/lit/
I have a short story due in a couple of days.
The stimulus is supposed to be pic related
and the story is about a journey.
So i decided to make a story about a kid who dreams too much to escape reality
because the picture reminded me of a dream.
I'm worried i went to meaningful or deep and whether the story is shit.
i'm in senior year of high school.
I need help. I can post it if you want.
Here:
http://pastebin.com/4HQhPGYe
It isn't finished yet.
where do I need to improve? or do I need to scrap the whole thing?
>>7737093
>So i decided to make a story about a kid who dreams too much to escape reality because the picture reminded me of a dream.
That's probably the most easiest thing to derive from that picture, and i'm sure many of your classmates write about the same subject.
>I'm worried i went to meaningful or deep and whether the story is shit.
Odd's are you're neither meaningful or deep so don't worry about it.
>>7737144
That's what i mean.
I tried to make it meaningful but i probably failed.
deep was probably the wrong word to use.
Hmm. It's embarrassing. You are spelling out your deeply co-dependant relationship with your mother. Your avoidant tendencies. Things like this are probably why your peers treat you funny.
Instead of trying to write about this stuff for some english essay, why not deal with the issues in a more effective way? You don't have the right material to be a writer. Besides, that's just a fantasy you indulge in to avoid dealing with the issues you have.
You're almost a man now. It's time to separate yourself emotionally from your mother and branch out into the world.
If this all seems harsh it's just because you haven't had any strong, mature men in your life to teach you this stuff as you went along. But better late than never.
>>7737156
Haha. seems a bit weird. i have a fine relationship with my mother.
Are you some sort of fucking psychologist?
It's a story for my english class and i want to know whether it's shit so i don't know where that came from. The kid in the story isn't supposed to be me at all in fact it is a young boy.
>>7737161
It's alright bud, I get that you need to defend your ego. But I'll just tell you, because I got to where I am through mature men calling me on my bullshit. It's very easy to see through what you're writing. You don't need to be a psychologist. Just need to have the perspective of experiencing these things. The character you're writing about is a very thin cipher for yourself.
I don't expect you to profess yourself to me here and make a fool of yourself. Just keep what I'm saying in mind. No one would write shit like that unless is has a relationship to their actual experience in life. You have a co-dependent relationship with your mother and it is smothering your personal growth.
>>7737168
Ok let's assume you are correct.
I still have to write a good story for my class so instead of criticizing me for my "co-dependent" relationship with my mother tell how i can turn the story into something actually good.
>>7737174
You can't dawg, it sucks major ass. But its just a fucking high school assignment, Im sure each and every one is dog shit. In fact, if I was the teacher I'd have blown my brains out long ago from reading this drivel.
>>7737185
Don't take it too seriously bud; this is only a Taiwanese mahjong forum for Christ's sake.
>>7737216
thanks for the criticisms i will try to punctuate it properly and add some interesting language.
How could i structure it better?
>>7737221
Spice it up by varying your sentence length. In The Recognitions, for example, Gaddis will write a string of relatively simple sentences, and then, just as it gets boring--just as you're comfortable--he knocks you on your feet with very long, very complex sentence.
>>7737221
Alternate between long and short sentence. Sometimes something short draws attention. Like this. And then you can draw someone in with those long elaborate sentences full of detail and beauty. It's like a song. You need the melody in your head.
