>you will never be this talented
>>8079656
you are right
i don't even know how to make a screenshot that long :(
>>8079656
y'all's critical eye for good writing is dirt
couldn't make it past 'dogs'
>>8079656
didn't even make it through the first paragraph. contrived and nonsensical
>You will never be this autistic
Thank you, existence, for this blessing.
I love telephone junkie but i aint reading that long ass review
>>8079656
some of the worst most self-indulgent writing I've read in a long time.
>>8079656
What album is he reviewing?
>>8079666
Yeah how do you do this?
>>8079656
>( i got diagnosed with asperger's syndrome a few years later)
>>8079676
>contrived and nonsensical
Like Joyce?
>>8079719
no, like the rym user whose writing style he shamelessly aped
>>8079656
Who writes shit that long and doesn't use proper capitalization? Someone who does not give half a shit, that is who. 10/10, badass writer disregards grammar rules to please themselves. Mark Twain did the same thing.
>>8079656
tl;dr
>>8079656
Not sure if you're baiting or retarded. Hard to tell on this board.
>>8079656
telephone junkie is legit autistic. i wonder if people like his reviews out of politeness or for real, since he never talks about the albums he's reviewing. he just writes his lengthy meandering anecdotes spinning off into completely unrelated topics to which in the end you have to wonder "what is this even about"
>tfw i liked rateyourmusic ten years ago and only now is it the "hip" thing
i liked rym before it was cool reeeeee...
>>8080002
are you stupid?
>>8083237
Still waiting on your portfolio.
>>8079656
this is awful.
This is so fucking awful.
>>8079656
Okay OP, lets evaluate this sentence by sentence.
>dogs are barking.
k..?
>there's the deep heart-hum of a place in the cold still sky.
wat?
>heart-hum
literally makes no sense at all, author throws in "heart" because he's that desperate to have "descriptive writing"
>sound carries now; four or five different sets of neighbors' kids are out playing, and i can hear parents on back porches phone calls and the murmuring of stray gusts against the sharp silence.
wait a second, huh? what the shit? what is a "sharp silence," huh OP? did you stop to think about that, or did your caveman instinct just go "MMM SOUND GOOD" when you read this drivel and you decided that it was worthy of sharing?
i couldn't read anymore sorry this is middle school tier
Everything is black and white on this fucking board.
It's decent writing, but too far up it's own ass.
It's neither great nor shit.
Here is telephone_junkie's reviews archive: http://rateyourmusic.com/collection/telephone_junkie/reviews
>>8083516
>read three lines
>"hurr durr this is trash, not reading this garbage"
Whoa, great going Harold Bloom. I bet you do this with everything you "read". Sad.
>>8079656
nah
>Christmas qua Christmas
Fucking disgusting
>>8079656
Why do /mu/tants, and pop music journalists in general, confuse creative writing with musical analysis? Pop music such a superficial, pseudo-intellectual scene. Describing your emotions while listening to a piece of music tells me absolute nothing about its content, but a lot about yourself (which I don't care about). Instead revealing musical insights or drawing attention to a flaw or success that an individual might have missed, the author instead produces a navel-gazing piece of creative writing that fails both as literature and as music criticism.
TinyMixTapes, /mu/, RYM, Pitchfork are uniformly trash.
>>8083586
the snapchat comment makes this horribly creepy
>>8079656
purple for the sake purple
no meaningful imagrey or a conscious efffort to convey a larger message
hedonistic, infantile and a third-rate imitation of a mix of dead authors
2/10
>>8079656
It's just not very good honestly - it's like baby's first creative writing class-tier.
>>8079656
>you will never be
>>8084426
>you will never fuck your inter-world counterparts
