>What have you gotten yourself into this time?
>It’s a question you're just now asking yourself, hoping that somewhere deep inside, there’ll be a concrete answer.
>Your mind skips back a few hours, sitting on your couch with Tally.
>Both of you had been out of a job for the last few weeks, she having been fired, your store having just gone under.
>Ever since you were a filly you’d wanted to be a grocer.
>While groceries and the selling of them weren’t exactly your special talent—organization was—it lent itself quite well to the task.
>However, getting a shop in Canterlot costs money, a lot of money.
>Open retail space is hard to come by, and ponies are just looking to squeeze every bit out of you they can.
>Even the lowest deal you'd been offered, fifty thousand bits, was no small price, and at the time you were having a trouble scrounging up the funds.
>To your surprise, Canterlot’s underground was a surprisingly friendly place, at least if you contrasted it with somewhere like Los Pegasus.
>Instead of continuing to scramble for the cash, you took a risk on a loan with some less than legitimate ponies, betting that your store would make it, and that you’d be able to pay off your debt in the long run.
>Life had other plans.
>While you put your heart and soul into the little store, in the end it just couldn’t compete, drowned out in a world of rising competition.
>Move on.
>Those two words had been echoing in your head for almost a month now.
>But you couldn’t.
>You merely sat apathetic and fearful of your rising debt and steadily plummeting quality of living, just wasting away in depressed anguish with Tally, a childhood friend and roommate, in your apartment.
>Rye and Willow, a few city friends, visited when they could, and helped take your mind off the situation for a while.
>Your drive to do anything was virtually nonexistent, and while you were frightened of the future, you were too tired and jaded to do anything about it in the now.
>>25957198
>So in the grand scheme of extricating yourself from this rut you’ve fallen into, you’ve done jack-shit.
>Well, that was up until today.
>A few hours after lunch, while Tally and you were following your daily routine of mutual moping, you’d received an unusual knock at the door.
>Rye and Willow would have both been at work, so you were puzzled at the idea of who could have been calling.
>Curious, you opened the door to a small white mare with a clipboard, her sky blue mane and golden eyes darting up and down your features.
>She proceeded to invite herself in and pull you aside, and while you normally would have asked her to leave, you were a little too flustered to do anything about it.
>After asking Tally for a little privacy and your roomie having retreated to the bedroom, the mare sat you down on the couch and began to speak.
>Her name was Kismet, Kis she liked to be called, and she supposedly worked for the ponies you’d been indebted to, The Gilded Hooves.
>With her mention of that name the thump of your heart picked up pace, your weeks of inaction finally catching up to you.
>But to your surprise, the mare quickly assured you that she wasn't a debt collector, her main job was in fact running a bar.
>Today she was merely here to help you out, offering a way to pay off the burden hanging over your head, as well as make some extra money on the side for rent and food.
>Still feeling a little skeptical, you decided to listen to her, repressing your anxiety for the moment.
>After making sure she'd assuaged your fears, she explained that her employer Drachma, a higher up in the Gilded, knew you'd been having some money trouble and understood that it was hard to get back on your hooves after such an ordeal.
>His offer was that through Kismet he'd deliver jobs for you to complete, and while on the sketchy side of legal, wouldn't require anything too nasty.
>And so, in a bit of a blind panic, you accepted.
>>25957203
>Impulsive, yes.
>Stupid, possibly.
>A glimmer of hope for escaping debt?
>Sadly, yes.
>Kismet took it very well, smiling happily as she pulled you into a hug, told you that everything was going to be alright and that she’d be back with your first assignment sometime in the next hour or so.
>In addition, she would explain the terms of the agreement upon her return, though there wouldn't be any contracts for you to sign.
>During the hug, the mare had also tucked something into your braid, but you still hadn’t taken a look at it just yet, a bit too distracted by what you’d just agreed to.
>From there her business was finished and you escorted her to the door in a daze, parting on somewhat happy terms.
>Once the mare was gone, Tally exited from the bedroom and asked what was going on, but for the moment you ignored her, rushing instead to the bathroom and splashing freezing water across your face to shock some sense back into you.
>What have you gotten yourself into this time?
>You stare into the cracked bathroom mirror, baby blue coat and orangey mane shining back in the dull light, trying to keep calm as the droplets of cold water find their way through your fur.
>To your right is a toilet, and behind you, a shower, a stack of neatly folded but aging towels, and the last of some shampoo bottles lazily tossed askew on the floor nearby.
>In front of you, below the mirror on the edge of the sink, are some toothbrushes and toothpaste, yours on the left, Tally’s on the right, and a clear difference between the two sides in terms of tidiness.
>From outside, Tally calls out to you.
>”Sharp? Are you alright? What happened with that mare?”
>input action
>>25957218
NOTHING
>>25957218
Ask her if there are any bits on the floor that you might have dropped.
>>25957218
N-nothing, I'm okay.
>>25957218
Check mane while trying not to panic.
>>25957218
Check mane.
Tell Tally we might have a way out of the debt.
Masturbate.
>>25957218
Was Tally a business partner or party to our debt? It sounds like she's a roommate who had her own job, if that's the case maybe we shouldn't involve her.
Say it was nothing for now, we can tell her later.
Check mane.
>>25957218
Check braid.
>>25957218
Try to leave through the bathroom window.
>>25957329
Anon, our earth pony hips will never fit.
>>25957344
As much as I'd like that, Sharp is a small pony, Anon.
>>25957318
This, and scold ourselves for not doing so sooner. We're much more likely to fail spectacularly if we don't pay attention to anything.
>>25957361
Yes. Small and wide.
>>25957382
Short and stout?
>>25957218
Willy is a childhood friend. I'm sure she's not stupid and will notice something's amiss.
Let's tell her we're finally getting an opportunity to get something done, but it seems risky or something. You're not sure you fully understood, but she'll come back soon with more information.
For now we just need to calm down and think.
>>25957382
Exactly. Just because we're on the smaller side it doesn't mean our ass can't be on point.
>>25957416
>Willy
Ugh
I meant Tally, obviously
>>25957432
Had me thinking I misread something for a moment there, Anon.
>>25957416
>>25957432
Ah yes Willy, our imaginary friend.
>>25957432
Oh I'm sure we can see a Willy too.
>>25957432
That was last CYOA. Hav was a very close friend of willy.
>>25957481
Harv*
>>25957472
>Willow is imaginary
It's too soon to spoil that, Anon.
>>25957478
A wily Willy?
>>25957504
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrBj3u5dPgM
>>25957501
>Willow
Now who are we talking about?
>>25957519
One of our other two friends, Rye being the other.
>>25957519
Willow from Hijack?
>>25957519
Another imaginary friend.
Just like Willy, Willard, and William.
My head hurts.
>>25957512
>>25957416Tally had her own job in construction.
>>25957245
>>25957301
"I-It's nothing Tally. I just need a minute to think..."
>you stammer out, hoping it'd satisfy her curiosity
>after a short, awkward pause, she chuckles
>"If you say so Sharpie. If you ask me, I thought you were a little anxious there, rushing past and locking yourself in there. I'm not going to pry, but if you need anything, I'll be here."
>she then mumbles something to herself before trotting off
>shortly after, you hear a puff of released air
>probably her collapsing onto your couch
>>25957264
>>25957276
>>25957301
>>25957318
>you inspect your braid, taking deep breaths as you fiddle with it
>inside is concealed a small white business card, the corners embellished with small, flowery designs
>in its center is a name, and underneath that an address, both in fancy lettering
The Last Laugh
44 Grapevine St, Canterlot
>input actionCharacter List: http://pastebin.com/eSW5Hevs
>>25957609
Apply cold water directly to face area.
>>25957609
>shortly after, you hear a puff of released air
Did she fart?
>>25957635
Can you read?
>>25957609
Splash water on face, exit bathroom, address Tally.
"Hey Tally, you ever hear of 'The Last Laugh'?"
>>25957609
We should go check out this address after Kis comes back.
>>25957641
>probably her collapsing onto your couch
>probably
I'm pretty sure that dirty skank just farted.
>>25957666
We must know for sure.
Quickly, burst out of the bathroom and see if she is on the couch or not.
>>25957666
Fillies don't satan. Everyone knows this.
>>25957696
This. And if she is, we have to make her ours. Mares like an assertive stallion. She'll love our forwardness.No means Yes
>>25957697
>fillies don't satan
Fillies satan all the time, anon.
>>25957717
>Stallion
>>25957717
We're not a stallion tho
>>25957743
>>25957742
We're going to rape her. So we're a stallion. Females can't rape. If not physically, we're a stallion at heart.
>>25957717
Aren't we a mare though
I guess that was never explicitely stated.
Are we a mare or a stallion?
>>25957758
yes
>>25957758
It was explicitly stated in CYOA general that we are a mare. Not that we should let that stop us.
I say we do everything suggested so far.
Burst out of the bathroom, and demand that Tally tell us if she has farted, if she has heard of the last laugh, and if she wants to do it.
>>25957626
>>25957651
>you splash a little more water onto your face and wipe your eyes
>again, the cool sensation runs across your cheeks, and you let out a contented sigh
>you feel a little better now, if still rather stressed out
>>25957651
>>25957658
>you then open the bathroom door and trot into the living room, Tally already having settled into her usual position on the couch, napping
"Hey Tally, you ever hear of 'The Last Laugh'?"
>you ask, plopping down next to her
>eyes still closed, she mumbles
>"Ah... I think it's a bar. Not too sure. Only heard the name, never seen it. Why? You get a job offer or something?"
>input action
>>25957758You are a mare.
>>25957609
Wash face.
>>25957796
...Yes
>>25957796
Yeah, it's something. Might be able to get me back on my hooves.
>>25957796
Tell her you do.
Then go to the bathroom and wash your face.
>>25957796
Yeah. Guess I'll go have a look in a bit.
>>25957796
Offer, not really. Opportunity more like.
The mare who came here earlier left me this card and it had the address on it.
>>25957796
"I think so. Maybe? I'm not really sure, but I got this business card."
>hand over card for inspection
>covertly sniff air to confirm or refute fart hypothesis from earlier
>>25957823
>>25957796
Or something, not really sure what it is yet.
>>25957796
Sort of.
>>25957810
>>25957811
>>25957816
>>25957819
>>25957821
>>25957823
>>25957873
>>25957884
>Fiddling with your braid, you gulp down nervousness and nod
"Eh, I guess you could call it that. Maybe more of an opportunity?"
>You then tap Tally with the card you'd been left, and she rubs her eyes before opening them and inspecting the evidence presented before her
>"Odd..."
"That mare from before gave it to me. I'm not too sure what for."
>after a few more seconds of consideration, Tally hoofs the card back
>"Well, did she tell you anything else? It seems strange some barmare'd come all the way out here to tell you she had a job for you."
>input action
>>25957904
Does our friend know we went in with the pone mob to start up our business or does she think we have normal debts?
>>25957904
Yeah whatever. Hey, wanna get pissed?
>>25957904
"She said that everything would be alright, and that she'd be back in an hour with my first assignment. Then she hugged me and covertly put this card in my hair, like we were in some kind of spy novel or something."
>>25957904
She said she knew about my money situation and wanted to help.
>>25957904
I think she's representing more than one bar.
You ever heard of the Gilded Hooves?
>>25957933
Anon pls.
>>25957953
This.
>>25957928
Ordinary debts.
>>25957952
>>25957953
>>25957967
"I think she's representing more than one bar... Said she heard about my money situation and was looking to help. Ever hear of the Gilded Hooves?"
>Tally raises an eyebrow
>"I have. Has somepony found themselves treading water a little too deep for their hooves?"
>input action
>>25958023
Probably, but that somepony wouldn't be us. Obviously. Haha, there's no need to worry about us, truely. Aha.
>>25958023
N-no, of course not.
What have you heard?
>>25958023
Uh, why? What have you heard?
>>25958023
What a silly notion. You are silly. What a silly pony.
>>25958023
"What? No! I'm perfectly fine, I just-- YES! IT'S ALL TRUE! I don't know what I'm going to do Tally, for the love of Celestia please help me!"
>break down in sobs and grab her in a hug just a bit too tightly.
>>25958066
>and for maybe just 20 seconds too long
>>25958045
>>25958050
>>25958052
>>25958058
>quickly, you plaster on a fake smile and giggle, trying to conceal yet more anxiety
"W-What a silly idea, m-me? No, of course not."
>this earns you another raised eyebrow, but no comment from Tally herself
>quickly looking to change the subject, nudge her and ask
"So, what have you heard?"
>"Mostly neutral things. They run a few bars across town. I imagine the 'Laugh' is one of them. Beyond that, I'm not well informed. Bit of a shady organization."
>input action
>>25958119
"How shady? Do you think I should toss the card or follow up on it?"
>>25958119
Oh. I guess I'll have to be careful then.
>>25958119
Shady and neutral? How do you mean?
>>25958119
Oh. Well it's a good thing we don't have anything to worry about. Anything regarding money and debts.
...she's going to try to follow us without us knowing as soon as we leave.
>>25958138
>>25958155
>>25958158
"Oh. Guess I'll have to be careful then. Do you think I should toss the card or follow up on it."
>Tally chuckles again, then closes her eyes
>"We're both hurting for bits Sharpie, I don't think tossing it's an option right now. At least check it out. If it's much too dangerous, I'd say drop it, but other than that I'd go for it."
"Hm. Alright. You said neutral. What do you mean?"
>"Maybe that wasn't the greatest adjective... It's an organization that likes its privacy. I wouldn't be surprised if they were pulling some strings behind the scenes of the public. That sound better?"
>input action
>>25958215
Clop hooves together nervously and chew your bottom lip.
>>25958231
Seconded. I like the idea of us being a nervous pony.
>>25958215
No, that sounds much worse.
Oh fuck.
>>25958215
Ehehehehe....
>>25958258
I agree. Nervous is a good character.
>>25958215
Guess I'll check it out for now then. It'll probably be fine, toootaly fine, hehe.. Anyway, uh, that mare said she'd be back in an hour or so with some more info, so I guess until then we shouldcuddle.
>>25958288
A nervous easily panicked pony, involved in the mob.
YES.
>>25958306
Do we get a mob nickname?
I vote Twitch.
>>25958322
Oh hell yeah.
I pray to all the gods of irony that the mob names us this.
>>25958304
I vote for saying this, but only if we include the elongated "totally" and the nervous laugh.
>>25958231
>>25958258
>>25958262
>>25958272
>>25958304
"N-No, that sounds much, much worse."
>you stutter, starting to hyperventilate a little
>Tally cracks open an eye and watches you for a moment, then places a hoof on both of yours
>without realizing it, you'd been clopping them together in nervous fright, but you quickly stop and hide them behind your back
>Tally gives you a goodnatured smile and places them back on your lap, before cooing
>"Listen sweetie, I'm not trying to scare you, i-if you've gotten yourself involved with these guys I'm sure you'll be fine. Just watch yourself. Alright?"
"A-Alright. I'm probably just overacting anyway... That mare said she'd be back in an hour or so with some more info. Hopefully good."
>Tally nods sleepily, then stands and yawns
>"Sounds fine. I'm going to get a drink, then come back here and sleep. You have any big plans yourself?"
>input action
>>25958377
"Actually, a drink sounds good to me too. Maybe it'll calm me down, so I don't look so nervous. Wait, do I look nervous? Tally, why didn't you tell me I look nervous?!"
>hyperventilate
>>25958377
Try to read something while waiting.
Read the same page six times.
>>25958377
No, i'll just wait. Don't want to miss her arrival.
Kill time by doing your favourite hobby; knitting.
>>25958377
>Drunk sounds good. I mean drink. I'm just thirsty...
>>25958377
Drink will defintly help settle the nerves!
>>25958406
Knitting? Our cutie mark is a numbered pad of paper. Our favorite hobby is clearly trying to place everything in the proper order to combat the inherent chaos of the universe.
>>25958377
>Hiding our hooves behind our back
What?
>>25958377
Tally is gonna die somehow, I'm calling it now.
>>25958434
Agreed. It's not OCD, it's efficiency!
>>25958434
What is more chaotic than a ball of yarn? What is more orderly than turning it into something useful?
hmm. Maybe jigsaw puzzles instead?
>>25958439
We were sitting on the couch at the time.
>>25958434
Now we're nervous AND neurotic. Huzzah!
>>25958434
>nervous nancy
>probably owed to her ocd
This is hilarious.
>>25958458
You know what's REALLY good at turning chaos into order? Compulsive cleaning. And it fits in well with the QMs earlier comment about one side of the bathroom being a lot cleaner than the other side.
>>25958477
That works.
>>25958477
Dubs confirm!
We must spend the next hour alphabetizing our sock drawer!
>>25958492
"Black... blue... cyan... WHITE?! What are you doing here! You belong on the other end, right after violet!"
>>25958567
Do you think if Kisnet and Tally are in the same room, we'd move around so that the ponies are in a proper colour spectrum order too?
>>25958587
Yes, but we'd have to keep moving around to change it.
Alphabetical by color name? No, that doesn't feel right. In order of color saturation? No, that doesn't work either. Organized by the relative warmness of the colors? Hmm, that will do. For now, anyway.
>>25958427
>>25958403
>>25958433
>>25958434
>>25958477
>>25958488
>>25958492
"Drunk sounds good, I-I mean drink. A drink sounds good. Maybe it'll calm me down, so I don't look so nervous. W-Wait, do I look nervous?"
>Tally giggles
"T-Tally, why didn't you tell me I look nervous!"
>"I-I don't know Sharp, it's pretty obvious to me. Anyway, I was just going to grab something small from the convenience store. Maybe I'll get a six-pack if you're feeling thirsty too."
>feeling a little slighted, you nod and lie back on the couch, Tally exiting the apartment shortly after
>so, now that Tally's out of the house, you decide to do some cleaning
>during grade school, you always used to tidy your sock drawer before tests
>sometimes, you even did your sister's, and once your mothers
>the latter had resulted in a flurry of embarrassment from your mother, and her asking you to refrain from poking around in her private drawers
>with more experience now than your naive younger self, you also like to refrain from imagining what your mom had been hiding, and what you could have accidentally stumbled upon
>today, you decide to tidy up the bathroom
>Tally had left all the shampoo bottles strewn across the floor, and wasn't one for folding her towels after using them either
>but in a flash, you're able to whip it into sparkling order
>just as you stop to admire your work, letting out a contented sigh, the door to your apartment opens and Tally calls out to you
"I'm back Sharp! You want a can?"
>input action
>>25958630
"Yes please, I'd love one."
"No, not that one. The one on your left."
>>25958630
Take the one that evens out the pack so four are left in a square.
>>25958630
sure
>>25958675
...but then realize that the can we took has a hoofprint on it. Consider switching it out, but then chicken out.
Drink from the far side of the can so we don't have to see the hoofprint.
Get weird looks from Tally.
>>25958703
Ok, there's being nervous, and then there's being insane.
Just ignore the hoof print while silently screaming.
>>25958719
Fair enough.
As long as we're still silently screaming, I have no problem with having enough willpower to not make an ass of ourselves in public.
>special talent is organization
>has Howard Hughes style OCD
>is about to start working for the mob
This game isn't over until we're running the world's most efficient crime syndicate.
>>25958790
>Someone refers to our money as being dirty and we go legitimate overnight and legally buy up half the city and turn out to be a force for good
>The salty old cop that's been chasing us for years retires and takes up drinking
>>25958651
>>25958675
>>25958683
"Oh, Sure!"
>You trot out from the bathroom and see Tally grabbing a can from the middle of the pack.
>Instantly, you dive for it and snatch it from her hooves, then remove two cans from the end to make the pack into a square.
>Tally gives you an odd look as you hoof her one of your pilfered goods, but shrugs and takes her drink just the same.
>You place the pack neatly on the floor and take a seat as well, then crack it open and take a long swig.
>After finishing your first draught, you set the can down on the couch's hoofrest, noticing that a muddy hoofprint has taken residence on the side of your can, and it certainly wasn't you who put it there.
>It makes you uncomfortable.
>After a lovely half hour of lounging with Tally, a knock on the door breaks the two of you from your stupor.
>"Well, that's probably your mare... You want me to leave so the two of you can talk in private?"
>input action
>>25958790
>>25958813I still think the 'jobs' is probably lewd related and we're gonna become forced to be whores.
>>25958836
Yes
>>25958836
"No. Why would you have to--"
>Oh right, mafia.
"Uh, actually yes, if you don't mind?"
>>25958836
Yes, thank you.
Ooh, I really hope this bar needs a new accountant, because we would balance the SHIT out of those numbers.
With color co-ordinated pie charts, sales projections carefully regressed to the mean, and scaled graphs of liquor sales showing the popularity of various mixed drinks at different times of day.
>>25958841
Dont worry anon
We're a little mare
We'll be fine
>>25958841Not at all.
>>25958852
>>25958878
>>25958911
"Why wo--Oh, y-yes, that'd be great. I-If you don't mind."
>She nods.
>"Sure, sure, whatever... Maybe we won't be stuck here in the mud anymore if this goes well for you."
>She quickly exits to the bedroom, while you stumble to the door.
>As soon as it opens, a white hoof forces its way through and Kismet pries the door open.
>In a bubbly voice, she smiles, shutting the door behind her.
>"Hiya! Have you had time to think about the off--"
>She stops suddenly, peering around the apartment.
>"Is your friend still here?"
>input action
>>25958841
It's not dirty ifyou use protection.
>>25958990
She lives here.
>>25958990
She's in the bedroom.
>>25958990
Yeah, she's in the other room though.
>>25958990
Uh yeah. Is that a problem?
>>25958990
"Yeah, but don't worry, I had her go into the other room. That way she won't hear all our secret mafia plans!"
>"..."
"I already fucked up, didn't I?"
>>25959003
>>25959004
>>25959025
>>25959033
"She lives here."
>you deadpan
"But don't worry, I had her go into the bedroom."
>"O-Oh, alright! We'll have some privacy then?"
>you nod
>"Great!"
>like lightning, she escorts you to your own couch and sits you down, noticing the cans you and Tally had drained
>"So... Business! As I mentioned before, you'll now be working for the Gilded. Every so often, I'll arrive with a job for you. You'll be like a freelancer, only on call when you've been given a task to complete. But trust me, it'll be often. To generalize it, you'll be doing odd jobs that it'd be difficult for other ponies to complete. You... Did get the card I gave you right?"
>input action
>>25959168
Oh, yeah I did.
>>25959168
Sure did. So does pay vary with the jobs or...?
>>25959168
Yes
I assume I have to go there when I'm done with a job, no?
>>25959178
>>25959183
>>25959219
"Yes, I did."
>she grins, and claps her hooves in excitement
>"Goody! That's sort of a... Ah, base of operations for the Gilded. I'm the boss over there, so if you ever need help or info, it'd be a good place to visit."
>you nod
"So, more on the financial side, will the pay vary with jobs?"
>Kismet nods
>"Indeed! The difficulty of the job will determine how much you'll make off it, as well as the length of your involvement. For example, tonight's job is relatively easy compared to what's been given out before, and only lasts one night. It'll earn you a couple hundred bits total, if all goes well."
>you whistle a little, before asking another question
"And to get paid, I-I'm going to have to go back there when I'm done with a job. Right?"
>"Right Sharp! Oh, another thing, do you have a nickname or something you'd prefer to just Sharp?"
>input action
>>25959283
D-do we need a nickname?
>>25959283
Twitch.That's what they called us at school.
>>25959283
Go for something super cheesy from a action film, like Bon, Bon Bon. Just like the secret agent films featuring Sweet Drops the CIA mare!
>>25959283
We should probably have an alias if we're working on the... sketchy side of the law.
Anything you think that fits, as long as it has an even number of letters
>>25959318
Yep
>>25959318
Seconded with every fiber of my being.
>>25959318
Works on two levels.
Twitch, because we're neurotic, and Twitch because the structure of CYOAs means that this quest is basically "twitch plays pony mafia".Praise the Helix fossil.
But praise it in an orderly fashion.
>>25959461
>>25959305
>>25959318
>>25959412
>>25959415
>>25959417
>>25959461
"D-Do we need a nickname?"
>Kismet shrugs
>"I like to think it's fun, but whatever you like is all good with me."
"Then maybe... Twitch! Y-Yeah Twitch."
>Kismet gives you a curious look, and queries
>"Why that?"
"O-Oh, it's what they used to call me at school. Sort of a playful thing. Oh, and it has an even number of letters."
>you grin happily, very pleased with yourself
>this earns a laugh from Kismet, who finishes the tail end of it with
>"Well, it'll work just fine for our purposes. I assume you'll want to hear about tonight's job now, but if you have any more questions I'll be happy to answer them before we get started!"
>input action
>>25959555
nothing I can think of.
>>25959555
What do I owe?
>>25959589
>what do we owe?
Fifty thousand bits, according to >>25957198.
>>25959555
Are these jobs going to be, um, violent?
Not to pry into your business, but violence usually causes messes and, well I'm just not a messy pony.
>>25959642
Not that we're against CLEANING UP after violence. We'd be fine with that.
>>25959555
"Yes, actually. What is the interest rate on our loan, and how often is it compounded? I've been meaning to make a spreadsheet, you see..."
>>25959628
That's what we borrowed, not what we owe.
>>25959699
Fair point. We should find out.
>>25959687
Ask this stuff too.
>>25959657
We'd be good at that. No bloodstain unscrubbed!
>>25959589
>>25959628
>>25959642
>>25959687
>>25959725
>The word "questions" echoes in your mind.
>Your stomach sinks to your hooves.
"If I was to be forward... H-How much do I owe? It was fifty thousand originally, but I understand there's probably been some... Interest. I've been meaning to make a spreadsheet actually."
>she nods
>"Ah, yes... It's upwards of seventy thousand now, but I don't know the exact amount. Y-You can work it off though!"
>Kismet grins and pulls you into another hug, which you awkwardly accept
"O-Oh... Alright. A-Another question. Are these jobs going to be, um, violent? Not to pry into your business, but violence usually causes messes and, well I'm just not a messy pony."
>Kismet releases her grip on you and thinks for a second
>"Well... The short answer is yes. There might be some misunderstandings on your jobs, specifically if you end up getting caught. But you won't have to kill or seriously injure anypony."
>input action
>>25959776
I guess that will have to be good enough. It's not like we're in any position to say no. Accept and ask about the job.
>>25959776trip
Good. So what's the first one?
>>25959776
Will we get hurt or seriously injured?
>>25959776
O-okay
>>25959776
"Don't worry, I don't think I'll get caught. I'm small and unassuming, and really good at being careful. Uh, not that I'm bragging or anything. It's just that I'm reeeeeaaaaaalllllly good at being careful."
>>25959776
Oh. Goody.
>>25959826
Not if we're careful.
And we're as careful as OCD can be.
>>25959776
Ok then, we should get started. We want to work this off as fast as possible, and I'm sure better work will come our way if we do a good first job.
>>25959776
>>25959822
>>25959824
>>25959826
>>25959840
>>25959873
>>25959877
>>25959930
"O-Oh. Goody."
>you say, a bead of sweat forming on the nape of your neck
"W-Wait, could I get killed or seriously injured?"
>you say, panic rising
>unable to answer, Kismet stammers before responding
>"I-It's possible, but incredibly unlikely. Especially killed, I doubt anypony's looking to kill a pretty mare like you."
>not very reassuring, but you decide to psyche yourself up, if only to boost your confidence
"W-Well, I don't think I'll get caught. I'm small and unassuming, and really good at being careful. What's my first job?"
>Kismet grins
>"That's the spirit!"
>next, from her mane she retrieves a small vial
>"Your job tonight is to head to a winery, 'Bitterhoof.' They're holding a party tonight, so most of their employees should be distracted with that. During the party, you're going to do a little exploration, and find their 'animal' wine cellar. Inside, you'll slip this sedative into all the barrels they have of what they refer to as Snake 3. I don't know what it is, I guess they just nickname some of their wines that way. Then make a snappy exit, and head back to the 'Laugh.' Sound alright to you?"
>input action
>>25959978
>have a beer
>work place is a bar kind of
>first mission involves a winery
What the fuck is going on with all the alcohol today?
>>25959978
What type of sedative? Some ponies are allergic you know!
>>25959978
Anesthesiology is the most dangerous medical position for a reason! You might not meant to but if the sedative reacts poorly...
Ponies could be seriously hurt here! This mare is lying, or is ignorant of the facts.
Keep all this to yourself though, just nod and smile. Hopefully they have an invitation for us.
>>25960036
Also alcohol can mess with a lot of drugs.
>>25960034
You ever heard of a roofie?
>>25959978
"Sure, I can do that."
>AHHHHH! They want me to poison people and I'm going to get caught and then they will send me tojailandIwillnevergetoutandmylifewillbeoverandahhhhhhahhhhhhahhhh
"Could you hand me another of those beers you're sitting next to?"
>>25960034
>>25960036
>>25960060
>>25960141
"What type of sedative?"
>You ask, thinking about the possibilities of allergic reactions, and what could happen if you put just a little too much of the drug into one of the barrels.
>"Oh, I'm not sure. It was given to me as part of the job. It's liquid though, I know that much."
>She says, giving the vial a small shake.
>She then tosses it to you, and you fumble to catch it for a moment.
>Once safely in your hooves and your unsettling thoughts of it being smashed upon the floor pushed from your mind, you ask another question.
"So, do you have an invitation for me?"
>she nods
>"Indeed! Just say you're with Green Wrench and they'll let you in easy peasy."
"O-Oh, that's Great!"
>You falsely stutter, smiling on the outside, heart thumping a mile a minute on the inside.
"On an unrelated note Would you mind hoofing me one of those beers on the floor next to you? The rightmost one, p-please."
>"Oh, well don't get too tipsy..."
>Kismet, seemingly oblivious to your inner pain, mentions as she grabs the drink you motioned for and passes it over
>input action
>>25960208
Anything else I should know?
>>25960208
Drink beer, try to be satisfied with just half so we don't get drunk.
Ask when we should show up to the party by, and if we need to dress up for it.
>>25960208
Do I need to dress fancy?
>>25960263
>>25960245
>>25960306
>After a small gulp, you put the drink down and ask.
"So, what time is it at, and will I need to dress up?"
>Kismet shakes her head
>"6:00, and the party runs until 9:30. Oh, and you can dress nice if you like, but I've been told its a casual setting. And... Well, I doubt you'd have anything too formal to begin with."
>The comment stings a little, but you ignore it and move on.
"A-Alright. So is there anything else I need to know?"
>Kisment nods
>"If you get thrown out, don't expect to get paid. This needs to be a stealthy operation. Other than that, I think you're good. Any last questions on the specifics?"
>input action
>>25960409
"Do you have a map? Or at least a description of how I'm supposed to find the room with the snake wine?"
>>25960409
If I get thrown out, what happens to me? A-are ponies less friendly than you going to come for me?
I love how many questions we're asking.
We're so careful and prepared.
>>25960429
>>25960442
"Okay... Do you have a map? Or at least some sort of description on how to find the room with the wine I'm supposed to find?"
>Kismet shakes her head.
>"Sadly, I don't. What I do know is that in their back room, there's a host of cellars, each holding a different style of the establishment's wine. Get back there, and you should be able to scope it out."
>You nod, and prepare another question for launch.
"A-And i-if I was to get thrown out, what would happen? A-Are ponies less friendly than you going to come for me?"
>Kismet shakes her head again.
>"No sweetie, nobody's going to come for you. The guards might ah, rough you up a little, and you might be banned from the premises, but if you play it off right you could just be some ditzy mare who got lost."
>Kismet ends the last line with a wink
>"So I think that's all for now... It's about... 3:30 right now, so you've got a few hours to prepare. Good luck!"
>After this, she stands and begins heading to the door.
>input action
>>25960583
See her to the door.
Say say see you later with a smile.
Hyperventilate into a paper bag.
>>25960583
So "Snake 3", right?
>>25960583
Good night Kismet. Let's scope out the place real quick.
>>25960512
What's that supposed to mean?
>>25960583
Do this stuff first:
>>25960613
Then go tell our roommate that we got a job. Rejoice. Hug. Leave out important details.
Then place our unfinished beer in a plastic baggie on the far left of the top shelf of the fridge for later.
Then try and find out about the winery. Ironically, the bar might be a good place to ask around.
>>25960636
It means exactly what I said.
We ask a lot of questions.
This shows that we are careful and like to be prepared.
This fits with Sharp Catalog's characterization, and I like it.
>>25960613
>>25960629
>>25960636
>>25960655
>immediately, you stand to escort her grinning all the while
"Snake 3, right?"
>"You got it Twitch! See you later!"
>she smiles, before giving one last hug and exiting, leaving the apartment empty
>shaking, you place your beer into a neat plastic bag, zip it up, and place it in the fridge, on the top left shelf
>breathing heavily, you then trot back to the bedroom and peer inside
>Tally is sitting on your bed reading, and when you open the door she gives you a small smile
"I got a job."
>you say softly, plodding over to see her
>in an instant, she's pulled you onto the bed and into a hug
>"Hey, good job Sharp! Now I just need to get off my lazy ass and... Well, anyway, what was the job she was hiring you for anyway? Must be something important..."
>input action
>>25960989
Shit, we didn't plan this through.
>>25960989
Uh... advertising.. for the bar... at a party...
>>25960989
...stuff
>>25960989
The mare who runs the bar needs us to...
...do odd jobs?
Yes, that. Talking to people and delivering things and stuff. It'll have irregular hours, but the pay is good. My first task is tonight.
None of that is lies.
>>25960989
Working for the bar doing a bit of this, a bit of that.
I actually have a delivery of a special booze additive that they want me to make just this evening.
>>25960989
Uh, catering assistant!
>>25961005
>>25961044
>>25961055
>>25961056
>>25961110
>>25961182
>You start sweating.
>You had in no way prepared for this, and rack your brain for an excuse.
"I-I... Odd jobs? Like talking to ponies and delivering things. T-Tonight I'm going to advertise and deliver something... At a wine tasting party."
>Tally gives you a playful punch, and grins.
>"Lucky. Seems like a strange thing to come all the way up here to ask for, but it seems like a pretty good gig. How's the pay?"
"She told me it'll be irregular, but good."
>"Well, as long as it can keep us off the streets, it'll be fine."
>You're then freed from Tally's grasp, and you unwittingly roll out of her hooves over to the other side of the bed, ending on your back and staring up towards the ceiling
>after a pause, she sighs, and in a bit of a gloomy tone continues
>"Well, I guess I'll see you later. Unless you're not leaving right now. I don't know."
>input action
>>25961195
Yeah, I should be back later tonight.
Also, let's flip through our closet to see if we have anything decent to wear.
>>25961195
Well, it doesn't actually start until six, so we could stay for a little while.
>>25961213
This.
>>25961213
This. If not, skip it.
Then I vote we go to the bar to ask around about the winery.
>>25961213
A casual sundress should work.
>>25961213
>>25961214
>>25961224
>>25961225
>>25961246
"Well, it doesn't start until six, so I could stay a while. Anyway, I'll see if I have anything decent to wear."
>Tally sighs and nods, and you respond by rolling off the bed and trotting over to the closet
>you then decide on a nice, light purple dress that in your opinion, compliments your coat
>it's rather airy, and as such still retains freedom of movement
>sadly, it happens to be one of only two dresses you own, the other being a much heavier gown you've saved since graduation
>input action
>>25961348
Seems good to me.
Though if we're going to go case the joint, we should probably come back for the dress.
>>25961348
Lets go find the place first. Wouldn't want to get lost on the way.
>>25961365
>>25961348
How fast can we get in or out of the dress? It might pay to be able to change appearance quickly.
>>25961365
>>25961394
>>25961401
>if you wanted, you could probably ditch the dress in just a few seconds, but it's a nice one, and you'd only want to lose it as a last resort
>for the moment, you take off the dress and nearly fold it back into its position on top of your gown, then turn back to Tally
"I'm going out to size the place up, but should be back before the party."
>Tally grunts
>"Alright... Guess I'll see you later then."
>and on that note, you exit the apartment, excited, but also frightened
>it's an odd feeling
>you spend about 20 minutes ambling around Canterlot and asking for directions before you find the place, which happens to be a rather large stone building sandwiched between two apartment complexes
>it appears to be only one story, but you assume there's probably some floors below for the cellars
>between the rightmost apartment complex and the building is an alley, which you also assume leads around the back
>the entrance is a large stone archway, and a sign hangs from it advertising 'Bitterhoof's Annual Wine Eatery and Tasting, tonight at 6PM.'
>the entrance itself is a set of open, wooden double doors, but from your position on the street you can't view the inside of the building
>input action
>>25961595
Try to go around the outside and look for any other exits to the building.
>>25961595
There any fire escapes near the roof?
>>25961595
Look in windows.
>>25961595
>but you assume there's probably some floors below for the cellars
>probably
You are not a very smart pony.
>>25961691
>not having a cellar in your attic
>>25961649
>you look to the apartments adjacent to the building, and spot a fire escape on the left complex rather close to the stone roof of the winery
>you'd have to make a small jump from it to reach the roof, which is a bit frightening, but nothing you can't handle
>>25961622
>>25961689
>next, you head around the back of the building via the alleyway, peering in windows to inspect the inside
>the first window you peer through is stationed at the back of a bar, overlooking a grungy looking diner style eatery
>it appears to be closed, each table having an assortment of chairs stacked atop it, but a few of the lights inside remain lit
>in the next, you spot quite the contrast, a beautifully laid out set of dinner tables in a ballroom, surrounding a ballroom floor
>in the third and final one you can peek through, you spot a kitchen, with a few cooks busying themselves preparing dishes, in preparation for tonight
>after these three windows you peer into the alley behind the building, inspecting the back wall for any other entrances
>a back door emblazoned with "Staff Only" lies in the middle of the stone wall, and a retractable ladder leading to the roof lies pulled up, out of your reach
>input action
>>25961819
Continue around the building, looking in all windows. We need all the information we can get.
>>25961836
>you continue around the building, looking for more windows to peer through
>on the back and left side, you find none, but looking through the front you discover another angle of the dingy bar you spotted before, and what appears to be a reception desk
>looking through the open double doors, there appear to be three possible directions to travel, right to the bar, left to the reception, and forward, of which your vision is blocked by yet another wood door
>input action
>>25961937
Head to reception.
Ask about the wine tasting advertised out front.
>>25961937
We don't want to get caught snooping.
>>25962017
Who's snooping? We're just a curious pony who likes wine and is inquiring about the event promoted out front.
>>25961937
Check reception. Give fake name if necessary. No, Fake Name is not a good fake name.
>>25962054
>>25962073
Would that not seem strange if we are appearing at this event later, anyway?
>>25962104
Not really. Asking about the event then showing up? Seems about what you'd expect.
>>25962104
Not really. We're just someone's +1. No reason to think we've actually been here before.
Agreed, but we WILL need a fake name for the party.
We can't use Sharp Catalog, that's our real name.
Should we give "Twitch" as our name?
"Hi everybody, I'm Twitch Plays!"
It works.
>>25962146
I second using Twitch as our name.
>>25961988
>>25962073
>next, you decide to head inside, and saunter up to the mare at the reception
>coolly, you ask
"So, would you mind informing me what's going on with the wine tasting tonight? I saw the ad outside and was, ah, curious."
>the mare dully nods, and in a deadbeat voice reads off, as if from memory
>"It's an annual event, where the company holds an paid wine tasting event. There'll be wine, food, and dance. You can pay for a ticket here, where it'll be ninety-five bits, or if you were invited by Bitterhoof, it's free admission."
>here, the mare brightens up a little, and appears to go off script
>"We've got quite the crowd tonight, and if rumors are true one of the princesses may be showing. I think wee'll be in for an exciting evening."
>input action
>>25962188
Oh. A princess. How delightful.
>>25962188
"Ooh, a princess? Which one? Spill!"
>>25962201
Don't be such a pussy.
>>25962188
Guys! Guys! Hey guys!
Seriously, guys, hold up for a minute!
Are we about to poison a princess?
>>25962216
Pussies stay out of jail.
>>25962205
>eager to hear, you excitedly ask
"Ooh, a princess? Which one? Spill!"
>the mare chuckles at your response, before shrugging
>"Well, it's only a rumor, but I believe Princess Twilight may be making an appearance. No promises though."
>the mare ends with a wink, giggling to herself as she lies back in her chair, spinning a pen on one of her hooves
>input action
>>25962287
Oh god, we're going to poison Twilight.
"What wines are being served?"
>pleasedontbethesnakeonepleasedontbethesnakeonepleasedontbethesnakeone
>>25962307
It's okay, it's just a sedative.R-right?
>>25962307
I don't think Twilight's the one they're after. We're going after this wine during the event, not before. They'll have already brought up the wine being served.
>>25962322
Like they would tell us if it wasn't? Face it, we're working for Maven Blackbriar now, and she wants Honningbrew out of business.
>>25962307
>starting to get a little fearful, you stammer out as calmly as you can
"O-Oh! So what wines are being served?"
>the mare shrugs
>"Oh, a variety from our forest and urban collections."
>the mare smiles
>"You know, it's great to find somepony else interested in wines, and you strike me as being somepony who does. Do you plan on coming tonight?"
>input action
>>25962404Thank God.
I think I will. I have a friend who's going to this, and I'll see if I can't piggyback off of him.
>>25962423
This.
>>25962404
I might have a ticket already, depending on if a friend comes through for me or not.
I am very interested in your wine selection though. Big fan of Pinot Noir and Primitivo or Zinfandel. Will you be serving any of those varietals?
>>25962452
Do wines even have the same names in Equestria? How do we know we won't sound like an idiot making up words?
>>25962470
Honestly, I assume it's all translated horse noises.
>>25962452
>implying Sharp knows anything about wine
She's not aninnkeeperanon.
>>25962486
>JAD joke
Goddamn it anon.
>>25962423
>>25962443
>>25962452
"I think I will... I've got a friend going to this, and I'll see if I can piggyback off him."
>the mare grins
>"Great! I hope to see you here. I'll be running the desk, so if you're ever bored or just need somepony to hang out with during the party, come visit! It gets lonely out here, with the party happening inside."
>to her words you nod along thoughtlessly, mostly ignoring the mare's statements while trying to think of wine names
"I, uh, a question about the wine selection. I'm a fan of... Pinot Neighr and Zinfandel. Will either of those be on the table tonight?"
>the mare taps her chin
>"Well, I believe there's a Zinfandel in the forest collection, but I'm unsure about the Pinot."
>input action
>>25962513
Well, hope to see you tonight then.
>>25962486
None of those are obscure, just basic types of wine.
Plus she's had a beer and a half in just a few hours, she probably does know something about alcohol.
Plus, I think it would be funny if while sober we're a neurotic wreck, but when we drink we become a party girl.
>>25962526
>drinking beer
>drinking wine
Anon pls.
>>25962540
I started as a wine drinker, but college made me drink both.
>>25962513
"Great, see you there!"
Hey wait a minute, we used to manage a grocery store, didn't we? Did we sell liquor there? Do we know anything applicable?
>>25962524
>>25962562
"Well, I hope to see you tonight then!"
>you say, exiting the building
>the mare smiles at your friendliness, and politely waves goodbye with your exit
>standing in front of the building, your mind goes back to when you'd been previously running your grocery store
>you'd sold very little alcohol there, but knew enough about drink to not make yourself look like a complete fool in casual conversation
>next, you look to the sky
>the sun appears a little lower than when you'd first left your apartment, time is ticking on
>input action
>>25962513
What are the collections and why are they named like they are?
>>25962680
Back to our apartment to relax for a while.
>>25962680
How much time do we have, specifically?
How far away is this place from home?
>>25962680
Go home and get washed and dressed.
>>25962732
>>25962709
>>25962702
>You're pretty bad at telling the time from the sun, but if you were to hazard a guess it's most likely around 4:00.
>If you were to measure out the time it took to reach the winery, minus your initial bumbling around, you'd say it was about a 10 minute walk.
>So, snapping out of your little thought, you head off home, making careful notes in your head about the path.
>In the expected time limit, you reach your apartment and trot back inside, relaxing as you cross the threshold.
>First, you head to the bathroom to wash up, the shampoo bottles having been overturned once again.
>With a sigh you pick them back up and wash up, giving your blue coat a loving scrub, and giving your mane a good, thorough wash.
>After your bathtime adventures, you return to the living room, with a damp coat and a wet, unbraided mane.
>In the center of the living room is the couch, and off to the side, a small bookstand and lamp.
>In front of the couch is a radio, which you and Tally normally listen to at night.
>Behind you is the bathroom, the left, the apartment's exit.
>Across the room is the kitchen, and to your right the bedroom, where you assume Tally is at the moment.
>input action
>>25962963
We should rebraid our mane while talking to Tally.
If we could, we might want to wrap the vial of sedative in paper or something to protect it from falling.
>>25963002
>you head into the bedroom to talk with Tally, braiding your mane as you walk
>inside, Tally is nose deep her book, and the six pack has appeared to move from the living room to the bedroom, another two cans missing from the package
>noticing your arrival, Tally looks up from her book and nods weakly
>"Oh... Hey Sharpie."
>she says with a melancholy tone, before returning to her book
>input action
>>25963136
>braiding your mane as you walk
Impressive for an erf
