The Drop
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You are currently reading a thread in /lit/ - Literature
You are currently reading a thread in /lit/ - Literature
I'm sitting among old and young people in this café.
In front of me is a tray, with a cup of coffee, and two sugar cubes on its saucer.
Soon they will go down into the hot coffee and struggle not to get melted.
I pick them up with my thumb and index finger.
Right above the round walls of the cup I let them go, both of them, and they fall into the coffee.
There was a plop, and at the same time a drop of coffee leaps upwards from the cup.
It's as if it had been resting down there at the bottom, waiting for vengeance.
Vengeance, because the sugar cubes sank down to the bottom, taking his place.
So now the drop is menacingly high above the cup.
Suddenly it turns around and heads straight towards me and my white shirt.
There's no escape.
The drop hits me right on my stomach.
I look down and watch as it spreads to the size of a thumbnail.
I have completely forgotten about the sugar cubes, which are lying down there at the bottom, getting their lungs filled with black coffee.
They're dying only to give me pleasure.
On the table is an ashtray.
There are five cigarette butts in it.
Together they form a terrifying mass grave.
...an unnecessary mass grave.
So I stand up and walk away.
Most lives end all too soon.
That's just bad, I'm sorry.
>>7708247
What about it is bad?
This whole thing is terrible but especially this line:
"It's as if it had been resting down there at the bottom, waiting for vengeance.
Vengeance, because the sugar cubes sank down to the bottom, taking his place."
What are you trying to say with this?
>They're dying only to give me pleasure
They are sugar cubes. I think they'll be ok
>>7708270
>I can't into figurativity
>>7708197
The movie was better.
>>7708283
You're contrasting mundane things such as sugar cubes to great concepts like vengeance and death.
I understand your intent, but you've made it come across as cheesy and comical.
>>7708313
yeah man it's bad
I stopped reading at
>they will go down into the hot coffee and struggle not to get melted
>>7708335
>sugar cubes
>struggle
>passive sense of not to get melted
pls op
It's already been said but that was pretty fucking shitty.
>>7708197
Also, what's with the sudden change of tense- 'There was a plop' instead of 'There is a plop'? Assuming it's just a mistake, as I can't see how it fits.
>>7708197
I get what you're trying to do but no, needs a lot of work, especially with the tenses.
>>7708197
oh shit nigga...just stop. Lost me at "struggle not to get melted."
>>7708197
This sounds like you don't read a lot of poetry and only barely understand what it's about, like you get the idea about metaphors, but you don't know how to make them genuinely compelling or meaningful.
>>7708197
i like it
>>7708730
Listen to this guy.
Keep doing what you're doing, never change!
