Hey I'm really bad with story structure, I've written something that I quite like in essence but I know the structure isn't great and I was wondering if somebody with good literary criticism could help me shape the story better?
I make no apologies, I am a beginner, thanks.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1bcY3LQrOkZs7LJ_vG8Ex6yKOylKqjTgGhIxH1d5wjuc/edit?usp=sharing
Awful to say the least
>>8162353
>I was wondering if somebody with good literary criticism could help me shape the story better
kys dood
>>8162353
I read the whole of it. I can confirm it's awful.
Thanks thats really helpful
shifting from nick's pov to the mob's is kind of jarring. the first sentence is bland. the daughter has zero personality. paul and the mob's motivations are unclear.
the story appears to be there but yeah the writing is terrible. sorry. read more and write more.
>>8162353
“I just can’t join you at the precinct today, Paul. I’m sorry.” he said, looking him in the eye.
“Fucking pussy.” he heard the Longsight lad say under his breath.
I'm getting excited!
I really need clearer feedback.. one last attempt please. Whats wrong is it my sentence structure?
