let's write a novel one sentence at a time. I'll start.
chapter 2. somewhere in the middle.
"Mr partridge what on earth are you doing", he shrieked as he lunged for his glasses to have a closer look.
>>7994772
Mr. Partridge had unflinchingly battered his testicles so fiercely with his steady, open palm that it was hard to tell how long he'd been at it.
"Mr. Partridge, are you battering my testicles, or your own?" "I don't even know anymore," Mr. Partridge said as he took another hit off his glass pipe.
With forthright elegance he tamped the subsiding embers into his distended and blistered foreskin with his thumb he caught a glimpse of his watch and knew he would have to turn up to class soon.
>>7995984
The Comparative Literature faculty lounge had been the arena to many similar misadventures over the fifty proud years of Harvard's existence.
As a show of dominance over the students, he left his puissant rod to flop outside his trousers.
>>7996112
Grabbing his rampaging phallus, he looks quixotically at the nearest hapless female.
He greeted his students through his tradition of kicking the classroom door in, then firing blanks at them with twin Colt pistols.
>>7996122
"TSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU" they replied.
>>7996122
>dubs kill the mood
>>7996120
"You, harlequin, banshee of the night visage. Milky white princess of Anglo heritage. My pulsating member demands solace and reparations for the injustices of a generation!" Mr Partridge screams as he begins to belittle a petite schoolgirl.
>>7996163
"Oh! Thank you Mr. Partridge! This will be perfect for my Slut Studies Project," She said as she put her hair in a bun, cracked her neck, then unhinged her jaw and proceeded to envelope his member in her mouth, along with chewing gum and the stale discharge from basketball starters.
>>7996163
As Mr. Partridge ravished her with dark hands, he screamed the final words of his favorite poem: "Beast they wrought, in semi-human figure, filled it with vice, and called the thing a Nigger!"
>>7996190
She gorged herself upon the dick in total, like a snake swallowing a smaller snake, silently comparing it to the taste of her father's.
And then a /lit/ poster contributed an even less funny section. Full of that oh so unfunny juxtaposition of verbose writing and juvenile, vulgar ''''''''humour'''''''''
"jesus christ dad, this story is hardly appropriate to be telling in front of the little ones", Jimmy john exclaims as he enters the room through the broadside door, the one with the arch and the javelina hung above.
>>7996237
Jimmy John had no trousers nor undergarments;a pair of Tims and tigh high socks were all he wore below his waist. He had a firm grasp on his erect cock, his other hand plunged inside his own rectum to stimulate his prostate. In this manner he continued further into the room towards his father.
>>7996251
"Jimmy, goddamnit! Is your hand up your ass again? I can fucking smell it in here! This is why I drink goddamnit, and why your mom left for africa to get a womb-full!"
"Anus anus anus anus, I'm 100% anus - THAS RITE!!!!" said jimmy john freakily fast
>>7996208
meta
>>7996264
but as Jimmy clumsily creeped closer while shoulder deep in bowel introspection, he stepped on a week old and slimy banana peel.
"Oh crumbs!" Jimmy shouted as he slid gracelessly to the floor, the force of his fall pushing his his entire hand deep within his anal cavity
>>7996291
Ignatius walked into the room "OH MAH GAWD!" he exclaimed.
Jimmy John's father watched the scene with heavy lidded eyes, his thoughts turning to the day of Jimmy John's birth, the love that had been kindled at the sight of his nascent offspring and the promise he had made to raise him upright and decent and his eyes welled up with bitter tears of regret and failure as he tightened his grip on the fireplace poker and strode purposefully towards his son.
>>7996299
His squeezed the detonator and he and his home were no more.
>>7996419
George R. R Martin finished typing with his one free hand as the other slowly rubbed his testicles in a sort of muted, exuberant manner.
It was good.
>>7996464
GRRM exclaims as he begins to rub faster, gritting his teeth.
Ringus Spade was completing a lifelong service to the post office as the first black mail man in southern mississippi, and as he tearfully rounded the corner of Hatherway and Razzmattaz st for the last time, the dream of retirement was crudely stained as scolding debris immolated his right side and a shockwave threw him skyward towards incoming traffic, and reliving the entirety of his childhood within those few airborne seconds, he felt a tinge of anger towards the white man.
>>7996472
He taught the lesson well to his children, and his children's children, and eventually a conspiracy among them set its crosshairs on the chieftain of white culture, George R R Martin.
>>7996478
"great job Martin!" said both David Benioff, producer of the lauded and totally epicsauce Game of Thrones. "This is gold, we can splice the subliminal messages a split second right before the fans climax while jacking it to one of our sex scenes. It's quite brilliant, really."
Martin was having a stroke through out.
*u u up up pp wakeeee uu waaaa up pppp waaaaakeeee up ppppp wakeeee up wake up wake up*
"wake up little man its the first day of grade six, we better not be late!" dad shouted from the hall outside my door.
>>7996533
Suddenly a large crashing sound and out of nowhere a six foot six nigger darker than coal wraps his wide gorilla fingers around my dad's mouth and bends him over.
>>7996533
"FUCK THE WORLD, FUCK THIS BODY" Stefan said and he groggily shook himself awake. It took him a few seconds to understand what his father had told him, but he soon leaped from his race-car bed and quickly began pursuing through his dresser. Struggling slightly with his rocket ship onesie, he changed into his school uniform before dashing down the stairs to the kitchen. Maybe he could have a quick breakfast before his father drove him.
>>7996547
>sentence by sentence
>writes paragraphkill yourself
>>7996547
and the tide was wayyyy out
>>7996553
just replace the periods with semicolons then, you autist.
"you want something up eat son, you want something to fucking eat, oh I'll give you something to eat you little cunt," dad whispered under his breath when he thought I wasn't within earshot.
>>7996564
to eat*
>>7996564
"don't look so frightened this is just a passing phase, one of my bad days," dad whispered again for the seventh time to no one in particular as we got into the car.
>>7996564
ONE FUCKING DOLLAR. That's not an argument. How can I eat with one dollar. These people want me to starve. THEY WANT ME SHOT. This is NOT an argument...The're evil FUCK EVIL!!! It's lying.
THEY ONLY GAVE ME ONE DOLLAR!!!!!
I slowly unzipped the zipper on my now currently throbbing 10"x6" penis
>>7996578
Just as the Bradys were getting locked in jail, Lara randomly asked me, “Have you ever gotten a blowjob?"
>>7996579
“I’ve just never geeven one,” she answered, her little voice dripping with seductiveness -- it was so brazen, I thought I would explode; I never thought, I mean, from Alaska, hearing that stuff was one thing, but to hear her sweet little Romanian voice go so sexy all of the sudden...
>>7996584
"dad seriously your acting a little crazy, I don't know what your going on about, can we please just get some Jimmy Johns," I pleaded as we pulled out of the driveway, this was one of his turns.
>>7996579
He wanted to answer "I love blowjobs!" but he had a mouthful of cheesecake and only an indistinguishable mumbling sprinkled with white goo emanated. !Ool morv browljwbs!"
>>7996584
“No,” I said. “I never have.”
>>7996592
"dad seriously stop."
>>7996592
“Think it would be fun?” ... DO I!?!?!?!?!?!?! “Um. yeah. I mean, you don’t have to.”
>>7996594
I think I want to,” she said, and we kissed a little, and then... and then with me sitting watching The Brady Bunch, watching Marcia Marcia Marcia up to her Brady antics, Lara unbuttoned my pants and pulled my boxers down a little and pulled out my penis.
>>7996599
“Wow,” she said, "“What?” I responded; she looked up at me, but didn’t move, her face nanometers away from my penis. “It’s weird.”
>>7996603
>“What do you mean weird?” “Just beeg, I guess.” >I could live with that kind of weird, and then she wrapped her hand around it and put it into her mouth, and waited.
>>7996603
"okay dad I'm getting out of the car, I'm just gonna walk to school".
>>7996606
We were both very still. She did not move a muscle in her body, and I did not move a muscle in mine. I knew that at this point something else was supposed to happen, but I wasn’t quite sure what.
>>7996612
She stayed still. I could feel her nervous breath. For minutes, for as long as it took the Bradys to steal the key and unlock themselves from the ghost-town jail, she lay there, stock-still with my penis in her mouth, and I sat there, waiting; and then she took it out of her mouth and looked up at me quizzically, "Should I do sometheeng?"
>>7996618
“Um. I don’t know,” I said; everything I’d learned from watching porn with Alaska suddenly exited my brain, I thought maybe she should move her head up and down, but wouldn’t that choke her? So I just stayed quiet.
>>7996624
“Should I, like, bite?” >“Don’t bite! I mean, I don’t think. I think—I mean, that felt good. That was nice. I don’t know if there’s something else.” "I mean, you deedn’t—" "Um. Maybe we should ask Alaska.”
>>7996627
So we went to her room and asked Alaska... she laughed and laughed; sitting on her bed, she laughed until she cried; she walked into the bathroom, returned with a tube of toothpaste, and showed us -- in detail; never have I so wanted to be Crest Complete.
>>7996632
Lara and I went back to her room, where she did exactly what Alaska told her to do, and I did exactly what Alaska said I would do, which was die a hundred little ecstatic deaths, my fists clenched, my body shaking; it was my first orgasm with a girl, and afterward, I was embarrassed and nervous, and so, clearly, was Lara, who finally broke the silence by asking, “So, want to do some homework?”
*beep beep beep* Oh deary me, the cookies are finished.
>>7996640
Ha Ha! Good show old bean
It was then that I felt the curious urge to slice my tallywhacker clean off.
I'm a dog.
>>7996809
runnin at hihg speed going VERY fast?
>>7996820
No unfortunately
>>7996822
"Just how dare you nya~~!" exlaimed Alaska
"But I was just looking for you"
"Well, blame the stars"
Truly, he was, a paper town.
