>"King Anon! Terrible news! The weapons you gave us malfunctioned and killed hundreds of enemy griffons!"
>>26076237
They had it coming. They will think twice before treading on uf again
>>26076237
>malfunctioned
>>26076237
Who said it wasn't mean to fire?
I didn't~
>>26076237
You know I'm not even gonna ask how-
I GAVE YOU GUYS NERF GUNS.
NERF. GUNS.
>>26076323
Kek
>>26076237
This is essentially our version of "Excuse me, Commissar" at this point, isn't it?
>>26076323
It must've been a faulty Valve. I heard the 3rd wave will fix the problem, they should be out soon.
>>26076237
>King
I am not a monarch. Call me PRESIDENT Anon. PRESIDENT.
>>26076237
If the griffons are/were our enemies then tell me how that's terrible new that they were killed by our weapons?
>>26076237
Only hundreds?
Sorry about that, old hoss. Me an' the boys will get back in the lab right away and see what we can do to increase lethality.
>>26076414
You cheeky cunt, kek
I find your lack of faith disturbing...
>>26076472
>implying anon would be elected for anything other than janitorial services
>>26076758
I don't know if you are thinking of the right kind of president.
>>26076237
So what was the malfunction?
>>26076237
>Weapon
>Malfunction
>Killed enemy
Something about this ain't right.
>>26076237
I...I gave you swords. What exactly did you think would happen when you stabbed someone?
>>26076237
Really? That shouldn't have happened. Try it again, just to be sure.
OP either fucked up, or is autistic. Most likely the latter.
>>26076237
>Terrible news
>Killed enemies
ITT: faggots that don't remember what the first thread was about
https://desustorage.org/mlp/thread/25670108/
>>26077150
>nobody posted about my cool reference D:<
What kind of training do you do to become a Royal Guard?
>>26077150
First thread somehow managed to be even gayer than this one desu senpai
>>26077306
Judging based on their canon effectiveness?
None.
>>26077306
You probably just slap the face4 of other guard until you both cry.
>>26077330
Are they just a way to show the males as weak, and the females as strong?
>>26077306
>training
It's like freshman football. You just sign up and they give you the gear.
>>26076237
>Only hundreds
DO YOU FAGGOTS EVEN KNOW WHAT I FUCKING GAVE YOU!?
DO YOU KNOW HOW TO OPERATE A FUCKING DEATH-PLANET!?
obviously cute little ponies don't know how a war is supposed to be
>>26076237
Well fuck me
That weapon was made to kill thousands, not hundreds
>>26076237
That's the whole fucking point
>>26076237
If only hundreds died than yes, the weapons did malfunction. Get them to the armory so they can be inspected. I had thought they would kill tens of thousands, not mere hundreds.
>>26077368
Not intentionally. Their more useful as cannon fodder to show off how dangerous shits got.
>>26076323
idk mang
this thing looks pretty savage
>>26078078
Please, that thing jams like hell and barely has enough power to launch a dart ten feet
>>26076323
>>26076237
>"King Anon! Terrible news! The weapons you gave us malfunctioned and killed hundreds of enemy griffons!"
>W-What the fuck did he just say?
"Excuse me soldier, can you run that by me again?
>You hope your years of blasting NWA is finally fucking up your ears.
>"The weapons you distributed out to us in the front line had a malfunction and killed many enemy griffons, sir!"
>...
"I GAVE YOU GUYS NERF GUNS. NERF GUNS. THE WORST IT CAN DO IS BE A CHOKING HAZARD MUCH LESS KILL A FUCKING GRIFFON."
>The messenger is taken aback at your sudden, explosive reaction.
>"No disrespect your majesty, but the ammunition you supplied us with were of the highest caliber the Equestrian Army has ever used."
"FOAM AND PLASTIC."
>"W-What?"
"THEY'RE MADE OF FOAM AND PLASTIC! HOW IS THAT LETHAL!?"
>I need a drink.
"Dismissed."
>"But K-"
"I said dismissed." You said harshly.
>The messenger bows his head and turns to leave.
>You stand and leave the court room not caring what other duties you had to complete today.
>You enter the kitchen, open the cupboard, and pull out someMarewaukeekill me please i dont know alcohol nor how to make puns
>You pour yourself a glass and chug it all down.
>Again and again you pour another glass, unable to coup with the fact of many lost souls.
>Little did Anon know, ponies were highly susceptible to even the smallest of boo boos.
>Even so, the messenger while leaving tripped on the last step of the stairs, landed on an emergency pillow and broke his neck.
>>26076237
So, uh, what's the problem here? Isn't killing as many enemies as possible kind of the point of weapons?
>>26076323
"FUCKING. NERF. GUNS."
>You grab one that you keep on your person, to show intimidation to stupid ponies
"See this?!"
>You take out a "bullet"
"This is nothing. It can't feasibly hurt anything. Unless its traveling at the speed of light, it can't- ok, you know what, let's ask the real question. HOW did it kill hundreds of enemy griffons?"
>All the guards start looking in different directions
"Well?!"
>One of them kicks a pegasus guard
>"Hey!"
>You use your pointer finger
"YOU!"
>He cowers in fear, but fuck it, you're getting your answer
>"Y-yes, my lord?"
"Do you know how this 'CATASTROPHE' happened?"
>"U-um..."
>He looks around the entire room
>"Alright, fine! It was me! I fired a warning shot, but... oh Celestia, the horror!"
>He fired a shot
>A nerf gun shot
>It killed hundreds
"...How?"
>You're trying your hardest to keep whatever composure you have left
>"W-well..."
>He takes a deep breath
>"The Griffon rebellion you told us to quell... they didn't listen to us."
"Yes, and?"
>"I thought that if they knew the awesome power of our weapons, they would surrender at first sight."
>Awesome power
>Fucking nerf guns
>JUST
"Ok ok ok... so you fired off a warning shot, and...?"
>He starts to hyperventilate a little bit
>"I-It was just one shot... but... it landed in the left eye of the griffon commander. He felt so much pain, he dropped his weapon... a-and that's when it all happened."
"What!? How the hell did a nerf gun to the eye kill everyone?!"
>"His weapon dropped onto another griffon, cutting its arm, which cased a crossbow to hit another griffon! Soon afterwards, all the griffons started panicking, fighting among themselves! They didn't know who to trust, so they... they-!"
>You put your palm out
"Enough... just enough..."
>You walk back to your throne
"Leave... I need to think about things."
>They all do as they're told
>Wow...
>Griffons started killing each other
>All because of a nerf gun to the eye
>...
>Every fucking time
>>26078603
This is good for an unexpected serious turn.
>>26078483
This is just funny.
>>26078078
Had one myself it never jammed on me but was a pain to reload, loud as fuck and took 6 C batteries I always liked the maverick more
>>26078078
Oh god, that thing.
It was awesome as hell when it worked, but that thing was so prone to jamming. Ended up being better off with the single shot mode instead of the electric one.
>>26078078
ah yes, the heavy machine gun
and I imagine this is a standard battle rifle?
>>26076294
kekked
>>26076237
I swore I only picked up one bit off the road.
>>26076237
Well which is it?
Did it malfunction, or did it kill hundred of enemy griffons?
Make up your mind!
>>26076237
Does your spear malfunction win you plunge it into a griffons chest! NO! It is a weapon, use it like a stallion dammit!
>>26076237
>terrible news
>killing of hundreds of enemies
Are you slow, Sir Guard?
>>26077368
There are female guards, so no.
>>26080488
I'll have you know I'm the 50 meter champion of my platoon! Took me 5 minutes, and I only dry heaved a little after!
>>26080488
>one off best number
>>26076237
Yes. This is serious. Send their king a gift basket of hotel soaps and stolen towels as an apology. And leave a lazily signed Hallmark card as well.
>With any luck the Royal Court will die within the week.
