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You are currently reading a thread in /lit/ - Literature
You are currently reading a thread in /lit/ - Literature
So /lit/, tell me about your cringeiest Barnes & Nobles experiences.
I puked inside a B&N 5 years ago. It wasn't a lot of puke, just about 100 cc. Nobody noticed it though. I just walked out. I was very young then, so I was completely terrified that the authorities would try to catch me using the DNA from my vomit. I couldn't sleep that night.
>be me
>walk into Barnes and Noble
>ask bookseller where the philosophy section is
>bookseller points to a sign labeled 'philosophy' covered in cobwebs and dripping with blood
>only book available is Hegel's Phenomenology of Spirit
>ask the bookseller if he has any Intro philosophy in the back
>tell him that I like aphorisms with my coffee in the morning
>bookseller sneers and beckons me closer
>"only plebs don't have innate synthetic a priori knowledge of Kant's philosophy" he whispers
>shrug and walk away
>end up browsing the Nature section and getting a book on turtles
>>7644956
I kek'd
>be me
>go into a barnes and noble
>ask the guy if he has women and men joseph mcelroy
>he's never heard of it
>can't find it on the shelves
>i ask when the next shipment comes in
>he asks the manager
>mfw they dont even stock it
>>7644955
>5 years ago
>I was very young
>>7644910
I bought the B&N Plato book and I regret it. The translation is stylistically ugly, the book is big and unsightly (far more than it needs to be), and it doesn't really have any important extra information that isn't obvious background info. I definitely prefer my local used bookstore. I got the Kamasutra there.
>>7644910
>17 Years old
>Go into chapters
>sales-lady is chubby, cute looking 25 year old
>ask sales-lady if she has the book "The Game"
>trying to be a pick-up artist
>end up flirting the sales lady for 20min
>buy the book
First time ever flirting with a stranger, I'm guessing she just wanted to make the sale or was bored and happy to make conversation during the slow part if the day
>I was so happy for the rest of that day
"Fair maiden book peddler, deliver at once one copy of Infinite Jest by Sir David Foster Wallace, hallowed be his name, to my bosom."
She looked at me dumbstruck, my reference to high literature having rattled her minimum wage soul to its blackened core. For a moment, she averted her gaze downward and managed a silent prayer to Bernie Sanders to forgive her of debt and sin.
"DAVEY FOSTY WALLY" I adjusted to her level.
"DAVEY FOSTY WALLY" I bellowed several times in my studied impression of a caged retard.
The depraved normies of Barnes & Noble turned to face the scene. On cue, I promptly shit myself to gas them out. My freshly acquired retard strength knocked the normie cunt bookseller stiff.
I deftly scooped up a copy of Infinite Jest lying on a table in the Young Adult's section. A trail of trampled bodies with squashed empty heads led me to the exit where my mother waited to take me to the adjoining McDonald's for chicken tendies.
>>7644910
>be me, years ago, a 17 year old white weirdo with frizzy hair
>want Don Quixote
>I've only ever read the name before so I don't actually know how to pronounce it
>go to b&n
>cute sales girl
>ask her where I can find Dawn Kwicks oh tee
>she laughs at me and asks if I'm looking for Don Quixote
>she probably never even read it, and I started only buying books on Amazon for like 2 years after that
>anyway, mfw
>>7645192
Did the exact same thing. I still cringe whenever I hear the word quixotic.
i have a bukowski tattoo and when i was working in waterstones once this girl was looking at one of his poetry books and i was like hey wat are u looking at? =] and when she showed it i was like 'no way, i have a tattoo of his stuff' and showed it and she was clearly not impressed and i instantly realised i had just become a guy who shows somebody his bukowski tattoo unsolicited
I went there looking for a bunch of David Levithan books and the lady there was really nice about helping me find themcause she thought I was a gay
>>7645192
Who the heck is Don Quick-oats?
I worked in their tech support for nooks.
The company is a joke.
>>7645445
low tier b8
>>7645192
>be me, 16 year old
>bad social anxiety, talking to other people was hard
>finally force myself to go to a local bookstore because I ran out of money on my debit card
>walk in, don't look anyone in the eye
>try to find my way around but it's confusing as fuck
>knock over a couple books
>qt 3.14 hipster employee laughs and helps me pick them up
>smiles and asks me if I need help finding anything
>"Yeah, I'm trying to find the myth of sisyphus by albert CAYMISS"
>she giggles and covers her mouth and corrects me
>buy the book and never come back
I'm very glad I'm no longer a teenager
>>7645450
What's wrong with the company itself? All the stories in here that aren't meming are just people that mispronounced authors when they were younger. These threads are just a weird attempt to have a /lit/ version of /v/'s gamestop greentext
>>7645558
They were just incredibly disorganized and generally clueless about most stuff. Their customer service/support policies had very little care for the customers. They were so tight and money grabbing that I was under the impression they were going under. Customers frequently had issues with ebooks which didn't work or had content missing and it was very difficult to get a refund out of them. One of their nooks had a known issue with hairline cracks appearing on the screen but they kept selling them and even giving them out as replacement for faulty discontinued nooks still under warranty. Probably the same as any other company but seeing it first hand from the inside is quite striking.
>>7645113
>chubby
>cute looking
Gross.
>working at B&N
>asshole kid pukes in fantasy section
>boss forces me to clean it because i'm the new guy
>secretly secure a sample in a plastic bag
>take it for DNA analysis
>become obsessed with catching this kid and exacting my revenge
>don't sleep at night, imagining different ways to ruin his life
>dna analysis comes back
>it's some 17 year old neckbeard
>dedicate my entire life to preventing him from being successful
>hes currently a neet living with his mom and browsing a pakistani image board for 12 hours a day
>>7645668
so why did you puke in the fantasy section?
>>7645648
amor fatty
>>7645696
Have you seen the fantasy section?
>gerard and mikey way are working at a barnes and noble in new jersey
>gerard stumbles upon "three tales of chemical romance" by irvine welsh
>my chemical romance are born
only plebs can't recognize MCR's relative literary merit within music
>>7646031
Well and truly keked Mon amarar
>>7645470
Wait, Camus isn't pronounced Cayy-muss?
>>7645170
6/10. If you'd cut down on it just a tiny bit it could be 9/10.
Ignatius Reilly is a good case study if you want to emulate that kind of narration.
>you will never be american
>>7646185
>you will never be from the united states
>>7644910
I worked at a Barnes and Nobles for a year and a half. One night someone rolled a shit at the front counters, which were right in front of the bathroom. My guess is that it was one of those old people pantsleeve shit that gained a little too much momentum. One of the managers cleaned it up. There was a huge line.
>>7646200
i saw this shit once at the bathroom at the train terminal in hoboken, someone like took a shit right at the exit, i was like god damn how did they shit right in the fucking doorway? and of course they had these fans blowing full force so shit stank was like fumigating the whole shit...that's when i realized that even if hitler was wrong about a lot of stuff, incinerating the homeless is a fucking great idea.
Not B&N but
>be reading The Stranger
>some guy comes up to me and calls me entry-level
>tells me that his other books are much better
>before he leaves he says "Plus, sartruh is much better than caymus anyway."
>mfw
>>7646235
existentialism was a fucking gay move anyways, nietzsche already solved that line of whining before it even started...the french need to stick to writing about rich dude with ennui and striving social climbers with a lot of debt or whatever, cuz exploring the value and meaning of life just ain't gonna happen in a degenerate latinoid culture like france
>Hi do you have Borgezz Fickionays?
>>7646246
>Nietzsche
>>7646246
>autistic post
>>7646135
/kam'y/
>>7645192
>dess-kart-eez
>knight-sydja
I've made mistakes like these in the past, I blame English spelling.
>>7645466
>he hasn't read Byron's Don Juan
fucking FIRST YEARS
>>7646246
You realize the existentialists were students of Nietzsche right?
>>7646504
So... who is Naitsiddja? Naitsjda? Nietzsja? Nietzsche? Seriously mang, Nietzsche?
Once I walked into b&n and I saw tai Lopez taking to his phone, taking a selfie video in the self help section. I walked over from the classical lit section and started looking at books behind him to get in the video. I coughed and dropped this stupid book I was looking at twice so he had to do a retake. He turned around and asked me to leave I told him it's a free country. So he moved to the business section and I followed him there after he started his video again . he left and minutes later I had staff telling me to leave. Guy is a fucking asshole
>>7644910
>be at public swimming pool
>pool attendant comes along
>takes sample of water
>some post-toddlers in the pool ask him what he´s doing
>"I´m taking a sample. Soon we´ll know who of you pissed into the pool
>One of the kids immediately starts to cry
>>7646031
Lel
>>7646863
That wasn't Nietzsche though. Where are people getting Nietzsche?
>>mispronounced plato
>>b&n guy with speech impediment
>>???
somebody post it
>walk into b&n at Mall of America
>go to philosophy section to kill time
>it's all self-help Dale Carnagie-esque garbage
>do a 360 and leave
>on the way out pass by their "Classics" section
>mostly Jane Austen and Bronte sisters crap
>actually saw P&P of Zombies stocked alongside and with their other "Classics"
>Knew this wasn't the troll of their stockboys
>Do another 360 and leave for good
>Went upstairs to check out the hot sauce store
>Saw a few bottles of hot sauce that looked good
>Went up to food court for some Panda Express
>Get a bowl of General Tso's
>Just ate the chicken and threw away the rice.
>Left that shit hole for good.
>>7646999
>Turns in full circle
>Somehow ends up walking the other direction
PLOT HOLE
>>7647018
Hello red dit
>>7646999
>mostly Jane Austen and Bronte sisters crap
modern /lit/, everyone
>>7647022
i dunno man i've never seen a jane austen thread here, let alone a bronte one
>>7645170
The beginning of this is similar to Monty Python's Cheese Shop sketch.
