>3 page English essay due tomorrow
>have not even started
Lads, help
>tfw 6 word essay due tonight at midnight
Mates, I'm having a fucking panic attack
I shouldn't have put this off for so long
>25 word shitpost due in 30 seconds
>haven't even memed yet
just fuck my shit up senpai
>>7869945
You get an hour each page, that isn't even hard. Get off of /lit/ and start writing.
>>7869946
>17 words
Not meta enough, lad
>>7869951
reread his post
>>7869960
1) get off the internet
2) brew some tea or coffee
3) put on some comfy tunes
4) open word processing software and put your hands on the keyboard.
5)????????????
6) A 3 page paper.
>>7869960
I can write like five pages in a hour
>>7869992
resterooni in pepperoni Frisbee doge
OP here. 1 out of ~3 pages completed. Thanks for the words of encouragement.
>>7869960
a page is like 250 words u probably shitpost more than that in 20 minutes, u just have to despook ur mind and realize there is no difference between a college paper and a shit post
Think about one comment the prof made that you did or didn't agree with
write every thought you can squeeze out of your brain
read it all back to yourself and decide on a thesis. go through and edit the last sentence of each thought to suggest how it relates to the thesis.
slap on a concluding paragraph that doesn't forget to mention how great the book is
>>7870322
It helps that me and my professor are both extreme left liberals.
>>7870319
Can confirm, my shitposting skills have gotten me 90-100% on my English papers. Formal lab reports are the only papers you actually need to be careful with.
>>7869941
You fucking faggot, I woke up at 0500 this morning and wrote a 2000 word torts essay due at 1200. git gud.
>>7869946
I'm reading your shitpost, anon, and it's very interesting. Your shitposting voice is developing well. But it's clear that you wrote it in a hurry, and it's a little short of the recommended word count. I'd like to see what kind of shitpost you could write if you spent a little more time and effort.
B -
>>7870334
>0500
Are you an academy or something?
iktfb. i have a three page essay on the old man and the sea due sunday and i havent even read the book
It's not as bad as my situation, I have a European history test and and chemistry test same day last day before spring break
>>7869941
You can't sit and write three pages right now?
>>7869941
seriously you're a pussy.
if you know what you're sposed to write about it should be easy as shit.
My whole ap english class would crank out 8-12pg papers in under 2hrs 4days/week back in the day.
basically stop acting like a child
>>7869992
>brew some coffee
I don't know about anyone else, but this is me when I write a paper
>let's skip class today to work on my paper
>got my lined paper and pencil, just going to start of nice and easy with some rough notes
>but first let's brew some coffee
>okay, so I've reread twenty pages of the book, this is great, I think maybe I'm getting some ideas, just going to mark down some quotes which might connect to my thesis when I settle on it
>hmm feeling a little bored, let's go brew a coffee
>only made it ten pages this time, but I feel like I'm cultivating all these great ideas in my head, there are so many great passages for me to use
>this page is boring, my attention keeps slipping
>let's brew a coffee
>maybe grab a small snack
>okay where was I
>book ... paper
>let's see my notes
>hmm that's not as many as I thought I had
>what page was I on
>I think I'm getting a headache, let's just pace around for a bit
>fuck I think some of my ideas are wrong
>my head hurts
>I'm never going to finish
>Maybe I'll get some inspiration from reading [unrelated book]
>one hour and one coffee later
>shit this isn't relevant at all, I need to get back to that essay
>(paper and book look frightening)
>well I got a lot of work done today, it's not so bad if I just go fuck around on my computer for a bit
and no more work done for the rest of the day
>>7870393
your cannot control your attention
meditation would probably help
practice directing your full attention inwards to your breath, making deep full cycles feeling everything from the tip of your nose to the base of your gut, focusing on the physical sensation and maintaining as slow and even of a rhythm as possible, aiming for a duration of 15 seconds per inhale and 15 seconds per exhale. Add in 8-15 second pauses at the top and the bottom of each inhale and exhale if you're feeling saucy.
do this for 20 minutes a couple times a day every day until you die.
you won't be able to sustain your attention without wandering thought for longer than a couple seconds probably. That's normal, simply notice and return your attention to the object of contemplation: the breath.
>>7870393
I'm old now, but when I was young I was only capable of even beginning a paper once the procrastinatory activities described in your post had slowly evolved into a crescendo of terrifying panic attacks, usually over the course of several days. The stress of doing things this way began to express itself first in physical symptoms like weird muscle pains, blurred or strobing vision, and vomiting. Eventually it caused mental health problems like hallucinations and general psychosis, causing me to skip class a lot and quit school entirely.
I've recently started going back to school, ten years later. Keeping that old behavior from resurfacing is extremely difficult.
This will be an essay in under an hour written when I dont look at the keyboard or fix any of my mistakes senpai. The best way to explain writing an essay in such a short amount of time is thus three points: firstly you should match the length of your writing style with how many pages are required, t wo you should awlays write when it strikes you and edit later, three make sure to properly outline your papers else dificulty will come in throws and bounds.
When it comes to writing in comparison to the length of the paper an essays format of point sub point is always important. Such as this sentence as an exa le of a sub sub point. Once you have come to the conclusion of the paragraph it is all about transitioning to the next one with purpose and fluidity unlike this sentence unless the moment strikes you.
Just as lightning strikes you one should always write when the urge to put pen to paper does. except you shouldent actually write with a pen, this isnt a law school final you shit bird. Of course when writing in the throws of passion you always need to remember to edit afterward otherwise you have issues that are consistant throughout your essay just as this one is, drinking is also only suggested in the thr ows of passion sparking ideas with liquro is a great idea but the implementation and dedication comes through pots and pots of black coffee such as the one I am drinking now at 10 pm.
The last thing one should keep in mind while brewing that last pot of coffee is that outlining an essay can be literally half the battle, as when sub points are made and fleshed out, once formating is removed the entire paper is practically half written. Just as when i wrote the first three points of this shitty essay I have written in a few minutes you too will know what the basis for everything is and grow upon it.
In conclusion, I forgot to mention that you should conclude the essay ocasionally as well depending on the length of the essay, when briliance strikes, and outline your papers are always contemporary points and you should go read some 1800s german lit because they wont give a fuck, unlike your teacher who would give me an A and suck my D.
>>7869941
>5 page English essay due last week
>have not even started
>>7870618
How do you do that? Don't you do poorly in the class?
>>7870619
Typically yes. Unless his professor allows you to turn in papers a week late which I highly doubt.
>>7870645
my friends used to always turn in assignments ridiculously late and yet still passed the bastards
exam on monday, essay due on tuesday and another essay due on wednesday.
A paragraph at a time, I'm getting through them. It's not pulling teeth but ti's close.
and only a week till uni's over
I was in the same situation the other week. Finished the essay in an hour and received a B grade (marked for strange wording and a couple minor grammar mistakes (I only revised once)).
>>7870690
What was the topic of the essay
>>7870438
>meditation would probably help
How the fuck would sitting in silence help a neurochemical imbalance?
>2000 word english paper due tomorrow
>can't be arsed to start
i honestly don't care anymore
What majors do you take in uni that you have to write so many essays?
I'm doing CS and I've only had to write 1 essay in 2 years and it was 150-200 words long.
>>7870692
It was an observation essay.
>hour and a half powerpoint to do for tonight
>in addition to my actual regularly taught classes
Students think they have it so easy. You should try teaching sometime...
>>7870696
u'd be suprise
>>7870711
Any major worth a damn, including CS past the first year.
>>7870763
Usually an English class is required for every major
>>7870734
Just do what my professors do and make maybe 10 slides and ramble and repeat a point that could be made in 5 minutes until it fills up the entire class.
>>7869941
Mindmap! Write down all the topics in the book that you could write a paper about ("justice" "ambiguity" "Character A" "that one random detail on p. 163"), circle them, and draw lines between the ones that connect. Meanwhile, write down ideas for a thesis on the sides. Once you've got a thesis, start writing paper. 1st sentence: hook; last sentence of the first paragraph: thesis. Arrange evidence in some kind of logical order and present over three pages. Then write a conclusion that summarizes your points and brings them home, and then you're done!
>>7870711
>What majors do you take in uni that you have to write so many essays?
english major
>>7870848
Yikes
>>7870823
Learn to write on your spare time, then. There's nothing worse than being unable to write a proper paper, journal, or thesis due to your rudimentary ability rather than your lack of knowledge.
>>7870536
> is thus three poin
>come in throws and
>throws of passion
>stupid advice
>absolutely shit conclusion
>outline your papers are always contemporary
Holy FUCK
If I gave you a C it would be out of pure mercy
>>7870536
I got what you were trying to do but this was awful to read.
Please type looking at your keyboard and reviewing mistakes.
>have to sign lab safety contract by next week
>too busy shitposting on /lit/
>still haven't started
>tfw
>tfw my last sociology essay was only rated 7/10 just because I didn't wrote about the theme I was supposed to
still going at it boys, hopefully I can finish 1 of the 2 today, it's fucking awful. I almost want to take a 0 but I won't. also
>tfw you write a bunch and then realize it's still nowhere near the minimum word/page count so you have to keep going and you're barely any closer than before.
this is the constant fucking feeling
>>7869941
I'm working on a french poem for tomorrow.
I don't even.
I'm going to translate some of his stuff and it's going to be very aproximative, but maybe someone will see something I can't see in it.
Marthe whom those old walls cannot have (as in, take possession of), fountain from which my lonesome monarchy is reflected, how would I ever forgive you since I don't have to remember you: you are the present (time) which accumulates. We will unite (as in make love) without having to flirt (you don't have the word for "aborder" I think), [still in continuity to "without having to]anticipating ourselves like two poppy flowers make in love a giant anemone.
won't get inside your heart to limit (shorten) its memory. I won't keep hold of your mouth to prevent it from opening on the [blue of the air] and the thirst for leaving (oh it's a nice play on word in your silly language). I want to be for you [the] freedom and the wnd of live which goes through the doorstep of always before the night becomes [lost, as in, un-foundable].
You english speakers working on english litterature have it good. Well, as long as you're not working on Joyce's Ulysses I guess. But otherwise, you have it fucking good. Try some René Char or Edmond Jabès.
Op here.
I did 2 out of 3 pages. Oh well, it was just a peer review session xD
