>"King Anon! Terrible news! The Griffon army has repulsed our invasion force, and dozens of ponies have really bad booboos! What should we do?"
Kiss the booboos, yo.
>>25646935
>click on thread
>prepare for edge
>see first post
Pleasantly surprised
>>25646882
Charge the enemy forces with the force of a thousand moons!
Kill the men, rape the women, eat the children!
>>25646935
>came in here to say this
Only real option to be honest.
Send in the Diamond Dogs
>>25646882
Prepare the squad for booboo kissing.
>>25646882
My god...
We must bonk them on the noggins for that.
Booboos eh? i think you want this hospital.
You idiot, it was supposed to be a surprise party!
Very well, I had hoped to party over there so we didn't have to party over here, but now I have no choice. Pull all of our forces and baked goods back to the palace, and we will spring the trap on them when they attempt a counter attack.
I only hope for your sake that the griffons remember to bring enough fruit punch and those little animal shaped cookies.
>>25646882
>>25647425
Pink 5 standing by.
>>25647549
who made this
>>25647567
https://derpibooru.org/957341?scope=scpec3521d62321c48a00852923b9203ad773479b6e3
start baking bricks into the pies.
"Bring me my wiffle bat."
And that's how the Dark Lord Anon conquered the Griffons.
>>25647214
I want to drink the blood of my enemies.
>>25646882
"Get back out there and shake your hooves at them! Shake your hooves at them with every ounce of disapproval you can muster, soldier! Then tell them how disappointed you are!"
>"Sir, yes sir!"
"For Equestria!"
>"For Equestria! Raaarrr!"
>>25646882
"Pull back the rest of the battalion, and tend to the sick and wounded"
>"Yes sir!"
"Squire, prepare my armor for combat and fetch my sword"
>"s-sir?"
"i will meet the enemy head on, they will know my power"
>>25646882
"Very well then. To help them recover I shall suck the dick of every wounded soldier"
>>25646935
Send in the mothers!
>>25647449
Underrated
>>25648321
These booboos do not deserve to be kissed; kisses are for winners. Instead, the wounded shall receive only band-aids, and not the kind with superheroes on them either, for those are also for winners.
No, give these weaklings the "flesh-colored" bandages, that their peers may know their shame.
>>25646882
>"King Anon! Terrible news! The Griffon army has repulsed our invasion force, and dozens of ponies have really bad booboos! What should we do?"
give them the kisses for the booboos.
>"sir, im afraid our best booboo kissers are out making cookies.."
damn.. then send in my reserves!
>"they are too scared to fight, some of those booboos even have a little bit of blood!"
"a little bit of bl-- thats it, those monsters want war then ill give them war."
>"sir.. you dont mean..? you couldnt!"
"yes, i do. send in the warfag greentext writers.."
>"my lord! youre a madman!"
"i dont have a choice! its either them or the FOE faggots!"
>"ill fetch the warfags right away.."
>the guard run off to summon the writers.
thank god... no one should ever endure a FOE green..
>>25648993
But sir, they're just barely out of colthood, snatched up by the Royal Guard at the cusp of stallionhood. Show them mercy! At least give them the ones with hearts on them!
>>25646882
If any of the booboos turn out to actually be ouchies...prepare the peace talks.
make sure we have lots of cupcakes and candy and stuff.
What kind of training do you go through to be a Royal Guard?
>>25649750
it takes a lot of courage to ask to join.. if you can do that. you're in
>>25649555
Okay, but they will have to stand in shame corner if they won't win the next battle.
Do you think the Royal Guard play hoofball?
>>25646882
Booboo's! That's it, no more mister nice guy, we're going totell their mothers about this!
>>25649750
>One 30 minute jog per day
>Five curls with a 10 lb weight
>Overnight camping without a tent
>Lukewarm baths with no bubble bath
>No kisses after getting ouchies
>Only one pudding cup per day
The few stallions who make it become Equestria's protectors, the best of the best.
>>25649796
Oh shit, it got really serious.
What if the Royal Guard played hoofball against the Wonderbolts?
>>25646882
Um..... Kamikaze attacks?
Build a wall
>>25649843
>"You want us to speak Japanese at them sir?"
>>25650062
"It is time for the bonsai charge."
"Stallions, you have been each issued a small tree. Do what you can for the empire's glory."
>>25646882
DECIMATION
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS ?!
1 OF EVERY 10 MEN KILLED. THAT'S THE DEFINITION OF IT.
NOW LINE EVERYONE UP.
HAVE EVERYONE DRAW STONES, YES EVEN YOU ! YOU SPINELESS IDIOT.
WHO EVER DRAWS THE MARKED STONES IS BEATEN TO DEATH BY THE OTHER 9 OF THEIR UNIT, DO YOU UNDER STAND ME ?!
I DO NOT RULE A KINGDOM OF PON-
wait shit....umm
MY WARRIORS WILL NOT RUN DUE TO "BOOBOO" THEY WILL LEARN TO FEAR ME MOAR THEN THEY FEAR OUR ENEMIES
AVE IMPERIUM
>>25647795
>Only wanting to
Its like you dont even edge
>>25649815
what kind of cruel training regime it is? u crazy
>>25649192
>no one should ever endure a FOE green...Das rood
"Give me about 15-20 minutes."
I might have an idea
>>25647643
>>25651429
It's even worse than that.
Sometimes, they're allowed to get rained on during their camping trips.
>>25646882
Bump
>>25649192
>>25646882
Send in their natural enemies.
>You mean...
Yes. Unleash the kittens!
>>25646882
First, kiss the booboos.
Then send in the secret weapon.
>>25653757
You don't mean "that" right?
>>25653784
It's the only way, brother.
>>25646882
>REPULSED
>>25649192
/War/ standing and waiting sir.
I wanna see Anon becoming a terrifying warrior-king, feared like a god on the battlefield. Not because he's necessarily martially skilled, but due to his ability to shrug off booboos and even ouchies like they're nothing, and the fact that he's much stronger than the tiny ponies and gryphons and such.
>>25646882
I thought the mohawk on the helmets was actually the pony's mane sticking through a gap in the helmet?
>>25647754
Ha, is that the weapon of legend. Why not a nerf rifle or hell id even take some water balloons
So much death, what can one do against such reckless hate?
>>25646882
Hmm, how can WE help?
>>25655377
Quick! Somone put up a "No Griffons Allowed" sign!
>>25646935
>>25648321
I came in here just for these two comments. That'll do, Anon... That'll do.
>>25646882
"Fetch me my leather belt and my yard stick."
>"My King!? Surely the Griffon Emperor and his soldiers deserve such a fate."
"They been naughty soldier, like you said, they were repulsed by our invasion force."
>"We tried to look pretty as possible for them my king! but they just throw sticks and stones at us! One even called the brave soul next to me a poopie head."
"A poopie head! What was the young stallions name?"
>The soldier nodded, as a single tear ran down his cheek.
>"Private Silver Blade. He collapse shortly after."
>You turn and looked out the window.
"I'll personally see to it that the Stallion family will be noted."
>You continue to stare out the window.
"Sticks and stones..."
>"My king?"
"Sticks and stone may break my bones but names will never hurt me..."
>You slam your fist into the wall, causing the soldier to flinch.
"WELL THEY DO!"
>"Are you okay?"
"No...so many suffered, this war has to end. Forget the belt and yard stick, and get me a paper, quill and ink."
>"My-"
"JUST DO IT!"
>The final act.
>The nuclear option.
>This has to stop.
>You are snapped out of your thoughts.
>"My king, paper and ink."
>>25646882
>King
I'm a prince you fucking moron.
>>25657189
"Thank you soldier."
>You place the paper on the wall for a firm surface and start to draw.
>First you draw a crude image of a griffon with some stink lines coming off it and flies for good measure.
>This was the final act after all. This war has to stop.
>You wish it didn't has to end like this.
>After you wrote "Griffins smell" and a speech bubble coming from the crudely drawn griffin saying "I definitely do"
"Soldier take this paper. Have it copied over a million times, then..."
>You pinch the bridge of your nose trying not to cry.
>Come on Anon, your a king for god sake.
>You take a big breath in and issue the order.
"Drop them all on the griffin capital..."
>"My king! No! Think of their hatchlings their elderly! They are innocent in all this!"
"That's an order soldier."
>You look at him dead in the eyes.
"I'm sorry, this war has to end. so many hurt feelings, so many boo-boos. It has to stop."
>"I...I'll issue the command sir."
>You watch the soldier slowly walk out, you see the trail of tears glisten on the floor as he walks away.
"I'm sorry..."
>You whisper your unheard apology to those civilians who will caught in the final act.
>>25657210
Dammit Anon, Dresden wasn't even as bad as this.
>>25657210
>You sit on your throne and wait for the news.
>"My king!"
>You look up to see a pony running towards you.
>"The papers has been dropped. We received no word to the Griffin Empire."
"Thank you. You are dism-"
>The sounds of air raid sirens deafens you ears.
"Oh sweet mercy! WHAT HAVE I DONE!"
>You race towards the window to see millions of pieces of paper fall from the sky.
>You watch your subjects below pick up the flyers.
"DON'T READ THEM!"
>You bang on the widow helplessly.
>It was too late.
>You watch the mare read the message.
>The mare's feelings were hurt.
>Tears ran down her face as she collapse into a sobbing mess.
>"MY KING WE NEED TO GET YOU TO SAFETY!"
"I can't! I can't let my subject suffer alone!"
>"MY KING I AM SORRY BE WE NEED TO GO! THE FUTURE GENERATIONS WILL NEED YOU!"
>You took in a deep breath.
"Your right. Lets go."
>You and the pony ran out of the castle to the happy friendly safety bunker.
>As you run through the streets you see your subjects fall down and cry.
>Some run in such a panic the fall over and scrape their knees.
>As you run you see a familiar face.
>It was the soldier from before.
"Soldier..."
>You try and act strong. Strong for him..
>"..My king...I-I.....I read fourteen of them!"
>Fourteen!
>My sweet mother!
"Shhh...It's ok...you did well soldier. Rest now."
>"But...but they said..."
"Shhh....rest..."
>You start to hum the first song came to your head.
>Twinkle Twinkle little star.
>The soldiers whimpers slowly dies down.
>>25657423
"Shhh...there there."
>Eventually he drifted off.
>"We have to go my king!"
"Right."
>You tore off the soldiers dog tags and ran for the shelter.
>You see a little filly run in the chaos until a piece of paper get caught in her mane.
>No...
>"Ya....yo...you..."
>She was learning to read.
>"You smell....more..."
>The little filly tried to process what the words meant.
>Eventually she figured it out and cried as she slammed her hoofies on the floor.
"Poor soul..."
>You mutter as you ran past.
>It was too late for her.
>>25657423
>Not Tiny Dancer
>>25657440
Damn that would of been better.
>>25657484
Never too laaate ~<3~
Id do the green, but Im workin on some tax returns
>>25646882
Fuck sake, you lot are useless.
Fine, take these backpacks and go give the gryphons a hug.
ALLAHU ACKBAR
>>25657432
>>25657423
>>25657210
>>25657189
9 out of 11; i craied the whole tiem
What kind of sports do the Royal Guards play?
>>25659259
Pillow fighting.
Its known as a bloodsport so it mostly underground among the ranks.
>>25659285
What about hoofball?
King Anon tries to toughen up the Royal Guard.
>>25659381
>"O-only ONE bubble bath per week?"
>"I can't sleep without a story!"
>"Why don't the bandies have cartoon animals? These are just pink!"
>>25659422
What else?
>>25659429
>"Replacing the rubber spearheads with dull metal? What if somepony gets bonked with it?! They could get a big lump!"
War games between the Wonderbolts and the Royal Guards.
>>25659452
Anything else?
>>25659453
>>25659933
>"Hey Soarin'! You smell weird!"
>"Oh yeah?! Well your mom smells weird!"
>>25659944
Moar.
BOOP
>"King Anon! Terrible news! The Griffon army has repulsed our invasion force, and dozens of ponies have really bad booboos! What should we do?"
"Fear not. We simply deploy better troops. Send in the humans."
>>25647754
>>25659944
>Dude not cool!
Yeah that's the guys mom!
