>"Hello friends, this is Midnight in Appleoosa, coming at you live from Equestria's high desert. Tell ya what, this is gonna be a really interesting show tonight. We've got reports from Ponyville about a strange ape-creature running loose, and the E-U-P Guard has been dispatched but they just can't respond to all the calls fast enough. If anypony in the Ponyville area is listening, please don't hesitate to call in. Wow, there's a caller already. You're on the air."
What do?
>>25507112
>"Wow, I just moved in and I get called a 'strange ape-creature' and the authorities are already called? What is this,True Capitalist Radio?"
>>25507112
"do you recognize my voice?.. then listen to me very carefully, i want these traitors taken alive."
>>25507173
>"Will I never find peace, Midnight?"
>>25507112
Call in about the hole in my back yard.
>>25507112
>"Hey, uh, Midnight? Listen, I want to remain anonymous for the duration of this call."
"No problem, Anonymous. Now, do you have any news on this creature?"
>"Yeah, yeah.... Yeah, I do. Uh, I can see him pretty clearly from where I'm standing."
"Are you safe, Anonymous?"
>"Yeah, no, don't worry about me, Midnight. The creature isn't making any kind of threatening gestures. If I had to guess, it would seem it's just as confused as we are. I'm pretty sure it doesn't mean any harm."
"Looks can be deceiving, Anonymous."
>"No kidding. But, um, I think it just wants to sit down and talk because it's pretty sure this whole ordeal is one big misunderstanding."
"How insightful. Anonymous, how can you tell just by looking at this creature?"
>"Oh wow, well, I... work with animals pretty often. I can tell you a bunch of things about the creature just by looking at it."
"Equestria is listening, Anonymous."
>"Well, he's muscular and obviously in great shape. The bulge in his pants is enormous, and it jiggles with each step he takes. He's the scariest, sexiest man I've ever seen. Also he doesn't want to beat anyone up but I bet you he could."
>>25507112
>"Oh yes hello um i want one large medium sized pizzza with extra large sausage and a diet pepsi."
>>25507112
>"SUCK MAH DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK"
>>25507112
"Yes! h-hello mr.midnight!?"
"Yeah i-i can see the creature now! ac-actually theres two of them! a-and what appears to be a large dog or cat is sitting on a boulder not far off!"
"w-wait! th-theres ....music? and the two ape-things are fighting!"
"hear listen! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=plgx--ABInA"
"i-i cant tell wheres it coming from"
>>25507112
>"Uhh...hello? Caller, you're on air."
"Pfft I know but that's fucking rich! 'Ape-Creature hurrdurr' hahahaha!"
>"Err, who is this can I ask?"
"Oh, just your friendly neighborhood ape-creature. Boy, lemme tell you, breaking into a crystal fucking tree and using the princess of shitty titles' personal cell phone while she showers is not as easy as it seemed in my head. Had to dodge that little purple salamander or whatever. Fuckin lizard-"
>"WELL UHH... AHEM ... Yes well I think we should move on to the next caller. Hello, ponyville resident, you're on air."
"Hahaha! Faggot thought I wasn't expecting him to believe me! That's why I stole her friends phones too dipshit. That's what you ge-"
>"We're terribly sorry for that, Uhh... Ponyville(?) you're on air..."
"As I was saying, that's what you get when you
>imply
Fuck head. I suggest you call the guard cause I'm going after those glorious sun buns next!"
>"That's a terrific idea. The guards in ponyville are being notified, as are the ones in canterlot. We apologize for this...interruption."
>*BOOP BOOP BOOP*
>"go ahead caller"
"Holy shit you actually sent them! I'm not in that fucking joke of a castle! Ha! Oh yeah, by the way, you should look out the window."
>"What the OHMYCELESTIA!!!"
>Sounds of breaking glass.
>Pssshhhh
>"What are you doing? Ahh! No! Nonono wait! Not in the fahahahaaaaaccccceeeeee!"
>Ruffling and dragging noises.
"That's better. What's up equestria, time for new-earth radio. Your host here, Anon, with politics. Seems like Celly needs to lay off the cake (maybe get some cock). Her constant confection destination has ticked off quite a few gryphon diplomats lately, causing tensions over the borders between the two countries in the northern regions."
"In other news- holee sheeyit! It got really hot all of a sudden, where's the thermostat and why is it in hell?"
>"I WILL BURN YOU WITH NUCLEAR FUSION MONKEY!!!"
>Static...
>"Equestrian radio is experiencing technical difficulties."
>>25508342
Anon fought the good fight.
>>25508423
anon died a hero's death trying torapesunass
