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Anyone else drinking?
>>27148991
I'm currently feeling extremely hungry.
Does that count?
>>27149006
Well drinking does make me hungry, so maybe?
>>27148971
I need good smut. Not science, just masturbating
>>27148991
I drink too much. Was supposed to quit two weeks ago but a chick offered me liquor and sex last week so I went with it.
>>27148991
I do a beer a day. I don't like to overindulge because hangovers suck.
>>27149236
I can respect that.
>>27149269
I get some brutal hangovers, I just deal with it. It's my penance for feeling some humanity.
>>27149269
What beer? I myself prefer czech brands
>>27148971
So much boop
>>27149284
I've got some Mönchshof Kellerbier at the moment. Normally I just go to the store and get what looks interesting. I never buy the same brand twice unless it was really good or if I'm in the mood for it.
#NightlyDrunkThread
>>27149284
Czech fuckers make some good beer. That's all I know about the entire country.
>Dear Princess Celestia,
>I was able to sneak a keg past customs from my vacation. Don't ask how. You don't want to know.
>I hope you'll join me this evening for some cultural exchange.
>Bring pretzels.
>Sincerely,
>Anonymous.
>p.s. Luna can come too if she wants.
>>27149269
I can't drink beer. It doesn't even get me buzzed and gives me a headache.
>>27149762
You live in Utah? Because their beer has to be under 2.5% alcohol per volume because Mormons hate fun.
>>27150149
Better. Wisconsin.
>>27150371
Do they make the beer from milk there?
Can you buy alcoholic cheeses?
>>27150377
Cheeseahaulics anonymous?
>>27150377
You can buy beer battered cheddarwurst.
>>27150777
Dude I buy cheese by the pound and eat it straight. Shit's good. White cheddar master race.
>>27150901
Mah african american friend
>>27150901
>cheddar
>master race
Get a load of this pleb
>>27151780
Frenchie spotted. Your cheeses are literal shit and the world knows it. Take your superiority to /ck/ where they can tell you the same.
>>27149535
I'm just gonna say, you should put all of these into a bin, this could actually end up being a pretty decent story. I know i'm waiting for more!
>>27151850
I'm pretty sure it's more than one dude writing these bumps.
>>27151829
>thinks only french people know that cheddar is the plebest of cheese
I bet you've never even eaten anything but american "cheese".
>>27151899
>implying I should support anyone's culture but my own
Suck it, nerd.
>>27152032
So you exclusively eat Kraft "cheese"?
Well, to each his own... I'll be over here, in the civilized part of the world, enjoying a wide variety of actually good cheeses from my many neighbouring cultures.
>>27152217
while your girlfriend enjoys manmilk from Muhammad right before they behead her.
/AiE/ - Beer and Cheese
>>27152230
>being this butthurt about not being allowed to eat good cheese because cultural appropriation
Seriously, consider suicide.
>>27152246
Works for me.
>>27148991
Gin and tonic, Busch later.
Also, >>27148971 Tripfags in horsyland
>Day traffic in Equestria.
>Leaning your head against your arm propped up on the door, you gaze down at your tach.
>You goose the throttle a bit, watching the needle dance in rhythm.
>"You're going to do it again, aren't you?"
>A smile creeps across your face as you glance over at Luna, who sits in the seat beside you.
>You sit up straight, placing both hands on the steering wheel.
"Do what, Lulu?"
>By sound alone, you get the revs of the engine up to about 3k.
>She playfully rolls her eyes, peering out the window at the streetlight above, before leaning back against the seat.
>Not a moment too soon, as the light goes green and you dump the clutch.
>The piercing howl of burning rubber fills the air as you jolt forward, grabbing second gear momentarily before getting on the brakes.
>You have to entertain yourself somehow in gridlock Manehattan traffic.
>Not long after coming to a stop, the pungent odor of the rubber you laid down catches up to you, leaving the air feeling rather thick.
>"Ugh, why does it smell so awful?"
"I don't think it smells any worse than the aftermath of the hayburger feast you had last night."
>She glaces back at you, before focusing her gaze forward again, blushing profusely.
>"We must never speak of that again."
>>27153653
I always suspected you and fartanon were one.
>>27154347
Don't be rediculous, we all know Koala is fartanon.
>>27151862
Most of the time it's just me, and I just use them when we hit page 8 or so. Last thread is the only time I can remember where other people contributed.
>>27148991
Not Rainbow Dash
Figured Id ask this here. Does anyone have a pastebin from those super spoopy threads where in equestria you are supposed to put blinds on all of your mirrors and Anon didnt know that? Would love to see it
Past Mistakes
>Dusk began to settle within the thickly packed woods of the Everfree forest, further darkening the already gloomy interior.
>A sudden explosion rang out from within.
>Inside a small clearing, roiling smoke slowly dissipated revealing three silhouetted figures within.
>Coughing a bit, one attempted to talk;
"Probably not the best place to run that experiment, Twilight. In the middle of the woods surrounded by flammable... well, wood."
>Twilight cleared her throat of the thick smoke still clinging inside.
>"Ahem, of course Anonymous. Then again I'd be performing this experiment in my lab proper if a certain someone hadn't insisted on coming out here for 'recreational purposes'."
>She shot a begrudged glare.
"Nonsense, Ms. Sparkle, you're the one doing yet more work and going against the spirit of 'recreation'. I explicitly mentioned you needed to get out once in a while and leave work behind. Do something less productive and just have fun."
>"I do have fun! I have fun researching, organizing, and 'working' in general. I also happen to have friends to have fun with if I wanted to, but I've been very busy and you know that."
>Anon nodded succinctly.
"Right. Trying to open the portal. What were you even working on before that explosion anyway?"
>Twilight shook her head.
>"That's just the thing; I was testing inter-dimensional connectivity by using my magic to bind a twig to another world. Nothing that should have caused such an explosion," her brow glowered in confusion, "or it shouldn't have at least. Maybe my calculations were a bit off..."
>Spike the dragon, having had finished clearing his own lungs of smoke, finally weighed in.
>"Why couldn't you just use the mirror again, Twilight?"
>Twilight shrugged a foreleg with a despondent look toward Anon who had wandered away a short distance, before responding in a hushed voice;
>"It's not quite that easy, Spike, but thanks for the consideration. We need to find a connection first before that would work."
>>27156616
>Twilight and Spike approached Anon as he stood rubbing his chin with his head tilted upward.
>He sniffed loudly into the air.
"Can you two smell that? Like something burned?"
>Twilight rolled her eyes, "you mean like the trees nearby that were caught in the explosion?"
"No. It doesn't smell like burning wood, but rather like... a gas?"
>Anon turned to Twilight with a ponderous look.
"Does Equestria use gas combustion at all?"
>"Not exactly. We have steam powered locomotives. Most motorized machines tend to use magic; however, most of that technology is far away from here. Not just the Everfree, but Ponyville in general. That kind of stuff you're more likely to find in the larger cities."
>Anon shook his head.
"Well, I'm not so sure that explosion was an accident."
>Twilight gave an incredulous look, "what could you possibly mean?"
"You said it yourself: that was far from the outcome you anticipated."
>"Yes, but it's not exactly uncommon working with unknown variables in magic that the slightest change could be rather disastrous. Besides we're in the middle of the woods and nopony even knows we're out here."
>Anon was looking around, examining the edges of the clearing at this point.
"Exactly. It's a perfect combination to make it look like an accident; no one around to bear witness, the famous Twilight Sparkle known to experiment with potentially dangerous magi- Aha!"
>His absently spoken dialogue was interrupted as he spotted movement between some trees.
>He chased after it, Twilight and Spike following after in bewilderment.
>"Anon, what are you doing?!" Twilight interjected
"Tsh- sh- shh!"
>Anon waved a finger back toward her as he vaulted between the trees.
>"Ugh, you were just yelling," Twilight sighed in exasperation.
>She and Spike followed between the trees a moment after.
>Standing within a smaller clearing, Anon was frantically scanning for what he spotted.
>"Well? What was it? What did you see?" Twilight asked.
>>27156619
"It was a pony. Or it's outline looked like one, at least."
>Twilight gave him a confused look.
>"Who could have followed us into the woods? I didn't tell anypony we'd be out here, you didn't I should think. Spike?"
>Spike shrugged, "I didn't mention anything."
"Twilight, scan the area for any residual magic. See if you can't find a possible trail."
>Twilight smirked at the request as her horn lit up and the light radiated across the clearing in a sweeping motion.
>"Anon, I'm telling you there can't be any sapient being this deep in the forest. Besides us of course and Zecora, but she lives nearer to the edge by Fluttershy's cottage. You probably just saw some animal roaming abou-"
>Her eyes widened in alarm.
>"Huh? This can't be right."
"What is it? Did you detect something?"
>"It's... there's a trace of magic here."
>She pointed to a spot near the two trees they passed between.
>"A recent imprint, too. Like it was just used-"
"When the explosion happened?"
>Anon knelt down before her with a grin.
"Well, now's probably not the best time to be telling you 'I told you so',"
>His grin faltered into stoic determination.
"Because you're in danger right now, Twilight Sparkle, and I'm going to do everything in my power to keep you safe."
>"B-but, how can-"
>Anon turned to Spike and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.
"And you too, little buddy. Come on. I'm keeping you close."
>He hoisted Spike up around his back, clasping claws across his chest.
>Twilight stared in amazement and admiration at how quickly Anon was jumping into action to protect them.
"Hold on tight. Twilight!"
>"Uh y-yeah? Huh?"
>Anon placed a gentle, but firm, hand under her muzzle.
"Looks like the trip's been cancelled early. Time to go home."
>He wrapped his arms around her barrel, eliciting an alarmed squeak from her.
"Alright, let's go!"
>He cried out in jubilant victory.
>A moment passed.
"Why aren't we moving?"
>"I. Can't." Twilight spoke tersely between gritted teeth.
>>27156620
>Spike sat on a log watching on with his head rested on his claws.
"What do you mean you can't?"
>Anon's voice was incredulous as he stopped pacing and stared down at her.
>Twilight's brow furrowed above her tightly-closed eyes.
>"I've already explained twice now; something is blocking my concentration to outside of the forest."
"But you were able to use magic already."
>"Yes, here, in the forest. I can use magic just fine right here," she concentrated for a second and her horn glowed casting light, "but something is keeping me from teleporting by interrupting my attempts to focus on a location outside of the forest. It's scrambling my concentration like we're in some kind of counter-telepathic bubble or something. And were you really just going to use me as an escape plan?"
>Anon waved off the question.
"No, don't be ridiculous. Well yes, ok teleporting out was kind of the plan. But not because I didn't want to save you! I mean, you are the only one here who can teleport so..."
>Twilight scowled.
"Not what I meant. As in you'd be able to get us all out and I'm not really helping with this am I?"
>Twilight closed her eyes and sighed, "can we just figure out a way to leave this forest?"
>Anon gestured in a seemingly random direction.
"Looks like we'll be leaving in the same manner we got here: by 'hoofing' it."
>He couldn't help but smirk.
>Twilight gave him a wry smile.
>"Lead the way, then."
>They were walking along, Anon up in front waving off errant branches.
>A thought struck his mind.
"Twilight? That magic you detected. Did it seem familiar at all? Could you tell what kind of spell it was?"
>Twilight wondered momentarily.
>"It seemed vaguely familiar, but I can't quite put my hoof on it. The type of spell felt like maybe a basic holding spell? Which is usually used to contain something. Sometimes even living things. But why didn't whoever use it to hold me?"
"Because maybe they were busy holding whatever exploded."
>>27156624
>"That might be a possibility. Besides royal guards using it to detain criminals, it's often used by science ponies to contain and transport material in a local area. But then the question is what were they transporting?"
>Anon looked back.
"That smell, it was like gas fumes were ignited. Maybe it happened to be some type of flammable gas. Maybe they moved it to where you were casting magic to ignite it, but it didn't kill you like they planned. Or maybe that wasn't what they were planning anyway..."
>Twilight cast a quizzical look.
>"Do you think they were just trying to scare me or something?"
>Anon shrugged.
"Could be. They might have been trying to startle you while you were working with potentially dangerous magic, to make you screw up and make your death appear completely to be your own fault."
>"Hey! I'm not so careless that ponies would just assume I blew myself up you know."
"Yeah, yeah, you're very meticulous about details I know."
>Twilight scrunched her muzzle in frustration.
"The thing is you're also out here alone, or well almost alone. They might have been banking on no pony ever finding us."
>"Us?" Spike butted in from atop Twilight.
"Yes, us. As in whoever it is was trying to kill you and me, along with Twilight."
>"Ahem, you mean to say 'you and I, along with Twilight'," interjected Twilight with a smug look.
>Anon stared back at her.
"No, Spike and I weren't the subject of that sentence. 'They' was."
>"They were?"
"Yes, 'they' was."
>"Are you speaking some kind of urban dialect?"
"Can we worry about this some other time? Like, when we're out of this forest and clear of danger?"
>Spike giggled, "sorry, she's not too use to being wrong."
>"Spike! I am so, use to being wrong!"
>He sighed in response.
>"See what I mean?"
>Anon winked at him before returning his attention forward.
"So that magic, it felt familiar to you right?"
>"Yes, like I felt it before. Only very recently."
"Weren't you examining Starlight just before this trip?"
>>27156627
>Twilight gasped.
>"Yes, I was measuring her magic level. F-for science, of course... but you don't think she's responsible, do you? That's absurd!"
>Anon could only shrug in response.
"You're the one with the magic. You claimed the magic back there felt familiar and the only other magic you've been getting particularly, ah 'intimate' with recently has been Starlight's right? Or have you been 'examining' other unicorns?"
>"Yeah... I mean, no! To the last one, I mean. No. Only Starlight. Recently, that is."
>Her cheeks burned red as her eyes darted to and fro.
"Hm. How much further until the edge of the forest, do you think?"
>"Probably another twenty minutes or so. We didn't wander in too deep, if you recall. I didn't want to put Spike in too much danger."
>Spike huffed, "hey! I fought off a timber wolf before."
>"Yes, I know Spike. There's just much more dangers in here besides timber wolves. As made evident by whoever caused that explosion..."
>The group had wandered for nearly twenty minutes when Anon finally spotted a break in the seemingly endless woods.
"Alright then! We're almost out of here, but keep your eyes peeled. Even when we leave the woods, we won't be out of danger yet."
>They steadily moved closer and closer toward the shimmering light of the exit, when there came a low rumble from off to their side.
>"W-what was that?" asked Spike with voice aquiver.
"Don't worry, whatever it is it shouldn't follow us out of the woods. It didn't sound like any unicorn..."
>Anon could see structures on the distant horizon.
>They were almost out of the forest.
>The rumble boomed into a distinct roar.
>Movement rustled from within the forest.
>Anon staggered his gaze from side to side while trying to keep an eye on his footing.
>He spotted a lumbering mass lurching toward their group.
>The wooden creature was picking up speed.
"Go, go, go!"
>Anon fell back, urging Twilight and Spike ahead.
>>27156631
"What can we do to stop it, or slow it down at least?!"
>Anon shouted ahead.
>"I don't know!" Twilight shouted back in response, "I don't exactly have a treat on me we could throw to it as a distraction!"
>Thinking quickly, an idea sprung up in Anon's mind.
"Wait, it's made of wood!"
>"So?!"
"What have we learned today about wood?!"
>"It can become sentient and carnivorous?!"
"No, no, like in the clearing! The explosion!"
>"What?!"
"We can set it on fire!"
>Anon beamed as he stared at Spike who was still riding atop Twilight.
>"No, we can't!" Twilight cried out.
"What?! Why not?!"
>"It might burn down the whole Everfree forest! There are other creatures living here, peaceful and harmless creatures! I cannot condone destroying their homes or something worse, even if our lives depend on it!"
>Frustrated, Anon pushed on.
"Well what else can we do?!"
>"Wait until we're out in the open! If it follows us- but then what if it runs back into the forest while it's still on fire?!"
"We'll deal with it if it comes to that! You have a holding spell, don't you?!"
>Twilight's eyes managed to widen even further.
>"Yes!"
>Several strides through, the timber wolf crashed onto the non-existent trail they were using.
>Anon lurched forward, scooping up Twilight and Spike and hurling them all forward in one swift effort.
"Spike! I need you to breath fire at that thing as soon as it leaves the woods, got that?!"
>"Y-yeah..."
"Spike! Our lives depend on it! Twilight's life depends on it!"
>Spike's pupils dilated, he stared directly into Anon's eyes and for a split second Anon saw fire in them.
>"Yes!"
>They crashed through the last branches, Twilight and Spike in Anon's arms.
>Fatigue started to take hold in Anon's legs.
>The weight of his two friends, who were currently in danger, weighed down on his rather humble strength.
"Raaagh!"
>He pushed on as the beast behind them followed them out of the woods.
>>27156638
"Now, Spike, Twilight!"
>Anon called out, as he twisted around just enough to allow Spike's face a clear view of the timber wolf.
>Twilight peered as far as her generous neck could around Anon's opposite shoulder, preparing to cast a holding spell.
>Green flame spewed out from Spike's mouth, enveloping the beast within the searing heat.
>Anon could feel the hot burning on his back.
>Spike was giving it his all.
>Twilight's face grimaced in concentration, her horn aglow attempting to cast the powerful magic that would be required to hold that enormous thing.
>Seconds pass, Anon was still running, Spike was still exhaling fire, and Twilight was still trying to focus her energy.
"Well?! Is it working?! What's happening?!"
>"It- it's not working!" cried out Twilight.
>Spike stopped breathing fire and breathed heavily.
>"I can't- I can't keep- going. It's- not catching- fire." he spoke between breaths.
>Anon turned his head to look and spotted the last gout of green flame flow across the timber wolf's body harmlessly, and sparkles of purple magic glistering off with no effect.
>There was a brief moment where the wolf's body shimmered in a blue light before fading back to the natural dull browns.
>It was being protected.
"Can't you blast it, Twilight?!"
>"I can't... I just..."
"Teleport! Now!"
>Twilight gasped.
>There was a blast of energy and bright purple light.
>Suddenly, Anon was running through the halls of Twilight's castle.
>He screeched to a halt and looked around.
>After getting his bearings, he put Twilight and Spike down and then fell over completely exhausted.
>He gasped for energizing air.
"I think... you're going to... need a chat with... your pupil..."
>Twilight stared at him before looking down the hall with a resolute glare.
>"Spike, stay here."
>"But Twilight, I-"
>"Stay here! I need to deal with this alone."
>Luckily she told Starlight to keep an eye on the place.
>Twilight strode toward the spare quarters with authority in her gait.
>>27156644
>Starlight was in fact in her room at the time when a booming knock sounded at the door.
>She gazed in startled bewilderment at the interruption before trotting forward and opening it.
>Through the portal she bore witness to Princess Twilight Sparkle bearing a burning glare.
>"My dear pupil. I am ever so glad you happened to be in," she spoke as venom seeping from between gritted teeth.
>"T-Twilight? P-Princess? I- this is a surprise. I wasn't expecting you back so soon! Heheh..."
>Starlight's voice faltered in nervous laughter.
>"I am sure," Twilight spake through a forced smile.
>She unceremoniously entered the room, rounding on Starlight.
>"Tell me, my dear, dear pupil; what exactly have you been up to today?"
>Starlight fidgeted.
>"Uhm, well, mostly just practicing those spells you were teaching me-"
>"Oh?! Just practicing spells?!" Twilight barked.
>Starlight flinched, "Y-yes?"
>"Did you happen to be practicing them by the Everfree forest by chance?!"
>"N-no, what? Why would I be anywhere near there? I've been here in the castle pretty much the entire time you were gone!"
>Tears streamed from Starlight's eyes.
>She lifted a foreleg to wipe it away, peering over it in confusion.
>"W-why are you doing this?"
>Twilight's expression wavered, "is this some kind of act you're putting on? You had to have been there, I sensed your magic..."
"She wasn't there."
>Twilight's head snapped toward the door.
>Anon stood in the opening, hand holding a stitch in his side.
"Well, her present self wasn't."
>He stumbled inside before kneeling in front of Starlight.
"Well, she actually was there, but she herself wasn't there."
>"What are you going on about?" Twilight asked, confused.
>Anon gently placed a hand on Starlight's withers, comforting her.
"There, there. Twilight's just had a bit of a rough time today. She didn't mean anything."
>Starlight sniffled, looking up into Anon's eyes with gratitude.
"This Starlight wasn't the one who cast those spells."
>>27156649
>"How... but who else could it be? It was her magic I detected, I knew for sure when I tried holding the timber wolf! How do you know it wasn't her?!"
"Simple: we just ask."
>Twilight huffed.
>"Ok then," she turned back to Starlight, "Starlight Glimmer. Did you make an attempt on my life and the lives of my friends, Anon and Spike, today?"
>Her posture was that of commanding authority.
>"N-no, I could never... I changed! I'm a different pony than I use to be, I swear!"
>Starlight's eyes flowed renewed at the accusation.
>Twilight stared back at Anon.
"You know for someone as smart as you, you're being unusually daft."
>"What?!" Twilight responded incredulously.
"You're asking the wrong question. Starlight"
>Anon softly turned his hand, bringing her attention back to himself.
"Back before Twilight stopped you from using time travel to change the world, did you ever happen to use it for anything else besides interrupting Rainbow Dash's sonic rainboom?"
>"I- uhm, yes I think I might have..."
"You think? Starlight, I don't need you to think I need you to remember. Please."
>Starlight blinked, "yes. I remember now. When I first found the scroll, but before I saw Twilight's lecture and found out about the rainboom, I sneaked into Twilight's castle one night. I wanted to test it to make sure I could actually travel through time. I chose a short time into the future, so if it did work I wouldn't be stuck in the past if things went bad. I remember I came back to during the day, the first time's a doozy. Twilight almost spotted me laying on the floor in the main room-"
>"Almost? I did see you, and I thought you were being silly ducking around!"
>"O-oh. Well, I didn't know at the time! Anyway, yes, I ended up following her and Spike out into the woods. She was with some weird green alien guy and- oh!"
>She stared at Anon.
>"That was you! I tried... I tried to... no! That happened today?!"
>Anon solemnly nodded.
>>27156653
>"I... I'm so sorry, I didn't mean- if I had known that today was going to be that day, I would have stopped myself, I swear!"
>Anon shook his head vigorously.
"No, no, you're not in trouble! In fact if you did stop yourself, you might have altered history and who knows what might have happened then?"
>He patted her withers and turned back to Twilight with a beaming smile.
"See?! Everything is just dandy, no harm done! It wasn't her exactly who did it, and by now I'm sure she's had time to return to her own... well, time."
>Twilight looked in astonishment at Anon.
>"You're right... how could I have been so stupid?!"
>She slapped a hoof over her face.
>"Oh Celestia, why didn't I even remember the whole timeline debacle..."
"Hey now, don't beat yourself up about it. You were under duress, there was a lot of different dangers and stresses for you to deal with today. Mistakes were made, some words were said, and then some more to make sense of it. All water under the bridge now."
>"Yeah, but still how did you know she wasn't the one who did it?"
"Ahh, call it a gut instinct, you know. I may have a bit of a knack for problem solving is all. Speaking of which, I think somepony here is due for an apology."
>Anon gave Twilight a pointed look, glancing between her and Starlight.
>"Oh! Right! Starlight!"
>Starlight's sobbing stopped as her attention was snapped back to her formerly-scathing teacher.
>Twilight reached a hoof out toward her.
>"I am so very sorry for how I acted just a moment ago. I was wrong to jump to conclusions and think for even a second that you would try something like that. Er, well the present you anyway. Could you ever forgive me?"
>Starlight smiled brightly, standing up and moving forward.
>She embraced her teacher warmly.
>"I've done far worse things that have been forgiven much more quickly."
>Twilight returned the hug, and looked at Anon over her student's shoulder.
>Anon grinned, giving her a congratulatory wink.
Fin
>>27156662
Pastebin:
http://pastebin.com/QLDpcDes
In the next installment:
>"I won't always be there with my magic to protect you, or everypony else," Twilight stated resolutely.
>"I think you have proven I can trust you with this."
>Pinkie raced past as Anon stood stock still.
>"I've done all I can do! Do you have any ideas?" she asked rather gleefully in regard to the imminent danger she just escaped from.
>Anon turned, readying the device.
"Stand back. I got this."
>>27156668
Enjoyable short story. I suppose the title should have made the outcome obvious, but I was a bit surprised.
How long until your next story?
>>27157047
I was thinking of doing weekly installments. And since today is Fridayshame about no episode tomorrowI should have the next installment done and posted sometime next Friday.
>>27157069
I'll be waiting to see.
>>27157099
Das cute
>>27154441
>>27154347
Isn't there a little FartAnon in all of us?
>>27158023
No.
>>27158241
It's like I'm back in the 2nd grade.
>>27158274
Perhaps Anon is only 8.
>>27158274
>Anon has to repeat the 2nd grade because reasons
>Maybe ponies didn't believe him about being an adult or maybe the ponies couldn't verify Anon's qualifications and decided to test him, with him failing history
>It was probably the Princesses fucking around though.
>So now Anon is in second grade with a class full of ponies.
>Magic second grade, because these are magic ponies.
>Anon's sitting in his undersized chair at his undersized desk doing a worksheet.
>He is surrounded by childhorses in their properly-sized (for them) chairs and desks
>He is not a happy camper.
>>27158457
can anon be billy madison!
“Great, they are back to using toilet humor. We have gone full circle.”
>”That’s implying we left to begin with.”
“I never expected to see this day.”
>”What, were you hoping that after all this time they would improve?”
“No. I was hoping to be dead.”
Dohohohohoho
>>27158648
You know you love it. Otherwise you'd leave.
>>27158488
Go for it
>>27160177
Connect 4!
>>27160184
Pretty sneaky sis.You shall be the first to die
>>27156668
Great story yo! Enjoyed every second of it.
>>27150880
I know what I want now.
>Be Anonymous.
>Be in Ancient Equestria.
>Everybody else out worshiping Celestia or Luna or Discord or something.
>You worship The Great Grape. Everyone laughs at you, but they don't know why your faith is so strong.
>Your God talks to you.
>Even when you don't want her to.
>A knock comes from your door.
"Oh great..."
>You rise to your feet, open the door, and who should be standing there swaying while the griffins from Her chariot shit on your fucking lawn?
"Hello, Lady Berrysus." you mutter.
>"AAHHHH-*HIC*-HHHNOOOOOON~...HOW'S M'FAVORITE ACACOLYTE, BUDS?"
>She sways to one side, almost losing Her balance.
>With practiced speed, you dive down and hold her up.
"AAAAAAWWWWWW, THA'S THA -*HIC*- SHTUFF I SPECT FR'M MY NUMBER ONE PRIEST, WOOOOO!" Berrysus shouts as she holds her chalice high before tossing her head back and downing the contents.
"I...live to serve you, Lady Berrysu-"
>"SSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHH! SH SH SH SH SH!"
>She paps her hoof on your mouth a few times as She shushes you.
"Ano-Anon. Sshhh. Don' talk. I-I need to tell you somefing..."
>You look into her magenta eyes.
>"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII luf you, 'Nonymous. I luv you a whooooooole lot."
>You feel your cheeks redden.
"L-lady Berry-
>"GIB US A KISSY, AHNON!"
>Berrysus throws her chalice behind her and proceeds to make out...
>...with your eye.
>As She glides her tongue over your eyelid, you try to calm her down.
"Uhhm, Miss Berrysus, I think tha-"
>*hurk!*
>What?
>You look her in the eye long enough to catch her bringing her hooves to her mouth a second too late as the wine colored vomit comes rocketing out of her.
>It shoots out with such force that you're thrown against the wall at the rear of your house.
>When your vision clears, you see Berrysus passed out on the floor.
>She pissed herself.
>Fucking drunk Gods.
>Trixie in new episode
>Be Anon in Equestria
>Day 5 of operation Damocles
>The weather team has been diverted from cloudsdale to clean up the rainbow tsunami you unleashed through the power of superior human bullshittery
>Your estimates put it at at least another day before anyone can reach the magnifying-glass and prism you duct taped to a pole
>Plenty of time for you and the gang to pull this off clean
>On the balloon up to the floating city, your elite team of the finest hobo-ponies you could hire for pocket change stands ready
>And with a soft touchdown next to the factory you spring into action
"Move out, remember your training."
>The elite train-rustlers sweep out into the building, clearing corners and watching sixes
>The skeleton crew is overwhelmed before they know what's happening, and are bagged, gagged, and tagged.
>"Restrooms clear."
>"Offices clear."
>"Warehouse A clear"
>Reports continue and you move towards the main target
>The Cloudsdale primary storm processor
>A gargantuan machine that can supply all of equestria's weather needs on its own, should the need arise.
>You have grander designs for it.
"Get those bolts off, we need to get this thing moving out"
>Ponies swiftly begin disconnecting the machinery, severing clouds, and tying ropes around the weather-engine
>Within the hour the deed is done and you are on your way back to your hideout in the small town of ponyville
>The second team is waiting for you with the shipment from your contact in the Everfree, while a third group of vagrants stands ready to begin the modifications to the machinery
>By this time tomorrow, you will have achieved your dreams.
>The MegaBong shall no longer be the stuff of dreams, but a reality.
>>27162959
>Your estimates put it at at least another day before anyone can reach the magnifying-glass and prism you duct taped to a pole
Fuckin' A, that is hilarious and clever.
hi
>>27164629Write something, Pogo.
I'm drunk, send story ideas and I'll reply with garbage shorts.
>>27165721
Pinkie pie goes for a new record on simultaneous horsecocks in holes.
>>27165721
Bluefast goes too fast
>>27165721
Bluefast's wings turn into harmless garden snakes that keep trying to ineffectually bite her and everyone around her.
>"Now are the two of you going to play nice or are we going to have to keep you tied up like that?"
"You KNOW that this wasn't my fault, Time Turner! Anon--"
>"Ah, ah, ah! I didn't ask for an explanation, I asked if the two of you were going to stop jumping at each other every five seconds."
>Your eyes narrowed as you stared up at your "friends"
>You wiggled around, checking to see if the ropes securing you were tight
>...Horse apples, they were...
>Mr. Cake really knew how to tie a knot...
>You turned to glare at Anon, who was just as tied up as you
>"You know, if you didn't hate fun so much we wouldn't be tied up like this," he said matter-of-factly
>You nearly spat
"And if you could CONTROL yourself for five minutes I wouldn't have to watch you like I do," you retorted
>Time Turner, Mr. Cake, Thunderlane and Spark Plug looked at each other
>"You know we can just keep judging the flanks with you tied up like this," Spark Plug pointed out. "Then we wouldn't have to stop ever five seconds
>Anon's eyes widened
>"Don't you fucking dare do that!" he said, struggling against his bonds. "Don't you cock block me like that! Don't you do it!"
>Anon fell onto his side, wiggling around like a worm
>Rolling his eyes, Mr. Cake walked over and placed a hoof on his back, holding him in place
>"We won't as long as you Pinkie Promise to stop with all of your horse apples. We're all starting to have fun and you two are ruining it."
>Anon froze at that
>"...Really?"
>The fellas nodded and Anon grimanced
>Regret washed over his features as he looked down at the ground
>"...Alright then, I'll be good. And I'm sorry. Just untie me and I'll go ahead and do the Pinkie Promise."
>Mr. Cake and the rest smiled at that
>"Don't worry, Anon dear, we know that you just get excited easily," Mr. Cake kindly said, leaning down to untie him
>>27166456
>Time Turner walked over to you, an eyebrow raised
"..."
>"..."
"I'm not apologizing."
>"We're not asking you to apologize," Time Turner said with a shrug. "We just want you to promise that you'll quit fighting."
>...
>Buck it
>You weren't going to lay here tied up all day
"Fine. But I want to see Anon do the Pinkie Promise first."
>"I promise that I'll be good and I'll do my best to stave off the booty lust. Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye."
>Looking over you could see Anon going through the motions with Pinkie Pie standing right next to him
>Which was even better
>Nopony wanted to break a Pinkie Promise if they could help it but you DOUBLY didn't want to break it if Pinkie was there to witness it
>...
>You remember the last time somepony broke a Pinkie Promise that was done in front of the party pony
>...
>It didn't end well...
>A happy noise escaped Pinkie's throat as Anon finished up by lightly poking his eye
>"Yay! Now we can get back to inspecting butts!" the pink pony chirped, hopping into Anon's lap
>The human's hands twitched, and for a second you though that he was about to sign his own death warant as his hands drifted down to her flank
>But, in a remarkable show of willpower (for him at least), Anon just placed his hands in the middle of the mare's back, giving her a little hug
>...
"Alright, untie me. I'll do the stupid Pinkie Promise."
>After you were untied and your oath was struck and Pinkie got out of Anon's lap you and the fellas turned back to the remaining Pegasi, all of whom were waiting impatiently for you to get on with it
>>27166460
>And get to it you did
>Since Anon had been cowed with the threat of a Pinkie Promise being held over his head you and the fellas got to take over for most of the judging
>Though a part of you thinks that Anon just wasn't that much of a fan of smaller flanks and didn't want to spend that much time on them
>And, being an earth pony, you could understand that
>But, as time went on and you got to judging more and more flanks you started to get an appreciation for pegasi butt
>You liked the firmness
>You liked that the better ones were just big enough to play with but not big enough to drown in
>You also liked how tight and perky they were
>If you didn't know that your parents would KILL you if you herded with a pegasus you might have tried to get one of your own
>You had to give it to Anon: he was really right when he said that pegasi were compact
>"Nah; you boys keep those hooves away from these buns."
>You and the fellas frowned as Blossomforth stared at you resolutely
>The mare had her neck bent at an impossible angle as she did this, not moving the rest of her body at all
>You knew that Blossom was a contortionists but it was still weird seeing a pony bend like that
>The mare knew this, which was probably why she was doing it; partially to look at you and partially to keep you away
>And it worked
>You weren't getting near her while she was doing... THAT
>"How are we going to judge you then?" Thunderlane demanded. "We HAVE to poke at your rump!"
>Snorting, Blossom nudged her head toward Anon
>"I don't want YOU touching my flank; I want that one over there to do it," she said, licking her lips
>Mr. Cake's nose scrunched up
>"Sweetie, even though Anon here is an expert on flanks I'm sure we can--"
>"Not a single one of you has made a mare cum; he has," Blossom interrupted. "So I want him and those spider-hooves of his to work their magic on me."
>...
>Ew
>Now remembered why you didn't like to hang around this mare...
>>27166460
>Giving her flank a quick once over you checked to see if you could give her a super low score like you had with Rainbow Dash
>...
>Shoot, you don't think so... and, since there's not really any rules against Blossom's demand, you couldn't just kick her out...
>You all looked at Anon
>You could see that a single bead of sweat was dripping down the human's forehead
>...
>Looking back you could see that Blossom was also staring at Anon
>...Though she had folded herself so that she was looking at him with her head tucked in between her back legs
>...He was doomed
>"Come on, Anon," she cooed, giving her rump a shake as she gave Anon her best bedroom eyes. "You know you want to give these buns a squeeze~"
>Anon's hands opened and closed, and he looked over at Pinkie
>The mare pointed at him, mouthing the word "FOREVER!" at him
>Nevertheless, since he was a "professional", Anon stepped up and kneeled down
>"Alright, super bendy pone," Anon said nervously. "If you'd assume a more normal position I can get on with the judging."
>Blossomforth giggled, unbending herself so that she was standing regularly
>"There you go sweetheart," she purred, her tail flicking out of the way
>Not being made out of stone, you walked over and placed a hoof on his shoulder
>Thunderlane also made his presence known, pressing himself against the human
>Even though you weren't too happy with your friend right now you were going to be with him through this
>Because that's what friends do: make sure that their buddies don't lose their minds and break a Pinkie Promise because of a REALLY flexible mare that just wants to get off
>...
>Friendship was weird...
>Giving you both a weak smile, Anon grabbed the edges of Blossom's panties and tenderly pulled them down
>Blossom bit her lip as he did so, her tail flicking back and forth
>"Come on, hot stuff, don't be shy~"
>As Anon let her panties drop to the stage Blossom's tail flicked again, giving you an... eyeful
>>27166474
>With a tense, jerky motion Anon's hands found themselves on Blossom's rump
>"A-Alrighty then. Lets--"
>"Aha~"
>"--Let's get judging."
>Anon's fingers dug into the mare's flank, squeezing and tugging and pulling
>He didn't leave an inch of Blossom's rump untouched, much to the mare's delight
>Though you could tell that he wasn't enjoying it as much as he probably wanted to
>But a Pinkie Promise was a Pinkie Promise, and he wasn't going to break one
>Every few seconds Blossom would let out a groan or flick her tail out of the way or give her rump a wiggle, trying to rile up Anon anyway that she could
>And throughout all of her teasing you had to give it to Anon
>He actually DID handle it very well
>Even when he was rubbing his face against the mare's flank and Blossom was making enough noise to wake the dead he didn't break\
>Though you were ready to give Blossom a piece of your mind
>And it looked like you weren't alone
>By the time it was all over, there were about a dozen or so mares GLARING at Blossom, some of them muttering angrily amongst themselves
>Hopefully Blossom would get her flank kicked after this was over...
>You and the fellas were feeling... less than comfortable and Anon looked like he had just gotten back from a war zone
TO make matters worse there was a puddle of... juices at Blossom's hooves
>...Ew...
>"Alright, i-it looks like w-we got our first t-ten outta t-ten," Anon said, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out his marker
>His hand shook as he brought the marker and put a ten on her flank
>Blossom, sweaty and breathing hard, let out a breathless giggle as she looked back at the number written down on her bottom
>"Oh! Awesome!" she chirped, giving her rump one final shake. "Looks like I'll be a finalist then and--"
>You ignored whatever else the mare said as you watched Anon walk over to you like a zombie
>He stopped a few feet from you and sat down, and without a second thought you all crowded around him
>>27166479
"I'm proud of you, Anon," you said, patting him on the shoulder. "That must not have been easy."
>"Yeah, epecially with Blossom acting like a bucking slut," Time Turner said, giving the pegasus a glare
>Blossomforth just giggled, making kissy faces at him
>The bitch...
"Do you need a minute to collect yourself?" you kindly asked
>Anon nodded, and without saying a word he gave you his marker, his unfocused eyes staring at nothing and everything
>...
>He'd be alright...
>Turning back toward the row of mares you looked around
"Alright, who's next?" you asked
>And that was when you saw it
>The flank of the hottest, most sought after mare in all of Ponyville
>A flank which was lacking a number
>Some say that when she was born Celestia herself began to weep tears of both joy and sorrow
>Others say that when she was little she managed to stop a raging Ursa Major with nothing but a rubber band and two pencils
>The mare before you was breathtaking in every way
>She was a goddess of beauty
>A model of mareliness
>Somepony who you didn't have a snowballs chance of ever herding with, no matter how much you wanted that dream to come true
>Motherbucking Derpy Hooves
>"Hiya, Caramel!" the mare chirped, the golden diamonds that were her eyes settling on you
>You couldn't help but giggle as you hid you face with a hoof so that she wouldn't see you blushing
>She... She knew your name!
"Hiya, D-Derpy," you managed to say, trying and failing not to swoon
>You take back what you said about your parents being mad about you bringing a pegasus home
>If your moms and dad saw you bringing one like this home they'd be so proud that you'd sure that they'd burst to pieces
>Oh you'd bet that Derpy would take you to the NICEST places whenever you want out on dates
>You could see yourself now: your mom walking you down the aisle
>Derpy would be right there with a big smile--
>"So are you gonna be the one to judge my bottom?" Derpy asked, knocking you right out of your WONDERFUL fantasy
>>27166484
>Not that you were made at her for doing it
>You could NEVER be mad at her...
>Never ever
>And that's when it hit you
>You were going to be TOUCHING Derpy's flank
>You were going to lay your hooves on one of the hottest mares in all of Ponyville, if not the world!
>...
>You take back what you said
>Anon was the best
>He was the best for setting this up and you were thrilled to be here
>THIS WAS THE BEST DAY EVER!
>A squee escaped your throat, but you managed to (mostly) cover it up by loudly clearing your throat
"Y-Yep, I'll be look--ugh!"
>"Actually, ALL of us are gonna judge you, Derpy," Thunderlane said, shoving his hoof into--
>Ew...
>You can taste where his hooves have been...
>The fellas all crowed around you, Mr. Cake, included, slightly too big smiles on their faces
>Whoo
>Way to let the hay fall out of your pockets boys...
>Derpy blinked, the act making your heart flutter, before she smiled, which almost made you want to get down on your knees and worship this fine, fine, FINE specimen
>"Okie dokie!" she chirped presenting her dfkjvbsldfjb!
>...
>Shaking your head, you quickly wiped the drool that was making its way down your chin
>Keep it together, Caramel!
>KEEP IT TOGETHER, COLT!
>THISISYOURONEANDONLYBUCKINGCHANCE!
>There was some pushing, a bit of biting and some shoving as you all tried to make your way over to Derpy but, as luck would have it, you wound up face-to-face with the famous bubble butt
>A flank that was hoof crafted by Faust herself whilst a chorus of angels sang
>And it was PERFECT
>Though pretty much every mare had elected to wear a pair of panties Derpy had wisely chosen to walk the road less traveled and wear nothing at all
>OhsweetbabyLunalookatit!
>Youweren'tworthy!
>You covered your mouth with your hooves
>From beside you you could hear Thunderlane gasp
>A thud from your left signaled that the sight of the PERFECT flank had been too much for Spark Plug
>>27166486
>And while you felt yourself getting lightheaded, your heart POUNDING in your chest, you nevertheless reached out to touch Derpy's bottom
>The bottom to end all bottoms
"A-Alright. Here w-we go..."
>Though you were barely touching her bottom you could feel yourself slipping out of your sheath
>The softness of her fur...
>The perkiness...
>The bounciness...
>Her cutiemarks...
>Even her smell...
>You bit your lip as you let your hooveswander up and down the jaw-dropping bubble butt before you
>At first your pokes and touches were light, but as time went on you got more and more daring and rougher and rougher with your groping
>"O-Oh... That's nice," Derpy murmured, pressing her butt against your hoof. "Keep squeezing like that~"
>Your breath caught in your throat as your cock slapped against your belly
>OhsweetCelestiayouweresobuckinghardrightnow!
>Out of the corner of your eye you watched as Thunderlane, whose lil' Thunder was twitching against his stomach, reached over and touched Derpy's butt
>"Wow," he breathed, a blush on his face. "Look at it..."
>He gave Derpy's flank a squeeze
>Derpy, her wings slowly extending, let out another moan, her tail flicking out of the--ddfkjvnldfvfbvdkjf!
>You bit your lip hard as your stallionhood twitched
>"I love my wife, I love my wife, I love my wife," you could heard Mr. Cake chant from behind you
>To right you could see Time Turner's hoof reaching out to Touching Derpy's buns as well
>Derpy's rump flexed and she wiggled it around
>Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!
>Don'tyoubuckingcumstallion!
>Don'tyoubuckingdoit!
>Not trusting yourself not to lose it, you didn't lean in and nuzzle Derpy's rump
>...Even though you really, really, REALLY wanted to...
>Instead you, with your cock out for all to see, uncapped Anon's marker and silently put a ten on Derpy's flank
>>27166490
>Derpy looked back at her rump with a smile
>"Aw, neat!" she chirped. "Thank's Caramel!"
>From beside you, Thunderlane hit the floor, out like a light
>Your eyes widened as Derpy turned around
>Oh no...
>She lifted up a hoof
>Oh sweet Celestia no...
>She assumed the booping position
>OH SWEET CELESTIA, LUNA, CADENCE, AND TWILIGHT NO!
>You stood there frozen as Derpy's hoof made its way toward your snoozle
>Your cock twitched, a bit of precum splashing against the floor
>You knew what was going to happen
>The second that Derpy touched your nose you were going to cum and you were going to do it HARD
>If that happened, and if you soaked Derpy like you were guessing that you were going to do, you were going to be the laughingstock of Ponyville
>You'd have to skip town, change your name, work as a stripper in some rundown donkey strip club
>...Just like what happened with your cousin...
>You tried to move out of the way with all of your might, to stop this travesty in the making, but you couldn't
>Derpy's bewitching gaze held you firmly in place
>You couldn't look away from those golden eyes; you were trapped
>This was it... this was when your social life died complete--
>"Easy there Derpy. You're about to kill the poor guy."
>Before Derpy's hoof touched your nose a hand blocked its way
>Both you and Derpy looked up to see Anon standing right there, looking a good deal more collected than he had before
>...
>Derpy smiled
>"Hiya, Anon!" she said, waving her hoof around
>You let out a sigh, nearly flopping to the ground in relief
>Oh by Luna's flaming teats was that a close one...
>Anon smiled at the mailmare
>"So it looks like you got a ten out of ten huh?"
>>27166495
>Derpy nodded with a happy--
>NO!
>LOOK AWAY FROM HER, CARAMEL!
>LOOK AWAY FROM HER!
>YOU WERE GOING TO LOSE IT IF YOU CONTINUED TO STARE AT PERFECTION LIKE THIS!
>"Yep! It looks like my bottom was a good one!"
>Anon ruffled the mare's mane, making her giggle, before he leaned down and grabbed both you and Thunderlane, carrying you away from Derpy
>You were silent as Anon set you down and he started trying to wake up Thunderlane
"I... I think I understand you now, Anon," you said after a minute. "I think I understand why you're so bucking crazy all the time."
>"Just give it a minute or two, Caramel. The first bout of booty madness is hard for everone," Anon said, slapping Thunderlane in the face
>The stallion's eyes shot open
>"Who?! What?! Where?!"
>You watched as Anon sat the pegasus down, more dropped him really, and stood up
>He turned and smiled down at you
>It was a knowing smile, a understanding smile
>You had just walked a mile in Anon's shoes and he was delighted that you did
>You were... conflicted, and still ACHINGLY hard, but mostly conflicted
>"Why don't I get the rest of the mares while you and the other guys calm yourselves down a little bit?" Anon suggested, ruffling your mane
>You didn't even bother to slap away his hoof, simply nodding
"...You do that."
>Hoofing Anon his marker back you looked over at the crowd of mares that you JUST remembered were watching you
>...
>They were all staring at your junk weren't they?
>For a moment you consider covering yourself up but you just can't seen to gather up the will to do so
>Buck it
>Your beliefs had just been turned upside down staring at that flank
>You could be horrified later
>AFTER you survived all of... THIS
>...Yeah
>>27166497
>By the time you and the boys had recovered you noticed that Anon had finished with the last of the pegasi
>To your surprise the number of ten's was a lot smaller than the earth pony group
>There was that BITCH Blossomforth, D-Derpy and...
>"Hello boys~" CloudChaser cooed, wiggling her rump at you
>Urgh...
>You and the boys stared up at Anon, who shrugged
>"Hey, whatever you think about her she has a nice butt," he told all of you
>...
>Horse apples...
>She does
"Alright, what are we gonna do for these finalists?" you asked
>Anon grinned
>"I'm glad that you asked!" he said, clapping his hands together. "Hey ladies! Could you bring up those bricks up here please?"
>...Bricks?
>Following Anons gaze you watched as a group of earth ponies started to carry a bunch of bricks onto the stage, stacking them on top of each other
>Anon turned toward the crowd
>"Even though pegasi are a lot smaller and a good deal weaker than their earth pony counterparts that doesn't mean that they're fragile!" he said. "In fact, if you don't count alicorns, pegasi are probably the most durable of the races."
>You eyed the bricks carefully
>To be honest they didn't look anything out of the ordinary
>They might have been a little thicker than an average brick but other than that they looked normal...
>"A pegasus can break the sound barrier, lose control, hit the ground and walk away from it with barely a limp. Everything from the tips of their snouts to their rumps are made to take one hell of a beating."
>Anon smiled as some of the mares in the crowd jeered good naturedly at the double entendre
>"And not only can they take one hell of a beating they can dish it out too! I'm sure many of you have had a pegasus smash through your wall or fuck up your mail box once upon a time."
>You frowned
>...Bucking Rainbow Dash
>>27166500
>That jerk STILL hadn't offered to pay you for your mailbox...
>"And that destructive power is what we're gonna test here. What we're gonna have these ladies--"
CRACK!
>A thunderous crack unlike any that you had ever heard before came from behind you
>The stage and the very earth below it shook so hard that you, the fellas, Anon and some of the mares in the crowd lost their footing
>WHATTHEBUCKWASTHAT?!
>ISTHISANEARTHQUAKE?!
>You covered your head and closed your eyes, waiting for whatever this was to pass
>When it did you picked up your head and opened your eyes
>You could see every single mare in the crowd looking past you with surprise, shock and mystification
>Confused as to why they were looking where they were looking you looked over your shoulder
>Derpy was sitting human-style on a stack of bricks, her keister hanging off their edge
>The stack was about thirty stacks high and every single one of them was split down the middle
>The wooden floorboards all around the bricks were cracked as well, some of them were even completely snapped in half
>You hadn't the foggiest clue as to how Derpy managed to sit on those broken bricks like that without falling off
>...
>How the HAY did she do that?
>She was--
>They did--
>Why would--
>Derpy, who was humming a little tune to herself as she kicked her back legs, completely oblivious to the destruction that she had just caused, noticed that you were all staring at her
>She looked at all of you, then she looked at all the damage, before she grinned sheepishly
>"Oops... sorry. These bricks just looked like such a good place to sit--"
"Derpy wins."
>>27166504
>Anon slowly nodded, looking just as confused and as shocked as the rest of you
>"Yep, Derpy wins."
>"Derpy wins," Thunderlane said
>"Yep," Mr. Cake and Spark Plug said
>Time Turner nodded as well
>"She wins as long as she keeps that rump away from me."
>...Heresy
>You'd die HAPPY if it meant getting a face full of that rump...
>Derpy looked at all of you before a huge smile came to her face
>"Yeah!" she cried, throwing her hooves in the air
>In doing so she lost her balance and fell off the bricks with a yelp butt fi--
>Oh sweet Celestia no!
>From behind you the crowd shouted as Anon launched himself forward
"Anonbuckingcatchher!"
>"I'mgoingtoCaramel!"
"Don'tletherhitthebuckinggroundIDON'TWANTTODIE!"
>You would have liked to say that he made it
>But he didn't
>...
>He didn't
>>27166508
Alright, I'm done
>>27166513
Lub u bby
>>27166513
You have good taste in pony butts.
>>27166513
>>27168523
Lives dangerously
What was the first AiE story you guys read?
Still remember mine, Bros in Equestria.rip mandroid
>>27169760Rebels in Equestria
I may technically have skimmed a few stories here and there when AiE was on page 0, but that was the one that got me to actually click into the thread.
>>27169760
I'm pretty sure it was F1 racing in Equestria by Serrated.
Do the original Rainbro Dash shorts count? If not,
Spin the Bottle, Bros in Equestria andShermanator's
My Little Anon or whatever he called it.
May they all rip in ripI also remember a PaleNarrator story being somewhat early but I may be misremembering and it seems like his pastebin has been kill too.
DoubleRIP
>>27170007
>Spin the Bottle
oh shit I remember that
>>27169760
BiE is close in the running, but not my first. Took a while to finally develop the willpower to start reading that beast. I honestly can't remember what I read first.
>>27169944
That's still being updated you know?
>>27169760
Read some Flutterrape and Rainbro stories
got hooked, fug
>>27169760
Something from dashisbestpone in the days before time.
>>27170019
Ayyy, what it do/k/unt
>Day 20 in Equestria
>Rainbow dash brought you pizza so you're going to go eat it instead of have adventures today
>She's a total bro
>Today was a good day.
>>27170346
Whatabro/10
>>27165721
Prince arrives in horseyland and shames Anon at basketball.
>>27171504
>Ponice arrives in horseyland and shames anon in horseketball
Sure, i'll give that a go
>Be Anon in ponyworld
>Chilling out, having a good time in the park by the school
>Shooting some rings with the local youths
>Some ponies in gimp suits trot up
>"We're the ponice and we challenge you to a basketball horse duel"
>You pull out your Concealed Carry Weapon and shoot the one who challenged you
>"Why did you shoot him?"
"It was a duel."
>"That's not how basketball horse duels work, you moron. You don't just shoot at each other, it's a kind of basketball game."
>You feel embarrased and ashamed
>Then you beat him to death with a basketball and slam-dunk his head off
>This ruins the hoop and you are shunned by the other ballers
>You feel shame
>>27165721
Anon is hired to be ponyville's garbage man
>>27171718
It's boring and repetitive. he eventually tries to empower himself with threats of not picking up the trash to homeowners because the can wasn't exactly 90 degrees square to the curb or other half assed reasons.
A single call to the city hall get his boss to whup him back down to bitch status again.
Repeat every six months.
>>27170007
>PaleNarrator
>Spin the Bottle
>Shermanator
All dem feels
Wait, what happened to palenarrator?
>>27172417Eaten by ice weasels
I got a hypothetical question, let's say that you finally got to equestria but you were given two choices:
1) Go home with all your memories of the time you spent there. The only physical things you can bring back are the ones that came with you in the first place.
2) You can choose to stay, but with each day you stay ponies will start fading away, they'll still be there but you will no longer be able to see or interact with them, or they you.
Which would you choose?
>>27169760
Faggot I'm still around.
>>27172417
Had to get a job and didn't have as much time anymore, he's said he regrets nuking his bin and would take it back if he could though.
>>27172654
3. Disregard mares, get paid.
Is it just mess of writefag prompting threads that the janitors dislikef now or do they go for individual dumb prompts such as >>27172654 too?
>>27172654
2 is basically 1 without being able to go home eventually.
>>27173072
lol wut?
>>27170007
>>27172417
>>27172871
https://mega.nz/#!3txTgYJA!nIRZUBLaEmA-JtM5XnCoqbupbvH1rBXS5B1_eqCKeOs
>>27173072
The low-quality shitposting and writefag bait threads are banned. In-thread prompts are still fine since it doesn't clutter the catalog with garbage.
>>27172417
>tfw I can't find any of Sherm's old 'title cards' I know I saved.
But yeah mang.
Sherm, Mandroid, Aether and Pale were my shit for a long time. Leucine too for that matter. I regret not thanking them for their time when I could.
And now only one remains.
>>27172871Thank you for hours of entertainment.
>>27174304
Ayyy, thanks m80
>>27175156
Aether had to turn into a functioning adult fast, but I remember he updated something a while back, I should bug him about that.
Pale you know about now.
Leucine was actually published in that gay horse image pack that one gigantic Tumblr faggot puts out, I forget the name, I just remember that it has stories now and Leucine's was one of the ones picked.
>>27175185
Oh? Well there's some closure at least.
Cheers.
Do me a favor and rattle them a bit for me if you're still in contact with them.And you keep writing too.
>>27175269
I'll write again once I get through this monstrous mountain I call "my backlog". I'm tired of having my free time dominated by either my desire to write or my desire to actually digest these games I have, so one is on hold until I can finish the other.
>>27172871
geez get a life already mandroid!<3
Tripfags in EquestriaI expected you guys to be past 1100 at least, but this place really has lost its glory.
>>27176849
>Day tripfags in equestria
>You are anon i guess
>You're a tripfag though so we toss you into a volcano
>Fuck you deus ex machina that's why and how
>Today was one post closet to 1100
Any stories with ponies getting buttfucked? Preferably not enjoying the act.
>>27177435
>Any stories with ponies getting buttfucked?
Most any clop story.
>Preferably not enjoying the act.
Oh, never mind. Wait, http://pastebin.com/f2jMVnhx
>>27177643
A modern classic.
>Bedtime in Equestria.
"What are you doing, Luna?"
>You shuffle out to the balcony where she sits, staring up at the starry night sky.
>"I'm just arranging some of the stars. But don't look yet."
>You put your hand up to shield your eyes, resisting the temptation.
"This is really a hobby for you, isn't it?"
>She smiles even wider.
>"Indeed. The possibilities for the sky are virtually endless. So many stars, each of them with a story to tell."
"It never fails to disappoint, Luna."
>She giggles as you put your other arm around her neck.
>"Okay, you can look now."
>You pull your hand away from your eyes, and crane your neck upwards.
"'Celestia is a cow.' Really, Luna?"
>Luna can contain herself no longer as she lets out a burst of laughter.
>"LUNA!"
>Celestia's voice echoes out through the castle, the volume turned up to Royal Canterlot Voice level.
>"Say, how about a night flight. Let's go!"
>Using her magic, Luna lifts you onto her back, and the two of you hastily take flight.
>Just another typical night in the castle.
>You're in Canterlot and your eyes hurt.
>You're in canterlot because you dodged Hercule "Sparkle" Poirot and her investigations.
>Which in hindsight was pretty easy, you just didn't do anymore magic. For the best really.
>You were behaving like a teenager on his first drunken bender. Too much, too soon and you woke up in a ditch with a blazing hangover.
>Metaphorically speaking.
>Your eyes hurt because Captain Kirk or whoever is in charge of the guards decided to say 'Shields up'.
>Why the fuck they need the purple dome of doom for a wedding is beyond you but looking at it made your eyes itch.
>The place is crawling with guards too, what kind of fucked up wedding is this?
>Either way, you'll find out soon enough. Pank went off to do bridesmaid stuff with the others, said she'd come get you when it starts.
>Hope she hasn't forgotten, it's been hours and pinkie can get a bit scatter brained over parties, weddings too most likely.
>But in the meantime you can hold a more Earthly wedding rite. Getting drunk beforehand, so the inevitable wedding reception is less cringe worthy.
>Watching a family unit 'party' is not something a sober man can witness, and you doubt it's any different here.
>You still have flashbacks about the shit your Uncle Incognito pulled at the last wedding you went to.
>Maybe that's what the guards are for. There's a horde of pony Uncle Incognito's waiting to run riot.
>"Barpony! Another!"
>As you set the fresh pint of golden liquid to your lips there's the sound of shattering glass and a scream in the distance.
>Heh. Guess Uncle Incognito has started early.
>But the sound of screams gets louder, and different voices are screaming.
>>27178451
>What the fucking is going on out there?
>Setting down your pint and walking out into the street, you see a bizarre sight.
>Screaming ponies running around like headless chickens and guard ponies fighting with black ponies?
>The fuck? They've got holes in them and they're kind of insectoid looking too. Uewgh.
>As you stand there feeling confused two of the black ponies crash into the ground in front of you.
>One fires a blast of green magic from its horn. It impacts your shoulder causing you to take a step back to maintain your balance.
>"What the hell?"
>The second, seeing you aren't injured charges up a larger blast. This one catches you square in the chest.
>Your back smashes into the saloon doors as your sent flying back inside.
>The creatures follow you inside, no doubt intending further attempt at harm.
>A red mist of alcohol fueled anger descends on you.
>You hurl a bar stool at one of the creatures, it goes down in a tangle of bar stool and legs.
>The second shoots another blast of magic at you, as it hits your chest you feel the familiar sensation of fire ants in your blood.
>The realization that you're a wizard now penetrates your drunken anger.
>Flinging out your arm you bellow in rage as the creature floats into the air before exploding in a shower of blood and chitin.
>>27178457
>The first insectoid pony has freed itself from the bar stool, fleeing outside before it ends up like its friend.
>You follow it, only to be confronted by a dozen of the creatures lined up outside.
>The fleeing changeling takes its place in line and they open up with their magic.
>Screaming in agony you collapse to one knee, it feels like your blood is on fire.
>The pain acts as a lightning rod for your anger.
>A wave of magic erupts from your body as you try to expel it unshaped by any spell, not that you know many to begin with.
>As it impacts the insectoids there's a series of hissing screams before they each detonate in a shower of gore.
>Breathing heavily, you push yourself to your feet, the pain has lessened to a dull itch.
>Looking skywards you see the purple dome of doom is gone, instead the sky is dark with insect ponies.
>"Fuck me."
>>27178472
>You are Sargent Major Thrusting Spear.
>And you just finished vomiting into a fountain.
>You thought today would be an easy day. The captain rolls out the guard for his wedding.
>Just a bit ceremonial showiness, no heavy duty.
>Then changelings attacked and even worse the shield went down.
>Everything has gone to poop. FUBAR. Fluffed up beyond all recognition.
>You tried to rally your squad but there was too many.
>Just you and Private Showers escaped. Luckily you heard yelling and sounds of fighting in the nearby square.
>You thought it must be another squad holding out.
>"I'M FROM BUENOS AIRES AND I SAY KILL'EM ALL"
>Instead you found the human, you don't know his name.
>But he's been yelling evil human hexes and exploding changelings with his foul human magics.
>Privates Showers fainted when you both got showered with changeling bits, only your experience and steely will kept you conscious.
>Daddy didn't raise no colt cuddling pansy. No sir-*splat*
>"BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!"
>Is that an eyeball on your snout? Yes it is.
>*horse vomit sounds*
>>27178488
>You are Anon.
>And you might be going mad with power.
>Shit quickly escalated to say the least, you've gone from having a drink to fighting for your life.
>Honestly you're surprised you're not dead.
>"BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!"
>But then maybe you shouldn't be. Twilight showed you the history books.
>Even in wars no-one gets killed, just the snot beaten out of them.
>Oh fuck. You might be the first mass murderer. Way to ruin it Anon.
>Wait. Is that a piano? Looking around it's obvious to you that no one is breaking into song.
>So why the fuck is there music? Oh no. That's why. There's a wall of purple shit heading your way.
>For the love of god, please don't be magi-"RAAAAWWWAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH"
http://pastebin.com/fAz0cZ0F
>>27178495
Good night, thread!
>>27180128
gnightfag
>>27165721
Something with pone and Anon
>
>"Hey Bro, why don't you like me?"
"I like you Rainbro, but damn them horse lips are ugly."
>"B.b.but I have superior horse pussy!"
"Yeah, too bad that pussy game looks like a bad Arby's sandwich."
>"W.w.well what about anal?"
"Yo just take no for an answer Rainbro, you're a rad bro, but you're a terrible gurl. Sides, I'm all bout that bug pussy gaem."
>"WHAT!?" She screams as you put an arm around Chrysalis
"We out."
>Today was whatever
>>27182917
>In bed that night with Chryssi
>"Amazing as always, Anon. You are the best at sex."
"Ay thx bby."
>"I've been thinking, though... why did you turn down Rainbro?"
"Horsevag is nasty."
>"Are you saying my vag is nasty?"
"Bby no, you've got a bughorsevag. That's maybe half the nastiness of a normal horsevag."
>"So you're open to the idea?"
"Not much, but I guess. Where are you going with this?"
>"I'm cool with horsevag. I'm also cool with threesomes. Go find Rainbro tomorrow."
"A'ight."
>Tonight was whatever
>Day painful erection Sunday in Equestria.
>They are having a hotdog eating contest.
>The rules state that they are not allowed to chew.
>This seemed like a better idea on paper.
>Now you have to perform the Heimlich maneuver on Rainbow Dash.
![large[1].png](https://i.imgur.com/uRVkYrl.png "large[1].png")
D̳͎̪̝̠̲͉e̹̲͕̲̦̜͜a̷̞̜̼̯̹̪r̨̥̞͈̩̘̳ ͇̹̱̦́P̲̠͞ͅri͍̺̙͔n͜c̙̟͓̜͕̼̘̀ȩ̘̯̳̹͎s̬̕ͅs̘̗̤̫ ̡͙̰̞̙̳̱C̵͙̥̣̻ͅe̻̯̙̼͢l̠͎͓̤e̝̘̝s̛̮͖t͔͕̬͙i̙̪͎̬̳a͡,̬̮͔̰̤
̦I̫̮͠ ̰̳̞n͚̮̞̯e͞e͔̳d̴̮̫̤̱ͅ ͓̤̳̟̤̻̕y͚̣ǫ̺͉̬͍̤̳u͎͕ͅ ̞̜̙̯t̶̖o̩̦͓̳̟̣͞ ̯̕g̝e̱̕t ͈̼͎̼͙̝͠o͖̣͓v͓̜͖̯ḛ̵͙̬̮͖̻̰r̥̰̭͚͔̟ ̲̯̫͇ͅh̰͔̹̜̗̠e̜̣̣̤r̙e͈̪͎̥ ͇͠A̖S̼̘͜ͅḀ̶͙̗̙P͉̕ ͇a̪͓ņ͇̳d͉͎ ̥͇͖fi̻͇̻̦̗̬̝x̯̣̞͘ ̱̙̭̥͉͔̗w̹̠̝̦̣̬͕ḩ͇͕̘͎͔̩ͅa͓̪ͅt̢e̠̰̹͞ͅv̰͚̜͓̦e̩̲ͅr ̲̟̪̖u̖͚͇͟nh͎ọ̹͖l͉͓y҉̹ͅ ̝͕̠aḅ̭͈͈̙̣̲͘o̸̯͈m̢̙̭i͎̱̱̠na̛͔̟̱̳̬̰̹t͍̱͉͕̥͎i͇̜̲͉̝͍o̵̮̹͕ṉ̡̘ͅ ̙̳̕T҉̬͓̪̼̦w̷̜̫̜̤̺i̯̺͠l̴͇i̙͚̦̞̩g̞̭̜̫h͘ṱ̭͚͓̜ ͉̬̩̥͢s͖̳͖̹͎̺͟ṷ͉̗̝̮m̛͉m̟̬̦̱͖ͅo̟͔̹͉̬̫n̤̘ͅe̫̠d͓͕͉̰̺̤͘. ̛̬̣͉̩E͏͉v̢̟̬e̷̩̯̣̳̜̟r̢̳̰y̹̻͙͠o͉̗̥͈̙͔̥ņ̣͓̞̼̳̹̣ḙ ͠i͈͍s͖̻̪ ̠̞ṯ̢̤͉ͅá̘̜̳̯l̪k͜i̯̻̪͎̟̥n͚̗͙g̢̘͚̞͖ ̵̼͎̞̪̤̼͕i̤̺͉n҉̖̣̞͎̘ ̗̩͈͢s͇̫͎̤̠͚̭o̼̮̯̺ͅm͜ͅe͎̖̙̥͔̖͝ ̰͇͕̟͍ͅe̙̝̞͕̦l̟̬͔̹̟͙͓͝d̼͍̠̖̠͍͓͜r̭̟̦̩̟͎i͕̞͎͝t̙̻̖̘͉ͅc̼͎h͚̠̥̙ ̹̹͕͇̤͚̪̕l͓̞̠̱̭̞̤a̲̜͎͕̥̯͉n͍̥gu͟a̻̟g̫͕e͏͍̝̳̳ a̳͙̯ͅn̻̙̗̪͓̟͔d̞̬͔ ͖͉̭̠͠ȩv̴͚̳e̜̺͖̠͈̤r̥̜͇̱y͈̙̯̲̖̱͠ẃ̭̯̘h̷̩͖͈ͅè͕̗̣͇r͍̰̙ͅe ̦I͍͎̜͖̦̻ ͔͙g̝o ̖͚̯i̻̮t̹͖͇̱͖ ͎̙̝͙̯͍s̬͙̪m̶͉̪̗e̸͖ͅl̰̞ḽ͉̱̠ͅs̨̗̩͈̠̙͉ ̮̞̮li͉͖̩k̼͙̦͚̫͟e̴̯̤̮ ̢̞͚d͕͓̗̯͓͉͎e̼̣̟͓̹̬͞spa̵̟̜i̦̭r̡͈̦̙.̣̲͈̱͓͇
҉̭̝̪ͅ
̮̱̯͍P͏̜̦̹̝l̵͚e̸̟a̟͇̙̭͓͕s͉͚̱͝ͅe͔̖͎͙̺̜̪͠ h͏̫͕̰̩͉͖͇u͙͚͢r͙̞̗̯̠̤̭r̷̹͚͔y̢̲̲̳̫,̺̖ ̡̘̳̗̟̗̠̣A̶͚̭̰n̴o͖ͅń
>>27185012
Holy shit, Anon's arm is really fucking long, if that speech bubble is supposed to be coming from his mouth.
>>27185127
He's just after her bee syrup.
>>27175156You really shouldn't thank me.
>>27185127
slenderanon
>>27186623
Farts.
>>27186767
Fuck off retard.
>>27185156
I don't get it.
>>27185127
He's leaning back...or something.
>>27187535
>>27188586
What the jesus wept.
>>27189736
Simpsons pictures that I gone and done
Ever seen Ringo Starr's art? It's like that.
>>27190293
I wonder if they can go the distance
>>27190505
It'll be apiece of cake
>>27190530Carlosponk!
>Be Anon in Equestria
>You fell into a pond, fuck it's cold
>When you get out your friends are nowhere to be seen
"Hey guys, where are you?"
>There is no response
>You stumble a bit as you get out, but after a false start you're back on dry land
>You looks around for your friends for a while, but don't find them
>You decide to head back into town
>When you arrive the ponies there tell you your friends came back earlier and got called off to Canterlot
>You head home, but when you get there you find a note taped to your door asking you too to go to canterlot, and telling you the train ponies have been instructed to let you travel for free
>The note said they'd give you dinner there, so you walk to the station
>Two days later, Canterlot is full of Anons
>There are more humans in canterlot than ponies now
>Teams of humans are busy planning how to make the best of this situation
>Other teams are busy fucking the ponies senseless
>An army has been sent to figure out the cause of this, the current leading theory being "Fucking magic, how does it work?"
>You are currently on punishment detail, where you are making sure that the most likely cause of this, Twilight Sparkle, knows you know she knows you know what she did.
>You don't actually know what she did yet, but it's a pretty safe bet that she's involved somehow
>She is busy writing lines on the blackboard at magic kindergarten
>"I will not clone Anon without getting his permission first. I am a very silly pony."
>You'd rather be on the "Where's my dinner, Princess?" committee, but you understand the importance of this.
>>27190699
wut
More Moonie when
>be Anon the changeling asskicker
>rumor has it there's a nest of them somewhere around the city
>and you're gonna whoop their asses
>c4 on the wall
>EXPLOSIONS!
>run in guns a-blazin'
>the blast actually caught your sleeves on fire so you dive for a nearby goo puddle to douse the burns
>now your biceps have superficial burns
>swarm of changelings
>you start punching like a madman
>but their hugs are too powerful
>you fall
>they swarm you
>you think one humped you
>it pissed you off
>you broke free of the bug pile and bolted for the queen's chamber
>kicking the door open, she was sitting on the couch watching tv
>"What?"
>you walk up and serve her ass
"Eviction notice"
>she reads the letter
>"Well where are we supposed to go?"
>you also throw down a bus ticket
>"Fresno? I don't wanna go to Fresno!"
>she sighs
>"Fine, whatever."
>and so city was saved
>thanks to
>ANONYMOUS
>>27192317
Now
__
>be Anon
>running around the castle with your friend Luna
>their family was rich
>it was cool
>the two of you crawl through a hedgerow and spot Luna's big sister eating an ice cream
"We must slay the beast!" you shout as you rush forward
>Luna shouts a little war cry as she follows
>Celly looks over as the two of you close in
>your wooden sword is raised high above your head
>she flinches thinking you're gonna hit her, but instead her two assailants tackle her out of her sun chair
>the ice cream is safely floating above the pile
>you take your sword and bop her once on the nose
>"Hey! Knock it off, guys!" Celly bemoans.
>you and Luna get off her and puff out your chests
"Victory!" you proclaim, sticking your sword out victoriously
>"Lets go get ice cream, too!" suggested Luna
"Will your mom let me have one?"
>"If you ask"
"Cool! I get chocolate!"
>"Blue moon!"
>Celly watches the two of you run off
>she frowns slightly when she feels at where you bopped her nose
>then she goes back to lapping at her vanilla cone
>a brief moment later, she see's her little sister and her friend running across the yard with a giant box instead of ice cream cones
"Let's play rocket ship!"
>"I'm the captain!"
>realistic sounds effects and dialogue emanate from the box soon after
>>27192362
cute
>>27189736
Oh come on, that can't be the strangest thing you've seen today.
>>27192362
What a cutieNow that someone has assumed the mantle, I canquit.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't /mlp/ used to have a lower post limit before autosage? I think that might be one of the reasons why threads seem to come and go a lot slower these days.
>>27193749
Also, people were more likely to comment on stories back then, iirc.
>>27193758
Comments and stories get in the way of shitposting. Priorities people.
>Be Anon.
>Be balls deep in Twilight Sparkle.
>Not by choice.
>She doped you with some kind of potion.
>You can't stop yourself, but you do have enough control for this.
>"ANON, WRONG HOLE!"
>>27194356
Ponynostrilsare surprisingly conformable once you are ball deep inside.
Alright, I'm calling this chapter of Changing Lanes done before I fuck with it again.
>As darkness settles over Equestria, so too does a hushed quiet, as the many ponies of the kingdom retire to bed.
>Canterlot's castle is no different, as both Anon and Luna fall asleep within each other's embrace.
>It is but another twist that fate has bestow upon you, as you lay upon the balcony overlooking the courtyard.
>You fought so hard to bring attention and glory to the night sky, overshadowed by Celestia's daylight.
>Your sister's pride.
>And yet, centuries later, Luna herself spends most of her waking hours in the light of the sun, rather than her own namesake.
>Turning your head away from the light of the brilliant full moon, your slitted eyes rapidly adjust to the darkness of the room, settling upon the bed.
>You will admit, you find some solace in the true happiness your other half has sought for eons, and finally found.
>Past wrongs have been righted, the sorrows of the past have been laid to rest for all those involved.
>Except for you, forever damned to be but a spectator on the sidelines.
>To only be able to watch as time passes without end, unable to take part.
>If this is not what Tartarus is like, it must be close.
>[Haven't I told you before not to do that?]
>You snap from your thoughts to find Anon's form propped up in bed, staring back at you.
>While he is forced to speak to you through his thought, you are under no such restrictions.
>At least there's one positive to being invisible to almost everypony.
"What?"
>[Staring at me? When I'm sleeping, no less?]
"If you can see me staring at you when you are sleeping, you aren't exactly sleeping, are you?"
>[You know what I mean. I can feel it.]
>Rising you your hooves, you leap down off the railing, onto the smooth polished marble of the bedroom's floor.
"I'm sorry. It's not like I have anything else to do."
>You sense his anger diminish somewhat through the link the two of you share.
>>27194672
>You still can't believe you agreed to be what amounts to his guardian angel.
>Though, to be fair, keeping him safe keeps you safe, too.
>Letting yourself ease away from reality back into the realm of dreams, Luna's bedroom melts into the familiar starry backdrop of the dream realm.
>Nothing left to do now but wait until the dawn of a new day.
>"Come on Anon, you got to sleep in an extra hour."
>"No."
>I swear, you act like such a child sometimes."
>"Compared to your age, I am a child!"
>You come to amidst the sounds of a typical morning in Luna's room.
>Playful bickering with Anonymous.
>As you watch from the corner, Luna yanks the sheets out from Anon's tight grasp, nearly tossing him onto the floor.
>Though you've seen this routine plenty of times before, you can't help but smirk.
>"One of these times, you're going to knock me off the bed, and you're going to feel bad."
>A giggle fit erupts from Luna as Anon slowly makes his way to his feet, stretching.
>"Until then, I will never get tired of doing that to you."
>They exchange a quick peck on each other's lips, before Anon gets some clothes out from one of Luna's dresser drawers.
>Luna, long since readied herself for the day ahead, struts out the door, stopping halfway into the hall foyer outside before turning back around.
>"Try not to fall back in bed, Anon. Tia and I will be in the dining room awaiting your company."
>He glances up as he threads his belt through the loops of his jeans.
>"I know better than to make that promise."
>"One of these day, we're going to turn you into a morning pony."
>With that, Luna disappears beyond the frame of the door, wisps of her ethereal tail momentarily lagging behind.
"I think she has a better chance of turning you into a pony than a morning person."
>Anon jumps a bit, visibly startled by your sudden announced presence.
>"Seriously, I don't know how we're going to do it, but we need to put a fucking bell on you. What do you want?"
>>27194679
>His blunt reply causes you to frown.
"Well screw you too. I try to actually be somewhat light-hearted for once and I get my head bitten off, I won't do that again."
>He sighs, putting a shirt on before looking over to you.
>"I'm sorry, I do appreciate the fact you are trying to actually be somewhat pleasant for once. But you've been popping in a lot lately, I'm not keen on looking like a crazy talking to myself and seeing things that aren't there."
"Oh, I see you've forgotten I made a promise to watch over you, to be your guardian angel."
>You puff your chest out to exaggerate your sarcastic tone.
>He raises an eyebrow.
>"Right. Because you did a really good job keeping me from getting killed a few weeks ago."
>You can't help but bristle with anger a bit, gritting your teeth.
"I can't save your from your own stupidity."
>His expression softens up a bit.
>"You didn't know that I- er we, I guess.... anyway, you didn't know about the whole immortality thing, did you?"
>You shake your head.
"No, that was a surprise for me, as well. Not that I was exactly aware of the fact we were dead."
>That was a lie.
>True, you didn't know for sure whether you were going to come back, but you had an inkling of it after the first meetup with Chrysalis.
>It took a long time for you to remember that searing, burning pain from the multiple times that you - Luna, managed to get herself into deep trouble.
>This fool is just as danger-prone as your other half, if not moreso.
>Sensing something, you turn your gaze to the doorway, Anon's attention following yours.
>One of the Canterlot guards stands out in the hall, scanning the room with his eyes, before focusing wide-eyed at Anon.
>Embarrassed, Anon speaks up before the guard can say anything.
>"Uh, I just like to talk out loud. It... it helps me think better."
>Slowly, the unicorn nods, before hastily trotting away.
>Anon puts a palm to his face in exasperation.
>"Great, he thinks I'm crazy."
"Sorry."
>>27194686
>Instantly, he looks at you.
>"Did you just apologize?"
"What?"
>"Holy shit, you did! You might actually have a little bit of compassion in you!"
>You growl at his jab.
"Just go downstairs and have breakfast already!"
>With that, you relax your form, leaving his sight.
>It is still a strange feeling, being able to make yourself both visible and invisible to him with just a bit of concentration.
>You've definitely gotten a lot better at it, and it is nowhere near as exhausting as it used to be.
>Shaking his head and chuckling, Anonymous leaves the room without another word, as you trail behind.
>After a quiet breakfast, you head out to the garage to fiddle with your car, while Luna and Celestia deal with some royal matters.
>"I do not understand why you and Luna are so enamored by this thing."
>You look up from your work on the rear carburetor, to find Nightmare Moon on the other side of the engine bay.
"What do you mean?"
>She paces around the front of the Superbird, fidgeting with her wings.
>"I mean, you seem to constantly be working on this thing. How can you enjoy something so unreliable?"
>Looking down, you run a hand down the fender.
"It doesn't necessarily need work, I just enjoy tweaking on it. Besides, the work I do keeps me involved, it makes it more than just a mode of transportation."
>Rolling her eyes, she pace back to the other side of the car.
>"I guess I'm just not going to ever understand the things you do. But why, of all colors, did you paint it.... this?"
"What's wrong with In-Violet Metallic?"
>She cringes at the name.
>"Purple."
"Yes, a shade of purple for the simple-minded. What's wrong with it?"
>Your pointed comment doesn't seem to get under her skin at all.
>"Why not black?"
>You just stare at her.
>Is this a jealousy thing, or is she serious?
"Why black?"
>She remains silent for a moment, seemingly oblivious to your question.
"It looks better."
>>27194694
>Rather than continue to argue, you lean over the driver's side fender and finish adjusting the throttle linkage.
"You call me strange, and you're getting pissy about a color that isn't you. Go back to being nice like earlier."
>Her hoof stomps down in irritation.
>"I wasn't apologizing to you, I was showing sympathy for your stupidity."
>"Anonymous?"
>A voice rings out, startling you.
>As you stand up, you smack your head on the low hanging hood of the Superbird.
"Every damn time. Ow."
>You hear a hearty chuckle from Nightmare as you rub your head, turning to see who is here.
>One of Canterlot's guards stands at the open garage door, a pegasus with a white coat and a navy blue mane.
>"Sorry to bother you, but Princess Luna has requested to see you in the castle."
>Even as he speaks, you feel uneasy about this visitor.
"Uh, alright, I'll be up in a second. I'm surprised she didn't come get me like usual."
>"She is tending to some matters presently, she requested I escort you to the castle."
>Nightmare circles around the visitor, as if looking for something hidden on him.
>You aren't taking any chances, even if it turns out to be paranoia on your part.
"Yeah, I'm in the middle of something complex right now, I should finish it before heading up there."
>The guard nods his head, standing firm.
>"Certainly. I will wait here until you are ready."
>As you circle around back of the Superbird, you focus your mind on Luna.
[Luna, you got a minute? I need you down here in the garage.]
>[Of course, I'll be right there.]
>Looks like your hunch was right.
>Nightmare quickly joins you as you prop open the trunk.
>"There is no way Luna sent this guy to get you."
>You lean forward, using the trunklid as a sort of cover while rummaging through random parts and tools to seem busy.
[No shit, Sherlock. I can't sense the kind of stuff you can, but this guy goes way past suspicious. I've already asked Luna to come out here, thank god for telepathy.]
>>27194700
>As if on cue, a flash of light appears next to the two of you, Luna standing stoically beside you.
>"You rang?"
>You turn to her, thumbing towards the front of the car.
"Yeah, I'm guessing you didn't send that guy out to get me because you were too busy, seeing as you're here now?"
>Luna leans her head past the edge of the trunk, before turning back to you.
>"Who?"
>Confused, you stand up.
>There is no one in sight.
"What the hell? There was a guard just standing there a moment ago."
>Abruptly, you feel something yank on you from behind, causing you to fall to the floor.
>Before you can stand up, something wraps itself around your neck, as you feel in lean on your shoulder.
>"The queen wants a word with you."
>You can see him, but you can tell by the voice where the guard went.
>"Let him go!"
>Luna lowers herself as if preparing to pounce, her horn glowing with a charged spell.
>"This doesn't involve you princess. I don't know how you got here, but don't make any moves unless you want your boytoy to be a snack."
>The thing holding you suddenly lets out a hiss right by your ear, its hot breath drifting past your head and into your nostrils.
"Holy shit, brush and floss sometime."
>The creature behind says nothing in response.
>Nightmare Moon, still present, just shake her head silently, before disappearing.
>So much for a guardian angel.
>You keep very still, assuming Luna will attack at any time.
>Her eyes dart between you and the changeling.
[What are you waiting for? If you fuck up, I'll come right back.]
>[We cannot just assume you are immortal, Anon. It is too much of a risk. My sister will be here any moment.]
>Fuck waiting.
>You put your arms behind you, grabbing onto the changeling and pulling upwards.
"Get off me!"
>The thing hisses angrily, as you feel its teeth trying to chomp at your neck.
>Mustering up all the strength and adrenaline you have, you clench the beast's body and try to heave it over your head.
>"Anonymous!"
>>27194713
>As if weightless, not only do you pull your captor off, but you chuck him past Luna, into the wall several feet behind her.
>The guard, now a jet black changeling, falls to the floor, limp.
>You take a deep breath, looking at Luna.
"That was an adrenaline rush, huh?"
>Luna rushes to you, helping you up off the floor.
>Once on your feet, she shoves you, causing you to take a step backwards to retain your balance.
"Alright, you trying to help me up, or put me back on the floor? Make up your mind."
>"When I tell you to wait, I want you to wait!"
"I don't like waiting, especially when I have an oversized cockroach trying to eat me."
>Luna turns, glancing back at the imposter.
>"But how did you throw him like that?"
>"If I had to guess, I would say Anonymous managed to unleash a bit of magic in the heat of the moment, dear sister."
>Celestia strides up from behind you.
>"And where were you, Tia? You sure took your sweet time getting here."
>"I was here, in case I was needed. But I had a feeling he could solve the problem without my help."
>Luna snorts, clearly frustrated with her sister, who just smiles.
>"Why do you insist on doing this?"
>You wave your arms out, interrupting their conversation.
"Back up, you were just watching us?"
>Luna glares up at her older sibling.
>"Tia likes to sit back and watch things unfold rather than lend a helping hoof."
>"Now Luna, that's not true."
>Celestia unfurls a wing, wrapping it around you.
>"I am more than eager to help when I am needed. But, I also like to let ponies prove themselves in such difficult situations. I have done it numerous times with my students over the year, most notably Twilight of course."
>"Yes, let us not go over the near disasters of Discord's return or the multiple incidents regarding the Crystal Empire."
>Her other wing unfurled, Celestia drags over her sister.
>>27194719
>"Those situations were well within hoof. You know I always have a plan. I came as soon as you called me, but I decided I should wait to intervene. And it looks like I was correct in thinking he could solve the problem."
>You look down at your arms and hands.
>They aren't glowing or anything, how the hell did she know you could unleash a grapple like that?
>Celestia is already answering your question before you ask.
>"A stressful situation can bring out the strongest magic in a pony. While I would never plan nor intend to put you in harm's way, I would say what happened proves you can wield the magic that is inside you, at least if needed."
>Luna pulls away from her sister's wing, her cross expression from a moment ago replaced with one of sheer joy.
>Pulling you away from Celestia, Luna embraces you with hooves and wings.
>"This is so amazing! My Anon can use magic!"
>You kiss her on the forehead as she spins you around.
>Meanwhile, a few guards kick at the limp body of the changeling, before hauling it away towards the castle.
"Well, if I didn't kill it, I guess we have someone else to interrogate, huh?"
>The mood of the royal sister suddenly turns from excitement to serious.
>Celestia pipes up.
>"Of course. The changeling is probably fine, they are very hardy creatures."
"Have you gotten anything useful out of the other one?"
>Luna quickly speaks up.
>"No, nothing useful."
>Her short answer throws you off-guard, as she turns to her sister.
>"I suppose we should be getting back to the paperwork, sister?"
>"Yes, I still have a busy day ahead. We'll talk more later, but I'm proud of you, Anonymous."
"Thanks. Have fun, you two."
>Luna give you a smooch, before taking flight, her sister quickly behind her.
>"Well that conversation didn't end awkwardly or anything."
>You turn to face Nightmare Moon, whose sarcastic tone interrupts the silent garage.
>She looks on at the shrinking figures of the royal sisters heading back to the castle.
>>27194726
"Eh, snap back to reality, I guess. I'm still a wanted man."
>Nightmare chuckles.
>"Oh you are so naive. They are hiding something. Again. You would think everypony would learn their lessons about keeping secrets from each other."
>She turns to you, her face serious.
>"You didn't do a half bad job dealing with that situation. Consider me impressed."
"Right, because you sound enthused."
>"What else do you expect from me? I am not going to cuddle and kiss you all over."
>You walk to the open trunk of your car, closing it before head back to the engine bay.
"Yeah, no shit."
>The rest of the day passes rather uneventfully.
>Well, aside from the daily flight with Luna, that's always an event.
>Now, as you lie in bed With her watching TV, your mind drifts back to the events of this morning.
>Mainly because of Nightmare Moon, who lies on the balcony, as usual.
>"What are you looking at?"
>You turn away from Nightmare to Luna, who is trying to look over at the balcony.
"Nothing, just thinking about everything that happened this morning."
>You put your arm around her, as she snuggles in closer.
>"I'm sorry my sister can be a pain in the ass. She prefers to take a hooves-off approach to things when she can."
"Well, everything worked out fine, didn't it?"
>"Yes, and she always has had a backup plan. And I suppose her methods have always been successful in the past, from what I've seen. But I still don't like the risks."
"I understand. But I'm curious, you seemed eager to get back to the castle right away, is everything all right?"
>Out of the corner of your eye, you see Nightmare Moon suddenly take close interest, turning her head.
>Beside you, Luna looks up, her bright turquoise eyes studying you, before she offers a slight smile.
>"I guess I can't hide much from you anymore, can I?"
>reaching over for the remote, you flip off the TV.
"You shouldn't need to hide anything from me. I trust you, don't you trust me?"
>>27194729
>"It's not a trust issue, I'm just ashamed of myself."
>You pull her in closer for comfort.
"Just tell me what's eating at you, Lulu."
>"When you, er after you... died, I couldn't stand being without you. I tried everything."
>You nod.
"Right, you said you resorted to trying dark magic, which didn't work."
>"After that, I just... lost control."
>Her voice falters a bit as she finishes her sentence, but leaving you still in the dark.
"What do you mean by 'lost control?' I don't follow."
>She closes her eyes, before opening them to reveal a pair of feral slitted eyes.
>Your stomach drops at the sight.
>Nightmare Moon nearly falls off the balcony she is laying on in surprise.
"I was not expecting... that. But you're here now fine, so obviously you didn't completely lose it."
>"I almost strangled the changeling to death, before my sister found me."
"And she stopped you?"
>Luna shakes her head.
>"No. I remembered the night I got all my memories back, all that pain, that guilt flooding back. I remember you assuring me I wasn't a monster."
>A wave of emotions washes over you.
>Even when you weren't there, you kept her together.
>You hug her tighter.
"Luna, why didn't you tell me this before? You shouldn't be ashamed, you should be proud."
>"Wha?"
>She looks up at you as if you have completely lost your mind.
"The way I see it, you conquered what you had allowed to consume yourself in the past. I would expect anyone going through grief from an event like that to be angry. Hell, I can't say I would not have killed the damn thing if I were you. But you didn't let it take over. Even if it was because of something I had said in the past, you're stronger than you think you are."
>The room is silent for what seems like minutes before Luna speaks up.
>"I guess you're right."
"I know I'm right, Moonbutt."
>She giggles a bit, her mood quickly uplifted.
>"Now I have to ask you, how did you know that guard was really a changeling?"
"I had a feeling."
>"Excuse me."
>>27194735
>You can't help but turn your head to face Nightmare, who eyes you expectantly.
"And I suppose my guardian angel helped a bit."
>"Your guardian angel? Wait, are you referring to Nightmare Moon?"
"Yeah."
>Luna's soft voice gets louder, betraying her shock.
>"Is that what you've been glancing over at tonight? You see her?"
>She looks over at the balcony, as if expecting to see Nightmare as well.
"Darkie has been showing up more lately. I guess she's really taken to heart the promise she made to you to watch over me."
>Luna still seems rather shocked, but smiles as she turns out the lights in the room, preparing for bed.
>"Tell her I give my thanks for keeping my Anon safe."
>Nightmare turns her head back to the night sky.
>You wonder if she's actually a bit embarrassed.
>"I'm only watching out because it's my ass on the line too, you dolt."
"She says she's happy to help."
>"Screw you."
>Some things will never change.
http://pastebin.com/u/AutoPony
>>27194752
I like you. You make the words appear.
>Anon's in equestria
>Ponies are all allergic to humans
>Whenever they talk to him they keep sneezing
>Anon figures out it's him that's causing this and tries to to the nice thing of keeping contact to a minimum
>The ponies are ponies though
>Some think he doesn't like them
>Some are concerned that their new friend is suddenly avoiding them, maybe he needs help?
>>27196481
He needs some Head & Shoulders. Some moisturizer too.
>>27197068
Maybe something to stop his anus from bleeding constantly too.
Never forgetti.
![1140639__oc_clothes_suggestive_princess+celestia_meme_edit_alicorn_earth+pony_frown_sweat[1].png](https://i.imgur.com/BfHPNIr.png "1140639__oc_clothes_suggestive_princess+celestia_meme_edit_alicorn_earth+pony_frown_sweat[1].png")
>be Anon
>hanging out at Applejack's house
>Granny Smith made candy apples for the kids
>you, AJ, and her big brother thank Granny before you go to sit out by the large oak tree in the back yard and munch on your snacks in the shade
>Big Mac laid back against the tree
>AJ was laying through the tire swing and gently swinging back and forth
>you hung upside down on a low-hanging tree branch
>it was hard to eat candy apple like this
>good thing Granny put sticks in them
"You guys wanna play Hide and Seek?" you ask
>"Sure!"
>"Eeyup."
>you take another bite of candy apple
"After this, though."
>"Mmhm."
>"Yup."
>you like hanging out here
>be Anon the patriot
>at Canterlot Castle for a royal banquet
>shoveling food into your face like an animal
>everyone staring
>Twilight nudges you and whispers, "Anon, you're being very rude, disrespectful, and disgusting. Eat properly."
>stop eating to briefly look up and Twilight from your plate
"Why do you hate freedom, Twilight?"
>"What?"
"Did you know that there are ponies who would kill to be able to eat this food right now? The least you could do is honor them by not being a priss and gorge yourself"
>go back to eating
>Twilight wtf's
>later innagarden
>gotta take a leak
>that tree looks good
>bleed the lizard all over it
>Twilight walks by and finds you
>"Anon! What are you doing!"
>look over your shoulder at her
"Now dogs and the homeless know that this is my tree," you explain.
>"Anon, that's gross! You can't relieve yourself here!"
"This is America! I can do whatever I want!"
>"Eh, no, actually. This isn't America. It's Equestria," corrects Twilight
>you pull a tiny American flag from the inside of your jacket and hold it high, striking a pose
"The land I stand on turns into America for that moment!" you proclaim.
>you never thought that ponies would be such Commie-loving bastards
>>27152246
I'm pretty indifferent on beer. I like good beer. On my own I would rather drink cider, and mulp has little to nothing to do with it.
>mfw work at a Gourmet Food company and surrounded by Brie and Camembert all day
>mfw Americans '''''cheese`````Ils disent que la mort nous absout de toutes les obligations.
>>27199455__________________ok____________________
>>27199455
>mfw Americans '''''cheese`````
Fight me, you bitch.
>>27194966Yes
>>27199455
There's no 'la' in that sentence, filthy foreign devil
although I do agree with you on American food, it is all awful
>>27199493
>"piggly wiggly" cheese
Looks like you and it were a match made in heaven
>>27199569Excusez-moi, je ne parle bien pas français ;_;
let us both laugh derisively at these american pigdogs however
HON HON HON HON HON
>>27199569
>>27199693
>france
>>27199693
>[Laughs heavily in French]
>>27199709
Le problème?
>>27199455
>>27199569
>>27199693
>>27199734
Aren't you all late for your government-mandated cultural enrichment exercises?
>>27199734
>hon hon hon hon hon
>>27199807
Aren't YOU late for school?
Or is it being shot up again today?
>>27199894
It's 9:30 PM friendo
>>27199894
Just because you're getting ready for morning prayers, doesn't mean everyone else is starting their day too.
>>27199935
>mfw 1/4 Algerian
>learned how to say the five tenets of Islam by heart so when the muslims come for me I'll be safe
all is well, insh'allah
would rather have my head cut off by ISIS than have to vote for meme wall building man or corporate jewess anyway
>>27199693
Shop the Pig, motherfucker.
>>27199973
>I'd rather die...
You'll fit right in with your new brothers and sisters
Blessings going forward, brother.
>>27200054
>When the takbir is c'est parfait
Since the kids, foreign and domestic, are being little fucktards at the moment again how's about tossing out a request or two.
I'm bored and hopped up on way too many energydrinks and not enough alcohol.
>>27200493
that's a bit rude desu, can't you discern friendly banter when you see it?
here's a prompt: Anon doesn't laugh. Pinkie Pie just keeps hitting a brick wall with him. However, he also thinks Maud is the funniest thing to have ever breathed.
>>27200493
Anon teaches pony children how to not be little shits.
This is your reminder that AiE is a greentext thread. Shitposters and funposters, head over to /mlpg/ with the rest of the rabble-rousers. You don't belong here, you fucking kids.
crosspostan scouts and scout accessories
>Anon takes up being a scout leader
>Anon trains his scouts as gurella warriors
>Whitetail woods becomes seven times more dangerous than the Everfree as a result of their traps
>Aerial spellcasting teams from the royal guard are brought in to cast defoliant spells to make the traps more visible
>Orange magic residue lingers in the air for miles around and the forrest is turned into a barren wasteland
>Even after this, ponies are still being maimed by spike pits, razor wire and other hazards
>The area ends up being burnt down by royal order
>Anon makes mad dosh from his wise investment into the napalm industry
>An industry he started shortly before this began
>>27201062
All according to plan.
>>27200629
I'll see what I can do
>>27200649
>he doesn't know AiE's foundations are built on shitposting
>>27202069
We built this city on a hill made of cum, horseporn and excrement. No one may take from us.
>>27202105
The best defence: Making sure nobody WANTS to take your stuff.
>>27202150
Exactly. That's why you have to go out and marry an ugly fat woman. Aim low.
>>27202172
I'm sorry, Anon, I think we should stay as just friends.
>>27202565
I ain't no woman.
Not yet at least.
I would for you Durnk.
>Be Anon.
>It's Wednesday and that means Applehorse is hanging out with you.
>It also means an early wake up and farm work all morning, but that's okay. She never forces you to do. If you wanted you could just sit under a tree and nap, but you need the exercise and she is a nice horse.
>You like having lunch with the Applehorse family after a long morning of hauling buckets.
>There's Old Green Apple.
>Orange Apple.
>Red Apple.
>And Lampbreaker.
>You give Lampbreaker a dirty look out of principle. She knows what she did.
>The rest of the afternoon is spent at the market. You just watch the tiny horses speaking their tiny horse language and doing tiny horse things.
>You would kill for another human to talk to.
>>27202069
Well I sure don't see you embracing it, anons callin out all the little brothers for bantering about.
>>27202570
Friend zoned
>>27203829
It ain't the friendzone when I give you a brojob.
btw I lied when I said no homo.
>>27199389
Gaijin-kun was great, huh?
Wish /a/ was as obsessed with it as much as we're obsessed with Anon's adventures in Equestria.
>>27204083
Right?
>>27148971
I wrote a really shitty fanfic....lets see if anyone reads it.
>You are Anonymous, desperado, womanizer and faggot extraordinaire
>you fiddle with your cigarette on the outside of town.
>The sun was blazing high
>And your balls itched something fierce
>But there was work to be done.
>Revenge
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBkRe_m21Z0
>You mosey on into town of pastel-colored faggotry and find the nearest tavern
>Here is where your quest for vengeance began.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0SIizvT5Bk8
>You kick in the door, all the heads turn to you.
>Eyeball all them fuckers and grab a seat alone.
>Yet one dorky purple book horse joins you in spite of it.
>"Hello there, sir."
>"That's a pretty nice cowboy hat you're wearing there."
"Thank ya kindly sweetheart."
>"My names Twilight and you?"
"Folks call me Anonymous. But you can call me Daddy sweet checks."
>She chuckles
>"My aren't you quite the rouge. Let me buy you drink?"
>Unusual but, who are you to pass up free booze.
>"BARKEEP A margarita AND JACK DANIELS"
>"So handsome what brings you too to Ponyville?"
"I've got some business to take care of."
>"Oooh cryptic, I like mysterious. Maybe I can help?"
"Y'all ever seen a zebra round these parts?"
>"Zebras? In Ponyville?"
>"Well, there's one. It's Zecora and she lives on the edge of the Everfree Forest."
>"Why do you wanna know?"
"Here and I are gonna have a little reunion is all. Maybe you can show me to her?"
>"Are we rolling?"
"Yeah."
>"Hi, I'm Scootaloo and welcome to Jackass."
>Scootaloo rides her scooter down a ramp and jumps.
>She goes all of three feet before her helmet clips a low-hanging tree branch and she tumbles around on the ground.
>The scooter rolls ahead of her and explodes against a wall
>Her body comes to a stop.
"You alright?"
>She lifts her head.
>"Did you get it?"
"Yeah."
>"Awesome."
>She puts her face back down into the grass.
>>27204391
>"Mmm I suppose I could, but..." Her eyes flutter.
>"Maybe you could help me out too?"
>You push up your hat and raise your eyebrow.
"Ohh?"
>"It's awfully lonely in Ponyville, not many Stallions around you see. What's a girl to do?"
>"Soo maybe you can give me a little company?"
>Looking her over, you've had worse, despite being a shit tier waifu, pussies pussy.
"Ohh why the hell not."
>"yay!" She downs her Margarita
>Than pulls you upstairs.
>Upstairs she leads you into a shitty little wooden room.
>Filthy rotten wood for the floorboards and a single cum encrusted bed lay in the center
>"I got this room cheap for just such and occasion! EEE this is gonna be so great!"
"How much is this gonna cost me?"
>"What? What are you talking about?"
"Only tavern girls get these kinds of rooms. So I figure, maybe ya just want some money."
>"I'm a student you dick!"
>And clearly not all to bright
"Apologies little lady."
>"Well let's get down to it!"
>You begin to unbuckle your pants
>"Wait! aren't you gonna serenade me first!?"
>What is this?
"I beg your pardon?"
>"Yea, and then we'll hold hooves and read books together too right? Don't you know anything about sex?"
"Twilight...What exactly do you think sex is?"
>"It's where you kiss and then take a nap together duh!"
>What the fuck
>"It's okay, I get it, you're a virgin right?"
>You sit down and rub your forehead.
>"It's okay to be a little scared. First times are scary."
"Do you know where babies come from Twilight?"
>"Duh of course I know, I'm the smartest pony in all Equestria."
"Than where do they come from."
>"The stork, your parents put in an order and have it delivered."
"So you're a virgin."
>Her face reddens,
>"what, n-no I'm not, I get tons and tons of it."
"Of what?"
>"You know, that umm, that"
>She lowers her voice.
>"That dick."
"I don't think you've ever even seen a dick before have you?"
>"Yea, I see them all the time, gosh!"
"Where is it then."
>She looks you over visibly confused and distressed
>>27204439
>"Uhh it's there."
>She's pointing at your shoulder
"Right, listen here sweety, you're an idiot, but that's okay."
>She's blushing
>You place your hand on her shoulder
"Now this is going to be quick okay."
>"Okay...."
>You unzip your pants and pull out your pulsating member.
"Now suck it."
>"WHAT?"
"I only got time to show you the basics."
"Than your going to take me to Zecora got it."
>"Deal!"
>"So do I chew on it?"
"No teeth, just lightly suck on it."
>She wraps her mouth around your member
>And begins, slowly sucking it, causing a light tug and then releasing it.
"Good, now try bobbing your head on it."
>She does so. She's a quick learner.
>All you can see is her head bobbing back and forth on your cock, her tongue rubbing against the shaft.
>Until you reach your climax.
>You jizz in her mouth, filling it to capacity. And she coughs a little.
"Good girl."
>"Does this mean I'm not a virgin anymore! Are we gonna get married?"
"Now slow down missy. We had a deal."
>"Oh, ha ha, that's right, well follow me."
>>27204449
>She takes you to Everfree forest and leaves you
>The walk there was filled with conversations about her studies and how she's learning sociology or some shit like that.
>It got really heated when she said her dad go fuck himself because humanities majors are not a waste of time.
>You're a cowboy, in your time you've seen allot of horseshit, allot of cowshit, and allot of bullshit...and that there was bullshit.
>But you let her dream.
>"All right, just head down this path and you'll be right on Zecoras doorstep."
>"Your not going to hurt her are you?"
"Not any more than that their woman hurt me."
"Go home twilight, this is man's business."
>"Anonymous, I love you! Please come back to me."
>You place your hands on her shoulder.
"Twilight, I'm not looking for a serious relationship."
>You place your hat on her head, then head down the path.
"But we can be friends for now."
>As you walk away, all you can hear is silent weeping.
>>27204487
>Now, now is the time for revenge
>the zigger that wronged you, she was just behind this door.
>You spit on the floor and begin.
"Let's do this."
>You kick in her door.
"ZECORA! I'VE COME FOR YOU!"
>"What is this? it cannot be!"
>"Anonymous here before me!"
"Your rhymes are shitty and so are you.
>You brandish your pistol at her.
"Your gonna pay for what you did."
>"My fault it was not. Who really knows with herpes?"
"My balls never stopped itching past that day you faggot."
>You open fire on her with your six piece.
>She ducks behind her cauldron and began to make a run for the window.
"Face your retribution, YOU LILY LIVERIED COWARD!
>You open fire ahead of her and she bolts in the opposite direction.
>She's tripped
>And you approached
>Terror fills her eyes and she shit's herself.
>"Please Anonymous, mercy on me."
>Bang, and it's over.
>Your balls have been revenged
>You head back into town and grab twilight
>She squees with delight and thinks you're making her your wife.
>You tell her that you'll play it by ear for now.
>She simply says.
>"That's good enough for me!"
>The two of you ride into the sunset together
Played by:
A faggot as Anonymous.
Luarn faust as Twiggy
A random nigger as Zecora
Narrated by George Takei
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZS2SIpMZ1CE
Dedicated to biggie smalls,
you with Jesus now boo boo.
>>27204531
I laughed, i cried, i cringed....I remembered biggie smalls
Duces big homie you in equestria now.
>>27204407
jeff, you forgot your name.
>>27204571
His name is right there in the name field dumbass.
>>27204571Adjacent Bias please go
>>27178495
>-----------Canterlot Hospital, 3 days later------------
>"Is he going to be ok Princess?"
>"I'm sure he'll be fine Twilight, you should go join your friends. I'm sure they'll want to return to Ponyville soon."
>You watch your student trot away, hoping she'll stop worrying. Because you have no idea if Anon will be fine.
>Nopony knows anything about humans. Except Anon and he's not in conversational frame of mind.
>He only woke up this morning and his first act was to vomit purple goo on a doctor.
>Since then he's alternated between cursing somepony called Jesus Christ and napping.
>You hope he'll be back to good health soon. Not only for Anon's sake but to find out what happened in that plaza.
>Luna went looking for him when she heard he was here, after the changelings had been defeated.
>She found him at the bottom of a large crater, alive but unconscious. What she told you next still sends a shiver through your wings.
>The plaza he was in, was filled with dead changelings that had been ripped apart with barbaric force.
>Two Solar Guard had been found unconscious in the plaza too. They'd recovered much quicker than Anon.
>You'd hoped for answers but whatever happened had traumatized your poor little ponies quite badly and they were reluctant to recount what happened.
>Your sister was even now diving into their dreams in the search for answers.
>Whatever vile creature attacked Anon and massacred those changelings needs to found and dealt with, before it can harm your little ponies.
>>27203850
Go to bed Dad.
>>27205452
I'll go to bed when the orderlies tell me and no sooner.
>>27205822
No Jeopardy for you now.
>>27204531
Hue
>>27204876
Dammit thread, still working on my current chapter so have an old oneshot.
>Well Anon, ya sure done it this time.
>During your time in Equestria, you've garnered the admiration and in some cases obsession of a number of ponies.
>You resisted their advances at first but the species barrier was not built to last when you're the only one of your kind.
>You were kind and courteous in you denials of their affection, which only seemed to inspire them to try time and time again.
>Last week while in the town center, you were helping one of those poor souls deal with her rejection.
>Your good deed was observed by another of the let down mares who mistook it as you finally hooking up with another pony.
>This started an argument between the two ponies who were loud enough to attract the attention of your other female suitors and just before a brawl was going to erupt, you spoke up.
>Once you had their attention you proposed they have a competition.
>After you shot down their ideas of fighting to the death, chugging bleach and a last mare standing orgy (which was actually very hard for you to say no to but you were saving your pony virginity for the mare you loved), you and all the ponies in attendance fell silent.
>While everyone had their collective thinking caps on, Pinkie Pie strolled in to see what had everyone so preoccupied.
>You told her of your predicament and she simply said, "Pie making contest, duh."
>With that she bounced away to whatever it is she does with her day and you were left with the answer.
>It's common knowledge that the way to a mans heart is through his stomach and it was no small secret you loved pies.
>Pitching the idea to all the ponies seemed to pay off as they came to the same consensus and in a weeks time you would judge the competition.
>That was then and this is now.
>>27209049
>In order to keep the competition fair, all the pies were set on a table randomly with no indication of who made it besides possibly the flavor.
>While you know of a few ponies who can cook well without it being their special talent, it was obvious that not every mare was meant to be a housewife.
>Starting with the pies that looked like losers you would taste them and subsequently disqualify their creator who were given participation awards and one last hug from you as a single man.
>After the majority of those background ponies were sent on their way you grabbed a banana nut/blueberry muffin off a plate and sighed before asking Derpy to come see you.
>"Wow! How'd ya know it was me Anon?"
>God she's adorable but rules are rules.
"Derpy, this a muffin, we're having a PIE making contest. I'm sorry but I have to disqualify you."
>"It was in a pie tin when I put it in the oven! I just don't know what went wrong..." She looks like her dog was hit by a car and left to die.
>Taking a bite of her muffin, you smile.
>It was rather delicious, so you grab one of the participation awards, cross out the title and write (Best Muffin in Show) underneath it before handing it to her.
>Her mood improves when she sees the award and you share a heartfelt hug before she flys off.
>The next pie tasted minty, not like peppermint but more akin to mouthwash.
>As a matter of fact it even smells like mouthwash.
>Rejecting the pie, you send your dentist, Minuette aka Colgate, on her way.
>Now only 5 ponies remain.
Smh desu senpai
>>27209061
>Rainbow Dash, Applejack and the triumvirate of Princesses, Luna, Celestia and Cadence.
>The next pie you sink your fork into looks innocent enough on the outside but the filling seems less than inviting as you reluctantly bring it into your mouth for tasting.
>In a multi-colored flash, Rainbow is beside you eagerly watching you chew what you can now guess is her creation.
>"Do you love it?" She asks, a hint of psychosis in her voice and facial features.
>"I only used the freshest ingredients I had."
>She calls these fresh?
>You struggle to swallow the bite and fight back the rising bile at the same time.
"Ugh, what was that?"
>"Well, it's my strawberry, peanut butter, oatmeal, marshmallow and salmon surprise! I made it all the time for Gilda and since both of you eat meat I figured you'd love it just as much as she used to... before I caught her with another pegasus that is..."
>You miss that last part because you were trying not to retch at the thought of there being someone who actually enjoyed this culinary travesty.
"Oh god I'm gonna be sick... What's the surprise part though?"
>"My hair."
>She said it so non-chalant you actually wonder if you heard her right.
"Your... hair?"
>"Yup! At least one strand of each color in every slice!"
