Can someone please read my short story and tell me what you think? Don't mind the grammar, I haven't gone back to edit it yet. I'm looking for critique based on the story and content. Thank you guys.
Here's the link: https://www.wattpad.com/myworks/65520205-a-misguided-arbitration
Nhhhhh
I'm about to go to work so unfortunately don't have time to read and critique your work, but I can tell you that the cover is shit - I really don't like the font and the colour, it looks like it's been done on Paint. I'd re-consider that if I were you.
>>7827656
>writing about an author when you're not published and can barely write a sentence without mistakes in it
Bro...
That aside, using a sort of quasi-second person perspective in the opening paragraph is a questionable choice. It's a clumsy rhetorical device. There's a tense change or two in the second paragraph.
>would of
Ugh. I'm not reading any more of this, life's too short and I can tell this is going to be bad and a waste of time. My apologies. Best of luck, OP. Next time edit it yourself before you ask other peoples' opinions.
I would prefer not to.
>>7827656
>Don't mind the grammar, I haven't gone back to edit it yet
Fuck you trying to get me to read your shitty first draft. You should be on your third or fourth draft before you even consider showing your work to other people.
Yeah... I read about half of it. It's not that the story is bad, but it is just not interesting enough. The author-perspective-boy-meets-girl is nothing new, really, and the prose isn't good enough to make up for it.
You should definitely continue writing, though. At least you have the courage to finish up a story and ask for reviews. Keep it up and good luck.
Bad writing. I didn't want to read the second chapter.
Frankly it's just an elaborate r9k greentext.
>>7828222
I changed my cover, simplified it. I don't know if it's any better but I worked on it for about an hour on photoshop.
>>7828240
I'll work on editing it. Hopefully it'll be better the second time around for you.
>>7828282
What do you mean by prose?
>>7829370
>What do you mean by prose?
You should probably read more before trying to write.
>>7827656
ima read a bit now
>>7829446
Me again. It's like a...really long buzzfeed article. I think you should go away and read lots of books.
>>7828281
Its a heavy truth, mi compa, showing off unfinished work is the fastest way to getting rejected
>>7829464
>a really long buzzfeed article
Christ.
Talk about scathing.
>want to read it
>REGISTER TO READ
Are you retarded ? sage and report
I love how wattpad try to get you to sign up by not allowing you access to content. I feel like that strategy only works if your content isn't shit. Who doesn't just immediately close the tab?
>>7829370
>muh vaguely vaporwave
Does this design in any way reflect your writing?
Can you guys not tear me a new asshole? Yes the grammar is ass, I know. It's a first draft. Yes, it's on wattpad, I can't help it. You guys don't have to read it, but don't come here and complain about how you don't want to sign up, it's not my job to make you sign up. I just want people to read my work and tell me what you think about the content. I want to know about the content.
>>7829950
>I want people to read my stuff
>put it in a stupid page that requires registration
How idiotic are you?
>>7829954
I guess not as stupid as you who can't figure out a registration system? You either do it and read it, or you don't? Notice how I didn't say bitch about it to me? That's cause that's not really an option.
>>7829975
Bro...
>>7829975
>implying anyone will ever register to read some random 'tard's ramblings
Ayyy
>>7829980
I'm sorry but I'm not gonna take that shit. I get it, some spit in your face builds character, but I'm not gonna continue to sit here and get insulted. I'm looking for constructive criticism, no matter how harsh. It has to be constructive though, I don't need substandard bitching about things out of my control.
>>inb4 this nigga is butthurt
No, I'm not but don't come here being a bitch about registering. 37 other people have? Why can't you? If you don't want to, that's fine! But don't come back here and complain to me. That's the medium I chose to post my work. Take it or leave it. .
>>7827656
I didn't read your story, but I love Chromatics.
>>7829989
>I don't need substandard bitching about things out of my control.
Christ. Pastebin it for fucks sake.
Oh...
>That's the medium I chose to post my work. Take it or leave it. .
Forget it then.
>>7830013
Thanks, one of their songs was the inspiration for this short.
>>7829950
Content loses importance when we can't understand what you really want to say through all the errors. Mistakes distract from comprehension and we lose whatever investment we had and it makes the story seem all around poor. I've not read it but I think you got all the advice you need, just read more books but keep writing and try to pick up an English grammar. It helped me.
I'll also just say I also get the feeling of wanting to share your work before you've proofread it but youre better off doing it. It cleans up your work even if just stylistically.
Also, ya could have made this a general critique thread. Godspeed boyo
>>7830564
Thanks papa, I'll take into consideration what you said.
