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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6ljFaKRTrI
Horsefags in tripland
>>27670235
>Anon has done the impossible
>What many dream of and few achieve
>Anon has a happy and fulfilled life in humanland
>He's got the above average income
>The loving wife who willing try's all his weird kinks
>e-e-eight inch dick
>This fucker has it all
>Be the happiest mofo on the street
>Walking your cute ass doggo
>Little shit's so fluffy, you swear it sheds pounds of fur
>Should make a bomb ass coat out of it
>Enough about the doggo though
>Lets talk about you
>You're walking down a sparsely lit street
>Drug runners and street walkers surround you
>filthy degenerates
>You feel a spooky chill from the skeleton inside you
>Somebody's following you
>Luckily lurking on /k/ has prepared you for this situation
>You put your hand in your pocket and act like you have a gun you tard
>They're still following you
>Give em the ol' walk into the nearest ally and act like you know where you're going
>Just walk faster and they'll decide to mug someone else
>You notice now that the dog is gone
>Where the fuck did the fluff go?
>SMACK
>.....
>.......
>....Oh damn...
>This can't be happening
>Those shitty greens on /mlp/ don't actually happen
>You can't be in this place
>You've got a wife who takes it up the butt
>shits cash
Not a green to be cont, just a shit prompt at 4 AM. There's not too many greens about Anon actually being a genuinely happy guy, getting thrown to poneland, and generally giving a shit about going home.
>>27670235
Possibly the single worst OP pic we've ever had.
>>27670667
If I wanted that, I'd have used a picture of your favorite pony.
>>27670672
>>27670667
No it isn't.
>>27671393
I'll have two.
>>27670257
I want that cake
>>27672376
It's not the cake on the outside that's important but the cake on the inside.
>Be Anon.
>You aim to misbehave.
>You were invited to Canterlot Castle to meet the Princesses, but man fuck that.
>You snuck off the tour group and made your way to the archives.
>Time for some mo'fuggin' anarchy.
>You re-arange the library so that it's out of alphabetical order.
>Then you uncalibrate the Astrolabe.
>You tip over potted plants and leave streaks on windows.
>Your name get's scratched onto tables.
>The royal bathroom stalls get racist graffiti written on them.
>Discord would be so proud.
>So so pro-
>"Anonymous?"
"WHOASHITWHAT!?"
>You whirl around and come face to face with Princesses Celestia and Luna.
>They overlook your handiwork with annoyed faces. "Wha-what happened here!?"
>Uhhhhh...
>"It looks like a tornado came through..."
>UHHHHHHHHHH...
>"Anonymous...did -you- do this?"
>UUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHH SHIT FUCK.
>You turn and dash to the window, leaping through into the bushes below.
"I'msorryIcanfixitlaterthankyou!"
>You might have gone overboard with the plants.
>>27673119
The absolute madman.
The conclusion of Archmage Anon, unless I decide to unconclude it later. http://pastebin.com/fAz0cZ0F
>The place for this horn ceremony is not that impressive.
>It's just a room cleared of furniture. Kind of disappointed by the lack of candles and glyphs drawn in the floor.
>"So how is this gonna work?"
>"Thou will not need to do anything Anon, simply remain still."
>You stand in the center of the room, while Luna takes up position opposite you, the amulet floating in front of her.
>Celestia just stands near the door, clearly not taking part in this.
>She's probably just here in case something goes wrong.
>"Prepare thyself."
>Before you have a chance to respond Luna's eyes glow white and the amulet shatters.
>Black smoke scarred by red lightning emerges from the shards, coalescing in front of Luna into a large cloud.
>A cloud that's clearly some evil shit.
>A flick of her horn and the cloud shoots towards you.
>JESUS FUCK! PAIN! IT'S LIKE OVERDOSING ON MAGIC AGAIN! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS!
>"AaaaraAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
>be anon
>shitpost in aie threads every day
>one day you are teleported into equestria
"oh shit I guess I can't be teleported back because im resistant to magic!"
>twilight cringes in disgust from your hideous 400 pound greasy neck folds and says
>"shit headcanon"
>you get teleported back to earth
>die alone
>>27673926
>Anon is screaming, by your own Sun you knew this was a bad idea.
>But a look from Luna stopped you from interfering.
>Suddenly the sound of crackling magic and Anon's yelling ceases.
>You see a silhouette in the smoke as it begins to clear and-
>Oh. Oh my.
>The spell finally ends and you find yourself covered in soot and gasping for breath.
>Your head feels strangely heavy too. Oh yes.
>Tentatively you reach up to feel a ridged bony growth where your forehead should be.
>It worked.
>"Celestia. Luna. How do I look?"
>"IHAVETOGONOW"
>Celestia practically flees the room.
>"Did something go wrong?"
>Luna has a big smile on her face.
>"Nay Anon, my sister merely has a thing for large horns."
>You what?
>Unfortunately that is your last conscious thought before the weight of your new horns cause you to overbalance, fall over and knock yourself on out on the stone floor.
>>27670235
Guess I'll give it a shot.
Feedback and advice is appreciated.
>You poke the ground with your hoof.
>This is so awkward.
>But you got to get this done.
>You close your eyes and take a deep breath.
"I want you to spend the night with me, Anon!"
>...
>You wait a moment before you slowly open one eye.
>Anon just stares at you with an open mouth and a confused look on his face.
>...
"Anon?"
>"Uhh, sorry, I just, ehh, what?"
>You have never seen him like this.
"I said I want you to spend the night with me."
>"That was... I didn't expect that."
"Is that a yes?"
>He scratches his head and slightly shakes his had.
>What a bummer.
>"Rainbow, are you drunk?"
"What?"
>"You are not sick, are you?"
"No, I'm fine. What's with these weird questions?"
>"So you want to actually..."
"Yes!"
>"Well, I really enjoyed the day so far, but I really think you should consult your pillow over that."
"But why?"
>"This is all so sudden, and I am a... , look I would be honored but..."
>Honored?
"Anon!"
>"Are you really sure you want that? With me?"
"Come on!"
>He sighs.
>"You should think about it again. And if you really want to we can meet at the park tommorow."
"Okay, fine. But you better be on time tomorrow."
>"Yeah, eh, sure. Bye, Dash."
>And with a quick stroke of your Wings you lift yourself up and fly to hide behind the next cloud.
>You spy over the edge and see him trot towards the town again.
>When he starts to fade in the distance you fly down to your friends.
>As soon as you land Pinky erupts into laughter.
>"Have you seen his face?" she says while crying out of laughter.
>"Ah can't believe it," AJ says, while wiping a tear out of her eye.
>Rarity and Twilight are both busy with laughing.
>Only Fluttershy is not as much amused.
>"Was that really okay?" she asks.
"Ohh come on, Anon is a toughy! He can take a good prank!"
>After all of you, except Fluttershy, have a good laugh, it is time to plan the next step.
>>27674226
>"So how do we proceed?", Rarity asks.
>"I didn't expect it to go this way," Twilight says while rubbing her chin.
"Girls, I got it! I will meet with him at the park and you will hide in his house!"
>Pinky jumps up.
"That's it! This will be so funny!"
Next day:
>You spend the afternoon with Anon.
>It is actually fun to have him around.
>He still seems a little bit concerned.
>On the way to his home you get a bit nervous.
>Silly.
>"I never expected this to happen."
"What do you mean?"
>"Well, I didn't really think you liked me, so this came out of the blue. And I'm still not entirely sure how to feel about this."
"What do you mean?"
>"You always spend your time with your friends. It's just... I'm different, I always felt like I didn't fit in."
"Because you are a hooman? Please, Spike is a DRAGON!"
>Anon stops for a moment and sighs.
>Your turn around and see him looking up at the sky.
>"Yes maybe, but I don't think this really compares."
"Don't be silly."
>"Maybe you are right."
"Of course I'm right!"
>with a chuckle he says, "Of course.", as both of you continue your way to his house on the outskirts of Ponyville, near the Everfree Forest.
>Upon getting closer you quickly find his house look more like a hut or a large shed.
>You have never paid much attention to it up until now.
"So this is your home? Neat."
>"It's not much but it's alright."
>Well not everyone can live on clouds.
>As you reach the door step he hesitates a moment.
>"It might be a bit messy. I rarely have guests."
"No problem! You should see my room!"
>With a nod he opens the front door.
>>27674235
>He steps in.
>You follow.
>"So do you want to drink something?"
"Got you!"
>And with this the girls jump out of their hiding.
>Anons face shows utter confusion. Priceless.
>You break out in laughter, as four of the five other ponies do.
>Anon seems frozen, which makes the whole thing even more hillarious.
>"W-What is going on?"
"It," you grasp for air as you laugh "Was a prank!"
>...
"You should see your face!"
>You still laugh like a madmare.
>"AHAHA Haha ha..."
>His laugh subsides quickly as he returns to just standing there.
>It takes a minute for all of you to catch your breath.
>"You sure got me this time!" he says with a wide smile, "for a moment I actually believed..."
>His view wanders to the floor.
>"Oh, now that you all are here, please wait a moment. I got something to show you."
>And with this he heads to the back door of the room.
>"That was a brilliant idea, Darling! This might be the best prank ever!" Rarity says, while coming back to her hooves.
>"Are you sure we are not, uh, hurting his feelings?" Fluttershy asks with a worried tone.
>"Ohh don't worry Sugarcube ,we are talking about Anon here," AJ says with a bright smile.
"Yeah, he is okay."
>"Ohh, that's fine then," says Futtershy.
>"Girls, what do you think is he going to show us?" Twilight asks with a curious smile.
>A few minutes later.
>You keep yourself busy with looking around his... residence.
>There is not much too see. A bed a chair with papers, a chair. Some cooking utensils...
>Anon still hasn't returned.
"Anon! We're still waiting."
>There is no reply.
>"Rarity, uhm, you shouldn't do that. That are Anons private things," Fluttershy says with a nervous tone.
>"Oh dear, he wouldn't have left them here if he didn't want anybody to take a look," Rarity replies.
>You hear the rustling of paper.
>"OH MY..."
"Whats wrong, Rarity?"
>"Girls you have to come and see this! This is marvelous," Rarity says with excitement in her voice.
>>27674260
>You fly over to the desk, where all of you gather and have a look.
>Drawings.
"I have never seen anything that good!"
>"Those hands of his seem be quite useful," says Twilight.
>Rarity uses her magic to move the slowly browse through the drawings, as all of you gape in awe.
>Images of plants, landscape, ponies.
>With each new paper they seem to get darker.
"I don't know this is..."
>Raritys turns an other paper away.
"What is that?"
>"Well, duh, that is Anon."
>"No, Pinky, look at those buildings. I have never seen anything like it. And there are other hoomans."
>A painting of oddly rectangular buildings and Anon with more hoomans, the picture is roughed up and there are water spottings.
>"Yeah that is odd," pinky replies.
>"Ah'm havin' a bad feeling about this. Maybe we should look for him," AJ says with a concerned voice.
>"Oh please, I bet he is just hiding outside to scare us when we get out," pinky says with a smile.
>You think for a moment.
"Has Anon ever pulled a prank on any of you?"
>You take a look around their faces. They are either shaking their heads or looking down.
"Oooh."
>"But, but Anon always laughed after our pranks! He always laughed."
>Pinky lowers her head and ask with a cracking voice, "we screwed up, didn't we?"
>You get a tight feeling in your chest.
“I'm going to look for him!”
>As you turn around you feel a hoof placed on your shoulder.
>”Wait, darling, I'm sure he is alright. And where do you want to look for him?"
"I... where does he usually go?"
>"When he isn't working on the farm, ah see him at the marketplace from time to time."
>You wait a moment.
"That's it?"
>You shake your head.
"That is all we really know about him?"
>"He came to see me today. He asked about spells to erase his memories, and..."
"And what Twilight?"
>Twilights voice sound sad as she goes on, "...and asked about you. If you were alright. If I noticed any changes about you."
>
>
>
>A soft voice says, "I have seen him go into the Everfree Forest"
>>27674290
continue
>>27674962
>>27675123
less sass
>>27675670
It wasn't meant that way.
>mfw trying to be funny
>>27675707
3/4 more sass then
So, I haven't been on this board in like 2 years. Any really good shit I should read?
>>27676171
yes
>>27676171
Depends. What's your kink?
crosspostan
>>27677282
>>27677183
WING ROT
>Be Pone in Poneland
>Big apleien husbando magically apeared just like in your anineighs
>"Make a contract with me and become a magical pon"
"Okay"
>You sign the contract
>"You are now a magical pone"
"Hooray!"
>You are delighted at this!
>Wait you feel the same as you did before
"I feel the same though"
>"Were you magic before?"
"Um, yes?"
>"That's why then, You're magical now and you were magical before, so you feel like you did before."
"Can i shoot magic spells and stuff?"
>"Idk, my job was just for you to be magical. Beyond being magical, it's not my department."
"Aww."
>Unbeknownst to either of you, the paper the contract was on came from China
>The Chinese germs infect you
>Your wings rot and fall off
>"Shit man, you should see a doctor about that."
>At least you got a husbando, right?
>*POOF*
>Well whinny-fuck, he disappeared
>Today was a bad day
>Sitting at the bar you shoot the shit with Rainbow Dash while working on your buzz.
“Okay, so say you had superpowers. Would you want to be able to fly or run really really fast.”
>Rainbow sets down her beer and orders up another.
>”What kind of question is that? I already have both.”
“No, no, no. I mean super fast, like faster than even the laws of physics.”
>”I am that fast.”
“I’m talking Flash fast.”
>”I don’t know who Flash is, but I’m already so fast I create sonic rainbooms.”
“The Flash can run so fast he goes back in fucking time.”
>Propping a limb on the table, she points at you and leans her head forward.
>”Pfft, I could if I wanted to.”
>Given the hour you can’t really say if it’s the booze talking, if she’s trying to bait you, or if she actually believes that.
“Bullshit.”
>”I totally can. Step outside and I’ll prove it.”
>You ready to accept regardless if it is a trap or not, but some part of your brain reminds you of where you are.
“Has there even been an instance of time travel?”
>”Yeah. Twilight went back like a week once.”
>Better not risk it then.
>You stare at Dash while trying to think of something else to talk about.
>She stares back still ready to go.
>Ehh, fuck it.
“Alright, let’s do it.”
>She grins and pounds the rest of her beer.
>You do the same and then head out the door.
>”Okay, stand back. I’ll catch ya yesterday.”
“No way. I’m coming with.”
>”No offense, but you’re too heavy, dooder. I could barely pull you when you wanted to try ‘water skiing.’”
“Damn. I don’t wanna be stuck here while you fly off.”
>”Don’t sweat it; I’ll be back before you know it.”
>You go to argue, but she blitzes off.
>A giant bang of thunder and color coated shockwave later you decide she’s not coming back.
>Heading back into the bar you make use of your own superpower.
>Travelling forward in time at the speed of blackout drunk.
>>27678241
>Sunlight bleeds into your room causing a sting that grudgingly forces you awake.
>You throw off the covers and rub your aching head.
>The room is a mess, but there’s no sign of passed out hookers or vomit.
>Good, you don’t really feel like dealing with either of those right now.
>Making your way to the kitchen you down some water while trying to remember what happened last night.
>It was a Friday, so you were definitely at the bar with Dash.
>There was the usual banter, and then you ended up outside.
>Oh yeah, she said she was going to go back in time and then you got drunker.
>Rainbow Dash back in time. Ha.
>She was probably full of shit. How would she even prove something like that?
>She said she was going to visit you yesterday, but you didn’t see her at all yesterday.
>That’s just like Dash. It was all a big fat bluff.
>She couldn’t go back in time, and she certainly didn’t visit your past.
>The pain of the hangover intensifies as the dark cloud blows away.
>Rainbow Dash…you…past.
>Frantically you set down the water and grab the edge of the counter as a suppressed memory rises from the fog.
>The reason why you didn’t find this world strange; the reason you stayed close to Dash even though you didn’t really like her; the reason you’ve been a constant lush.
>She was there so long ago. A part of your childhood your parents told you was only a figment of your imagination.
>You met Rainbow Dash years before you even ended up in Equestria.
>And she touched your naughty bits.
>With the last gear in place, you set the balance spring in motion.
>You listen for a few seconds to the steady tick of the pocket watch.
"Finally. I got you working, you little bastard."
>You flip it around, and prepare to set the time, but something's wrong.
>The second hand is moving counterclockwise.
"Son of a-"
>"Uncle Anon?"
>You pull your head away from your desk's magnifying glass and rub your eyes as they readjust themselves to Flurry Heart.
>She stretches herself just so that her eyes are above your workstation.
"Yes?"
>"I'm ready for today's lesson."
"Is it already that time? Alright, well. Let's get started."
>You move your tools and little mechanical devices off to the side, making room for the young princess.
>Her eyes follow.
>"What are you working on?"
>You let out a sigh.
"Trying to get this stupid watch fixed."
>Flurry levitates the watch over to her.
>"This one?"
"Yes. That one."
>"Why is it going backwards?"
"Because I didn't fix it. Now come on. Pull up a chair. You're not doing your work on the ground."
>She grabs a chair for herself, and lays her supplies on the table.
>"What are we going over today?"
"We're still doing springs until you can get it."
>At the sound of the word springs, Flurry groans.
"I know, but I promise: once you understand this, we'll have some fun, and build a mini-catapult together. I'm sure you can bother your mother to Hell and back with it."
>"But I do understand it!"
"That's not what your homework says."
>"Fine."
"Okay, write this down. You have a box with a mass of five kilograms, and rest it onto a spring. The spring compresses from one meter to half a meter. What is the spring constant? Once you find that, tell me how much the spring will compress when there is an eight kilogram, a three kilogram, and a one kilogram box on the spring."
>Diligently, she works through the math, and once she solves those, you give her slightly more complex ones to tackle.
>>27678430
>With a little help and some hints, she manages them just fine.
>You could see the gears finally start turning inside her head, something you failed to see from the previous day.
>Though, in her defense, she had a lot on her mind at the moment with her dad.
>For her homework, you let her stay in your workshop.
>You give her a few springs of various materials and coiling, along with a weight and ruler
>Her task was to find the spring with the highest constant so that it can be used for the catapult.
>She argued that she didn't need to go through all that work, and could just measure which spring compresses the least.
>You told her that wasn't the fucking point.
>While she worked on that, you would work on fixing that watch.
>That is until she protested.
>"Anon, what are you doing?"
"Fixing this watch. What does it look like?"
>"Oh, okay."
"Are you wanting me to help you?"
>"No."
"Alright then."
>You bring the desk magnifying glass over the watch, and prepare your tools to start pulling out gears.
>"I just thought that the watch was pretty neat as it was. That's all."
"Well, you think it's neat. I think it's broken."
>There's a moment of silence.
>"So what are you going to do with it when you're done?"
"Put it on my dresser. Carry it around. Sell it. Hell, I don't know, Flurry. I'm just tinkering around with this stuff. Why? Are you wanting it?"
>She shrugs.
>"Maybe a little."
>You scoff.
"Alright, fine. I'll put the back piece back on, and you can have it."
>"Thanks, Anon."
>One by one, she examines the springs.
>As she does so, she tries to strike up a conversation with you.
>"Anon, you said that you used to be a nurse, or doctor, or..."
"Paramedic."
>"So, you saved lives?"
"Sometimes, yes. I kept people from dying."
>>27678440
>"Like sick ones?"
"Not really. I mean, yes, I picked up people who were sick, but my job revolved around getting people who had emergencies, like heart attacks, strokes, car accidents. Most of the ill people were already in the hospital."
>"So you don't know how to treat illnesses?"
"No."
>"But you're really smart. If the doctors here asked for your help, you could do it, right?"
"Look, Flurry. I don't know anything about how to make people not sick, alright? Why don't you go ask your aunt these damn questions?"
>Her ears fall back.
>Her gaze is locked onto the springs, but you can still see it in her eyes that you've struck a nerve.
"I'm...I'm sorry, Flurry. I shouldn't have said that. That wasn't an appropriate thing of me to say."
>"It's okay, Anon."
>Until she completed her work, the only sound you had listened to was the scratching of quill on parchment, and the ticking of a broken watch.
>"Here."
>She brings over her homework to you.
>You give it a cursory glance.
"Good job for today."
>"You didn't even go over it."
"I'm sure you did just fine."
>"Okay."
>As she packs her materials you remind her of her trinket.
"Hey, don't forget your watch."
>"Oh yeah."
>She levitates the watch to in front of her, and opens it up, watching the second hand tick by.
>"Anon, in your world, was there ever a way to go back in time?"
"I wish."
>"What would you have done if you could?"
"I would have responded to some of those calls a lot quicker."
>She closes the watch and tucks it away.
>"I wish I could go back and have a memory of dad before he got sick."
>You pull Flurry close to you and pet her head.
"I know."
>Her voice is breaking up.
>"You would have helped him if you could have, right, Anon?"
"Yeah. I would have done everything possible."
>You hear a sniffle.
>"Anon, what did you do when you couldn't save somepony?"
"Blamed myself. Blamed those around me. Cried sometimes. Just know that it's not your fault. These things happen."
>"Okay."
Don't come here often, but I thought I'd at least drop this for you.
Thoughts? Should I continue it?
>>27678449
>Thoughts?
feels/10
>Should I continue it?
Of course.
>>27678445
>paramedic Anon
There better be sum gud flashbacks.
>>27678601
>be anon
>look twilight right in the eyes and say.
"You're never too young to have a Vietnam flash back."
>she looks at you confused.
>"what are yo-"
>shes cut off by you frantically rubbing your eyes.
>The flash backs start to appear.
>she can see them.
>"w-w-what t-the hell?!"
>oh shit you ran out of Vietnam flash backs.
>time for the back up.
>oh shit you hit your pony porn memorys from earth and shes staring at them.
>"hey that ones me! Wait... WAIT... OH GOD OH GOD NO!"
>be twilight
>you now have PTSD.
>>27674290
Okay, little criticisms. I think you could improve Rainbow Dash's voice a little. I know there's more to Dash than her egoism, but whenever she's brought up, she's quick to remind everyone of her greatness. If you can insert things like that, plus whatever Dash mannerisms you can think of, into the dialogue would really come to life. I want to take that first line for example
>"I want you to spend the night with me, Anon!"
There are a million and one ways to bring out a character's voice, but if I were writing, I would probably go with something along the lines of
>"So, Anon. How would YOU like to spend the night with the most awesomest pony in Equestria?"
You don't have to go over the top, like I did, but like I said, little bits here and there would really bring out her personality.
Okay, the hooman joke is kind of cute, because "haha Anon is such a foreign concept to ponies!" but it doesn't have a place in your story with the tone I'm getting from it. Especially when you use it every time you mean the word 'human.' I'm getting conflicting messages when you want to play up the fact that humans are a strange thing to ponies, and they have such little understanding that they can't even pronounce the word right, but at the same time, you want me feel for Anon, who walks into the woods, likely to his death, because his friends don't take him seriously, which leads me to my kinda big criticism.
Continued.
>>27678752
The ending doesn't have as big of an impact as it could have had. It is a tragic ending, but one not completely out of the realm of possibility, so I will say: good job for not being melodramatic. I could make a list of little things, but I think it would be better if I asked some questions instead.
Why should I care about Anon's decision to walk away from all this?
What has he done to make his relationship better with the girls?
From what I've read, I can't tell if this is Anon overreacting, or his absolute last resort. Yeah, I get that this stuff has happened before, and he's been upset over it for a while, but what attempts has he made to change his situation besides this one?
Why didn't Twilight do something about Anon asking how to wipe out his memory? In a land where that can imaginably be done, those seem like huge red flags for distress. It's kind of hard to think that something like that was glossed over by Twilight until it happens to be relevant to the story.
That being said, the last big criticism is kind of contextual. If this is the beginning of a much longer story, I could see you getting away with this, because the act in and of itself is an insight into Anon's character, and would serve to inform the reader as to Anon's future actions. If this is the gut punch to get at the reader's emotions, then it doesn't quite work. You can rectify it by giving some of Anon's thoughts, like in a diary, or a monologue when they find him, but since it's not to that part yet, I can't really judge it that way.
Continued.
>>27678755
I want to end this by saying that I didn't think this was a bad green, in spite of my criticisms. I've read way worse greens. I want to say that you did a good job of showing some restraint. I could imagine other writers going overboard with how shitty Anon's life is, which can work to make the character's actions more understandable, but also runs the risk of feeling out of place in Equestria. So, I will say nice job with sticking to, and focusing on, one more believable aspect of Equestria leading to darker consequences.
rosspostan
>>27678868
>Be Birb in poneland
>Got secretary job for some small horses
>Takan messages, gettan coffee
>Meet mutant minotaur bull while at the coffee shop
>Find he's up for some wrasslin
>Wrassle the fuck out of eash other
>Whole town is cheeran
>Pants him right good
>Cor, look at the donger he's got
>Just swinging there tween his legs like it's the middle o' spring
>It's roight beyootiful
>N-no homo
>Mino puts up a good fight but you eventually win
>Maybe next time, mate
>Today was a pretty good day
>>27677479
>Well whinny-fuck
Best swear ever.
>>27678246
You will never get molested by a blue pegasus.
>Dear Princess Celestia,
>Can you do something about Twilight and Rainbow Dash traveling back in time to molest me as a child? It's starting to effect causality and it's giving me weird fetishes. And we both know the last thing I need is more of those.
>Sincerely,
>Anonymous.
>p.s. I know you went too and fucked my dad. You should go back a few more times. I remember him missing you.
crosspostan
>>27680113
>Be Anon.
>Now in Equestria, a place.
>The farmer pony seems to want something.
>"It's dangerous to go alone. Take this."
>She pushes what you think is her sister forward towards you.
"What?"
>The child pony walks over to you
>"Go on, take it."
>"Hi Mr Anon!"
>You walk away cautiously, like anyone would after being offered a child by a farmer.
>The child pony follows you, and Applejack leaves.
>"Be a good gal, y'hear."
>"Bye sis."
>Nope.
>You keep walking away.
>The small small horse keeps following you.
>She follows you all the way home.
>You go inside and make damn sure to lock the door.
>Hopefully she'll get bored and leave.
>The next morning you find her still there, with signs of her having slept at your doorstep.
>Not wanting to deal with more of this weird farmer bullshit, you decide to get the government to remove this vagrant from your property.
>Good thing she lives next to you.
>You go outside, being careful to lock the door behind you to keep ponies out, and knock on your neighbor's door.
>"Good morning Anonymous, what brings you here today?"
"Can you get the ponice to come collect a lost child pony?"
>"A lost foal? I'll get right on it."
>Four hours later the ponice tell you that she's your problem now.
>Well that sucks.
>How else can you deal with this?
>Maybe you're approaching this the wrong way...
>>27680405
the ponice are so lame
I'm in need of some mintpone green. Besides Ayylium walks among us .
>>27680860
>Be Anon.
>You live with Mintpone.
>And by live you mean chained to the radiator and tortured every day.
>She gets off on it.
>Send help.
>Not Derpy because she delivers your mail every morning and doesn't do anything to help.
>Not Luna either. She watches your dreams and masturbates to them.
>Actually send anything that isn't a pony. You're pretty sure the whole town knows you're down here.
>>27680860
>Be Lyra, mint green pone.
>You're the mare who runs the town gym.
>It's got everything a gym could need.
>Heavy things for ponies to pick up and put back down again.
>A bed for ponies to lie on when they want to pick things up lying down.
>A sitting down treadmill with extra pedals.
>Some medicine bowls.
>And a piano for the dancaerobics sessions and the thrash metal yoga classes.
>EVERYTHING!
>Except the thing you want the most.
>A human.
>But that's going to change soon!
>You've been sending fliers for the gym to him every day.
>You only need him to pick one of them up for that contact poison Bonnie got for you to work it's magic.
>Then you'll finally have a gym partner to call your own.
>Stupid Bonnie and her employees-only company gym
>You'll show her.
>You'll show them all!
extra crosspost
>>27680546
>Be Applebloom, smallest of the howdy horses.
>Ever since AJ adopted you to Mister Anon, you've been wondering something.
>You've never seen his cutiemark, he's always wearing so much clothes.
>Like a ton of clothes.
>He has clothes for wearing over his other clothes!
>So what is his special talent?
>You have to find out, what kind of mare doesn't know her own family's special talents?
>A plumb bad one, that's who.
>And you aren't gonna let down family like that.
>It's not been easy trying to figure it out, Mr. Anonymous almost never takes off those clothes of his.
>He only does it when he thinks he's alone, and puts them back on afterwards
>You gotta be all sneaky-like.
>Waiting is tough, but you're an Apple and Apples can tough it through.
>>27680251
>Dear Anonymous,
>Well maybe if YOU were even the little bit receptive to the idea of being with a pony these things wouldn't happen. It's like I say 'you should always give things a try.'
>Totally from
>Princess Celestia
>P.S. Rainbow Dash deserves more hugs.
Anyone have any good treehugger greens?
stumbled upon "cow tipping" the other day
http://pastebin.com/pSeAqG9T
anybody can tell me if theres more stuff with minotaurs? might have found a me new fetish
>>27678752
>>27678755
>>27678759
I have to thank you!
This is by far the best and most constructive feedback I've ever read! Commendable!
I wanted to write a little further but unfortunatly it didn't come to that.
Trying to fix that now...
>>27681047
>>27682189
Kay
>>27682189
No problem, m8
>>27680860
Stories?
I got yousoon
>>27674290
"THE EVERFREE FOREST!?" five voices ask in unison.
>"Yes," Fluttershy replies, "but only occasionally."
>You should have known.
>You should have known it from the very beginning.
>How easy you fell for it.
>You actually believed there was a chance.
>Why would this world be any different from the last?
>Atleast in your world you could remotely relate to other persons. Remotely.
>But here...
>Your feet carry you inside the Everfree forest.
>A place as good as any other.
>No.
>The sun is setting.
>Only a few rays of sunlight remain.
>In fact this might be the best place in all of Equestria.
>This is the place you apperead after all. Only natural that you would disappear here.
"Im going to look for him!"
>"Darling, please. We are talking about Anon here. Even if he were a bit sulky, I'm sure he just wants to be alone for a moment."
>"Maybe Rarity is right. We are at his refuge and maybe he just wants to be alone for a while."
>Applejack gives her a worried look.
>"Ah don't know Twilight, he was different from usual."
"That' right, I'm going!"
>And with this you rush out of the door.
>"Um, I really think we should follow her," says Fluttershy
>You place your hoof at your chin.
>Anon was asking about Rainbow Dash today.
>But that was to be expected.
>He came to your library from time to time.
>He asked strange questions.
>History, Magic, Lands and Species.
>But you never thought much of it.
>He didn't want to talk about his past at all.
>He has always been a mistery for you.
"Applejack, you know him the most. Has he said anything unsual to you lately?"
>"We don't really talk that much."
Sup
>>27684928
No one's stopping you.
>>27685607
Stop bitching and post some green, faggot.
>>27685642
>>27685642
ok
>>27685736
Kek
>>27678449
>Should I continue it?
Yes. I'm quite curious.
>>27685736
>>27681955
Don't know of any, but that was pretty good. Thanks for the link.
>>27681955
>http://pastebin.com/pSeAqG9T
oh god this is adorable i love it
fuck
>>27685736
Okay, I admit, that was funny.
So I was reading stories to my nieces today and it put me in a funny mood for writing.
>Once there was a green faced man called Anon who lived in a town full of ponies.
>He had friends and a home and fun adventures.
>But he had one problem, he had no money.
>Because the green faced man had no job.
>"GOD FUCKING DAMN IT." yelled the green faced man when he discovered he was out of food.
>And so he resolved to get a job.
>He first went to the mayor and asked for job.
>"Certainly Anon, I can always use help with paperwork. You start by signing off on those papers there."
>So the green faced man sat at his desk with a smile.
>"Bit low tech, but can't be that hard." he said as he picked up the quill and began to write.
>But it was hard, the ink ran and flowed and the paper became a blotchy mess.
>"Oh dear" said the mayor looking over his shoulder.
>"I didn't realize how hard it might be for you to write with those waggling wigglers. Maybe you should try another job."
>So Anon left the building grumbling at his misfortune.
>"Stupid ponies, fucking primitive, invent a god damn ballpoint."
>Next he went to the Apple Farm and asked for a job.
>"Well sure Anon, y'all look pretty strong. Why don't you try bucking those trees."
>So Anon kicked the tree. And nothing happened.
>"Need to do it a mite harder Anon."
>So the green faced man kicked the tree again. And it shook.
>"Come on Anon, it's a tree. Don't be holding back."
>So he kicked the tree as hard as could. There was crack and apples rained down.
>"OH GOD! FUCK! MY FOOT!"
>Cried Anon as bark gave way and his foot lodged deep in the trees trunk, splinters pricking at this ankle
>"I er, I think I'll go get Nurse Redheart. Ya'll stay here."
>"FUCK!"
>"Eeyup" Said a large red pony.
Might continue this later, if people like it.
>>27687547
Im wet now
>>27687624
Well stop standing in the rain like an asshole.
>>27687547
Moar Storytime in Equestria please
>>27687547
yes
>>27683727
>You are scudding over the Everfree Forest.
>The sun is almost sunk.
>The forest is big and when it's night you won't be able to see anything in there, from the sky.
>And it can be a dangerous place at night.
>You get a bad feeling.
>And put some extra power in your strokes.
>Should you shout his name? Would he even reply?
>When the last rays of light vanish from the horizon you stop mid-air.
>At the corner of your eyes, there was something.
>You turn around and lower your altitude.
>Flying only a few feet above over the treetops you search the area.
"Anon!"
>No reaction as you scan the area.
"Anon, are you here?"
>You hang your head.
"Of course not..."
>When you are about to lift yourself up again you hear some rustling in the woods.
"Anon?"
>Very carefully you fly down towards the sound.
"Anon!"
>You fly towards him and place your hoof on his shoulder.
>He stops.
>"What are you doing here?"
"That is my line!"
>"Why should you care?" he says and takes another step forward.
"Anon this place is dangerous!"
>"Then leave."
"Anon!"
>Your hoof still resting on his shoulder, you yank him around.
"Anon have you been..."
>"So you came to mock me?"
"Anon, I didn't knew..."
>He jostles your leg away.
>And with a bitter voice he says, "Go home, Rainbow Dash."
"And where are you going?"
>>27689400
>"It doesn't matter. Just away."
"Please come home, Anon."
>"There is no home! You don't get it, do you? I'm alone!"
>"What's wrong with you? Do you still need me to work for AJ? Do you want me to listen to your problems? Do you want your doormat back!?"
>"I don't belong to you! I don't belong in this world!"
>Tears well his eyes, as you look at him speechless.
>"It wasn't about spending the night with you! I honestly thought I could bond to a person."
>"I'm tired of these looks. I'm tired of everything."
>He turns around.
>"When I can't be happy in the paradise, maybe hell is the right place for me."
>>27689499
"I just, I don't understand!"
>"You don't know anything about me."
"Then tell me!"
>He turns around with a furious eyes.
>"Do you know the place I'm from!?"
>"Do you know what happens to boys who cry there!?"
>"Did you ever stop smiling to ask yourself if it was fake or true, because you got so good at pretending to be someone you are not?"
>"What do you know of the horrors of..."
>"...and you managed to make me want to go back there..."
>>27689645
not sure if I should continue... I may have gone way overboard
>>27689657
Please do.
>>27689657
please continueI'm too involved in this shit now man, you can't cut me off like this!
>>27687547
Do they watch the show?
>>27689697
>>27689713
If that is your wish.Just let me finish something real quick and grab a bite.
>>27689657
>>27689657
Come on man just a lil bit i need my hit
>>27690072
>>27690152
alright
>>27689657
i prefer a ruined orgasm to perpetual blueballs
>>27690662
I'm not sure if I understand?
>>27690716
finish it, if it sucks, at least it's over, if it's never finished, we'll always wonder
>>27689645
"I never..."
>"You never what!?"
>"Do you want to know why I didn't talk about my past? About me? About my world?"
>"I wanted to spare you. None of you know how it feels to be kicked and spit at."
>"None of you know what it feels like to be cast out."
>"None of you know what it feels like to be the only one of your kind in foreign world."
>"And none of you know what it feels like to be a failure."
>He starts to laugh, a laugh that seems to crush your chest.
>"Do you know whats funny? I was prepared to do it. I even asked twilight about erasing my memories in case you would wanted me to forget the night."
"I..."
>"Just go home."
>That's when he turns around to leave.
>>27690990
>Tears wash over your face as you scream in bitter agony.
>You were so blind.
>You wanted to have some fun.
>Just a silly prank.
>But you stabbed a dagger in his already aching heart.
>Could you have been any crueler?
>There was no way he would come back.
>And it was your fault.
>All you could do was go home, a place he doesn't
"AAAAAAARRRGGHHH!"
>A searing pain rushes through you back as wooden teeth dig deep inside.
>You try to roll aside as claws swing at you.
>Panicked you kick inside their direction.
>And with a dull sound you hear something collapse.
>Yellow eyes look at you.
>Crawling away, you try to get on your hooves.
>You flap your wings to no effect but pain.
>Your legs stem against the ground, trying to increase the distance between you and the timberwolves.
>They draw closer, step after step.
>"HEY!"
>Their attention is turned to your left, where Anon is standing.
>A thick branch in his hand.
"Come here!"
>He swing it as he nears the timberwolves.
>One of them launches at him.
>Anon swings his weapon directly at it, hitting the shoulder and knocking it back.
>Branches fly through the air as a loud yelp is heard.
>With this the two others slowly withdraw backwards.
>And finally run away.
>>27691429
>Yellow light fights the darkness of the forest.
>"Rainbow Dash! Anon! Where are you!?"
>You lift your head
"Fluttershy, can you see anthing up there?"
>"Twilight keep ya head down, we can't see anything!"
"Ops, sorry."
>"Uhm, I can't make anything out.", whispers a voice from above.
>"Are you sure they are here, dear? This place is rather unpleasant."
>You turn your head to Rarity.
"We have looked everywhere in town, they must be here somewhere. Pinky can you see anything?"
>"No."
>You hear a distant scream,"AAAAAAARRRGGHHH!"
"Rainbow Dash!"
"Fluttershy, where did it come from!?"
>She points out her hoof, "from there."
"Everpony, follow me!"
>And all of you start to run in the direction.
>You work you way through for minutes, calling for Rainbow over and over again.
>"I'm here!"
"Where!? Are you alright!?"
>"Over here!"
>You follow the voice.
"Rainbow! What happened!?"
>Rainbow lies with her back against a tree.
>Ripped of cloth bandages around her chest, soaked with blood.
>"I, uh, got in a fight with some timberwolves."
"Where is Anon?!"
>She lowers her head, and tears run down her face.
>"Gone."
>>27671393
>”Hey kid, want a smoked sausage?”
Wait, what? I thought you were an herbivore or whatever?
>”What? I’m an athlete, stupid. I need protein.”
How did you even get these?
>”Made a deal with Fluttershy. I’m on Manticore duty for the next three weeks.”
Since when does she have-
>”Look, do you want one or not? They’re getting cold.”
Ugh, fine. I’ll take two.
>>27691831
YOU'RE NOT ME!
>>27671393
>"Hey kid, wanna swap spit?"
"Ewww. That's disgusting."
>"No, no, hear me out. Your immune system gets stronger by fighting off invaders, right?"
"Uh, I guess."
>"And you haven't so much as kissed a pony, right?"
"No way, that'd be super gross."
>"And no pony's been in close contact with you either, *mumble* not for lack of trying."
"What was that last bit?"
>"Never you mind. The point is we have a unique opportunity here. I could be the first pony to become immune to you germs, and you can become immune to pony germs. We'd be the only one's in the whole world with that kind of power. We'd be like super heroes."
"Can I fight crime?!"
>"Sure. You'd be immune to ponies after all. It would be a waste not to."
"Okay, so do you, like, want me to spit in your mouth?"
>"No way, what are you some kind of heathen? Would you want me spitting in yours?"
"No, but then how?"
>"Simple, we touch our tongues together."
"Isn't that just a grosser way of kissing?"
>"Have you ever seen ponies kissing use their tongue?"
"No, but Twilight said—"
>"See, I told you she was a huge nerd who would mix up something as simple as becoming stronger. She relies too much on her magic to understand."
"That may be..."
>"So stick out your taste tester and let's go beat up some bad guys!"
"It still seems kinda..."
>"You can't be a super hero if you're a huge chicken."
"I'm not a huge chicken!"
>"Then stick out your tongue."
"Y-you first."
>"Ugh, fine. Bleh"
"...mmmmm..."
"Ew ew ew ew, it's all slimey."
>"Pfft. You taste like the wrong end of a cow."
"I need to go brush my tongue for like an hour."
>"M-me too."
"And when I'm done, watch out evil doers here comes the Masked Marauder! Don't tell anyone my secret identity okay?"
>"Promise, so long as you keep the Flash's identity quiet.."
"Deal, but that's trademarked. You know, maybe you are kind of cool. I'll see you around fellow crime fighter."
>"Score one for Rainbow Dash."
>>27692124
That's what you think.
>>27692220Now neither of us will be virgins.
>>27692549Nice.
>>27692549
oh boy!
>>27692124
Nice.
Crosspostan octavia thing.
>Be Anon in Equestria.
>You're a musician, so you're looking for a job as a musician.
>There's an ad looking for a new member for the Canterlot sympharmonica band.
>You decide to apply for it.
>At the music hall there are a bunch of ponies with instruments waiting for the job.
>Plebs.
>Who uses a real instrument these days?
>Air guitar is best guitar.
>The tournament begins and you're up against Princess Luna who plays the saxophone.
>You beat her easily since she doesn't have any fingers to press the buttons with.
>Up next is another Princess Luna, this time playing the holes in her legs.
>The first Luna sees her and they get in a fight.
>They are both disqualified for this.
>You advance to the final round.
>It's a grey octopus sitting in a bowl of water with a oversized violin.
>You both rock out as hard as you can.
>The judges declare a tie.
>NOPE.
>You both flip out and start smashing you intruments into the faces of the judges.
>The crowd riots.
>Octopustavia is electrocuted when she tries to use your electric air guitar as a club.
>She lies there twitching on the ground in a sparking puddle
>Her moist flesh pulsates and writhes.
>Alluringly.
>You kick you air guitar away from her and pick the fried octopus up.
>You quietly slip away and return home.
>You might not have got the job, but you do have a date for tonight.
>>27695056
Postan here and not there because it's probably not rgr enough.
>Be Octopus in Equestria
>You're the first Chellist for the National Orchestra.
>Not the first as in there weren't any before you, it's the name of the position you hold.
>You've just finished playing for this evening's crowd and are packing up your instrument.
>The penis- err pianist walks by, pushing his own instrument off the stage.
>Look at that flank on him.
>He falls over and is crushed by his heavy piano.
>Blood is everywhere and the sickening crunch he makes chills you to the bone.
>Oh Celestia this is horrible!
>You rush over to help him, shit what do you do?
>Think Octy think.
>Get the piano off him!
>You firmly grab the piano and heave!
>It doesn't budge, that thing is heavier than it looks.
"SOMEPONY HELP!"
"CALL AN AMBULANCE!"
>A few ponies hear your shouting and come to help
>Together you finally manage to push the bulky instrument off your colleague.
>Lying in front of you is his ruined body, there's no signs of life when you try to check his heartbeat.
>He's just lying there, dead.
>>27695455
Plot twist: it wasn't an accident
>>27695497
Bad Horse?
>>27695845
Bad horse.
>>27691429
>Your moonlight shadow is twisted by the treetops as you glide over the place you know all too much.
>It doesn't take long to spot him.
>You slowly land beside him. And match his speed.
>"Are you here to bring me back?"
>You shake your head.
"No, Anonymous."
>"Then why are you here, Luna?"
"I came to thank you."
>"Thank me? For not being a *total* piece of shit?"
"No, for saving a friend."
>"It was because of me, why she got hurt."
"Maybe, but it was you who carried her until you could hear her friends."
>"You said it, now leave me alone."
You walk at his side in silence for a moment.
"I really like the night. It is so quiet and peaceful..."
>You lift your head to look at the moon.
"...but it can be very lonely too."
>He stops and turns towards you for the first time.
>"Do you think you know how I feel?"
"How could I? I barely know you."
>He gives you a confused look.
"But I know how sadness feels, and I know how it is to be rejected."
>He is just looking at you.
"I won't break your peace any longer. Farewell, Anonymous, I hope you will find what you are looking for."
>And with this you step back and lift yourself up into the night sky, with him still looking at you.
I think I'll leave it at that.
>>27696225
Wrong link. Sorry!
It refers to this.
>>27691759
>Optical lenses suffered severe damage due to impact trauma to your head.
>The same impact that broke the machinery in your right arm and leg, leaving you with nothing but worthless organics hanging off the side of your body.
>There's a gaping hole in the front of your torso, and something is wrong with your back, leaving you in perpetual agony.
>Surrounded by nothing but silence, you can only wait here for rescue.
>On some desolate, unmarked planet, and your unremarkable ship and self, who would come looking for you?
>How long have you been out here?
>Being a Cyborg has its drawbacks, such as being very hard to kill, having no painkillers, and being forced to live through every agonizing moment of this slow death.
>Since you’re connected to a power source that is basically limitless, you won’t be dying due to a lack of charge any time soon.
>You’ve tried moving, but your servos are too weak, and your body is too heavy.
>Only one good arm, left leg isn’t doing too well anymore, organics failing in that one.
>Should have gotten more implants.
>You hear a distant bang of metal.
>Curious, the ship has been totally silent for years, now.
>Perhaps someone is searching the ship for survivors, or scrap.
>Either one will be a release from this torment.
>You activate a homing beacon using what is left of your innards, and start to hit the metal floor that you now lay on.
>On this backwater planet, whoever is looking through the ship might not have anything advanced to pick up your beacon, so you’d rather be sure that they know that someone else is here.
>Then again, the noise you’re making could scare whoever is in the ship away.
>Hopefully anyone who would bother searching through an old ship isn’t a complete coward.
>Soon enough, the distant clangs start getting closer.
>This ship isn’t very large, maybe 200 meters long, and 70 wide.
>A clang is close enough that it sounds like it’s in the same room as you, and a female voice soon accompanies it.
>>27696521
>You only recently discovered this cave, and already it has surpassed all your expectations.
>Its walls, floors, and ceilings are all made of some dark metal that seems to absorb all light.
>The light spell you have hovering around fails to bring about reflections and shadows in the walls.
>As you walk along, your hooves catch on some scrap laying about on the floor and loudly clangs around as it rolls away.
>You hear a distant banging, not like falling debris, but a constant rhythmical banging.
>Maybe there’s someone in here?
>You hastily walk through the strange metal cave, passing several blinking lights and strange rooms that you’ll have to look through later.
>Soon you come to a room with a figure against the wall on the far side of the room from the entrance.
>Your spell illuminates a bipedal figure sitting against the wall, with one of its metal arms banging on the floor, and the other seemingly fused with the wall, along with the rest of its back.
“Hello?”
>The sound of a sharp intake of air causes you to jump, but is soon followed by a voice from the body in the wall.
>”I am here,” it says slowly and quietly.
>You walk a little closer to it and feel a little sick as you see body more clearly.
>It seems to mostly be made of metal, but you can still see some flesh here and there, facial features, some organs, and meat bits.
>The torso is open, eyes are gone, one of its legs is torn to shreds and the other seems fine.
“What’s your name?”
>It goes silent for a moment before another intake of air, followed by a voice coming from somewhere in its body.
>”I am currently, Anonymous.”
“Well, Anonymous, it looks like you need some help.”
>The figure gives a stiff nod, losing some strange material that fuses most of its body to the wall.
“I think we should get you fixed up as soon as possible.”
>Its torso heaves and it sucks in more air.
>”Replacement only option, impossible otherwise.”
>>27696526
“Well, do you know where I can find some replacement parts?”
>”No.”
>You sigh and take a few steps back, trying to step around some more metal parts.
>None of these parts even resemble the limbs on Anonymous.
“Would any of the rooms in this place contain replacement parts?”
>”Possibly,” it says slowly.
>You take some slow steps back into the hallway that you ran down to get into this room.
>How can you fix that thing up?
>You’re Twilight sparkle, you know how to use spells, not fix strange machines.
>Wait… maybe you won’t need parts.
>You walk back into the room with the machine and see it picking at the material holding it against the wall.
“Alright, I think I can get you out of here and then come back here for the parts, I’d rather not leave you unattended.”
>”Very well, if you are sure.”
“Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing.”
>Usually you do…
>You slowly surround Anonymous with magic, figuring out where his body ends and where the wall begins.
>The material fusing him to the wall breaks down as you carefully pulverize it, and lift him gently from his spot, leaving a deep indent on the wall.
“Are you okay?” You say, trying not to break your concentration.
>”Whatever you are doing, do not stop.”
>You chuckle a bit and detach several cables going into Anonymous’s back.
>Carefully, you guide him through a doorway and up the hallway.
>Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all.
>Carrying him all the way back to ponyville will be tough.
>But it will be worth it, you have so many questions to ask him.
>You’ve never seen anything quite like him.
>Soon you bring him all the way out of the mouth of the cave.
“Mind if I put you down? It’s getting hard to concentrate, don’t want to drop you,” you grunt out.
>”Do so slowly, and gently.”
>You follow his instructions as best as you can, slowly putting him up against a tree in roughly the same position that you found him.
>>27696533
>He settles in reasonably well against the tree and you take a seat on the ground in front of him with a few feet between the two of you.
>Despite his ghastly appearance, you can’t help but feel fascinated by him in some way.
>After a few moments of silence, he breaks it.
>”Curious, how did you move me?”
“Well, with magic of course.”
>His head tilts, seemingly in confusion.
>”Magic?”
“Yes, are you not familiar with it?”
>”There is no such thing as… magic.”
>You chuckle some.
“Of course there is, how else could I have moved you?”
>He remains silent, maybe he’s thinking?
“Is there no magic from where you come from?”
>”None.”
>A world without magic?
“What do you have if you don’t have magic?”
>”Advanced technology.”
>You look back at the cave for a moment.
>So, is this even a cave?
“How did you get here?”
>”The ship that I was in.”
>You had a good feeling that was no cave.
>Well, now you feel like you can concentrate a little better, with more questions answered.
“Ready to get going again?”
>Anonymous gives a weak nod.
>Carefully, you envelope him in your magic and gently lift him off the ground.
>Soon you’re making good progress as you float him around, avoiding trees and anything that might hit him.
>Ponyville isn’t too far from here, and you can probably get the others to help you with getting parts back from the ship, maybe fill a wagon with them and you can figure out what goes where in his body.
>You’ve thought about a world without magic, though maybe for a bipedal creature it isn’t so bad, especially one that has hands.
>Maybe he can share his knowledge of technology with you and the other ponies, and tell fascinating stories of another world.
>Telling him about your world should also be fun, he’ll probably be amazed by the capabilities of magic.
>Hopefully he’ll fit into Ponyville well enough.
>>27696545
>As you are gently floating through the air, you have some time to think.
>Magic is apparently real, as someone is currently causing you to levitate.
>Or someone slipped you some powerful drugs and you’re being carried away to be dismantled.
>The lack of pain is a welcome relief, and soon you ought to be fixed up.
>And if no spare parts are found on the ship, your robotics will eventually shut down from lack of charge, and you’ll effectively be in a coma.
>There should be some place to plug in a new optical module, and you’ll be able to study this so called magic.
>You’re probably a complete alien to these beings, and judging by the clearness of the air, this planet likely isn’t very polluted.
>One of the many welcome changes today.
>After a long time of silence, the girl suspending you in the air speaks up.
>”Alright, here we are, Ponyville.”
>Strange name for a town.
>Soon the noise of many voices and steps surrounds you, your audio sensors and your remaining ear pick up some conversations.
>”What is that thing that Twilight has with her?” one voice says.
>”Why would she bring something disgusting like that through the town?”
>Perhaps you can show them that you will do more good than harm.
>After you’re repaired.
>Hopefully you’re not too much of a burden.
>There is no way you couldn’t repay them after the kindness shown to you today.
>Insensitive mockeries die away as the noise changes, more silence until you feel yourself being seated once again.
>The pain returns as weight comes to rest on your back and arms.
>”Well, here we are. Make yourself comfortable while I prepare some things. Once I come back I’ll need you to tell me what I’m looking for.”
>You give a stiff nod and rest on what feels like a stone throne.
>A new voice enters the room, sounding like a young boy.
>”Hey, Twilight, you in here?”
>You twist your head in the direction of the voice.
“I believe she was just here.”
>>27670235
Anon always delivers
>>27696552
And that's all for now. Tell me what you think, what to improve, what you'd like to see.
Or don't.
>>27696560
Well, this is the first story in at least a year that has actually caught my attention long enough for me to read it, besides Durnk's shorts
Take that as you will
>>27696533
This is good
>>27696560
Keep going with cyborg anon
>>27696552
I like it.
>You’re hurt
>Your ribs might be cracked and you think you have a concussion.
>Before you stand Tirek and Discord, laughing triumphantly.
>Behind you lay Twilight and the girls, battered and beaten under their combined power.
>Not even the rainbow power could defeat them.
>In hindsight, banking your entire kingdom on a mysterious power that’s based on the color spectrum was stupid.
>The villains laugh at you on your feet. “Oh what are you going to do, Anonymous? Scream at us?”
>”You hold no power here, boy.” Tirek smoulders.
“I have the greatest power of all in Equestria.”
>Discord pinches his nose. “I swear, if you say “friendship”.
“No, song.”
>You pull your thankfull still working boombox from the rubble of Twilight’s tree home and begin to grove.
Music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XBhQuMS5E9M
“I also have wicked disses.”
>You grab your chest and walk near the two shrugging villains.
“My heart is full of hatred and shame, for your ugly faces and stupid name…”
>You begin to pop and strut around the two,
“Like I said, I hate you cunts,
“What a bunch of stupid runts.”
>”Hey!” shouts Tirek.
“I smack you up then stomp you down, I'll stomp you back to Uglytown.”
“Or maybe I'll kick your fat ass!” you say pointing at Tirek in stunned silence.
>>27699039
>You intertwine your fingers and seductively dance around the area.
“I am Anon…”
“Suuuuuck my dick…”
>Tirek and Discord stare at each other while you prance around before jumping in shock as you get between them.
“Help me out, I have no clue…”
>You turn around to look between the two abominations.
“What the hell gave birth to you?”
>They frown at you, perhaps you touched a sore spot.
>You hold your nose. “You smell rank, like something dead!”
>Before spinning around and pointing a finger at Discord.
“I can't tell your butt from your head!”
>You take three leaping steps to the boombox and pull down your pants.
“Now bend down and kiss my fat ass!”
>”Ass!” Twilight says as she falls to her face, having been trying to help you.
>Tirek and Discord stare at you.
>”What was tha-“
>You kick your stereo over and pull your glock out of your jacket, putting two between each of their eyes.
>The red clouds part so fast you hear the “whoosh” and you swear there’s fanfair in the distance.
>Your award ceremony was great.
>There was a chocolate blowjob machine.
>>27699055
still gud
>>27699055
Jus gonna assume that killing them released all the magic in equestria, Discord reforms as free chaos energy assembles a new form, or goes off like a bomb.
>>27699055
Pic related as advice of Tirek and Discord.
>>27701232
something something ants
>Be Anon.
>Ponies keep going into your kitchen.
>So you put up a baby gate.
>It keeps out most ponies. accept bird horses and Twiggles.
>That's why you have a broom.
>>27702702
>Be Twilight
>Anon keeps hitting you with a broom
>Silly human, brooms aren't food
>You keep pushing, eventually he will understand.
>Then you will have that food.
>Food.
>Food.
>>27702729
I knew that would summon you. How are things?
>>27702739
Could be better.
>>27696552
More when?
>>27702876
Homo
>>27687547
>The green man left hospital that day to continue his search for a job.
>Baking he thought. It's safe and I know I can fucking do that. He thought to himself.
>So he went to Sugarcube Corner.
>"Sure you can work here Nonny, OOOOOOH Why don't you bake a human cake!"
>So Anon went to work. He whisked the eggs, sliced the butter, did flour things with flour.
>And then he added the sugar.
>"Nonny, why are you not putting any sugar in?"
>"But I am Ponk. See?"
>The green faced held up a small cup, a quarter full of sugar.
>"You call that adding sugar!?"
>"Well how much would add?"
>The pink pony hefted up a huge sack of sugar.
>"Ponk, that much sugar would kill me, or at least my pancreas."
>The pony scrunched her snozzle so hard that even lemons thought, Dayum that's sour.
>"We don't take kindly to your type round here."
>And so the green faced man was fired.
>"Stupid ponies, immune to diabeetus, grumble grumble" He muttered.
I will write more this evening.
>>27703631
>Pinkie discovers her friend Anonymous can't eat more than a little sugar
>Decides she's not going to have a cripple for a friend
>Donates her pony pancreas to Anon
>Ponies play surgeon
>Twilight runs off with Anon's original pancreas
>Along with various other bits she found inside him
>If even she doesn't know what they are, they can't be essential, right?
>Pinkie has to forego eating sweets because she now has no pancreas
>It grows back by the start of the next episode because ponies are made of homogeneous marshmallow
>Anon wakes up in a hospital bed
>Wonders why, asks doctor pony
"Why am I in here, doctor?"
>Doctor pony reads his chart, finds Anon just had a transplant.
>"You didn't know why you're here? Goddamnit, this is the third time this month those six have done this. Why can't I just once not have any of my patients be an affront to medical ethics"
>>27703302
Oh snap
>>27703726
>And then he revived his princess check in the mail
>>27704470
The displaced Apelien fund.
>>27705465
>>27705614
Huh.
It's like on super mario 2 where you go in the hawk's mouth at the end of a level.
Here take a tiny pone!
@
HH\
>>27703631
>So Anon went to the pony called rainbow dash.
>"I don't know about this Anon, you can't fly."
>"But I can shoot the clouds down with some sort of gun."
>"What's a gu-on?"
>The green faced man grew still, the world faded from his conscious.
>Vision of firearms flashed before his eyes, ak-47s, M16s, BFGs and Strogg getting gibbed.
>Three weeks later the ponies found him in the Everfree Forest.
>And he was muttering about charlie and killing fitty men
>"Anon, what is a fitty" said a purple pony
>"God damn gooks, controlling weather, tinfoil keeps out the mind rays" He muttered
>>27696231
>>27696225
>You wings carry you through the night sky.
>6 weeks have past.
>Life didn't change much.
>AJ was a lot more busy on the farm lately.
>And none of you were in a good mood ever since.
>The interiors of Anons house were covered in Dust.
>Everything but the desk.
>You slowly descend short outside of the city.
>You walk the last few steps towards a small cottage.
>You take a deep breath before you open the unlocked door.
>With a weary sigh you close it behind you.
>You look around in this unfamiliar place.
>There is a faint shimmer of light that comes from an other a room.
>You take careful, almost slinking steps.
>When you enter it you see the shimmer come from outside, through a open door.
>You hesitate.
>And after a moment you set a hoof in front of the other, not daring to make a sound.
>Your hear voices.
>Gaining in volume with every step you take.
>"...and then," Luna laughs, "she ate the whole Pie!"
>You hear a laugh you don't recognize.
>"Celestia really did?"
>"Yes, and afterwards she didn't leave her room for two whole days!"
>Both of them laugh wholeheartedly, as you stand there.
>Another sigh escapes your lips.
>"Ohh, Anonymous I have to go now."
>"But, why so sudden?"
>"It appears you have a guest."
>You are getting nervous.
>"What? No. What?"
>"I'll take my leave, goodbye."
>"Uhh goodbye, Luna, I guess..."
>An eternity passes as conflicting desires fight withing your chest.
>Your heavy legs unwillingly carry you up the stairs up towards the patio.
>Despite not looking at him you can feel his eyes on you.
>"...you?"
>You poke the ground with your hoof.
>This is so awkward.
>But you got to get this done.
>You close your eyes and take a deep breath.
"I..."
>You hang your head, searching for words.
"I wanted to ask if I," you pause for a moment, "could spend the night with you."
>The end.
>>27706076
![1180605__safe_oc_comic_human_vulgar_food_oc-colon-anon_maud+pie_couch_boulder+(pet)[1].png](https://i.imgur.com/4gBmXLf.png "1180605__safe_oc_comic_human_vulgar_food_oc-colon-anon_maud+pie_couch_boulder+(pet)[1].png")
Music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7kJRGPgvRQ
>You’re teenage Anon hanging with your best teenage friend Spike.
>By which you mean you’re watching porn together.
>You both get your pants off and your hands lubed up.
“Ready for the song, Spike!?”
>”Ready, Anon!”
>You start your stereo.
>It was time to sing the Whack Off Song.
>”You both start. “Whack off! Whack off! Whack off! Whack off! Hey!”
>And now, it was one line each, just like every time you whacked off.
“Whack off, makes your arm stronger!”
>”Whack off, no more feeling bad!”
“Whack off, your eyes are shining!”
>”Whack off, makes you the real man!”
“Whack off, wipes away your tears!”
>”Whack off, removes your fears!”
“Whack off, everyone is gorgeous!
>”Whack off, yeah Whack off!”
>You get your free arms around each other’s shoulders and sing.
“Wanking is good for you, soon you are unconstrained!”
>”Wanking is good for you, makes you a womanizer!”
“Wanking is good for you Not anymore lonesome!”
>”Wanking is good for you, And you will feel awesome!”
>You both cheer. “And you will feel awesome! Hey!”
“Out of respect for nature,”
>”Our whacking and spankers.”
“Promising, that the whacking off”
>”Is only to the greatest porn”
“Like Luna’s big fat flank!”
>You both laugh but keep going.
“Out of respect for nature,”
>”Our whacking and spankers.”
>>27709468
“Whack off, makes your arm stronger!”
>”Whack off, no more feeling bad!”
“Whack off, your eyes are shining!”
>”Whack off, makes you the real man!”
“Whack off, wipes away your tears!”
>”Whack off, removes your fears!”
“Whack off, everyone is gorgeous!
>”Whack off, yeah Whack off!”
>You get your free arms around each other’s shoulders and sing.
“Wanking is good for you, soon you are unconstrained!”
>”Wanking is good for you, makes you a womanizer!”
“Wanking is good for you Not anymore lonesome!”
>”Wanking is good for you, And you will feel awesome!”
>You both cheer once more. “And you will feel awesome!”
>Before the awesome solo can happen, Twilight turns off your stereo.
>You both turn around at the stopping of the music and look at her, sheer terror gripping tight.
>How did she know!? You weren’t being that loud.
>Oh you were gonna get it.
>Seven hours of having to alphabatyze or cleaning the owl’s cage or something.
>You brace for your punishment.
>But all that comes out of Twilight’s mouth before she leaves is “Jerking off together? Y’all zigga’s are gay.”
>…Huh?
>She shuts the door and you and Spike look at each other.
>Your eyes drift downward.
“Whaaaat? Spike, how come you have –two- wieners?”
>No fair.
>>27708567
That Anon is too weak willed. He should have gotten his broom and banished the pone from his couch.
Fucking birdhorses.
Oi
>>27710703
>birdpone mating calls
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjE0Kdfos4Y
>>27711599
Pegasai sitting on Anon's roof yelling, "Get off my lawn!" "Where can I score some weed?" "Twilight, put down the scapulae." "Get your horn out of my ass." and "Stop fucking on my roof."
>>27711599
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOFy8QkNWWs
>>27706686
>"Hey Anon, why are you lying in the middle of the street?"
>The green man in a suit ceased staring into nothing.
>"Because I've no job and I've lost control of my life." He muttered
>"Job troubles eh?"
>The goggle wearing pony sat down next to the green man.
>"You ever try your hoof spiders at music?"
>The faceless man's green face creased in thought, I did play guitar. He thought.
>But Anon was still doubtful, human baking hadn't gone well.
>However he had nothing to lose, so he said "Worth a shot."
>"Cool, you can open for me tonight."
>Anon's face turned a paler shade of green.
>"You what mate?" He whispered but the DJ pony had already gone.
>tfw stuck at work and have story idea.
>Will probably be gone by the time I get home
>>27713035
Leave yourself a note on your phone or something ya mong
>>27707284
yes
>>27709474
still funny
There was a post here some time ago where celestia was going to invade earth to bring friendship to them, and anon convinces them not to because its a bad idea.
anyone know the post or a link to it?
>>27714644
Vaguely, I'll try to remember it
>>27714644
Do you have an author name?
>>27714644
I know exactly what you're talking about, and it featured Anon and Celly traveling to a library and reading up some human history. Unfortunately my history has been deleted recently due to computer problems so I can't help you friend.
>>27715911
He hasn't come back, I think he doesn't care anymore.
>>27713144
I forgot to
>>27716519
No one cares anymore.
Go drink the bleach.
Or not.
Whatever.
>>27717649
Strawberry bleach when
>>27717988
I prefer cranberry apple, but to each his own.
>>27718112
Can I eat one of my pool chlorine tabs instead?
Long story recommendations?
Bored, stuck in downtime.
>>27718917
Steam summer sale.
>>27719149
No thanks.
>>27719301
But you can fill your steam account with games you'll likely only play once if ever.
I miss you AIE.
I miss you so much it hurts.
No one has ever made me feel like you do.
And I don't want it to end ever.
Please come back.
>>27719702
nah
>>27719702
Soon
>>27719584
Have too much of vidja backlog as is.
>>27719702
Calm down nigga, we never left.
>>27713144
I thought this was a simpsons cap at first
>>27720969
They haven't done it?
![large[1].png](https://i.imgur.com/q4u887B.png "large[1].png")
Post cute Muffinhores stories.
>>27721860
I got one later
>>27721860
That ship still makes no sense to me.
>>27722094
DerpyXmy cuddles.
>>27722407
my cuddles?
>>27721860
I'm on it
>>27721860
I'd shill mine, but I am not sure if it's any good. That, and it's the only horsewords I've ever written, the rest of my bin being an archive of stuff another write friend for another general didn't save on theirs.
>>27723198
Nothing of mine was ever good but I still have fun and made a few people laugh now and then.
>>27723269
Fine Anon, for you.
http://pastebin.com/cv6adAct
>>27723362
You're alright bru.
>>27722094
Derpy and Doctor Hooves. How do you not notice the hourglass cutiemark? She's clearly holding a letter from him, and not thinking of you.
>>27723362
>>27723362
Why does no one ever post their green in the thread? It's not like we don't want it here.
Anon if you don't post that shit, I will.
>>27724809
lazy
>>27715610
If I knew that I could look it up
If anyone knows the story from >>27714644 much appreciated, I just cant think of any lines I can search for from it.
>>27715911
Its why I have much of my stuff put backed up with some of the things put in the cloud. backing up bookmarks to mediafire works wonders when shit hits the fan.
>>27723362
That one is an old favorite. We could have more of this.
>>27725922
>>27726441
>>27726902
>Be Anon.
>Ponies think you're retarded for not being able to sing.
>Twilight is extra cunty about it.
>But you don't care. You take advantage of it.
>"ANON, PUT YOUR PENIS AWAY!"
Don't tell me what to do.
>"Where's your handler Anon?"
I don't know.
>You totally know. You left Twilight tied up on her basement after drugging her breakfast.
>You wonder if she has mandatory drug tests due to her being a princess. If so you'll have to start slipping her some meth.
>"Anon, stop touching yourself like that or I'm telling."
Shut up Roseluck, and get back to gardening. I life watching you bent over.
>She blushes and does as you command like a good pone.
>She only screams a little when you money shot her.
>It was a good day.
>>27726972
Stupid sessy Roseluck
>>27727732
With content when
>It's your day off work, so you're doing what you always do.
>Wander ponyville and watch the ponies get their shenan on! Again!
>You have alot of days off work. But you're paid well enough you can afford it.
>Few dare to gather rare herbs from the depths of the Everfree.
>But you does! Dares! Do!
>The creatures that live there are no match for you.
>It's not that you're super strong, or magic or invincible.
>Well you're moderately resistant to magic but other than that you're the equal of a fit healthy earth pony.
>You do have one advantage though. You're human.
>And that means you're capable of viciousness, violence and cunning that equestrian lifeforms can't match.
>Manticores and timberwolves expect things to run FROM them, not run AT them with a spear.
>Though to be honest you could defeat most things in the Everfree without channeling your inner caveman
>Bapping them on the nose with a rolled up newspaper would do.
>But enough reminiscing. Time to catch up on the town gossip. You wonder where Rarity is.
>Wait is that rainbow outside the school? And who the hell is the Browny McFrownerson with her?
>"Hey Dash!"
>"Oh hey Anon, can't stop to talk, gotta alot of stuff to do."
>She looks back at frowny brown.
>"Professional stuff."
>"Oookay but before you go, what are you doing at the school."
>"Just talking to the fillies and foals about carrying our AWESOME flag at the Equestria Games!"
>Browny Frown coughs loudly
>"Sorry Anon, gotta go!"
>Equestria games eh?
>>27728359
>-----One interminable lecture from Twilight later-----
>So you've worked out that the Equestria games is basically pony olympics
>And that browny frown is the head of some organising committee
>"Well thanks for answering all my questions with that very, very, very detailed lecture Twilight"
>"You're welcome Anon, I'm always glad to teach you more about Equestria!"
>Twilight again proves that ponies will never understand sarcasm.
>"Twilight, could I enter the games as an athlete?"
>Could be fun. Also you've got to teach these ponies to make way for the Homo Superior.
>Twilight however looks very nervous, she's looking everywhere but at you.
>"I- I don't think that's a good idea Anon. The games are, well designed for quadrupeds, not bipeds. And you can't fly or use magic either."
>Bullshit. Racist Equestrians won't keep you out of their games because you're a biped. Triped for the ladies.
>You'll take this shit to the Princesses! Real princesses who live in castles and shit!
>You get up and march towards the door.
>"Anon, where are you going?"
>"You'll see Twilight. You'll all see."
>That sounded way more sinister than it was supposed to.
>0900.....
>Anon to Base. The Purple Book has left the Shelf. The Purple Book has left the shelf.
>Base to Anon. Operation: DragonFire is a go.
>Sneaking into the library through an open window, you now stand in the middle of the room.
>Now to secure the package for the next stage of your master plan.
>"SPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"
>"I'm right here Anon."
>The package is standing right next to you.
>"How long have you been there?"
>"Since you started climbing through the kitchen window." He says with a grin.
>Damn smug dragonling grumble grumble.
>"Spike, take a letter. This one's going right to the princesses. EXPRESS DELIVERY!"
>"Okaaay."
>"Dear Princess Sunbutt and Princess Moonbutt....."
>>27728364
>"Sister, thou called us. We hear there be a letter to us?"
>"Indeed. It's from Anon. He wishes to compete in the Games this year."
>"We see no problem with this. Why wouldst Anon write to us on this matter?"
>"Apparently Twilight tried to discourage him and now he wants to enter as a one pony.. ahem one man team."
>"Why would thine student discourage somepony for wishing to prove their might in honorable competition?"
>"I'm inclined to agree with Twilight, Luna. The events at the Games aren't designed for someone like Anon. He will only end up embarrassing himself."
>"We think thou underestimate Anon. In fact, we name him our Champion for the Games. Would thou care to pit thine own against mine?"
>"I don't have one Luna. But I will make a wager if you like."
>"Very well Sister. If our Champion wins at least 7 medals of any kind thou must give up thine cakes for a month!"
>"And if he fails you have to wear socks to the next Royal Court after the Games."
>"TIS AGREED!"
>"Inside voice sister."
>>27728372
>-----One Day Later-----
>You're officially a competing athlete. By royal Proclamation too.
>Now you've got to prepare. You'll show those confounded ponies what's what.
>And the princesses sent you a list of events too. Ok, what can you actually compete in?
>Aerial Relay. Nope, only one man
>Aerial Sprint. With a little human ingenuity perhaps.
>Ice Archery. Ha ponies don't know you're descended from the green archer, Robin Hood. Inside your mind.
>Apple-Bucking? Not even gonna touch that one
>Wrestling. I'm the tower of power, to sweet to be sour, funky like a monkey, OOOOOH YEAH!
>Swimming. In the bag, not even sure ponies can swim.
>Tae-hoof-do. Yeah sure, I watched karate kid. I'll wax their shit.
>Figure Skating. Gay
>Figure Flying. Gayer?
>Javelin. How would a pony even throw a spear?
>Sprint. As long as there's no zebra's I can take it.
>Marathon. Fucking zebra's better not be like kenyans.
>Qualifiers in a month. Oh man, you can't waste time.
>"TO THE TRAIN STATION!"
>"Anon who are you talking to?"
>"Oh. Spike. You're still here?"
>-----The next day in Saddle Arabia-----
>"Come! Come my Friend! I have special price just for you!"
>The pony in the sand covered robe waves you inside.
>"So you got the stuff I asked for Horssan?"
>"Yes, yes. Come my friend. Is just there."
>Indeed it is. Four big ass pots of black, gloopy bullshit.
>And more importantly the key to one of your future victories
>"Crazy Horssan's prices are crazy. But I am wondering. Why would my friend be crazy enough to pay so much for useless black slime?"
>"Far from useless Horssan. Far from useless. Hehahahaha! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
http://pastebin.com/bE32yUhX
More later.
crosspostan
>Be horse in horsequestria
>A horse comes up to you
>"Neigh."
>How forward!
"Neigh?"
>"Neigh neigh."
>You stab her with your long razor sharp talons
>Her intestines fall out
>"Neigh?"
>You pull the horse mask off
"SKRAW!"
>>27728556
Durnk, I think you're a little TOO durnk. Go to sleep.
>>27729055
but durnk is never too durnk.
unless he dies of alcohol poisoning, then he actually is way too durnk.
>>27729123
Durnk's liver is so strong it's impossible for him to die of alcohol poisoning.
Also if he dies all the greentext generals would probably implode and kill themselves. He's a staple at this point; he can't die.
crospostan withdrawl symptoms
>>27729083
>Be Anon in Equestria
>You try to do some calculus, cuz bitches can't resist those derivatives
>It doesn't work
>The numbers just won't fit together
>Try some basic block transfer equations
>Those don't work either
>No math you try using works
>Without mathematics to back it up, physics falls apart too
>You need physics to breathe!
>You start suffocating, until biology falls apart without either physics of maths to support it
>Now you can't even suffocate!
>The interaction of the matter of your body and the new physical laws of this universe results in a gigantic golden glowing asscrack being torn into space itself
>Which then is annihilated in a pooclear explosion
>You don't even sit in the shattered remnants of the universe
>There isn't enough of either for sitting to occur
>You're not sure how you're even thinking or experiencing things at this point
>You'll just chalk it up to psychology being a soft science, far less backed up by underlying disciplines
>You are then arrested for causing far too much silliness, and for being dead
>Eventually after much counseling, you become a functioning member of society
>No more being dead or breaking the universe for you.
>Generic end.
>>27728379
>>27729176
We got that in common it seemds
>tfw never skippingc liver training day
I had an idea for a story but I bet it's been done to death already (I say 'bet' cuz I haven't read many greentexts so I don't actually know, but odds are fuck you)
Anyway I'm sure my complete lack of understanding on the subject will produce a complete reproduction of every story like it, all tropes included.
Would anyone like me to attempt to write a bit to see what you think?
>>27699039
>>27699055
>>27709468
>>27709474
I see your musical reposts and raise you another.
>Day fuck Anon you’re in Equestria and you know it
>”It came from over here”
>Oh shit they’re coming. There’s purple horse leading the way
>Only one thing to do, mess with the pone
>You sit in the grass and vacantly look out into the distance
>All six make it to you and after a few minutes dare to approach
>You just keep looking dumb
>”I’ve never read about anything like this before”
>”What do you suppose it is?”
>”I don’t know, but it doesn’t seem too smart.”
>”Dash, that’s not nice. The poor thing is probably scared stiff.”
>Hehe, stiff
>”C-can I take it home?”
>”Of course not, it needs to be properly studied. To the laboratory!”
>After a bit of a struggle, they managed to get you Twilight’s house
>This basement sure hasn’t been used in a while, they had to have a cleaning montage before the tests started
>Your visage remains pure
>Pure retarded
>Eventually the others left and it was just you and a growingly frustrated Twilicorn
>”Come on, you at least need to eat, or drink, or ANYTHING. What point is there having limbs if you just sit there all day?”
>”Maybe Rainbow was right.”
>Twilight turns off the random machinery and heads upstairs
>”I need a break.”
>Showtime.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRWlbX92B3I&feature=youtu.be&t=9
“HELLO MY BABY, HELLO MY HONEY, HELLO MY RAGTIME GAL!”
>She rushes to the door
“SEND ME A KISS BY WIRE, BABY MY HEARTS ON FIRE”
>With cane and tophat you dance while she stares
“IF YOU REFUSE ME, HONEY YOU’LL LOSE ME, THEN YOU’LL BE LEFT ALONE”
>You hear her shouting as she zips through the house
“OH BABY, TELEPHONE AND TELL ME I’M YOUR OWN”
(1/4)
>>27730714
>You resume your dead eyed gaze when Twilight comes rushing back with Spike
>”It’s amazing, Spike! It sings and dances and everything!”
>Her enthusiasm crashes when she sees you sitting still
>Spike is less than impressed
>”Singing and dancing huh? Hey, that’s my hat!”
>He swipes the tophat off of your head and you remain stiff as a rock
>He’ll get his eventually
>”It was singing I swear! Come on, dance again. You can do it.”
>She lifts your lifeless body in the air with her magic, and makes you kick and do jazz hands
>”Sure it did, and I’m a wonderbolt. I’m going back upstairs.”
>”You gotta believe me!”
>Spike shuts the door behind him
>Twilight is giving you a harsh glare
>”I don’t know what you’re trying to pull, but I’m on to you.”
>THE NEXT DAY
>A frazzled Twilight slams the door to the Carrousel Boutique open
>She drags your uncooperative body in and sets you on the floor
>You still wear the same expression
>”I can’t take it anymore. Rarity, watch whatever this is for me while I go make sure I’m not crazy”
>”A hello would be nice”
>”Hello”
>Twilight practically rips the door shut as she leaves
>”My, she is most certainly worked up over something”
>It begins
>”Well, I really need to get this work done. I’ll just dump you on the girls.”
>”Oh, Sweetie Belle!”
>Sweetie Belle, Applebloom, and Scootaloo show up at Rarity’s beck and call
>”I found a new friend for you to play with. Now you play nice while I get to work.”
>”I’m dumb enough to fall for this”
>”Me too”
>”And I’m an orphan”
>Better than expected
(2/4)
>>27730691
Care less and post what you want.
>>27730724
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jItz-uNjoZA
>Rarity stands alone in her inspiration room
>Endless possibilities dazzle through her head as she examines the blank ponniquins
“I LOVE LITTLE GIRLS THEY MAKE ME FEEL SO GOOD”
>And her happy little thought bubble is now gone
“I LOVE LITTLE GIRLS THEY MAKE ME FEEL SO BAD”
>”What what what?!”
>She tries to get out of the room but first has to undo all of the Sweetie prevention locks
“WHEN THEY’RE AROUND THEY MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I’M THE ONLY GUY IN TOWN”
>Bolting in the most unladylike manner, she makes for where you and the girls are
“I LOVE LITTLE GIRLS THEY MAKE ME FEEL SO GOOD”
>Arriving just after the last line, she finds the girls coloring and you not having moved an inch
>”Girls, was…was that you singing?”
>”Singing?”
>”I’m not allowed to sing”
>“And I’m an orphan”
>”That’s nice. So no singing? Not even a little?”
>All three just shake their head
>”Then who was?”
>They point to you
>Rarity walks over to examine you closely
>”Hmmm. I don’t know if you can hear me or not, but understand there is to be no singing about loving little girls in this house, understood?”
>Her wallpaper is tacky
>”Good”
>Marching back to her sanctuary you hear the multitude of seals lock in place
>You wait until you hear the sound of sewing
“THEY DON’T CARE IF I’M A ONE WAY MIRROR, THEY’RE NOT FRIEGHTENED BY MY COLD EXTERIOR”
>Locks open
“THEY DON’T ASK ME QUESTIONS, THEY DON’T WANT TO SCOLD ME”
>Hooves clatter
“THEY DON’T LOOK FOR ANSWERS, THEY JUST WANT TO HOLD ME”
>And stop
>Rarity looks to the crusaders, then to you, then back to the crusaders
>They continue on as if nothing was out of the ordinary
>A strand of hair shoots out of place in Rarity’s mane
>She walks back to her room
(3/4)
>>27730743
“ISN’T THIS FUN”
>The sewing machine gets louder
“ISN’T THIS WHAT LIFE’S ALL ABOUT”
>Who knew they had adjustable volume
“ISN’T THIS A DREAM COME TRUE”
>There were no locks opening this time
>”ISN’T THIS A NIGHTMARE TOOOOOOO”
>Just the sound of a broken door
>”WHOEVER THAT IS STOP THAT!”
>”It’s not us.”
>”DON’T YOU POINT TO THAT…THAT…THING! THERE’S SOMEPONY HIDING SOMEWHERE! WHERE ARE THEY?”
>She absolutely tears through the shop
>Her search comes up empty causing her to focus her search outside
“THEY DON’T CARE ABOUT MY INCLINATIONS, THEY’RE NOT FRIEGHTENED BY MY REVELATIONS”
>”I’VE HAD IT!”
>You are unceremoniously dropped on Twilight’s doorstep by a storming Rarity
>She could really use a trip to the spa
>Those split ends are killer
(4/4)
>>27730737
k thanks I'll try it out later
Derpy stories always end up being the best
>>27730756
I love it more please
>>27730908Sorry in advance
>>27731610
Damn
>>27731610
;_;
>>27730714
>>27730724
>>27730743
>>27730756
Anon is the best troll.
crosspostan
>>27732651
>Mask
>Anon arrives in Equestria
>Pinkie meets him
>"Such a pure and delicate creature, like a fresh cinnamon bun"
"U wot m8?"
>Pinkie gives Anon a mask
>"Wear this."
>Anon looks at both the pink pony and her mask skeptically
"Rad, free Luchadore mask!"
>Anon takes the mask
>Pinkie is now wearing another mask, just like the one she gave to Anon
>"LUCHA LUCHA MI HOMBRE ES HORA"
>Anon puts on the mask
>The duo begin wrestling
>They are evenly matched and decide to team up against the world
>"COOPERACIÓN ALEGRE"
"SPANISH WORDS"
>The world was doomed.
>>27732821
You're a treasure to the write threads, Drunk.
>>27730756
Please sir may i have some more.
>>27733740
crosspostan
>>27734026
Oh, I like this.
>Anon turns all the mares in equestria homo
>Pony hangs out with Anon
>Assumes Anon is a human mare because of how Anon acts
>Notices strange feelings towards Anon
>Secret shame is secret
>After a while they accept they are now a raging dyke
>Anon is just having fun with pony pals
>Anon is now lusted over by all of Equestria
>No mare is straight anymore
>They want dat hot ayylmao booty
>Carpet sales are at an all time high
>But it all changed when the fir-
>When Anon is confirmed to be male
>At a public event his pants come off and everyone sees his donger
>Mares rejoice at no longer being carpetmuchers
>Carpet sales plummet
>National holiday is declared to celebrate national dehomofication
>Just as all the mares have their guard down, a new threat emerges
>Stallions still want that ayy
>Female homogay is replaced by the male variant
>Horse wang drought ensues
>Day of celebration becomes one of mourning
>Anon remains unaware of all of this through completely reasonable reasons
>Probably too busy playan vidya and watchan animoos with pony pals to care about the news or some shit like that
>"Anon, stop pretending to be mentally handicapped. You're not fooling anypony."
>>27735344
Still waiting
>>27735612
It'll be a long time.
>>27735862
It's ok.
>>27728379
>-----One month later-----
>Rainbow Falls is way too much like Candyland. Even for this dimension. All that's missing is the Chocolate Brick Road.
>"YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"
>"HEY BULK"
>Can't see /fit/pony incarnate but you did expect someone like him to be here.
>You managed to skip most of the other Qualifiers, Royal Dispensation fuckers. But no dice on the flying for obvious reasons.
>Time to register, kick ass and take names. You're going to show these ponies the Glory of Olympus
>"Name and team please."
>"Anonymous. The Glorious Free Republic of 4chanistan."
>"The qualifier for aerial sprint is in 6 hours. Cutting it kind of short there ain't ya."
>The pony with the clipboard finally looks up at you.
>"HEY! You don't have wings!"
>Awww, the pony thinks you aren't prepared.
>"Humans don't fly like ponies do."
>The little pony looks at you skeptically but waves you in.
>"Anon? What are you doing here?"
>"Twilight. I'm here to compete."
>"COMPETE?!"
>You chuckle and walk away leaving the purple pone spluttering with confusion.
>-----6 hours later at the starting line-----
>"YAY NONNY!"
>My god. Pinkie dressed as a cheerleader. You're honestly not sure whether to get a boner or have a heart attack.
>"Hey Pinkie, you guys come to cheer me on?"
>"Yepper-roonie"
>"Ah'm more interested in seein ya fly sugarcube."
>"Yeah Anon. How could you not tell me you can fly? I could have taught you some totally awesome moves."
>"Erm... Anon.. What's that big thing on your back? If you don't mind me asking...."
>"ON YOUR MARKS!"
>You pull your best heroic pose and hit the big red button on your chest.
>Two huge steel grey wings shoot out of your jetpack. Ponies leap back in surprise.
>"To infinity."
>"READY!"
>"AND BEYOND!"
>"GO!"
>*BOOOMFWOOOOOOSSSHHHH*
>Who knew a limited knowledge of engineering and the cartoon physics of this world could let you build a working jetpack.
http://pastebin.com/bE32yUhX
>>27732423
>>27731698
I'll try to get something done tomorrow when I can escape from Working in this weather.
>>27734456
Unf, reading
>>27735081
>Merely pretending.
New episode dates yet?
>>27736193
I really wish this story updated more often...
>>27736193
This is good. You should keep writing.
Since the thread I started posting this in is pretty much dead, mind if I drop what I've got written of my PiE story?
>>27739853
Go for it, PiE is always welcome.
>>27739881
Well, it's more DiE. But still, should work.
>Your name is Anonymous.
>You've lived a pretty successful life so far.
>Graduated University, licensed engineer, and a nice house on 52 acres of land.
>It's surprising how you've made it this far.
>Seriously. The first half of your high school years were terrible. Could hardly get anything higher than c's and b's.
>Good thing you picked yourself back up for the second half, or you'd probably be living the trailer life in some backwater town.
>The fact that you got that scholarship still amazes you to this day.
>Even though you've done so much in life, you still waste your time on 4chan, browsing /mlp/.
>How did you even get into the show?
>It's been so long, you can hardly remember.
>Turning to your computer, a quick google search reminds you.
>Those threads on /b/, and /co/.
>You cringe inside as you remember the autism of the early days.
>Ugh. It still hurts.
>You push that thought aside, and look back to your computer.
>You've just opened a thread, a prompt you skimmed past months ago that just reappeared.
>Looking it over, it simply states two options.
>You could go to Equestria, the land of promise, but at the cost of being a total cuck. All of its inhabitants would have no genitals whatsoever, and any attempt to engage in sexual activities would result in immediate banishment from Equestria.
>Or, your favorite character, your waifu, whatever you'd want to call it, could be transported from their world into yours.
>(S)he would be cold, bruised, and in need of care, but in time they would warm up to you. (S)he would have no idea why they were brought here, but you could tell him/her if you so chose to.
>The catch?
>Nobody besides you must ever know of her existence. Failure to stay true to this would result in your guest being ripped from your world, and returned to theirs.
>Normally you wouldn't post in threads like these since the recent Scruffening 2.0, but this thread has been up for a while now.
>>27739896
>Who would you pick, and what option, though?
>You never went crazy over a certain character in particular.
>Well not until recently.
>Ever since they aired that episode, 'Gauntlet of Fire', there's been a certain character you just fucking adore.
>Princess Ember.
>There's just something about her character you just can't get over.
>Her tsundere attitude, her looks...
>Hell, everything about her is amazing.
>But what option would you pick?
>Surely there wouldn't be any point in option one, unless you want to be friendzoned for eternity.
>Option two it is then.
>Pulling up the post form, you list that you'd take Ember with option two.
>A second later, the post is in the thread, joining the hundreds of others.
>Well gee, that sure got the stimulators pumping.
>Welp, off to the catalog.
>You click off the tab and return to the catalog.
>Twenty minutes of faggotry later, the power goes out.
>Everything.
"What the fuck?"
>You turn around in your chair, looking around the room.
>You can't see.
>Well, faggot, this is what happens when you shitpost at night.
>You pull your lighter from your pocket to try and illuminate your surroundings.
>Nothing out of the ordinary.
>You've got a flashlight in the kitchen, so it would make sense to head there.
>With a combination of feeling your way and the lighter, you make it to the kitchen.
>Opening one of the drawers, you grab the flashlight, and put the lighter away.
>You scan the room once more.
>Again, nothing out of the ordinary.
>Maybe you should check the brea-
>In an instant the house is bathed in a show of light and chaos as all of the light begin to flicker wildly, and all of the appliances turn on, causing certain objects to shake and fall.
