Previously: Cough finished up his day with Sundae and Marigold. The next morning he was so sore that when he tried to get out of bed he ended up on the floor, unable to get up. Cue a panic attack solved by his mother.
Ugh... I'm so bored.
>I've been laying in bed for hours.
>I can't really sleep, I can't get up.
>As a matter of fact, I can barely move.
I've only now noticed how plain my room is.
>My room has a few knick-knacks that my parents bring back for me from when they go on vacation.
>mostly seashells and lanyards.
Now, if only I had a set of keys to attach them to.
Gah!
I need to find something to entertain myself...
>>26643115
Bro, you gotta post in /cyoa/ when you start your thread.
Daydreaming, napping, watching the clouds and pegasi go by our window.
>>26643115
We can't really do anything without mom. Call for her go get us some water and ask her if she wants to play a card game on our bed with us or something.
>>26643349
>Well, I guess I could try to look out the window at the head of my bed.
>I shuffle and squirm up to the window, and I peer out.
>It's really cloudy out, but I can see a few pegasi moving the clouds about.
>Suddenly, an army of pegasi appear from above the clouds.
>There's a pause, but then they all nod in unison.
>They all kick the clouds at the same time, causing an incredible downpour.
>My window is immediately drenched to the point where I can't see out of it anymore.
>>26643394
Great...
>Well there goes any pony watching I could have done.
I have an idea.
"Hey Mom?" I call out.
>My throat is feeling alittle better than it was earlier, but it was still kind of uncomfortable.
>There seems to be no response.
>But soon she appears through my door.
>"What is it, Hon?"
"Can we play a game or something? I'm kinda bored."
>"Oh. Alright, I'll be right back."
"Could I get a glass of water, too?"
>"yup!" she calls from the hallway.
>After a bit, she returns to my room with a deck of cards in her mouth.
>She lays them down beside me, and takes a seat.
>I lean my back against the wall so I can sit up.
>"So, what do you wanna play?"
>>26643349
>>26643115
Wave at passing pegasi.Wish you would be able to fly, to feel the delicate breeze in your coat and mane. That you were strong and healthy.Cry a little.
>>26643538
Maybe something simple. Like go fish.
>>26643538
Go fish!
>>26643564
>>26643561
"Hmm. How about go fish?"
>"Alright then!"
>Mom deals us each seven cards and leaves the rest of the cards in a pile between us.
>"You go first."
"Alright, got any fives?"
>"Go fish!"
dang.
>I draw from the pile
>"Got any eights?"
>I have two and hand them over.
-One game of go fish later-
I can't believe I just got my butt kicked by my Mom.
>If this were poker, my hand would be considered a bust.
>Only I have 10 cards.
>"Better luck next time." Mom giggles.
>"How are you feeling?"
>I feel like garbage, actually. Not to mention my scuffed pride, but perhaps that's not the best way to put things.
"Eh. Not the best, actually. I still can't really move."
>"Well... You shouldn't stay cooped up in your room all day. I miss seeing you!"
"Huh?"
>"Want me to take you to the living room?"
>>26643861
Yes please. I'd really like a change of scenery.
Gets boring up here all day.
>>26643861
Yup. Throw on cartoons and ask mum if she can make us some toast. Git cozy and offer her a spot when she returns.Initiate heart-to-heart.
>>26643861
Ask she carries us down hug with as much we can muster and say "I love you mom."
>>26643948
>>26643870
>>26643965
>"Alright!"
>Mom hops off my bed, and roll me onto her back.
How is she so strong!
>"Phew! You've grown!" She looks back at me with a big smile.
She's just saying that, it's obvious that I'm no problem to carry.
>She walks slowly and carefully to make sure I don't fall off or bump into anything.
>"Bumpy road ahead!" She says this as we go down the stairs.
>I bounce a little bit with each step. So I hold on tight.
>When we finally reach the living room, Mom dumps me onto the couch.
>Almost instantly she goes to work wrapping me in a blanket. Then, she turns on the T.V.
>She cuddles up next to me.
>I lay my head on her shoulder.
"I love you, Mom."
>"I love you too, Cough."
>She sighs, hugging me tighter for a second
>I can hear the rain outside.
>My eyes are starting to feel heavy.
>I close my eyes, and let the warmth of my blanket envelope me.
...
(I'm actually pretty tired for some reason. I'll see you guys tomorrow.)
>>26644181
Well that was a short session.
>>26644181
No problem. Take care of yourself.Sleep tight sleepysick.
>>26644226
I'm just happy to see my favorite sickponer return.
>>26645496
Bumping once more before bed. Please don't let this die.
beb
snuggle into mama sleepypone, this bump is for you.
Get well soon.Let me dream, okay?
The longest bump.
b
*achoo*
I'm gonna start again in about an hour.
>>26652068
neato
guh... Why is it so cold in here?
>I open my eyes to a bright room, white walls, white sheets, white... everything.
>A steady, rhythmic beeping is the only noise in the room.
>I can't see anything it's so bright in here.
>I try to shuffle around but I stop as a feel something tug on my arm.
>I squint hard to try and see what it is.
...
>It's a little tube with tape over it.
What's going on here?
>My eyes adjust to the brightness to reveal a hospital room.
>>26652650
We know exactly what an iv is and not to mess with it.
There should be a call nurse button around here somewhere.
In the meantime, how are we feeling?
>>26652650
Were we taken to a hospital?
>>26652730What do you think?
>>26652733
Didn't read the last line before posting.
>>26652650
Another for trying to find a call button, assuming we can move, that is.
>>26652733
>>26652730
>>26652682
>>26652746
Wait a sec.
...Why am I?
Last I remember I was at home, watching TV with Mom, and now I'm here.
I don't feel... terrible. But they might have me on something.
>Regardless I need some answers
>I move a bit to get more comfortable and to stop pulling on the IV
>I look at the the head board above me. It has a big button that says "Call Nurse."
>I give it a press, and wait.
>Soon a mare with a white coat and pink mane, done up in a bun comes in.
>"Is everything alright?" She asks as she trots over to my bed.
>>26652863
Uh, where am I?
>>26652863
Sorry. The last thing I remember, I was at home, taking a nap with Mom. What's going on?
>>26652863
>>26652918
This. We should know what the hell is going on.
>>26652918
>>26652891
>>26653055
"Where... Where am I?"
>"You're at the hospital, something happened, but everything is okay now."
Well, that's reassuring.
"What happened?"
>Her face loses all expression. She stops looking me in the eyes and takes to looking at the wall behind me.
>"You're Mom brought you here."
"Okay, but... what happened?"
>She walks out without saying anything.
"Hey! Come back!" I try to shout after her, but it comes out more as loud talking.
Good. Now I'm even more confused.
It's also nice that no adult will ever tell me what's going on!
>>26653081
Can we move? We should check the end of the bed for a chart or file.
>>26653081
>Your mom brought you here
>Avoids explanation
Yeah, sure. We can start with this >>26653114, then maybe we could try to approach the window. If there is any.
>>26653172
Our parents probably told the hospital not to tell us.
Though I don't know of leaving the bed is a good idea, or even possible. We're hooked up to a heart monitor and an iv drip.
>>26653114
>>26653172
Fine! I'll find out what's going on here.
>I crawl to the end of the bed. I have to let my arm, hang behind me.
>I reach over and grab the chart on the front of the bed.
>It's blank...
What the heck!
>I drop the chart in frustration.
>Onto a floor covered in rust.
What the...
>I look around.
>The room has gone from bright, spotless white. To a mixture of red and brown.
>The sheets I've been laying in have taken on there own shade of sickly yellow.
This is messed up! How is any of this possible!?
>There a sound of crackling and metal dragging against metal outside of my room.
>It sounds like it's getting closer.
>>26653421
Oh my God what the fuck is happening. Try to do something. For examplewake up.
>>26653421
Time to pull the iv out of our arm and hide.
>>26653421
Get under the bed.
>>26653421
Hide underneath the covers.
Like I said, we're hooked up to a heart monitor. If anything happens to cause a real level of panic, the doctors will come running.
>>26653468
Don't pull out the iv.
>>26653456
>>26653468
>>26653473
>>26653477
I need to get out of here!
>I start to tug and pull on the IV
>Oohh man, that is in there pretty good.
>I can't get it out, I'm gonna have to work with it.
>The sound is getting louder. I can hear ponies outside screaming.
>I roll off the bed, I hit the ground pretty hard. It leaves a brown-red stain on my coat.
>I crawl under the bed, causing the IV pole to tip over.
>As it falls it rips the needle out of my arm.
>The panic is keeping me from feeling any pain, but I can see a steady trickle of blood pouring from my arm.
Why is this happening to me!? This has to be a Nightmare!
>A boom resounds through out the room followed by shattering glass and a the clanking of the door smashing into the opposite wall from where it once was.
>My heart is pounding.
>I try to peer out from under the bed. But I don't know what I'm looking at.
>It's obvious that I'm looking at... something.
What is that?
>Every time I try to look at it, my mind goes blank, like I can't understand what it is.
>All I know is that it's dangerous.
>The thing drags itself about the room for a long while.
>I take shallow, quiet breaths to avoid it hearing me.
>It stops in its tracks.
What's it doing?
>The beast stomps, causing me to gasp.
Oh no!
>The bed I'm hiding under is thrown across the room!
>>26653630
It's over. It was fun while it lasted.
>>26653630
Run!
>>26653679
This
>>26653679
>>26653648
This is it. I'm done. Killed by some monster. If only Princess Celestia or the elements of harmony were here to stop this thing!
...No! I need to survive! I need to get help!
>I get to my hooves preparing to run as fast as I can.
>I take one last look at the... thing.
>It shoots toward me, the sound of static and a horrid ringing in my ears.
...silence
>I'm... wrapped up. It's warm and cold at the same time and I'm sweating.
>My breathing is heavy and disjointed.
>My heart is beating at an incredible rate.
>I can feel something resting on my head.
>Something pressed against me is rising and falling, slow and rhythmic.
>My cheeks are wet.
>I can hear a few voices across the room from me.
Where am I?
>My eyes adjust. I'm home.
>The TV is on. It's one of those cop shows Mom likes.
>Speaking of Mom... I think she's asleep.
>I can hear her breathing as she cuddles with me.
>Some of her hair is hanging in my face.
>I calm down a little, knowing I'm safe.
>>26653834
Appreciate the safety and coziness of our home. Cuddle mom tighter, but try to not wake her up. Look at the TV.Cry. It was the horror movie, wasn't it?
>>26653834
>knowing I'm safe
>>26653834
I find it a little hard to believe we would be released from the hospital when we were conscious literally once the entire time. Either we hallucinated the whole thing or the doctors sent us home to make us comfortable in our final days because there's nothing more they can do for us.
>>26653834
Just a dream. We should check how our legs are doing.
>>26653881
>>26653868
>>26653910
>I turn towards Mom. I can't move my head much since she's using it as a pillow currently.
>But I turn my shoulders toward her so I can hug her.
>I feel a twinge of pain in my hooves as I shakily reach around her.
>She stirs.
>Her head lifts off of mine, and I'm pulled closer, my head resting against her shoulder.
>She let's out a sigh as she nestles her chin into my mane.
>The sigh turns back into steady, sleepy snoring.
This is better.
But what was with that dream?
That thing I saw reminded me of that movie I saw yesterday.
I knew I should've ducked out for Princess of the Plains.
>I half watch this cop drama for a while. Fading in and out, trying not to fall asleep again.
I'll try not to chance wetting myself, I got lucky last time.
>Mom is still asleep. Not sure how long I've been watching, but I have no idea what's going on.
>>26654054
Just give in to the sweet release of death
>>26654054
Honestly, we're never gonna get any decent sleep unless we talk to someone about that stupid movie.
>>26654054
Wake mom up. We need to go pee. Probably hungry too.
>>26654145
I agree. At some point it's not really rude when we actually need things because we're incapable of providing them for ourselves.
Even if it makes us feel as helpless.
Ok I just totally crashed, so I'm gonna go to bed, and start a little earlier tomorrow. See you then. Sorry for another short session.
I have some critique, and it's a small thing that's down to preference.
You don't need to write the MC's thought processes, especially in the middle of the post when you're stating something I already know.
>Last I remember I was at home, watching TV with Mom, and now I'm here.
I know, I'm reading the quest, you don't need to tell me.
>Good. Now I'm even more confused.
>It's also nice that no adult will ever tell me what's going on!
>This is messed up! How is any of this possible!?
>This is better.
>But what was with that dream?
>That thing I saw reminded me of that movie I saw yesterday.
>I knew I should've ducked out for Princess of the Plains.
Again, I know. I'm reading the quest, you don't need to tell me. Don't make him do the thinking for me. Let me react as Cough. At least personally, that kind of writing -making the character think for me- takes me right out of the character.
For this style of quest that relies so heavily on emotion, I'd rather be the sick poner than watch the sick poner from the sidelines.
This is why you need to rely on showing rather than telling more, and also why I think that writing in second person would have been a better choice.
I shouldn't have to take time to ask how my character is feeling. It's his body, it should be telling him. Show the stimuli acting on Cough, including his body, let us react. You take care of the other characters and his sickness, we'll take care of his thoughts and actions.
>>26654374
I'm moving this part to a separate post because this is just how I would write the story.
Be very, very careful with the dream stuff. I get that you're just doing fake-outs, but if you try to do those emotional traps too much, players will stop getting emotionally invested. 'It was all a dream' is just a copout. Don't be afraid to really kick the sick horse. I want to care, I want to feel bad for him, I want to cry for him, but then you make it just a dream, and then I lose all my emotional investment because none of it really happened.
Especially when you fake us out into being in the hospital.
I won't allow it.
>>26643115
>>26654374
>I think that writing in second person would have been a better choice.
I really like how he's handled first person so far, personally. It's a detour from the norm but I can't find it in me to call that a bad thing.
On the other hand I wholeheartedly agree with how the nightmare sequence was handled. Implementing the hospital scenario that way leaves a terrible fucking taste in my mouth. My heartstrings were toyed with for absolutely nothing.
is anyone awake for an early session? I won't be able to do any questing later at night, I've got a party to attend to.
>>26658023
Sure
>>26658023
Go on.
>>26654145
>>26654163
I can't watch this anymore. It's so boring.
>I shuffle a bit.
>I shake her lightly.
"Mom?"
>"mmummnnoouumm."
"Mom."
>"Wha-" she drowsily moans
>I feel her head lift. She lets out a big yawn.
>"Wha- What is it, Cough?"
"I'm kinda hungry."
>"mmm. Okay honey, give me a sec.
>She lifts herself off of me. I feel the warm spot she left behind.
>"What do you want?" She rubs her eyes.
(Okay! Early session it is!)
>>26658276
Depends on the time of day. If it is morning, cereal and milk. If it is afternoon, something warm and nutritious. Stew, thick soup maybe. If it's evening, sandwiches will do.
Thank mom in advance.
>>26658276
Some soup would be nice, please.
>>26658295
>>26658293
"Can I have some soup?"
>"Yep." She gives me a peck on the forehead.
>She gets up heads through the doorway towards the kitchen.
"Thank you."
>"You're welcome, sweetie."
>I sit and wait for a bit.
>The show's switched over to a movie about gladiators.
>A lot of flying demons and angry stallions with big grey beards.
>Apparently the main guys parents got killed by one of the grey beard guys, and now he's angry.
>So he's going around trying to kill all of these old guys, who happen to be extremely powerful.
This movie plays on this channel like, at least twice a week, but I can never stay awake through it.
>I can hear Mom humming in the kitchen. Along with boiling water.
>Soon she stands in the door of the living room.
>"Soup's on, Cough!"
>>26658539
Thanks.Can we get up yet?
>>26658539
Try to head to the kitchen.Don't fail this time, so our mom could be happy.
>>26658582
>>26658575
Okie dokie! Time to give this another shot.
>I unwrap myself, and take a shaky step off the couch.
Alright, I can stand!
>My steps are kinda clumsy, and every step I take makes my hooves ache.
>But, I power on to the kitchen.
>"You feeling better?"
"Alittle, yeah."
>She smiles as she walks towards me.
>"It's gonna get cold at this rate."
>Mom wraps a hoof around me, supporting me while she walks to the kitchen.
>Once we're in the kitchen she sits me at the table, where there are two bowls filled with soup.
>"Careful now, it's hot."
>I blow on my soup and take a careful sip.
Mmmm! Carrot soup!
>It's sweet and it warms my belly.
Mother does know best.
>"So. What were you up to yesterday?" Mom says before taking a sip of her soup.
(Alright, I gotta start cooking and such. Also, sorry for the dream sequence, didn't realize I was faking people out. See you guys for either a late night session, or another early session tomorrow.)
>>26658787
Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that.
Marigold and Sundae invited me to a movie, but I wasn't sure what it was. It was rated R, and it was filled with violence, blood, killing, and it made me feel really uncomfortable. I wanted to leave, but I didn't want to hurt their feelings.
I've already had a nightmare about it.
Added this quest to the archive:
https://www.anonpone.com/agony/
>>26658828
This, basically. But don't tell dad, he might joke about it.
>>26658902
>agony
>>26658787
It's fine, just be careful about doing that kind of stuff in the future.
