Spike, Please add the following to the list of Anon's Bans:
>Anon is not to play the tuba under any circumstances
>Anon is not to discuss the entity known as "Shrek" in the presence of foals
>Anon is not allowed to shout "That's what she said" during public events.
>>22219267
You're just jealous that your mentor and her sister are crazy for my dick. I'm not going to apologize for fucking them, or for continuing to fuck them, or for what we're going to do in your bed tonight.
>>22219267
>>22219420
Everything this Anon said.
Plus, tuba master race. I'll play whatever instrument I want when I want. Eat a cawk
>>22219267
>Anon is not to be allowed to judge beauty contests just to talk about mare's backsides.
>Anon is not allowed to make his own 'booty' contests
>Anon is banned from book club for giggling incessantly at the word 'plot'
>>22219267
>Anon is, by no means, not certified to inspect the genitals of any kindof pony.
>>22219267
>Anon is not an Emissary for the Smooze, and his semen is not part of any "Smooze Friendship Ritual".
>Anon is not allowed to call ponies by anything other than their given names without explicit permission from the ponies in question. Using nicknames such as "Princess Candyass" on official documentation is forbidden under all circumstances.
>>22219267
>Anon is not allowed to drink more than two beers on any given night.
>Anon is not allowed to drink any amount of hard liquor.
...at least until he can learn to hold it and not be a lightweight twat
>>22219458
>>Anon is not to be allowed to judge beauty contests just to talk about mare's backsides.
anyone of these would make a good story, but i really want to see some green about this!
>>22219777
trips says that anon is an alcoholic!
>>22219927
Cnsidering that I, the anon who wrote that, am in fact an alcoholic, I don't know whether to kek or feel bad for the poor ponesThough I'm not a lightweight by any means
>Anon is not permitted to break into Sugarcube Corner and demand a pound of cookies and a getaway car, whatever a 'car' is.
>Anon is not permitted to be within 10 feet of Sugarcube Corner.
>Anon and sugar do not mix.
>>22219977
all the more reason for you to write it.
>Anon is not to tell scary stories to foals
>Anon is not to tell scary stories to ponies
>Anon is NEVER to repeat his 'slasher' stories to ANYONE
>Anon is never to be left with easy access with corn syrup, milk, and food coloring
>>22219267
"Hold it right there, Spikester!"
>Like a master fucking ninja, Anon has managed to sneak behind the dragon without being seen nor heard, before quickly leaning over and snatching the long-ass list from his claws
"Let's see here...uh huh...uh huh..uh huh...OH, HELL NO! Booty hunting a no no?! Fuck you,
Twiggles! My BB gun will not rest until it has pinged every jiggly pony ass in Equestria!"
>Twilight glares at Anon, as she tries to snatch the list back from the apeman
>Anon, on the other hand is far too quick for the purple ponycorn. With deft movements that are almost too fast to be seen with a naked eye, Anon jumps and somersaults on Twiggles' back, rolling the list into a nice thick tube, and starts smacking her horn with it!
"ANON?! WHAT THE...OWWWW!"
"New list! Twilight is banned from being an uptight cunt! Twilight is banned from having anything other than a six-foot long horsie dildo crammed up her ass! Twilight is banned from being such a two-dimensional, boring twat!..."
>As Anon reads out his new list, Twilight is trying hard to buck him off. Sadly, there is no cartoon horsie in cartoon horsie land that bronco-buck the ninja master, and soon Twurple gives up
"Now that's that settled, Twiggles, its time that we ride out to Canterlot, and give Sunny D and Moon Cream Pie a howdy-do!"
>Twilight pants heavily under Anon's weight
"Wha...Why?!"
>Anon pulls out his big ass BB gun, and pumps it to the maximum!
"Because Booty, that's all you need to know...NOW, RIDE MY TRUSTY STEED! FOR ROHAN! FOR GONDOR! FOR CAPITAL LOCK! FOR RUIN!!!"
>Anon gives Twilight's a sharp dig with his heels, causing the ponycorn to neigh on her hind legs, before crashing through the wall of her tree library, together riding out towards the sunset
>Spike could only look out, as monkey boy and purple smart disappears over the horizon.
"I'm gettig too old for this shit..."
>>22220823
All my KEK!
>Anon is not permitted to tell any of his "stories" to anyone, expect a trained professional.
>>22224859
That was a good thread.
Anon is not a sexual tyrannosaurus.
Lyra and Anon are not allowed to discuss whether ponies are "for sexual" or not in public.
Anon is not allowed to use any public restroom.
Anon may not have access to anyponies roof.
The yogurt incident will never be discussed or mentioned again ever.
>>22219267
IT'S A SOUSAPHONE YOU PURPLE ASS!
>>22225850
"The yogurt incident"
HEY that wasn't my fault the god damn Seapony's and the Hydra were the ones who assaulted those ambassadors!
>Anon is banned from taking his shirt off in the winter and erotically juicing lemons with his rock hard nipples.
>>22225944
OR grapefruit by that matter too.
>>22225850
lyra thinks that humans are for sexual
>Anon is banned using bananas to cause mares to run in terror of the dreaded "Yellow Shlong"
>>22225944
>anon is also not allowed to do that with limes either.
>>22225949
Well yeah, but only on Wednesdays.
>Anon is banned from opening a market stand with a sign offering to "locate your prostate - 5 Bits" within city limits.
>>22225944
Well how the fuck else is he supposed to get lemon juice?
>>22225975
Lemonade stands?
>Anon is no longer allowed to "Juice" ponies but publicly and privately.
>Anon is banned from telling ponies his name is Tim Curry, whoever that may be.
>In addition he is not allowed to use the words "warp" and "time" in the same sentence unless they are separated by at least five other words.
>>22225991
>Both
Fuck sticks I can't write while I eat
>>22225991
What about at the same time?
>>22225981
Everybody knows they don't exist outside of 1950s America.
>Anon is no longer allowed to "boop" police officials in order to incapacitate them.
>Anon is banned from performing both the coin on forehead and wooden spoon pranks on ponies, especially princess Luna since the 'incident' that occurred last year.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6EkOXmJC_w
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXPQY_VRP6M
>>22226012
Anon is not allowed to rename police officials. Lock Up and Copper Badge are not called Fudge Packer and Power Bottom.
>>22226051
What exactly is a power bottom? I'm not really all that up on gay terminology.I'd google it but I have a feeling you guys can tell me in more amusing ways.
>>22219458
>Anon is banned from book club for giggling incessantly at the word 'plot'
See now this is a ban I can get behind.
No, seriously, I fucking hate when people use the world plot to mean ass. It was moderately chuckleworthy the first time I saw it and then after that it instantly became pure cancer.
>>22226061
Well you know how gay guys have sex in the butt right? When two gays meet and are interested in having sex, they must find out whom is the stronger gay to take lead in bed. So they will take turns inserting their weiners into each others butts with the gay on the receiving end trying to man-handle (that's where this term comes from; trying to dominate your gay lover's 'man-handle' with your sphincter). The gay with the strongest anal control or 'the power bottom', takes the lead in gay sex, while the other gay, 'the pixie bum' is the gayer gay in bed.
>If Anon is seen at a hospital telling people about "Penis Inspection Day" he is to be detained immediately.
>>22226153
Well. I learned something new.
But will this ever be useful to me in the future?
>>22226153
>Anonymous is no longer allowed to tell Twilight Sparkle facts about his home-world, no matter their validity.
>>22226163
Yes, It will. Should you be confronted by an aggressive gay trying to become a power bottom, you'll know what you have to do to effectively make him your pixie bum bitch.
Start doing kegal exercises, squats and cucumber insertions now to practice.
>>22226198
>exercise
Eww
>>22219267
>As of today from the Town of Appleloosa, Anon is hereby banned from the Salt Flock for repeatedly unscrewing all 256 tops of salt shakers.
>Due to many reports of disturbing the peace by shouting the phrase, "Praise the Sun faggots", Anon shall not be allowed to set foot outside the streets of Ponyville between the hours of 0430-0930.
>For facing multiple charges with littering, trespassing, and vandalizing the Friendship Castle with fecal matter, jars of semen, crumpled Time magazines, and uncooked spaghetti noodles, Anon shall have a restriction order taking in effect as of now, and shall not be allowed near the castle within a 200 meter radius.
>>22219267
>Anon is not allowed to call anypony a "cuck"
>Anon is not allowed to tell ponies to go back to "Le Leddit", which I'm beginning to suspect is a place he just made up
>Anon is not allowed to use the posterior of any pony as a means of communication.
>anon is not allowed to make any more of those shitty "long face" jokes
>>22225997
this one cracked me up
> Anon is not allowed to say "Equestria strong" nor "Remove kebab" while playing an accordion during a visit from representatives of Saddle Arabia
>>22219267
>Anonymous is not allowed to fuck ponies
>Ammendment 1: Anon is allowed to fuck Lyra, and only Lyra since she's been pestering about this 'dumb rule'.
>Ammendment 2: Apparently Rainbow Dash has a thing for animals, who knew? Added her to the whitelist.
>Ammendment 3: Applejack? Really?
>Ammendment 4: I cannot believe even Fluttershy would do this.
>Ammendment 5: Rari-[Rough, angry scribbles]
>Ammendment 6: THE WHOLE CELESTIA DAMNED PONYVILLE.
>Ammendment 7: Twi- [Unintelligible scribbles] SCIENTIFIC RESEARCHERS
>...
>Ammendment 8: Every setient being is on the whitelist.
>>22226469
>Ammendment 8.1: Every sentient being SHOULD be on the whitelist
>Anon is no longer allowed to refer to other bipedal races as "furries"
>Anon is no longer allowed to draw eyes inside triangles
>Anon is no longer allowed to present young fillies as 'waifus for the waifu deity' to the royal guard, Flash Sentry.
>Anon is no longer allowed near fillies.
>implying id obey most of these.
you would be surprised how long im willing to stay in the everfree forest to avoid capture.
>Anon is not allowed to cum inside Rainbow Dash
>>22226514
Okay, that is going to far.
>>22226512
>Anon is no longer allowed to talk about going 'innawoods'.
>>22226521
oh now your just being a cunt. fucking ponies.
>Anon is not the Seventh Element of Harmony, the Element of Hot Monkey Dickings, or any Element of Harmony at all for that reason
>Due to concerns over reformation, Anon is no longer allowed within 50 yards of Discord
>Anon does NOT have a cutie mark, and is banned from asking other ponies if they want to see it
>Anon is no longer allowed to play 'Cave Explorer' with the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
>Oh Celestia, Sweetie Belle...
>Spike, why are you still writing?
>>22219267
>Anon is not to play the tuba under any circumstances
I MEAN ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. You have to Pinkie promise me, Twilight.
>>22226569
any cir
>cum
stances
>>22226585
>Anon is no longer allowed to make crude jokes that Pinkie can not comprehend.
>Anon is not, under any circumstances, allowed in, near or around an aircraft
>>22226618
>Or anything that moves
>>22226626
>or anything that can drop something big on Canterlot, like a bomb.
>>22219267
>>22219458
>>22219460
>>22219621
>>22219777
>>22220069
>>22220267
>>22223988
>>22225944
>>22225960
>>22225961
>>22225967
>>22225991
>>22225997
>>22225997
>>22226012
>>22226044
>>22226157
>>22226170
>>22226211
>>22226266
>>22226281
>>22226309
>>22226407
>>22226469
>>22226507
>>22226509
>>22226514
>>22226521
>>22226534
>>22226594
>>22226618
>>22226626
WTF can anon do then?
>>22226635
>"Fuck me..."
>Celestia puts her quill down, and sets the parchment on her desk
>"And only me"
>Spend the rest of eternity fucking Celestia
>i'mtotallyokaywiththis.jpg
>>22226635
I think he's permitted to bang your mom, but I'm not sure.
>>22226635
ignore their rules in the name of freedom and liberty?
>>22226641
>Anon is no longer allowed to 'bang ur mom bro'. Whatever that is, it just sounds awful.
>>22226642
I'm with this faggot.
>>22226635
>rape
>>22219267
Noted.
Shall we also do something for his weird habit of putting his claws like a "two" pointing left and babbling "rape"?
>>22226655
>>22226658
Hahaha
>>22226658
Yeah, sure. ESPECIALLY that.
>Anon is the only species that must wear clothing at all times.
>Public masturbation is not a form of greeting from Earth. Do not believe him.
>Anon is not to shout 'nice dubs ' or nice 'trips ' when numbers are involved in conversation or visualy.
>Rule 32: Anon must not point towards his left shoulder and shout, "Check 'em" at the top of his voice whenever there are repeating digits.
>Rule 33: Anon mus-
CHECK 'EM
>>22226708
>>22226709
Holy shit that [s4s]mind
>>22226709
...those are no repeating digits, Anon. This is getting pitiful.
>>22226716
>Anon is forbidden from describing trends as "dank memes"
>Anon is forbidden from calling Cranky Doodle Donkey "Steven Pinker"
>Anon is forbidden from telling rude ponies to go back to "bee"
>Anon is ESPECIALLY forbidden from interacting with that little girl who wears the Top Lel hat due to previous destruction caused by the two.
>Anon is not to start his own super hero team to fight the evil "Swole Mole." Bulk Biceps is still undergoing therapy after last time.
If I may interject...
>anon should restrain himself from saying "aeiou" "john madden" "holla holla get dolla" "football"
>>22226709
This is gonna take awhile.
>Under no circumstances is anon allowed to stuff his face into Princess Celestia's flank. The previous abused excuse of "basking in that glorious sun" is no longer considered valid.
>Anon should also stop harrassing Princess Luna with those weird 'gaming consoles' of him: she's clearly not interested.
>Anon is also forbidden from getting any "Gaming earphone" in the royal castle.
>>22226722
CHE
>>22226733
CK
>>22226744
'EM
>Anon is forbidden from mocking Fillydelphian sports teams
>Anon is forbidden from laughing at the school's janitor due to his job being purely volunteer work.
>Anon is forbidden from repeatedly shouting "GIDDY UP" at soccer matches.
>Anon is banned from asking Princess Luna to marry him. You left her standing at the alter three times Anon. That isn't funny!
Uh, Twi? We ran out of paper...
>anon is allowed to cuddle ponies
>anon is NOT allowed to cuddle ponies while nude
>anon's dick is not a joy stick
>anon is no longer allowed to say "but mah stamina" when conversing about sexual intercourse
>anon can not send anypony dragon dildos
>Anon is forbidden from harrassing any more the poor Time Turner with silly request about a thing named "tardis" and his supposed romantic involvement with Ms. Derpy Hooves, or Ms. Roseluck, or Ms. Lyra Heartstrings, or Ms. Twilight Sparkle.
>Anon should restrain from kidnapping Dinky Doo and taking her to Ms. Derpy Hooves; her parents are getting very nervous about this.
>Anon is not allowed to ask Snowflake "Do you even lift?"
Anon is not allowed to refer to any part of a ponies anatomy as "fuzzy." He is also banned from rubbing "tum tums" or referring to hooves as "clippity cloppers."
>Anon is forbidden from wearing a white mask and 'haunt' Everfree forest.
>Anon is forbidden to spread folklore about 'Slenderman'
>Anon is not allowed to make custom clothing orders without approval from at least two of the following: Princess Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia, or Princess Luna. Princess Cadence is not allowed to approve clothing orders due to the yogurt incident.
>>22226760
>>22226762
>>22226760
Especially
>Anon is forbidden from laughing at the school's janitor due to his job being purely volunteer work.
10/10 my sides are in orbit
>Anon is not allowed to set up a unicorn horn polishing business
>Anon may no longer ask ponies "If they see why kids love Vinnamon Crunch"
>Especially blind ponies, it hurts them.
>Anon is no longer allowed to go into philosophical debates with any being, including Discord
>Anon is no longer allowed to say the phrase "Life is a perception of your own reality"
>Anon is no longer allowed to meditate. We don't know why he's doing it but the fact he does it in place of sleeping and seems to act a whole lot more sedate and always carries a peaceful smile on his face, is starting to freak everypony out
>Anon is no longer allowed to apologize for past grievances the recipient had no idea had happened
>Anon is no longer allowed to grow a beard longer than 2 inches in length
>Anon is no longer allowed to go into any mountainous location without notifying more than three of his current caretakers, while we enjoyed a month long break from his antics, not seeing him after two months made us worry he had escaped
>Anon is no longer allowed to "Ascend into his planar form" How he managed to circumvent the laws of thermogy and modern magic, is a terrifying prospect, especially when Discord appeared with a tear in his eye saying "They grow up so fast."
>Celestia is no longer allowed to encourage Anon to "Ascend" in order to have a male Alicorn around. Regardless of the number of genitalia he is able to grow. Its just weird and there is no documented cases of Alicorn pregnancies. Its better that we don't take the risk.
...
>Anon is forbidden to use his ascended form to sexually subdue major threats to Equestia, even though they were half way across the globe in Tartarus. Him saying the reason he knew about it before everybody else being "Psh, I'm like Superman, I know when I'm needed," is a frightening prospect. And while we appreciate him helping Chrysalis feed her hive for the next... Wow... Undetermined amount of time, there are proper channels needed to be taken in these events.
...
>Chrysalis is forbidden from transforming into Princess Twilight to repeal Anon's regulations
>As well as for roleplaying with Anon
>This extends to sexual relations
>Anon is no longer able to visit Rainbow Dash's residence, the neighbours are troubled by Anon's frenzied pleas to let her come inside prior ban.
>Anon is not permitted to administer to one Pinkamina Diane Pie any substance which has yet to be identified by ponykind.
>Anon is not allowed to shout 'FUCKING ZIGGERS' everytime Zecora passes by
>>22226114
>now this is a ban I can get behind
>behind
You can't fool me! I know you're Carlos!
So fuck you Carlos!
>Let the following actions, if committed by the human Anon Y. Mous, be punishable by an immediate confinement to Our bedch- er... the bedchambers of Princess Cadance:
>1. Any public display of affection for any mare other than Princess Cadance.
>2. Prolonged eye-contact with any mare other than Princess Cadance.
>3. Conversation in excess of 60 seconds with any mare other than Princess Cadance.
>4. Attempting to evade or refuse Princess Cadance's summons for...'Love Assessment Sessions'.
>5. Attempting to deny the Princess of Love her royal privileges on the grounds that she is 'married'. Provisions in the marriage have been reached recently which will accommodate both Anon and Shiny-poo...erhem...Shining Armor.
>6. Anon will love his most favorite princess. It may not be easy, and he may not enjoy it immediately...but he will love me...and only me...
>>22219267
>Anon must realize that unicorn horns do not double as a wine bottle opener
>>22227151
So anon is cucking Shining?
>>22227164
I tried to make it seem like Shining was a participant in some of those sessions.
Or in a particularly bad situation, Anon goes in Cadance...and Shining goes in Anon. Either way, point is that this is a clearly undesirable situation.
>>22226717
the check 'em refers to the rule numbering in that specific post read the post again with the rule numbers included.
How many of you would become memelords if you were suddenly transported to Equestria?
>>22228233
>dubs
the power of repeating numerals dictates it's mandatory memelord status for all now.Epin as fug :-DD
>>22219267
Anon is under no circumstances to be left alone with his "waifu", lest his/her wellbeing be put at risk.
>None of the rules for Anon's behavior apply to Trixie. Seriously Anon, go nuts.
>>22228333
>Trips
>Anon is not allowed to offer anypony "freshly glazed ponuts"
>>22228547
>Anon is no longer allowed tJOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN FOOTBALL LELELELELELEL ANON IS BEST HUMAN AND TWIGLIT SPRKL WANTS HIS DONG EPAND INSIDE HER ANON WUZ HERE! 2015 >rape
>>22228872
>Anon is prohibited from writing of any sort.
>Anon is prohibited from entering the castle.
>Anon is prohibited from making accusations of sexual attraction regarding said party and the Princess of Magic: Twilight Sparkle. No matter how true they may or may not be.
>Anon is not to make light of ponies being 'big guy's, or 'for you'.
>>22227035
Love that Celestia got involved in one of these
>>22226407
This one made me laugh
>>22226543
>Anon is no longer allowed to play 'Cave Explorer' with the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
I fucking lost
>>22227035
>>Chrysalis is forbidden from transforming into Princess Twilight to repeal Anon's regulations
>>As well as for roleplaying with Anon
>>This extends to sexual relations
Bugbutt is best waifu
>>22227096
if sugar is anything to go off of,i really want to see pinkie pie of well,everything. not sure ponyville would survive, but thats part of the fun!
>>22219267
>Anon is not allowed to use the alias 'Doctor Bright'
>>22229211
>Anon is no longer allowed to punch pony while shouting out "FALCON PUNCH"
>Anon is allowed to go to the human world to beat up flash sentry.
> However Anon is no longer allowed to hit on sunset shimmer ( SHE'S MY WAIFU YOU HEAR?)
>Anon is no longer allowed to bring stand arrows into Equstria ( it was already bad enough that Diamond tiara got a weird little ghost follow around her)
>Anon is no longer allowed to Dress up as this shulk guy and bash ponys head with a red painted stick while shouting out "now its shulk time" and " I'm really felling it."
>Anonymous is no longer allowed to assign any day the value or descriptive word "Taco"
>Especially any day beginning with the letter "T"
>Anonymous is no longer allowed to ask to 'rent a flying chariot' to 'do donuts'.
>Hand drawn pictures of Celestia on wooden disks are not legal currency.
>Anonymous is banned from going to any ticket booth at the Ponyville Train Station and requesting a ticket for "Hogwarts", "District 1", "The Sprawl", "The Regrooving Center", "Zamboanga", or "Petticoat Junction".
>Sticking an ice cream cone upside down on your forehead does not make you a unicorn.
>Anon is no longer allowed to hold discussion with any member of the diamond dog race without supervision
>While conversing with diamond dogs under supervision, Anon is not to make reference to one "David Bowie", nor to inform any listening parties that "Ziggy Stardust was better"
>Anon is not to engage in unwanted physical contact with a diamond dog under any circumstances, even for "scritches" or "tummy rubs"
>This goes double for "red rockets"
>Anon is forbidden from talking to any member of the breezie species without supervision
>while conversing with one or more breezies under supervision, Anon is not to use the word "bork" in any context (we don't know what it means, but it is apparently considered rude in breezie culture
>while conversing with one or more breezies under supervision, Anon is not to suggest that they perform the action of "smurfing", describe something as "smurfy" or "smurfed", or address any breezie as a "smurf"
>the above ban applies to the term "snork" and all variants, as well
>Anon may not describe any breezie as "toyetic"
>Anon is not to converse with the ponies known as Flim or Flam without direct supervision
>While conversing with these ponies under supervision, the following topics are disallowed:
>Ponzi schemes
>pyramid schemes
>placebo effect
>blackmail sales
>sale of musical instruments
>sale of music lessons
>sale of band uniforms
>>22229485
>anon is no longer allowed to talk about technological advancements with the flim flam brothers.
>anon is also no longer allowed to advance technology.
>anon is not allowed to invent anything.
>Anon is banned from referring to Corporal Flash Sentry as "Brad". He is an NCO of the Solar Guard and is to be treated with respect.
>Corporal "Brad" is no more respectful
>Anon is not to trivialize Princess Twilight's Experiences across the Portal, even if the beings there are "Not real humans"
>Anon is banned from referring to any chariot driven by Corporal Bra-
Fuck..
>...Corporal Flash Sentry as a "Bradillac."
>>22229567
>Bradillac
>Anon is no longer allowed to take part in any non-formal dates with any pony that is not Princess Luna.
>Anonymous is prohibited from any sort of non-platonic relationship with Princess Luna.
>You're not my real sister. Mother always gave you everything. You were adopted, that's why you're light pink. You have bad morning breath. I'm going to eat your dinner when I wake up. I hope you fall down.
>Princess Luna is no longer allowed to make official decrees.
>>22227035
>Anon is forbidden from directly interacting with Queen Chrysalis in any shape or form
>parental visitation no longer counts as an excuse (changeling populations have already gone up by 15% since he "subdued" her)
>>22229241
>Anon is not allowed to ask any magical being to replicate an anomalous item contained by the SCP Foundation
>Especially not 183, 682, or any Keter or Euclid-class item
>Anon is not allowed to speak to Princess Celestia about creating an Equestrian SCP Foundation equivalent
>Anon is not allowed to have any construction permits after when he tried to reconstruct Site 19 last week
>While we appreciate the economic benifts it might bring, Equestria will not switch to paper currency due to Anon's hijinks.
>Anon is no longer allowed to print anything.
>Anon is banned from requesting pictures of Spiderman from passing photograpers
>Anon is banned from owning any tobacco product.
>Anon is banned from smoking anything
>Anon is banned from the pharmacy
>>22229877
>banned from owning any tobacco product
>banned from smoking anything
>banned from the pharmacy
>>22229909
>Anon is not allowed to refer to the Badlands as 'Changeling Country'
>>22229877
>>22229909
wow fuck you Lavender Lecture. god damn no funs allowed. you try and stop me.
>Anon is no longer allowed to greet Changelings by yelling 'Ayy Lmao',whatever that means.
>Anon can no longer advocate for Zebras with the argument that they are dindoonoffings, we still investigating about this fact.
>Anon is also banned from trying to start a "legitimate" business that contains the words "Pone, poner, ponut, horsecok, >rape, horse pills, Twilight approved, and Sunny D.
>You aren't Flim and/or Flam, you little crap.
>>22219267
>If Anon is caught selling any substance resembling:
>White Powder
>Green Leaves
>Pills
>Mushrooms
>Liquids
>Aeresols
>Glue
>Cigarettes
>Or Syringes to any pony, he is to be detained in the Crystal Palace Dungeon correctional facility for 8 months (Higher if the substances resemble "Blue and Yellow Purple Pills").
>>22230593
>"Let it be known amongst the charges against one Mr. Anon Y. Mous, are as follows: A trip to mushroom mountain, once or twice but whose countin'. He thought he was Incredible and killed The Hulk..- Your Honor, do I HAVE to read all these?"
>>22219267
>>22224859
Has there actually ever been any funny ones of these?
>Anon CAN'T dance if he wants to.
>He CANNOT leave his friends behind.
>>22231253
>Anon's friends don't dance
>There's no chance
>There are no friends of mine
>>22219267
>Anon is absolutely not allowed to read anything in relation to cupcakes.
>Anon is forbidden from mentioning cupcakes in ANY context.
>Anon is strictly forbidden from coming within 20 feet of a cupcake without supervision.
>Anon is not allowed to spread rumors as to the composition of the cupcakes made in Sugarcube Corner.
>>22231403
Okay. I think I just created an /r9k/ theme song...
https://youtu.be/AjPau5QYtYs
Lyrics:
We can feel if we want to, we can leave no friends behind.
Cause your friends aren't real and if they're not real,
Well they're are no friends to feel...
I REEEEE, we can go where we want to, A place where normies never find...
And we can act like we come from out of this world,
Leave the real one far behind...
And we can feel...
Ah we can go when we want to, the night is empty, so am I...
And we can dress real NEET, from fedoras to our feet,
And surprise 'em with the feely cry...
I REEEEE, we can feel if want to... If we don't nobody will.
And you can act real >rude and totally removed,
And I can act like I cannot feel...
I REEEEEE, we can feel, we can feel, everything is out of control...
We can feel, we can feel there's normies here wall to wall...
We can feel, we can feel everybody rope in your hands...
We can feel, we can feel everybody's missed the last chance...
Feely dance
Oh well the feely dance
Ah yes the feely dance
We can dance if we want to, we waste all your life and mine...
As long as we abuse it, we're gonna lose it,
Everything won't work out right...
I REEEEEE, we can feel if we want to, we can leave no friends behind.
Cause your friends aren't real and if they're not real ,
Well they're are no friends to feel...
I REEEEEE, we can feel, we can feel, everything is out of control...
We can feel, we can feel, there's normies here wall to wall...
We can feel, we can dance everybody rope in your hands.
We can feel, we can feel, everybody's missed the last chance...
Oh Well the feely dance
Ah yes the feely dance
Oh well the feely dance
Oh well the feely dance
Oh yes the feely dance
Oh the feely dance yeah
Oh it's the feely dance
It's the feely dance
Well it's the feely dance
Oh it's the feely dance
Oh it's the feely dance
Oh it's the feely dance
Oh it's the feely dance
>>22231757
>anon is banned from writing silly theme songs
>>22229567
>Bradillac
It's people like you who make it hard to browse in class
>>22219267
Anon is not allowed to fuck horse
>>22231757
Fucking capped
>>22227179
Please repeat what's undesirable about that situation? I think you missed a sentance or something.
>>22219267
I feel like halfway through this thread people forgot what this was supposed to be about: Ie not their monkey dick and over poweredness, but rather one person's cleverness and pathological desire to prank getting them into legal trouble.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Blog/ThingsMrWelchIsNoLongerAllowedToDoInAnRPG
>>22232347
>Anon is banned from having any fun
>>22232247
>anon is not allowed to fuck ponys
>anon is no longer permitted to shout "420 blaze it faggot" as a reply to any question
>>22229211
Anon is not allowed to seize any magical item due to it being 'anomalous'
>Anon is not allowed anywhere near a microphone, after yelling "Fuck her right in the pussy" and running away at a public event.
>Anonymous is prohibited from shouting "FUCK DA PO-LEECE!"
>Anonymous is not allowed to kick guards trying to arrest him.
>Anonymous is banned from shouting "FALCON KICK!" while kicking a guard.
>Anonymous is to submit to any guards arresting them.
>Anonymous is not allowed to break these cuffs.
>Anonymous is banned from taking "selfies" while running from the guards.
>Anonymous should not choose between which kids to save, if they are not in any danger, even if they are his kids.
>Anonymous is to be denied the right to adopt.
>Anonymous is not allowed to call himself "This one," preceding an opinion.
>Anonymous is not to refer himself in the 3rd person.
>Anonymous is prohibited from saying anypony has "shit taste" in opinions, even if they are bad.
>Anonymous is not allowed to to shout at ponies randomly.
>Anonymous is prohibited from shouting "Funk you, nugger." when asked if he needs help.
>Anonymous is not a Captain of a Pirate Ship.
>Anonymous does not work on a Pirate Ship.
>Anonymous is not allowed to work on ANY Equestrian ship.
>Anonymous is not a Pirate Lord.
>Please refrain from asking Anonymous about his, "Ninth piece of Eight."
>Anonymous is not allowed to show his "Ninth piece of Eight."
>Anon is not allowed to shout "ALLAHU ACKBAR" in any place whatsoever.
>>22234056
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42JQYPioVo4
>>22228233
Honestly, I'd probably fit in pretty well. Secure income, then sort out housing and where I source all my essentials (apples are tasty, but I need some protein & carbs in my diet... And Rara makes bitching clothes to custom specifications, but designer wear is pricey, unless she gives a huge discount for being an unignorable walking advertisement) and then just hang out & have a good time. Study magic, maybe take up smithing again. I'd be tempted to take up monster hunting, but half of Humanity Fuck Yeah stems from groups of us, so I'd probably die in short order if I tried to solo anything.
tl;dr not me, I'd be chill aside from some hot blood.
>Anon is not allowed to be near Discord, for fear of him using any powers of chaos to either remove all restrictions or to be able to sleep with Celestia. Both of which would result in more issues.
>>22233951
kekkety
>>22219777
>>22219927
>>22219977
Wonder if there is any good fic about alcoholic Anon, and the ponies desperately trying to prevent a tailspin.
>Anon is not allowed to bring a banana to Ponyville Bank, or ANY bank for that matter, and try to rob it.
>Anon is not allowed near ponies while having the substance he calls "Hand Sanitizer", after one pony ended up in the hospital after Anon clapped, spraying it in hi eyes.
>Anon is not allowed to give Pinkie Pie the substance known as cocaine. Seriously, what the fuck was he thinking?
>Anon is not allowed to discuss the story he calls "Shrek is Love, Shrek is Life."
>Anon is not a sexual tyrannosaur.
>Anon may not use any terms relating to genitalia, or anything sexual for that matter, around fillies.
>Anon may not, under ANY circumstances, go near a can of whipped cream, or anything that has whipped cream on it.
>Anon is not allowed to even ATTEMPT to cook.
>Anon may not go near Fluttershy without supervision.
>Anon is not allowed to speak of the website 4chan, EVER.
>Anon is not to fish after "the incident."
>Anon is not allowed to foalnap Fluttershy for the sake of taming predatory animals.
>Anon is not allowed to use "science for the Science God" as an excuse.
>Anon is not allowed to refer to Twilight as the Science God
>Anypony receiving presents from Anon is advised to do so with extreme caution. Even if he tells you "Pinkie asked me to give it to you."
>>22229485
>sale of musical instruments
>sale of music lessons
>sale of band uniforms
this made my horrible day a little brighter
>>22226764
'That's Not an Excuse Spike, Use your Scales'
>'DAMMIT! GET OUT ANON!'
'Hello to you To, Bookhorse.'
>>22234653
http://pastebin.com/PiYKnRdh
Somewhat related
Dear God I Love this Thread....
>Anonymous is not allowed to Say the Quote ' I THOUGHT THIS WAS MURICA' in defense to any arrest
>Anonymous not allowed to use jokes Involving the Word 'kek' whatsoever. (We are unaware of the Meaning, but we have reason to believe it is a form of racist remark toward Ponies.)
>Anonymous is Banned from any Book club, whatsoever
>Anonymous may not enter any Library without supervision
>Anonymous may not refer to Publishers as 'Writefags'
>Anonymous may not address publishers in the process of creating work and Say; 'Speed it up writefag, I'm losing my Boner'
>Anonymous is to be ignored if he mentions anything about a "legion"
>Anonymous is not allowed within 100 hooves of foals.
>Anonymous is not allowed to purchase lubricant of any sort.
>Anonymous is not allowed to be given any lubricant under any circumstances.
>Anonymous does not, and will never have a date. This is the most common excuse to acquire lubricant.
>Anonymous is not allowed to own a tub.
>Anonymous is not allowed to fill any tub with lubricant.
>Anonymous is banned from the furniture stores.
>Anonymous is not to be fed after mid-night.
>Anonymous is not to be trusted when he says he is hungry anywhere after mid-night.
>Anonymous is not allowed to ask why a pony would be given a shot before being thrown out of a "plane".
>Anonymous is not allowed to ask ponies if he can remove their manes and that if he does they might die.
>Anonymous is not allowed to tell ponies that it would be extremely painful if he removes their mane.
>Side note: he may replace "painful" with "baneful", charges pressed against him will remain the same no matter which word is used.
>Anonymous is not allowed to tell ponies that they are large, some ponies will take offence to this.
>Anonymous is not allowed to use the letter "U" and the number "Four" in the same sentence.
>Anonymous is not allowed anything that may start a fire, this includes any sort of stone. (He is creative)
>Anonymous is also not allowed to exclaim that any fire is rising.
>Anonymous is not allowed to scare ponies.
>Anonymous is not allowed to tell ponies that; during the time they are scared, they should not be, because that time comes later.
>Anonymous is not allowed to own a grappling hook.
>Anonymous is not allowed to ask why some ponies may wear masks.
>under any sircumstances anonymous is not aloud to acociate >with the group knows the RUSSIAN paratroopers due to last weeks >incident with the minitars
>anon is also not alloud to call in katyusha barrages,yell Mosin is best >rifle in public, and anon is not alloud to keep these so called "state secrets"
>Anonymous is expressly forbidden from shouting secrets of an intimate nature into a megaphone, even if Zecora needs to cultivate Seeds of Truth
>Anonymous is expressly forbidden from relabeling paints, fabrics, mascara, etc. "to see how long it takes Rarity to notice"
>Anonymous is expressly forbidden from attempting to use dragon's fire to start campfires; in the event this decree is disobeyed, he will be shipped to Canterlot to clean the mess himself
>Anonymous is expressly forbidden from getting himself sent to Canterlot as punishment in order to harass the Princesses
>Anonymous is expressly forbidden from imitating percussion instruments in the presence of Zebras, regardless of the "illness" or "nastiness" of his "beats"
>Anonymous is expressly forbidden from challenging others to, or officiating over, any pegasus race without examination of the course to ensure air stability; fines for disobedience of this decree will cover all tornado-, hurricane- and water-spout-based property damage
>Anonymous is NOT forbidden from making bear puns in the presence of forest inhabitants, but neither is he ensured guard intervention when said inhabitants express their displeasure
>While occasionally valid, Anonymous' objections to classifying magical constructs such as cragodiles or timberwolves in the kingdom animalia should be done in writing, NOT BY REARRANGING MY BOOKS
>>22237208
to harass the Princesses
>Anonymous is expressly forbidden from imitating percussion instruments in the presence of Zebras, regardless of the "illness" or "nastiness" of his "beats"
Fuckin got me.
>Anon is banned from page 10.
>>22229829
Fucking love SCP
>Anon is not allowed to sell, rent or give weapons to anyone.
>Anon is not allowed to give instructions on weapon handling.
>Anon is not allowed to give instructions on weapon maintenance.
>Anon is not allowed to give military training
>Anon is not allowed to give courses in military strategy
>In addition, he is not allowed to do any of the above speaking broken English with a thick foreign accent.
>Anon is not allowed to refer to himself or anyone else as "Ivan" or Strelnikov".
>Anon is not allowed to "Remove dirty Chechens".
>Anon is not allowed to "Remove Kebab".
>Anon is not allowed to rally an army to "fight for the motherland" despite his hounorable intentions.
>>22228233
Yknow what? Yeah, I totally would. I'd think it was hilarious that no one knew what I was talking about. It'd be like speaking a whole different language.
>>22226722
>"Gee, it's like you ponies don't even want to have fun"
>>22234056
>Anon is not allowed to shout any variant of "ALLAHU AKBAR" either: from Aloha Snackbar to Ayylmao Ackbar
>Anon is not allowed to shout or have any religious faith at all. This also refers to the emendament that forbids him from "praising the sun" >>22226211
>>22239800
fucken lost
>>22227164
>Anon is not allowed to refer to Shining Armor as "Moot"
>Only Corporal Flash Sentry may use the term "Moot" to refer to Shining Armor and only in presence AND with the permission of princess Cadence
>Anon is banned from making a weird neutral face whenever the word 'feel' pops up in conversations.
Law 68: No Equestrian library is allowed to accept contributions from writers called Anonymous
Law 69: Booping is strictly forbidden unless a pony has given permission to be booped.
Law 70: Motorboating is not a sport
Law 70a: Arguing about law 70 is a crime which shall be punished with a fine of up to 25 bits.
>In addition to "praising the sun", Anon may not "praise the moon" as well as call Luna Moonbutt.
>>22220823
>I'm getting too old for this shit
Topkekaroo
>Anon is not allowed to ask anypony for assistants by producing and sell a substance called 'methamphetamine' which he got the idea from a 'show'.
> Anon is not aloud to refer to any pony as a "Pleb" or other variants of the term.
>Anon is not allowed to shake his fists in the air while shouting
>Anon is not allowed to refer to himself as "Dan"
>Anon is not allowed to refer to Spike, Fluttershy, or Twilight Sparkle as "New Chris"
>Anon is no longer allowed to shout "Choppa her wings down" in the presence of Twilight Sparkle
>Anon is banned from asking if mayonnaise is anything other than a condiment
>1-Anon and Discord are not allowed to interact without the presence of a responsible pony
>1.1- Pinkie Pie doesn't count as a responsible pony
>2- Anon is not allowed to answer to any question with 'Lurk more fagget'.
>3-Anon is not allowed to pester any Prench pony with the phrase 'Ommelet du frommage'
>4-Anon is not allowed to call any mare his 'waifu'.
>5-Anon is to be kept away from the sperm bank at all times. We all know what happened 3 months ago.
>Anon is not allowed to say the phrase "Danger Zone"
>Anon is not allowed to say the word "phrasing"
>Anon is not allowed to add an unnecessary letter 's' to the end of any word
>Anon is not allowed to play a guitar
>Anon is not allowed to pretend he is playing a guitar
>Anon is not allowed to refer to anything as "brutal"
>>22219267
>Anonymous is not to be left around fillies, as he promises them enormous power if they make a contract with him
>Anonymous is not to make compare the power of friendship to a high-output beam cannon, regardless of how apt the comparison may be
>Anonymous is not to encourage fillies to have "a determination to fist"
>Addendum: Anonymous is not to use "a determination to fist" as a pick-up line.
>Anon is not allowed to shout "It's time to d-d-d-d-duel!" at anyone.
>Anon is not allowed to screw any rules. He does not actually have money.
>Anon is not to attempt to "catch 'em all"
>Anonymous is not allowed near welding equipment
>Anonymous is not allowed to host a gathering of more than 10 ponies at a time
>Anonymous is not allowed to hire people to create "dakka" for him
>Anonymous is no longer allowed to yell "WAAAGH"
>Anonymous is not to be allowed near red paint
1. Anon is not allowed near the Royal Armory under any circumstances.
2. Anon is not allowed to "borrow" weapons and armor from the Royal Armory.
2a. Anon is not allowed to commission weapons and armor from the Royal Armory.
2b. Anon is not allowed to gather materials and part for armor and weapons.
3. Anon is not allowed to "borrow" cats from Fluttershys cottage to help him with "monstah huntan".
3a. Anon is not allowed to rename any cats (or pets for that matter). This includes naming any pets "Biggie and Smalls".
4. Anon is not allowed within the Everfree Forest to "hunt monstahs".
>If anon claims something is his fetish he is banned from it
>Addendum: Anon is banned from saying something is his fetish
>Anon is not allowed to play watersports or be in a pool
>Anon is not allowed to help with Winter Wrap-Up
>Anon is not allowed to participate in spontaneous songs
>Anon is not allowed to name foals
>Anon is not allowed to make up nicknames for ponies
>Anon is not allowed to refer to anyone as "mate"
>Anon is not allowed to wear costume, give out candy, go outside or otherwise participate in Nightmare Night
>Anon is not allowed to participate in the Sisterhooves Social
>Anon cannot be a special somepony nor be outside on Hearts and Hooves Day.
>Anon is not allowed to say "I'll stuff your stocking."
>Anon is not allowed outisde on Hearthswarming Eve
>>22245456
One step too far, twilot.
>anon is not allowed to use or carry firearms of any kind
>anon is not to yell "CHEEKI BREEKI" in public
>anon is not allowed to wear a gas mask unless permitted during an emergency
If any of these laws are broken in combination the charges will be doubled in severity, or tripled if all 3 occur at once.
>>22219267
>Anon is not allowed to get 'Gets' specifically 5.
>Anon is also not allowed to proclaim "victory is mine!" when winning anything espeially when getting 'Gets'.
>Anon is also not allowed to give himself self proclaim titles such as the "King of Gets" anon is not royalty or an alicorn no matter how much he insists he is superior.
>Anon is also not allowed to threaten ponies by sending them to the "Shadow realm" stop scaring fillies anon you don't have any magical powers.
>>22245837
Don't have any magical powers eh?
Where is spike then hmmmm?>You just locked him in the closet.
>Anon is not allowed to refer to ponies as "Comrade"
>Anon is not allowed to give pkm's to foals
>Anon is not allowed to talk about the "motherland"
>Anon is no longer allowed to interact with the Earth Pony known as Berry Punch.
>>22245673
Which step?
>Anon is allowed to use the public restroom/bathroom. However, He will need permission to everypony who own the bathroom he has a capacity of a time limit no more than 2 minutes, especially taking a shower, due the fact that Anon took very long in the bathroom and came out with Playcolt magazines. The public will be notified about this everywhere in Equestria.
>Speaking of Playcolts, Anon is also not allowed to own any kinds of pornographic magazines from any store who sells those perverted magazines and anypony own those magazines shall not lend it to Anon.
Aw come on, Twilight. Don't do this me. This is fucking bullshit! Am I not suppose to do any those kind of things ever since I got here to Equestria?! Your not making this fair for a human! I thought this world is friendly. I'm telling you, you ponies are being descrimniative to humans. Whatever happened to the Poison Joke thing you told me about? "World of Magic of Friendship," my ass.
>>22246742
>Anon may not say "my ass"
>anon is not, under any circumstances, allowed to carry, or in any way own, any form of adhesive
>anon is not a licensed distributor of adhesives, and all claims to the contrary (no matter how professional the approach) are to be ignored
>especially the claims about "product demonstrations." Fluttershy's ceramic animal collection is also to be removed from her ceiling, as are the numerous and now immobile coins on Twilight's desk, once suitable amounts of acetone have been obtained.
>this ban now extends to all forms of tape, including scotch, packing, and duct
>Fluttershy's ceiling is to be checked for Fluttershy herself if anon is seen with duct tape
>anon is not to approach the elderly with "A great job opportunity at the glue factory"
>>22246742
>Anon is no longer allowed to complain about the Princess of Friendship's innerworkings
>Anon is no longer allowed into any park containing alligators because of the incident 2 weeks ago. We even had to post signs.
>>22246840
>Fluttershy's ceiling is to be checked for Fluttershy herself if anon is seen with duct tape
fuck
>>22246840
>Anon if nah awod fo own mafkf, eifu.
>>22247029
I'm assuming that sign means "molest" as in "bother." But it's still kind of funny.
>>22247102
Yeah, it does.
>Anon is restricted to go to any dragon's cave due to the incident where Anon attempts to raid treasure from a dragon's horde which it got very angry and terrorize the residents of Ponyville. We had manage to have Fluttershy scold the dragon for scaring everypony, including Anon for stealing some of the dragon's treasure.
>>22247370
REMEMBER! My name is ANON!
>Anon is banned from assembling ponies to form a dungeon raid party.
>Anon is not a level 25 wizard.
>All ponies are to disregard any claims made by anonymous about grinding for xp.
>Anon is not allowed to fuck anyone here
>Anon is not to download "Bonzi Buddy", Or we will all die.
Bumping!
>anon is banned from saying "bump" during pauses in conversations
>>22246436
FUCK YOU, TWINKS!!!
>>22219267
>Anon isn't allowed to use "steel beams" and "jet fuel" in the same sentence, no matter the reason.
>Anon is not allowed to refer to Pumpkin Cake and Pound Cake as "newfag" and "samefag"
>>22254265
Lost it
>anon is banned from telling stories about the "skullkids" within the everfree forest. It traumatizes applebloom for some reason.
>anon is banned from mentioning "the blanks" around applebloom
>Anonymous is not allowed to wear a Colt Fawkes mask and scream "AM LEGION. NO 4GIVE. NO 4GET."
>Anonymous is not allowed near autistic people and fling spaghetti at them.
>>22230704
>Also, if he describes any object, pony or event as "Dumber than Vanilla Ice tryna rap again", kill him on sight.
>>22257096
>He is also hereby banned from attending raves looking like a slave high off 'chronic'.
>>22219267
>>Anon is not allowed to shout "That's what she said" during public events.
Anon is not allowed to use this thread to make bingo cards for whatever happens during the S5 premiere at BABSCon.
