ITT: Try to write as much as you can of the first page of a book from memory, then laugh at the mistakes others are making
I'll start:
riverrun past Eve and Adam's, through swerve of shore and bend of bay, brings us by a commodious vicous of recirculation to Howth Castle and Environs...
Aujourd'hui, maman est morte
how would anyone come even close
>>8166873
See the child. He is pale and thin. Tattered rags or something. This is your dad now. Leonids were crazy, stars were falling all over the place
>>8166858
Gregor Samsa woke up in his bed transformed into a horrible vermin.
>>8166875
See the boy. He is pale and thin. He stokes the scullery fire and I forgot the rest but probably closer than you
>>8166858
>Lolita. Light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta. The tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo lee ta.
>She was Lo, plain Lo, in the morning, standing four feet ten in one sock. She was Lola in slacks. She was Dolly at school. She was Dolores on the dotted line. But in my arms she was always Lolita.
>Did she have a precursor? Indeed she did. And (something something) might never have (something something) at all had I not loved, one summer, a certain initial girl-child, in a princedom by the sea. Oh when? About as many years before Lolita was born as my age was that summer. You can always count on a murderer for a fancy prose style.
>Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, exhibit A is (something something, probably) that which those noble, (some other word; misinformed?) noble-winged seraphs coveted. Look at this tangle of thorns.
This is as close as I can get. Can't do John Ray's bullshit, sorry
Stately, Plump Buck Mulligan walked into the hallway with a mirror and a razor... Fuck this is hard
Call me Ishmael. Some years ago–never mind how long precisely–and with little or no money in my purse, I decided to go out and about or something to see the watery part of the world.
>>8166884
Hey, translations are cheating
>>8166894
...laid crosswise on...
I still get nightmares. Have been for months now. Should be used to them by now. I'm not. No one ever gets used to nightmares
>>8166894
Stately, plump Buck Mulligan came down from the stairhead, and the moocow was right on his tail.
The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the mind to correlate all it's contents.
(Fuck I know I messed up at least the apostrophe but I'll keep it for honesty, although I'm not sure it wasn't autocorrect).
Once upon a time and a very good time it was there was a moocow coming on down the road and this moocow was coming on down the road and met a nicens little boy called baby tuckoo
>>8166929
When you wet the bed first it is warm and then it is cold
>>8166888
I got you my man
>Doritos, light of my life, cheese on my fingers. My hunger, my munchies. Do-ree-toes: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Do. Ree. Tos. It was chips, plain chips, during lunch, weighing one-point-eight ounces in one hand. It was Nacho Cheese for snacks. It was Cool Ranch at school. It was Salsa Verde in the shopping line. But in my mouth it was always Doritos.
If you really want to know about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is everyone's a bunch of god-damn phoneys. The second is that I raped my sister, Phoebe.
>>8166947
>Do-ree-toes: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Do. Ree. Tos
>>8166958
It doesn't work. Your tongue doesn't touch anything when it says "ree"
Stately, plump Buck Mulligan came down the staircase bearing his dick in one hand a razor in the other.
—Yo, said Stephen. —The fuck you doing?
—I have to be a good boy for Mommy, said plump Buck Mulligan, and chopped off the head of his penis.
Chrysostomos: golden tooth.
Something like that, anyway.
Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday, I'm not sure.
>>8166960
Works on so many levels (two)
>>8166960
reeEEEEEEEEeeeEEEEEEE
>>8166960
>not speaking in a Latin dialect like a real romantic
>>8166978
>reee is something autistic virgins say
>the tongue doesn't touch anything when you say it
>just like how people who say ree will never be touched
woah
In the beginning, God said let there be light. And there was light, and it was good. On the second day God said let there be night, and there was night, and it divided the time. On the third day, god said let there be animals. On the fourth day God created man, and he was a horny little shit, so God made women the next day from his rib to satisfy and reproduce. On the seventh day, God saw that his creation was good, and he rested.
it was a beautiful winter's day miss lady had a pie baking in the oven. the scent of which was nice as fuck. the kid threw snowballs outside or some shit. them they came inside to chill around a really sick nice ass Chippendale coffee table and listen to a story or something.
>>8166989
Pretty close.
odepissedmass came home from a Tupperware convention where she got way too sauced from drinking the punch that somebody put like way too much rum into. she turned on the TV or something.
Penises exploding in the sky, fucking penises everywhere. No light anywhere, broken glass perhaps like a broken glass dildo. Some guy eating shit.
A screaming comes across the sky.
ALL TOGETHER NOW---
>>8166858
"My uncle was a dude most swell
But when the sickness fell upon him
He really made us treat him well
That proud guy, a real sodder.
His act is really an example
But Jesus Christ, man, what a hurdle
To spend day, night at sick man's bed
To keep him entartained and fed
It's vile, in truth, to make young lad
To fix the sheets and butter pillows,
And tend to medicine and pills and
Relect on this and quietly say
If God don't take you, Devil may!
or something like this
>>8166858
hey
whos there?
its me your friend
hail the king of denmark!
im friends of this ground
have you had quiet guard?
not a mouse stirring!
has the ghost appeared?
nope
but it will very soon
no it wont
>>8166950
OP said first page, not the whole book.
Stately, plump Buck Mulligan came down from the stairhead and fled across the desert, and the moocow followed.
>>8167301
see stately plump ishmael, he is pale and thin, the tip of his tongue taking a trip to lips past eve and adams, where maman died today. or yesterday.
>>8166895
I love to go to sea, it is my substitute for pistol and ball. But I never go as a passenger. For paying money is fucking stupid, but BEING PAID, that's a whole other story. I also never go as a cook, but I love eating wild birds from the greater pacific and oceanian area. I believe at one point every man develops a fetish for the sea.
How did I do guys?
riverrun, past Eve and Adam's, from swerve of shore to bend of bay brings us by a commodious vicus of recirculation back to Howth Castle & Environs.
Sir Tristram, violer d'amores, fr'over the short sea had passencore rearrived from North Armorica to this side the scraggy isthmus of Europe Minor to wielderfight his penisolate war: nor had Topsawyer's rocks by the stream Occonee exagerated themselse to Laurens County's gorgios while they went doublin their mumper all the time: nor had avoice from afire bellowsed mishe mishe to tauftauf thuartpeatrick: not yet, though venisoon after had a kidscad buttended a bland old isaac: not yet, though all's fair in vanessy, were sosie sesthers wroth with twoone Nathandjoes. Rot a peck of pa's malt had Jhem or Shem brewed by arclight and rory end to the regginbrow was to be seen ringsome on the aquaface.
The fall (bababadalgharaktakkaminnaronnkonnbronntonerronntuonnthuntrovarrhounawnskawntoohoohoordenenthurnuk!) of a once wallstrait oldparr is retailed early in bed and later on life down through all christian minstrelsy. The great fall of the offwall entailed at such short notice the pschute of Finnegan, erse solid man, that the humptyhillhead of humself prumptly sends an unquiring one well to the west in quest of his tumptytumtoes and their upturnpikepointandplace is at the knock out in the park where oranges have been laid to rusr upon the green since devlins firstloved livvy.
