
> "Your cuff-links and crown, sir."
"Thank you, Sapphire."
>>22583095
> The train ride was luxurious, but it was what you were accustomed to.
> You spent the duration of it looking over plans for an extension to the Manehattan train network.
> Unlike your fellow Royals, who tended to delegate most of their labour, you preferred the personal touch.
> It was what had made you so beloved amongst the populace.
> Upon your initial arrival, you had been reviled; the ponies were a naturally suspicious lot.
> But you had struggled endlessly to make the inroads necessary to win the hearts of the people.
> In no small part by winning the heart of a princess.
> And it was that focus on the individual issues that had won you that reputation.
> That, combined with your ability to get what needed to be done finished.
> Your door opened, a servant bringing in a cup of coffee.
> "Your beverage, sir."
"Thank you, Collar. An incredibly prompt delivery, I must say."
> Even the stuffy old stallion becomes bashful at your comment.
> "You flatter me, sir."
> Of course you flattered him.
> Flattery got you everywhere with the average citizen.
> Made you seem humble, real. Something tangible.
> Where their princesses were their deities, you were their messiah.
> When the door closed, you returned to looking over the expansion.
> It was a good distraction from the struggles that would be ahead of you.
> Your purpose in Ponyville was ostensibly covered. You were opening a new orphanage this evening.
> 'Anonymous' Home for The Hopeful.' Funded by one Filthy Rich.
> One Filthy Rich with a lot of secrets.
> But you only hoped you didn't encounter Twilight this evening.
> You knew she would be in Ponyville, and likely know about your event.
> But you couldn't predict what your reaction would be to seeing her.
> You knew you had to keep your cool...
> But you must confess, it stung. Harshly.
> Hopefully she would wait until after Flash was dealt with.
>>22583113
> Upon disembarking your train, you almost immediately spotted Mayor Mare.
> And you also spot a veritable flood of the press.
> They hounded you everywhere. You were a bit of a celebrity, after all.
> Your guards move out to hold back the tide of press while you move towards the Mayor.
> You had won her innumerable political battles in exchange for information in the early days.
> It's why there was still a Mayor in this town when a Princess ruled it directly.
> Something otherwise illogical.
> As if there would ever be a 'Mayor of Canterlot,' for instance.
> You address her.
"Mayor Mare! It's such a pleasure."
> "My Prince! It's been too long since I've seen you personally!"
> You lift the small mare up into an embrace, and you hear the snapping of cameras behind you.
> Putting her down, you brush a lock of hair out of her face.
"Why, I was here not two weeks ago and saw neither hide nor hair of your beauty."
> She gets a little flustered.
> "Well, you could've dropped by City Hall! You know my door's always open for you!"
> It's always hard to tell if she's playing the game quite like you are.
> Or perhaps she's genuinely an admirer, like the rest.
> You preferred to believe the former. Made it easier to deal with.
"But I suppose we mustn't waste time with pleasantries. The sun's already falling and I have a ribbon to cut!"
> She laughs and swats you with a hoof.
> The mayor says to follow her, and you do, your guards moving with you.
> You look to your watch.
> Flash would be at his post now.
> Your mind wanders briefly as to whether this is the right course of action.
> When you look up, you notice you've fallen behind a bit from the Mayor, and pick up the pace.
> Always have to look busy.
> Because even if you spend every waking moment working for Equestria...
> If it doesn't look like it, then they won't think you are.
> And that's guaranteed to lose you the favour of the people.
>>22583128
"And thus, it is my pleasure to officially declare Anonymous' Home for the Hopeful open for business!"
> You bring down the giant scissors on the big red ribbon, slicing it in two.
> As you open the doors, a bunch of foals run into the building.
"And of course, to prove that this is a home fit for a prince, I'll be staying the night!"
> The thundering roar of hooves on the ground echo through the township.
> A rousing applause, merely for cutting a ribbon and giving them your presence.
> The foals were for show, of course. The orphanage wouldn't open until tomorrow.
> You had need of the building for tonight. Those foals would be put up at the local hotel for the evening.
> Looking at the crowd, your entourage begin to disperse them as you move into the building with the Mayor.
> "I can't tell you how much I appreciate this, Anonymous. Every time you stop by it seems a big boon for my career."
"Happy to help, Mayor. I'm sure you realize this helps me as much as it helps you."
> She chuckles, hiding her face behind her hoof.
> "Oh as if you need political help. Everyone loves you."
> You chuckle lightly.
"I do seem to have that effect on people. But I'm sure you need to get home, Mayor. I won't keep you."
> She bashfully kicks her hoof.
> "Oh, I always have time for you, My Prince. But I suppose we can carry on tomorrow."
> You move to escort her to the exit.
"I'll see you in the morning, then?"
> "You can bet on it!"
> You watch her until she's firmly out of sight, before closing the door.
> You turn to your Guard Captain, an imposing Gryphon.
"Talon, I want you to watch this door and the windows."
"No one comes in, no one looks in. If Twilight comes by, one of you stall and the other notify me."
"In no other circumstance am I to be disturbed."
> He snaps a sharp salute.
> "Yes, Sir!"
> Good.
> You remove your crown and wrist-cuffs, placing them on the table.
> You likewise remove your blazer, and place it over one of the dining chairs.
>>22583145
> You roll up your sleeves.
> Moving around the rear-portion of the orphanage, you head near the stairwell to the second floor.
> Behind the stairs is a door, leading down to the basement.
> Which you take.
> And once downstairs, you go through the trapdoor beside the icebox.
> In the sterile room there is a single occupant.
> Your prize for the night. Bound and gagged.
> Strapped to a table.
> Yes, you think you'll have fun tonight.
> You did miss the personal touch.
"Hello, Private First-Class."
>>22583205
The people requested moar, so I have supplied. But now I must rest.
Also
>Implying Flash and Anon aren't just having a tea party.
>>22583173
>People had said they wanted moar, so I have supplied moar. I don't intend to get into the grimdark explorations of what Flash and Anon get up to, but I figured this would give some more insight into this Anon.
Too bad.
>>22583260
You made King Anonymous as I always wanted to read him in a green.Well, in my mind he is Viggo Mortensen.
This is pretty good, I can see the way this is heading and I love it.
I hope Flash likes his tea.
>>22582853
Go for it man, I was in the same boat as you and I'm having a blast doing it now. I enjoy doing it and it makes me happy that others actually enjoy it.
>>22583260
I approve of this story direction. Please continue.But no more stories about my waifu cheating guys. I couldn't take another.
>>22584080
Since Fife and you stated that I should give it shot earlier, I've came up with something and have been writing. As I stated earlier I have never written a story ever, so pointers or criticism is appreciated either way. I could post if you and others are interested?
>>22584275
doitfaggot
>>22584275
Post m8.
>>22584519
>>22584545
Alright well here goes..
>"A'hm havin a hard time taking in what you just said sugarcube." Aj is visibly distraught, and even looks as if though she will hurl at any second.
>"Darling, you truly don't think there may have been a misunderstanding do you. That could have been anypony you walked in on.."
>"Rarity, I wish it was but..." You cut short on your sentence. You're having a hard enough time as it is trying to explain what you witnessed. Even more so just dealing with the flow of emotions being bottled up inside you as you try to remain calm and explain what happened. It doesn't help in the slightest either that you are bruised and bloody after getting into one hell of a fight after the event.
~Flashback to four hours ago~
>You are Anon, and today will be one helluva day.
>You made sure to pay more attention to your person today and dress more appropriately than what you usually do.
>"Why in the hell would you do such a thing in the first place you ask? Well for starters, it is your anniversary you long-legged assha-"
>Your internal monologue is interrupted when you hear a loud knock downstairs.
>At least you are more hostile to yourself than to the ponies here in Equestria you think. Quite the experience being around them the past few years, you really did have a soft spot in your heart for them. Especially after your arrival and them seeing that you would be no threat. Even though you are pretty fit even in pony eyes. They still saw through you and that you would mean no harm to them.
>Hell you'd even go as far to say that practically every pony loves your presence here. As you think all of this you're already making your way to the front door, lost in thought. All until you hear a familiar voice.
>The voice is muffled until you get just a little closer and pick up on some of the words.
>"Saw...earlier...he's here."
>You stop at the corner and linger for a second trying to listen and pick up as to whom it might be.
>"Miss, I'm going to state this again, The Prince is currently not accepting visitors at this time" You can clearly make out Cliffslider's voice. This doesn't surprise you, mostly due to the fact that guarding the front door is his job here in the castle.
>"Awww come on, please, just for a second? He promised me he was going to let me ask him more questions!" This mare, her voice is very familiar, where have you heard..."Oh no.." you state with a little bit of waiver in your voice.
>That voice belongs to none other than Lyra Heartstrings. Ever since you arrived into Equestria; of all the other ponies, she has always had a rather..extraordinary fascination with you. Surprisingly she knew quite a bit about humans and from what you understand you are the first human ever, here in Equestria. So how she knows all this information about humans in the first place makes you even more uncomfortable to the fact.
>Albeit she does mean well, but still...what the fuck.
>"Please, please, please!"
>"I'm closing the door now, buh bye."
>"You can't close a door in a mares' face, thats very..." She was cut off before she could even finish her sentence as the door slammed shut in her face.
>"Damn maybe she's right, I could never do such a thing" Cliffsider states as he turns around, "In any other case though, You are an exception Miss Heartstrings."
>You take that as your cue and head on around the corner from where you were snooping.
>"How many times does that make this week Cliff? Eleven, twelve?"
>"Twenty-six sir."
>"Holy shit! She is persistent!" you state, raising a small laugh from Cliff.
>"Well today is the big day Cliff." This raised an eyebrow from the light gray pony before you.
>"My memory fails me at this time sir, and what might today be?"
>"The same day I stated that you quit calling me sir, I'm mid twenties Cliff, damn." you state flatly. Again bringing a small chuckle from Cliff.
>"Force of habit, and ah but of course, the day of yours and Princess Twilights' marriage." He states as he seemed to bring up old memories within himself and forms a warming smile.
>"Mhmm, I have a nice spot picked out on the hill east side here of Ponyville. Got lanterns and a little table set up for a little dinner. Nothing to fancy, but enough to show her that two years of her experiments and testing haven't changed how much I love her."
>"That's a good thing to hear sir." A smile wide on his face. "If you need me to arrange or do anything to help this dinner go smoothly I will gladly help." He states.
>"You know, come to think about it...."
And that is all I have written so far, not much up to this point but some basic information and some background on a few ponies I plan to use. That is if I actually do plan on continuing that is..
>>22584687
Well, the plot seems good so far.
You need to work on the fomat of the green. people might get confused with who is speaking at the moment.
For example:
>"This is Sparklebutt talking"
"This is anon talking"
>>22584860
Alright I will keep that in mind, thanks. Honestly, I'm not even going to lie, I was enjoying writing what little bit I did. I definitely have more planned to write, my problem is wording it to the way I think it out, and finding the vocabulary to fit whomever it may be talking at the time. All in all I appreciate your input and feedback on this man! Thanks!
Sorry guys, no update tonight. Probably tomorrow. Should have at least two or three posts worth of green.In the mean-time, read up on waterboarding. You'll be seeing some here soon.
G'night. Stay safe all.
>>22585374
Good night, Fife, sleep well.
I hope you get to remove kebab in your dreams.
>>22579895
Thanks man, I really appreciate your feedback.
As I said before, English is not my native language so I'm looking forward to see where I'm making mistakes:^)
Unfortunately I don't have any person to edit my green, so I think I'm going to give spellchecker a chance.
>>22580351
Thanks m8
I will try to leave some green tonight
Bump b4 bed.
Good night thread. Don't die.
>>22585788
It won't.
Don't worry
>>22583145
His guards are griffons? fucking sweet
>>22579272
>'poor immigrant' prince Anonymous.
That's glorious kek.
>You didn't take any money from home, because all of it are currently in Twilight's house.
Seems legit.
>'Closest' meh, Apparently the shop is placed on the edge of the town.
Classic cliche!
>"Hello there, my big friend. What can I help you?"
Should be "How can I..."
Not What.
>>22579289
I like desciption of the shop.
>"I have looked through your instrument... This is not our world's device..."
No shit, Sherloc!Kek!
>>22579308
>"So I decided to throw some my solutions into it"
Better would be "... some of mine solutions..."
>But only the stupid one would decline.
The way of describing Anons thought is flawless.
You are a very decent human Mr. Runaway.
>Hey! It's not fair! You didn't make that much mistakes!
Ha!
>As you cross the door frame, you feel the compassion for him.
>He is so lonely...
Then acknowlege him closer nigga!
>>22579323
>You don't know the rules of playing music on the street, but damn, what's bad in it?
I song once in old town. Better payment per hour than in my regular job.
>"Hey, musical monkey, we're closing the park, It's already eleven o'clock!"
>musical monkey
He is the prince monkey for you!
>>22579895
You are right, but I'm this cheering feedbacker, because I'm not really deep into the english.
>>22582655
>If it's not good, you can improve.
Sacred words.
>>22585668
MORE!
Done with work, gonna try to put up something before bed.
>>22580884
well, at least i don't have to feel bad for anon for a change. what a piece of shit.
I don't like this green, but clearly you have your fans here, so rock on wit yo bad self.
>>22580793
> Pictures, of your wife...
I need pictures of ponies!
>Featherweight is a badass.
I already like your setting.
>>22580805
> "Fine. It was Private First-Class Flash Sentry, sir."
Oh boy.
I like this vase thing.
Pretty awesome descripted!
He seems me... Vetinari.
>>22580822
> And you begin to machinate.
Yesss...
>>22580832
He is! He is Vetinari!
>>22583095
> While your wife lived in her castle in Ponyville, you stayed mostly in Canterlot.
That's why she did that jackass!
Personal case cliche!
>>22583113
>personal touch?
He is a really good leader, then.
> One Filthy Rich with a lot of secrets.
Your seeting is deeper that I expected.
Way of Anons thinking is stunning.
>>22583128
> You had won her innumerable political battles in exchange for information in the early days.
> It's why there was still a Mayor in this town when a Princess ruled it directly.
WOW!
That was awesome! You are awesome!
>ribbon to cut!
You sir, write good not only his thoughts but also his words.
> Always have to look busy.
> Because even if you spend every waking moment working for Equestria...
> If it doesn't look like it, then they won't think you are.
You are wise guy!
>>22583145
>"And of course, to prove that this is a home fit for a prince, I'll be staying the night!"
Pretty awesome prince.
> You move to escort her to the exit.
Personal care, like in the Godfather.
>>22583205
Here it comes!
>>22583260
Please, do more.
Gib me your pastebin. I want to devour your pasta.
>>22586661
Well, to some degree my Anon is a bit of a villain, he's not designed to be the beloved perfect protagonist (Unless, like me, you love the Frank Underwood type). I've always found villains more interesting anyhow, both to read about and to write.
Although that's not to say he's all bad, as you'll see if you keep reading.
I also felt this sort of Anon gave me the opportunity to build a world where Twilight was a bit more justified, and it wasn't sort of a blindside.
And thank you for all the nice words other friends. I'll pick it up after work today.
>>22586779
Oh, and http://pastebin.com/u/LokiLorien is my pastebin. I only have one other story at the moment, over in the war thread. I only started writing earlier this week.
>>22587524
>http://pastebin.com/u/LokiLorien
2nd April and 1300 lines already?
Oh boy.
>>22586661
He isn't a great person, but he IS a great Prince and even a better politician.
>>22588266
Agreed. He is a villain. But one that seems to be leashed and beholden to the state itself. A monster with a set of ideals.
>>22586460
>>22586779
Fapman you stupid faggot
>>22588546
I would not go as far as to say villian, neutral or anti-hero fit him better, since he does great things for those ponies but the means to those ends are somewhat wrong when we talk about morals, of course, no one has to know that. He is like a Templar.
>>22588560
You silly paranoid boy!
It was regular Anonymous!
See?
>>22586460
Atleast put your trip back on.
>>22589186
Nah.
Some random faggots (and maybe some decent too) are bitching about this.
I will stay as... no one.
>>22589220
At least 'lrn 2 grmmr' before you start wrecking my brain with your nightmarish pile of smouldering and raped syntax.
>>22589220
I can't filter you if you don't.
>>22589440
>>22589461
And that why you requested...
Seems legit.
I'm trying bro.
I even pretend to write.But the more I do, the more I see how much work still is before me.
Also. Sorry for everything.
>>22589571
Your grammar has really improved Faps.
Don't worry about it.
more bumps
>tfw I imagine what it would feel like to fall so deeply in love with Twilight, marry her, kiss every every day, trust her unconditionally...
>and then one day you see her cute flank jiggle as another stallion ruts her
>tfw i can imagine plunging equestria in eternal night after that.
>tfw the only thing that would stop me would be luna asking me out cause we're both damaged.
>>22592418
Oddly, I think I'd be ok with that.
Got a one shot.
>Be anon
>Come home after a long day of apple bucking at Sweet Apple Acres
>Hear noises coming from inside your and Twilight's room
>As you approach you hear her yell "FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUCK yes" as she bites her pillow.
>You only hear the FFFFUUU part before you burst into the room, hoping she didn't hurt herself with a failed experiment.
>Find Flash Sentry rutting her flank, its jiggling making you extremely jealous.
"WHAT THE FUCK???"
>"A-Anon, it isn't what it looks like, I-I'm"
"Then WHAT THE FUCK does it look like???"
>"I-I was um...ch-choking and needed...the himlich?" She says, her voice getting higher and higher.
You can see tears beginning to stream down her face.
>"Anon I-I'm...so"
"Well, I'm just glad to hear you're alright."
>"I-wait what?"
"From choking, I'm glad you're ok. Thanks, Shining."
>"Uh...yeah dude, happy to be of service."
>He then proceeds to dismount, quickly sheathing himself before he trots out the door.
>You turn to your wide eyed wife, as she stares at you with a blank expression.
"I love you baby, thank Celestia you're safe."
>"I-I love you too baby!" she squees as she puts her hooves around your neck.
>"We should um...c-celebrate."
"Sounds good to me."
>You then proceed to rut the shit out of Twilight, though you notice she's far more wet than usual.
"You must've missed me." you say slyly."
>"You know baby," she giggles.
>After a good 10 minutes of rutting you both lie on your backs, panting.
>She turns to your, holds you close and sighs contently.
>"I love my life..."
>You kiss her on the lips once more, and you see a soft blush form on her cheeks.
>"And I love you, Anon."
>And the two of you fall asleep in each others arms.
>You don't know what you would've done if you lost her. You hug her tighter, happy she's safe.
What do you guys think? Hope it was okay.
>>22592763
This overkek, holy shit.
I can't stop laughingPretty gud.
>>22592763
Die.
>>22593454
>mfw see this precious opinion
>>22581633
[Rewind several minutes]
> You are Big Mac
> And you are now trying to dance with Pinkie between the line of sight of Twilight and the second tier where your brother Anon and Luna are.
> You aren't much of a dancer at all, but Pinkie is having a ball now that somepony is entertaining her.
> "Shake it Big Mac!" Pinkie energetically yells as she shakes her flank.
> You smile uncomfortably as you take a quick glance to the second tier spotting Anon talking with Luna.
> Your eyes widen a little as you control your panic doing your best to block this line of sight, while keeping the bouncing Pinkie under control.
> Luckily for you Twilight doesn't seem to interested in looking around as she faces the bar looking down into her almost empty drink again.
> Pinkie is tiring you out, you have no idea how she never runs out of steam.
> I...is she doing the robot?
> You watch her as she rears up on her hind legs keeping a straight face, moving her fore legs robotically.
> Pinkie says in a robotic voice, " Do. The. Robot. With. Me. Big. Mac."
"Nnope... " you say dryly watching her do her thing.
> She pushes you a little, " You're no fun!" She says in her Pinkie scream.
" Nnope." You turn back to the bar since Twilight doesn't seem interested in moving much as she nurses a drink.
> Standing next to her, you order another round of drinks and slide her one.
> She smiles weakly at you, " Thank you Big Mac."
" Eeyup" you say forcing a smile.
> It's strange standing next to her now.
> She honestly looks miserable and you want to feel bad for her but you find it difficult...
> She devastated your best friend through one of the worst betrayals you can imagine.
> A humiliating discovery of infidelity in the act.
> You can't begin to imagine...
> You catch yourself staring at her as you psychologically struggle between sympathy and disgust.
92/?
>>22593602
So pic related is how Big Mac feels about being around the little purple slut.
>>22593602
Oh how I want Twilight to see Luna and Anon together dancing.
Oh how I want her to jump to conglusions and in blurred by jealous rage confront them, telling her to get off her husband.
And Anon yells at her to stop because they aren't going to do anything until the divorce is over.
Oh how I want it to seek in that he's falling for another mare.
Considering how horny mares are in the wild, and how they pretty much fuck as many stallions as possible, even farmers apparently, I can't imagine being married to Twilight or any other mare and not be paranoid that something's going on. Especially when they're in estrus and you're away...yikes. They're basically the whores of the animal kingdom.
>>22593602
Based Mac.
Pg9 bump.
Sorry for the delay. I wrote something out, then re wrote something out. Now I'm re re writing it. I want it to be gud.
>>22595442
No, that's dolphins.
>>22597126
No, dolphines are the rapists. A horse is a whorse of course of course. Only females can be whores anyway and I'm fairly certain dolphine-human rape is exclusively due to male dolphines. Patriarchal scum.
>>22597200
It's a little of both actually. They're both rapists and whores. And actually so are mares. Mares have been known to "rape" human males actually, when a dumb ass human gets behind a mare when she's in estrus in a narrow space. Mare have been known to back up their rump and basically reverse hump, which can actually be quite dangerous. Point is, mares and dolphines are fuckin whores both.
Pic related, it's an accurate depiction of a horse in heat.
Forgive me a little bit of edginess.
>>22583205
> A voice draws you from your slumber.
> Cracking open your eyes takes considerable effort.
> And the intense light from the top of the stairs blinds you.
> You move a hand to cover your eyes, and avert your gaze.
> "My Prince, it's six-thirty."
> You groan loudly.
> You should have stopped earlier last night.
> But he kept on going.
> So you had to.
> Your bones feel rusty as you move up into a sitting position.
> Snaps and crackles all the way.
> Your eyes finally adjusting, you can see your Guard Captain at the top of the stairs in the light.
"Thank you, Talon."
> He makes an affirmative noise, turning to leave.
> The small door closes, returning you to the relative darkness of the cellar.
> Small, magic-powered lamps are around the room, but they provide little light.
> Grime cakes your once immaculate white dress shirt and vest.
> Pulling yourself up from the floor, you nearly slip.
> Seems you passed out in a wet spot, a terrible shame.
> Your whole body moves slowly, aching from sleeping on a stone floor.
> Looking down at yourself, long red splotches stain your clothes.
> Beyond any hope of cleaning, you supposed.
> Slowly, your hand moves to the buttons of your vest, and you discard it.
> Then your dress shirt.
> But the pants stay.
>>22597407
> You stand tall, stretching to shake off the stiffness in your joints.
> Your immaculate form glistening in the wetness.
> Seems the stains weren't limited to your clothes.
> Your gaze draws over to a table on the far side of the room, holding what you needed.
> It was the only immaculate portion of the room, you had required that it remain so.
> You move over, slowly, to the table, and hear something snap under your foot.
> A long, white, yet thin stick.
> Reminded you of a chicken wing from back home, if it was oversized.
> Ignoring it, you continue to the desk, and pull yourself up on it.
> You sit beside the object of your affection, your back against the wall.
> A solid oak box, with Twilight's cutie mark emblem emblazoned on the lock.
> Reaching down into your pants pocket, you withdrew a small key.
> And slid it slowly into the box.
> And as you pulled it back, it revealed perhaps your greatest treasure.
> One of the only things you got to keep when you arrived.
> Six cigars, Cubans.
> Originally of twelve.
> It was a terrible shame this world didn't have Tobacco.
> Or at least some pony equivalent of Cuba, to reminisce at.
> In the second compartment, your lighter.
> Specially engraved, although you had no idea what the engraving meant.
> You had forgotten a lot of your previous life, but you remembered what these were.
> Flicking the lighter on, you put the cigar in your mouth.
> You light the tip, and inhale deeply.
>>22597425
> The hot feeling of smoke in your lungs makes you feel alive.
> After holding it in for a second, you exhale slowly.
> Letting the fire roll out of you.
> And as it finishes...
> You begin to speak.
"You know, Flash, I detest murder."
> The room remains completely silent, save your breath.
> You take another long drag from the cigar.
"It's terribly ineffective. Leaves too many holes to cover up."
> You look at the state of the room before you.
"Too much mess to clean."
> Another drag.
"But it's not all about the practicality. There's a personal reason."
> The cigar is draining quickly, and you feel strength returning to your limbs.
> Your impressive physique flexes, shaking away the stiffness.
> The room is rapidly filling with smoke.
"I don't like to end a life. I know it's not who I was before I came here."
> Standing back up with the cigar, you approach the table where Flash was initially bound.
> It's vacant now.
> It's occupant had gone on quite an adventure.
> Your fingers run along the shoddy wood.
> It wasn't well built, but it didn't need to be.
> It just needed to hold him still 'till you got here.
"It's why I'm smoking now. Because I feel like..."
> You pause, looking for an apropros thing to say.
"If I'm going to take away something from you that is so precious, I should lose something too."
>>22597441
> You clenched the Cigar end between your teeth, holding it there to free up your hands.
> You picked up your vest from the floor, and laid it out nicely on the table.
"Something from myself before I became this."
> The cigar is nearly done.
> You once again withdraw it to your hand, as you meander over to the lump in the corner.
> It's not moving.
> And it's certainly not the same colour it started out as.
"I'm not sure what I'll do when I run out."
> You kneel down, observing the lump.
> There was little in the way of defining characteristics left.
"But I do hope you understand, I didn't choose to do this lightly."
> You rub out the nub of the cigar on the ruined corpse.
> No reaction.
> Not even a twitch.
> Your work was truly done.
> Moving back up, you gather up your vest and shirt.
> You would leave the box for another to collect.
> You couldn't risk sullying it further.
> You then turn around, and look toward the door.
> You pause for a moment.
"I'm sorry it had to be this way. You could have avoided this."
> You begin to move.
"But you chose a fight you couldn't possibly win."
> You're at the exit quickly.
> You look back one last time.
> And give a little salute.
"Rest in peace, Private."
>>22597454
> Climbing the stairs back up to the main room, you see Talon waiting for you.
> Along with two of his subordinate Gryphons.
> You hold out your clothes for one of the subordinates to take, which they do.
"Burn them, there's a fireplace in the dining hall of the building."
> He looks briefly to Talon, who gestures for him to go.
> The Gryphon takes off quickly.
"I'll be taking a shower. I expect that room to be collapsed before I finish."
> Talon snaps a sharp salute.
> "It will be done, My Prince. A new suit is in the bathroom."
> He gestures to a specific door in the hallway.
> A smile spreads across your face.
"Thank you, I can't imagine what I'd do without you."
> You move into the bathroom, and turn on the shower.
> Taking off your pants and undergarments, you jump in immediately.
> The water is like ice, but it feels like sweet relief.
> The water flowing off you is tinged crimson.
> Taking some of the soap, you begin to lather yourself.
> This was reckless, you knew.
> Coming here in person, you mean.
> But sometimes principle overwhelmed logic.
> And under the cold water, you knew you would be fine.
> Your sins were washing right down the drain.
> But as you look at the drain, you notice not all of it goes down so well.
> A bright orange feather, tinged red.
> Must've stuck to you with the caked on grime.
> Picking it up, the red drains from it under the water.
> As you turn off the water, you carry the feather with you out of the shower.
> Your put on your shirt and new pair of of pants.
> Your new vest.
> And your blazer, from last night, with the cuff-links.
> You slide the feather into one of the inside pockets of the blazer.
> And lastly, you put on your crown.
> You had returned from the darkness.
> And there was only one problem left on your mind.
> Your wife.
>>22597472
And that's it for this installment. As ever, I love feedback.
I feel like I might've went a little too dark here, but it felt appropriate given the character and the circumstance.
>>22597522
Loving it so far, moar..
>>22597522
As is, loving the pacing, Prince MachiavellAnon has show some interesting character quirks. And seems to show, that even when if he is an opportunistic bastard he had at least some care for his unfaithful wife and was genuinely hurt by her betrayal.
>>22598022
If I were in his shoes, I'd make her pay for what she did behind closed doors, while preserving the marriage for the public at large's benefit.
But that's just me.
>tfw I reading adulterous Twilight stories and always want that Twalot will pay and at the same time I hope that through betrayal she truly loves Anon.
>>22598209
He seems to be doing that more or less. Its just he is cleaning house before confrontation.
>>22598295
We all know that feel.
Except those who were actually cheated on.
Maybe it makes 'em more wise to know the feel.
Or less, as feelings of jealousy and betrayal cloud their mind.
I don't fuckin' know and that's what scares me....
Part of me thinks that if Twilight cheated on me I'd immediately hook up with moonbutt or another broken-ass faithful as fuck mare and part of me thinks I'd be too in fuckin love with Twilight I'd either try to work it out or fucking kill all life upon the planet's surface. I'm not sure which is true for me.
>>22599354
I can say as an anon who got cheated on, that it fuckin' sucks, and yeah, at least in my case, I did hope she did still love me on some level, even after it all went down. I still walked the fuck away though. Even though it really hurt.
Sorry everyone. My brother disconnected my computer while I was gone to do some of his own stuff, and managed to delete my unsaved documents.
So I've lost my current update for the story.
>>22592763
when you brought up the heimlich i fully expected she was gonna try to convince anon that's how it works for pones.
followup scene is anon fucking a pone at a fancy restaurant cause she was choking.
>>22597248
fucking animu
>>22599727
a) he knows not what he does
b) how did he manage that? are you using something with zero autosave feature?
>>22599959
He just turned it off and disconnected it.
And yes, no autosave feature.
>>22600355
Grab Notepad ++.
>>22589571
Well, it doesn't hurt to read what you say anymore.
Just drop the "..." A's if you're trying to think of the right word and it'll flow better.
Also, we say 'Kek' like so, with no punctuation.
>>22599727
And then you murdered him, right?
>>22597472
You write well but this has too much edge for me
>>22601015
I on the other hand appreciate it. I feel as though my story is edgier honestly.
>>22601104
Well I like both stories but his is edgier. It has gruesome torture and cold, calculated murder. It may only be referred to after it happened but it still happened. Yours is miserable and depressing but nothing like this.
>>22601015
> Implying showing the scene wouldn't have been edgier.
It's going to be the edgiest part of the story, by far. I purposefully avoided the actual scene because I knew it would be meaningless edge, and tried to avoid the sort of rage-edge that would've made it worse, instead opting for a sort of resigned will.
It's a tricky rope, developing a character with this sort of personality without being needlessly dark. Apologies it has strayed too far for you.
>>22597522
This was dark, not edgy, and I love this even more because of it. Even the best men have to put their hands in the gutter to save others, he is doing this for Twilight, and that feather, will be a good gift.
>Long live the king.
>>22601104
Also this.
But your green isn't edgy either, I mean it's not like:
>Anon pulled out his shotgun and started firing.
>Spaghetti and blood filled the room as the masacre ended.
Your Anon fights because he has to. It's for defence not meaningless violence.
>>22601193
Just keep going brother.
>>22601272
>>22601187
Aight aight, I'm gonna try retyping this shit up.
Gonna get Notepad++ real quick though...
>>22601193
Not him, its not my cup of tea, but I can say its well written, or at least up to where I read it. Keep up the good work.
>>22601272
This Anon is the prince his people need him to be.
>>22599354
>Except those who were actually cheated on.
long ago i was cheated on by my GF of 3 years (who i was certain was the one) and i still get that feel. that said, in practical terms i think i'd rather found out she never gave a shit, cause i wouldn't have to feel like i lost anything and wouldn't have to struggle over whether to cut it off or try to salvage. but i suspect the common feel is hoping she seems incredibly distraught, suggesting it really was a stupid one time thing, you can get back together and she'll spend the rest of her life making it up to you. not realistic or practical, but i think that's the common dream.
>>22597472
> You're sitting before the fireplace of the orphanage.
> Watching the flame waver back and forth.
> Your foot tapping on the floor.
> Now the real battle began.
> You were entirely unsure how precisely you were going to handle the situation with Twilight.
> And that disturbed you.
> You never left things to chance.
> The dim sizzle of what was once an incredibly expensive suit smouldered in the fireplace.
> The ashes would need to be removed as well.
> But you had no viable solution to the problem presented to you.
> Divorce would crush everything you have worked so hard to achieve.
> And if you challenged her on her affair, it would reveal your complicity in Flash's disappearance.
> While you had plenty of material to control Twilight's silence with...
> Experience has taught you that princesses are volatile, and difficult to manage with your trade.
> You look away from the flames, your eyes closing.
> None of the scheming mattered.
> You knew you couldn't bring yourself to control her.
> While the rational side of your mind said to play her...
> You knew you couldn't.
> You rose up, and moved over to the window.
> You couldn't sit still.
> There was so much at stake.
> Your father had always said 'Great men know their strengths.'
> 'The Greatest men know their weaknesses.'
> You couldn't even remember the man.
> But you remembered the phrase.
> She was your Achilles' Heel, your one weakness.
> What an irony.
> What is a man to do when his weakness turns on him itself?
> Twilight was invulnerable, to most of the populace.
> You had made sure of that.
> Because...
> Because you loved her.
>>22602265
> Which was tainted now, forever.
> Every time you saw her face you would remember those pictures.
> How in the hell could you ever be intimate again.
> She would know something was up, immediately.
> You prided yourself on your ability to put up a face to match any occasion.
> And yet she could always tell when you were out of sorts.
> And always find a way to cheer you up.
> Your hand runs up through your hair, and you find it still damp.
> Hell, you doubt you can keep your mask on just speaking with her.
> A circumstance which was rapidly approaching.
> A subtle rage brewed in you.
> The rage of uncertainty.
> You withdraw your key from your pocket, and run your thumb along it's grooves.
> For now, you would have to keep it under wraps.
> At least until Flash was long forgotten.
> For all you know, she might tell you about it.
> Beg for forgiveness, the whole nine.
> That would complicate things even further, it occurred to you.
> But had she intended to do that, she would've been at the train station.
> So you supposed guilt was likely what she was feeling.
> The grooves of the key are wearing a cut into your thumb.
> And as a product of that, an unwillingness to approach you.
> It was the most logical explanation of how you managed to evade seeing her all night.
> You were prepared with a whole song and dance to avoid her if she showed.
> When you had a plan, you could do anything.
> You just boiled down your action to the steps.
> It was how you dealt with stress, ignore the surrounding context.
> Focus on what you need to do.
> But what needed to be done stung.
>>22602298
> You knew the easiest solution to your problem.
> Blueblood had mentioned it repeatedly over the course of your time in Canterlot.
> How it is that he remains a permanent Prince without a Princess or a pair of wings.
> His dearly departed.
> How easy it would be.
> Your mind immediately conjures the full plan.
> A poisoned chalice, with Baktic Acid.
> Uniquely found in the Falstad Republic, a Minotaur country.
> Invite the ambassador back, as an act of good will.
> Your thumb stopped running along the key.
> Political tensions already festered between the nations.
> Twilight had already spoken down to an ambassador.
> An assassination would be expected.
> Your foot stops tapping.
> There's a knock at the door, and your guards answer it.
> You could mourn Twi to win their hearts...
> And when the war inevitably started up
> Lead battles to win their minds.
> You can see yourself, standing in the field, donning Equestrian armor.
> Commanding the ponies in battle.
> And in doing so uniting Equestria...
> And destroying one of its enemies.
> And becoming more beloved than ever before for leading despite your hardship.
> The familiar voice of Mayor Mare at the door.
> It would be so easy to accomplish.
> You knew you could best the Republic.
> And it would help Equestria.
> Your heartbeat slows.
> The sound of hoofsteps entering the orphanage.
> The plan gives you comfort, a feeling of familiarity.
> An ability to detach yourself from reality.
> But you know it to be a false confidence.
> The plan failed to account for you.
> And your weakness.
> When the sound of steps reaches the entrance to your room, you turn.
> A friendly smile on your face.
> Not a sign of stress upon you.
"Mayor! I hope you slept well!"
> And the game begins anew.
>>22602331
>Anon is not the monster he could be.
This is something that makes me happy on the inside.
>>22602492
you are not alone there
>>22602331do you have anything more for RDA anon?
>>22602829
I do, but I'm putting off on posting it for a lil' bit.
Ten's story and it's subsidiaries has consumed that thread, so I figure I'll update during the slow periods (read: Mornings) so it doesn't get washed up in a tide of green, or distracting from theirs.
> That bad feel posting a story when others are in the middle of dumping theirs.
>>22602492
Not me.
>>22602331
This is what I love about a monster of this sorts. He is being a fusion between Batman and Sherlock Holmes right now and this plan can really work, but he won't do it, because he still loves her wife.
Bump
Is Fife kill?
Wrote something up. Just gotta clean it up.
Also bump.
>>22604178
Niet, read the thread.
>>22604178
Nah, I just don't really need to post much. Not providing stories in here right now, so no need to comment save for the image here and there.Even if I still have yet to receive a microwave.
>>22604178
Alright, just for you though, I'll give you a taste of green.
I just still don't want to really commit to anything until tomorrow evening/Monday, where I can get another good dump of stuff going.
>>22557144
>You are Anonymous, and you're doing your best to keep your fury in check.
>The tale Rainbow had just spun for you, had you feeling rather...conflicted.
>You would never think of her as a liar, but the situation she'd presented seemed perfectly believable.
>Her reaction to it as well was something that also managed to put you into the state of mind that drove her point home.
>Like when she said Thunderlane's name the first time.
>She about choked.
>Carrying on, little visual cues were further making her story seem like a perfect recollection of the day's events.
>By the time she reached the end, you'd already gone and made up your mind on a number of subjects.
>Though sadly, one major conflict still had yet to be resolved.
>That being your inability to decide on if you were going to have Thunderlane arrested, or do it yourself.
>Thinking on it as she begins to lose her composure, you ask her an important question.
"Tell me, what does Thunderlane look like again?"
>Your mind is at least partway made up.
>He'll get arrested and put in a place that you yourself decide on.
>Gilda...she'll get hers later.
>>22605238
>For now you'd content yourself with taking him yourself.
>"H-he's got a black coat a-and a whitish-blue mane..."
>She's now starting to cry.
>"I-I don't g-get why he'd t-try to do that..."
>Standing up, you move to her and pull her into your arms.
>She sobs into your chest and you can't help but feel your rage cool into something familiar.
"Shhhhh," you shush her, rubbing her back and running your fingers through her mane.
>Lifting her up, you carry her back into your room and lay her down on the bed.
>She calms down rather quickly due to your ministrations, her breathing returning to a normal rate.
"Go to sleep Dashie. I can see that you're still tired."
>She doesn't protest vocally, but you can see she's uncomfortable.
>You also knew that she was tired, even just from the signs she exhibited. Though, it was also something she'd implied as she'd stayed up so late waiting for you.
>These ponies didn't function like you did when it came to needing to eat or sleep.
>Thinking up a solution though, you came to one that still sat a little uncomfortably with you, but you'd get over it.
"Hold on, maybe this'll help." you tell her, as you pull a shirt out of your dresser.
>"What's that for?" she asks, sniffling a little.
>>22605288
>You don't respond as you turn around, setting it over her head and pulling it down.
>Helping her forelegs through the sleeves, she hugs the cloth close to her body.
>Not a word is said by either of you in this situation, but she takes a deep whiff of your scent still embedded in the fabric and visibly calms down further.
>Bringing your hands up to her face, you kiss her on the tip of her muzzle and lay her back down.
>She closes her eyes and buries her face in your pillow, breathing deeply.
>Within moments she's asleep.
>She was almost like you in that regard...
>Save for the beautiful multi-hued hair.
>The light but defined features of her almost-human face.
>Her lovely scent that reminded you of a fresh spring morning.
>Yanking your eyes away, you let the fire inside take control again.
>These ponies really were so close, and yet so far from humans.
>Some were closer than others though.
>>22605307
>There were days where you'd even dreamt that those like Dash or...Twilight were people like yourself.
>'No. You have justice to deal out. Think of your fantasies later. We must find our allies for now.'
"Yes..." you breath to yourself.
>Time to get a few guards together. They'd know what the target of your mind looked like.
>They could also help set up a lovely room for you to play with him.
>It needed be more than a cell.
>He'd be held accountable for his crimes.
>And you wouldn't do any permanent damage.
>Not on the surface at least.
>>22605323
That's it for tonight, quick update.
I'll continue tomorrow evening.
Do you guys want to see torture as it happens,or should I skip in a similar fashion as the other lovely writepal?
>>22605365
>option to just tell the guard and have him arrested
>nope gonna get some people and torture him
Getting kinda edgy now, so I'd say skip it.
>>22605395
this
>>22605323
>as a Prince, Anon is a recognized authority figure
>tortures Thunderlane, but leaves no marks thinking it'll keep him from being connected to the act
>Thunderlane is turned over to Guard
>squeals like a stuck pig about what Anon did
>Anon thinks he's in the clear since no physical evidence is left and its just he said/she said
>doesn't take into account mind/memory reading spells
>Thunderlane gets off Scott free on technicalities
>Anon goes to jail for abduction, unlawful imprisonment, assault, torture, official misconduct and perjury
>>22605658
>mfw no Twibright to bust us out this time
>>22605700
dubs confirm, Anon's fucked
>>22605658
>a Prince
GG.
>>22605658
>Mentions memory reading spells
>Says that Thunderlane who had just attempted to rape Rainbow Dash earlier gets off Scott free
>>22605658
Royalty...............
I want to see how this plays out in fifes story
>>22593602
> You are Twilight Sparkle
> You are well aware that you're not the most up spirited you've ever been.
> Or the most put together... but why is Big Mac looking at you like that?..
> Maybe he's had a bit to much to drink?
> Your insecurity kicks in as you feel like his eyes can see through your lies.
> Like he can see your secrets, the very ones you wish never happened.
> Beginning to internally assault your self you think, ' He knows... Why wouldn't he. He's Anon's best friend. They tell eachother everything'
> Playing with the ice in your drink your mood worsens as you look to him.
"Big Mac? " you voice soft.
> He blinks realizing he was staring too long.
"I...is everything ok?" You try to ask him some what shakily, hopefully diverting his thoughts.
> He takes a second to respond "Eeyup..."
> He was never incredibly talkative to you.
> You knew you had to read into him a little more to figure him out.
> His mannerisms were telling you he was definitely thinking about something, looking somewhat conflicted.
"A..are you sure?" You look up at him examining his reaction recalling a book you read on deceit indicators.
> Big Mac touched a hoof to his cheek, scratching a fictitious itch before nodding and avoiding eye contact.
> 'Those were two big indicators' you thought to yourself.
> You look at him as he takes another long drink, placing the glass down between the both of you, turning away.
> Is he avoiding you now?
> Your analytical brain begins to activate.
> He obviously is over thinking something, he's displayed physical deceptive indicators, he's avoiding eye contact with you... He's here to see Vinyl Scratch.. alone?
> ...Vinyl Scratch,Anon's favorite... ANON!
> Your eyes open widely involuntary as you reach your conclusion.
> You stare at him.
> He turns to you with a confused face.
"H-he's... he's here isn't he." You do your best to keep your voice under control.
> Drowned in Love: https://youtu.be/9WBia_7jQqA
> A new song begins.
93/?
>>22605365
Personally I really want to see the torture scene.
Why everyone is telling "this is too edgy" etc.
Come on guys, blood isn't that terrible. What's wrong with you? Anon was a soldier in this story, he knows his stuff...I want at least some blood here.
>>22606729
It's drama time!
>>22606737
It's because they're crybabies afraid that a bit of harshness will kill the story.
>>22606737
This.
>>22606737
It's like "someone has raped your mother, nah let's just arrest him instead of torturing"Need to see tortures.
>>22606737
>After all this RD's story, Anon chooses to just call the guards instead of punishing a fucker himself.
>Nope.
Not in Fife's green.
>>22606729
(Last line got cut)
> A new song begins to play as Big Mac appears to be sweating slightly.
> "Nnope" he replies lifting his drink looking towards the mirrored wall behind the bar.
> Your heart rate is up at the possibility of your love being here.
> Your eyes dart desperately around the ground level scanning for him.
> This could be your chance to talk to him.
> To tell him how sorry you are and beg him to forgive you.
> You had to try.
> Regret was heavy on your shoulders every moment of the day.
> There was nothing you wouldn't do for his forgiveness.
> There was no denying that you took advantage of his trust in you, and you need to make it right.
> You become frustrated not seeing what you are, at this point, desperately searching for.
"Big Mac,please! If he's here, tell me where he is! " your eyes pleading as they begin to mist.
> The way he looks at you reads as a indignant 'why should I tell you anything' face.
> Saying nothing after a few moments he raises a hoof pointing to the front door.
> You look to the door and back to him confused.
"You knew he was here and didn't tell me?" Feeling somewhat betrayed.
> "Eeyup." His tone defensive as he responds not looking at you, glass to his mouth.
> His tone causes you to flinch a little.
"So he left then?.." you respond with a tone full of defeat.
> Another moment of silence passes as he sips his drink, still not facing you, "Eeyup.."
> The feeling of loss flows through you again.
"You know... Don't you.." your voice is quiet looking down to the counter.
> He looks to you for a short moment without expression saying nothing, and turns back to the stage.
> He didn't respond with words, but you understood.
> You felt humiliated as the party continued around you.
> The happy, the drunk, all lively partying about.
> They're going to find out...all of them.
> What are you supposed to do?
> You have no one to blame but your self.
> Before you realize it your hooves were taking you to the front exit
93/?
>>22606869
I want a story where some other mare cheats on Anon and Twilight is the one to comfort him. I can only read about my waifu suffering so much, even if it is completely her fault in the context of the green
>>22605365
I'm just worried about the consequences of our actions. But I think I'd rather you skipped it.
>>22607041
It'd be interesting to have Twilight cheat on Anon and then have Velvet come and comfort him.
Lots of interesting things can be done with this idea and many feels can be dealt out.
>>22607063
But that is still Twilight cheating and just changing the other mare. I want someone else to do the betraying for once.
Or, you know, maybe something new altogether. This IS the "Marital Problems" thread, not the Adulterous Twilight thread anymore. We're open to new scenarios here, folks.
>>22607083
Well feel free to give it a twirl then Anonymous, if you got some ideas don't feel afraid to share some green with us.
>>22607124
You don't want to read my green. Not to mention I should be doing a programming assignment right now.
>>22601927
riiiiight...
>>22602331
while i'm not a fan of grimdark or edge, and i certainly hate anon in this fic, sure is well thought out and written so far!
>>22605365
quite a split response so far.
i don't particularly care if you write the torture or not, i'm more concerned about anon doing something so potentially stupid as has already been mentioned. ultimately tho, what i've loved about your story is it has been so real... so as long as the path you choose doesn't rely on plotholes or any other kind of artistic license, i'm a happy camper.
>>22607050
>consequences of punishing a rapist
>are you kidding me?
>>22607148
Well if you post green or not best of luck with that programming assignment, that shit sucks.
>>22607050
>>22607226
Quote:
>Save for his hands. They were shaking slightly.
"Tell me, what does Thunderlane look like again?"
>His question was straightforward, but he was rather quiet as he said it.
This means, that Anon would rather discipline Thunderlane himself than call the guards.
>>22607236
Tourture by himself rather then a trial by law. I'm sure it'll go down fine.
>>22607341
He still has his "Prince" title. He can do it without any consequences
>>22606869
> Tears were welling in your eyes but you didn't want any pony to see you cry.
> It felt as if your entire life was crumbling around you, as lights flashed, colors changed and ponies enjoyed their night, laughing, smiling and dancing.
> Among all of this you felt completely alone.
> Exiting the doors you are met by the bitter bite of the night air.
> A cold breeze sweeps over you causing your tears to begin to spill.
" Anon, my love, my life." You say aloud to yourself holding back a sob. "I'm. ..so..sorry.."
> Pinkie comes running out after you as tears begin to spill over your cheeks.
> She trots over to you, concern all over her face "Twi? What's wrong?"
> She begins to wipe some of your tears away, moving some of your mane away from your face.
"He's not going to come back Pinkie" you squeeze your eyes shut holding back tears.
> You take a few deep breaths trying to compose yourself.
"It's my fault. It's all my fault.."
> "Who Twi? What happened?" She begins rubbing your back.
" Anon.." you inhale trying to keep control.. " I... i.. "
> "Oh did you see him?!" She lights up a little.
"I..." you snap out of it a little looking at her confused, " see him? What do you mean, he left didn't he?"
> She giggles a little, " Nooo silllllly" she says a little drunkenly " I just saw him! He's on the second floor in some VIP thingy!"
> She pats you a little " So cheer up ..." > You cut her off as you sprint back to the entrance.
> "Buckooo... oookkaayy?" Pinkie makes her way back to the doors swaying with a mildly intoxicated wobble.
94/?
>>22607505
Pinkie Pie: World's Greatest Jobber
>>22607505
> You cut her off as you sprint back to the entrance.***
Idk why it did that. Anywho, I have a little more but I think I'm calling it a night. Ill update tomorrow or later if i cant sleep. Sorry for not getting more done, I hope it's enjoyed anyway.
>>22605365
Honestly I hope that Anon will torture him using medieval methods
>>22607598
Bump
>>22605365
I'd say it'd fit the thematic arc of your Anon to show the scene. Part of why I avoided it in mine was that I was already on that tight rope, but your Anon has shown a carefully constructed, storied descent into madness, and it could make for a powerful character moment because of that build up.
But of course, the creative license is yours. Gotta do what you want, and our enjoyment of the story will flow from your artistic vision.
>>22607505
Luna delivering fatal blow to steal Anon
>>22608727
Aaand spoiler thing fucked this post, I suggest deleting and re-writing
>>22608735
Yeah. Sry.
>>22605238
>She about choked.
Choked with him.
>>22605288
>"I-I don't g-get why he'd t-try to do that..."
Soo feelsy.
>"Hold on, maybe this'll help." you tell her, as you pull a shirt out of your dresser.
>"What's that for?" she asks, sniffling a little.
HNNGG! Boner, not now!
>>22605307
>Not a word is said by either of you in this situation, but she takes a deep whiff of your scent still embedded in the fabric and visibly calms down further.
Diamond stick appeared.
>Her lovely scent that reminded you of a fresh spring morning.
Skittles time!
>>22605323
>They could also help set up a lovely room for you to play with him.
YES! Make him cry.
>>22605365
>Do you guys want to see torture as it happens, or should I skip in a similar fashion as the other lovely writepal?
No. I want to know revenge is done, but anon is too good guy for me.I prefer to see done damage that look at ihem when they are making.
>>22608741
No problem m8, also, select the little box next to your name on the previous post, and scroll to the bottom, then click "delete":^)
>>22608747
But I have done that already.
Now it looks like I wanted.
>>22607598
Yet another excellent installment. I hope I can write Twi half as sympathy-inducing as you can.
> My heartstrings cannae take it cap'n!
>>22607598
Sorry, Without_Aname, but I'm no able to keep up your pace with posting, so I will read it from pastebin again, as fast as possible - so update it, faggot!
Just to clarify then, I might do a vote. I'm going to make a torture thing work, but it's not going to really get bloody.
I'm not all about knife-play. I like the idea of water-dripping/waterboarding/blasting high intensity sounds for hours at targets.
I'll see the responses later.
>>22608968
Gib him to the guard and then make sure he will be hanged for that.
>>22608968
Well, Anon can later train his men in torture, and combat.
I really want to see this shit. Also, to everyone fearing for him, don't, he is a Prince, and to everyone talking about mind reading spells, they have never been cannon in the the mlp universe.
>>22609413
>talking about canon in a greentext story about Twilight cheating on her human husband
And being a Prince doesn't make him immune to the law and being punished for breaking it.
>>22609620
As a Prince, he can punish deliquents himself.
He's like a judge here.
>>22608968
Fuck, I need to see this tortures!And honestly I want to see him even dying in pain. Yeah.
>>22609620
Asaulting a prince is punishable by death. Yet I don't see neither Shining neither Anon "being hanged by the neck until death".
>Check your Equestrian laws priviledge.
>>22609659
Proper punishment, perhaps, but I doubt torture falls under standard or acceptable procedure and therefore he wouldn't be protected by his status.
>>22609620This Anon's totally wrong
>>22609684
He can take deliquent under his control, and do anything he wants.
Equestria is not Earth, they have better law.
>>22609710
>they have better law
>allowance of torture is better
I think our ideas of 'better' are a bit off.
But regardless, I think this torture turn killed the story for me, guess I'll just stick around for Without Aname's story.
