>>8229838
Don't post it here you retard. If your publisher catches wind of this they might drop you for violating your contract.

Its not a big read, Just need to know if i should keep growing or scap names or any ideas to throw in? Its a tinyURL

last bit is

zz4ogjg

>>8229852
also dude ive got permission as they havent finalized my contract yet and it doesn't stipulate digital, + im from aus and posting in US and my contract is VOID international as of yet

Ill keep my eye on the thread for criticism/comments

thanks guiz

I didnt edit properly and there are quite a few mistakes but read over them, Would you guys be interested in the final product given the story matter????

>>8229892
im a retard - how do i access it

>>8229898

tinyurl dot com forwardslash

Then copy and paste zz4ogjg

>>8229838
>sort of a scifi approach on capitalism etc...

fuck you faggot

>remove the commas in the parenthesis
>I am yes, Dead
Yes -- I am Dead --
>periods and Capitalizations, etc

Your writing is awesome! lol'd heartily at some parts.

I'd just wait to share anymore and see a legit editor though before completely publishing

>pergatory

>>8229932
I really appreciate the comment and thankyou for over looking the obvious grammatical and editorial mistakes

>>8229933
Yeah that will be rectified


Im seeing my editor tomorrow, Just wanted to see what you fellas thought. Heres the first paragraph edited properly.


My name is Nat Ross, I am a smalk lady and thus lack thrength tho despite this do I fear my fate, Fear is something you cannot hold onto down here in purgatory,I woke up here one morning, in what was a warmer version of a cold storage vat in a morgue, and after countless hours of questioning I was given a cunclusive ansewer.. that I am yes, Dead, and have been for over 185 years. I lived along the Mississippi, just out of Jackson, We made moonshine and robbed banks, I was short from our last haul and shot and killed by an ex partner of mine after he found out i'd been sheet huggin a good %60 of the cash we stole, damn cowererd put near 9 full 308. rounds into my once beautiful chest, being close enough at the time I took to it stuck the fucker 4 times in the throat with my blade, the whisky soaked ferrat dropped quicker hail and before I blacked out I got the chance to see him try and swim back to his horse in a pool of his own blood, I certainly died laughing, I was never a good girl, my mother gave me the name Natalie but they knew me around Mississippi as The fry cook, because given the presence of certain variables and the right people I would prepare, season and eat my victims, and give the bones to the pigs.. It was never about the killing, the eating of another mans flesh become a primal experience for me that seemed to transcend any moral or rational thought I might have have had, for the few hours I dined I became the embodiment of hedonistic desire, a living ideology. These men where fools regardless, vacantly thinking feeding me whiskey and displaying dominance among others would impress me, I stood by watching a parade of adult men dancing around like chimpanzees with itchy assholes and then they approach me as if to think im gonna let em ride this cowl girl home??

Ive used more South-ish prose to set the mood for the flash back (before she died

>>8229943
Lol spelling is still off...


To much adderall.
Im getting some sleep once ive spoken to my editor and its been put together properly if my publisher okays it ill put a few chapters up! Thanks guys

It works quite well with the knowledge that her speech is meant to be southern. Without that knowledge, it feels incoherent. I would suggest subtly hinting to the reader that her voice and attitude are southern, as without knowing this it is hard to see the direction behind it.

>>8229959
Also
LOL this shit is Fucking wierd.

>>8229943
I'm trying to be offensive or anything. But if I'm being trolled, I need to know.
And if american publishers actually pay money for this level of writing, well, I need to know that as well.

>>8229992
*not trying.
fuck off freud.

>>8229992
Nah, I was being serious. But idk man, seems like scifi I'd read

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60 KB, 415x577

>>8229943
>I became the embodiment of hedonistic desire, a living ideology
>'GOD' whos name is heyzues
>scifi approach on capitalism

Who in his right mind would read, let alone publish such trash? How old are you?

How do you even plan on writing a novella on topics you know nothing about?

>>8230006
Whoops, read wrong quote, not that guy

>>8229932
>>8229959
this has to be OP samefagging. the writing is a rambling mess and even if its disastrous grammar was cleared up, it still wouldn't make much sense on a literal level. I mean, it's sort of interesting if you look at it as an avant-garde approach (almost like a cross between Faulkner and Beckett, I guess?), but I didn't get the sense it was on purpose.

Im gonna post the wakefield edited version, I might get in trouble but im getttin some h8


Read this and tell me im an awful writer and that the story will be bad and ill never return and never write again :)

I live on Dysnomia, the moon of eris.
Dysnomia is not large, and there is but 1 single city. While the number of people ariving daily is steadily rising many of these men and women do not ask to enter purgatory to find the answers lifes always kept hidden. Those who are rapists and murderers and are terminated or banished to the M341 (Andromeda) galaxy, those whom are good of heart can choose to be kept comfortably alive in a pod free of human interaction left to float and travel an eternity of lonesome ponder, dancing freely through the starrs others choose not to be Put to rest among the star dust and instead know of there fate, Known of the capitalism that drives Dysnomia, Know of the greed and hate that lays beneath the throme of Eris... So they are sent to the sun..willingly, because only in the split seccond you remain alive to experience the sun, the in that hundreth of a seccond you open your eyes and see the energy and power that illuminated our galaxy... Death doesn't seem so bad. You should know now Earth-child Hell does not exist like the living-ones have made you believe, there is to little time, hell and heaven are in the heart of man, the human soul is the only toul we have at closing the door to one and opening it to the other... Eris is the cenetral hub for commerce, finance, and copious dark matter reserves, reserves that fuel the galaxy for billions of killimeters in each direction, and fuels that without, Eris would not be able to operate there star dropper and open the worm home and it is through this worm hole, Trade is done much like earth. yellow is merely the mascot for a major coroporate company, of which Heyzues is the largest share holder. He goverens heavily with benevolent dictatorship And his name? Heyzues, Spelt Jesus, though its a matter of prenounciation, the just-dieds will learn shortly after they arive if you want to be looked after than treat the facility with the same respect you would a restraunt........in communist Russia.. Unavoidable signs plaster the street, propoganda and relevent information is available on each and every block, and all in graciousness of our god Heyzeus, Bosting free health-care for the sick (Yet were already did) HDL/LDL Heart checks (For hearts that are no longer beating), considering I died hundreds of years ago, Ill pass on this years SIgn up fee..... We Dysmons do die, We Dsymons do get sick, We dysmons do wake up with errections in the morning. we are not so different. Upon reaching Dysmonia, Purgatory offers life limits; Human beings get 1000 years, Angels get 5000 years and the Arch angels (whom Heyzues sent from Eris to Dystomnia to police and govern, get 2000) after that we are broken down atomically and return to the cosmic well. The afterlife is no less eternal than the preceeding life, only a lot longer, speaking to many of those who are nearing there defrabrication, who who have accepeted Heyzues and seen the rivers of Eris.