Wrote this in an hour, Talk to me /lit/erati... pls.
After drinking a liter of boxed merlot, I had smoked pack of Camel Blues and watched enough Chopped to give a lecture on how much Food Network
is too much. The light buzz achived from the cheap red wine had worn down to the point where I had started feeling sorry for myself again and
even jerking off for a solid hour to soft-core internet porn could not cut the sting. And it's only 11 o' clock, fuck.
Cool blog.
it's bad
wanna know why?
>>7727039
Do tell.
>>7727034
Would that be a better platform?
>>7727055
alright but you owe me motherfucker
sentences too long to begin with. bad flow
nobody cares about the list of substances you consumed, i literally got bored reading it. that combined with the droning long sentences is just fucking awful.
your tv show references exclude everyone who doesn't watch those shows and are clumsy regardless.
"to give a lecture on how much Food network is too much" this shit really took you an hour to come up with? can you not sense how disgusting the repetition of "much" is in that sentence? it's foul
this is you: "boo hoo i'm a degenerate"
nobody cares, and your writing is shit
>>7727077
Thank you. That's not all of it though. And since this it the internet I will subject its denizens with more of this filth. More of the same I suppose.
Out of curiosity, how can I repay you, shining knight of written word?
Preparing to "go out": I had changed out of my second-hand Air-force issue flight suit into the Levi 501's I had been wearing for a week straight
without underwear, tucked a white t-shirt into the waistband and laced up my god-awful brown-leather clodhoppers. Then sleeve by sleeve slid on
a charcoal colored cashmere blend top-coat, "God if I was anything I'm a slave to fashion." I checked the card key for my second floor hotel suite
was in my velcro wallet, I made certain to not let the door slam on the way out and I made sure to ask the receptionist on graveyard shift to
have a good evening.
>>7727109
>Out of curiosity, how can I repay you, shining knight of written word?
stop namefagging
do it and I might critique your next chunk
>>7727109
>le determinism image
Hello, Reddit!
>>7727121
Okies. More garbage, ahoy!
I walked across the street from the _ side to the _ side. "Damn, I hope the're open," I think. My purchases are limited to: a glass
traveler of Stolichnaya, and more cigarettes. The vodka was to make me forget how bored I am and the cigarettes are for the continued
maintenance of my girlish figure. I'd been surprised to discover how much I'd saved on groceries by mostly buying brain cell pesticide and
lung tissue thinner.
>>7727027
reminds me of Tao Lin
>>7727180
>"Damn, I hope the're open," I think.
Delete this. At least get rid of the quotations and the "I think", its already from a first person perspective so that's implied.
>brain cell pesticide and
lung tissue thinner.
Feels a little forced, needs to be slipped in more offhandishly.
>>7727196
OK. Thanks, Moar slop for the dedicated few.
I returned to the room about five minutes later, but it felt like a personal Odyssey. I was exhausted, but I knew, even after a ten hour shift
of dish-washing at my "good-for-nothing" job, and an equal amount of doing fuck all between bong hits... I KNEW that once snuggled deep under
the covers my brain would start it's hellish machinations."When's the last time you spoke to your Dad, you SAY you love him. I wonder what
Richard's up to? WHY. DON'T. YOU. JUST. DIE." So, instead, I slip my coat onto the ground next to the camping chair that serves as a way to
keep me awake for the TV/Xbox marathons that have characterized the majority of my post collegiate life.
Perhaps more to come. Perhaps not.
>>7727027
This is just an elaborate ad right?
>>7727262
Nothing but names of products clumsily thrown together with words.
>>7727027
It took you an hour to write less than 100 words?
> WHY. DON'T. YOU. JUST. DIE.
I wrote this when I was 15, but even then I knew it was too stupid to share with others.
>>7727262
yeah, the real product is the cigarettes but he tried to mix it in with some random alcohol n shit to distract, /lit/ gets ads for cigarettes, pizza and kindles. also, the sam harris and john green threads are most likely ads since no one around here is honestly interested in that junk yet they always seem to have a thread on the front page somehow
>I returned to the room about five minutes later, but it felt like a personal Odyssey.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHAHAHAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
I actually kek'd when I read that. Thanks anon!
>>7727290
think buddy, if he were selling ciggs the picture would have ciggs, not liquor. advertising is all about the image
>>7727285
Oh really, was it because you were 20 miles away from the nearest human to talk to, or because your immediate family were indifferent to your feelings. Do tell.
>>7727313
also the middle of a sentence is the lowest impact area. The beginning and end of a sentence are more memorable for whatever reason.
if he were selling ciggs he wouldn't let the fuckin food network take the coveted end of sentence extended awkward metaphor/syllogism.
>>7727333
u2 frend
>>7727313
yeah but the picture makes drinking look stupid because there is a picture of a drunk idiot busting his ass, so it's not a liquor ad, u should think
>>7727324
>Camel Blues
it's directly in the middle of the page for ppl who scrolling by
>>7727360
the point is that he's probably not selling anything, he's probably just what he seems, a pleb who wandered out of the critique thread.
>>7727363
i'm gonna give you 10 minutes to tell me why what you just said is retarded, and if I don't see it before then i'm gonna tell everyone and it's gonna burn son
