Let's play a game, /mlp/! It's not lazy if I'm having a crisis!
If you don't know what's happening, catch up here: http://anonpone.pineapplecomputing.com/threshold/23516424
>>25671437
Last time, Dandy arrived at the Threshold for his third day of work, where he discovered a meeting was being held. Dr. Lumis was briefing several of the more prominent soldiers and researchers on the incident with A1-13 the previous night, which was going to lead to a slight change in job assignments for the next few weeks. Dandy hasn't been assigned any field work yet, but he could receive such an assignment at any time.
Luckily, Dandy's blind guessing after the meeting led him to Starry Eyes, head of security and resident mad scientist, who supplied Dandy with a quick and easy incineration of evidence as well as an upgraded Snapdragon. That'll surely come in handy! But not right now: Now, Dandy has to go deal with A3-96... Well, third time's a charm, right? I mean, yeah, this is technically going to be his FOURTH attempt, but who's counting?
HP: 100%
Bits: 204
CC: 1874
Inventory: 1 house key, 1 comb, 1 white fedora, 1 two-way radio, 1 Speed Snapper, 1 lab coat, 1 moon cake, 1 bag of maple yogurt drops, 1 drinking bird, 1 coffee mug, 1 color-changing putty, 1 poster, 1 Cathedral of Terra pamphlet, 1 bottle of peppermint mouthwash, 1 ID card
This is where your quest continues...
>>25671529
Testing testing.
Is this thing on?
>>25671529
Proceed quickly to A3-96 before the tongue numbness wears off
>>25671529
Able to talk yet?
>>25671529
Right, go to the bees.
Answer only with nods.
>>25671544
>>25671562
>>25671573
Dandy pokes his tongue with his hoof.
>'Still numb.'
>"Tethting... tethting... One, two, thwee."
>'I think I can pass this off.'
Dandy trots out of the bathroom and approaches his computer.
>"ATHII?"
There's a brief pause before ASCII's face appears. "Did you need me, Dr. Pomp?"
Dandy takes a few seconds to articulate both his thoughts and his mouth before slowly answering:
>"I have an appoin'ment wiff A-Thwee-Ni'ty-Thix. Can you tell me whew that ith?"
ASCII tilts her head. "Certainly, Dr. Pomp. A3-96 is contained in the Unsafe Work District on Level 2. However, I feel compelled to ask: Are you alright? Your vocal wave file is showing a 12.74% deviation compared to when we last spoke.
>"Yeah, I buwned my tongue."
"Ah. That would explain the discrepancy. Very well, Dr. Pomp. If you wish to see A3-96, please go to the tele-pad room and I will recalibrate it to take you directly to A3-96's chamber."
>"You can do that?"
ASCII smiles proudly. "Correctamundo! All you needed to do was ASC!" A tinny giggle emits from the speaker. "Besides, the Unsafe Work District can be unsafe to travel through by hoof. It is 11.52% safer to simply be teleported straight to your destination."
>"I gueth tho... Thankth, ATHII."
"Anytime, Dr. Pomp."
His course set, Dandy goes to the tele-pad room and steps on the tele-pad marked with a big number "2." The whir and glow of magic surrounds him, and his stomach starts spinning as he is >BAMF!'d out of and then back into local spacetime, to the apparent surprise of two guards.
"Who are you?" one of them asks. "We weren't told to be expecting anypony this morning..."
>>25671952
Dr. Pomp. I've been assigned to see the anomaly.
>>25671952
Show them your ID. Explain the 'invite' you got but try to keep it brief.
>>25671952
I was supposed to come yesterday, but I postponed it since there was a lot of others anomalies to see
>>25671952
I'm Dr. Pomp.
The anomaly asked to see me.
>>25672003
>supposed to come yesterday
Actually it was "at your earliest convenience"
>>25671952
>>25671994
>>25671999
>>25672003
>>25672005
>"Dandy Ppmp, chuniow wethearther. The beeth wanted to meet me."
Dandy hands his flashy new ID card to the guard. She shrugs and stands aside. "Okay," she says uncertainly, "but PLEASE be careful. A3-96 is as fickle as it is dangerous."
>'How reassuring.'
>"Thankth."
The door opens, leading into a small enclosure between the observation area and the main chamber. As soon as Dandy enters, the door behind him slams shut, before the next door opens. Dandy's senses are immediately assaulted by summer heat, the scent of flowers, and a relentless buzzing sound. Again, as soon as Dandy enters the chamber, the door behind him slams shut. A small group of bees immediately fills the air between Dandy and the hive, repositioning themselves with an almost mechanical speed and precision until the swarm resembles... a pony's head?
"A vIsZZZZZZZItOr? We WeRe NoT eXZZZpEcTiNg AnYpOnY... ArE yOu DoCtOr PoMp, By AnY cHaNcZZZZE?"
>>25672078
yeth
>>25672078
Yes, sorry for not being able to make it yesterday.
First day was pretty busy, you know.
>>25672078
>inb4 dah beez sense the numbness with their pshychic powers and use a healing spell on Dandy
>>25672078
dath me!
>>25672078
cowect
>>25672093
>>25672094
>>25672115
>'Okay, Dandy, be cool. The bees are smarter than you, so just act stupid and keep quiet.'
Dandy smiles and nods. "Uh-huh. I'm Dr. Pomp. How'a you?"
"We ArE wElL, dOcToR pOmP." the face-swarm answers. "AnD yOu? HoW wAs YoUr FiRsT dAy?"
Dandy pauses, trying to think quickly.
>"Ohhh, you know... Vewy, ah... fwantic?"
The bees make a humming sound that Dandy assumes is laughter. "YeS, tHiS fAcIlItY cAn CeRtAiNlY kEeP yOu BuSy... SoMe DaYs CaN bE iNcReDiBlY dEmAnDiNg. BuT tHaT's NeItHeR hErE nOr ThEre."
>"Uh... Okay."
"YoU aRe NoT tHe TaLkAtIvE tYpE, aRe YoU?"
Dandy begins to sweat.
>"Uh... Kind of. I... don't want to get in twoubwe."
"AhHhH, nOw We UnDeRsTaNd. YoU aRe AfRaId Of RePeRcUsSiOnS fRoM yOuR sUpErIoRs, ArEn'T yOu?"
Dandy pretends to be embarrassed. He glances down and nods.
>"Uh-huh..."
"VeRy WeLl, ThEn. We WiLl KeEp ThIs BrIeF." As the head-swarm talks, a much smaller second swarm of bees steps out from behind the log that the beehive is attached to. These bees appear to be carrying something, like picnic ants would. "We HeArD yOu WeRe NeW fRoM oNe Of YoUr CoWoRkErS, sO wE mAdE yOu a WeLcOmInG gIfT : oNe oUnCe Of OuR fInEsT cItRuS hOnEy, FoR yOuR eNjOyMeNt! We HoPe YoU fInD iT aS pLeAsInG aS wE do."
Dandy eyes the jar warily.
>'Is this is the death honey, guys?'
>>25672431
It isn't DEATH honey, it's just that the bees will kill you if you don't pretend to like it.
>>25672431
Yes
>>25672431
I'm 99% sure that the honey itself is safe. It just tastes really bad.
>>25672431
It's the honey that'll cause a million stings in the dick if you hurt the bees' feelings regarding its taste.
>>25672431
It depends on how your react to it.
>>25672431
This is where the acting comes in.
You have to imagine and pretend that this is the best thing to ever grace your lips.
Last time you shat the bed.
>>25672554
Dont do this. Laying it on too thick Will tip them off.
Better to keep it earnest and positive.
>>25672465
>>25672468
>>25672493
>>25672503
Dandy gulps.
>"A gift? Fo' me? Wow, thank you...!"
The head swarm smiles as Dandy takes the jar and inspects it. "ThInK nOtHiNg Of It, DoCtOr PoMp. We Are HaPpY tHaT yOu aRe HaPpy."
Dandy unscrews the lid of the jar and sniffs it.
>'It doesn't have a smell? That's weird...'
Dandy's stomach rumbles loudly.
>'Then again, I missed breakfast... Mouthwash, don't fail me now.'
Dandy scoops a tiny bit of honey onto his hoof and slowly lifts it to his mouth...
>>25672758
>>25672758I just want to say that I really like this picture inept. Not sure why but it just looks really good.
>>25672758
>'...Maybe it's the mouthwash or the hunger talking, but this stuff isn't that bad. It's... bitter, I guess? And it has a weird texture. Kind of loose and gritty. It's not the WORST thing I've ever eaten, but I definitely wouldn't call it honey.'
"HoW dO yOu LiKe It, DoCtOr PoMp?" A3-96 asks.
>'Earnest and positive, earnest and positive...!'
>"Mmm... Pwetty yummy...! Too bad I don't have anything to put it on, but I can dig it."
The bees come a bit closer to Dandy, their 'face' smiling at Dandy now. "YoU lIkEd It...?"
Dandy nods.
>"Uh-huh. Yeah."
A3-96 is silent for a few seconds, sans buzzing. Dandy begins to get nervous.
"VeRy FeW pOnIeS sAy ThAt." A3-96 finally responds. "We ArE nOt SuRe WhY... ThAnK yOu, DoCtOr PoMp. YoUr KiNd WoRds MeaN mOrE tO uS tHaN yOu KnOw. We WiLl ReMeMbEr ThIs."
>>25673118
Neat.
Now get the fuck out.
>>25673118
Thank them for the honey and lets scoot on out of here.
>>25673118
Haul ass Dandy.
>>25673135
>>25673138
>>25673141
>'First sensible thing you've said to me all day!'
>"Aw, thank you, but I bettew get back to work."
"LeAvInG ZZZZZsO ZZZZzsOoN? ...AZZZZZZZZZs YoU wIZZZZZZZsH. We ZZZZZZZShOuLd Do ThE sAmE. We HaVe MaNy MoUtHZZZZZZZs To FeEd..."
Dandy backs towards the door and scans his card a bit more frantically than usual.
>"Okay, you aww take care. Bye now!"
"YoU hAvE a GoOd DaY, dOcToR pOmP..."
The door slams shut, and Dandy breathes a massive sigh of relief.
>'Thank Luna... I made it.'
"Did everything go alright, Doctor?" the mare guard asks as Dandy leaves the dividing chamber behind.
>"I'm alive. You tell me."
>"CITRUS HONEY" added to inventory
>>25673271
Does Threshold have a laboratory where we can scan that honey to see what's in it?
>>25673300
>implying they don't already know
Just ask ASCII
>>25673300
I figure that's something they would have done long ago.
>>25673307
ASCing sounds good though.
>>25673271
Maybe we can give them advice on better honey production later.
>>25673271
Do we need to hand the honey in somewhere?
If not, lets go see ASCII about what we should be doing for the day.
>>25673271
>>25673323
Also, just thought of this, we should write a protocol for dealing with the bee's honey.
Something like "Any employee should numb their taste (and possibly smell) before contacting A3-96"
>>25673271
Well, now I guess we could go back to our office and see if we received any assignments in the ten or so minutes we were gone.
>>25673271
Listen Dandy, I know you're sore about the "dying before" thing, but look at it this way: In the crazy and very deadly line of work where ponies apparently die regularly you get multiple chances to keep living. We mean well even if we can be misguided and we didn't tell you because we didn't want to burden you with the knowledge.
>>25673300
>>25673307
>>25673322
Dandy walks over to the monitor in the room. and sticks his ID card into the slot.
>"ATHII, you there?"
The screen flashes on and a smaller-than-normal incarnation of ASCII appears. "Here, there, and everywhere else, Doctor Pomp! How can I help you?"
>"What'th in thith honey Nidey-Thikth gave me?"
"You would need to bring it to Dr. Knockout's laboratory if you want an exact readout of its composition," ASCII responds, "but based off of past analyses, I can tell you that there is a 99.68% chance that A3-96's honey will possess the following chemical composition: 24.37% fructose, 19.88% water, 17.52% glucose, 11.46% alkane hydrocarbons, 6.27% amino acids, 5.39% ash, 4.26% maltose, 1.28% sucrose, 1.12% sulfides, and 0.65% oligosaccharides."
>"...Ith all that thtuff normawwy in honey?"
"No, Doctor Pomp. Anywhere between 28.38% and 45.17% of the composition of A3-96's honey is abnormal, if not unseen anywhere else in apiculture. Luckily, there has only ever been one documented case of illness or poisoning after consuming A3-96's honey, so it is extraordinarily unlikely that you have anything to worry about."
>>25673808
Ask if we got any assignments while we were in there and if not ask what we should be doing.
>>25673808
Something something jobs.
>>25673808
>alkane hydrocarbons
>sulfides
Jesus, sulfides are corrosive to skin, and alkane burns on contact with oxygen. Maybe that's the cause of the ash?
>>25673919
>>25673924
>>25673932
>"Any new methadtheth?"
"You have no new messages, Doctor Pomp. If you'd like to be instantly notified via radio of all new messages, or all new messages of a specific type, you need only to ASC."
Dandy's stomach growls again.
>"I'm hungwy. Ith it lunchtime yet?"
"You can take your lunch break at any time, Doctor Pomp. Just be sure it doesn't exceed 75 minutes."
>"What time ith it now?"
"It is 10:24:38, Doctor Pomp."
>>25674090
The tummy rumblies shall be destroyed.
>>25674090
Guess it's lunch time.
>>25674090
Be careful, you probably still have a bit of the honey taste in your mouth, so be sure to rinse it out before you actually eat anything.
>>25674090
Attack gut demons with righteous grub.
>>25674099
>>25674102
>>25674129
>>25674153
>'Yay!'
>"ATHII, can you telepowt me back to Wevew Thwee fwom hewe?"
"I'm afraid not, Doctor Pomp. You still need a tele-pad to move between floors; I can only control where it sends you."
>"But I don't know whewe the tewe-pad woom ith..."
"Just follow my instructions and I'll get you there in a jiffy!" ASCII replies eagerly. "I'll navigate you via radio, and trust me, I'm a VERY good navigator."
As if on cue, Dandy's radio beeps. He pulls it out and speaks into it:
>"ATHII?"
"The one and only!" ASCII's tinny, staticky voice replies. "Now, once you leave this room, go left and follow the hallway until you reach the end. I'll update you once you're there."
>"Awight."
>>25674439I'll offscreen all this backtracking shit and just start the next session tomorrow with Dandu getting to the cafeteria. Please leave feedback, criticism, insults, etc., and thanks for playing!
>>25674439
>>25674473
How is that railroading? Dandy skipped breakfast, so he's hungry.
>>25674464
Night Inept.Also a Foozle paper pone was made in the last CYOA discussion thread before it died, did you see that?
>>25674464
When will we meet the esteemed Dr. Sandwich? Hopefully not at lunch. That could end badly for him.
>>25674718
He's on the Board of Directors, so Dandy will probably never meet him. In fact, we're probably all on a list now for seeing that picture.
>>25674473
>buzzwords
Don't you fucking die.
I said DON'T fucking die.
What's a healthy meal for an active poner?
>>25674464
Fifteen minutes later, and Dandy is back on Level 3. Better still, he's in the cafeteria. Word on the street is that this is where food is kept and served. But wait - there's more! It's been nearly a half hour, so Dandy finally has enough feeling in his tongue to be able to taste things and not sound like a Down's syndrome pony again!
>"Thanks, ASCII. I owe you one."
"It's what I do, Dr. Pomp." ASCII's low-quality radio voice replies. "Over and out!"
Dandy passes several dozen tables and booths on his way up to the counter. There's a few vending machines like in the bunker, but there's also a lunchpony, and he looks a lot more competent than the vendors Dandy normally frequents.
>'Decisions, decisions...'
>>25682346
Get that one
>>25682346
See what kind of food the lunch pone has.
>>25682346
Get something fresh.
>>25682346
Go talk to the guy
He looks like a friendly pony, introduce yourelf and ask what does he have on the menu right now
>>25682346
See what the lunchpony has to offer.
>>25682346
Talk at pone
>>25682422
>>25682425
>>25682429
>>25682463
Dandy approaches the counter. The massive lunchpony looks at Dandy with piercing eyes, but he smiles a little bit as he speaks: "Good morning. What can I get for you?"
>"I don't know yet. What's on the menu today?"
"Today's pizza day. You can make your own pizza, however you like it!"
>"Pizza sounds just dandy right now... What else do you have?"
"Well, ah, here's the thing: We don't really have a menu here. Since the guys that run this place can get pretty much whatever they want, they don't see a need to be choosey. You can kind of order anything you want, as long as you can pay for it."
Dandy blinks.
>"So, if I wanted some ambrosia, or white truffles..."
The lunchpony chuckles. "If you have a few thousand credits, go for it."
>"Cooooool... Wait, no I don't have that much. I better stick with not-rich-pony food. Can I have a minute to think?"
"Certainly. Take your time."
>>25682843
PINEAPPLE AND JALAPENO
>>25682843
Meat pizza
Live a little Dandy.
It's not like 'herbivores' in nature won't take it if offered.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrH46p1I3UA
>>25682843
Cheese, mushroom and jalapeno.
No pineapple though. Only degenerate bats eat fruit on pizza.
>>25682843
Get the pizza bro. It's delicious. Can you eat an entire pie by yourself?
>>25682843
Just get pizza since it's there and put whatever you usually put on it, we aren't the ones eating it.
>>25682843
This
Actually no, just put some artichoke on this bad boy, you won't regret it
>>25682843
Didn't you already tell us your favorite pizza?
>>25682898
Oh, right dammit, he can't see videos.
Either way Dandy I've seen horses in our world eat birds before. You look like you could use the protein.
>>25682918Not liking sweetness is degenerate anon
>>25683044Pizza is for savory, degenerate.
>>25683044
Fruit on pizza a shit.
>>25682843
Make sure to put a lot of blue cheese on your pizza.
>>25682884
>pineapple
>PINEAPPLE
>ON PIZZA
>>25682898
>'Ew, no way, I'm not eating meat!'
Dandy's stomach rumbles once again, even louder than before this time.
>'...What's it taste like?'
>>25683304
Meat tastes absolutely delicious. There's really no other thing in the world that tastes like it.
Try it and I promise you'll love it.
>>25683304
It's savory.
It's fuckin great.
Beef or pork is the best on Pizza.
>>25683304
In our world the typical pizza is topped with a cured meat made from pork.
It's known as Pepperoni and is salty and somewhat spicy.
>>25683304
Try pepperoni. It's got a nice tang to it.
>>25683304
Italian sausage, bacon, beef, pepperoni, and ham. Perfect meats for a pizza.
>>25683304
Meat
>>25683323
>>25683342
>>25683356
>>25683385
>>25683513
>'Salty, savory, spicy, tangy...'
Dandy's stomach rumbles even more loudly.
>'Gah...! What am I doing?'
Dandy returns to the lunchpony.
>"One personal pizza with jalapeno, mushroom, and pepperoni, please!"
The chef raises an eyebrow. "Ah, sir, I should probably tell you that pepperoni is made from meat."
Dandy glances down and to the side.
>"Uh, yeah, I know..."
The chef shrugs. "Alright, it'll be right out." he says, turning and trotting into the door behind him. Dandy nervously waits by the counter, humming to himself and fiddling with the color-change putty he brought with him to keep busy. After a few minutes, the chef trots back out with a steaming pizza box and sets it down on the counter. "Here you go." he says, a touch uncertainly. "I hope you like it."
>'You and me both...'
Dandy pops open the box. Inside is his favorite kind of pizza, but with a bunch of greasy, brick-red disks dotted over it. Dandy sniffs the pizza inquisitively.
>'...Well, it smells alright.'
>"Thanks a bunch!"
>>25683822
Don't be a faggot.
Eat it.
>>25683822
Yum... I wish I had that pizza right now
Dig in Dandy boy!
>>25683822
Dig in. If you don't like it you can always just pick it off.
>>25683822
Worst case scenario you can just remove what you don't like.
>>25683304
>not liking pineapple pizza
Are you some sort of faggot?
>>25684179Pineapples are the gayest fruit.
>>25683833
>>25683849
>>25683902
Dandy takes his pizza box to a nearby table and plops down on a seat.
>'I don't know about this...'
Dandy's stomach growls at him again.
>'Alright, alright, fine. In for a bit, I guess...'
Dandy pops the box open and takes a slice. Weird red discs or not, it still looks and smells like manna from heaven... He lifts the pizza to his mouth and nibbles on it.Ten seconds later, and he's doing a lot more than just nibbling.
>>25684491
Congratulations, you're now an omnivore just like us.
>>25684491
Thank the Pig from whence the manna came.
It died so that you might be happy.
Truly a noble death!
>>25684491
Well done Dandy. You are now a superior animal.
>>25684504
>>25684515
>>25684542
As Dandy eats, he ponders the moral and biological implications of consuming parts of a fellow mammal. Considering how much stress he's been under lately and the daunting revelation that his life not only could end at any time, but indeed already HAS no less than thrice, he could easily have a nervous breakdown or worse at the slightest utterance.
>'...Meh. Tastes good.'
Luckily, that doesn't happen. What DOES happen is that Dandy hears hoofsteps behind him. Loud ones.
"Hey, short shit! I've been looking for you! Where in Tartarus have you been all morning?!"
>>25684989
Visiting the bees and eating lunch.
>>25684989
Oh hey, if it isn't the loudmouth.
Funny he should show up after we're done dealing with the mess he dropped us in.
>>25684989
You know, just dealing with some bees.
>>25684989
I mean under those circumstances I think Dandy should be as hedonistic as possible, really.
'Working, lughead. Unlike someponies here'
Stare daggers at that maroon.
>>25684989
Getting my ass not stung to death.
Oh geez, please don't say we're working with this pleb.
>>25685053
Oops, an accident!
>>25684989
Going to the meeting, visiting the bees, and having an early lunch. If he really needed us why not send a message?
>>25685089
>"I was at the meeting. Don't you remember? I saw you there."
"AFTER that, smartass!" Blazar snaps back. "The test results on the bug spray came back. Normal, like everything else that that stupid crab gives us."
>"And you couldn't have just messaged me about that because...?"
Blazar snorts. "What, am I YOUR babysitter now, too? You're a fucking doctor. Act like one. You could have done a follow-up instead of slacking off all morning."
>>25685031
Dandy frowns.
>"Slacking off? Unlike SOME ponies around here, I work."
Blazar glances at Dandy's pizza. "It looks like it."
>>25685004
>>25685013
>>25685028
>>25685051
Dandy scowls at Blazar. He'd forgotten about that.
>"I just got here! Before this, I was dealing with those killer bees downstairs. You know, the ones YOU told about me, you lughead?!"
Blazar quickly tries to cover up a grin. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
>>25685443
motherfucker got you killed!
Twice!
>>25685443
What do you want asshole?
>>25685443
Heard you got in trouble for that :^)
>>25685443
I'm with Dandy on this one, who needs a followup meeting to get the test results for a can of bug spray?
>>25685443
I don't care how. You're force feeding him that honey.
>>25685443
Offer him some pizza. Don't mention the meat until it's in his mouth.
>>25685511
Fucker doesn't know how hard core Dandy is.
>>25685460
Three times.
>>25685511
>'I'm not sharing anything with this fat sack of shit!'
>>25685486
>'...Unless...'
>>25685474
Dandy removed the small jar of honey from his pocket and unscrews the lid.
>"Yeah, I bet. I'm sure you have no idea about getting in trouble for it, either."
"Like I'd give a shit either way." Blazar growls. "I've been demoted, promoted, and re-demoted a million times. If you know how to play your cards around here, nothing ever sticks."
Dandy pours a drizzle of honey onto one slice of pizza.
>"What do you mean by that?"
"Like I'm going to tell you. Figure it out, like everypony else did. Fucking pampered pegasus boy, you're used to just getting everything handed to you, aren't you?"
>>25685465
>>25685478
>"Alright, fine, never mind. What do you want, anyway? Did you come looking for me just to give me a can of bug spray?"
"Not of my own choice." Blazar growls, pulling the can out of his coat and dropping it next to Dandy's seat. "I'm also supposed to tell you that seeing the crab again will count towards your daily job limit shit. As long as the damn thing keeps giving you stuff for the eggheads to experiment on, Fortissimo will give you a pass on that."
Dandy pauses, genuinely surprised by that.
>"Wait, really?"
"Did I stutter?"
Dandy rolls his eyes.
>"Well, thanks for telling me... You, uh, you want some pizza before you go?"
Blazar's sour expression doesn't change, but he doesn't respond with immediate anger.
"What are you playing at?" he suspiciously replies a few seconds later.
>>25685825
Offering pizza. Did *I* stutter?
>>25685825
I offered you a pizza.
>>25685825
Fine, don't have it then.
>>25685825
It's a big pizza and we are but a little pone.
We can't eat the whole thing by ourselves and it'd be wasteful to just throw it away.
...do you think the bees only act if you're in hearing range?
>>25685875
Dandy's not little, he's just vertically challenged.
>>25685884I hope not.
>>25685825
I think you're too much of a chicken shit to take it.
>>25685852
>>25685863
>>25685875
>"Did I stutter? I'm offering you some pizza because I can't eat it all myself. You want a slice or not."
Blazar looks less than pleased with Dandy's sass, but his magic activates and the slice of honeyed pizza leaves Dandy's hoof regardless. "Sure, I'll take a slice."
>>25686157
Warn him that we have exotic tastes, he's probably not stallion enough to eat meat.
>>25686157
"Oopsie. I dropped it."
>>25686215
use snap dragon on him. claim you saw an anomaly that only YOU could see.
>>25686215
Rude.
>>25686215
Wow, fat and clumsy.
>>25686215
rude
>>25686230
No.
>>25686215
We aren't cleaning that. Tell him to get a mop and that he apparently needs his horn checked.
>>25686215
>"What the fuck?!"
"Well, I better get back to work." Blazar says, smirking at Dandy before turning to leave. "Celestia knows ONE of us has to..."
>>25686255
We need a list of those to kill once we snap
It's just Blazar written 500 times
>>25686255
What a fucking prick.
>>25686255
I honestly believe he's more clever than he lets on. I mean, still an asshole either way but a clever one if he's not been killed by now.
>>25686255
We should tell the bees what that jerk did to their honey. The bees will get that bastard good.
>>25686367
I dunno, we would get in trouble like he did.
>>25686255
No point in being mad.
>>25686277
>>25686293
>>25686418
Dandy's eye twitches.
>'I am going to kick his fucking teeth into his throat one of these days...!'"Hey, Dandy! What's up?"
>>25686746
Say hello to best catbird
>>25686746
Hey!
Not much.
Decided to try these pepperoni thingys.
Pretty good. (play dumb) I wonder what plant these are from.
Gottcha, I know these are meat, I was just feeling adventurous.
And on that slightlyupbeatnote, I'm calling it a night here. Keep the thread bumped if you want and I'll be back tomorrow. Until then, thanks for playing!
>>25686783
Night Inept.
>>25686746
Oh good, friendly face.
>>25686783
sleeptight, sleepypomp
bunp
>>25686758
>>25686773
In spite of the sour mood his encounter with Blazar left him in, Dandy smiles when he hears his new friend's voice.
>"Hey, Günther...!"
"How you doing, colt?" the bassy griffin asks as he walks over and drops his lunchbag on the table opposite Dandy. "Mind if I sit here?"
>"Go ahead. That'd be dandy."
"Ah, I see what you did there." Günther responds with a toothy grin, before pointing at the side of his beak. "Hey, by the way, you got a little something..."
Dandy licks his lips.
>"On my face?"
"On your face."
>"Is it pizza?"
"It's pizza."
Dandy chuckles.
>"Yeah, I guess I was hungrier than I thought."
Günther's eyes fall onto the mangled pizza in front of Dandy as he opens his lunch bag. "I can see that... Wait, is that pepperoni?"
>"Yeah, it's good! Not sure what plant they make it from, though. Maybe pepper? You know, PEPPERoni? That'd be my guess."
Günther is quiet for a second. "Yyyyeah, maybe, I don't know. Anyway-"
>"Hahaha, gotcha! I know it's meat. I was curious. And REALLY hungry."
Günther cocks his head. "I've never met anypony that willingly tried meat..." He chuckles and pulls out some kind of big sandwich. "You're a weird dude, Dandy."
>"I'll take that as a compliment. Want a slice?"
"No thanks. I'm more of a fish guy myself." Indeed, as Günther unwraps his sandwich, Dandy can see what looks like a whole fish stuffed between the bread halves."You ever had mackerel?"
Dandy shakes his head.
"Wanna try it?"
Dandy eyes the whole fish staring back at him warily.
>"Uh... No thanks. I'm getting kinda full. It, er, does look good though."
"Yeah, it does." Günther smiles fondly as he tears into his lunch. "That's my wife's cooking for ya!"
>>25695385
Dandy are you good with females? Gunther obviously is if he's got a wife.
Maybe he can help you with that date you got coming up. At the very least maybe you can brag about scoring the date with Foozle.
I'm not just assuming you're a spaghetti dropping sperg, but you never know.
>>25695422
Ask him for dating advice.
And no, you shouldn't ask us. Our mating rituals are very complicated.
>>25695437
>>25695385
This is true. Do not trust us when it comes to dating advice.
We are not so good at that, as a group.
>>25695385
Ask how long he's been married.
>>25695385
>>25685825
>>25685443
>Doublespace
why?
>page 10
wat
>>25695452
>'Something you guys aren't good at? Wow, wonders never cease.'
>>25695422
>>25695437
>>25695502
>"You're married?"
Günther nods proudly. "Uh-huh!"
>"For how long?"
"Mmmm... About six and a half years."
>"Good for you!"
Dandy chews on his pizza thoughtfully.
>"I guess that means you're good with the ladies then, huh?"
Günther snickers. "Psh, no! I just got lucky enough to find a girl who'd settle for me."
>"Ah, come on. Help me out here!"
Günther raises an eyebrow mid-bite. "HELP you? You got your eye on a mare I don't know about?"
Dandy laughs nervously.
>"Well, I might have asked Dr. Foozle out on a date this morning..."
"Foozle?"
>"Squigglehead."
"Oh, her! Good for you, bro! She IS pretty cute... For a total klutz, I mean. When's the date?"
>"Friday at six."
Günther sets down his sandwich and brushes off his claws. "Okay, that gives us two days to work with. Here's what you gotta do; write this stuff down if you have to: First, you gotta make sure you look good. Nopony wants a scrawny, dirty tom, right?"
>"Right..."
"So, make sure you look perfect when you go to meet her. Shower, shave, fluff up your feathers, you gotta give her your best display, bro. You only get one shot to make a first impression, so make it count!"
>"But we've already met like three times..."
"Semantics!" Günther replies with a wave of his claw. "Now focus! Second step is to bring her a gift. Chicks LOVE gifts. You show up to meet her with a big, fresh fish or two armfuls of nesting materials, and you're already 90% of the way home."
>"Fish and nesting materials... Uh..."
"Focus, buddy! I told you to write this stuff down if you had to! Never mind. ASCII! Are you getting all this for him?"
"Word for word, Mr. Günther!" ASCII's tinny voice replies from the radio in Dandy's pocket.
>"Do we really need ASCII to be involved in this, too?"
"Don't be shy, Dandy." Günther urges jovially. "We've all been in this position before!"1/2
>>25696235
"Anyway," Günther continues, "once you've shown her what a stud you are and she sees you can provide for her, the last thing you gotta do is show her your best courtship dance. Fly her up into the sky, clasp her hooves with yours, give her your best sappy one-liner, and then put the moves on her. I landed my girl with cartwheels, so I'm recommending them, but whatever you feel comfortable with should be good by that point Just put your best wing forward and really lay on the charm, and she'll be putty in your hooves by the end of the night."
Dandy takes a moment to process all of this.
>"And, you're SURE this will work...?"
"Dandy, you saved my tail from a giant cookie monster yesterday! I owe you the best relationship advice a griffin can give! Why would I lie?"
>"I guess you're right... Sorry, I'm just a little nervous, is all."
"Nervous? With THAT head plume? Psh, come on. You probably have an entire herd of mares after you."
Dandy glances to the side.
>"Well, maybe before I moved back to Canterlot..."
Just then, Dandy's radio crackles to life.
"Dr. Pomp, do you read me?"
>'Oh, dandy, it's Fortissimo.'
"I've heard of duty calling," Günther remarks, "but never this literally... I hope I used 'literally' right there."
>>25696432
Answer your radio dandy pone.
>>25696432
that's great advice if you want to court a griffin instead of a pony which is what foozle is. pick up that radio.
>>25696432
Answer professionally.
>>25696432
Wow, I didn't know unicorns made nests.
>>25696432
Dandy, you can scrap the fish thing, but you gotta get in touch with your inner bird.
>>25696495
>>25696516
>>25696543
Dandy takes out his radio.
>"Yeah, this is Dr. Pomp. Uh, over."
The radio crackles as Fortissimo's voice responds: "Dr. Pomp, you've got a field assignment. You and your task force leave in ten minutes. Come to the hangar on Level 2 for briefing immediately."
>"But I'm on my lunch break...!"
"Not anymore." Fortissimo replies curtly. "Over and out."
Dandy frowns.
"New assignment, huh?" Günther asks.
Dandy pouts and nods.
>"Not dandy. This is a violation of my labor rights."
>>25696812Check point?
Eat some more slices on the way.
>>25696812
Wrap a pizza slice in napkin and then put it in your pocket, maybe the anomaly you'll encounter will like pizza too.
>>25696812
See if you can get a takeout box for your pizza if there's any left and stuff it in the void that is your inventory, then head to the hanger.
>>25696812
Equip pizza, say goodbye, head for hanger.
>>25696812
Don't forget to pick up that bug spray can.
>>25696871
>'I don't have any napkins.'
>>25696828
>>25696879
>>25696882
>>25696903
>LEFTOVER PIZZA added to inventory
>BUG SPRAY added to inventory
>"Guess I've gotta get going... Later, Günther."
The griffin clasps Dandy's hoof in his claw, nearly crushing it. "Be careful out there, Dandy."
>"I will."
>'I hope.'
Dandy makes his way to the tele-pad room, munching on pizza along the way. He gets a few odd looks from the guards and passing researchers, but nothing comes of it.
"ASCII, can you do that trick with the tele-pads again?"
"Of course, Dr. Pomp." ASCII answers in her normal, chipper tone. "I'll recalibrate the #2 tele-pad right now. Please wait a few seconds... Done! Please step onto the tele-pad, Dr. Pomp."
Dandy does as he's told, and the tele-pad begins to glow.
>'I really hope I don't puke after all that pizza...'
>BAMF!
When Dandy's senses reorient themselves, he finds himself in a large chamber. filled with guards and colossal machines like he's never seen before.
>'Whoa... What's all this stuff? Am I in a sci-fi movie?'
>>25697781
No Dandy, you're in a hangar.
>>25697781
It's a flying machine. It flies so you don't have to.
>>25697781
Introduce yourself to the guards and see if they know anything.
>>25697781
Say hello to the guards. Is this all there will be?
woosh
>>25697808
>'A flying machine? What, like an airship? Please, those things are so slow and janky. They'll never make one that can outpace a pegasus!'
>>25697823
>>25697852
Dandy looks around.
>'...What guards?'
He turns around.
>'Oh, those guards.'
>"Hey, guys. I mean, hello. I'm Doctor Pomp, junior researcher. Dr. Fortissimo wanted me to come here for... something."
"Other end of the hangar, sir." one guard replies, nodding his head towards the far end of the room. If Dandy squints, he can just about see her. No doubt glaring at him.
>"Oh. Thanks."
Dandy trots across the hangar, passing various machines he can't identify. One of them looks like a rocket with metal sheets stuck to the top and sides, and another looks like a gigantic cardboard box with treads on the sides and a long, thin tube with a little star on it sticking out of the front.
>'Too bad I'm in a hurry. I wouldn't mind taking a closer look at some of these whatever-they-ares. I mean it's not like they could tell me not to: I have the clearance for it and everything!'
After trotting what feels like a mile, Dandy finally finds who he must be here to see. And she's not alone - Staff Sergeant Echelon is also present, along with a small squad of guards.
"Good of you to join us, Doctor Pomp." Fortissimo says as Dandy approaches. "For your own sake, mostly... We've received civilian reports of what sounds like a non-Euclidean disturbance on Coquelicot Islet and we need more information. You and your squadron will land on the island, and you'll oversee the operation from base camp while they investigate and try to find out what's going on. If you could try not to get them all killed, that'd be fantastic."
Stopping here. Not sure why tonight was such a struggle, but hopefully things go more smoothly tomorrow. Thanks for playing!
>>25698651
Night night sleep tight.
>>25698651
Night.
>>25698634
This is bad for squishy.
How long will we be gone...
>>25698634
But you have a pet gerbil at home!
The drawback to saying this is " we will send somepony to your house to feed your gerbil."
>>25698704
Then they discover squishy and we die.
FUN!
can squishy be trusted to feed the gerbil?
>>25700212
Better question: Can the gerbil be trusted to feed Squishy?
>>25701181
Yes.
>>25700212
>>25701181
hmm...
>>25698651
rest up
>>25700212
>>25701181
>'He's a guinea pig!'
>>25698688
>>25698704
Dandy's muzzle scrunches up with worry.
>"How long will I be gone?"
"I have no way of knowing that, or much else about an undocumented anomaly." Fortissimo answers flatly. "All we know thus far is that this anomaly has been active for between 3 and 5 weeks and that at least two ponies have already gone missing because of it. That is why we need more information, and quickly, before the situation escalates further than it has."
Fortissimo pulls a watch from her pocket and glances down at it.
"You'll be disembarking via whirlybird in a few minutes. If you have any intelligent questions for me or Staff Sergeant Echelon, I'd suggest asking them now while you still have the chance."
>>25708084
nah
>>25708084
This is our first field op, can you suggest anything we might need?
If this is primarily a fact gathering mission do I have permission to abort if things start going sour?
>>25708084
Where will I be going?
>>25708084
Who will we find in that little time that we can trust to pet-sit for us?
>>25708271
We can't afford to get a petsitter.
They'll find Squishy.
>>25708271
We need Foozle or Gunther.
>>25708320
I'd trust either with squishy, but they probably have shit to do themselves.
>>25708402
Maybe we could ask both?
I also just realized Dando's probably gonna miss his date.
>>25708449
What day is today?
Friday might not be too soon, and this assignment might not take that long.
>>25708459
I think it's Monday, so there's time, but if this drags on then it's pasta for one Friday night.
>>25708122
>'Weren't you listening, Anon? I'm going to Coquelicot Islet. It's an island off the coast of Los Pegasus. I think there's a volcano there.'
>>25708111
>"What would you suggest that I bring? This is my first time doing field work."
"I'm aware of that fact, Dr. Pomp." Fortissimo responds flatly. "I'm the one who assigned it to you. You will need your radio, identification, and I would advise bringing your Snapdragon as well, for safety's sake."
>'Easy enough.'
>"What should I do if something goes wrong? Abort, or...?"
"That will be left to your discretion." Fortissimo answers. "Your squadron will report any and all anomalous activity directly to you, and you will then report it to Staff Sergeant Echelon and myself. If the risk is minimal, attempts to detain the source of anomalous activity are preferable. If not, proceed with caution and continue to gather as much intelligence as possible. Report any casualties immediately. We will give further instructions from here as they may be needed, but time is a luxury that is not always available, understood?"
>"Yes, ma'am."
"Outstanding." Fortissimo turns and trots to Echelon, muttering something in his ear. The stallion nods and speaks into his radio; a hatch opens on the colossal machine behind the squadron.
"Alright, fillies," Echelon barks, "everypony inside, move it!"
As the squadron boards, Echelon trots over to Dandy and salutes him; Dandy returns the gesture, and gets another wince-inducing vicegrip hoofshake for the courtesy.
"Good luck, Doctor." Echelon says. "Those misfits might not look it, but they're some of the finest horses I've seen in my time here. Even the newbie is shaping up to be a fine soldier."
>"The newbie?"
"Private 33 1/3. Tall white unicorn. Had some experience with the Guard, so I'm sending him out to see how well he holds up in a real shitshow."
>"Oh, him."
"If you want to get better acquainted, you can ride in the back. Or up front with the pilot. Your call."
>>25708924
I'll ride in back.
We don't need the troops to dislike us, not after what happened with Squishy.
If they know us they're more likely to work with us.
>>25708924
We can't get up in the middle of the flight?
>>25708924
In the back.
>>25709017
Not until the fasten seatbelts sign turns off.
>>25708924
Meh, we won't be seeing much of the pilot, might as well get to know our motley crew.
>>25708924
>1/3
As in... one third?
>>25709135
He was at orientation.
>>25709135
Yeah. I think we should just call him third.
>>25708953
>>25709024
>>25709099
>"I guess I'll ride in back."
Echelon smiles. "Alright, get going then. Try to make it back in one piece."
>'These ponies really need better motivational speakers.'
>"Haha, thanks."
Dandy climbs the ramp and enters what looks like a bus cabin, but with only about a dozen seats, and only a couple of windows. To Dandy's eyes, the whole machine looks a bit... unreliable."
>'What a piece of junk! This scrap pile flies?'
As the hatch behind Dandy closes up, Dandy hears various rumbling and whirring noises all around him. To his surprise (and nervousness), the colossal contraption does indeed begin to move!
"You may want to strap yourself in, sir." an Earth pony stallion tells Dandy. "Takeoff is usually a bit rough..."
>>25709457
Do so.
It's midnight. Stopping here. I'm sorry I've been such a shitter the past few days; I've really been missing a lot of sleep. I'll try to do better, I promise. See you guys later, and thanks for playing.
>>25709475
Sweet dreams bby.
>>25709475
Sleep tight sleepyslut
>>25709475
sleep tight, sleepypomp
bunp
