So I've been spending some of my free time writing. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1h0QkHfCO_99JXx246oQkiBlhRKCybn48BrCcJnRwBsw/edit?usp=sharing
Was wondering if anyone could give some suggestions of improvement. Plot, punctuation, structure, grammar, wording. You see things some things in [] those are things (like names) that are subject to change.
Feel free to leave a comment suggesting more character names (there will be quite a few needed) or suggesting where you'd like the story to go.
>>7724241
Just a couple of things:
Learn to use commas.
Italics are overused. When stating the name of a place, capital letters are fine. You don't need to emphasize it. The reader will figure out if that place is important. Less is more.
The stuttering is also overdone. If you must have someone stutter, a break at the start of the first word is fine. Not every sentence, and not more than once in a sentence. It's not realistic, and takes you out of the moment.
You don't need to detail the events of the next few chapters in your first sentence. Give the reader some credit, and spend some time building the scene. Detail the departure lounge a bit, break up your sentences about the Syracuse, let the information flow to the reader gradually. Don't compress more than one item of information into one sentence.
On that note, you could mention the virus a little later. Let it filter in naturally. Dropping exposition without it feeling like exposition is a great way to keep interest.
Other than that, your sentence structure is sound, your minimalist descriptive style is allowing my mind to fill in the blanks and is doing a lot of the work for you, and your dialogue is sound. Some spacing and clarification on who is speaking is needed, but it's serviceable at the moment. Try to think of how a person speaks, not a character. That should help to make it a bit more natural.
You're doing good so far, just keep practicing, and don't be afraid to make changes. Best of luck with it.
>>7724241
When u write on pc, change the font to one with no legs on the bottom of the letter, Verdana ec.
>>7724241
Anyway, did u get the inspiration from Star Citizen?
the space combat reminds me a little of "Fall of Reach", but it's still different.
I like it. Keep in mind what >>7725684 said.
You've got a story in there, and you're making good progress.
>>7725684
In regards to the Italics, I'd been under the impression that When you're talking about the name of a ship, missile, or using internal dioloug that is was appropriate to us italics and to remain consistent.
>genre fiction
>>7728006
Internal dialogue, sure. It helps to differentiate it from spoken dialogue and regular narration.
Proper nouns, no. It's just a name, it doesn't need anything more than capitals.
>>7728440
Thank you for the correction.
