Stayed up late on exam night, because I decided that this was more important than my future.
Just wanted to see what kind of response this green gets, since I haven't written in a good long time. Pls gibe feedback:
>>25796782
>From between the bars of your slave carriage, you can see a rainbow-maned Pegasus mare approaching, flanked by two of your captors.
>The inside of your prison is cramped and silent, save for the coughs and sniffling of a few of the more sickly men who were taken.
>None of you know each other, since every spoken word earned you a lashing. So you’ve all sat and quietly stewed in your sweat and filth for nearly four days straight, shitting and pissing on yourselves like livestock.
>But now, with this new customer approaching, you hear the first words in a long time.
>”…Are fresh from the Northern woods, most of them have never seen a proper town like this one. But with the right training, these humans make excellent servants and manual workers.”
>The rainbow one looks over the carriage and scratches her chin.
>”I want the strongest one.”
>”Well, miss Rainbow, I do know that a few of our catches were skilled hunters and tribal warriors. Just take a look at these:”
>With a bark, he calls you and a few of the others by name.
>Or number.
>”One, Six, Eight! Stand!”
>You pull yourself up by the bars while your cramped legs protest against it, while the other three struggle to stand as well.
>”One was caught by a river catching his own fish, Six was armed with a primitive wooden spear, and Eight, well, he put up quite the fight with my guards before we could snag him. ”
>Rainbow squints her eyes at you, while you stare back, to tired for an emotion.
>”THAT one looks the best.”
>>25796786
>She’s pointing at you.
>Orders are given, and soon the carriage door is opened and you are being motioned out.
>”One is a healthy young man, I assure you that with the right training, he can be a great asset.”
>As you step down the ramp and feel the dirt and grass beneath your feet, Rainbow coughs and covers her mouth.
>One of the other ponies immediately pulls out a cloth and offers it to her, chuckling.
>”My apologies, dear. These creatures are used to living in quite a sorry state, and the dangers of our trade do not permit us to stop and clean them while in wild territory.”
>She takes the cloth and presses it to her nose.
>”He REEKS! Is he always gonna smell like that?”
>”With a good scrubbing, humans are not so bad.”
>She sighs.
>”Do I have to clean it myself?”
>”Most humans have some knowledge of hygiene. But of course, we offer a thorough cleaning service as well.”
>She rolls her eyes.
>”Of course you do. Whatever, I’ll take him as is. How much?”
>”That’ll be two bushels of hay, or six bags of oats.”
>”Oh, uh, could I pay you with this?”
>She puts forth a bag full of metal containers.
>”Canned food? Fair enough. Pleasure doing business with you, ma’am.”
>And just like that. You’ve been sold.
>You keep still while one of the guards fastens a rope around your neck and hands it to the rainbow one. Your new handler gives it a tug and you wince as the rough material digs into your skin.
>”Alright, so… That’s it? I got him?”
>”That’s right, miss Rainbow. But use caution; without the proper obedience training, humans can be quite dangerous. ”
>”Yeah, yeah. And you offer training services, too, right?”
>”Right. Let’s go.”
>>25796791
>The afternoon sun feels amazing on your naked body while Rainbow walks you through the town. You’ve been stripped down since they took you, and the sunlight hardly ever found its way through the bars of the carriage.
>”Okay, One. You really stink… Like really bad!”
>You hardly register her words while your eyes take in the bright little town.
>Everywhere you look, there are ponies. Little ponies, big ponies, medium ponies, ponies of all ages and sizes are out and about, chatting, trading, and working outside of their quaint little wooden homes. Some of them even have markings on their rumps.
>”So the first thing I’m doing is giving you a bath.”
>There are even other humans around, clothed, collared, walking and talking and talking and working just as much.
>Few even bother to give you a look, though it’s more of passing interest or disgust as you pass them.
>Your owner turns a corner and you’re obliged to follow, stopping at a small cottage like the others in the town.
>”But yeah, I’m NOT washing you in my tub. Nooo way, mister.”
>She unlocks the door and walks you inside. The rough wooden floor reminds you of when you first stepped into the slave carriage, though the inside is much more inviting.
>There’s a room containing a small table with several crates and dishes, an empty room with a brick fireplace, a room with a heavy metal tub, and a smaller room with a mass of pillows and blankets in one corner.
>But as soon as you’re in, you are walked out the back door, where this is little more than a clothesline and a fence.
>”Stay.”
>She zips back inside her house for a moment and appears again with a bucket of cold water and a bar of soap.
>”Alright, One. This here is wa-ter.”
>She puts down the bucket and holds out the mud-coloured bar of soap like an idol.
>”And this? This is called soooap. You rub it on yourself, and it makes you clean!”
“I know….”
>”-HUH?”
>>25796782
It stinks
>>25796795
>You didn’t feel your lips moving. But you must have spoken.
>Will she whip you? She could probably hit pretty hard.
>Or maybe she just won’t clean you.
>Might as well keep going.
“I… I had soap… Back home.”
>She drops the soap.
>”Wait… You talk? He said you came from the forest! They don’t have soap in the forest!”
>She hasn’t hit you yet.
>Your brow creases.
“Well you don’t know that.”
>Anger flashes on Rainbow’s face.
>”YES I DO! They don’t have soap in the forest!”
“I’m not from the forest.”
>”Yes you are!”
“I’m not.”
>Silence passes between you both.
>”…Where are you from?”
>You look back; over the little houses, and the tops of the many trees of the woods, you can still see the peaks of the Split Mountains in the far distance.
“There. Up in those mountains.”
>”But they said you were fishing when they got you.”
“I came down to fish with a few of the others. We were hungry.”
>”Huh… I didn’t think anything lived up in those weird mountains….”
>The awkward silence comes again, before she nudges the soap in your direction.
>”Yeah, sooo… You know what soap is… So, uh, knock yourself out. I’ll be back later.”
>With that, she takes to the sky, but returns just as quick.
>”OH! And don’t even try to leave! Okay?”
“Why not?”
>>25796801
>A stupid question to ask. In response, she clicks her tongue and takes hold of your rope.
>”Fine, wanna be like that? Here.”
>She ties it to a pole on her clothesline.
>”There you go, smarty-hooves. Try and leave, now.”
“I don’t-”
>”YEAH, YEAH! Be clean when I’m back!”
>She flies off into the air.
>… You don’t have hooves.
>The rope is just short enough so that you cannot reach the bucket.
>Sighing, you get down on your knee and try to catch a toe on the handle of the bucket.
>You extend as far as possible, just touching the side of it aaand….
>You then stand up and untie the rope from the clothesline.
>Fucking idiot.
>While you’re at it, you take the whole thing off and toss it aside.
>Finally you can take up both the water and soap.
>….
>Beyond the fence, there are very few other buildings….
>Just a few more homes, some big gardens, and a tall tower.
>The pony inside of it is pacing about, looking around… But you could probably clear the town before he could tell anyone.
>Though your muscles are still quite cramped.
>A pony passes by the fence and stops to look at you, breaking your train of thought.
>She glares at you and covers her nose.
>Right, you need a wash.
>You dunk the soap into the bucket and scrub it along your arm, shivering from the crisp cold.
>>25796805
>An hour later, you’re clean as can be, and the water in the bucket is a thick, cloudy brown.
>You don’t smell nice, but you don’t smell like shit or piss as least.
>And Rainbow is still not back.
>You sit in the doorway with the sun drying you, unsure whether to go back inside or stay out.
>Or leave altogether… That tower is still all that stands between you and the forest.
>Perhaps you should wait until the sun has gone lower, though.
>Instead, you rise and peer back into the house. There’s very little in the way of possessions, but you do spot a bolt of cloth that looks big enough to cover your privates.
>You step into the house and immediately wrap it around yourself, feeling more comfortable now with a bit of privacy.
>Now that you’re in, you must look around.
>The crates in the room with the table are filled with little metal containers.
>’canned food’ is what the slavers called it.
>Their outsides are painted with depictions of strange plants and grotesque mounds of gore and intestines that must have come from animals you’ve never seen before-
>…There’s a picture of a man on it.
>No….
>They don’t… She doesn’t….
>Is this MAN?
>Your pulse quickens for a moment while you turn the canned food in your hands.
>Underneath the portrait of a jolly fat man in white, it says something in the written tongue.
“…Spa… Spag-”
>”WHAT do you think you’re doing?”
>The shout makes you jump and your hands juggle the canned food.
>You turn to find Rainbow, eyeing you suspiciously.
>”Did I say you could come in and eat my food?”
>You give her an equally suspicious look.
“You things… You ponies… Y-you eat THIS?”
>>25796810
>You hold out the canned food, which she looks over with confusion.
>”Uuuuh, yeah? It’s good, and a trader came through with a whole load of it a few weeks back.”
“It’s MAN! I-IT’S MANMEAT!”
>She just stares at you.
>”…Wait… Let me guess. You saw that and…*snrk*!”
>Now she’s biting her lip, with a massive grin on her face, before ursting into laughter.
>”BAAAHAHAHAHAHAAA! YOU THOUGHT IT WAS GUTS, RIGHT! That’s EXACTLY what it looks like on the outside! EXACTLY!”
>She flies up and snags the canned food from you.
>”Ohmygosh, I was like, ‘Yuck! Why do you have guts in a can?’, and she was all like: ‘Nu-uh! These are called noodles and they’re delicious!’ Hahahaha! That is sooo funny! You thought these were like-like HUMAN guts, right?”
>You feel your face heating up.
“Well it- it has a painting of a man on the front!”
>”Oh COME ON, One! Don’t you know that ponies don’t eat meat? Especially not gross old human organs! Did they not teach you that in mountain school?”
“SHUT UP!”
>Her smile dies quickly, and she looks more hurt than angry.
>”Whoa, I didn’t mea-….”
>But it doesn’t last long.
>”…Well… No, YOU should shut up! You’re a slave! I own you! I even- HEY! What did you do to your rope!?”
>She flies outside and points at the rope left on the ground.
>”Get over here and put this on!”
>You find yourself less and less obligated to take orders from this little thing.
>She hasn’t whipped you, she hasn’t even hit you.
“MAKE ME!”
>You stand with your arms crossed, glaring at her as she hovers in with the rope.
>”Put. The. Rope on… NOW!”
>She tosses it at your head, and you sidestep it.
>”Alright, you little-”
>>25796812
>She puts one hoof on your head and tries to force the loop of the rope back on you, so you grab hold of her by the shoulders.
>Rainbow yelps and kicks you in the nose; you stagger back and put a hand over it while she shoots back out the door.
>”That’s IT! I’m gonna give you back to those slavers!”
>Uh-oh.
>That won’t be good….
“Wait! Just wait a moment!”
>”…What?”
“They’ll… You don’t have to give me back….”
>A devious look crosses her face.
>”Oooh, you don’t wanna go back, do ya?”
>You look down.
“… No, I don’t want to go back.”
>She keeps her distance, but at least she’s not flying away.
>”Alright, I might not return you juuust yet… But I expect you to behave!”
“…Yes.”
>”You got that?”
“Yes, I do.”
>”Good. Now….”
>She hesitates for a moment, scanning over the room.
>”Make me something to eat! I’m hungry!”
>You take another can from the crate and place it on the table.
“You eat these?”
>She slaps a hoof to her head.
>”No! You need to make something! Don’t you know how to make a meal?”
“… I can gut a fish, I can butcher a rabbit….”
>”Ponies don’t eat meat.”
“… Well I can mash some… Berries, and… Uh….”
>”UGH, nevermind... Just sit.”
>You sit cross-legged at the table while Rainbow grabs a plate and puts it between the two of you.
>”We’ve gotta conserve this stuff, so we only have one a day. Okay?”
“Okay.”
>”But, I’ve got some hay from the farms, and a few purple flowers that I got from the market earlier today.”
>She places the can in front of you.
>”First, I need you to open that.”
>You take it up and roll it in your hands, looking for an opening.
>She groans and grabs your hands between her hooves, pointing the can upwards.
>”Look, there’s a pully-thing on the top.”
>>25796816
>You take the small tab in your fingers and pull, harder and harder until it finally pops and punctures a hole into the metal surface.
>”Okay, now pull it off.”
>You tug further on the tab until the top is rolled off like a hanging nail.
>The insides look much more disgusting than the depiction on the outside.
>You look up at her with your lip curled and she can sense your displeasure.
>”I know, I know. But trust me, it’s good. Here:”
>She guides your hands to the plate and upturns the can, emptying the contents onto it with a wretched slurping noise.
>”Awesome! Okay… Now we add the hay.”
>You watch as she dumps the few long straws of hay on top of the ‘food’, then she flutters back behind the crates to fetch something.
>”I have to find my mixing spoon! You just get those flower petals off and we can get to eating.”
>You take up the flowers and pick the long petals off, placing them delicately on the table. When you’re done, Rainbow is back with her spoon.
>”Now, check this out, One.”
>She pushes the spoon with her teeth into the food and turns it over and over, mixing in the hay with the red sludge and alien, worm-like noodles until they are evenly mixed in.
>”Now, drop the petals on it.”
>You cup the petals in your hand and drop them carefully on the plate, trying to keep them spaced out from each other.
>”Yeah, that’s it… I think the petals look good on the top like that.”
>After all that, dinner is ready. A pile of mush with hay and flower petals, served with flower stems.
>”Looks ready to me.”
>You reach for the plate, but Rainbow jumps up and lands defensively over it.
>”No! Bad human!”
>>25796822
>You stare at her, retracting your hands.
>”I’m the leader! So I eat first!”
>Her head contorts downward, just reaching the plate, and she takes her first bite.
>”Mmmm!”
>She shoots back up and rubs her belly; her nose is clearly marked red from the sludge.
>”I make a mean bowl of red noodles, One! Here!”
>She reaches down again and comes up with a noodle dangling from her grinning teeth.
>”Tchry Shome!”
>You gingerly take the end of the noodle from her mouth and bring it to yours; giving it a good sniff, the sludge smells slightly of meat, and heavily of… You have no fucking clue.
>Nontheless, you eat it. And it’s not inedible.
>Cold, slimy, gross, but not inedible.
>Rainbow elects to stay on the table, seating herself right next to the plate so she need only turn to get a mouthful of her messy creation.
>”Yeeah, that’s pretty good, huh? Try dipping the flower stem into it!”
>You choose the shortest of the stems and press it into the red before eating it.
>Stringy, with a bad aftertaste, but the red makes it okay.
“That’s not bad… I do miss having fish, though.”
>Rainbow scoffs.
>”Yeah? Well good luck getting fish around here; Nopony sells fish.”
“Well I could catch some.”
>”No! No one can eat meat here! This is a pony town!”
“Do ALL the humans eat this?”
>”Just the lucky ones! Canned stuff is really rare these days.”
>You grumble and take another noodle in hand, and the two of you eat in relative silence.
And that's fin for now... I'm fucking tired and I have an exam to fail in the morning... But any feedback on how the story looks with this small snapshot would be great.
>>25796832
seems like an interesting start
>>25796832
I'm interested in seeing just where this goes. So, yeah, do continue when you have the time.
>>25796832
Seems interesting. I love how rainbow is trying to overly assert her dominance at the hoo-man. Though, a personal complaint of mine is that the humans are sort of dipshits. But whatever.
>>25796832
thx for the green.
I'm intrigued as to the AU.
>>25796832
You gonna do more?
>>25796974
humans are sort of dipshits
>>25796800
thanks joel
>>25798718
Eventually, yeah. But I'm still reeling from staying up all night and I'm tired and hungry and pissed off... So, I'll get around to it. I also might change some of the first pages around a bit, though the overall reaction seems positive.
>>25801830
get some sleep
>>25801830
Sounds like a wild night.
>>25804718
It wasn't. It was me, Bar Rescue, a slurpee and a fuckton of lasagna.
...Okay, it was pretty good.
I hate you already OP and I haven't even read anything you wrote.
>>25806352
>and I haven't even read anything you wrote.
Shhhh. You're not supposed to tell them that part.
