Let's play a game, /mlp/! We're throwing out all the rules!
If you don't know what's happening, catch up here: http://anonpone.pineapplecomputing.com/threshold/23516424
>>25530123
Last time, Dandy got ready for work, making sure to leave his trusty guinea pig Quiff some instructions on what to do when Squishy woke up. Confident that Quiff and Squishy would be okay on their own, Dandy went to work, where he heard that a meeting regarding A1-13's unusual activity the night before was about to start. What could be going on?
HP: 100%
Bits: 204
CC: 2374
Inventory: 1 house key, 1 comb, 1 white fedora, 1 temporary access card, 1 two-way radio, 1 Snapdragon, 1 lab coat, 1 moon cake, 1 bag of maple yogurt drops, 1 drinking bird, 1 coffee mug, 1 color-changing putty, 1 poster, 1 Cathedral of Terra pamphlet, 1 bottle of peppermint mouthwash
>>25530173
Remember Dandy, last night you were at home doing home stuff.
u dindo nuffin
u dinsee nuffin
>>25530173
take seat Dandu
>>25530173
Time to listen to what the important ponies have to say.
>>25530173
Just listen.
>>25530173
"Alright, I'm already running late," Dr. Lumis says as he strides across the room, "so let's make this quick. We're here to talk-"
Just then, the door opens once more, and two more mares enter. Dandy sort of recognizes one, but the other is somepony he's quite familiar with.
"I'm sorry I'm late!" Dr. Foozle says, appaently out of breath. "I was monitoring A1-2007's condition and I lost track of the time...!"
"Fashionably late again, Foozle?" Dr. Lumis answers in a half-serious tone. "You're lucky this isn't a mandatory meeting. Have a seat somewhere."
Dr. Foozle nods meekly and trots past the end of the table, receiving an unamused look from Dr. Fortissimo in the process. She seems embarrassed, but her expression brightens up a bit when she sees Dandy...
This is where your quest continues.
>>25530251
Invite her to sit next to us.
>>25530251
Pat that free chair.
>>25530274
Just don't get seen by Lumis
>>25530295
Wasn't it Lumis who told us to be chummy and maintain moral? I think Fortissimo is one who hates friendship.
>>25530312
I don't remember I'm just assuming the senior researchers are dicks
>>25530322
Equating to their SCP counterparts, then Lumis would be the fun one, because Bright is batshit insane.
>>25530251
Gesture at the seat beneath you in an inviting fashion.
>>25530322
Lumis seemed all right from what I recall, Fortissimo is the grumpy one.
>>25530274
>>25530290
Dandy smiles back and gestures to Foozle with his hoof behind the table, pointing at the open seat beside him and patting it. Foozle's smile widens and she trots over to him, sitting down and scooching her chair in.
"Thanks." she whispers.
>"Anytime."
>'Smooth.'
"Okay, so, as I was saying," Dr. Lumis continues as everypony takes their seats, "we're here to talk about A1-13. As everypony here who isn't blind, deaf, and dumb no doubt noticed, A1-13 exhibited some unprecedented activity last night, starting at approximately 8:14pm." Dr. Lumis activates the projector at his end of the table, and a close-up image of the Moon appeared on the screen above the table. "A seam of pink light opened about 4 kilometers southeast of the Pairy crater's eastern rim, running due south along 15.4 degrees West longitude and terminating at the northern rim of the Saddleton crater. At 9:34pm, a second, perpendicular seam began to open along 12.7 degrees South latitude. From there, the Moon began to break apart and the resulting pieces reoriented themselves into an equine shape. For security purposes, much of the information we've gathered about this event is classified, but the bottom line should be pretty obvious: Everypony in Equestria saw the Moon transform into a gigantic pony that produced enough light to make it look like high noon at ten minutes to midnight. We've already heard reports of widescale civil unrest in Fillydelphia, Las Pegasus, and especially in Baltimare. Worse still, the Elders of the Dragon Clans are making a huge stink about it and demanding more information from Celestia that we can't divulge, and the Saddle Arabians aren't far behind. We haven't had a situation like this since that wormhole opened over Ponyville and the Destr-"
"AHEM!!!!" Dr. Fortissimo interjects, her uncovered eye looking like it's trying to burn a hole clean through Dr. Lumis.
>>25530858
I''m sure it's nothing.
>>25530858
...
>>25530858
Dr. Lumis flinches a bit. "Ah, right..." He quickly composes himself and cycles through a few more slides. "In any event, this is quite a breach of security. However, there's no need for alarm: The Board has already come up with a 4-step plan to restore public morale. Propaganda, diversion, selective application of Memoreaters to key figures in every major city... If everything goes as planned, this should all be over and forgotten about in a few weeks max."
The projector deactivates, and the lights come back on.
"That being said," Lumis continues, "this will stretch the Threshold's resources quite a bit more than usual. We'll only be able to maintain a skeleton crew on-site, which means some ponynnel will be temporarily reassigned."
There is silence for a few seconds.
"Reassigned where?" Jean asks.
"Wherever you're needed." Dr. Lumis replies. "There's been a consistent increase in new anomalous activity since March, which means field deployments are at an all-time high. Those of you with seniority will have a bit more wiggle room, but as of right now, all Level 3 ponynnel are eligible for deployment."
Several murmurs rise up from around the table.
"Oh, my..." Foozle mumbles, the color draining from her face.
"Deployment?" Jean scoffs. "You mean, out where the monsters are?!"
"You gotta be kidding me!!" Blazar snaps.
"Yes, yes, I'm sure you're all excited to mail out those thank-you letters to the Board of Directors." Lumis replies, stretching out a hoof to silence everyone. "Regardless, does anypony have any questions before I wrap this up?"
Several hooves shoot up.
"Any INTELLIGENT questions?" Lumis specifies.
Most of the hooves drop.
>>25531162
Ask if this will effect pay. They might be trying to bump you down to level 2 income!
>>25531162
uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
>>25531162
What effect will this have on previous assignments.
We should also consider explaining the Squishy situation to Lumis, in private. He might know how to keep this from getting Dandy demoted to food if someone finds out.
Of course the root blame lies with that triggerhappy guard who shot her and caused the breach in the first place.
>>25531246
I don't trust Lumis nearly enough to stake Dandy's future on him.
>>25531162
Do you think the Cathedral of Terra can have any effect on Threshold?
>>25531336
Let's not.
They probably know more about the Cathedral than Dandy knows about himself.
>>25531246
>What effect will this have on previous assignments.
The fuck is this supposed to mean?
>>25531369
If we get shipped off base do we still need to deal with the bees?
>>25531534
Eventually
>>25531201
Dandy tentatively raises his hoof.
>"Will this affect our pay?"
"No, Pomp, your pay won't be affected." Lumis answers. "It'll just be delayed a bit until any new anomaly is properly designated with a tier."
The mare who came in with Foozle raises her hoof as well.
"What about our pwior assignments?" she asks in an accent that Dandy can't quite pinpoint. "Some of us have rong-standing engagements, you know."
"I'm aware of that, Dr. Blossom." Lumis answers tersely. "As I said, we're going to have to deal with a shortage of ponynnel for awhile. This means everypony who IS on-site will have to pick up the slack and do a bit more than usual until things calm down around here. You'll be expected to handle your current affairs as well as any new ones that should arise until then."
"That sucks!" Blazar groans.
"Shut up, Blazar." Lumis snaps back at him. "It is what it is, and if you don't like it you can take it up with the Board. Any other questions?"
Everypony still looks pretty unhappy, but no hooves go up.
"Alright then, meeting adjourned." Lumis says, getting up from his chair. "Back to your business, everypony."
>>25531716
Dandy I do believe her accent is Neighponese.
>>25531716
Go to office
Guess we'll pick this up tomorrow. I need to get to bed early-ish for once. See you guys later.
>>25532329
>guys
>s
Y-yeah s-see you too
>>25531716
Welp, I guess it's time to see what field work is like. Probably good to learn how this is done anyway, though I hope they're planning on giving you more than a snapdragon and a lab coat.
>>25531716
I forgot the name of our griffon friend, but does this mean we'll get to go out with him if we're assigned a mission outside? He's a level 2, a field agent as far as I remember.
So far we need to know how things work. Let's ask around, maybe doctor Lumis, real quick. Then let's check our mail, I bet we still have appointments with other anomalies. Don't forget the mouth thing before checking on the bees by the way, if that's mandatory
>>25535973
Er, he's a level 3 engineer.
>>25536025
Oh.
Okay.I still want to go on adventures with him
>>25531716
Ask Foozle how pupkin is doing.
beb
Bamp
>>25536077Me too
>>25537947
Too bad
>>25531746
>'Neighponese? Oooh, exotic!'
>>25536150
As the meeting room empties out, Dandy strikes up a chat with Foozle:
>"So, how was your night?"
"Oh, it was a lot more interesting than usual." she answers with a chuckle. "At least I didn't need my nightlight. Eheheh... heh..." She pauses and glances down. "Um... How was yours? You weren't too freaked out by it, were you?"
>"Nah... I just stayed inside and ignored it."
Foozle gives Dandy an incredulous look. "You ignored... the Moon exploding?"
Dandy shrugs.
>"It put itself back together. By the way, how's Pupkin doing?"
"Much better." Foozle responds. "He's still pretty pale, but he's getting his energy back. Thanks to you." Foozle smiles and scuffs the floor with her hoof.
>"Ahaha, ahhhh, it was nothing."
"No, it wasn't nothing. It was very sweet of you to volunteer and help me like that. If there's anything I can do to repay you, please let me know."
Dandy grins.
>"Ahaha... ah, well... uh..."
The next line out of Dandy's mouth comes without him even really thinking about it:
>"You could go out with me."
>>25539138
Nailed it.
>>25539138
ask if she likes neightalian and when she'll be free.
>>25539138
not the best, but roll with it Dandy.
We believe in you.
>>25539138
This is still salvageable.
>>25539138
Brace for impact.
>>25539138
Good, good.
Offer to take her to dinner when she's next available.
>>25539138
>>25539172
>>25539180
>>25539197
>>25539200
>>25539229
>>25539348
For a few awkward seconds, Foozle is silent. Dandy begins to sweat.
"Out...?" she finally responds, apparently unsure of what she just heard.
Dandy feels a cold sweat form on his brow.
>'Oh Celestia what am I doing? No, no, just be cool. Don't blow it in front of the Anons! They'll never let you live it down if you screw this up!'
>"Y-yeah, out. Like, on a date."
Foozle's cheeks turn orange.
"Oh! I, um... I mean, th-that sounds great...! I-I'm kind of busy, though... I usually have to work late. Well, except on Fridays and Saturdays..."
>"Friday it is! How's seven o'clock sound?"
"Oh... um, that's a little late, isn't it?"
>"Six?"
"That would work better." Foozle answers. "I-I mean, no- I mean, of course! I-I MEAN... six o'clock sounds good."
>"That's just dandy! I'll pick you up after work, how's that?"
"Okay, sure...!" Foozle answers. "Um, that'll work fine. I, uh... I should get back to work, though. I-I think I can hear Pupkin barking for me. Have a nice day, Dr. Pomp!"
>WHACK!
Then, she turns and trots into the wall a foot to the right of the door. She backs off and shakes her head, then turns and gives Dandy a quick smile framed by blushing cheeks before she makes her actual exit. As she rounds the corner, Dandy can hear her hoofsteps break into a gallop and quickly vanish from earshot.
Dandy stands there for a moment longer, cheeks burning and heart pounding.
Then, he smiles to himself.
>'I think that went pretty well.'
>>25539497
That's a lot of spaghetti.
>>25539497
Ouch
What a clumsy poni
You did good Dandy. Now it's time to see if our plan for dealing with the bees worked.
>>25539497
Wow Dandy, she's a bigger spaghetti spiller than you.
>>25539510
Tasty, tasty spaggeto.
Papyrus would be proud of us.
>>25539497
That was... Dandy.
>>25539497
That didn't go nearly as bad as I was expecting.
Mail time.
>>25539518
>TIL foozle is another word for a clumsy attempt
>squigglehead's name is literally Doctor Klutz
>>25539575
whoops
>>25539497
Yes. Dandy deserves some [happy pony noises] time.
>>25539497
Huh, that's weird.
When I tried doing it like that all I got was pepper spray.
>>25539601
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MU4HMhic6AU
>>25540010
>>25540010
Time to check your mails for today.
>>25540010
Those feathers are fucking huge.
>>25540010
Remember to mark it down on your calendar.
>>25540045
When pegasi are happy they spread their wings out as wide as they go.
It's an evolutionary thing.
>>25540010
Yup, now all you have to do i survive until Friday, and how hard could that be?
hehe
>>25540010
You shouldn't reveal your erections in public Dandy.
>>25540010
Time to read some mail.
>>25540045
>'Thanks!'
>>25539563
>>25540040
>>25540044
Satisfied with his performance and the barrage of compliments it's gotten him, Dandy moontrots back to his office (to the apparent confusion of a few coworkers).
>"Goooood morning, ASCII!"
Dandy's computer blinks on, and ASCII's visage opens its eyes and waves at him. "Good morning, Dr. Pomp." ASCII answers. "You are 73.27% more happy than you were when we last spoke. May I ask why?"
>"I've just been having a dandy morning, is all! I'm sure that'll change soon, though. Do I have any new messages?"
"Yes, Dr. Pomp." ASCII answers as her face disintegrates and rearranges itself into a single line of text. "You have a single new message today."
>"Just one, huh? That's nice."
"Due to the current amount of duties available to you, I instructed the distribution system to reduce your name's frequency to 40%." ASCII's much more staticky disembodied voice answers.
>"Oh, that's a perk. Thanks!"
"I'm just adhering to my programming, Dr. Pomp, but it warms my circuits to hear the sincerity in your voice."
>"...Kay. So, uh, what's the message say?"
The message highlights itself and opens.
>'Oh, no monsters this time? Thank Luna!'
>>25540348
Computer stuff
>>25540348
Oh goody, work computer upgrades.
>>25540348
TICN?
>>25540412
Large Hadron Collider
>>25540418
TICN=LHC?
>>25540434
Yes
>>25540348
Huh, alright then, bee time.
>>25540412
Threshold InterConnect Network?
Information Conduct Network?
It's most likely the Threshold's Intranet. I guess it's big enough to get a custom infrastructure and name.
>>25540348
Ask ASCII if she feels better now that the system is a bit faster. After that, you should prepare for the bees, since you have nothing better to do until you get new assignments. By the way, if you're still wondering why we made you pick up that mouth water, ask yourself why the bees knowing about you is treated as such a serious matter when they apparently aren't hostile unless threatened or insulted.
>>25540010
Dandy as fuck feathers
Dandy as fuck hair
Dandy as fuck qt mark
>>25540348
>Dandy moontrots back to his office
Dandy, I'm afraid I've underestimated how dandy you really are. You are truly the pinnacle of danyness.
>>25540412
>>25540418
>>25540434
>'TICN doesn't stand for Large Hatchron Collider. The letters are in the wrong places!'
>"Hey, ASCII, what's 'T-I-C-N' mean?"
ASCII's face returns and explains: "The TICN is the Threshold Internal Communications Network. All computers, radios, and vehicles in Threshold facilities around the world - myself included - communicate and share data via the TICN."
>"Oh. Neat."
>>25540482
>'Looks like you were right, Anon. ...I think.'
>"So, how are you feeling now that this new upgrade has happened, ASCII?"
ASCII smiles. "I am pleased to report that my data banks have already increased in size by 48.36% and I am operating at 21.17% higher speed than yesterday. I am not programmed to brag, but I am now exceeding my previous record of 6.83 megaFLOPS quite handily!"
>>25540596
>Dandy as fuck qt markBut he doesn't have one.
>>25540614
Open your gift, dandy horse.
>>25540620
Well, let's give him one. Right now.
I vote that his pomp should be featured on his colored rump.
>>25540614
ASCII, what are countermeasures to prevent the entire system from failing since it's all connected?
>>25540634
>implying he doesn't already have one
>implying he doesn't dye his butt to cover it
Dandy is a mysterious pone.
>>25540634
I still like to think that he sat in a bucket of magical dye and now his mark is hidden forever.
>>25540614
>6.83 megaFLOPS
How do you even operate an advanced AI like ASCII with that little processing power? You guys must have some amazing developers. Or ASCII is not being sincere about the power and capabilities of the system.
Anyways, looks like you got some new gear.
>>25540685
>google FLOPS
>records page on wiki starts in the gigaFLOPS
>in the 90s
Wow
>>25540747
>a super computer in the nineties had over 1 teraFLOPS
>>25540685
I guess they can forgo some processing power because magic?
>>25540614
>>25540685
To put this into perspective, consumer computers over here easily reach teraFLOPS nowadays, but that's only about enough processing power to steer an autonomous car, not a full-blown AI. Not that we'd have any advanced AIs, but it's still unlikely they'd run anywhere below teraFLOPS level. Some of our scientists estimate that about 10^16 computations per second (peta-cps) would be needed just to emulate one of our brains, which doesn't say anything about sapience of the program.
>>25540747
Your CPU most likely reaches a few hundred gigaFLOPS.
>>25540821
I thought that too, but still. Perhaps they have a separate magic processing system that isn't represented in these values.
>>25540845
What about this wormbot?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWQnzylhgHc
>>25540845
>To put this into perspective, consumer computers over here easily reach teraFLOPS nowadays
Just to be sure, wasn't a FLOP something related to punchcard era computers? Something like "A metal wheel made a whole turn"?
And I am sure ASCII is some kinda magical thing, like a brain gollem linked to a digital system.
>>25540845
Though, FLOPS isn't really an accurate measure of a brain.
For example, use the processing power of your mind to find 23491234/213.2
The brain just doesn't work like a computer in that way.
Sure, ASCII would still need processing power to do all the managing for the Threshold, but perhaps ASCII has no need to rely heavily on massive amounts of processing power, for whatever reason.
Perhaps it's some weird hybrid sapient half-magic half-actual computer kind of deal?.
>>25540931
Maybe she's referring to some specific portion of her function, as opposed to the whole. Like maybe she can dedicate 6.83 megaFLOPS to each Threshold employee.
>>25540871
~300 million operations per second
>>25540909
FLOPS are floating point operations per second.
>>25540931
>FLOPS isn't really an accurate measure of a brain
That's true, but it's a measure of processing power. And it's probable that an advanced AI would need quite some of that. Maybe not as much as we'd think, but probably more than that.
>>25540949
That's a good idea and seems more likely.
>>25540626
>>25540685
>"Oh, hey, a package!"
"Correct." ASCII confirms as Dandy trots to his desk and tears into the small box like a colt on Hearth's Warming. "It was brought in this morning at 7:25:49 AM. Based on your status as a new employee and the timing of its delivery, I estimate there is a 97.37% chance that that package contains-"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CfuuqTO-zPY
>THRESHOLD ID CARD added to inventory
"...A permanent ID card. Congratulations, Dr. Pomp: That will allow you to access the entirety of this facility's Level 3 clearance areas, as well as those of other Threshold facilities across the world. Please do not forget to incinerate your temporary access card now that you've been issued proper identification."
>>25541044
Where does that door behind our desk go.
>>25541044
Right
Where do we do that?
>>25541044
Incinerate? And let that fiber go to waste?
Nah, eat it Dandy.
>>25541044
Finally, a chance to solve the mystery of the door.
>>25541066
>"Can do! ...Where do I do that again?"
"There are adequate sources of fire in the cafeteria, the security room, and the armory in the bunker." ASCII replies. "However, if you want to be 99.99% certain of complete incineration, may I suggest the disposal chamber on Level 1? It utilizes the Sun's energy to produce flames in excess of 6,000 degrees Kelvin. No access card has ever survived it, nor have any potential infiltrators in search of temporary access cards."
>>25541059
>>25541191
>'I'm not sure, but if I was a betting stallion, I'd say it leads to the bathroom. ...Wait, I get my own bathroom?'
>>25541315
okay time for burning card Dandu.
>>25541315
Well isn't that handy?
You can hide in your very own bathroom when ever you need to sob and/or hyperventilate!
Now go burn that card before you inevitably lose it and end up in trouble.
>>25541315
That's actually pretty baller. So Dandy, how long you plan on working for this operation?
>>25541498
>'Well, Lumis said at orientation that there's not really a way to quit, so I guess I'm in it for the long haul.'
>>25541345
>>25541390
>'I guess I might as well before I forget... I think the map said that the security room was the closest place where I could burn it.'
>"I'm going to torch this old card, ASCII. I'll see you later."
"Have a nice day, Dr. Pomp. Safe incinerating!"
Going to pause here for the night. I should really make one of those Gurren Lagann bumpers for that, but fuck it - I'm lazy. Have a good night, guys, and thanks for playing!
>>25541557Why did our wall turn green?
>>25541557
Maybe we should take care of the bees first.
>>25541575
sleep tight, sleepynept
>>25541575
Goodnight, Inept.
>>25541580Wouldn't you like to know.
dont beb
page 9 aint fine
>>25546282
how's 10?
>>25545555
>cargo planes intensify
>>25541557
A short time later, and Dandy has found the door marked security. As he expected, there's guards stationed there. They ready their weapons as Dandy gets within a few meters of them.
"Identification, please." one of them says simply.
Dandy shows the guard his new ID card.
>"Dandy Pomp, junior researcher. I just started a few days ago."
The guard nods; to Dandy's relief, he and his partner lower their weapons. "Sorry, sir. Go on in."
>"Thanks."
The security room is a small room with several monitors set up along the wall and a large sliding door in the back. A single researcher in a swivel chair is present; when Dandy enters, he looks up and smiles broadly.
"Heeeey, a visitor!" he says in a chipper tone. "I don't get many of those! What can I do for you, pal? No, wait, let me guess: You're here for an upgrade, right?"
>>25548209
Those big hands aren't all pointing the same way.
>>25548209
Does your planet have half-hour time zones?
>>25548209
Upgrade?
>>25548243
In a world where someone gets up in the morning to raise the sun, I imagine the timezones are weird.
>>25548243
>>25548253
>not knowing that Earth has half hour time zones too
>>25548243
>>25548253
>'I don't know. I guess some places do...?'
>>25548261
>"Upgrade?"
"For your equipment, pal of mine!" the thick-spectacled stallion answers in a tone indicating he thought it was obvious. "As the head of security, it's part of my job to minimize risks. And what better way to do that than to make sure my coworkers have the best weapons and armor possible! For a small fee, I can turn the junk they start all you newbies off with into top-of-the-line equipment that's 100% anomaly-proof, guaranteed or your money back!"
>"Newbie? How did you know-"
"Well it's quite obvious by that shabby, wrinkled old lab coat of yours." the stallion interrupts. "I bet you're still using a basic Snapdragon too, aren't you?"
>"Well..."
"Knew it." The stallion waves his hoof. "Those peashooters may be good for shooting cans off fences, but when they're all you've got to defend yourself from Grogar the Soul Swallower, your rump is roast, my friend. That's why you should make the choice that's saved hundreds of lives here at the Threshold and let your friend Starry Eyes turn that toy into a weapon of mass destruction! You won't regret it, and if you do, you'll LIVE to regret it. And that's a guarantee!"
>"...Uh..."
"Oh, I mean the not regretting it part. Not the living to regret it part. Heh heh." the stallion clears his throat. "So, whattaya say, chum? You interested?"
>>25548587
If you're going to be doing field work then a little more armor and firepower seem like a good idea.
>>25548587
What a fucking jew. Ask him for a demonstration before we waste our money on stupid shit.
>>25548587
Really? Wow, and how much is it gonna cost?
>>25548587
Perhaps you should start by incinerating your card so you have a bit more time to think about his offer.
>>25548587
Bruh I just wanted to burn my temp card.
Sorry for the delay. Important Thanksgiving-related phone call.
>>25548659
>>25548708
>>25549062
>"Actually, I just came here to incinerate my old access card."
Starry Eyes instantly deflates. "Oh..."
>"Uh... Can one of your upgraded weapons do that? As, like, a demonstration?"
Starry Eyes is silent for a second; then he grins widely. "W-well, yes... Yes! Of course, a demonstration! Please, step over here and scan your ID card."
>"Why me?"
"It's a security measure, my friend. You think the higher-ups would trust me with easy access to all these weapons? The door will only open if we both scan it at the same time."
Dandy shrugs and scans his card on the left panel of the big door, and Starry Eyes scans the right one. The green light above the door illuminates, and the door opens to reveal an entire wall of weapons, outfits, and various pieces of machinery Dandy can't even guess the purpose of. Starry Eyes selects a seemingly innocuous weapon: a Snapdragon with what looks like a small nozzle instead of a bright red tip.
"This will work... Your access card, please."
Dandy holds out his card, and Starry Eyes takes it with his magic. He brings it close to his face for a moment before floating it to the center of the room. "'Doctor Dandy Pomp', huh? Catchy name... Stand back, Doctor Pomp."
Dandy does as he's told, and Starry Eyes activates the Snapdragon.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sRXrS6xOn4Y
>TEMPORARY ACCESS CARD removed from inventory
>>25549220
Flamethrowers: Always awesome
>>25549220
Dayum. Just think of all the toast you could make with that.
>>25549220
Dandy watches the inferno with wide, nervous eyes.
>'This guy is off his rocker... which is now on FIRE!'
Starry Eyes turns back to Dandy a moment later, a huge grin on his face.
"Voila! No more access card!" he says dramatically. "So, what do you think, Dandy old buddy old pal? Is there anything else your buddy Starry Eyes can do for you today? Hmm?"
>>25549322
How much for some improvements on the lab coat? Y'know like flame resistance.
>>25549322
If you're in this for the "long haul" you better take steps in being less easy yo kill. Take a look at this fine, sane stallion's wares.
>>25549322
I'd be interested to know what kind of improvements he has for lab coats, given that he implied he had some.
>>25549322
A flamethrower causes a bit to much collateral damage.
>>25549360
>>25549397
>>25549760
>'Good idea. Being around ponies like this guy is probably more hazardous to my health than the monsters are.
>"I guess as long as I'm here I can have a look at some stuff... What kind of lab coat upgrades do you have?"
Starry Eyes eagerly clops his hooves against the floor as he (thankfully) puts the fire-shooting Snapdragon away. "Oh, I've got plenty of nice lab coats you could look through - all made by yours truly, of course!" he beams, levitating several coats of different colors and thicknesses out of his stockpile. "Take a gander!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8pwHmluELk
"First up is what I call the Varia Labcoat!" he says proudly. "While all standard-issue labcoats here are fireproof, this custom-woven beauty is heatproof as well, so not only will it survive fires and volcanic eruptions, you will, too! For 1,000 CC's, it's all yours!
Next we've got the Maremaid Labcoat! Lightweight and easy to wash, this labcoat is made for the seafaring pony. Not only will it keep you dry, it's enchanted to transfer precious oxygen from the water directly to you! It can be yours for 1,500 CC's.
Third up on the line is the Extra Fluffy Labcoat! Don't let its name and snuggly appearance fool you: This labcoat is padded with lightweight, flexible carbon fibers that cut all physical damage in half! A steal at 2,000 CC's!
Finally, there's the Kinetic Labcoat! Enchanted with pegasus magic, this lighter-than-air labcoat alters its shape in flight to provide not only defense, but speed and agility as well. It'll run you 3,000 CC's for this wondrous wing attire!"
>>25549921
To bad there aren't versions with multiple features.
>>25549921
Might as well look at the snapdragon upgrades while we're here.
>>25549921
Acquire varia labcoat
Become Samus
>>25549921
>purchase maremaid suit
>get squishy to engulf us
>acquire squishy exosuit
WE
NEED
THIS
>>25549921
These seem like a rather large investment.
We should keep these in mind for the future, but probably wait until we have reason to suspect that we may need one to get it.
Check out the other weapon upgrades and stuff.>That Thanksgiving captcha
>>25549921
Peruse weapons.
>>25549975
>>25550106
>>25550125
>"I need to think about those a bit more... How about Snapdragon upgrades? Can I please see those?"
"Certainly, my friend!" Starry Eyes answers as he puts the coats away and pulls out a set of Snapdragons.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8pwHmluELk
"First up is the Speed Snapper! If you've ever fired a normal Snapdragon, you probably know cumbersome it is in a hectic situation. Holding down the trigger charges it instead of shooting it automatically! Who thought that was a good design choice?! The Speed Snapper fixes that problem with a smart trigger: Lightly squeezing it charges a shot like normal, while squeezing the trigger all the way fires a continuous barrage of uncharged shots until the trigger is released or the magic chamber needs to recharge. This upgrade costs 500 CC's.
Next up is the Sharpshooter. This Snapdragon uses an enhanced magicrystal as a focal point to produce powerful streams of magic that pierce targets rather than detonating on impact. Very useful against groups! It can be yours for 1,000 CC's.
If you're not concerned about collateral damage, there's the Dragon's Breath. This Snapdragon produces a searing stream of fire that burns at over 1400 degrees Kelvin. You've already seen this beauty in action; for just 2,000 CC's, you can try it out yourself!
Last, but definitely not least, there's the Lightning Bug. This pegasus-engineered twist on the standard model uses lightning instead of magic. It's not quite as accurate, but it's faster and more powerful, and it can stop most living creatures and rogue machines in their tracks with one direct hit. Harness the power of Zeus for only 4,000 CC's!"
>>25550317
You guys have Zeus?
>>25550317
I'm liking that first one. Seems like a good step up from the standard.
>>25550317
How much money do you have, Dandy? Last I remember you had around 900 something in your threshold account.
That first one might be nice, but we shouldn't spend all our money here, you'll need some money for your date with Foozle.
>>25550317
The first one seems like a straight upgrade.
>>25550317
So does sharpshooter fire a single penetrative shot or a continuous beam?
>>25550317
Actually, we may want to consider the first one.
It's not that expensive.
That, and we're not a soldier; we don't have weapons training.
So, we're likely not going to be an accurate shot anyway, so the Sharpshooter's not going to help (Smaller area of effect is bad unless we can hit accurately and reliably under pressure.).
With Dragon's Breath, we're just as likely to harm ourselves or someone else.
Lightning Bug is rather expensive.
However, being able to quickly fire a whole bunch would be enough to dissuade anything coming at you, or at least buy you enough time to run while they duck out of the way of your wildly fired shots.
It would keep us alive, and we can leave the sharpshooting and more effective killing stuff to the professionals.
(Additionally, more dakka would give us an advantage against any not-huge targets, since we aren't exactly trained in firearms enough to accurately hit a pony charging at us 40m away.)
How long can we fire before the magic chamber needs to recharge, though?
>>25550360
>'Zeus? I think he was the ancient pegasus tribe's chief deity.'
>>25550444
>>25550454
>"I'm liking that Speed Snapper..."
"Most ponies do."
>"One question: How long can I fire it before the magic chamber needs to recharge."
"You should get about a hundred shots out of it per charge." Starry Eyes answers. "After that, it'll recharge on its own in about ten seconds, like a standard Snapdragon."
>"Oh, and how does the Sharpshooter work? Does it fire a single shot or is it like a laser beam?"
"It's a single-shot, but it's very long like a beam due to the magic being focused to a laserlike intensity as it's consumed. That laser focus and length is how it penetrates multiple targets, my friend."
>>25550692
We must go fast Dandy.
I have a need4speed
>>25550713Tomorrow. I'm hungry and need sleep for holiday stuff.
>>255507522slow4me
>>25550752
Goodnight, sleep tight.
nah
boop
>>25550752happy holiday
you stop that right now.
>>25550692
Confirm the Speed Snapper
I'm considering buying the Sharpshooter too, but not yet. Can we hold two of them, one in each hoof? Can we sell them back to get a better one later?
I don't think we have so much money that we can afford two weapons though, so let's just get the Snapper.
>>25563819
>Can we hold two of them, one in each hoof?
It is now my long term goal to get the special flight coat and one lighting bug for every hoof. If there isn't a Zeus, we will MAKE a Zeus.
>>25563891
I wonder if Pony Zeus was as much of a horn dog as real Zeus. If not then Dandy can make it so.
>>25564994
>>25565199
>tumblr
>>25565212
>muh site superiority
pls
>>25565226
>>/r/eddit
beb
>>25563891
>'That's a silly idea... But it's a silly idea I can really get behind!'
>>25550380
>>25550406
>>25550454
>>25550713
>>25563819
>"I'll take the Speed Snapper."
"Excellent!" Starry Eyes responds, guiding Dandy over to one of his many, MANY computers. "I knew you had an eye for quality! Just scan your card here and it's all yours, friend of mine!"
Dandy does as he's told; upon scanning his card, the monitor beeps and displays Dandy's account information. The number 2374 blinks for a second and is then replaced by the number 1574.
>SPEED SNAPPER added to inventory
"Thank you very much! Is there anything else your pal Starry Eyes can do for you today?"
>>25565928
>Speed Snapper
>500CC's
>2374 - 1574 = 800
Are you getting jew'd here?
>>25565928
>The number 2374 blinks for a second and is then replaced by the number 1574.
Now hold the fuck up
That thing was 500 credits, not 800
>>25565928
>The number 2374 blinks for a second and is then replaced by the number 1574.
Wait.
>>25550317
>"First up is the Speed Snapper! [...] This upgrade costs 500 CC's."
You were just overcharged, Dandy.
>>25565978
>>25565981
>>25565988Glitch in the Matrix. Just ignore it.
>>25566055>not running with itYou really are getting soft :^)I'm kidding please don't bully.
>>25566069Starry Eyes is not for Jew. He's for mad science.
dandy what's your favorite kind of pizza
>>25565980
>"I guess not right now, thanks."
"Well, if you ever need anything, you know where to find me!"
>>25566256
>'Mushroom-jalapeno medley, of course! All other answers are shameful and wrong, end of story. Especially those pizzas with fruit on them.'
>>25566372
Time to prepare for your date with the bees.
>>25566372
Unless we have other obligations I've forgotten about the only thing left to do now is visit the bees.
>>25566372
Now that's a dandy gait if I've ever seen one. I suppose you could now either check if you got mail in the few minutes you were away or visit the bees now.
>>25566171[ZIONISM INTENSIFIES].png, to be honest
>>25566372
Careful now Dandy, you never know who's listening. Now, I believe you have a prior obligation to attend to?
>>25566409
>>25566421
>>25566442
>>25566546
Dandy returns to his office to prepare for his first task of the day.
>'So, just so we're all on the same page here, these bees are really touchy, right? And they're going to sting the crap out of me if I say anything bad about their gross nasty honey, right? So I gotta use this mouthwash to numb my tongue so that doesn't happen?
>We're sure this is gonna work, right?'
>>25566607
Make sure your not able to taste anything except for pain.
>>25566607
It'll be fine, and if it isn't we'll just abandon you for a fresh not dead dandy.
>>25566607
>they're going to sting the crap out of me if I say anything bad
More like they'll sting the life out of you but if that's your comforting thought...
>>25566607
Yes, that's the idea. Obviously we know as much as you about whether it's going to work, but if the mouthwash allows you to swallow their honey without appearing suspicious, you should be fine. At least with the honey part, who knows what else they might want from you. But I'm confident.
>>25566607
Nope. Good luck Dandy.
>>25566660
>>25566746
>'Well THAT'S just dandy. Thanks a lot, Anons. I really appreciate your support.'
>>25566659
Dandy stops trotting.
>'...What do you mean?'
>>25566838
We mean don't die Dandy. We don't want to lose you.
>>25566838
I'm 60% sure there is a 100% chance you won't die. Just don't say anything bad and you'll be good.
>>25566838
Oh, nothing important really.
Your world "rewinds" a bit if you die and we are the only ones who remember anything from the previous timelines or lives or whatever you want to call them.
It's more beneficial to you than anything really.
Just make sure to use extra mouthwash to completely numb your tongue and I'm sure you'll be fine.
>>25566891
>>25566924
>'...Oh. Aww, shucks. Thanks, guys. You had me going there for a second. Heh heh...'
>>25566977
Dandy drops the bottle of mouthwash.You hear a sound like the cracking of ice once again.
>'...My world... resets when I...? Wait, how could you know something like that?'
Realization dawns on Dandy's face.
>'Have... Have I died before?'
>>25567274
Let's say, our relationship is mutually beneficial (mostly) in more ways than you might imagine. And pushing us for more information may result in another aneurysm, so just a heads up. You don't need to do this to yourself right now.
Get on with the bees now, we can talk about this later. Maybe after your date with Miss Foozle. What day and time is it anyways?
>>25567274
Why do you think we came up with the mouthwash idea if we didn't know the bees were extremely dangerous. Also don't worry the only other time that there have been resets was when you made a really bad first impression with Dr. Fortissimo and got demoted to level 0.
>>25567274
Don't be silly. How could you have died if you're talking to us right now? Just ignore that other guy. He's one of the crazies.
>>25567274
There may been a fewsometimes intentionalmistakes in the pasts that we have experienced, but that's okay! We got this version of you perfectly alive and safe!so far
>>25567274
I've lost track of how many times you died.
I also wasn't really keeping track in the first place, and it's also been a month or so for us since you visited "big squishy" so it's a bit hard to remember anyway.
>>25567358
But we did know the bees are extremely dangerous.
>>25567396
We didn't know he was incapable of handling the situation though.
>>25567358
>>25567386
Come on guys, don't scare him like that right now. We don't need another aneurysm, who knows what could happen.
In which way the bees are dangerous can be easily inferred through logical analysis of the data we have. And the conclusion is that they'll give you honey to taste, which you'll dislike, which is going to make them angry. That's why it's seen as such an important breach of protocol, since it not only might be dangerous, but almost certainly will be.
>>25567450
Nothing in the data said we'd be forced to taste it, nor that it tasted like death.
>>25567274
No...
>>25567274
Oh Dandy, you had the worst luck. Your world is arbitrated by death herself.
>>25567520
>researchers are clearly upset that someone told the bees about Dandy, implying danger (since otherwise it wouldn't be such a big deal)
>Bees are usually not aggressive, but get mad when cornered or one insults their honey
>Bees want to see Dandy
Since there apparently is almost certain danger, meeting the bees must somehow anger them. Since one would obviously not threaten them, one must be expected to insult their honey. Thus, the bees will make Dandy taste the honey, which will taste so horrible he cannot simply pretend to like it.
It's not that hard, strain that brain of yours a bit.
>>25567599
Sorry, but there are to many gaps in that logic. If we could've figured all of that out just from the data then we wouldn't have tried and we would've come up with the mouthwash idea without trying.
>>25567780
I actually posted this before we went to the bees the first time, but it wasn't considered.
Please stop ruining Dandy's day right after he landed a date.
>>25567930
bullying
>>25567890
Liar, I checked the archived thread and didn't see anything of the sort until the second death.
>>25568114
I'm a slow typer and may be remembering the exact moment wrongly. I was thinking about this from the beginning, though.
>>25567295
>'We can talk about this NOW, too. I'm not your stinking puppet, you know!'
>>25567359
>>25567521
>'Don't screw with me, Anon. I know what I heard!'
>>25567376
>'Like this! '"THIS version" of me?'
>>25567358
>>25567386
>>25567557
>'So, what? I've died TWICE? And it didn't stick? I guess that's good, but what is that supposed to mean? Am I stuck working here forever? Am I stuck with you guys forever?! What's going to happen when I get old?'
Dandy puts a hoof to his forehead. He feels a bit dizzy.
>>25568200
Actually you died three times.
>>25568200
Dandy, you can't be standing around pulling faces at yourself. Not here. Not unless you want your very own cell.
>>25568200
I don't think you're actually immortal if that's what you're thinking, I don't think it works that way.
You won't be stuck with us that long.
You'll probably be stuck working here until you get old and die though, but that's your fault, you chose to work here.
I don't know why you're angry. If we weren't here you'd probably be dead, actually dead forever dead, and you'd never get to go on that date with foozle.
You should calm down, bruh.
>>25568200
I'm telling you, you're going to get another aneurysm. Calm down, we can talk about this calmly. I would suggest doing so later when you aren't being monitored by a sapient AI, but if you wish, we can do it.
For the other questions, we don't know how long we'll be stuck with you, and you're technically still in charge of your own life since we can't force you to do things. But I don't think you can simply stop working at the Threshold.
>>25568200
4 if you include Fortissimo, but we didn't see that death. Threshold appears to be an extremely dangerous place so your definitely doing something right for such a low number and no disfigurements. As for being stuck with us forever I think that some method of freeing yourself from this madness will come up some day, it just isn't death. Take a moment to relax and let this all sink in.
>>25568238
>'Oh for Celestia's SAKE...!!'
>>25568281
>>25568286
>>25568311
Dandy takes a deep breath, then snorts a small plume of steam.
>'You guys just told me I've DIED a few times since I started working here. I'm sorry that I'm not taking it as well as you hoped! That's some heavy stuff, you know!'
>>25568608
Look, you wanted to talk, I decided to be honest with your death count.
>>25568608
You're alive now, so it's fine.
You live in a world where the moon is a giant robot and entire chunks of the planet can disappear and reappear at random.
You're getting angry over something that benefits you more than anything.
Now pick up that mouthwash and destroy your sense of taste so you don't increase that death count to four.
>>25568608
Maybe you're even alive because of us.
>>25568608
Most of us are trying to be helpful.
>>25568608
If you work with us the death count will get lower.
What I do find interesting is that some of us have tried to tell you this before, about the deaths I mean, but something didn't let those reach you.
>>25568773
>If you work with us the death count will be lower.
FTFY
>>25568608
Your real enemy isn't us, it's the skeleton.
>>25568608
Oh it's perfectly understandable you're mad, but this isn't a good place to show strange behavior what with everything being monitored. Also hey, at least you're alive right now. I think we should postpone this conversation unless you want to get interrogated or something. Remember that Dr. Fortissimo is probably supervising you a bit more closely than other recruits.
>>25568657
>>25568679
>>25568694
>>25568886
Dandy sighs and continues on his way back to his office.
>'I guess you're right about that stuff. I just... need some time to deal with all this.'
Dandy enters his office, where to his relief ASCII doesn't have anything to pester him with. He goes into the office restroom to prepare for his 'appointment' with A3-96.
>'Kind of cramped, but it's better than the bathroom at my last job...'
Dandy takes out the bottle of mouthwash and carefully opens it with his mouth. The caustic smell of peppermint, alcohol, and what Dandy would swear is rocket fuel if he knew what that was assaults his poor nostrils.
>'Ugh... Buck up, Dandy. On three. One, two, three...!'https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpWscLpywBM
Minigame time! The last digit of your post determines how many seconds Dandy holds the mouthwash in his mouth. When you think he's had enough, say "Stop!". Remember: Too few seconds, and his tongue won't be numb enough to protect against the honey. Too many seconds, and he'll get a nasty burn. Good luck!
>>25569170
Rollin bby
>>25569170
>rolling
>>25569170
Burn, baby burn - Disco inferno!
>>25569170
Rollin. Are you adding these up?
>>25569170
do dubs help?
>>25569292
Since it's last digit i doubt it.
>>25569170
Remember to use your mouthwash for about half a minute.
Otherwise you're not following the directions on the bottle.
You don't want to be a bad little pony, do you?
>>25569282Yes.
>>25569292No, but quads will result in a new anomaly appearing.It's a cargo plane.
>>25569282
Hopefully it's not averaged or it will be 6-4 seconds no matter how we roll.
>>25569170
>>25569327
If we're adding these up, you can spit now, Dandy.
If you can still feel your tongue by this point, we can always add more mouthwash.
>>25569334
Are you only counting rolls or all comments?
>>25569334
fug
Stop!
>>25569334
>This anomaly periodically disappears and will fall from the sky on ponies anywhere around the world.
>>25569348Yes.
>>25569186
>>25569217
>>25569235
>>25569282
>>25569292
>>25569317
>>25569327
>>25569343
Just over a half a minute later, Dandy eagerly spits out the corrosive red liquid.
>"Bweh..."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nmu5zbE4ksQ
>>25569574
Go see the bees STAT. Before it wears off.
Hopefully you can still speak somewhat coherently.
>>25569574
Practice speaking a little bit to make sure your still understandable.
>>25569595
>>25569654
Dandy tries to move his tongue, but he cannot tell whether it's reacting to his brain's commands or not.
>'Maybe I should rehearse a few lines, just to be safe.'
Dandy thinks back to his days as an English major... Wait, Dandy wasn't an English major. He has a well-paying job. How silly of me. Dandy thinks back to his grade school books and the rhymes they taught him when he was a foal trying to learn how to talk.
'The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.'
>"Thuh waim im Fpaim fawth miimwee om thuh pwaim."
