Previous thread: >>27519796
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Old CrazyRain's Stories' Archives:
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But if I'm in the kitchen I can't bring her more beer.
>>27544684
>mfw it's not dong ring
What the fuck happened with the last thread? I go to bed and we become some edge dumping ground?
>>27544785
Summer. Summer is happening.
>>27544785
Strict parent = edge
You're all up past your bedtime. That's what's happening
>>27544801
Did you miss the part when Twilight magically altered his memories?
Unless you choose to cut it out, it is, indeed, vary dark
>>27544810
>TFW going to bed does not impede your posting ability
>>27544801
You keep your face in the previous thread.
>>27544800
Bluh. I knew it was coming, but bluh all the same.
>>27544801
There was a good deal more in that last thread than strict parenting. You're misrepresenting the bullshit that was being peddled.
>>27544801
To quote >>27544835:
>That's the thing. If this was just a strict parent and their kid it would be fine.
>But Anon is a full-grown adult. It becomes less strict parenting and more domestic abuse.
>Twilight decides what he eats, who he's friends with, what his hobbies are, and what he isn't or is allowed to do. You even have her changing his NAME because she doesn't think it's colty enough.
>Reverse the genders for a moment and you have a woman in a toxic relationship with a control freak of a man who wants to dictate every aspect of her life.
Edge-Anon, remove the throngs of sailors from around your computer before trying again. Maybe don't try and write stories around men on shore leave.
>>27544878
While those are bad, they are all utterly inconsequential compared to invading his mind and taking his memories.
Mind-rape is a far too generous term, comparing a physical assault with a violation of your very mind, that which is who you are.
>>27544901
No, no, no. Shut up, Durnk. Hasn't your mom or dad ever violated the sanctity of your mind because you mouthed off to them? Jeez, it's like you've never had strict parents.
Wew lads, this is enough of this. Let's go back to shitposting about dong rings and politics.
>>27544935
>This
I think Princess Celestia is finally going to lose an election, Dong Ring has some really good policies.
Who could turn down the "Pics of the human's penis with each tax return" bill she's promising?
>>27544914
You may poke fun at Ms. Strict Parents all you want, but that's literally 40s-50s America. Edge or no edge, call it whatever you will.
>>27544973
>>literally 40s-50s America
Sure thing, Edge-Anon.
can we go back to twi being a painfully adorable spaghettimancer?
>>27544400
Ignore the cunts and write it anyway.
And ignore BNW, I found nothing he's written to be memorable except all the things I didn't like, that's telling of his work enough.
>>27544935
Only liquid love can help us now.
>>27544973
Why don't you go to SiM?
>>27544982
Did she OD?
>>27544980
>I found nothing he's written to be memorable except all the things I didn't like
Opinions officially discarded.
Genius idea: "Write an idea that everyone who reads it hates. Having good ideas means you lose."
>>27544978
Indeed it is. That's why if we are pushing "50's Murics gender roles", "50's Murica lobotomies" are just as fair.
>>27544990
What am *I* supposed to do there?
>>27544990
Please direct edge posters to the slavery thread, SiM is for BDSM fetishes and NMM waifu posting now, not edge.
>>27545012
Turn the story so it's Anon mind fuc-- I mean parenting strictly the ponies and the people there will love it.
>>27545024
My mistake.
>>27545004
Both Daring Douche's are garbage, Cowtipping was boring, and the rest of his stuff is only good till you forget about it 10 minutes after you're done fapping or reading it.
>>27545004
>Write an idea that everyone who reads it hates. Having good ideas means you lose>1ce upon a thyme, their was a buk hors called Twiglet Spelunker
>"Anon I want u 2 gargle my chainsaw-horn-cock"
"kno u"
>Than sidhe raaaped him
XXX fanx guys i suk @ writing LOL
>>27545037
>"Anon stop!"
"No! I'm being a dad!"
>Anon proceeds to shove a nail up through a pony's nose and into their brain.
>>27544959
I heard Luna is working on a policy where any tax return filed at night gets a voucher for one night in the dream world with her to do anything.she'll even let you hold her hoof and rub her chest fluff.
>>27545037
You are talking to the wrong person...
>>27545066
Well the right person can read the post and ponder on it.
>>27545082
The right... man in the wrong.. puhlace kan make AH-AL the difff...erence.... in the world.
>>27545082
ok anon
>>27545104
Don't you go all Rusky on me.
>>27545047
This isn't china you know. Chis chan's bedroom repels china naturally.
Alright, so, trying to sum up from that idea/prompt a little while ago:
Ancient Anon is somehow in every race's mythos as *something*. Correct me if I'm wrong, but we have so far:
Changelings: Creator-god
Gryphons: Craftsmith-god, bred with ancient gryphonness, all great craftsbirds claim lineage from that line
Diamond Dogs: Master-god has returned to lead us into a glorious future
Minotaurs: Hermaphrodite god/dess of Feasting, Fighting and Fucking
Deer: Something about Anon being a predator shadow-god
Pones: Unknown
Zeebs: Unknown
Buffalo: Who cares
Is this about right, or what am I missing?
>>27545120
Saddle-Ayyrabians?
>>27545112
Dream on
>>27544973
>Ms. Strict Parents
>parents
>not spouse.
It's like you think that people brainwashing their spouses is the same thing as parenting and children.
You keep insisting the same invalid shit over and over again like there's something in your brain that can't process what people are saying to you.
Selfish bastard. Why don't you give that extra chromosome to some poor child who needs it?
>>27545123
Were they already mentioned? I'm just trying to go off of what has already been written.
>>27545131
Are mules the social equivalent of mixed-race children? We already have ziggers, so the filthy mules can't be the niggers of Equestria.
>>27545156
Holy shit, you stupid fuck! What's your problem with me? What, you disagree that magically wiping someone's mind is roughly equivalent to a lobotomy?
>>27545165
If zebras are niggers, then what if donkeys are spics?
>>27545120
yaks
>>27545041
>Getting this salty
Tabletop please
>>27544684
>>27545262
>>27544980
Samefaging this hard
>>27545265
>>27544745
Relieved Twilight is adorable.
>>27545253
What were yaks again? I mean, so far my oneshit just has minos and dogs with pones scrunching in the background, so... this doesn't need to turn into a multi-part epic.
>>27545257
>>27545281
Two retards for the price of one, what a shitty deal.
>>27545416
Just what the fuck did you prove?
>>27545405
http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/Prince_Rutherford
>>27545405
To the yaks anon was the God of death and duty the last of the gods
>>27545416
You're killing my garden with this much salt
God Anon continues in Zebrica. Not the most RGRE one but we'll get back on track with that when we visit Saddle Arabia next.
Zebra
>"Come closer apprentice, if practice voodoo you must. Then you must learn of loa in which you'll trust."
>"I will speak of Baron Anonedi, a spirit you would not want to see."
>"Departing souls are his charge, he ferries them to the underworld on his barge."
>"At full moon, he walks among the graves. You might catch a glimpse of him if you are brave."
>-------10000 years ago--------
>A man in robes wanders a graveyard making spooky noises.
>I feel like an ass, he thinks. But it's worth it.
>He couldn't deal with anymore weirdness, so he hatched a cunning plan.
>He moved far away and built his home near a graveyard.
>He plays the part of a ghostly spirit, in hope it will keep annoying creatures at bay.
>"WOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He says, while waving his arms about.
>Yeah this shit is haunted, he thinks. Stay the fuck away.
>-------Present Day---------
>"If his favor you seek, for spells and hexes you wish to speak."
>"Make an offering at the graves, and about his aid you'll surely rave."
>-------10000 years ago--------
>An annoyed man back his bags
>"God damn it" he grumbles.
>Last night he went out to spook around but he didn't like what he found.
>Zebra's worshiping an effigy. Of him.
>Chanting spells and rhyming words. Leaving offerings in the dirt.
>"To hell with civilization." He mutters.
http://pastebin.com/9G2Xx8Ar
>>27545123
They aren't a real species
>>27545500
Nah, you're good. Mind if I do a present-day Anon oneshit based on this? That idea was kicked around last couple of threads.
>>27544980
I don't think this thread is right for you, might I suggest you find a new place to shitpost.
>>27545551
Post was deleted. Idea was what?
>>27544684
>Anon is in an abusive relationship with a mare
>She beats him
>He goes to the Anon shelter for abused Anons
>>27545556
I was responding to He-Anon. Basically, I'm gon' bastardize his idea, and wondered if he wanted a safeword.
>>27545049
I might write something with this later, thanks for the idea.
>>27544684
>Vinyl talking
>Even though it is heavily implied that she is mute
>>27545584
Who are you quoting?
>>27545584
It is also heavily implied that you are a faggot.
>>27545584
Whatever.
>>27545568
No.No.No.
>>27545616made you look lol
>>27545551
Yeah. Go for it. It's not like I'm going to hunt you down and piss on your keyboard for using an idea.
Durnk, did you get into the reverse-trap thread by accident, when ctrl-f'ing "reverse"?
Forgive the rant; I'll spoiler it.Get the fuck over it, Edge-Anon. No-one here likes your magical-lobotomy idea. Nobody thinks that ruining Anon and going so far as to steal his name/remove his identity is anywhere NEAR what you consider a "strict parent". You're surrounded by people who are telling you that you story sucks. Let's look at what you have to say to defend your story:
>>27544507
All I'm hearing from your response to BNW dropping your fic is that you're angry that he's voicing his disapproval. You don't try to defend your idea at all; instead you focus on the fact that someone DARES share an opinion that you don't like.
>>27544709
And now you're back again. You backpedal by trying to compare Twilight's actions to "parents trying to make sure the bad influences are away from him".
Good parents do not constantly spy on their child, make them play with friends that the parent approves of, take away food their child can enjoy (or in the context of your story, foods that Anon can eat and digest), take away their child's utensils because the kid had an accident while shaving, control what he reads and sees and takes away his "guilty pleasures". And for what reason? "I knows what's best for you better then[sic] you do"
That's inhumane, Edge-Anon. That's the sort of parent who will never see their kid ever again. Maybe the courts will take the child away, or maybe the poor bastard will put up with it until he's 18 and he moves out, never to willingly contact his parents ever again.
"Jesus, we have been immersed into ponies are marshmallows for so long that a strict parent is now grimdark."
That's the closest we get to you justifying or defending your ideas, pal. It would be different here in RGRE if you actually bothered to explain your ideas, but you instantly took personal offence and responded like we called your mother a fat whore. That's why nobody likes you or your shit.
Looks like summer is finally here.
>>27545677
Eagerly awaiting the prophecy of House Stark to come true. "Winter is Coming"
>>27545677
What makes you say that?
All I see here is a thread full of pussies made soft by modern SJW society, you people are an example of why the left is wrong about not beating your kids.
>>27545696
The thread is three hours old and is already about 70+ shitposts, that means 90% of this thread is garbage.
but where are the ponies
>>27545665I go where I choose, I write what I pleaseBoyish chicks are kinda hot
>>27545695
>"Winter is coming"
>Anon builds a wall to keep the pegasi from dumping snow on his property
"Feck off with yer winter!"
>>27545465
I like you.
>>27545665
Poor Butters.
>>27545568
>Anon is in an abusive relationship with a mare
>She beats him
>Silly marshmallow pones can't into violence tho
>He doesn't really feel anything
>She hits him too hard and hurts her hoof
>Anon cuddles her and kisses it better
>>27545751
Coming to give you bear hugs.
>>27545792
Must be StrongFilly's mom
>>27545792
>>27545826
>LaPanon hires Strongfilly and Strongmommy to advertise his gym
>"Anon's Gym will turn you into a mare!"
>Strongfilly juggles dumbbells while her mom benches several beautiful stallions
>Something something whimsy
>You are Luna, a mare of many names and titles.
>You're so old that you've stopped using ancient titles earned from forgotten civilizations.
>You're old enough that you've even forgotten some of those honourables through simple misuse.
>Nopony knew what a "Zahg-phir" was, nor why you were one. Why use it?
>A few thousand years ago, you were known by Pegasi as "Asteria"; goddess of nocturnal oracles and the stars..
>In the decades approaching your inevitable corruption, several remote Zebra tribes worshipped your image and in hushed whispers called you Achlys, primordial goddess of eternal night, misery and sorrow.Thanks, Wikipedia.
>Now?
>You are just Luna: Princess of Equestria.
>You don't have to overlook sacrifices of feathers or horns any more.
>You don't have to command ritual dancing for a favourable moon in the springtime.
>Most unfortunately, you aren't aloud to host a week-long earth-pony orgy in the caves below the Castle.
>Stupid sister.
>Nobody parties better than the earth-ponies.
>Speaking of your sister, she's given you a task to complete.
>She certainly didn't give you an order; your sister is too kind to command her own blood.
>But after everything you've put her through, you treat the few requests she makes of you as such.
>She wants you to peer into the dreams of a creature called "Anonymous"; some colt who popped in through a portal your sister created when she discreetly tried to steal cake from the royal kitchens.
>>27545977
>In all honesty, you stopped listening after she mentioned that Anonymous was a "he".
>Like you said; you're old.
>You've seen gender dominance flip back and forth between female and male countless times.
>Unfortunately, you're sheath-deep in a mare-dominated society.
>That means that the stallions with the delicious-smelling genitals are about as docile and strong-willed as kittens.
>No orgies for you; at least not for another three or four centuries.
>Your job is this: go into Anonymous' dreams and see if he's a threat.
>Apparently, the colt injured some guardsmares when he tried to escape, post-summoning.
>Pfft.
>He probably squirmed and flailed in panic and accidentally slapped a guard who got too close to him.
>However, your sister requested that you do this for her; and so you will.
>Anonymous' dream is easy to find in the dreamscape; it's an island of purple in a sea of blue pony dreams.
>Your plan is simple: Infiltrate his dream (mentally preparing yourself for all the pink you're bound to encounter), watch him until he wakes up, and then report back to your sister.
>You can take advantage of the average dreamer's ability to ignore whatever isn't important.
>As long as you stay in the background, Anonymous could be staring right at you and he won't even notice that you're there.
>In you go!
>You wake up several hours later.
>You're dehydrated, your bedsheets are soaked, and you can't feel your hind legs.
>.......
>You should probably investigate this matter personally.
>Maybe a week-long trip to the home of Anonymous will be in order.
>All you need to do is to send a warning to your sister's student over in Ponyville and tell her to ignore any moaning she hears from Anonymous' house.
>Th-those are just the noises that happen when you investigate things.
>>27545698
(You)
>>27545986
More?
>>27546311
agreed. we need more Luna stuff
>>27545616
>>27545624
the 12 year olds are back.
>>27545698
Go back to whatever hillbilly slum you came from
>>27546523
> Be Anon, officially one year older than you were before
> The gifts you got range from subtle,
> A bottle of amantillado
> To...not subtle
> A cream filled eclair and a strawberry donut
> Thanks, Ponk
> To cute
> A blushing Luna magics over a little hoofmade booklet of coupons and teleports away
> And so, when the party is over, that is the first one you actually look at
> At least half of them read,
> "Facilitated dream: Anypony you want, anywhere you want, anything you want."
> The rest of the coupons look older and a bit more ragged
> Vouchers for massages, doing the dishes, hugs, and one for cleaning her room
> You have immediate flashbacks to your own childhood, and the terrible little coupon gifts
> The books you read
> The terrible drawings you later found out Mom actually kept
> You sit down heavily on the bed, reminiscing about a life you cannot return to, even if you could go back home
> The sun sets, and you sigh
> You think you know what you want to do with your first coupon
> Unending whiteness surrounds you
> Luna fades into view, still a little red around the cheeks, her eyes half-lidded
> "So soon? My, but you are an eager colt. Tell me, what can I become for you, what is your desire?"
> Huh, it actually worked
"Can you be a Zeppelin, customized to store and launch aircraft?"
> She looks startled, then shrugs
> "In your dreams, I can be anything you want me to be."
> A boyish surge of joy fills your heart
"Sky pirates, assemble!"
> Be the dread zeppelin Eclipse
> You do not know how you feel about your new form
> The feel of Anon clambering around your decks, leaning from your windows, gripping your controls with firm confidence
> Perhaps he was raised without a father?
> T'would explain all this fillyish fantasy
> You plow through a cloud in Anon's dream, envelop tingling with the condensation
> When you burst through the other side, Anon gives an order through your speaker system
>>27546741
> You are not familiar with this form of vibration, but it is not unwelcome
> Numerous biplanes launch from your bays, descending upon an unsuspecting skybarge that you may have given a solar insignia to
> Your horn blasts in exultation at the plunder and destruction of the Solar Confederacy
> It is matched by Anon's shouts of glee and triumph
> You believe you shall entertain the dreams of this human again
> Be Celestia, passing by your sleeping sister
> She's making weird noises in her sleep
> Probably motorboating a dreaming stallion's balls again
> You roll your eyes and move on
>Anon manages to hide his omnivorous tendencies; ponies think he's a herbivore just like them
>Then a traveling group of griffons go through town selling trinkets, goods, and services
>Among their stock is smoked meat
>Anon either buys their stock in secret after dark and hope that the griffons are still in town and selling, or he has to buy from them in broad daylight in front of all the ponies.
>Ponies react
>>27546749
>> Probably motorboating a dreaming stallion's balls again
kek
>>27546757
Liking this idea.
>>27546741
>>27546749
besides the balls part, which was kinda funny, this story is pretty cute
>>27546757
Alt:
>Griffon-gypsies set up camp outside of town
>The smells of a meat BBQ fill the air
>Ponies stay inside to avoid retching at the smell of cooking flesh
>Anon stays outside where he can smell the feast, anxiously trying to decide if he should go over and trade for meat, or if he should ignore it and maintain his relationship with the herbivore ponies
>Ponies see him and think he's just uniquely distressed by the smell of cooking meat
>>27546757
This gets brought up fairly often in some form or another. It's fun to talk about, but the basic premise doesn't really have much meat (no pun) on it and it's not really worth expanding. Could work as a dumb one shot, but even that's stretching it.
>>27546809
>"Is that drool? The poor dear must be trying not to throw up from the smell."
>>27546815
Maybe not as the backbone of a story. It could be a feature that has SOME plot relevance. idk
>"Aunties, I really don't think this will get his attention."
>"Thou speak foolishly! Our fair Anonymous will be smitten with our finely decorated bodies!"
>"What she said, Cadence. You need to stop worrying about this."
"Twilight, I'm just saying, you're worrying over nothing."
>You are ANON, and you are walking back to your home after an "emergency meeting" with Princess Twilight
>"emergency meeting" because there's been some sightings of, and I'll quote here, 'ne'er-do-well elements' around town
>"Anon, listen to me. All the ancient records point to a bipedal male spirit that wields great power-"
>She was concerned that they'd try to abduct you or sacrifice you or something else involving ritual bodypaint and virgins
"Twilight, what I'm saying is that you should listen to me too - that's standard fare for a bunch of pantheons back home-"
>Twilight huffs, annoyed. "Look, Anon, I've done my research-"
>You cringe internally
>"-this isn't like the Princesses, or any other pantheons. They are just deified Gryphons or Minotaurs. This is a separate entity that has a lot of the same characteristics that you do-"
>You throw up your hands
"Okay! And all I'm saying is that humans have this shit too! Like the Kokopelli, the Greek or Norse pantheons - hell, even animal-human hybrids like the degenerate furries of Egypt. This is no big fucking deal-"
>You hear her little hoofsies stomp as you round the corner to your street
>"Anon! There's no other reason for these, these - pilgrims to show up in town!"
"I dunno, I was pretty popular at the gala-"
>"That was more than just awe at seeing a new species. I could tell-"
"You sure it wasn't my helicopter dick?"
>Twilight sputters. "B-wh, when did THAT happen?!"
>You shrug
"Luna throws one hell of an afterparty. Anyway, look. I'm like, twice the size of most anything here, so.. I'm not....concerned. Huh."
>Your rebuttal dies in your throat as you finally walk up to your house
>What can best be described as a makeshift hobo camp has formed in the middle of the road
>White robed figures are busy making fire, tending to food, laying out what looks like balls and sticks on an altar
"Are...are those Diamond Do-"
>"MASTER IS HERE! THE MASTER IS HERE!"
>>27547387
oboi this is gonna be gud
>>27546749
I mean, was kind of hoping the more would be some Lewdna, but this is pretty good too.
>>27547543
Your best memories with her won't be lewd, anon.
>>27547387
>Well this just got really lewd really quickly
>About four or five dogs perk up at the call, bounding over to you
"NonononoNONO-"
>There's a sigh next to you
>The sigh that means "I told you so" + "typical colt"
>. . . if she says anything you're gonnatwist her teats
>With a tingly sound Twilight charges up her horn, and your would-be worshipers/attackers slam against purplesmart's forcefield bubble
>This only phases them for a moment, as they start just....
>"Maaaasssstteeerrrr we are your most faithful~" one whines, sitting on your path
"Look I got out of that lifestyle a long time ago-"
>"MASTER! LEAD US TO GLORY!" the second crows, slamming into the force-field again
>"Ah haff yeh newhbabah!" one chirps happily, doing that whole-body wiggle thing that some idiot-dogs do
>"Yeah ok enough of this - I'm going to escort you to your home, and you're to keep your door locked until I can bring the guard." Twilight Deadpans, walking forward slowly
>You follow by her side, your purple bubble gently nudging the dogs out of the way
". . . You know, they don't look EVIL, per se-"
>One rolls over and presents her tum-oh WOW that's a lot of nipples
>"Anon, don't try me right now-"
"I mean, they've brought their own leashes-"
>"ANON."
"Fiiiine."
>After a few more minutes of gently shoving the strays aside, you find yourself standing in the doorway of your home once more
>Door shut and locked
>"Now all you ratty bitches listen up-" Twilight begins, but is quickly booed out
>"Das racis!" "My mother was a based bitch-"
>"If you hurt that colt the crown WILL prosecute! I'm going to talk with your embassy, but NO FUNNY BUSINESS-"
"Like HA-HA funny or Ironic Funny or-"
>"NOT HELPING, ANON-"
>"DO NOT DISRESPECT THE MASTER!"
>"Fuck this I can fly-"
>"Jump! Jump to get the heretic!"
>Oh this is gonna be good
>You quickly make your way over to your livingroom window, watching as the diamond dogs launch themselves up to catch Twilight
>>27547387
>>"MASTER IS HERE! THE MASTER IS HERE!"
>Somewhere in Ponyville, Time Turner stops what he's doing and looks up.
>He doesn't know why, but he feels like he needs to be somewhere.
>>27547634
I'm loving this
>>27547634
>Of course, she's hovering juuuust outside their reach
>Toying with them
>....mares
>Eventually after a few rude gestures she flies off, and a couple of your, uh. Devotees? Chase after her
>ah well
>You step away from the window
>What a day. This was almost as bad as when the bandersna-
>"AWOOOOOOO-"
>What the everliving FUCK-
>You look out the window again and 3 of the dogs are just sitting there, on your front lawn, howling
>"AWOOOO-"
>You bang on the windows
"HEY! NO!"
>Their ears perk up, and you shake your head at them
"NO."
>. . .
>You stare the tall one down
>She looks a bit like a german shepherd
>So... she's probably your troublemaker
>.....
>Grinning, she tilts her head back
>"AWOOOOO-"
"DAMNIT DO NOT AWOO THERE IS A 35 BIT PENALTY FOR AWOO-"
>You bang on the window again to get their attention, and they eagerly beckon you outside
>With stick and ball and leash and ballgag
>....easy, anon jr
>They just don't know what they're doing to y-WOW that is a lot of nipples
>. . .
>The tall one gives you the eyebrows
>You pull away from the window
>You've had enough of their bullshit for today
>Gon' make you a sammitch is what you're gon' do.
>You are Carrie.
>Well, that's your short form. 'Canus of the pack Diggyhole, whose sire is Hard Bone' doesn't exactly roll off the tongue in common, but, eh
>And you are a good girl
>YES YOU ARE
>You always had faith in the old legends, and your faith has been rewarded!
>The Temple of the Good Dog has paw-picked YOU and your followers to find the Master, fetch him, and have him lead the great packs to a glorious future!
>You roll on His Sacred Lawn in glee
>Although the traditional pack greeting did not go so well... the stupid smelly horse stopped you from tackling The Master
>You saw how he responded to the howling of need!
>The ancestors are right! It stirs him to action!
>ALL HAIL THE MASTER!
>"Hey! Hey! Carrie!"
"Mmm? What's up, Pringles?"
>>27547910
>Praetorian, or Pringles - fuck, her name was longer than yours - sits down next to you, tucking His Most Holy Morning Newspaper under her butt for safekeeping
>The best KIND of keeping
>"Sooooo.... how do we get him out? The ancient texts spoke of a small door by which we may enter the foodatorium, but I saw nothing of the sort when we first made up camp-"
"Hmm...."
>"That is the traditional way of entry...and I don't want to deviate from our ancestors - not when so much of their writing has been true!"
>Aww, she's getting excited again
>It's good to be around so many devo-
>*whap whap whap whap*
"Pringles! THE NEWSPAPER-"
>"Aaaaahhhh~" Pringles hops off of His Most Holy Morning Newspaper, checking it for any damage
>She sighs in relief
"Be more careful! We cannot disappoint master! If we do... then we'll be Bad Dogs!"
>The two of you shudder
>What a terrible fate, to face the pain of the squirt bottle and the existential prison of torment that is the tree-you-get-leashed-to-in-the-backyard
>No. That won't be your fate!
>A shadow blots out the sun
>"Ever Vigilant, Bitches. Be on your guard! The enemy is on our doorstep! THAT SQUIRREL! IT PLOTS AGAINST U-"
"Thimble, cut it out. We're gonna be fine, just calm do-"
>"Thanatos the Vanguard NEVER CALMS DOWN. Not when the daystar leaves, not when the Zebras attack, and CERTAINLY NOT when WILD SQUIRRELS menace His Sacred Lawn! And YOU! YEAH- YOU! OVER THERE!"
>You see her point to a green unicorn who's coming out of the house across the street
>She points at herself
>"YEAH YOU. YOU BETTER FUCKING WATCH IT, ALRIGHT?! I SEE YOU THERE-"
>*bang bang bang* "I fucking swear if you go after the neighbors and raise my HOA fees I will kill you myself-"
>The Master makes silly threats, banging on his own windows
>We see you too, Master! We love you!
>Yeah
>You're gonna be fiiiiine
>>27548009
I'm liking this so far, DD's are equal parts cute and ridiculous, with a hint of lewd. Keep it up, BNW
>>27547114
>"Aunt Celestia, we look like a bunch of emo foals who just walked out of a Hot Trotpic."
>>27547114
I thought from the thumbnail that Celestia was actually Shining Armour in drag.
>>27548009
I honestly want anon to go with those dogs, but I await your direction and green BNWF
>>27548009
>You are now Twilight Sparkle
>And after losing those dumb bitches in the lake - seriously. They just ran into the lake
>You fly to your castlebrary
>You're gonna fire off a few quick letters, round up some guards.... clear out the rabble
>N-not in a bad way!
>Just... just to ensure safety
>The last thing you want to do, since this is touching on religious subjects, is to start a holy war
>Especially over one difficult colt
>So, a guard around the house, put the dogs in a preapproved protest zone, clear the streets... it'll be fiiiiine
>You land infront of your castle, nodding at your saluting guards
"Mares! Gather all free guardsponies - we need to protect the human, Anonymous, from some religious zealots that have come into Ponyville-"
>"Ma'am! You mean the ones inside the great hall?"
"Bwuh?"
>The guardsmare looks at you, and for a brief moment confusion crosses her face
>"M-Ma'am. The Minotauren delegation is here to negotiate visitation and festival rights."
>What?
"Wh-what? No, I'm talking about the Diamond Dogs-"
>"Diamond Dogs?! This far into tow- We'll rally the entire roster-"
"N-no, just... just. Hold on, let's...one religion at a time."
>You walk forward, and the doors open for you
>And before you, clad in the traditional toga of the Blue Oyster Cult, stand two minotauresses
>And uh
>A golem
>At least, you *think* it's a golem of some sort
>They turn once the door is opened, and the smallest one smiles as they face you fully>"Hi Princess Twilight! It's a pleasure to meet you - I'm Helga!"
>>27548163
>Helga
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
>>27548163
> Blue Oyster Cult
Patrician.
>>27548163
I'm so in to this shit that I stopped halfway into a 2 hour mastication session to read it.
oh shit I guess I should say - I'm done for right now. I guess... I need a working name for this to put it in the pastebin, seeing as how this is going to be A Thing(tm).
>>27548223
What could you possibly be having for it to take 2 hours to chew?
>>27548267
Anontheosis
>>27548270
Frozen milkduds, maybe
>>27548267
Maybe a Pantheon pun or something?
>Panthanon
>>27548267
Master of Puppies
>>27548098
>"Now now, Cadence. I read a Trotting Pone magazine once, trust me, this is what's in style."
>"How long ago was this?"
>"Oh, only about a decade or so. How much difference could that make?"
>>27548267
Very nice job, had a giggle or two in there and it brighten my mood bnw, is there going to be crazy like the time Applejack summoned the great Apple?
Though I do wonder if the Immortal Anon is still around here's about all these shenagins and comes fast as a gods fist to see the fellow human
(spoiler) this of course throws all the religions into a shit fit as the sign of two human gods is the end times (/spoiler)
>>27548163
>>27548396
Anon is obviously living in "mayfly pony" Equestria.
As in, to him days take thousands of years.
So 20 ish human years is literally an eternity for Equestria.
>>27548396
To spoiler, just select your text and presscontrol+s. Secondly, I was thinking more... like, Every few millenia, a human gets transported to Equestria - but all humans are from our current time.
The first one was there when there was nothing, so he just jacked off into the primordial ooze and drew dicks in the desert sand.
The second one was there at the dawn of the dinosaurs/dragons. My Little Raptor, Clever Girls are Magic.
The third one was there at the dawn of civilization. That's where these legends come from - basic knowledge from roundabout-our-time would make him look like a God; Fire-bringer, master-craftsman, able to harness streams with dams and waterwheels, Lord-of-the-Hunt.... but he's just a normal dude making bird baths and screaming at the yaks, like any normal red-blooded American.
Now, we've got our Anon.
>>27546741
>"Sky pirates, assemble!"
Holy kek I remember that.
>>27546741
>>27546749
Oh the memories.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8uVJ-9qDado
>>27548461
>They're all blood relatives of Anon
>>27548461
>Anon makes a garden.
>This is how ponies learned farming.
>He just literally took some plants from the forest he recognized and put them outside his house.
>>27548461
Phone is terrible to post with, but that's cool, so does this mean that Anon could breed the ponies and other assorted critters because dna is in there?
After all Primeval Anon jacked off into the ooze so its bound to be in there, then raptor non then civilization non soon added their own breeding genes to the pool.
Suddenly the aliens seeding life idea just became far more lewd
>>27548670
>>27548595
Now you're thinking with portals. Lewd portals.
>>27545669
Maybe, just maybe, stay with me here, but maybe he's asian, and therefore had stereotypical super strict parents (ie tiger mom) that did exactly all those things you label as inhumane, edgy, nazi like, and so on.
Maybe, and I'm spit balling here, but maybe your childhood experiences aren't representative of other people's experiences.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not defending the story idea in question at all. In fact it's something I'd scroll right on by.
Anyway, point is you're a faggot.
>>27548802
Tabletop please
>>27548461
>>27548595
Ponies use doorknobs because that's what Anon's house had.
>Ponies use spoons because that's what Anon's house had.
>Ponies have oral sex because that's what Anon's books had.
>It's magical instinct to steal knowledge from humans.
>Something something writefags can make Twiggy evil if they want.
>>27548848
I'm actuallyan anon that produces no content for any thread whatsoever.
>>27548848
That did kinda look like his brand of shit, didn't it?
>>27548872
>Anon takes the role of an Elder Titan (Dota 2, as in he's practically one of the creators of the game world) but just wants to drink his booze alone.
>>27548872
>something something brain washing something somethinng total control something something strict parent something something someone thinks he's a gook
>>27548872
>>27548972
previous thread in a nutshell
In rgre i could be the best attention whoreWhen i claim that i'm a worthless loser that deserves to die i would have mares jumping to make me feel better. instead of people telling me to fuck off.
>>27549046
That's lower than the Kola borehole.
>Be Anon
>Life kinda sucks
>Your friends and family are far, far away, across the veil of worlds
>Most ponies don't care for you, aside from the odd fetishist
>Apparently humies are a thing
>Some mare with a sweater keeps slipping weird pictures of you under your door
>Hand worship, inflation, you name it
>You're oddly flattered, but still horrified
>You'd get a restraining order if you knew who she was
>Oh well
>Such is life in RGRE
>>27548972
>>27548984
Did you reply to the wrong post or something? I can't see what >>27548972 has to do with >>27548872 in any way.
Or is it that >>27548972 replied to >>27548872 without meaning to? In which case >>27548984 is either confused, or is actually replying to himself while making the same mistake. In other words, a retard.
>>27548294
Seconding Anontheosis
>>27548312
I like this the most.
>>27549269
Yeah... but...
Anontheosis versus Panthanon. Panthanon just seems to roll off the tongue, at least, for me.
Also, seems my D&D group is taking a fucking ice age to get their shit together, so I might push out some more green while I wait. Maybe.
>>27548267
holy anon.
>>27549356
I feel like Anontheosis makes more sense, since yours is about an Anon in modern day with the creation myths. Panthanon would make more sense in the other story, describing the numerous gods Anon is.
>>27549356
Gripes of wrath
>>27549120I just want to feel good some times
>>27549464
It can go the other way too. He-man's story is the process of Anon becoming a god to various races, while BNW is writing about Anon being worshiped in his various aspects, as part of many pantheons.
>>27549500
>>27549500
now THAT, I like.
>>27549500
Like, stomach aches? Did Anon introduce Chipotle and their E.Coli collection to Equestria?
>>27549986
>Anon comes from an entirely different planet with entirely different flora and fauna
>Anon brings with him hundreds of deadly diseases that Equestria doesn't have or variations that they have not adapted to
>Likewise, Anon dies within a week from the Equestrian version of the common cold
>Anon brings with him an unstoppable plague that ends all life in Equestria in less than a year
>>27550006
/disregarded.
come anons nothing to see here move along.
>>27550006
>I doubt that his diseases would be compatible.
>His nucleic acids might be completely different and unable to be used by Equestria diseases and vice-versa.
>I think his biggest threat would be that of parasites.
>Magic might be extremely radioactive and grant him a slow, painful death.
>It's possible that his sweat is toxic, or that he is unable to digest Equestrian sugar structures.
>>27550070
>>unable to digest Equestrian sugar structures.
Good idea, Anon. And what about chirality? When a molecule has the same structure, only it's a mirror image of what it normally would be? Like, certain things in Equestria (eg sugar like you said) are inedible to Anon or dangerous for him to eat?
>>27550098
I'm not a scientist, but those are only a few ideas.
Anon could be an indestructible powerhouse with an Achilles' heel,
or he could be a delicate flower with a strong redeeming usage.
I would imagine that he'd be exceptionally dangerous for a colt. His small eyes would probably make him into a dangerous diplomat. His rivals can't read his facial expression while they (like in the cartoon) can be read like an open book.
>>27550098
>>27550070
I like it, but I don't see how RGRE can be applied to that other than "Anon is made of glass and we must protect him", which falls short really fast. It might do better on AiE, though.
>>27549136
>>humies
>Anon is basically a walking, talking furry
>Humies everywhere drool over him, while normie pones just watch in mild confusion mixed with a hint of disgust
>>27550159
I might start going to the AiE threads, but I doubt anything I did would be any bit significant or gather any attention in a concept/thread over a thousand threads old.
But then again, this thread isn't much different.
But I think him being a male would make his skills extremely unexpected and even more dangerous, for what it's worth.
>>27550176
>Bon Bon looks at Anon and tries not to flinch.
>"It's like the ponynet leaked into real life."
>>27550140
>His small eyes would probably make him into a dangerous diplomat. His rivals can't read his facial expression while they (like in the cartoon) can be read like an open book.
thi is good, we;ve never had much political anon
>>27550233
There was a oneshot where Anon worked for the Ponice and interrogated pones. Kind of the same idea with reading expressions.
>"It's like you're still here..."
>>27550262
pastebin pls?
>>27550140
>His small eyes would probably make him into a dangerous diplomat. His rivals can't read his facial expression while they (like in the cartoon) can be read like an open book.
>You are Anon
>Bargain Burger Boutique profits have never been higher
>Even splitting with your two partners, you've got more money than you know what to do with
>Filthy insists on dragging you to the spa every chance he gets
>Rarity forces you into ever-more ridiculous suits
>And of course they charge you for it, after all, you can afford it
>But you're done with that now
>You've been wanting a change of profession, and now you've got it
>You'll follow in the footsteps of many wealthy white men before you and go into politics
>>27550216
>Lyra glares over at Bon Bon, "I thought you said you never browsed /mlh/! Liar!"
>Bon Bon rolls her eyes and simply sniffs her snozzer, "I just happen to have some threads that I monitor, I never post or anything like that."
>Lyra squints as she leans in close to Bon Bon's ear, ">Tfw you will never feel his long claws scratch along your cutiemark."
>Bon Bon poker faces, bottom lip sucked in tight as her brow furrows.
>>27550383
>Be Anon, months later
>Turns out stallions can't run for office
>But, you splashed your cash around Canterlot, and got yourself appointed as Ambassador to Griffonstone
>Relations have been peaceful for centuries, so why not bring some eye candy to the meetings?
>But they didn't expect you to have brains to match your looks
>You've just successfully henpecked the griffon queen into approving a multi-billion bit trade deal
>With BBB as the main contractor, of course
>Life is goooood
>>27550411
That sounds less "good" and more "Anon is going to get into trouble when the griffins realize what Anon did and hold Celestia responsible."
>Griffin-Pony relations suddenly plummet.
>Anon blamed for sudden rise of Pony-Griffin conflicts.
>>27550467
>Be Princess Celestia
>The griffon ambassador has been squawking at you all afternoon
>Apparently Anon tricked them into signing some deal or other, with his company as the main benefactor
>What kind of mare gets tricked by a stallion like that?
>You'd laugh in her face, but you'd rather not damage international relations
>You tell her that you'll look into it, while quietly drafting a letter to request a new ambassador
>Be Celestia a week later
>The griffons are refusing to acknowledge their obligations on a recent treaty
>They've been clucking at you about how 'unfair' it is, how they 'didn't mean' to sign it
>And apparently most of the money is going into private hooves rather than the economy at large
>Naturally, you hoof the problem over to the EQBI
>Now maybe you can have a nice long bath
>Be Rarity
>Some mares in black armor broke into your boutique, shot Opalescence with a crossbow, and dragged you off into an unmarked carriage
>They keep calling you a 'traitor to the crown'
>Sweet Celestia, what's going on?
>Be Princess Celestia
>You hoofed the traitor over to the griffons to deal with as they wish
>Obviously she tricked Anon into signing a deal to benefit her own corporation
>You'll have to send him a gift basket as an apology
>Be Anon
>You and Filthy had some awesome sex last night on a stack of bits
>Haven't been able to contact Rarity all morning though
>Oh well
>Be Teatless
>That's not the name your father gave you, but it's what Master Gilda calls you
>You've gone from a successful businessmare to the mastectomy slave of the griffon queen
>Ashes to ashes, you suppose
>>27550546
Let's not get edgy, shall we?
I'd rather Anon /threaten/ to have his enemies liquidated, not have it actually happen. Especially to his friends.
>>27550176
>The closet humies are the thirstiest
>>27544878
So 50 Shades of Grey?
>>27550546
>>You've gone from a successful businessmare to the mastectomy slave of the griffon queen
The point is to prevent breeding, so why did they not go after her ovaries?
>>27550546
>Celestia just straight up threw away her superweapon.
>Her personal student and fellow princess is now pissed at her.
>Luna won't speak to her.
>Her cake was too warm.
>And now the other nations are pissed at her too.
>At least the Griffin Queen is now reviled by both ponies AND griffins.
>You know, for accepting an obvious scapegoat, abusing her, and then expecting her subjects to fall for it.
Commit or don't start shit.
>>27550596
This. We just got out of an edge argument; we don't need to get into another.
>>27550678
>You are Bon Bon, and you are trying not to hit your best friend and room-mate, Lyra.
>She's been talking for the last twenty minutes about how perfect the human is.
>You've been trying to hold back about how utterly WRONG Lyra is about Anon.
>What did Lyra call it?
>Hiding your power level?
>"...and he's such a slut! He would probably scratch your cutie mark if you asked him to."
>He would NOT!
"Y-"
>ooh.
>Almost.
>Lyra looks at you with the smuggest smirk on her face.
>"What's the matter, Bon Bon? You got something to say?"
"No."
>Fuck off, Lyra.
>Lyra's grin widens.
>"Well then. Did you know I saw him sitting next to Roseluck on a park bench? He had the thirstiest look on his face, like he was barely holding himself back from pulling her onto his lap and rubbing her belly."
"Shut up, Lyra!" you shout, turning on your friend who STILL HAS A SMUG BUCKING SMIRK ON HER FACE
"Anon doesn't even know ANYTHING about belly rubs, or-or-or tuft-scratching, or ear-scritching! He's innocent, darn-it!"
>You're left breathing heavily.
>"You know, Bonnie.... For somepony who doesn't brows /hmp/, you sure do have some strong opinions about humans."
>You did not hide your power level very well today.
>>27550777
too cute
>Anon signs his name and makes the "A" look like a penis
>He likes watching how flustered the mail-mare gets when he has to sign for packages
>>27550821
>Anon signs for a package
>Signs with his package
>>27550821
>always makes sure to brush his hands against her hooves when he gives back her clipboard and pen
>she always gets so flustered and turns an adorable shade of red
>>27550301
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2OVxTjfLAFw
>Be Anon
>You've done it
>You've successfully ruined the reputations of two world leaders
>Rumors has it, Luna has been approaching ponies in there dreams to recruit them for an army
>The minotaurs and zebras have cut off trade with Griffonstone, and there have been several violent border clashes between the nations
>You, you've thrown your lot in with your own company
>The mental conditioning of your all-male workforce has been successful
>Every stallion, once a prissy little faggot, is now a mighty warrior
>You'll march on Canterlot and Griffonstone
>The Bargain Burger Empire will stretch from the northern wastes to the southern badlands
>"Anon? When we're royalty, will I get a pretty crown?"
>There's just one loose end
"Guards."
>"Wha- Anon! Babe! Don't do thi- *urk*"
>Now everything is dealt with
>Be Lyra
>Anon is better than ever
>Rich, handsome, and now God-Emperor of Burgerquestria!
>Your husbando is so dreamy
>If only he'd look at you once in a while
>Be Anon
>You've legally shifted male-female relations
>You're in charge, so what you say goes
>Now stallions are in charge, and mares are the put-upon lesser gender
>It'll take a few generations, but you've started Burgerquestria on its way to freedom
>You wipe a tear from your eye
>'Murica
>>27550903
And that's what happens when you make fun of a fat stallion. The End.
>>27550878
>Derpy isn't actually clumsy
>Ponies just see her when she tries to fly away from Anon's house with stuff wings
>>27550935
*stiff wings
>>27550910
http://pastebin.com/FS2cfDBp
>>27550935
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnKfz0rkyNI
>>27550903
FREEDOM
I would really like to see more of the RGRE version of face sitting
>Be Anon
>You are chilling with Lyra on the couch because you two were a lazy pack
>But you can't completely get /comfy/ just right, something seems off with her
>Like she has been holding somethin-
>"Anon, hypothetical speaking if I ever asked you something kinky how would you react"
>Oh man, you knew Lyra was a kinky one, but she never had the guts to tell You
"Well, as long you don't want to sacrifice anything I don't think it would bother me"
>"I kinda want to do something new, but I want to know if you agree with me"
>You waited to hear what she had to say
>"Okay" she takes a deep breath "¿Can you sit on my face?"
>You just stare at her wordless
>"But like try to smother me with your dick"
>If you had words left, they just left
>But your dick was more awake than ever
>She just activated your trap card
>Be Lyra, a very happy mare
>You knew colts liked oral
>You never had guessed that your colt loved it as much you did giving it
>With a sack like that who wouldn't want to be ridden until they pass out
>Be Anon
>Aparently Lyra gets off from you fucking her face
>You knew she had something more than just an ass to die for
>>27551247
>RGRE version of face sitting
balls in the face
>>27551247
I bet she likes it wild and loud too.
>Anon arrives in Equestria
>Lyra was away for business when he appears
>Hears about human on /mlh/ and immediately returns home
>Anon is already horsemarried by the time she comes back and is monogamous
>>27551564
Why would you do this.
lyra would be the best mate
>>27545710
>90% of this thread is garbage
But Anon... 90% of everything is garbageSturgeon's law
>>27551837
Do you think Lyra commissions LyraxHuman fanart
>>27552079
How many human plushies does she have?
>>27552349
Six million
>>27548802
I guess they are calling me edge anon now.
No, thankfully I didn't have parents like that growing up, I did have friends who did though, 'good christians' as they said as they hit their kids for every single violation. Couldn't eat a popsicle without phoning home and asking if its ok. Smashed my finger so hard at their house the skin cracked open and the fingernail fell off, said god fucking damnit, and that was the last I saw of them as friends due to parents hating me.
Had multiple friends who were girls where their every interaction online was heavily monitored, what they could and couldn't do was there.
I forget where I got it from, but the anon not having silverware was from another story that no one took as edge, but somehow it's twisted into a horrible violation of rights when applied to my idea.
But yea, I had friends go through far worse, one of them the step dad stole his identity because he had better credit to his name, and routinely beat him. I call some of them strict, because I honestly don't believe every kid can be given time outs and not be a fucking bastard.
Yea, I stopped writing this to eat a pizza, so I forget the tangent I was going on, but I think I'm going to give up on asking things that irk anon in thread anymore, I believe I'll only ever get the standard talking down and extremely minor things, or the it goes beyond irk, this is what a reasonable person would kill another over, then this shit that started at the end of the other thread where things that would normally be taken in rgre stride suddenly became crimes against humanity.
Either way, i'm going to go forward with writing and posting it, probably not at a pace I would like to or anyone interested would like but yea... got an idea for a non retcon part that I can write and post, that should get done sometime soon, possibly this weekend.
>>27552534
Cool blog.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVO8sUrs-Pw
>>27552534
Post a story fgt.
>>27551837
>>27552652
Pretty much. The kids are out in full force.
Ok, I'm trying to write things a bit, and I'm using notepad++ to do it.
I have a language called 4chan that will turn shit into green for me, so I can easily tell where I fuched up the > marks, but something is off.
Is there a way to turn the background from white to the dark blue of yotsuba B when I engage the 4chan language?
>>27552534
You're a one little persistent attention whore, aren't you, Edge Anon?
>>27551247
>I would really like to see more of the RGRE version of face sitting
Throat fucking?
Lying them down on the edge of the bed, letting their head tip back, and rest against the side of the mattress. Gently taking a handful of mane, and parting their lips, before hilting down their throat. Their drool drips down your balls, face purpling slightly, before you pull back, let them take a quick breath, and then ram home once more?
>>27551837
Little known fact: Ponies, being as small as they are, prefer small and enclosed areas; like cats. Sitting beside Celestia's bed is a well-used cardboard box with the words "best princess box" written on it with a felt marker.
>>27553122
"Only pretty princesses get in this box."
>>27547543
Oh hey, I was going through my pastebin when I found a RGRE story that I wrote in ignorance of this general. It even has lewdna and dream shenanigans.
http://pastebin.com/b8gp6D3J
>Luna can control how a dreamer perceives time while they sleep, making a dream last as long as she wants it to
>She takes advantage of this when visiting Anon in his dreams
>Anon, the only member of his species, is not recognized as a sapient creature like ponies and griffons
>It's technically illegal to have sex with Anon b/c bestialtiy laws
>This attracts the fat, anti-social weirdo mares who get off on that
>>27555127
>"I'm telling you, I'm sapient, dammit!"
>Anon shouts as he continues pounding into a pony
>>27555021
>"Anonymous, you are mortal and I am immortal. It is inevitable that you will one day pass on while I remain here in Equestria. But not all is lost: time will be meaningless to us, for I am the Mistress of Dreams, and every night will be as long as a life age of the world."
>>27555288
>"G-good boy!"
>>27555288
>>27555309
>"C-c'mere, boy. I got... I got some treats for ya'..."
>If this fucking NEET mare thinks that you'll fall for the "peanut butter on the vagina" trick for a third time, then she's going to be disappointed.
>>27553122
>Anon finds this box, puts his dick in it to see Celestia's reaction
>>27550176
>Tuftbeards dress up in pone equivalents of fursuits and try to woo Anon
>Normies start protesting to get the Dressageart abomination out of their town
>Anon is thoroughly uncomfortable with this and just wants to hang out with little horses
>>27555831
its_not_gay_if_its_on_the_moon.jpg
It's funny how easy it is to spot the summer posters.
>>27550777
Lyra and Bon Bon shenanigans? Lyra and Bon Bon Shenaningans.
>“I’m telling you mare, humans are down for the TPV like ALL the time.”
>You roll your eyes at your best friend.
>TPV? What in Equestria is that?
>Your lips part but you quickly clamp them shut, no Bon Bon, don’t enable her.
>Ever since breaking her hoof and losing her position at the Ponyville Orchestra, she’s become completely obsessed with the My Big Human cartoon.
>She’s even gone as far as to actually call herself a “Humie” and not ironically.
>If she were anypony else you’d have cut ties the moment she decided to wear a sunhat outside in public.
>But this is your best friend and you’re hopeful she’ll realize just how awkward she’s being and go back to being her old self again.
>…
>Damn it, your curiosity is getting the better of you now.
“Okay, what in Tartarus does TPV mean?”
>Lyra giggles, “Jeez Bonnie brwze lngr why don’t you?”
>You scrunch your muzzle at her before feeling her yank your head over with her magic.
>She leans in close and whispers “Tight Pony Vag.”
>You cringe and jump back from your friend.
“Seriously? That’s what you’re calling it now?”
>”Yeah mare, the research is out there, their females can’t control their walls so the males love-“
“Research? Is that what you call those dumb comparison charts and fan fiction stories you have in that folder called 'ABSOLUTE PROOF’"?
>Lyra gets immediately defense, “Whoa sis! Were you digging through my computer?”
>You growl.
“No you dimflank, you showed them to me at three in the morning smelling like musk and that Bad Dino lube you brag so much about.”
>Lyra rubs a hoof under her chin as she thinks on the events of that night.
>>27556213
>She gasps as though the memory just came back to her but instead quickly darts off to the nearby milkshake stand, “Oh! Bon Bon c’mere, I saw a recipe online that uses some salt, a couple bits and a milkshake to simulate human cum!”
>You let out a long sigh and pray that nopony heard her.
>Whispers nearby and the glances you receive as you approach the stand confirm that other ponies did in fact hear her.
>You reach the stand just as Lyra is finishing her order, “And make sure to let the bits soak for a few minutes.”
>The poor worker gets to making her drink while Lyra can barely keep herself still.
>”I can’t wait to try this, somepony online said they spent-“
>”Anonymous! Banana smoothie’s ready.”
>Everything seems to stop.
>Your heart, your brain, hell even Lyra.
>You hear his silly baritone voice call out from around the corner, “Yo! Coming!”
>Lyra’s face gradually shifts from shell shocked to a thirsty grin as the resident human approaches the counter.
>He’s completely surrounded by young colts who all want to climb him and be pet just like they do in the show.
>It doesn’t seem to bother Anonymous like you think it would you.
>Biggest difference between males and females right there.
>”Oh thank you! Oh, and the uh-“
>The young mare behind the counter hoofs over a small tray of cookies.
>The human smiles, giving you a quick peek at those sharp canines.
>A shiver runs down your spine and you can feel your dock tensing up.
>”Excellent, thank you.”
>”Sure thing Anonymous” she responds.
>”Oh, you can just call me Anon.” he chirps lifting the drink up to his mouth.
>You watch in awe as he brings the tip of the straw up past his lips and instead brings the cup itself to his mouth.
>His cute little red tongue draws out and he laps once at the thick yellow slush in his cup.
>>27556237
>Blood pools in your mouth from biting your lip so hard as you watch small drops of smoothie turn into frothy yellow fluid as they streak down his angled chin.
>The damned mare behind the counter cuts this little show short by offering him a napkin as though it were no big deal.
>”Ah, thanks again!”
>You and Lyra are probably the only mares in town who like the show, most others adults in town have written Anonymous off as “just a furless minotaur.”
>You get yanked over closer to Lyra as Anonymous is passing out the snack to the foals around him, “Holy Tartarus Bonnie did you see that?!” she whisper screams at you.
“I know I know, be cool Ly.”
>”I can’t sis! I’m gonna leak a pouch any minute! I -I have to go talk to him!”
“Lyra no! Don’t-“
>”Oh hello.”
>You both stop your bickering and turn to find Anonymous looking over at you both.
“U-uh…”
>”Hiya! My name’s Lyra and this is my friend Bon Bon. We’re HUGE fans of the show.”
>Sun DAMN it Lyra you couldn’t-
>Anonymous quirks an eyebrow a moment before raising them both, “Oh! Right, My Big Human. I’ve been babysitting these little guys over here all day and it’s just slipped my mind why. Yeah, that’s really cool. I’m afraid I’m still not fully caught up, lots of adjusting I still have to make now that I live here, and the show gives me a kind of an uncanny valley feel so I have to take breaks. Overall I like it though.”
>A colt was trying to climb up into Anon’s lap as he was explaining himself, Anonymous finally looks down and scoops the little guy up and flips him onto his back.
>”Another reason I like it is because I can do this!” he lifts the little colt up to his face and plants his lips on the boy's tummy.
>The little colt wriggles, kicks, and giggles as Anonymous blows raspberries on his belly.
>>27555820
>you have to admit, you didn't expect the jelly too
>>27556272
>He sets the ecstatic colt down to play with the others, “Because of the show I get paid top coin to babysit and the best part is that kids love me, and nobody gives me accusing glares from just going near a kid, this place is way different from back home.”
>The other colts are now all trying to get the same treatment out of Anonymous as the first one.
>He chuckles and submits to their demands as he quickly finishes up his drink.
>”Well I’m guess I’m needed so I’ll so you ladies around town yeah?”
>”Y-yeah totally! It was great meeting you Anonymous.”
>”Oh, just call me Anon. It was nice meeting you Lyra, Bon Bon.”
>Your face gets extremely hot.
“Y-you too.”
>”Oh, you look very cute in that hat by the way” Anon calls over his shoulder as the young colts drag him away by collectively biting his pant legs and pulling.
>Your jaw drops.
>In your periphery you see Lyra’s grin going well beyond what a smile should be capable of.
>”YES! YESYESYESYES-“
>She is prancing around the general area rubbing her complement in deep.
>You can’t believe she right about that stupid hat.
>In your anger you snatch her melting drink from the counter and take a deep sip of it.
>This outta show her-
>Oh sweet Celestia…
>It’s DELICIOUS!
I can't believe Snippet is fucking dead.
>>27556285
>"You win this time, NEET-mare."
>>27556289
This is great.
>>27556289
kek
Just enough world-building without there being a need for overt explanation. Good job, Frosty.
>>27556289
Thanks for the green, Frosty.You're a brave one to cast green out into this shitshow.
>>27556313
I heard they went on a scuba diving drip with Amphetanon and they were both struck by the propeller. Tragic, but an important example of why two writefags should not hang out together.
>>27556289
Kjute.
>>27556457
Fact: Writefags aren't aloud to ride the same plane together just in case it crashes.
>>27556495
>aloud
>>27556386
>>27556495
>writefriends riding aloudFrosty pitches, AA catches, and BNW films it all. Frosty is the most vocal of the trio.
LaP, the grumpy upstairs neighbor, stomps on the floor and tells everyone to go to bed.
Shuk has to explain to daughteru that the neighbors are just "wrestling."
Drunk is passed out.
Amphetanon ODs.
>>27556634
Poor NEET mare has it rough during heat season.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Obnvp7INUpw
>Be Agent Sweetie Drops
>You've been tasked with trailing the human to find out if he's a threat
>You know better than to underestimate him just because he's male
>After all, how many homme fatales have you faced off against?
>14
>14 homme fatales
>You almost regret throwing the last one into a working printing press during your big fight-
>You try not to think about it
>You've got a job to do, no time wallowing in memory
>Be Anon
>You've been hanging out with Lyra, the coolest lesbian in town
>Apparently Bon Bon is doing something silly today
>You'll have to invite them over for dinner sometime
>You make a mean tomato sauce!
>NEET mare poster keeps trying to get someone to interact with him
>No one interacts with NEET mare poster
Life imitates art imitates life
>>27556740
I'd fuck the shit outta neet mare
>>27556816
Not like you'd have any competition, no stallion wants a smelly, oily, socially retarded mare.
>>27556801
I was just scrolling by and I like NEET Mare
She reminds me of my sister
its adorable
>>27556836
Faggots
>>27556272
>>”Another reason I like it is because I can do this!” he lifts the little colt up to his face and plants his lips on the boy's tummy.
>>The little colt wriggles, kicks, and giggles as Anonymous blows raspberries on his belly.
hhhngggg
>>27556289
>>”Well I’m guess I’m needed so I’ll so you ladies around town yeah?”
>I'm guess I'm needed
>I'll so you ladies around town
FIX IT
>>27556958
>You are Anon-bot 2000
>You almost revealed yourself to be a robot.
>Note to self: fix sound card
