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>>27406361
Anonpone Archive:
https://www.anonpone.com/hype/
“Oh no, that thing with Glizelle was just one time”
>”It BETTER have been just one time”
“It was! And I wouldn't avoid all griffons all the time just because I got hurt once”
>”She tore off your ear tuft!”
“It grew back…”
>”Well I’m still glad you had the chance to meet him, give yourself the opportunity to see that not all griffons are promiscuous harpies or chronic alcoholic thrill seekers”
“Look, Pen is not the best decision maker”
>The griffon starting a bar fight over what color is the best pops into your mind
“But he really cares, and he’s a loyal friend”
>”I still don’t like him”
“I can understand that, he did persuade me to try to shoot you. But maybe you two can meet under different circumstances and you'll see that he's not such a bad guy”
>”If he shows up at our doorstep there’s a divorce coming”
>You quickly go silent, unsure if she’s being serious
“Er, so… so what are we going to make if I help out with alchemy? I think I'm done with the hair care products...”
>”Well, They want me to start on a batch of transformation serum at work tomorrow. So maybe you could help with that?”
“What’s that stuff do?”
>”It’s pretty tricky. One drop, and you could turn into almost any organism, most of the time at random”
>>27520722
Just let me handle things that are non lethal
>>27520722
Y-you wouldn't really divorce me.... w-would you?Act very nervous and scared when saying it. Like almost have a breakdown.
“Well, just let me handle things that are non-lethal”
>”Don’t worry, I’m intending on that”
>Continuing your trot back home Raven’s words continue to stick in your mind
>She wouldn’t really break up with you
>… Would she?
“Raven?”
>”Yes dear?”
“Y-you wouldn't really divorce me.... w-would you?”
>You begin to nervously neigh, wings fidgeting as Raven gives you a look
>”Why, is there something you want to tell me? If I come home find a feather in our bed…”
“No! Just… wondering, because you said”
>”Hype, unless you REALLY did something to her me, I’m not going anywhere”
>You still can’t help but nervously twitch
>”And no, I will not actually divorce you if Pen visits us”
>>27521245
Complete and total relief.
>>27521245
Okay. As long as we don't hurt her we're fine.
Let's try to be a proper stallion and fly her back home.Without hurting her.
>>27521327
I don't think Hype's that capable.
>>27521245
we should probably buy baby stuff like diapers one of these days.
>>27521409
We just have to BELIEEEEEEVE!
>You sigh in total relief, body relaxing
>”But we’re not technically married, so it won’t be divorce”
>Your heart nearly leaps into your throat
>”Relax, I’m joking dear”
>She nuzzles up into you, velvety nose rubbing against your cheek
“Th-thanks Raven”
>The sidewalk around you is quickly illuminated, the street light activating
>One by one the other flicks on down the road
>Oh no
>It’s dusk
>All of the street hooligans and highway men will be out soon
>You must ensure your wife’s safety!
“H-hey, remember when you asked why I didn’t fly you home like Gex does?”
>”Yeah?”
“How about I give it a try?”
>”You sure? No offense but I don’t know you can… make it work”
“I’ve been working out though! Check em’!”
>Standing on your hind hooves you flex your arms, straining
>”Careful there, you may run out of breath”
“Raven please. I have the utmost confidence in myself”
>”Well… alright. But if you drop me there’s going to be hell”
>She quickly wraps her hooves around your neck, you lifting her up as she jumps
>Giving her the classic honeymoon carry you spread your wings, taking to the air
>And huffing with every flap
>She’s… gained some weight. But that’s just the foal, you’re sure!
>”Oh look at the city lights from up here! It’s beautiful!”
“Ye-…. yeah. Pretty”
>Wheezing, you fight for all the oxygen you can absorb
>As she swoons over the sights, you feel your muscles straining
>Only… a little further…
>With the last bit of energy you enter a controlled dive, swooping towards home
>Five minutes later Raven steps inside as the door opens up, you flopping onto the floor is a heaving, exhausted mess
“I… did it”
>”I didn’t know flying was so amazing!”
>As you lazily kick the door shut she walks to the splayed out bat, giving you a pat on the back
>”And I guess somepony wasn’t lying when he said that he was working out”
>>27521769
The boxes at work can be heavy. Feed doggo.
>>27521769
Cool, she enjoys flying.
We must do it more often then. To keep her happy and as a form of working out.
>>27521833
it can be our romantic thing with her. we fly her places to see the sights.
“The boxes at work can be heavy. Takes a real stallion to do it day in and day out”
>As you raise your shaky arms and attempt to flex it, you can discern no noticeable difference
>But Raven’s practically swooning
>”Ooooh, I’ll say”
>Rubbing a tiny heart on your fur, she continues
>”We should go for some more flights, my strong bat”
>You know, if it keeps her happy, you’re up for it despite the incredible toll on your body’s ATP reserves
>Plus it can be a workout for you
“It can be our little thing Raven. We can fly to all the city sights”
>”I can see it now…”
>She spaces off for a moment, smile growing
>”Whelp, I’m going for a shower. Thanks for the amazing date”
>A kiss is your reward before she trots on off
>You feel like you could lay there forever in your state, but the gentle flapping of wings causes you to perk up
>You’re soon assaulted with a face full of bat
“Doggo please!”
>He ignores your pleas, tiny tongue happily licking your face unrelentingly
>>27522231
We're happy to see you to Doggo.
>>27522231
Check to see if his breath smells like mangoes. We need to make sure our stash isn't breached.
>Finally grabbing him, you gently remove the nocturnal face sucker
“I’m happy to see you to Doggo”
>He screeches, kicking his little legs
“I’m guessing that means you’re hungry?”
>Excited kekekeing is your response
“Alright, well let’s… wait a minute”
>You sniff the air, picking up on something faint
>It smelly… fruity
>As Doggo opens his mouth again you identify the smell as radiating from his breath
“MY STASH!”
>The bat screechs in surprise as you toss him into the air, bolting down the hallway
>Throwing open the last door at the end you flick on the light, small room instantly illuminated
>A safe sits in the middle of the floor, bolted down
>Frantically spinning the dial you enter the code
“Come on… come on!”
>You hear the lock click, throwing it open
>A pile of mangoes rests inside
>They all appear to be in there
>Appear to be
>Picking up the first one you start to count them off, one by one
>As time goes by, the counted pile on the floor grows, fruits in the safe decreasing
“Two hundred and ninety seven, two hundred and ninety eight, two hundred and ninety nine…”
>Reaching your hoof in one last time, it makes contact with no fruit
>Patting around, you search for the missing mango, to no avail
>One short
>ONE SHORT
“DOGGOOOOOOOO!”
>How could this have happened? You paid for premium safe quality!
>>27522651
That's impossible, he shouldn't have been able to get one. RAVEN might have given him one though.
>>27522651
There's no way we miscounted. Raven giving him one is the only answer. Still, that's ok. It's just a single mango. Let's put them back and feed Doggo before going to bed.
>>27522651
Darn. If Rave did it, then we can't complain about anything.
Now all we can do is cry in a corner as our mangoes dwindle one by one.
>Peering back to the pile you shake your head
>There’s no way you miscounted
>There’s also no way that his little battie wings could get the save open, even with the combination
>Unless… Raven gave him one
>The room becomes a little blurry as your eyes water
>It’s just one mango… just one. It doesn’t matter
>And then tomorrow it will be another. And another, and another…
>Your legs start to wobble beneath you
>It wasn’t supposed to end this way
>Gently gathering your delicious valuables, you place each one back in its proper place before slamming the safe shut, spinning the lock
>Finding the strength to trot to the kitchen you find Doggo awaiting eagerly on the table
>Opening the fridge you take out a can of mixed fruit, opening it up for him, which he graciously accepts, shoving a cherry into his mouth with one bite
>”He’s certainly a little pig, isn’t he?”
>Turning you find Raven peeking into the room, towel wrapped around her, mane drooping and damp
>>27523212
Let's confirm it. Ask "what do you mean? It's probably been awhile since he ate."
>>27523212
Y-yeah he sure is, isn't he?
He says this while trying not to express his discomfort about missing mangoes.
>>27523212
a well fed battie is a well behaved battie.
>>27523212
We still need a cage for him, so he can't get into stuff whenever he wants.
>Your mind flashes back to the missing mango, Raven unlocking the safe to pull it away from its comrades
>Tiny fangs plunge into it a moment later, juice splattering
“Y-yeah he sure is, isn't he?”
>”I’ll say, just look at him”
“Well Raven, a well fed battie is a well behaved battie”
>”Well he must be an exceptionally naughty bat. Always stuffing his little face”
"What do you mean? It's probably been awhile since he ate”
>”Oh. Uh, yeah, I mean, it’s been since breakfast right? That’s when you fed him last?”
“Yeah, that’s when I personally fed him last. Unless someone else did”
>Her teeth show as she awkwardly grins
“I mean, there’s always the possibility that somepony fed him since then. Or he was able to get into something himself”
>”Well don’t see how that’s possible”
“I’m just saying. We still need a cage for him, so he can't get into stuff whenever he wants”
>”Y-yeah, in case he decides to eat something while you're gone. But I’m sure that he’s waited patiently for dinner. I-I don’t know how he could have been snacking during the day”
>Her hoof lightly scuffs against the floor, eyes looking around nervously
>>27523575
Yeah... I don't know either... maybe I should change my safe code and add an extra layer of locks.
Pausing
>>27523722
How are we supposed to compete with that?
>>27523722
I love you. Save me some tube sand please.
Maybe we should hide our safe in the basement while under things.
>>27523575
I... appreciate that you're fond of him too dear, but please don't give him my private stuff.
beb
>>27520712
>Batcancer: the CYOA
>>27526445
Vamp's that way pal.
>>27526445
Shiny plis
doggo is a shit
>>27528508
No u
>>27528578
no doggo
“Yeah, I don't know either... maybe I should change my safe code and add an extra layer of locks?
>You watch her tense up a bit, attempting to keep her cool
>”Oh, but he’s just a little bat, there’s no way he could get past the lock anyway”
“I suspect that he did it somehow. I don’t know how, but just to be safe I’ll change it”
>”Ok look”
>She sighs, glancing over to Doggo
>”I opened your safe. I gave him the mango”
“But why?”
>”He just looked hungry! A-and he gave me puppy eyes”
“I... appreciate that you're fond of him too dear, but please don't give him my private stuff”
>”Sorry, I should have known better. But I mean, just look at him!”
>The bat lays on his back, feet lazily kicking in the air as he licks the juice from his wingtips
>”He’s downright adorable. I can’t resist that”
>>27529802
I think we'll have to learn to say no. After all, we don't want to spoil our foal when he or she comes along.
>>27529802
Let's just buy him his own stash so that this can be avoided in the future.
>>27529855
He's a bat, anon.
>>27529802
Bring her into our embrace. We must remain strong honey, lest we spoil him.
>>27529871
they can't be used as treats? we can cut them in half and give him a piece every few days.
>>27529802
Careful dear, cuteness is a very deadly weapon not to be trifled with.
“I think we'll have to learn to say no. After all, we don't want to spoil our foal when he or she comes along”
>You both look back to him, the bat yawning, wings folding up
>”I suppose you’re right… but I still can’t get over those fuzzy little ears”
>Standing up your embrace her, damp fur mixing with yours
“We must stand strong dear, lest we spoil him”
>”But, is a little spoiling really THAT bad?”
“A spoiled battie is a lazy battie. And a lazy battie can’t be employee of the month”
>”Well, I’m glad I married a non-spoiled battie”
“Tell you what, we could go get him a little stash for himself. We’ll cut up tiny bits of fruit that he can snack on during the day”
>”Well, I think before that he may need a bed”
>Peering back the bat yawns once more, ears flopping
>His eyelids slowly begin to shut, the bat unable to stay awake
>>27530294
I'll think about it tomorrow. It's getting quite late and I have to get around Gar for the job tomorrow.
>>27530294
we gotta broomstick we can hang?
bats sleep upside right?
we can also just give him a pillow to lay on.
“I'll think about it tomorrow. It's getting quite late and I have to get around Gar for the job tomorrow”
>”I can’t believe it’s almost Friday already. My first weekend off of work!”
“I remember my first weekend off…”
>’Hey Hype, mind coming in tomorrow to organize sales reports?’
>’Would I ever!’
“Heh… just don’t go too crazy while I’m gone for the weekend”
>”Oh I’ll just be around the house, making sure our little flying fuzz ball doesn’t get into trouble”
“Speaking of the fuzz ball…”
>Gently picking the snoozing bat up you walk him over to the most roostable sight that you can find
>And place his little feet around the end of a broom stick
>”Hype no, that’s my good broom!”
“Oh come on dear, look at him. He’ll get a great night’s sleep here”
>His wings rustle once before quieting down, the bat thoroughly snoring
>”Well, alright. Now come on, we’ve got a bed we need to roost on ourselves”
“You got it. Goodnight Doggo”
>Flicking off the light the two of you make it to the bed room, crawling under the covers
>The dim light of the lamp illuminates the room, the two of you just lying there
>But just as you feel your eyelids begin to grow heavy, your wife sighs
>”I still can’t believe you’re going out to an undisclosed location, for undisclosed reasons, for an undisclosed amount of money… with Gar”
>>27530764
Part of it is just an excuse to spend time with him. It's going to be difficult to see him once he moves. You would do the same if one of your friends was going somewhere right? The money is nice too.
>>27530764
I'm... kinda nervous myself but I know Gar always means well.
“I'm... kinda nervous myself but I know Gar always means well”
>”Neighdeki Tojo meant well too, dear”
“Yeah but Gar’s harmless. Besides, the money is nice, but it’s really just to spend time with him”
>”But you just had guys night”
“But he’s only got a month here, then it's going to be difficult to see him once he moves. You would do the same if one of your friends was going somewhere right?”
>”Well… you’re right”
“See? And I promise you, nothing bad will happen. Maybe something zany, but not bad”
>”You better keep your word. I don’t want to see you and him on the front of the Sunday paper”
“No more national headlines. I promise”
>Leaning over you give her the customary goodnight kiss, the mare softly returning it
>”See you in the morning dear”
>With that, the light flicks off, you two turning in for the night
>…
>As you slowly awaken you hit the alarm clock, glancing at the date
>Ah, Friday… what every collared worker, blue and white, looks forward too
>Hopping out of the bed you can hear noises coming from the kitchen, heading there to get a peak
>Raven appears to be messing with the stove
“Morning dear!”
>”Oh! Up already I see?”
“The alarm does not ring late, nor does it ring early. It rings precisely when it means to”
>”Weirdo”
>She goes back to making what appear to be pancakes
>”So, since you don’t know when you’re leaving, just in case you don’t come back from work, is there anything you want me to do over the weekend?”
>>27531371
Stay beautiful dollface.
>>27531371
go grocery shopping?
“Uh, I’m not sure. I don’t think there’s anything to be done”
>”You sure?”
“Maybe go grocery shopping?”
>She places a couple pancakes in front of you, which you quickly munch on
>”Yeah, I could pick up a nice cage for Doggo. Maybe even some fruit”
>You both look back to the broom stick, the bat still hanging lazily from the handle
“That would be nice. Make sure he can’t just fly around and do whatever he wants during the day”
>Quickly finishing the pancakes you knot your tie, heading for the door
“Thanks for the pancakes dear, but I’ve gotta go”
>”Alright, have fun with Gar. I’ll take care of the shopping”
>Opening up the door, you suddenly look back
“Oh, there is one more thing you can do?”
>”What’s that?”
>Your muzzle curls into a malicious grin
“Stay beautiful dollface”
>”Hey!”
>Laughing you quickly shut the door, trotting outside
>She always hates it when you call her that
>But you still do it time to time to tease her
>As you continue to chuckle you enter the bus stop, vehicle approaching soon after
>Finally making your way into your office you drop your bags, grabbing the relevant files for the day
>The end of the week always consists of lots of tallying, making sure all the week’s sales are properly accounted for
>”Hype!”
>Lowering the papers your favorite zebra stands in the doorway
“Hey Wewuz. What’s going on?”
>”Oh just getting my office ready”
“For what?”
>”What, you forgot? Some corporate big shot is poking around today. Gotta make sure the entire building is squared away”
>>27531831
Our office is perfect and there's nothing we need to do.
>>27531900
Anon, that's blasphemy! We must make our office more perfect, and then we must make sure the building is spic and span, all the while not dropping an ounce off our work!
>>27531900
Have we replaced our desk mango?
>>27531946
That's the janitors responsibility, not ours.
>>27531970
Our desk is cleaner without it.
>>27531831
Well, it's time to get our convenient can of mango scented polish out.
“Wewuz, please. Look around you. This office is the epitome of organized”
>He slowly looks around, you leaning back in the chair with a smug grin
>”It’s, pretty good… but”
“But what?”
>”Your air molecules are unscented”
>You frantically look around, observing the air
>By god, he’s right
>You can organize and measure furniture orientation all day, by not even a protractor can save you from the random madness of air molecule movement
“Wewuz, I’m afraid that I’m going to have to ask you to kindly leave”
>”Huh?”
“Vacate the premises at incredibly high speed”
>”I don-“
>You quickly push him out the door, shutting it
>There is business to be done
>Opening your drawer a conveniently placed can of mango scented spray is retrieved
>Going around the room you make sure to apply fresh, even coats of the spray amongst all altitudes
>Satisfied, you work your way to the desk
>Although it pains you, the display mango is removed
>The desk will appear cleaner without it if he’s a non-bat
>Pulling out some fruit polish, you wipe down every last square inch of the wood, giving it a delicious sheen
>”Hype? You in there?”
>Your door cracks open, causing you to put down the polish
“Oh, hello there boss”
>”From the scent of the place, I assume you know what’s going on?”
“Yes sir! Just prepping the office”
>”Good man. Listen, as employee of the month, you’re my main asset in this company. I just want you to know that I’ll be showing the representative you in your nature environment, if that’s alright with you of course”
>>27532419
Sure. It will pretty much be a normal day.
>>27532419
So you just want me to do what I normally do?
Pausing
Beb
big tittied bats
Have a bump from page 10.
“So you just want me to do what I normally do?”
>”Yeah. Well, kind of”
“Any special instructions?”
>”So, I want you to just use this time to prepare this place, and when we walk in act like it’s a normal day”
“So… you want me to prepare the office, then pretend like I was working before you guys drop in?”
>”Exactly”
“But, it feels so wrong. I’m at work, and yet I’m not working”
>”Well make a good impression on this guy. I hear he might reward some ponies if he likes what he sees”
“A reward?”
>”Yup. I’m not sure what, but I have no doubt that you’ll get it”
>You internally kee in excitement
>Maybe it’s a plaque? Oh! Or it could be a life time supply of office staples!
“I’ll be ready for him sir”
>”I knew I could count on you. Now look alive, he should be here in about an hour”
>He exits on that note, shutting the door behind him
>>27540308
Alright. Time to get the plan into motion. Also, get ourselves a nice looking tie for this event.
>>27540308
Arrange desk in perfect 'working' order.
>>27540308
So just start working I guess.
>Whelp, time to get to “work”
>Placing a couple boxes on your desk you try to arrange it in a neat, yet believable manner
“Hmmm… yeah, that should do it”
>With your work station set up, you can move to phase two
>Make everything perfect
>Spinning your chair around you once more open up your tie cabinet
>Time to break out the big guns
>Removing your trusty work tie, you give it a reassuring grin as it’s hung up
“Don’t worry old friend, this isn’t goodbye. I just need something with a little more punch today”
>Removing a key from your desk you sly look around, to ensure the absence of eavesdroppers
>Sticking it in a locked compartment inside the cabinet, you slowly open the door, hinges creaking
>You knew that one day you’d have the chance to wear this
>And today is that day
>With the utmost care you remove the neck accessory
>It’s brilliant Burgundy color shimmers in the light, the tiny stitched lined patterns just visible enough to please the eye
>The Paris Peace Neighccords were negotiated in the presence of this tie
>You’d rather not think about what it took to secure it, but it’s now in your possession, and that’s what matters
>Your lust is shattered as a knock sounds from the door
>Oh god!
>Shutting the cabinet you quickly throw on the tie, using the masterful art of accelerated knot tying to obtain your desired look
>As the door opens you open up a box, pretending to examine the rocks
>”-nd here he is!”
>Looking up your boss nervously walks in, pointing a hoof to you
>Following up behind him is a shrewd looking unicorn, his sharp eyes locking on you
>”So, this the ten time employee of the month I’ve heard so much about?”
>”Sure is”
>The stallion gives you another examining look before extending his hoof
>”Hype, I am Arbitrageur, regional Standard Mineral Company executive”
>>27541025
Stand up and give a firm shake while maintaining eye contact and a winning smile.
Just like our job interview.
Hypostome, sir. It's a pleasure to meet you!
>>27541025
Grab his hoof firmly and give him a firm two pump shake. It's a pleasure to meet you. I was just sorting and pricing when you came in.
>You stand up, displaying your trademarked winning smile
>Grabbing firmly, you give his hoof a two pump shake, no more, no less
>Maintaining eye contact the entire time, you try to emulate your first job interview
“Hypostome, sir. It's a pleasure to meet you!”
>”Hypostome huh?”
“Well, my friends call me Hype”
>”Hypostome it is then”
>O-oh
>”Busy at work I see?”
“Well, I was actually just sorting and pricing when you came in”
>Pointing a hoof to the desk he peers at the rocks
>”Well, I’ve heard things about your pricing abilities Hypostome. Good things”
“You have?”
>”Of course. For someone who’s been here only a few years, you sort like a lifelong veteran”
“Oh… well, thank you sir, it means a lot to me”
>”You know Hypostome, touring through this building, you want to know what I’ve noticed?”
“What’s that?”
>”It’s completely unremarkable. Undistinguishable from any other company location. From the coffee machine to the sales reports, nothing leaps out at me. Except for you”
“Well, I mean, I just come in and do my job sir”
>”Tell me, what’s your secret? In such an unremarkable location, how have you managed to set yourself apart from your peers?”
>>27541403
Well sir, I wish I could tell there's a secret, but it's just coming in every day ready to work hard.
>>27541403
Well, I'd have to say that it is mainly because I have something to motivate me. Ever since I decided to start a family, I've been working hard to make sure that they'll be happy in the future.
>>27541403
No secret sir, just diligence.
>>27541403
High level of appreciation for the gems?
>>27541403
Guess it's just my special talent.
>>27541465
But that was recent. We can add that now we have extra though.
“No secret sir, just diligence”
>”Surely there has to be more to it than that”
“Well sir, I wish I could tell there's a secret, but it's just coming in every day ready to work hard. Gotta have something that keep me motivated”
>”And, what may I ask, is that?”
“Ever since I decided to start a family, I've been working hard to make sure that they'll be happy in the future. Whenever I feel stressed out at work, I just picture them, and know that I’m doing the right thing”
>”So it all stems from your family?”
“Yes sir. Providing for them is my number one goal”
>”Hmmm…”
>He rubs his chin a couple times before turning to your boss
>”Take a note. Upcoming company policy; All employees must be married by the end of the year”
>”I… what?”
>”We’ll put it out next week”
>Peering back to you his cold, neutral face now displays a genuine smile
>”Hype, I think you’ve helped us solve all of our productivity problems. Soon we will have an entire business filled with Hypes!”
“Uh… thanks?”
>”As a token of our appreciation, I hereby present to you…”
>Oh boy, here it is!
>”THIS!”
>He pulls out a hat from behind his back
“A hat?”
>”Sure! Check it out”
>The red cap has ‘Standard Mineral Company’ written cross it
>On the top is one of those spinny helicopter blades
“I don’t know what to say sir, it’s very… novel?”
>”You should feel very proud of yourself. We only hand out three of those annually nationwide”
>>27541741
Thank you sir, I appreciate the honor.
>>27541741
you should have just said you found it fun. Ask who the other two that got it this year are or who got them last year.
>>27541741
Wow! What an honor.
“Thank you sir, I appreciate the honor”
>”Well the honor is all mine to present it to you”
“If you don’t mind me asking, who were the other two recipients of it this year?”
>”Oh one was on the other side of the country, and the other was in our Van Hoofler division”
“I’m sure they appreciate such a fun hat as much as I do”
>”That’s what I like to hear. Now I must be going, got some more inspections to catch up on”
>With a final hoofshake he exits the room, boss following him
>But as your boss exits he gives you an ecstatic smile and a hoof’s up
>Well, that was… something
>Holding up the hat you give the odd thing a good look, blowing air over it
>The helicopter blades lightly spin in the gust
>Well, you guess it is pretty cool. And you did earn it…
>A moment later it sits firmly on your head as you sit at the desk
>You know? This thing is pretty darn comfy
>Might have to wear it at the wedding
>As you sit their silently with your new award the door creaks open once more, Wewuz poking in
>”Oh thank god, I thought you were getting fired or something when he stopped in her- Woah! Nice hat!”
>>27542006
hat might make it easier to carry raven.
>>27542006
Thanks, it was a reward for being such a good worker.
“Thanks, it was a reward for being such a good worker”
>”They gave you that? As a reward?”
“Yeah, pretty neat huh?”
>”Pretty impressive. They really went all out!”
>He trots up and gives the propeller a push, watching it spin
“I figure this baby might help make it easier to fly Raven around”
>”Hey, maybe if they see me working hard, I’ll get a hat too”
“Well actually, hey only gave ou-“
>”See ya later Hype. In my new helicopter hat of course”
>He departs from your office in a flash
>Shaking your head, you feel for the guy, knowing that no helicopter hat will come
>A tragedy really
>As you contemplate the existential question of whether all ponies are entitled to cool hats, the phone rings
“Hello”
>”Hey, Hype buddy!”
“Gar, what did I saw about calling during work hours?”
>”Oh lighten up a bit, I could be a customer one day. But listen, we’ll pick you up at your house when you get home from work, ok?”
>>27542353
Alright, sounds good.
>>27542353
okay.
So when will you be a customer anyway? Me and Raven have plans, how about you and Ast?
Pausing
>>27542437
boop
>>27543324
beep
We need to give that hat to our foal some day.
>>27545217
Only when he becomes worthy, we ain't spoiling him with the you wus king n shieeet.
>>27545285
but it worked out for Wewuz
beb
>>27546582
no beb
“Alright, sounds good”
>”Well, see you then!”
“Gar wait!”
>”Yeah what’s up?”
“So when will you be a customer anyway?”
>”Me? I don’t have a need for any rocks Hype”
“We sell a lot more then rocks here. In fact I tracked down a gem that I processed here. Me and Raven are having it fitted into her wedding ring”
>”What’s that got to do with me?”
>This stallion sometimes
“Well, me and Raven have plans, how about you and Ast?”
>”Me and Ast? I mean, we were planning on getting hitched after we move”
“Well, ‘getting hitched’ requires a ring, doesn’t it?”
>”I think so? But that’s covered, there’s a gumball machine at work that spits out rings for a bit. You even get a cool plastic case!”
“Uh, well not to ruin your plans Gar, but mares usually like their rings a little more… expensive”
>”Oh. Well, I mean, I guess you’re the expert in that department”
“Trust me Gar, I know this stuff like the back of my hoof”
>”Well what all do you have there? I don’t even know what makes a good ring”
>>27549096
remember the ear rings? Yeah, use emeralds again for the ring
>>27549096
How about a blue ring?
>>27549096
Well, each pony has their own taste in gems. I'm sure a pony with a name related to them would have her own tastes.
You can never go wrong with diamonds, but Miss Asterism seemed to like those emeralds, didn't she? .
>>27549096
Tell you what Gar, I'll help you pick a ring out.
>>27549096
Simple, just ask Ask what her favorite color/gem is.
“Simple, just ask Ask what her favorite color and gem is”
>”But what if I want it to be a surprise?”
“Well, each pony has their own taste in gems. I'm sure a pony with a name related to them would have her own tastes”
>”But she likes ALL gems!”
“Remember those earrings you bought her?”
>”Yeah?”
“Well, I always say that you can never go wrong with diamonds. But Miss Asterism seemed to like those emeralds, didn't she?”
>”Yeah, she loves them”
“There you go then”
>”But that only solves what type of gem to get her. I know nothing else about jewelry”
“Tell you what Gar, I'll help you pick a ring out”
>”You will?”
“Of course! You’re my friend, and that’s what friend do”
>”Well, I’d really appreciate that. With the best mineral salespony on the planet helping, there’s no way I can go wrong!”
>>27549471
so, can you tell me anything about this trip now, or are we going in completely blind?
>>27549471
We'll get him a heck of a deal. Or the best jewel we can find. Well I guess that's all there is to talk about. See you when we get home. How long will be job be anyway? Do we need to bring our night cap or something?
>>27549471
So can you tell me more about this job now?
“I’ll try to get you a nice deal too, best one I can get”
>”Oh you don’t have to do that, I’m already paying you for this weekend anyway”
“Speaking of the weekend, can you tell me about this job now?”
>”NO! I-I mean, you’ll see when we get there”
“So I’m going in completely blind?”
>”About as blind as a bat”
>Giggling starts coming over the phone, Gar unable to contain himself
>You suppose you walked into that one
“Gar please, come on”
>”Sorry, sorry”
“Well can you tell me how long the job is gonna take?”
>”We’ll come back Sunday morning”
“So I should bring me night cap?”
>”I would. And anything else you need to sleep with. Sleep with any stuffed animals?”
“Not since college”
>”Well just bring whatever you like. We’ve got a cabin so don’t worry about space”
“Alright. Guess I’ll see you at home after work?”
>”You sure will. Bye buddy!”
>You don’t even get a chance to respond as Gar slams the phone
>Shaking your head, you breathe a sigh of relief as you finally do some real work
>Crazy guy
>…
>Excitedly checking the clock, you write down the last details for the box you’ve just examined, packing it away
>Packing your bags, you quickly turn off the light, opening the door to leave
>Time for a weekend with the guys and easy mone-
“Oh… hey there”
>Several of your coworkers stand outside your door
“What’s up?”
>”What’s up? What’s up is that thanks to you, we all have to get married!”
>The burst into a rabble of displeased horse noises
>Plus the deer in the back
>”Yeah! And I’m asexual! How is that fair to me?”
“… Weren’t you talking about porn in the break room the other day?”
>”I… that doesn’t count”
>”And I’m a programmer! I have a better chance of winning the lottery than talking to a mare!”
“Guys please, I didn’t know that corporate guy would do this”
>”Yeah? Well you’ve ruined us!”
>>27550034
Guys, just calm down. They can't require marriage as a company policy.
>>27550034
We thought it would be fine to say our wife motivated us because their other top employees probably aren't married either. If we said fishing made us good workers would any of you expect that it's required for us all to fish?
anyway talk to him about it, not me.
>>27550034
I... I don't know how to react to this kind of situation... I guess we should break for the boss' office?
>>27550055
pretty sure they can. Used to be pretty common actually.
>>27550236
They can ask you for proof of marriage if you're on a company insurance plan, but they can't fire you or refuse employment because you're not married.
“Guys, just calm down. They can't require marriage as a company policy”
>”Well the guy from corporate said it was going to be!”
“We thought it would be fine to say our wife motivated us because their other top employees probably aren't married either. If we said fishing made us good workers would any of you expect that it's required for us all to fish?”
>”Probably!”
“Look guys, it’s going to be ok. Nopony’s getting married”
>”Alright, we’ve heard enough out of this guy. GET HIM!”
>You yelp as the growing crowd surges forward, just barely avoiding their grasp as you flap out of range
>Soon more coworkers come spilling into the hallway, some staring on in awe, some joining the crowd, now at least a couple dozen strong
>”Don’t let him get away!”
“BOOOOOOSS!”
>Galloping down the hallway in sheer terror your once peaceful coworkers are right on your heels, calls for a beta uprising echoing behind you
>Turning the corner you cringe as you fling open the door rather than knocking
>Slamming it behind you the lock is turned, hooves pounding against it a second afterwards
>Slumping up against it, you hyperventilate, trying to catch your breath
>That was too close
>”Hype?”
>Your boss peers at you from his desk, eyes in confused shock
>>27550418
Boss, I was wondering if it was possible to retract the marriage policy that was recently enacted.
Just because I'm motivated by marriage doesn't mean that everyone is motivated by the same thing. I mean, I was employee of the month before I got together with Raven.
>>27550418
WAKE ME UP
SAVE ME
>>27550448
CANT WAKE UP
“SAVE ME”
>”Woah, just calm down. What’s going on out there?”
“All the single guys are mad at me because of the new company marriage policy and they want to inflict mob justice!”
>”Mob justice? There will be no mob justice at MY business”
“Boss, is it was possible to retract the marriage policy that was recently enacted?”
>”I could go talk to higher”
“Well, just because I'm motivated by marriage doesn't mean that everyone is motivated by the same thing. I mean, I was employee of the month before I got together with Raven”
>”Hm. That’s right… tell you what, I’ll fix this over the weekend”
“You will?”
>”If someone doesn’t want to get married, then so be it. I’ll turn this thing around. Promise”
“Thanks sir…”
>”Can’t have my prized employee thrown under the bus, now can I?”
>Standing up he makes his way to the door, unlocking it
“No wait!”
>”Relax. I’ll just have a little chat with them”
>Upon opening the door the first thing you see in the hallway is a shoddily crafted stockade made out of busted desks and chairs
>”Where is he? His consequences await”
>”Oh put that thing away”
>Kicking back with his hoof, the door shuts once more
>Hiding behind his desk, shivering, you can barely hear what’s going on, your boss murmuring
>At least they aren’t screaming anymore
>After a few more minutes the doorknob begins to turn, your eyes growing wide
>But your boss' face reassures you
>”Alright, they’ve dispersed. I don’t think they’ll be bothering you anymore Hype”
>>27550818
Thanks a lot sir, I really appreciate it.
>>27550818
Let's go home. ponies are crazy.
Pausing
>>27550818
Best boss ever.
Hype is a chad among his co workers
We should go pick up our hat.
time to get your bump on
we should get a flashlight.
>>27557516
MAGA hat?
>Cautiously coming out from behind the desk, you walk over, peeking your head around the corner
>Everyone seems to have gone away, the stockade no longer there
“Thanks a lot sir, I really appreciate it”
>”Just tell me if anything else comes up. I’ll fix this problem as soon as possible”
“Well, have a nice weekend. I’ll try to get out of here without being attacked by an angry mob”
>Quickly slinking away you make straight for the exit, not making eye contact with anyone as you exit the building
>Immediately you take to the air, flapping away
>Ponies are crazy man
>As you soar through the clouds your helicopter hat spins furiously
>Wonder if it provides any extra lift?
>Not having time to answer that question you dive ground wards, gliding to your doorstep
>With a perfect landing you unlock the door, stepping inside
>”You home Hype?”
“Y-yeah dear”
>Heading towards the kitchen you find her unpacking groceries
>"What's going on? Work alright?"
>>27560588
You would not believe the day I had. Some corporate pony came to see how we were doing at the company and said that I was doing exceptionally well these past few months and wanted to know my secret. Told him that being married kept me motivated and then he made it company policy that everypony had to be married! They got mad at me and then formed a mob. the boss resolved it though. I also got this hat.
>>27560588
>>27560653
Yep. It was worth this hat. You think it goes good with my tie?
“You would not believe the day I had”
>”Oh? Tell me about it”
“Some corporate pony came to see how we were doing at the company and said that I was doing exceptionally well these past few months and wanted to know my secret. Told him that being married kept me motivated and then he made it company policy that everypony had to be married!”
>”Well that’s stupid”
“I know! And then my less socially fluent coworkers got mad at me and then formed a mob. The boss resolved it though”
>”They didn’t hurt my husband did they? Because if they laid a single hoof on you I’ll go in there and tear every single one of them a-“
“No no! I’m fine. It’s going to be ok”
>”You sure? Don’t you lie to me”
“Positive. It’ll be fixed by Monday”
>”Well… alright. At least you’re ok”
“But check out this sweet hat I got!”
>”Is that a helicopter blade?”
“Sure is babe. Check it”
>Reaching up you give it a slight tap, the propeller rotating a couple times
>”I must say, it’s pretty fancy”
“Well, it was all worth it for this hat. You think it goes good with my tie?”
>”Looks good to me. Is it part of your official work attire now?”
“Maybe? I was also thinking about having it mounted”
>Raven reaches over, taking some more groceries out of a bag
>”Well, you can figure that out later. Gar called a little while ago, said he’d be here in 20 minutes and you need to be ready”
>>27561146
Alright. Go pack, grab sleeping clothes, a flashlight, a few snacks, toiletries, and whatever else is important to us.
>>27561146
Put away sweet helicopter hat. Get flashlight and batteries. Get sleeping hat. Tell doggo to be a good boy. Tell Raven you love her. Grab a bite to eat.
Can't think of anything else.
>>27561146
Grab suggestive things. Like shovels, large (not body) bags, gloves, a rock, and pineapple juice.
beb
“Oh gosh, I gotta get ready!”
>Trotting into the living room you take your sweet helicopter hat off, giving it a loving look
“You’ll be happy here”
>Clearing off a nice spot, it’s placed upon the mantel
>Entering your bedroom, the open up the closet, digging around
>Soon you have your sleeping bag, plus your bat themed sleepy cap
>The nightstand next to your bed is the next to be searched, flashlight and batteries obtained from it
>Toiletries are checked off after that, a small travel bag filled
>Now, for some fun…
>Silently creeping into the hallway closet you pull out a shovel
>Gathering up a few ten gallon bags and some gloves, you head into the kitchen
“Hey Raven, do we have pineapple juice?”
>”Pineapple juice? I don’t think so… what is all that?”
>She peers at your odd assortment of gear
“This? It’s just my camping luggage”
>”Oh hell no. Are you participating in shady activities?”
>You quickly regret your practical joke as her eyes start to glow a furious green
>”If I turn on the news and you’re in custody, THE POLICE ARE GOING TO BE THE LEAST OF YOUR WORRIES”
>You fall back on your plot, Raven gritting her teeth
>>27561954
Time to skedaddle like the wind! Laughing along the way.
>>27561954
I don't care, that was funny.
>>27561990
>>27562014
Say goodbye to Raven's trust.
>>27561954
Okay, okay, I'll put them back.
>>27562051
Don't worry mate. The worst that can happen is we'll be sent a one way trip to Hell. Who knows? Maybe the demons there are actually pretty chill.
>>27561954
IT'S JUST A PRANK HONEY, i dindu nuffin yet
>>27561954
IT'S JUST A PRANK HONEY, i dindu nuffin yet...I mean never.
>>27562105
>>27562090
Just fuck my shit up captcha
“IT'S JUST A PRANK HONEY!”
>Flipping over you begin to gallop away, giggling like a mad stallion
>But you lurch backwards as something grabs your tail
>”Get back here!”
>Peering back Raven’s magic pulls you towards her inch by inch, so matter how hard you try to claw away
>You’re unceremoniously dumped back in front of your pissed wife
“Honey please, I dindu nuffin… yet”
>”I swear, you better not do anything stupid on this trip, or you’re a dead pony! Got it?”
“Y-yes”
>She gives your gear another icy look
“Okay, okay, I'll put them back”
>”You’re damn right you will”
>Her magic grip released, you get back up, quickly skittering away, tail tucked between your legs
>Well, it was fun while it lasted
>Putting the stuff back, a doorbell interrupts you
>Excitedly galloping over to it, you quickly fling it open
>A white unicorn and rather large bat stand in your doorstep, grinning uncontrollably
>”You ready for the best weekend of your life?”
>>27562522
are we going to princess world? (or whatever the Disney equivalent is)
>>27562522
C-can we at least have the pineapple juice?
“Are we going to princess world?”
>”Don’t be silly, we’re going somewhere that actually exists. But Whatever you’re imagining, I guarantee it’ll be twice as fun!”
>Twice as fun? That’s a lot of fun”
“Hang on, I’ll get my bags!”
>With a spring in your step you rocket off back into your home, grabbing your supplies
>”I see you’ve got a more sensible packing list now”
“Raven, c-can I at least have the pineapple juice?”
>Her eyes roll, but she hands it out, you snatching the jug
“Th-thanks”
>”Just promise me to be safe while you’re having fun”
“I promise, no embarrassing accidents”
>Giving her a smooch on the cheek she gives you a quick hug before sending you on your way
>Turning the corner, you head straight for the door
“Hey guys, I’m ready!”
>But they don’t pay attention to your remark
>Both of them stand there, giggling like they just injected a weed
>Looking up you see what’s got them acting that way
>Doggo is perched on top of Gar’s head, nibbling on his ear
>>27562929
D'aww. He remembers you.
>>27562929
Careful Gar. Raven may not approve of Doggo going away on this trip.
>>27562929
Doggo pls.
You gotta hold down the fort while I'm gone.
“D'aww. He remembers you”
>”I guess so. I think my ear tastes good”
>Reaching up you gently remove the bat from his head, the little guy kicking his legs in protest
“Doggo please, you’ve got to hold down the fort in my absence”
>A screech is your response
>”Oh come on Hype, let’s bring him! He looks friendly enough”
“Careful Gar. Raven may not approve of Doggo going away on this trip”
>”Why not? She need him for a potion?”
“N-no… I’ll have you know that she’s very attached to him”
>Holding the bat up you your face you begin again
“I’ll be back in a couple days. In the meantime, you keep Raven company”
>He stares blankly
“And I’ve heard that she rewards good little batties with fresh fruit”
>”KEKEKEKEKE”
>The bat breaks free from your grip, doing a flip midair before zooming back into the house
>Guess he understands just fine
>”I figured you would have gotten rid of him. Thought Raven said no pets?”
>>27563318
Heh.
Raven likes bats.
>>27563318
I can be very persuasive.
>>27563318
She did, but she changed her tune real quick with Doggo
>>27563318
We're a couple, we both get a say and we co-operate with each others likes and dislikes.
Pausing
>>27563318
As we leave, yell out "Don't worry Raven! Gar and his friends already brought some shovels and bags! Cya!"
And then you all run before she can react.
>>27563471
Let's not push it
>>27563471
N...no
Hype apreciates his life famu
>>27563476
>>27563489
Cmon guys? What could possibly go wrong?
>>27563471
Maybe we can just say byedollface
>>27563508
voodoo doll made from our brushie hair.
Let's get away from page nine.
I hope the weekend we have will be tons of fun.
I want to be Res'd inside.
bebbo
>>27565709
deddo
>>27569623
Hold your horses, folks.
>>27570369
Now hold on. W-we can talk about this.
“I guess you could say Raven likes bats”
>Fruggy snickers in the background
“But let’s just say that I can be very persuasive”
>”I don’t take Raven as the type to be persuaded”
“We're a couple, we both get a say and we co-operate with each other’s likes and dislikes”
>”So you agree to be dyed pink on occasion?”
“… Ok look, she just likes Doggo. I don’t know why, but I guess he was too cute to ignore”
>”He is pretty adorable. But enough bat talk, we gotta go”
>Peering back into the house you pick up your gear
“Alright Raven, I’m leaving!”
>She calls out from back in the kitchen you assume
>”Stay safe! Love you!”
“Love you too… dollface”
>”HYPE!”
>Giggling, you slam the door, quickly ushering the other two to the awaiting chariot before Raven blasts her way outside
>Gar climbing in the Driver’s seat, Fruggy takes the passenger’s, you yourself quickly throwing your gear in the truck before hopping in the back
>Moments later you all speed away
>Fruggy begins to fiddle with the radio up front, Gar looking into the rearview mirror
>”So after we pick up Rocker, we’re stopping at Ponemart real quick. You want anything?”
>>27571714
Nah, I'm good.
>>27571714
A candy bar would be nice.
>>27571714
fruit marshmallows.
>>27571714
Whose car is this? Is it Gar's? Man, he's really moved up in the world. I'm sure he cherishes it.
>>27571866
Whats a car? this is very clearly a motorized chariot. Cheaper than paying an earth pony.
>>27571714
Banana chips.
“A candy bar would be nice, if you don’t mind”
>”If you want something, don’t hesitate to ask”
“Well… do you guys have fruit marshmallows?”
>”You bet we do. Anything else?”
“Uh, are banana chips out of the question?”
>”Not at all!”
>Thanking him, you take to looking out the window, chariots going by as normal
“So who’s chariot is this?”
>Gar turns slightly around
>”Oh it’s mine. Pretty nice huh?”
>You’re surprised Gar’s been buying all these things lately. Just a few months ago he was on minimum wage after all
“You like it huh?”
>”Oh yeah! Never had a chariot before”
“How’d you even buy it?”
>”Oh, y-you know, got that manager position, ran into some money… nothing big”
>>27572096
Just don't get too spendy. I'd hate to see you up to your neck in debt. Budgeting is important, I could help you and Ast make one if you want.
50% to the essentials, 30% to lifestyle choices, 20% to savings.
>>27572096
Glad things are going well for you! I just got a raise myself.
>>27572096
I know that this trip is a surprise.... but is it going to involve shady business? I need to know because Raven had a serious talk with me if it came to that...
“Glad things are going well for you! I just got a raise myself”
>”Well congrats. Looks like life is looking up for the two of us”
>”I… I made manager too”
>”The three of us!”
“Just don't get too spendy. I'd hate to see you up to your neck in debt. Budgeting is important, I could help you and Ast make one if you want”
>”Hype, please. I am as thrifty as a mule with my money”
“Well, I’m just sayin-“
>”Hey Fruggy, check this out”
>The window rolls down, Gar producing a paper airplane
>Made out of money
>Casually tossing it out of the window they briefly watch it fly into traffic, chuckling
>Well then
“So, uh… I know that this trip is a surprise, but is it going to involve shady business? I need to know because Raven had a serious talk with me if it came to that”
>”Hype, everything we’re doing you should consider 100% Raven approved”
>>27572558
How long until we get there so?
>>27572558
I'm keeping an open mind, but if there's anything bad, I'll abstain from it. If I witness something bad happening, then I'm an accomplice, and it's my civic duty to report it.
Just a warning.
“I'm keeping an open mind, but if there's anything bad, I'll abstain from it. If I witness something bad happening, then I'm an accomplice, and it's my civic duty to report it”
>You straighten your posture, trying to look serious
“Just a warning”
>”Report this, civic boy”
>As you open your mouth to respond, something is shoved in it, a burst of sweet flavor hitting your tongue
>A sizeable mango is lodged in your muzzle
>Taking a bite you pull the fruit out, taking your time to swallow
“Thanks… but don’t think that a mango s going to win me over if there’s illegal activity going on”
>”Hype, trust me. We’re just some stallions going out to have a fun weekend. Nothing illegal is going on”
>You give them both a suspicious glare
“I’ll be watching regardless…”
>”It’ll be fine. Just relax buddy”
>You melt back into the seat, enjoying to soft cushions
“How far is this place anyway?”
>”It’s a little ways out of town. But we’re picking up Rocker right now”
>Abruptly swerving into a drive way, you lurch as the chariot comes to a stop
>He wasn’t kidding
>Honking the horn a couple times, the door opens Rocker slowly trotting out
>He places his stuff in the trunk and opens the door, sliding up in the seat next to you
>Looking at the house, you see Nightlight peering out a window, large smile on her face as she waves
>It almost looks like she’s wearing… a nurse outfit?
“Hey, I didn’t know your marefriend worked at the hospital”
>Rocker lazily looks over, eyes looking tired
>”S-she doesn’t…”
>>27572891
why is she wearing that outfit for then?
>>27572891
Strange, I wonder why she's dressed up as a nurse then. Are you sick Rocker? You look really tired.
>Huh. Wonder why she’s got that on?
“Are you sick Rocker? You look really tired”
>”No no, I’m just… tired”
“Why’s she got a nurse uniform then?”
>”She’s just, you know…”
>His eyes start to shut, snoring almost instantly
“Know what? WHAT?”
>He continues to snooze away, unable to hear you
“I don’t know though!”
>”Best just leave him be Hype, that way he’ll be awake and ready to have fun when we get there”
>Nodding, you look out the window once again, Rocker still snoring away
>Not long afterward Gar pulls into Ponemart, parking in the lot
>”You guys wait here, I’ll go grab what you wanted”
>Slamming the door, the unicorn gallops off, heading inside
>Unbuckling his seat belt, Fruggy turns around, looking at the back seat
>”So, Raven…”
“Yeah… Raven?”
>He stares at you for a few seconds, wiggling his eyebrows in an odd manner
“You ok?”
>”Yeah, just curious. I’m thinking about starting a relationship with a somewhat… overbearing? That might not be the right word. But I might be starting a relationship with a dominate mare. Got any suggestions?”
>>27573240
Well, it takes a lot of work, but mostly it boils down to being patient. As long as you both love each other, it'll work out if keep putting effort into it, I promise.
>>27573240
Mostly listen to what she says but stick up for yourself sometimes.
“Well, it takes a lot of work, but mostly it boils down to being patient”
>”That’s no problem. Just being a friend with her requires some patience”
“As long as you both love each other, it'll work out if keep putting effort into it, I promise”
>”Is it hard work?”
“It can be. Trust me, it can be. Raven’s not the most forgiving pony, but I do my best to work with her”
>”Well I have no problem putting forth the effort”
>”Then you’ll be just fine. But another thing is, listen to what she says but stick up for yourself sometimes”
>”But she always gets what she wants sooner or later…”
“You gotta make sure she knows what your stance on the matter is”
>”It’s not like she’s bossy or anything, just… she always finds a way to persuade you”
“Well, as long as you two or happy that’s what counts most. Just remember that”
>”Thanks Hype. You know, you should write an advice book sometime”
“Maybe someday Fruggy”
>The chariot door opens once more, Gar entering
>A pile of snacks are thrown on your lap
>”There you are, fruit flavored marshmallows, banana chips, and a candy bar”
>>27573681
Thanks, really appreciate it. Bite into that candy bar and taste that sweet chocolate.
Pausing
boop
We need fang skub.
>>27575476
Do they even make it?
>>27576304
If not, we could make billions.
daily reminder that we killed shade
>>27576446
But Hype dindu nuffin.
Clearly a superior protagonist.
>>27576446
He's happier now
>>27575476
It's called toothpaste you dum
>>27576504
Yeah, he's dead happy.
>>27576522
>using regular toothpaste on battie fangs
This is why no one will touch you anon.
>>27577302
bats don't deserve to be touched
beep
“Thanks Gar, really appreciate it”
>Removing the wrapper you take a bite, savoring the chocolatey goodness
>He did a pretty good job of picking a brand
>”No need to thank me, all my friends deserve chocolate”
>He turns on the chariot
>”Except Fruggy. He deserves fruit”
>Gar hands over a bag of grapes to the bat, who quickly tears them open
>As you finish off your treat Gar pulls onto the highway, leading you out of town
>Soon enough the buildings get smaller in the distance, the suburbs taking over
>And even they give way to farmland eventually
>About an hour down the road and you’re all just chatting around about stallion things
>Like if it’s right to ban all Mooselim immigrants to Equestria
>Which just leads into Gar ranting about Obata
>Wonder if mares ever discuss this stuff?
“So how much further do we have to go?”
>”Oh… I’d say about an hour. We’ll be there before 8”
>”That should give us maybe a couple hours of sun”
>”I call dibs on the inner tube!”
>A yawn ends the conversation, followed by a groan
>Rocker twitches a couple times before opening his eyes, sitting up as his nap ends
>”What’d I miss?”
>”Oh not much. We’ll be there soon”
>”Cool”
>The unicorn reaches up, lightly rubbing his face
“How’d you get that black eye?”
>”O-oh, this? Don’t worry about I… walked into a door”
>”So Hype, how good would you say your echolocation is on a scale of 'blind as a bat' to 'can sense a fruit drop at 200 yards'?”
>>27581729
I work an office job involving rocks, so probably not that great.
What about Fruggy though? That second example sounds up his alley.
>>27581729
damn rocker, is sure is a clumsy pony. tell gar our peak hearing is 75 yards. that sounds average and fair. or maybe it should be 50?
>>27581729
I don't often have a lot of practice with it.
I'd say good enough to not bump into things in the house without turning on the lights.
>>27581729
I'd say fruit sense at 200 yards. When you're with Raven, you have to spot mistakes before they happen.
“I work an office job involving rocks, so probably not that great. I don't often have a lot of practice with it to be honest”
>”Well if you had to estimate, what would you say?”
“I'd say good enough to not bump into things in the house without turning on the lights”
>”What about outside?”
“I’d say peak range of fruit sense is about 75 yards… well, maybe 50”
>”Well, that’s not… bad”
“But all this sounds right up Fruggy’s alley. I bet he could detect a fruit from a mile away”
>”312 yards actually. Maybe more on a good day”
“See? He’s got us covered for whatever you’re asking”
>Fruggy turns in his seat, looking back at you
>”Come on Hype, I know you could do better than 50 yards. You just gotta get out there, and let your inner bat out!”
>>27582270
what the hell does that even mean?I don't have an "inner bat". I'm just hype.
>>27582270
But I already let doggo out.
>>27582270
Mother always told me to keep my kees to myself or bad things could happen.
>>27582270
But I don't have any bats inside of me to let out, Gar.
“But I already let doggo out before we left”
>”No, not like that. Like YOUR inner bat”
“…But I don't have any bats inside of me to let out, Gar”
>Him and Fruggy give each other an odd look
>The bat looks back once more
>”I don’t think you’re quite understanding”
“Well what the heck does that even mean? I don't have an ‘inner bat’. I'm just Hype”
>”You know, just become the natural bat. We all have it in us. Well except for Gar and Rocker”
>”Y-yeah…”
“Mother always told me to keep my kees to myself or bad things could happen”
>”Now that’s not true. I keed all the time in high school, and look at me know! Head of the produce department!”
“I don’t know…”
>”We’re on a nice little vacation Hype, what could go wrong? It’ll heighten your senses, I promise”
>>27582916
But in order to stay a good battie, I have to always kekeke responsibly.
Pausing early tonight
>>27582916
>”You know, just become the natural bat. We all have it in us. Well except for Gar and Rocker”
>”Y-yeah…”
kek
I bet Rocker eats so much ass, it's starting to affect his nutrition.
>>27583378
why would you need anything else?
>>27583048
[internal keke]
>>27582916
Is this that keer pressure mother warned us about?
Dindu nuffin.
>Oh god
>Is this that keer pressure mother warned you about?
>It’s ok Hype, just stay firm. Remember your morals
“But Fruggy, in order to stay a good battie, I have to always kekeke responsibly”
>”Suit yourself. But there’s nothing wrong with loosening up from time to time. I mean, it’s what our ancestors were meant to do”
>Yes and there used to be a time when it was acceptable to kick rival stallion’s foals to death
>The rest of the ride is mostly quiet, except for the radio quietly playing
>But as you leave the highway behind and head down increasingly smaller roads, you begin to pay more attention to the surroundings
>The chariot goes over rolling hills of grass, woods out in the distance
>Gar turns the wheel, sending you all down a gravel road
>Soon the light level dims as you enter the forest, little rocks kicking up behind the tires
>Heading into a little clearing, Gar parks it
>”Whelp, here we are!”
>The trees thin out, a field not far in the distance
>A small cabin rests about a hundred yards in front of you, pond off to its side
>”I call top bunk!”
>Everypony immediately unbuckles themselves, stepping out of the vehicle to stretch
