My mums getting remarried next week /lit/
what /lit/ related material should i use for my speech? I'm coming up blank here
Why do you even need to make a speech? It seems stupid.
>>7749259
Obviously:
O that this too too solid flesh would melt,
Thaw, and resolve itself into a dew!
Or that the Everlasting had not fix'd
His canon 'gainst self-slaughter! O God! O God!
How weary, stale, flat, and unprofitable
Seem to me all the uses of this world!
Fie on't! O fie! 'tis an unweeded garden,
That grows to seed; things rank and gross in nature
Possess it merely. That it should come to this!
But two months dead! — nay, not so much, not two:
So excellent a king; that was, to this,
Hyperion to a satyr; so loving to my mother,
That he might not beteem the winds of heaven
Visit her face too roughly. Heaven and earth!
Must I remember? Why, she would hang on him
As if increase of appetite had grown
By what it fed on: and yet, within a month, —
Let me not think on't, — Frailty, thy name is woman! —
A little month; or ere those shoes were old
With which she followed my poor father's body
Like Niobe, all tears; — why she, even she, —
O God! a beast that wants discourse of reason,
Would have mourn'd longer, — married with mine uncle,
My father's brother; but no more like my father
Than I to Hercules: within a month;
Ere yet the salt of most unrighteous tears
Had left the flushing in her galled eyes,
She married: — O, most wicked speed, to post
With such dexterity to incestuous sheets!
It is not, nor it cannot come to good;
But break my heart, — for I must hold my tongue!
>>7749291
i agree, but his kids (late 20's) are doing speeches
and i (late 20's) was asked to give one also, so im obliging
>>7749296
kek
desu i doubt anyone there would even realise i was shakepereanly trash talking them, theyd probably clap
>>7749259
Talk about high divorce rates are destroying family values and turning up fucked up psychos like you.
Talk about how infidelity in women spikes as her oxytocin levels increase with a high incidence of sexual partners.
Talk about why we need to make America great again. Then kill yourself.
>>7749297
say that the wedding is horseshit and that you wanted the salmon.
proceed to have hilariously autistic misadventures with your new step brothers
>>7749297
Say you love your mom and do not want her to be unhappy and are thus ready to accept your step dad as your new sex slave.... but phrase it better bitch.
>>7749259
judt talkzbout how i0ts nice 00for a cuck to get ducked
Forever I thought to be
struck with virginity
but now I see the truth
that's not what life meant for me
I'll be your raunchy lover
sweet sister-soon-to-be
"Sir it is I, as you will shortly learn, who have convened you, for it is I who am the most aggrieved. I have not got wind of any host approaching about which I would warn you, nor is there any matter of public moment on which I would speak. My grievance is purely personal, and turns on two great misfortunes which have fallen upon my house. The first of these is the loss of my excellent father, who was chief among all you here present, and was like a father to every one of you; the second is much more serious, and ere long will be the utter ruin of my estate. The sons of all the chief men among you are pestering my mother to marry them against her will. They are afraid to go to her father Icarius, asking him to choose the one he likes best, and to provide marriage gifts for his daughter, but day by day they keep hanging about my father's house, sacrificing our oxen, sheep, and fat goats for their banquets, and never giving so much as a thought to the quantity of wine they drink. No estate can stand such recklessness; we have now no Ulysses to ward off harm from our doors, and I cannot hold my own against them. I shall never all my days be as good a man as he was, still I would indeed defend myself if I had power to do so, for I cannot stand such treatment any longer; my house is being disgraced and ruined. Have respect, therefore, to your own consciences and to public opinion. Fear, too, the wrath of heaven, lest the gods should be displeased and turn upon you. I pray you by Jove and Themis, who is the beginning and the end of councils, [do not] hold back, my friends, and leave me singlehanded--unless it be that my brave father Ulysses did some wrong to the Achaeans which you would now avenge on me, by aiding and abetting these suitors. Moreover, if I am to be eaten out of house and home at all, I had rather you did the eating yourselves, for I could then take action against you to some purpose, and serve you with notices from house to house till I got paid in full, whereas now I have no remedy."
>>7749296
topkek
>>7749349
laughed way harder than I should've
>>7749259
Ecclesiastes
To everything there is a season
>>7749296
nice
>>7749296
fuckin brutal
Just scream that everyone in the room is a cuck, your mom is a whore, and shoot yourself in the head.
>>7749296
crash this party with no survivors
>>7750032
Nice, let's read the bible to a whore desecrating the holiness of matrimony.
... I'm not even Christian.
>>7749296
well done
>>7749296
If you do this with a sense of levity it'll be god tier
Congratulations on getting married, I hope you find real happiness together, now let's all celebrate and have a good time.
Is it that hard?
>>7752689
Nigga he's not going to get up and speak for just 5 fucking seconds. He needs a proper speech.
>>7749296
Came to post this.
>>7752730
>He needs a proper speech.
Then maybe he should be taking this seriously and writing it from the heart instead of outsourcing it to a bunch of problem people on 4chan.
>>7752689
Yeah it is since she has NO DISCERNIBLE MORALS.
