>Anon please help me get up!
>>22063715
I want Anon to go around and tip ponies over.
>>22063715
I would pick that pony up and hold her and say it's fine and put her back on her feet.
>rape
>>22063715
Nothing a thumb in the butt won't cure
Do the kicksy-hoofsies. Do it.
>>22063715
>once on their back, ponies cannot get up on their own due to their disproportionate anatomy
>>22061888
According to this faggot, they would make these noises if rubbed their tummies while they lay there.
>>22063910
Now to be fair there isn't much a thumb in the butt can't fix.
>>22063788
Only right answer.
>>22063715
That will be 40 bits.
>>22063715
you do not simply pick up a pony that has been put on its back.
You must apply some bellyrubs and cuddles first, then after hoofy-kicking has ceased, and pony is relaxed, you may pick them up, cuddle them, and release them to let them go about about their daily business.pony picker-upper is a full-time job you know
>>22065861
I charge 40 bits, what is your business model for pony picking service ?
>>22065869
Anon must wear his pony picking-up uniform at all times, he patrols ponyville looking for ponies that are stuck on their backs, or reports of ponies not seeing other ponies for a while, this can sometimes result from ponies home alone that have fallen on their backs, and standard procedure is for every hour on their backs ponies get 10 minutes of cuddles, group-cuddles may be initiated in large-scale pony falling events.
>>22065892
Public government officer or private company job ?
>>22065899
Well it's for the general public so Public pony government, yes
>>22065907
I'm from Ponyron pullup corp.
We pick up ponies who are sending us magical letter for picking up in remote/hostile location, of course, the fee for the picking is adjusted to the danger and terrain in question but base service is about 40 bits coin.
>>22065917
very well, but that only works for unicorns, which is why my upcoming service, Pony pickup inc. specializes in scouts on the ground and in the air for ponies in need of a pickup.
>>22065917
I'm from Ponyup Inc. We pick up ponies for 20bits and give them a free pat on the butt to get them going in the right direction. Terrain and hostility is a none issue and doesn't factor into the flat rate cost. We will run you out of business in no time.
>>22065929
oh fucking hell Bill i told you we weren't supposed to tell competitors our going prices for pony pick-upping/
>>22065922
Your clients are mostly composed of Pegasus and Earth pony kind?
Hmm, maybe I should extent my contact, unicorns are often magical anyways, unless depraved of magical energy, they can get up on their own. We are more for 'urgent' pickup kind of deal.
When there is no hope, we're here !
>>22065929
Ponyup, tsk ! We are the best trained para-picker ! Nothing can stop us, not even the Everfree forest or Tartarus itself ! We'll pickup pony in danger, even under heavy fire ! My para-picker companions are veteran, the best of the best ! I guess, thanks for the heads up tough, we'll adjust.
>>22065938
I was hoping I could scare him out of business and allow us to get more work. You ain't gonna tell the boss man are ya? One more right up and I have to take a stupid training course and do a piss test. Then the boss will know that I'm high half the time I'm out there picking up ponies, and please don't tell him about the free butt slaps, I really just do that for myself.
>>22065959
No wonder why Ponyup inc has so much complaint from clients for 'improper handling'.
Good Intel from my mole.
Ponyron pullup corp. will lead the way of pony picking market !
>>22065979
Due to impending litigation Ponyup Inc has changed their name to Pick'em up pony pick ups. Prior to all lifts ponies are asked to sign a handling waver, and a specialized harness is attached to the pony for proper lifting/righting. Pick ups now cost 25bits to cover the cost of special equipment and paperwork.
>>22066012
I think you are under-estimating the personnel training for the use of the equipment, 16 bits alone just cover the tools for the job, not accounting remuneration nor training cost.
>>22066012
"Ponies can't stop crying. They need more than a little love to see them through. The sun just keeps on shining. When tomorrow comes, ponies picked up for good."
Hi, this is anon with the Pony Pick Up Society. Every day hundreds of ponies get stuck on their back, and are unable to get up without assistance, and the cost of rescue often bankrupt them and their family. For just 20 bits a month, you can help ensure that no pony ever has to make the hard choice between being picked up and feeding their families. The situation is dire, please make your cash donation today.
>>22063715
Why are we having this conversation when ponies getting off their backs on their own is a established canon?
>>22066072
The new harnesses are simple in design and are produced by the Pick'em up company. Sales of the new harness to other businesses insured that they paid for themselves, the 25bit cost of services covers the cost of training but the company isn't doing as well as they were under the Ponyup name.
>>22066116
>no fun allowed
>>22065848
Where would she be keeping those bits?
>>22065832
>>22063788
The bowl of eggs, Anon, don't forget to offer the bowl of eggs.
Bump for pony picking industry green.
I want to make a pone lie down and stop her from getting up. Every time she tried to gain her footing I'd gently press her down and hold her there for a bit, accompanied by public humiliation in form of belly rubbing, hoof tickling and unconsensual booping. She'd beg me to let her go, tears dewing in her eyes, but I'd just keep toying with her for hours.
>>22066647
you are a fucking monster
>>22063746
This has to be a thing.
Writefags pls
>>22063715
no problem, here you can use my dick as a handle
>>22063715
Just roll to the side like a 3dpd horse you dumb bitch
>>22066647
Then rape happens?
>>22063715
>2015
>not using Life Alert
>>22068273She grabs it with her teeth.
>>22063715
cum on her face, walk away
Reposting
>You are Anon, doing your morning jog through ponyville.
>The path you take cuts into Sweet Apple Acres.
>The scenery is nice, plus Applejack said she didn't mind.
>Speaking of Applejack, you found her laying on her back with her hooves moving around like she was swimming.
>A dead pan blank expression is on her face.
>You approach her out of curiosity and stand directly next to her, lowering your head to see her face.
"Uh, Applejack? Ya alright?"
>"Anon! Ah'm so glad t'see you! Haha! I was buckin' apples and Ah kinda fell over."
"...Then get up?"
>She stares at you.
>"...Reeeaaal funny Anon! Haha! Come help me up!"
"What's funny? Can you not get up? How long have you've been here?"
>"Er...", she looks to her side shamefully, "Ah'd say 'bout two hours. Yeah. Three hours."
"You've been laying out here for THREE hours?"
>"Shuddup an' help me consarn it!"
"Wait a minute, WHY didn't you just... get up?"
>"Anon, don't make me say it."
>>22068913
"I have no idea what you're talking about. Just roll over! Come on, AJ..."
>"Anon!" Applejack begins to snivel up. "Ah can't!"
"Why not?"
>"Ah just can't!"
"Just roll over."
>"Ah'm tellin' you! Ah can't!" She begins to cry.
"Why are you crying!?" You yell at her. "Roll over!"
>At that moment, Applejack wildly kicks her hooves in all direction, with no hint at actually rolling over.
>Its like she's having a panic attack.
"Holy shit, stop."
>She stops, scared to look at you now.
>It's quiet now, all you hear is her sniffling.
"Sorry...I'll help you."
>She says nothing and raises her fore hooves, showing a forgiving smile.
>Your hands wrap around beneath them and you pick her up with ease.
>You want to say something, but are worried she'll start crying again.
>"Thanks Anon. Ah could've kicked the bucket right then and there, haha!"
>You still don't say anything.
>You just put her down and she trots away like nothing happpened.
>>22068930
>Sneeze fetish in the tags
The hell
>>22068930
>>22068930
Cute
>>22068930
needs more
>>22071334
this
>Whole Thread
>>22070269
kek
Here's another oldie
>You are helping out Rarity at her boutique.
>A rather large order came in recently, so the both of you have been working nonstop for days.
>Your clothes are rather disheveled, as is Rarity's mane and coat.
>Stray hairs rebelliously stick out here and there in her once perfectly wavy purple mane.
>"Thank you so much for lending a helping hoof in my time of need, Anonymous. I just don't know what I'd do without you."
"Not a problem, Rares," you tiredly say with a grin as you continuing sewing together one of her pieces.
>She begins walking over to the other side of the chaotic room.
>"At this rate, we'll be done by the end of the--WAHAHA!"
>The floor slightly shakes as you hear a soft thud. Turning around, you see a rather shocked Rarity with her back on the floor, her hooves frantically swinging in the air. A roll of cloth lands right next to her, bouncing a little before undoing itself, creating a wide trail of fabric away from its victim.
>"I can't believe that just happened!" she groans as she stops moving her hooves, tucking them close to her body in defeat. "Anonymous, would you be a dear and help a lady up?"
"Come on now, Rares. It would take you just one second to get back on your hooves. And to be frank, I'm a little too tired to get up right now."
>Her face scrunches up as she shoots you a disgruntled look.
>"Don't be silly now, Anonymous. I can't get back to work unless someone like yourself gets me back up."
"Now you're just being childish."
>"Pleeeeease?" she begs with a pout, her eyes shimmering.
"No."
>>22073900
>You turn back to your work, but soon the sound of sniffling reaches your ears.
>Nope. You're not going to do it. She can help herself.
>The sniffling intensifies.
>Still not going to do it.
>After a few minutes, Rarity breaks out into tears, wailing loudly as she frantically kicks the air, rocking hopelessly from side to side.
>With a groan, you cast your glance back to your employer.
"Can you really not get up on your own?"
>Rarity immediately ceases her crying, her snout quivering as she fights back tears. Mascara is running down her visibly distraught face.
>"Mhm," she slowly nods, her eyes pleading.
>You get up and heavily sigh, dragging your feet over to her before bending over and picking her up.
>Her hooves paddle in the air as you reorient her and gently place her back on the ground. She does a small circles as soon as she's back on her hooves.
>"Thank you," she says, her voice back to normal as she wipes away the remaining tears. "I was almost afraid you were going to let me die there."
>You roll your eyes.
"We wouldn't want that to happen, now would we?"
>As you start to walk back to your unfinished piece, a sharp pain stabs into your lower back, causing you to grab it as you grimace. Hunching over dresses all day must've done a number on your body.
>Rarity notices and trots up next to you, visibly concerned.
>"I think that's enough work for today. How about we get some dinner? My treat for being my knight in shining armor."
"Sure," you say with a chuckle as the two of you start to head towards the exit. "I'd love that."
>>22073384
>anon takes a nap in the park
>wakes up to the police, fire and ambulance teams trying to figure out how to get him standing.
>>22074428
Yes. Yes yes yes.
Anon in Equus, all over the national news.
Everyone thinks they're going to lose him
And then, right when the police are about to make their move and tip him over, he wakes up, stands up, and is declared a national heroInb4 anon opens up a class on how to right yourself after falling over.
>>22074804
ponies frantically debate how to right a biped without tipping him over on the other side.
>>22075474
>>22074804
>martial law is declared
>>22074804
>The gang of friends, circle the rectangular hole.
>Each dressed in funeral attire, each with their own distinct style.
>They silently watch, as their beloved Anon is lowered by a white sheet into the ground.
>As the sheet finally makes contact with the bottom, ponies begin to toss roses into and around the hole.
>Suddenly, a loud sneeze echos from the hole.
>Anons groggy voice can be hear from the bottom.
"Whuh..."
>The group of friends watch in awe as the already dressed Anonymous climbs out of the hole.
"What the fuck was that about?"
>Anon begins rubbing his eyes, and waits for a response.
>The girls erupt into mixed emotions of happiness and relief and rush anon into a tight group hug.
>"W-We thought you left us, Nonny!"
>"Yeah, we were all up and worried you'd been on your back fer too long!"
>"How'd you do it, Anon?"
"How did I do what?"
>They all disperse off of anon as he tiredly stands up.
>"Survive being on your back like that, and for so long, Darling!"
>Anon only rubs his acing head, still trying to process his rude awakening.
>"Anon you've got to teach me how to do that, think of all the ponies we could save!"
>Anon only raises his hand to slow down Twilight.
"Can you just explain to me what just happened?"
>She only lets out a stifled giggle.
>"C'mon, Anon, we'll explain once we get back to my place."
>"Yeah, I can't wait to tell everypony I'm the friend of such an awesome survivor!"
>Anon nods his head before following the girls back to Ponyville, still wondering what just happened.
>>22074804
>>22075474
>Centuries later, the legend of 'The Thing that could stand up by Itself' is used to scare little little fillies into well behaviour.
>>22075832
>The story of Anon's 'resurrection' spreads far and wide.
>Soon, he is proclaimed the Patron Saint of Rolling Over.
>Ponies from around Equestria pray to Anon in their hour of need.
>Shrines are built around Equestria.
>Years pass, and anon's status in the religion has grown exponentially, eclipsing that of the other gods.
>The cemetery becomes a place of pilgrimage, and sacred relics from his life are gathered there.
>However, the heathen Griffons to the east refuse to believe.
>A crusade is called. Ponies from around the world sail to smite the nonbelievers.
>Armies clash, and the ponies find themselves outmatched.
>Across the fields of battle, ponies and griffons alike lie tipped on their backs, awaiting death.
>But, hark, a wind gathers in the distance! With all the force and fury of the Almighty.
>Ponies and griffons alike are rolled back to their bellies.
>The crusaders depart in peace, the griffons convert, and the name of anon is on every creature's lips.
>Within a hundred years, the majority of creatures believe that it is anon who makes the world go around by rolling it over.
>>22076184
>Within a hundred years, the majority of creatures believe that it is anon who makes the world go around by rolling it over.
I want that to be head-canon so bad. Im really liking this thread
>>22063715
Bamp
>>22076124
kek
>>22068930
wait,you mean horses can t flip over if they get stuck on their back?
>>22078918
Yes.
Hi Seth.
>>22079233
Why seth is so a waste of space, air and chemical energy?
so let me get this straight i understand now that horses cant 'roll' over when on their backs but they would'nt actually die as Applejack and Rarity say in the green-text
>>22081059
>>22078918
Horses are perfectly capable of rolling around on their back. Ponies being unable to do so is just one of Anon's many fetishes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjvPc2lQ7J4
>>22081307
That was kinda hot.
Anon finally succeeds in seducing his waifu. Planning to have sex in the missionary position he rolls her onto her back. She freaks out and starts screaming. Guards bust in and arrest him for attempted murder.
>>22076184
>Within a hundred years, the majority of creatures believe that it is anon who makes the world go around by rolling it over.
Well according to the Church of Enfield, money makes the world go round
>>22081307
and here I thought 3d horses couldn't be cute too
>>22082156
>>22081621
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMyL0HdXPuc
They got something for everyone.
>>22075474
quadrupeds tripping a single biped.
truly a fourchan thread.
>>22081307
I like to think that because of their big heads and squishy bodies, it's nearly impossibly for the other ponies to get up without help.
>>22081307
There is some truth to it. A horse rolling on it's back may actually be colicing, which could lead to death.
>"I can't get up, anon... Will you help me?
Holy shit this thread has me smiling like a retard
>>22089720
if you weren't worst horse, I'd do it.
...
ah, fuck it. at least you aren't top cunt. grab my hand
I'm going to help this thread get back up to the front page. Bump
Can't roll over bump
>>22089720
COMMENCE THE RASPBERRYING
I shall make this bump into a bedtime bump.
>>22076184
>Within a hundred years, the majority of creatures believe that it is anon who makes the world go around by rolling it over.
Sides come back, we still have so much to do.
>Diamond Dogs try to steal gems from Canterlot. Doesn't go well for them.
>In the ensuing fight they fall on their backs and hit their head, the guards rejoice in finally slaying the beasts
>One by one they slowly stand back up grabbing their heads in lain. The entire guard force panics and flees or surrenders.
>Celestia's rule herself is called into question as now all of Canterlot fear the mighty power of the Diamond dogs. Some think that they match even her.
>They wander out into the square looking for some ice for their head, absolute chaos and pandemonium, ponies fall onto their backs in the confusion.
>And to their surprise the Dogs kick them back onto their hooves.
>They finally find some Ice.
>Half of Canterlot has surrendered to the invaders. As they walk out Celestial herself crashes through several buildings and confronts them, glowing with all her power.
>One of the dogs accidentally stumbles into her, causing the mighty Alicorn to tumble.
>The moment she hits the ground she scream in agony and explodes in a giant, glorious wave of fire. Luna promptly surrenders.
>And that is how the 5000 year reign of Diamond Dog Dynasty start
>the thread is dead
>>22096703
it was never meant to last.
let it go and remember it fondly.
>>22097076
you act like I want to make it a general
for fuck's sake, it doesn't even have 100 posts
>>22096703
We left it on its back for too long.
>>22096703
>The thread is rushed into the ER.
>It's unresponsive, with post activity minimal
>"What's the situation here?"
>"Class 4 post arrest, thread unresponsive"
>"Damn it, how could this happen?"
>A defibrillator is wheeled into the room
>One of the doctors proceeds to charge it
>With a high pitched hum, she proceeds to hold them over the thread's chest
>"CLEAR!" she yells, ensuring no one is touching the thread.
>She shocks the thread
>No response
>Second shock
>No response
>Third shock
>Minimal response
>Thread activity is very faint
>"I NEED A CONTENT SHOT, STAT!" she yells in midst of the adrenaline-filled room
>Soon after a doctor hands her an injector filled with a green liquid, with strange, green arrows floating around in it
>She injects the liquid directly into the thread's chest
>The entire room stops to see watch the EAG, or ElectroActivityGram.
>There is a sudden pickup in thread activity.
>The doctor takes a moment to wipe the sweat off her brow, confident in her skills.
>But to her dismay, she is suddenly met with a long, high pitched beep.
>"We're losing him!" one of the doctors shouts
>She proceeds to attempt CPR on the thread
>"Don't die, Damn it!"
>1,2,3,4,5,
>2 Rescue breaths
>1,2,3,4,5
>The only thing that dares break the silence in the room is the beeping of the EAG.
>1,2,3,4,5
>One of the doctors slowly approaches her
>1,2,3,4,5
>He puts his hoof on her shoulder
>She turns to face him
>He slowly shakes his head
>And in that moment, she knew nothing could be done.
>It was over.
>The thread has died, and there is nothing she could do about it.
>Sometimes, you just have to let go.
It's time to let go, anon
>>22097523
We need to screencap this shit.
>>22098103
I second the motion
>>22098103
>>22098221
We need to cap it and post in, like, half the generals in the catalog.
>>22098291
Yes, yes please.
This must happen.
>>22097523
No die thread die!
>>22098781
Now post it in the generals
All of the generalsTis the prophecy, anon. The one cap to end them all
