Old thread: >>25437296
Thank you for shopping with Hassenfeld Brothers Bio-Engineering Specialists!
Congratulations! Your new My Little Pony© is sure to bring you years of joy!
Please, carefully read the instructions before opening the patented Cryo-Box containing your pony.
-Allow at least one hour of uninterrupted time in a secluded, quiet area free from distractions. Your My Little Pony© is designed to begin imprinting upon release from its Cryo-Box. Place the Cryo-Box on the floor, carefully open it, and sit nearby. Your pony may sniff, nuzzle, and lick you as imprinting begins. Do not leave the area. You may gently touch your pony.
-Your Cryo-Box doubles as a comfortable nesting bed for your pony!
-Each pony comes with a 6-week supply of Xtreme grade nutrient paste designed to accommodate the rapid growth process. After the nutrient paste is used, your pony may switch to a normal diet (see Appendix A for recommendations)
-Your My Little Pony© begins its life as a wonderful little colt or filly! You may allow your pony to grow naturally, or you may use the provided Rapid Growth Accelerant to mature your pony to stallion / mare age in a matter of weeks!
-Your pony is engineered to love and support you. Please allow 3-4 weeks for colts and fillies to age before engaging in sexual activity. If rapidly aging your pony, sexual contact may begin after 2 weeks. Be gentle with your pony!
-Every night, place the Language-Assistance headphones on your pony for at least 30 minutes to teach your pony proper speaking skills.
-DO NOT REJECT YOUR PONY. REJECTED PONIES MAY HAVE VIOLENT TENDENCIES. IF YOU FEEL YOU MAY HAVE UNWITTINGLY REJECTED YOUR PONY, PLEASE CALL BIO SUPPORT AT 555-PONY-4ME IMMEDIATELY!
Some green by Typo-Guy:
http://pastebin.com/NLDay5Uq
Some letters (letter-form, not green) by Literal Cancer:
http://pastebin.com/kJeVjE9Q
>>25533332
Can my pony learn to play a cello, double bass, lyre, or piano?
>>25533333
Let's find out who got the quints.
alaka-bump!
>>25533332
Dear Hassenfeld Bros
I didn't get a pony. I got... um... this [pic]. I demand an explanation.
Sincerely, Annie N. A. Moose
>>25534954
forgot pic
I am shitty at shitposting
>>25534954
Did you get nothing too? I got the same thing.
>>25534962
No, i forgot the pic then posted it to >>25534959
>>25534136
Your pony can of course be genetically predisposed to be talented and enjoy many activities, including music.
However, always remember that your pony is its own individual. If your pony absolutely refuses to learn or participate in something... That's okay.
Please respect your pony's right to free will and do not force them to to things they don't want to. Otherwise your relationship with said pony may become strained or unfriendly.
>>25534972
That's the joke m8.
Dear Hasenfeld bros.
I got my pony a few weeks ago and was of course as happy as a clam.
I decided to let her grow naturally and enjoy her being a foal and at first her development was normal, but after roughly two weeks she began to act strangely and hide in dark corners.
Then something really strange happened... She went missing for nearly a whole week!
And after I've finally found her again she looked like the attached picture...
She's normal personality wise and still as friendly and nice as ever before, but I simply can'T explain why something like this would happen to an equine.
Maybe you have an explanation for that?
Sincerly,
Anon. E. Mous
>>25534954
>>25534959
Dear Annie N.A. Moose.
It appears that a freak wormhole has opened up and replaced your intended pony with a product from an alternate universe where Nintendo has the technology to produce bio-engineered life instead of us.
We apologize for this terribly improbable inconvience.
Our specialists will be by soon to hand deliver your pony, and also to euthanize that miserable excuse for an organtun.
Such filth must not be allowed to exist, for the sake of the fabric of space time and because I still hold a grudge against that stupid monkey for having such sloppy controls.
Regards. Hassenfeld Brothers inc.
>>25535021
Dear Hassenfeld Bros
But I like him
dont kill my kong and his dong
Sincerely, a scared Annie N. A. Moose
>>25535032
You really like his dong that much?
But he has no style! He has no grace!
He even has a funny face!
However. Customer satisfaction is our number one priority. So we have called off our specialists for now.
Double however, we are unable to send your pony until we can verify it will be safe around such a creature. Due to safety being our other number one priority.
If you wish to obtain your pony. We must hire another type of specialist and have him study your Kong and his dong in great detail.
Respectfully keeping our distance from any expanding, Hassenfeld Brothers Inc.
>>25535032
Dear Annie N. A. Moose,
Any extra-dimensional products of this nature are tied to us in this plain of reality. Legally anything that the abomination does can, and will, be tied to our company.
As we did not create the product that is currently in your possession, we have no accurate way to determine its reliability. Because of this, we have no chose but to destroy the monstrosity.
Sincerely,
Hassenfeld Brothers inc.
PS. We have given you store credit for any accessories for your My Little Pony©.
>>25535073
I would enjoy the inspection very much, thank you
>>25535085
YOU, however, can begone like the smelly terrorist scum you are
Sincerely, Annie N. A. Moose
Reposting.
SCP-4628: Hassenfeld Brothers Bio-Engineering Specialists
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures:
Any instance of SCP-4628-A is to be obtained by the foundation as soon as it appears. Any involved individuals are to be administered a Class-C amnesiac. If any SCP-4628-B instance appears, it is to be obtained and involved individuals administered a Class-B amnesiac.
Item Description:
SCP-4628 is an ordinary shipping slip for a "Custom Bio-Engineered My Little Pony©". The slip itself has no known origin, as there is not record of the Hasenfeld Brothers ever existing. When filled out to completion and placed in a shippable container along with any object with the approximate value of?????USD, it will anomalously dissapear in synchronization with the nearest postal schedule. After 4-6 weeks, an instance of SCP-4628-B will appear. SCP-4628-B is a sentient equine. 4 varieties of SCP-4628-B exist: Unicorn (A bone-like protrusion at around the forehead area matching coat color), Pegasus (Wings matching coat color on sides, Earth (Visably increased muscle mass), and Alicorn (Combines characteristics of all of the above). SCP-4628-B instances with horns can perform "Magic" such as telekinesis and transformation. SCP-4628-B instances with wings can perform flight regardless of wing size or weight. All SCP-4628-B instances have a visible mark on the flank area. SCP-4628-B instances can perform tasks related to this mark with high ability, even if said ability would require high amounts of dexterity not possible with hooves. SCP-4628-B instances mature naturaly in a 6-month period, but will mature within weeks if fed the included nutrient paste included with the packaging of SCP-4628-B. SCP-4628-B instances are able to clearly speak the language of the country they were ordered from at the end of maturity.
>>25535698
Dear Hassenfeld Brothers Incorperated:
As a company, we would wish to buy a large amount of your My Little Pony® series bio-enginnered companions to increase office productivity and overall work environment quality. However, we would like to first-hand experience the quality of the product. Is it possible for a representative or two revive a tour of your offices or factories?
Sincrely, Second Companion Polymer
>>25535760
Dear Second Companion Polymer:
Unfortunately, tours are not offered at this time due to the current exclusivity of our product and the likelyhood of corperate espionage. We do, however have a small order processing office at???? ??????? ??? ??? ???. We can arrange a meeting and product sampleing there.
Sincerely,
Hassenfeld Brothers Inc.
>>25533332
It's been established that show characters are available as special order ponies. Does this expand to Derpy? If it does, there could be extra ethical issues involved. Is it acceptable to sell a deliberately mentally handicapped pastel horse that will likely be used for the sexual satisfaction of its owner? There are consent issues regarding mentally handicapped people in the real world, hence why I'm asking
>>25533332
This is kind of like the old story time general except that was good.
>>25535795
On??/??/????, MTF team EQ-76A (codename: "Pony Princess Bright") raided the address provided after correspondence with a foundation front. Retrieved were 4 civilians prepared for job interviews, 6 employees carrying out mundane office tasks, 8 individuals claiming to be higher-ups from Hassenfeld Brothers, and 7 SCP-4628-B Instances, fully matured, featuring a male and female of the normal varieties and a single instance of the rarer "Alicorn" variety. Class-B Amnesthetics were administered to all civilians.
>>25535821
Contrary to many acts of fanfiction, DRP/MUF-S11 models are not mentally deficient, although they are notable for being exceptionally high on the empathy scale and correspondingly low on wing-eye co-ordination compared to most pegasi models, though they also show exceptional strength as well.
Ordering a DRP/MUF-S11 comes with a required signature waiver due to her significant variations from baseline Hassenfeld statistics, much like RBW-S11's for her extraordinary speed and frequent disregard for flight control. Hassenfeld Brothers is NOT responsible for exceptional damage to property as a result of owning these models, any more than the maker of a high-performance vehicle is for you ramming it into a wall at 150mph.
Please consider special orders with exceptional variations from the baseline carefully before completing the transaction, as they will be noted and a waiver required.
>>25535855
>You are Nightly Gawn.
>You are a pony, working for Hassenfeld Brothers.
>You are great friends with all your coworkers, the job is tough but extremely fun.
>This one human, Patrick, is a particularly close friend of yours.
>You usually end up spending more than just days together. He's such a sweetheart...
>And so is everyone. Cathy, Green Goo, Sundance, you spend a lot of time together after work.
>Today, you are at the office carrying a form to request new computer screens (sometimes they would display the wrong colors...)
>As you pass through the main corridor, the front door bursts open
>Everyone gasps at the sudden noise, looking in the direction of the entrance
>A group of humans dressed in black, heavy-looking clothes that hide every inch of their skin, and wielding weapons, are running inside.
>The two in front of you rush in and pin you to the ground
>The contact with the floor generates pain in your sides and ribs
>You feel a knee on your flank, and a hand on your neck, keeping you down
>The human yells something, but you can't quite make it out
>Gritting your teeth, you open an eye
>Everyone in the office has stopped what they were doing
>The ponies are all pinned just like you
>"What is going on?!" You recognize Cathy's voice. "What are you doing!?"
>"Calm down miss," replies a masked human. "The situation is under control."
>In the corner of your eye, you spot Sundance trying to get up
>The human on top of her pulls out a syringe filled with a transparent fluid
>He injects it in her neck
>Sundance's eyes shot wide open, and she gasps
>Only a few seconds later, she's gone limp, eyes shut
>"Foxtrot, there's an alicorn B instance in this room! We need assistance!"
>You want to yell Sine Wave's name, but instead only feel a pin in your neck before your world fades to black.
>>25533332
Would my pony be able to learn language other than English?
>>25536869
Yes. When filling the order form, just choose what you want the primary language to be.
>>25537091
How much does the pony cost? Do you accept currencies other than american dollars?
SCP-682 Testing Log
Procedure: 1 Unicorn SCP-4628-B Instance, 2 Earth SCP-4628-B Instances, 2 Pegusus SCP-4628-B Instances, and 1 Alicorn SCP-4628-B Instance introduced to 682's containment chamber. SCP-4628-B communicate, with different reactions to SCP-682. A few seconds later, SCP-4628-Bs' mane colors and lengths increase signifacntly, resulting in [REDACTED], which resulted in SCP-682 being rendered in stone. Neutralization considered a success and SCP-4628 Instances returned to containment. Following this, the stone SCP-682 animated, killing--and resulting in a Containment Breach.
>>25533332
What the fuck do you mean by violent tendencies.
>>25537367
If you were an intelligent creature rejected by the one thing that allows you to exist, you might get desperate and violent as well.
Also, congratulations on figuring out a human keyboard TRC-4COC.
>>25537091
Can I custom order a pony, and can we give them a accent
>>25538175
>If you were an intelligent creature rejected by the one thing that allows you to exist, you might get desperate and violent as well.But it happened more than once and I'm just utterly depressed.
Figuring of what now?
>>25538313
Unless you're -really- having trouble typing, the hesitations and backspacing while posting you've been doing indicate a pony using a human's keyboard.
HBBES is monitoring this thread, of course. It'd be tough not to do proper Q&A sessions if we weren't!
I'm shocked there hasn't been any abuse stories yet.
>>25535698
>>25535760
>>25535795
>>25535855
>>25536829
>>25537336
I like to think that Hassenfeld is a totally legit and non-anomalous company. They only appear anomalous because they have access to high levels of magic thanks to ponies they legitimately created.
They also use this magic to hide themselves from competitors and to make their mailing/shipping/ordering far more efficient
Unfortunately, they weren't expecting anything like the Foundation to take note of them, and keep losing employees, staff, and ponies every couple of weeks with no one remembering what happened to them.
>>25539398Tell noone pls.
>>25539975
Page ten.bump
>>25539878
Same.
Not sure if that's good or bad.
This thread is empty. How about a helping of green?
>It was a dark evening.
>The sun was just barely setting on the sub-urban neighborhood.
>Somewhere a dog barked, then everything was quiet.
>Quietly, a white and black police car rolled down the street.
>It parked in front of a seemingly random home, before the engine shut off.
>Two individuals steeped out, one human and one unicorn pony.
>"We're sure this is the place?" The pony asked.
>The blue uniformed man nodded.
"Address checks out with our tip, and neighborhood checks out with the reports."
>The duo walked up to the nearest front door, and the man knocked firmly.
>A brief moment passed by, before some unlocking sounds were heard.
>The door opened on a cute looking mare with an innocent expression.
"Hi, VAPD, is your- Um, human home?"
>The mare processed the presence of the officer and unicorn for a few seconds.
>"He- Yes. He is. Shall I go fetch him?"
"Please. If you could Mam."
>She walked away briskly.
>The officer noted she seemed to walk a little strange, and was holding her tail pressed flat against her rump.
>Suspect may have sexual tendancies, although pony-human interaction of that type wasn't currently against any laws.
>Just seen as a little bit deviant by some.
>"Is your human home? Are you serious?" The Unicorn asked quietly.
"Hey, I do my job and you do yours. I'm sorry they didn't brief me on how to be polite to ponies."
>"It's not like that, it's just- It's a weird term to use. You could say owner or something. 'Is the owner of the house here' would be best."
"Better than asking if her master was home. My old partner did that the other day."
>The pony bristled a fair bit, "Yep. That's incredibly offensive to some ponies these days. Definitely don't say that."
"Although I hear some ponies like to-"
>"Please shut up."
>A heavy silence hung in the air briefly, before the sound of some footsteps came down the hallway.
>>25542123
This looks good. Please continue.
>>25542123
Green's promising. Continue, amigo.
>>25542202
>>25542345
Will do.
>>25542123
>The officer began to take mental notes as soon as his suspect came into view.
>Caucasian male approximately 6'2", thin build. Long black hair. Brown eyes. Very familiar, He'd seen him before somewhere.
>"What can I do for you offi- Whoa hey! O'Brian? How's it going buddy?"
>Suspect recognized. High school acquaintance.
"Hello Chris."
>The officer replied with almost no emotion whatsoever.
>"What's up. I don't suppose you came to get that $5 I still owe you after all this time."
"No, this is a little more serious. I just need to ask you a few questions, do you mind if I come in?"
>"I do actually. It's a little messy in there. Me and my gal were just doin' the- You know. Shit man, can I get you a drink or something?"
"No thank you."
>"Can't drink on duty or whatever. I feel ya. Though I was just gonna give you lemonade or whatever. I think I have some in my fridge."
>"No, I- I'm just not really thirsty."
>Although now that he had offered, some lemonade sounded pretty good.
>"Right, right. Not thirsty for any fruit. You'd rather have a tall glass of justice! Right man?"
>He attempted to pat him on the back, but Officer O'Brian moved away.
>Chris gave him a bit of a hurt look. "Well that's cold. Whatever, what can I help ya with bud?"
"Well, we're looking for reports of something a bit unusual."
>"Sure, sure. I might have seen something. I've seen some strange things around here."
>The Unicorn blurted out suddenly.
>"We're looking for someone who's been stealing ponies."
>>25542374
>He didn't mean to blurt it out, but the dodging around the topic was killing him.
>Officer O'Brian mentally made a mental note to scold his partner later.
>For the moment he was looking for any kind of response from Chris.
>He stuttered for a brief second.
>"I-I. I see. That k-kind of unusual."
>He held his door open a bit wider.
>"Sienna, could you put on a pot of tea? Chamomile?" He called back to his pony in the other room.
>"Cham- Chamomile! Uh- Sure thing." She called back.
>Chris turned back to the Officer.
>"I have in fact seen, a little bit. A lot actually.
"Fantastic, so you'll be making a statement then?"
>"I will actually."
>Officer O'Brian noted that this seemed a little too good to be true.
>Never the less, he took out a notepad and began to ask questions.
"Alright, so what type of things have you seen?"
>"Well, for starters, around uh- That house over there. I used to go out for midnight walks with Sienna, just enjoy the cool air you know?"
"how often would you take these walks?"
>The unicorn began to zone out a bit, as his companion began to drone on with questions about walks and where and when they were taken.
>His ears flicked around, picking up other sounds throughout the household.
>Wait, what was that high pitched sound? It sounded like a motor of some sort. And were those male voices he heard? Wasn't that other pony Sienna just making tea?
>>25542492
>Then he heard a car engine kick in. It was fairly quiet electric motor, but the sound cars made had always been pretty distinctive to sensitive pony ears.
>"Umm, O'Brian, we may have a problem..."
"And what average temperature would you say these walks were?"
>"Probably around 70-80 degrees."
"And was there any wind chill on these nights?"
>"Not usually, except on every third friday-"
>Jesus, police questioning had really started going into great depths over the years.
>"HEY! O'Brian!" The Unicorn yelled into his ear.
"What! These questions are mandatory, I don't make the rules!"
>"Not that! Look!"
>He pointed out into the street, where a yellow car was now sitting in the middle of the road, having just pulled out from the house's garage.
>Sitting in the driver's seat was the mare from earlier, Sienna.
>There were also two more ponies in the back seat, blowing raspberries at them.
>O'brian turned around to confront Chris, but he was already on the move, running away.
>He ducked into a door, bashing it open, and O'Brian started to move instantly.
>The Unicorn turned heels and started running towards the car.
>But stopped in his tracks as he saw Chris running out of the open garage with a pistol in his hand.
>He pointed it at the Unicorn first, then O'Brian as he came running out of the garage after him.
"Put the gun down Chris! It doesn't have to go down like this!"
>O'Brian had stopped his mad sprint, but now he had his gun drawn as well.
>Chris had stopped running, now standing beside the car's passenger side.
>"Of course it doesn't, but you can't take them away. Not after what they've been through."
>He opened the car door one handed and backwards, still fending off both the Officer and Unicorn's advance from a distance.
>Then ducked into the car and slammed the door as Sienna presumably pressed her hoof to the pedal and they sped off.
"Into the car! Go! Go!
>>25542601
Well this changed tones pretty fast. Keep going, though.
>>25542601
>The pair jumped into the squad car as gracefully as they could manage.
"We have an armed and dangerous suspect on the move. Heading down onto highway 1, Requesting back up."
>O'brian radioed in while hitting the pedal to metal.
>The car lurched forward aggressively, as the chase began.
>"This isn't really what I expected for my first day on the job."
"I used to know that guy a while back. Things are always all drama and theatrics with him."
>"I think car chases and firefights are a little more than just theatrics."
"He hasn't fired any shots yet, this isn't a fire fight.
>"What do you think he meant by 'Not after what they've been through?' Why weren't those ponies trying to get away? I thought they were kidnapped and abused?"
"Hey, you're the pony expert here. Maybe it's Stockholm?"
>"They were blowing raspberries at us. THEY STILL ARE."
>Up ahead a little ways, two horses were peeking out the back window and making faces at them.
>The taunting stopped quickly as the powerful police cruiser quickly caught up to the slower yellow car.
>They turned around and appeared to be talking nervously and quickly.
>The unicorn put on a tiny headset, and spoke into it.
>"I need an ID on three Hassenfelds, one unicorn mare, one- Oh, you already got it?"
>The Unicorn looked up out the window at a distant light in the sky. He gave a quick nod.
>Those policeman on board the helicopter probably saw the nod too. Helicopter scanners and cameras were nothing to mess with.
>>25542741
>O'Brian pulled out a megaphone, and leaned out the window.
>"Should you really be doing that while driving?"
"Relax, I've done this before."
>The unicorn gave a cautious nod. "Okay then. If you say so." He then went back to speaking into his itty-bitty headset.
"Requesting confirmation of use for Hassenfeld kill codes. Do I have authorization?"
>Actually using kill codes was a worst case scenario, but it was best to be prepared for the worst.
>"Authorization granted. Be careful out there." A tiny voice spoke back.
>"10-4"
"Plug your ears or something, I'm using this thing now."
>"What? Oh, okay." The Unicorn folded his ears against his head.
"PULL OVER YOUR VEHICLE. OR WE WILL RAM YOU."
>To no ones surprise, the vehicle didn't pull over.
"YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED."
>O'Brian ducked his head back in, took a breath, then floored it.
>In seconds the squad car caught up to the poor chamomile colored car and stayed just to the left of it.
>The two cars weren't at the highway just yet, right now they were on a back country road just about a minute from reaching it.
>In the yellow car, a faint blue glow could be seen as Sienna used her magic to buckle the seat-belts of the ponies in the back.
>The O'Brian swerved to the right, and slammed against the back left tire.
>There was a terrible crunch sound, and the nervous faces of the ponies in the back were replaced with pure fear.
>The Unicorn thought his face probably didn't look much different.
>O'Brian swerved back to the left, as they both watched as the opposing car's wheel buckled underneath it.
"Shit!"
>>25533332
>Please allow 3-4 weeks for colts and fillies to age before engaging in sexual activity.
Never fails to tickle my funny bone
>>25542854
>Time seemed to slow a bit as the yellow car slammed down on it's back corner.
>Then proceeded to lose all velocity as it spun out of control.
>Then it's front tires also buckled underneath it, and the car began to bounce.
"Don't flip over, don't flip over, don't flip over-"
>The car bounced up a coupled of times, once almost turning sideways.
>But it stayed mostly upright, and skidded to a stop with a shower of destroyed asphalt and sparks.
>The Unicorn was first out of the car, quickly running over to see that him and his partner hadn't killed anyone.
>And stopped short as the greyish Unicorn mare Sienna stepped out of the car.
>Levitating a gun.
>It was shaking in the magical grip, but it was still aimed directly at him.
>O'Brian stepped around beside him, leveling his gun.
>There wasn't any shake in his grip.
"Miss, I need you to drop the weapon. Please."
>"Y-You killed him- He- He's dead-" Her voice was 30% legible and 70% trembling mutter.
>The yellow car looked like it was full of deflating airbags, hard to tell how anyone was doing from this distance.
>Despite broken glass everywhere, there didn't appear to be any blood just yet.
"Miss please. Put the gun down. This is your last warning."
>It fired.
>A bullet whizzed straight into O'Brian's chest, knocking the wind out of him from the surprise.
>A second gun shot, grazing his leg, was enough to knock him over.
>The unicorn began shouting. "ID S-I-3-4-4-N-4."
>Sienna's eyes went wide, "Wait, please! You-"
>She tried to fire off a shot at him, but missed.
"Override code 24489 Command: Factory Reset!"
>Immediately she went entirely limp, dropping the gun and herself to the floor.
>>25542969
>Her eyes were devoid and blank, and her little hooves kicked aimlessly.
>"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DOOOOOO!"
>Out of the wreckage came Chris, screaming at the top of his lungs.
>"SHE NEVER HURT ANYONE IN HER LIFE. YOU BASTARD!"
>He had a gun still in his hand, but he seemed content to just run towards the Unicorn and try to beat him senseless.
>He dodged to the left, as Chris stumbled past him, pure rage in his eyes.
>Right over to O'Brian, who grabbed him from his place on the ground, and threw him over his shoulder forcefully.
"She hurt me, bitch!"
>He continued rolling, and went into a crouch.
>He finally remembered he still had a gun, and brought it up to O'Brian's face.
"Oh Fuck-"
CLICK
>A dark blue field of light coated the weapon, as the Unicorn telekinetically jammed it by holding the firing pin in place.
>He yanked it out of Chris's grip, then spun it around to face him.
>O'Brian retrieved his own firearm from where he had dropped it after being shot, and leveled it towards Chris as well.
>For a few seconds, Chris looked around frantically for something to defend himself with, before stopping.
>Over the sound of the three breathing heavily, approaching sirens could be heard.
>They were only a couple minutes out at the most.
>Chris put his hands behind his head, staring down at the ground coldly.
>"It's not fair. You took away everything she was. She's gone. Everything she worked towards."
>The unicorn borrowed O'Brian's cuffs, and shackled Chris quickly and efficiently.
"You have the right to remain silent-"
>"I Don't want to be silent. I need to know!"
>He looked over towards his car.
>>25543101
>"Will they be okay? Not Sienna of course, you fucking killed her. You'll probably kill me too or something. Might as well have."
>"No, Sienna can be fine too. What I did is really easy to undo."
>Silence.
>"Are you serious? She'll be okay?"
>"100%."
>Chris continued staring longingly towards his car.
>"Can- Can you make sure they don't go back to their original homes? They can't go back. Sienna and I only took them because we knew they couldn't stay there."
"Are you sure you don't want to excercize that right of silence? You can say it all later. We'll all be going to the same station."
>The sirens were getting much louder.
>Probably less than a minute now. The lights were easily visible.
>"How did you know to search my house?
>"Anonymous tips. Two of them."
"We don't actually have to tell him anything you know."
>>25543180
Rushed ending i'm unhappy with GO!
>"Two huh. I wonder how those abusive assholes figured out where I live.
>"What did the previous owners of those ponies do?"
"We probably don't actually have to ask these questions. They'll get asked later."
>"They abused them in all sorts of ways. Sexual, physical, mental, you name it. They don't have names, they've barely ever been outside, And they must have never been given access to those learning headset things because they act like children and can hardly speak."
>O'Brian finally caught a bit of intrest in the conversation.
"Why didn't you report them or contact us police? That's well beyond the level of abuse Hassenfeld terms of service allows."
>He looked up with a sad gaze, thinking about it clearly on the verge of bringing him to tears.
>"I reported it six times to both you and Hassenfeld. The first few times Hassenfeld made an inspection and couldn't find anything, and you cops just ignored me. After that my reports were ignored."
"So you took matters into your own hands? And kidnapped them?"
>"I didn't want to at first, but I couldn't even look at Sienna when I was ignoring that kind of abuse. She matters so much to me- She just- She's so caring and kind, and I- I-"
>He finally broke down crying, as the police pulled up around the smashed up yellow car.
>"Override 24489 command: Full restore." The Unicorn spoke.
>The mare on the ground ceased her aimless twitching, before blinking in confusion.
>"Wh- Chris!" Her eyes locked on to him.
>She struggled to get up for a brief second, her legs spasming wildly, before giving up and glaring at the officers in blue that were now surrounding the scene.
>"Thank you." Chris breathed.
>>25543484
You may now return to your regularly scheduled good posts and stories. Please feel free to ignore my tired and autistic story.
I just wanted to write something about Hassenfeld ponies having kill codes and command word overrides and this was the only way I could think of to write about it.
good night y'all.
So what makes this any different thanfluffy ponies?
>>25543804
I was gonna shitpost something like
>"wow i wonder if these cute things would likeskettiandWuv?
yeah im not seing the difference here?
it's only a matter of time before someone posts some bullying and it'll snowball back around tofluffy ponies
>>25543500
I liked it.
>>25539975
The Internet is for all intelligent species, humans and ponies alike. HBBES encourages communication in all forms, although contrary to rumors, we are incapable of reception of "firemail", whatever that actually is supposed to be.Where the senders are getting dragonfire from, we have no idea.
>>25543804
>>25543845
Because the only people posting about fluffy shit are people like you going "When will this be fluffy time?"
Hint: It's never fluffy pony time here.
>>25543500
I liked it as well.
>>25543484
certainly a great idea, though with whats already been said in the previous threads I'm sure Hassenfeld would have indeed done something and not ignored it. But your idea is solid, and does seem to fit into a somewhat realistic area. I liked it for the most part
though I'm a somewhat depressed anon, so seeing anything that isn't a hugfest makes me have a skewed opinion on things
>boop
From our "Favorite Letters" archive:
Dear Hassenfeld Brothers,
Why is one of the features for your My Little Pony© "specially reinforced and enhanced snout"? I didn't order a Truffle Shuffle model.
Nonny Mouse
Dear Nonny:
The My Little Pony© have extra nasal reinforcement and exceptional nervous system additions due to the need for various actions common to all models, such as "scrunching" and the popular "booping".
My Little Pony© models both enjoy seeing and making silly faces, especially as a colt or filly, and regard gentle boops and nuzzling as ideal forms of affection from their imprint or friends.
>>25544131
Seconded.
Dear Hassenfeld Bros:
I'm a total fan of your Twilight line, and picked up a TWS-S11 both in a filly-frozen state, adult, and the TWS-S313 alicorn adult versions.
Is it normal for them to be finishing each other's sentences? The longer I've had them together, the more I think they've developed some secret telepathy magic or somesuch.
On the other hand, they like to sleep in a pony pyramid of sorts. I've taken to calling it the "Princess Pile" and it's incredible adorable. I'm a book lover and the filly TWS loves to make forts out of my paperbacks while the other two alternate being Bookzilla and her brave knight-defender.
Dying of diabeetus,
A. Non Dermous.
>>25546887
I just realized your model numbers are the seasons and episodes they first appear.
>>25547138
Dear Anonymous:
You're quite right! HBBES has a well-organized identification system for all of the models we produce for our customers.
Not all Hassenfelds are straight from the show- there's models like the RHO-FM1 Radiant Hope, for example, and real "customs" are usually -OC or -C (depending on whether it's a pure custom or an "alternate cast" model instead.
For example, the cult favorite "Princess Applejack" is an AJK-C12, while a random OC would (as of this writing) be (name designation)-OC671.
In addition, we maintain a factory production number for all of our models as well, which simply indicates their order in terms of being decanted and placed into pre-imprint cryostasis. In case of an emergency, this number is engraved next to the model number on the Cryo-Box used for delivery, should emergency failsafes for trauma relief or law enforcement purposes are required.
What basic rights are Hassenfeld ponies entitled to?
Food water shelter and heat I'd imagine, but what else?
What common rights?
Can Hassenfelds get married?
Can they own property?
>>25547989
Dear Anonymous:
Hassenfelds, as intelligent partners are contractually obliged to a level of care comparable to their owners. This can mean anything from a relatively humble existence to food and support most humans would consider "rich".
As per the Adoptive Family Relief Act (amended) and similar legislation outside the United States, Hassenfelds can be claimed as tax credits for up to $4,800 in housing expenses + $3,000 in misc. expenses and an additional $3,000 in medical bills (and as part of your contract with HBBES, health insurance is -mandatory- for Hassenfelds under the Genetic Integrity, Duplicant, and Derivative Initative (GIDDI) Treaty to monitor for potential genetic drift or mutation).
Hassenfelds are treated as minors for the purpose of most legal permissions due to dependency on their imprints, though exceptions have been made given biological growth and development for such things as consent. An imprint -is- responsible for the acts of their Hassenfeld(s) much like any parent.
Property rights are generally via a trustee process with a third party (HBBES maintains an *ahem* stable of lawyers specifically for ponies interested in such).
Ponies are capable of legal marriage with "parental" (both imprints) OR judicial consent. Due to reproductive sterility, the issue of parental rights has been a moot point to date. Legal appeals to the court systems have happened in the past regarding (rare) imprint/dependent issues, and are generally handled via the juvenile/family court systems in countries where Hassenfelds are sold.
>>25544116Me neither. Must be those damned unicorns. Also I want you to know that I don't have any violent tendencies and I am a good, law-abiding citizen.
>>25548792
Pagenine.bump
I never thought this thread would turn out like this. This iis perfect.
Question, do cocksocks belong here?
>>25543500
Not bad. You got a pastebin?
>>25547138
Not sure how other writefags have been handling it, but I've been doing something like this as well.Chrysalis was V225C - Villain, S2E25, Chrysalis. A changeling under this system would have probably been V226Ch, since they didn't show up until the seond half.
I want to send someone a hassenfeldfor Christmas.
Dear Hassenfeld Bros.,
Firstly, let me say how happy your products have made me. I have been happily married to a Hassenfeld for several years now, and would never want it any other way.
I must also thank you for the release and sale of the Fertility Solution and the CrossSpecies Parental Solution two years ago - I've been the father of a healthy, young colt for about six weeks now, and I am enjoying every minute of being both a father and a husband to Hassenfelds.
I have a few questions, however.
1. Will raising this colt be like how my wife was raised? Do I need to purchase any sort of speech-teaching headphones or anything? Or will it be more like raising a human child?
2. Since he is the biological son of a human (even if with some magical intervention), what rights does he have compared to other Hassenfelds? Will he need to attend school? Will he be able to get citizenship?
I know there have been a lot of legal troubles and questions since you released these solutions and the newest lines, however these questions have been plaguing me, and I'd like answers.
Thanks,
Anonymous
>>25533332
can I like... get a pokemon instead?
>>25551570
Only if you want a Keldeo.
What if I have 2 fillies?
Do they have conflicts?
>>25536829
Does Patrick then change companies and joins Pierce & Pierce?
>>25551425
Damn, cute shit. I wanna see Hassenfeld Bros reply!
Dear Hassenfeld Bros.,
I purchased the Royal Sisters set a few months ago and in general I´m a very happy customer, they are both beautyfull, highly intelligent and grew up healthy and without any problems as all followed all of the instructions with the accellerated growth. The only problem is, well, they are more and more often on each others throats. I think its Luna, she seems to be very jealous on her sister andstarts arguments with her. I really tried to give those two an equal amount of love, care and attention. Yesterday I caught Luna as she gave Celly a bite on her neck. I scolded her and gave her a timeout of two hours on the stairs, but I fear I only made it worse. Did I do something wrong raising them, or is that a common problem? Is this just a phase she has growing up? Please I need some advise fast, I really love them both and don´t want to have to get rid of one of them.
Yours
Al N. Moose
>>25554210
>beautyfull
Page ten boop!
Stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey bump.
>>25554210
Dear Al N. Moose,
This is surprisingly common behavior when one purchases both the Royal Sister models. The best advice we at Hassenfeld Bros can give is to pull Luna to the side and chat with her. It would seem, like in the original show, the Luna model has a love of the night and tends to want to spend time out under the Moons light. We advise you to take time out of your night if possible and take her for a walk. Try to convince her she is loved, before things escalate further.
Sincerely,
Hassenfeld Brothers Inc.
>Anon doesn't take Luna out for walks.
>Things escalate.
>Scientists horrified as day/night cycle held hostage by small blue horse.
Attention to HBBES,
Anon Y. Mous, Superintendent for [Redacted] Construction, writing to you about the Generation 2 of HSE/ Field Supervisory My Little Pony© HSE0000001OCG2, HSE000002OCG2, SUPER000001TSG2, SUPER000002AJG2, SUPER000003AJG2, have been successfully imprinted on their human counterparts and are currently working on a test-run work site in the [Redacted] Projects at [Redacted].
Our head HSE adviser absolutely adores her unicorn, and mentioned how well he worked in figuring out all immediate hazards on a dry-run on one of our worksites.
The Hassenfeld technicians on site had noted that this generation should be more efficient and more heavily safety-oriented; our company requires stringent safety overhead and these G2s have comprehended the requirements needed, as well as their adaptability in changing conditions as we did a full week of extensive testing.
As per our request, the Twilight Sparkle is taught how to run heavy duty machinery and we've compared this one, with a 30 year experienced excavator operator, whom had matched his skill with her use of magic and fastidious study of how the machine operates and she could even stretch the machine to its limits without breaking a sweat.
We're quite pleased with the results and will phase in more G2 Supervisors and HSE Ponies in the coming year.
Regards
Anon Y. Mous
PS
I absolutely love my My Little Pony© SUPER090001RRG1, she keeps everything spruced up in the office trailer and my company work truck. Never have I seen a more pristine, arctic white work-truck on a muddy work site.
And she's great company when we're perched up on a hill overlooking the work site, if you know what I mean.
>>25557832
THEY TOOK OUR JOBS
Protip for all buyers: unicorns are shit. Go for earth.
>>25558015
Daily Work Account Notes November 26 2032
Superintendent Anon Y. Mous / Superintendent Rarity(SUPER090001RRG1)
Rarity and I had field-tested the new set of My Little Pony©: Operating Engineers line from Hassenfeld, of which we were given 5 OE Ponies, of those predisposed ponies, three are excavator operators, and two are utility operators; given a set of keys and taught by their human counterpart. Amazingly enough, they do as well as their counterpart, whilst looking quite amusing in the cabs of the machine, as the seating is designed for humans in mind, though Hassenfeld has sent us some universal retrofits for seating arrangements for the ponies, we have yet to have the Hassenfeld techs come by to set it up. Though a pony sitting in dozer pushing up onto a hill and cresting the berm whilst only barely held by the lapbelt can become dangerous, HSE000001OCG2 seemed to think so. But I know my OEs, they wouldn't do anything risky.
The union seems to be up in arms about this, implying that they'll take jobs away, however these ponies, though paid for by the company, is owned and cared-for by the operator, and they all seemed to like that they get paid to supervise their pony counterpart. I'm quite certain the operators pocketing the money their pony makes keeps them happy.
The union seems to forget that these little ponies are attached to the imprint and as far as I'm aware cannot just up and leave on their own unless Hassenfeld has taken them away for re imprinting.
Reminder: Fire that one guy who keeps smoking in the machine we have designated smoking areas. OE#25558015's day will be up soon.
>>25533332
Dear Hassenfeld Bros
I want to ask for a pony to raise, however I am not citizen of United States or Canada. I live in USSR. Am I able to get the pony?
Regards,
Comrade Anonov
>>25533332
>try to make the repostings of old greentext
>can't find pastebin in bookmarks
>find heinessen bookmark
>go desu
>thread doesn't exist
>look up some keywords
>no results
Which green are ya looking for?
>>25558461
bumpety bump bump
>>25556861
Historians have agreed that it is the most adorable crisis to have ever occurred
Hey guys, drawfag for the PiE general here. PiE seems to have run out of steam and died for the moment, so do you mind if I hang out here for a bit? Want any ponies drawn?
>>25562483
Draw poners
>>25562483
Yes please.
>>25562483
Draw a scene from your favorite story in the thread, please. I want to see cute pones on earth!
>>25560399
checkerbump
>>25562483
ayyfigured I wasn't the only one who came here from PiE
maybe draw horsie of choice in their cryo-box?
>>25551425
Dear Anonymous:
Due to the required changes for using human RNA/DNA strands as Hassenfeld coding, development of your offspring is at a much lower rate of growth due to the impossibility of a strictly biological origin mimicking the normal genesis process at HBBES. However, your colt will show some signs of accelerated progress versus a human child.
Expect your new colt to be fully mobile within 3-4 months of birth, but will be able to stand shortly after being born. Mental development will be -much slower- than normal Hassenfelds, as "natural" birth and human DNA/RNA interaction does not allow us to safely hardwire the normal quick-development processes we use for our factory-decanted ponies. That being said, expect your new colt to have similar intelligence and empathy ranges to his dam, with final physical development being across the entire potential spectrum due to your genetics being used as the informational template for such.
Biological Hassenfelds can NOT benefit from the usual quick-learning or development aids. Do NOT feed biological Hassenfelds accelerant, and although Language-Assistance headphones can be used to introduce your new colt to local languages, being able to form words or develop the understanding of same will require time. Expect your new colt to follow similar mental development to a baseline human at least until the age of six years. Nutrition paste is edible to but cannot trigger rapid growth.in biological Hassenfelds.
After six years, your colt will reach mental development levels equivalent to decanted HBBES filly/foal frozen-development. By twelve, they will be equivalent to decanted "adult" Hassenfelds in mental capacity, but will require normal educational methods and exceptional talents will be random or possibly non-existent.
Your new colt is imprinted as part of gestation to it's genetic donors, meaning yourself and the mother. Should he desire his own children, the same process of FS/CSPS will be required.
>>25551425
Further, remember that due to imprinting, the laws regarding dependency also apply to biological Hassenfelds. As per the UN Self-Awareness Treaty (UNSAT), all entities capable of full self-awareness and at least human-level intelligence have full access to educational and other facilities alongside Homo Sapiens, meaning your colt not only can attend school, but should. HBBES strongly encourages social interaction for ponies, especially age-equivalent social interaction to better allow their function in society. UNSAT also applies to citizenship- Hassenfelds of factory or biological origin qualify as "born in" the nation of imprinting, and appropriate B/I certification applies. While decanted Hassenfelds already have such certification as part of the purchase process, you will need to do so manually as you would if you'd become the father of a human child.
>>25558425
Spasibo, Comrade Anonov for writing in.
As the Union of Soviet Systemwide Republics is a UNSAT signatory, HBBES would be happy to deliver a pony, price pursuant to normal exchange rates. Please note that extra-atmospheric delivery is extra should your pony require delivery to the ISS Hub, Red Colony Alpha, or the Ceres Colonization Cluster.
In addition, we -require- any non-planetary purchase be of a Pegasus or Alicorn model. Unicorns and Earth template Hassenfelds deal very poorly with microgravity environments. Quick learning in both Old Russian and Neopan-Slavic languages are available for headphone learning systems for your new colt or filly.
Boop
>>25563976
Can your pony fly without wings?
Only on the Hub!
>>25563976
So I cannot buy the true proletariat earth pony. I can deal with that, pegasus is a good companion, of scouting from air. Thank you for explanation, HBBES corporation of capitalism. I will ensure that your pony selling offer will be regarded as pure in eyes of Council.
Regards
Comrade Anonov
>>25567096
>>25558425
>>25563976
I miss comrade Strelnikov.
>>25533332
Dear Hassenfeld Bros, I have a few questions concerning your My Little Pony© products.
First and foremost, my first concern is waste management. These ponies can be toilet trained, correct? My work schedule unfortunately means I am out for long periods of time some days, and I cannot properly let my pony out for walks. If so, at what age do I need to begin training?
Secondly, how close instinctively are your My Little Ponies© to regular horses? Will My Little Pony© begin cribbing, or has that trait been cut out? I hope that the heat urges will remain intact.
And finally, I am having difficulty choosing which pony would be best for me. Is there some sort of personality test I can take to match up a pony for me?
>>25568185
>heat urges
>infertile
I've got bad news, bud...
