My friend wrote this poem for the victims of the Orlando shooting and shared it on Facebook. What do you guys think?
gr8never post here again
>>8160334
thesaurus/10
>>8160334
>poem for the victims of the Orlando shooting
i don't particularly like poems about some topical event, not inspired by, but directly about, the event will pass and be forgotten and the poem will usually be forgotten even faster. also it frankly usually feels fake too
as for the poem, he overdoes alliteration way too much and the whole poem reads as if he, by lyon sprague de camp's method, picked random words from the dictionary and put them into his poem, only caring that they would begin with the letter which he currently needs
>>8160338
If it's great why shouldn't I post here again? I just want some genuine opinions. He's always been known as the smart guy in my crew. I want to know what some people who have actually read poetry have to say.
>>8160334
i wish i was the 51st after reading that
>>8160348
>i don't particularly like poems about some topical event
well fuck off then because that has always been a legitimate cause for poetry
>>8160334
notpoetry/10
Writing in lines doesn't make something poetry--rhythm, rhyme, and imagery do.
>>8160351
>>8160350
It's very, very bad, and he should honestly feel ashamed that he thought this was acceptable--that's my genuine opinion. Here's another one: he's not smart.
barbaric
Holy Moses! Take a look!
Flesh decayed in every nook!
Some rare bits of brain lie here,
Mortal loads of beef and beer.
Liberal alliteration litters the leaflet, leaving little leeway for looseness; and lo, it lurches and lumbers, luxuriates in letters alone—losing, alas, the languid lightness of language.
>>8160353
yeah, so what? i said that i personally don't liek them, it's my opinion
also, how many of those are good? say, housman describes the gold jubilee of queen victoria in the beginning of his shropshire lad, but it's a poem inspired by it, not directly about it. do you know any poem directly about it (and it was a major topical event) which is still read today?
>FROM Clee to heaven the beacon burns,
>The shires have seen it plain,
>From north and south the sign returns
>And beacons burn again.
>Look left, look right, the hills are bright,
>The dales are light between,
>Because ’tis fifty years to-night
>That God has saved the Queen.
>Now, when the flame they watch not towers
>About the soil they trod,
>Lads, we ’ll remember friends of ours
>Who shared the work with God.
or take that poem about the bridge of tay disaster which is remembered only because it was written in an amusingly bad way merely for its style...
>>8160374
Who would not sing for Lycidas?
>>8160369
I like it.
>>8160369
solid reference
>>8160369
i feel like wiseau's the room is the modern day irene iddesleigh
>>8160379
Not the nymphs that's for sure.
>>8160334
Why must the tragedy of the victims and the suffering of their loved ones be augmented by an atrocious piece of "poetry"? Have you no mercy? Have those people not been hurt enough? Whose side is your "friend" on anyway?
>>8160334
Excellent bait but having produced this piece of writing is still shameful, ironic or not
>>8160334
This isn't poetry, this is just embarrassing.
Your friend is an untalented faggot, he should have made a meme or something more suited to his intellect.
>>8160390
That is a mystery only the muse knows the answer to
where did you find this? the toilet website? lol
>>8160374
>do you know any poem directly about it
What is this "directly"? Housman wrote a poem on the occasion, which is consciously involved in the occasion while it looks beyond it. That is what every topical poem aspires to be. It is not a matter of being apart-but-"inspired by" rather than "about"—this is an unfortunate and not very useful dichotomy. If we divest occasional poems of their occasions, we will not experience them pure, but rather we will find them bloodless; as we cannot really love Lycidas unless we think it is an elegy for a friend and not merely an excuse (or "inspiration") for art. Art must serve the elegy; and occasional poetry must serve the occasion, because art and poetry are not purposes in themselves.
Anyway, if you want a great poem more "directly about" an occasion in that crude sense of yours, you might remember Dryden's "Annus Mirabilis".
it's not very good but they won't be able to read it anyway
>>8160354
no
>>8160334
>never kneeling to negative Neanderthals
shit like this makes me want to bury myself in the backyard and just wait to die.
>>8160374
>how many of those are good?
put the goalposts back
>>8160334
It's bad but oddly not nearly as bad as I was expecting. The alliteration, although childish, does provide at least some semblance of substance. And the last line is, at least, sonically pleasing.
has no one actually read the first letter of each line yet? each line being alliterative on a different letter should have clued you in. how often do you people read?
that being said it's still not good
>>8160414
it's racist to neanderthals btw
not only his ancestors killed them all, he also mocks them
>>8160334
I feel like this would be difficult to write, so it satisfies a very plebian scale of what good art is. I think the alliteration is a little harder to make up than most people think, however the end result is a pretty fucking awful gimmick, so all that effort has definitely been wasted.
Not to mention lots of it resists sense:
>Everyone envelopes [sic] each other's embrace
How do you envelop an embrace?
>Emanating equally enamored epithets
Equal to what? Whose epithets are these? The Neanderthals'?
>Never-ending nuances intentionally nurtured
This is an emotional vacuum. It means nothing given what comes before or what comes after.
Then any semblance of syntax breaks down, which might be appreciated from some perspective, but is just really aggravating because the sentiment is still extremely simple: be nice. All this cobbled mess revolves around that idea. There's no reason for the syntax to melt away. The whole poem has been gesturing at understanding and harmony. Why dissolve?
There's some interesting lines here that might serve well as lead-ins to explications, but of course that never happens because the whole poem is as arbitrarily slapped together as can be and it doesn't seem as though the author has thought past each line as an individual unit. What's really not doing it any favors is its alliteration gimmick. It's lazy and exposes itself as such. It's really a nightmare to read and there's no sense of prosody, tone, or even understandable concepts. This is obviously someone who thinks they emotions too big for words who yet insists on presenting themselves as a writer.
3/10
>victims
There was only one victim though?
>>8160423
everyone noticed
you are the pnly one pleb enough to bring it up
>>8160350
I doubt from what you have shown that he is actually very smart or if he is very smart then he is very naive and a poetaster of some rank.
1. Read it out loud to yourself
You will find it is terrible to the ear with his V for Vendetta alliteration stands out terribly so.
2. Escaping the extreme exacerbated enigma
Same point as the previous that one just stands out as particularly bad.
3. What he said
Nothing but platitudes and nothingness
Here in plain language with no attempt at poetics.
>Leveling out the lack of illustriousness
>Overt the obvious objectionable opines
>Vulnerability verifiable vexes veneration
>Everyone envelopes each others embrace
Making even the lack of achievement
and showing the obviously bad opinions
vulnerability proves to annoy reverence
Everyone hugs redundantly
What? This is a very mixed message. VVVV I can't really place with the other three lines. What does that even mean? We are weak and therefore irreverent? I think he is using overt as a verb here(its not) like he might mean
when everything comes up shit don't show our asinine comments as in our weakness we show a lack of respect so lets hug.
>Optimism opens our way to omnipotence
>Never kneeling to negative neanderthals
>Emanating equally negative epithets
If we have hope we wont be beaten by Neanderthals or their other bad names and acquire god like powers along the way.
>Amidst animosity and alienation
>Never-ending nuances intentionally nurtured
>Openly attempting to obliterate our oneness
>Thwarting their thoughtlessness with truth
>Honoring heart left hurt and helpless
>Escaping the the extreme exacerbated enigma
>Revealing reverence through reveling remembrance
Amidst hatred and indifference
Our differences which we make
Openly trying to destroy our oneness
Thwarting their idiocy with truth
Honoring those left hurt and helpless
Escaping the over blown mystery
Showing respect through cheerful memories
The first three lines are a long way to show the simple platitude
>can't we all get along
What's the mystery? Why we can't get along?
>>8160445
>pnly
opinion discarded. end your life
>>8160453
pnd your life pleb
>>8160453
did you become angry?
>>8160454
you put down your stephen king novel for this?
>>8160423
>how often do you people read?
The question is how often you read such gems that you know exactly where to look for the application of sophisticated literary devices?
>>8160461
Pnly fpr a secpnd, pleb
>>8160334
This is utter shit.
t.Orlandofag
>>8160466
stop it or i'll report you
>>8160459
ypp mpd?
>>8160468
Orlndofag as person from Orlando or a faggot from Orlando?
someone should write the shittiest poem and dedicate it to orlando for the likes
>>8160474
both
>>8160467
>the alliteration was too much a coincidence
You don't say. My, that's some close reading. You must be well versed in the art of the Facebook poem.
>>8160475
OPs friend already did
>>8160482
i think it's funny there is absolutely no indication of anyone realising the point of the alliteration until i pointed it out, now people are in damage control for not having seen it first by being mad about it (You)
>>8160475
I hate gays, I'll mess em'
Closet to casket, I'll find them
And then they will learn their lesson
Adam and Steve, meet my Smith and Wesson
>>8160474
Why don't you come find out bb? ;^)
>>8160334
It's quite shit, but who cares really.
>>8160438
>I feel like this would be difficult to write
are you kidding? if it was written as, say, sestina, it would be hard to write, but simple alliteration with acrostic using words which badly fit each other?
>>8160525
Difficult to write simply because it makes so little sense. You would have to have pulled something to be satisfied with the end product.
>>8160334
it's great, how about telling him to write about how he wants to his ass to be opened by 5 diameter by faggots, maybe they'll also show your sympathy the shooting?
![its-time-to-stop-posting[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/5nw8Twn.jpg "its-time-to-stop-posting[1].jpg")
lol nice read
10/10 would cringe again
>get banned
>>8160334
it's really amateur. the writer needs to read a lot more poetry.
>>8160334
People running everywhere
Under tables, under chairs
Loving living, loathing leaving
Silence rings cross the gay bar
Explosions abound! Allahu Ackbar
-now read this poem backwards-
>>8160548
There's no evidence that the writer has read ANY poetry
>>8160551
-sdrawkcab meop siht daer won-
rabkcA uhallA !dnuoba snoisolpxE
rab yag eht ssorc sgnir ecneliS
gnivael gnihtaol ,gnivil gnivoL
sriahc rednu ,selbat rednU
erehwyreve gninnur elpoeP
For lazy anons
>>8160561
it's proto-hebraised arabic or some shit. Interfaith Naysh yall
If the red slayer think he slays,
Or if the slain think he is slain,
They know not well the subtle ways
I keep, and pass, and turn again.
>>8160498
Incredible
OP's friend got slaughtered
>>8160551
nice
also pic related, i chuckled
>>8160351
>>8160372
10/10 reply.
>>8160374
Charge of the Light Brigade.
>>8160348
What is ozymandias
>>8161135
what is... your point?
Disgusting
what is it about people that they can't let a tragedy be without flapping about it like vultures.
This piece of shit is using this tragedy to prove to everyone how smart and artsy he is (at which he failed utterly)
fucking ugly
>Kingly shitposter: end your life;
>Is not this topic an unjust
>Larceny of the mind? Facebook
>Likes do not make a poem's worth.
>Ugly alliterates cannot
>Reveal the sublime; he is no
>Shakespeare, no Gass, nor Pound nor
>Ever should he try creating.
>Long shotgun deep within your mouth,
>Forego this world and kill urself.
>>8160351
THIS IS SO GAY
This is dogshit
>>8160334
Dear god OP please tell me you made a fake account and wrote that for the purpose of bait.
>Love One Another
ISIS BTFO
>>8160444
Nigga, there's been another shooting in Orlando. Where have you been?
>>8161336
Perhaps he is implying that the only victim was the holy warrior, the Jihadist shot dead by Imperialist infidels before completing his tidying up of that den of perverts. It's a sort of joke, you see.
Utter shit. Is he some limp wrist'd numale?
That prose, Jesus.
this isn't good it looks like someone picked up a thesaurus and tried to write a poem using a list of word they think sound intelligent. nothing wrong with overdoing with large vocabulary but only when its done properly.
Assless chaps on hearty chaps
Our night was to end quite horrid
Our haven in Pulse now surrounded by paps
And the bullets were hard and torrid
A gay night in Orlando, by Carl Cuckenheimer
>>8160351
>>8160340
Exactly what I was going to say.
Op you should've shared it on >>>/lgbt/
In a panopticon of post-modern perversion
Fifty fags failed at bullet aversion
>>8160334
>like a hot summer sidewalk
>>8160372
I won't lie, this was actually pretty good
>>8160372
LoL
>>8160334
This is the worst poem I've read all week. Congratulations and fuck you.
>>8160498
kek
