I think my prose is shit and my thoughts cliche. How do I improve?
>Moves and countermoves, a strategic rigidness binding and shackling one's ego and driving it far below into the darkest depths of one's cloudy black soul. An anomaly nonconforming or self-stereotyping out of default rather than choice. Sui generis, and all the pain it brings. So stands Mitchum, caught and trapped by the invisible, impervious chain binding one and all's both spiritual and physical plexuses. The chain considered one's own and one's alone, yet reaching all from every cynosure and vertex.
>Mitchum, a man the epitome of "ill-suited", has achieved and gained, through noble well-inculcated struggle. The fear of loss is now an obstinate, perpetuating occupant of his inner machinations. He has anthropomorphized the agent of luck as an insidious turncloack, ready to snatch at all he is worth with indiscrimination and strike not at the appearance of opportunity, but rather, adventitiously. He convinced himself a downturn in what little fortune he's rightfully earned would be an event without malice or malignancy. Instead he imagined an inevitable decay, like the weathered and battered essentiality of ruins, the destructed, and anything human yet forgotten.
Beware, everyone. This is how you write when you take yourself too seriously and try to impress, rather than having a sense of the aesthetic.
>>8083252
This so much, it just feels so tryhardy, like you open a thesaurus at random pages and shit out pretentious words.
>>8083209
Your first three sentences are unmoored from reality. They don't connect to anything, it's a series of pretentious floating shitpiles and the fact that it's right at the beginning is absolutely disgusting and puts me off the whole thing.
![16234364[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/DBo11aG.jpg "16234364[1].jpg")
>just read bro, two more words from the dictonary and ur set!!!
lMAO!
>>8083209
>anomaly
>nonconforming
>sui generis
>so stands
>impervious
>plexuses
>cynosure
>vertex
>epitome
>well-inculcated
>obstinate
>anthropomorphized
>turncloack ???
>malignancy
>inevitable decay
There's no intrinsic value in the harder words.
>>8083346
And the awkward phrasing that is meant to sound either dramatic or intelligent, I am not sure.
Have you read much? Because I don't think you'd enjoy reading a book written in your current style.
>>8083346
the problem isn't the words or their rarity or whatever
he's using them poorly. It sounds to the ear like a cow chewing cud
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QCcmqaEMPI
>>8083209
I hate you. Not only do I hate your awfully stilted, tone deaf prose, but I hate you for not being able to notice that it is stilted and tone deaf. You sound like a 17-year-old desperately attempting sophistication. Like an amateur writer trying to vault onto the same stage as the greats in a single pseudointellectual leap.
Instead of trying to write something smart, try to write something true. Otherwise, you'll never write anything but dog shit.
>>8083252
>rather than having a sense of the aesthetic
how specifically do I do this though? can you give me some examples? >>8083324
>Your first three sentences are unmoored from reality. They don't connect to anything
yeah, I drifted without thinking about the whole thing too concretely
>thesaurus
I'll stop then
I'll give OP props for actually being aware of his shit prose, but >>8083372 has the right idea in general.
I recommend just abandoning any idea of sophistication and just write honestly, start with some short stories.
Who and what are you talking about?
>>8083362
BigGreen
Combine.com
@farmnwife
Read more books dude...
>>8083346
Epitome is not a "harder" word you nitwit
>>8083864
It's a quintessential harder word on par with shit like paradigm, or zeitgeist, or any of the other terms he was using. I would expect a HS chick who reads David Sedaris to use the word often in conversation as a means of making an exaggerated point. Literally a substitute for 'literally' for those who wish to be taken seriously but never will be.
>>8083864
>completely missing his point
Yeah, he's the "nitwit" here. Right.
read, homie, all you can do is run your eyes and ears past more and more words
read paragraphs you enjoy aloud and re-read passages
think more about syntax, speech patterns, and how best to parse ideas
>>8083209
>How do I improve?
uh, how about an image. or at least a description not couched in abstraction?
>Mitchum, a man the epitome of "ill-suited"
ill-suited with regard to what?
>has achieved and gained
with regard to what?
etc.
>>8083316
Nah, if anything, he needs to use a thesaurus more. Every expression he has is a cliche, and it's not expressed interestingly, or euphonically.
>>8083362
why did i watch that whole thing
either way it made me laugh
>>8083209
honestly this is one of the best things i have ever read. good job OP
