Christmas edition!
i wonder what's gonna happen next year
i wonder if i'll find better friends
i wonder if i'll get deported
i wish i had some opiates rn
Will be spending Christmas alone for the first time ever. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. But at least there will be plenty of time to read on my own. Just finished making myself dinner, which consisted of meat-filled ravioli and pumpkinseed oil-- It was yummy. Might even have enough time to go catch a flick or something. I also heard it's popular to go out clubbing on Christmas in this city, so I might consider doing that. Lastly, the Deutsch girl in this flat I'm staying in is so fucking hot, and I would absolutely rawdawg it with her and impregnate her with my seed.
i wanna fucking wack off but since it's a holiday all my roommates are off from work...i want to do some reading and programming, but i'm horny as shit and keep browsing porno
>>7500863
Bathroom, phone, headphones
Just get it out.
all i ever wanted was a cool punk rocker grrl-friend....
>>7500836
I hate Christmas; I love Yuletide.
Every relationship I ever get in always gets ruined because of the ever creeping disgust I begin to feel for myself and them. I want to be alone. At least I'll be alone this Christmas.
Listening to gg allin
fucking on a Taiwanese furryporn board
normies having a good time
fuck
>>7500846
Impress her with some Nietzsche quotes
>>7501185
triggered
I don't have the power to kill myself - I'm just too normie and I actually like this world.
Fuck you, nerds, I hope you all either suicide or die horribly without your intent..
I HATE CHRISTMAS
>>7501230
i'm not normie but im just too fucking stubborn to go out like that
Of all the people involved in the fight of the great great uncle of that woman, I've had to listen to the boy in the blue shirt, the one who is constantly looking at the clouds and expecting us to watch over his fire. There is a drought in the the near east but we should not be alarmed, for three thousand reptiles are coming to the sewers this morning. Only then we will understand what it means to have your sketchbook thrown into the river and the mouse that has chewed on your shoelaces is now crawling up your left leg. Sixteen, sixteen years of my life wasted on this marvellous run of toxic skateboarding. I wish there was hope for another pack of cigarettes tonight, but Daisy is never going to let my friends pass through the portal, nor she will tell my father what he has to do to save the obvious chamber from sitting still in the living room, unharmed, untouched, olive oil to the right and five corpses hanging on the west side of the bed.
(automatic writing, 3 min)
I hate all the goddamn noise that the old men make in this house. Cheese is good. I'm almost done with my shitty quadrilogy about crippled and retarded dragons. Then I'll have to finish reading all the real books I interrupted, fuck. I am angry enough to kill people but I mustn't. I wish I didn't throw up constantly.
> tfw first christmas without daddy
>>7500836
If I shot myself in the foot I could spend the night in the hospital
At least then I'd have someone to care for me
im content with life. ive found balance with attempting to find meaning in life and not be a douchebag to those who arent.
We should report everything with a frog or feel picture, don't even read the text.
Only redditors think 4chan is for shitposting.
I hope all normalfags get fucking shot but int the end they will be the only ones alive.
I really need to find the next book to read...
The fragile old man was a battery being sapped out of its last remaining energy. The withered, lifeless plants from last week's visit reflected his physical state. And yet, the old woman was convinced that she saw signs of improvement.
For sale: lonely NEET, never loved
I don't know you people anymore.
I don't want to know you people ever again.
Can I go home now?
Will I always be hyperaware of the present moment's influence on my memory, or will I eventually be able to think and act with no self conscious, calculated analysis and behavior?
>>7500836
I miss having a woman at my side. I cant wait to get back home and see my wife.
I feel embarrassed by the fact that I'm insane. I know it's not my fault, but I feel like maybe I collaborate with it in some way. It's so seductive, escaping into my delusions. They're like a warm blanket I can wrap around myself. Senpai would be very disappointed. I have given up rationality for literal comfortable delusions, without even the pretense of their truth. A psychotic break isn't something you can just will to go away. Still, why aren't I fighting harder? Especially since from any non-delusional perspective, my delusions are pathetic, laughable, and contemptible. Is reality so painful that I've given up on it; no, that I can't hold onto it any longer? Part of me wants to go off the meds so I can hear her voice clearly again. I wish I could say that I just want to be normal, but really, I just want the pain to go away one way or the other. Perhaps I am oddly blessed, and dignity is just the price of that blessing. Perhaps the gods are punishing me for their amusement. I did try to kill all those people, and they did stop me. Oh well, perhaps best not to dwell on it.
Pretentious as it is to feel this way, there's a massive gap in interests between myself and my family. "He got an eleven point buck," instead of, "have you ever read [author's name]?" "I could never pass my GED's mathematics portion," instead of any conversation of any substance.
>>7501679
I know this feel, and it isn't good.
I feel like I can't connect with my dad at all, about virtually anything. I'll try to explain to him stuff I'm learning at school (I'm in Computer Science) and he tries but literally every time I do his only reply is "It's crazy that someone had to come up with that", regardless of what I'm talking about. It's just shitty because unless I have some essentially shallow story about something I saw or something someone did, I can't talk to him. I either need to deliberately talk to him about things that bore me, or I can't talk to him at all.
I feel nervous, as if I'm waiting for some major advent. I guess it's because of Christmas eve and the new year coming.
I feel alienated from my family.
I feel alienated from society
I feel like my mind is not letting me acknowledge my own existence.
I'm too fascinated with life to kill myself.
I could go out but I don't want to drink and drive on Christmas eve. I don't want to talk to anyone about anything at the moment, even though everyone thinks I'm a social butterfly. These huge waves of social activity everyone thinks I am a part of, these vast numbers of people other people think I'm busy hanging out with, its all a farce. I'm watching Deep Space Nine in pajamas. People either don't actually like me or they are so beta they don't text me to want to hang out. I am a sham. I am ashamed. I do nothing to improve myself of help others. When do I get my LSAT scores back? I want to leave the house and leave my family for a while but really I just want to be alone in my room, everything else is too much effort.
>>7501881
bro were can i watch some 90s star trek? sounds comfy as fuck, preferably streaming i dont feel like torrenting 90 gigs of shitty tv shows...
>>7501890
Netflix has all of the series. It is comfy. Which is why I'm not leaving the house.
>>7501785
>hey dad
>hi child
>wanna have a chat?
>sure?
>what kind of music do you like?
>i dont listen to music
>okay, wanna talk about something... you know.. not prosaic and shallow?
>sure
>how was your day?
>good
Dad pls. I'm trying, I really am.
>>7501900
>Netflix
meh, that's a little too "urban" for me after "netflix and chill" became a thing, Netflix clearly wants to be the Vine of streaming video, I'll just stick to iTunes and Youtube
>>7501907
Your dad tries though?
I think I've met my dad about 20 times in total. Fuck that guy.
>>7501881
everyone who you think is doing things is doing this, which is why doing things is a fucking farce
>>7501915
>netflix too urban
>Perverts guide to ideology
>Deep Space 9
>weeb shit and Friends
Come on man, even the first month is free or some shit.
>>7501918
black lives matter
>>7501920
dude if someone axe u what u did over the vacay and u say "netflix and chill" u gonna look like a wigger and no one likes wiggers
dae believe in christmas miracle my life is shit and i could really go for one right now
>>7501928
What did you do over the break?
>"I finished watching Deep Space 9
No one says netflix and chill unironically, just like no one used YOLO unironically.
>>7501918
Yeah, fuck that guy, hah hah.. hah... haaaahh..
But no, in all seriousness, anon, it sounds like a pretty shitty, and perhaps unresolvable, situation. My humblest condolences.
>>7501931
no one uses "thug life" or "the struggle is real" unironically but it's still gay
>>7501936
You'd be surprised (and terribly disappointed).
This is how I feel.
I love ypu and hope 2016 is a happy, productive year full personal growth and self actualization. Please be kind to yourself and to all other beings.
>>7501977
*you
My childhood friend and his little sister came over for christmas eve I really want to bang his little sister
she's 14 so no pedo
My sister looks like a punker, parties every night, is wasted every day, smokes and does pot and is obsessive about friends, but she gets better grades than me and just got a major in psychology what the fug.
>>7502013
>psychology
>degenerate
No wonder
Is Christmas a meme?
i hate christmas. right not i'm listening to a good tim kliphuis album and desperately hoping that my dad will leave me alone. he's sitting on my bed, looking at my presents. i just want to smoke more weed. the senpai is downstairs. fuck this.
>>7501915
>meh
>is like 2 urban bro
Fucking die
>>7501907
>I dont listen to music
Maybe you should start
I have to stop caring so much about other people
>>7500836
This christmas is just like last year. I spend half a year focusing on something and think about it all the time. And then I collapse, everything breaks and I end up crying myself to sleep for a week or two and spend the holiday being a weak shit.
Last year it was school. I spent almost all my time on homework, making almost straight A's; when I wasn't studying i was playing computer or lurking on 4chan to kill any thoughs and feelings related to stress.
This year it is a girl. I met her in the last weeks of summer. She was amazing. I couldn't think on anything but her. I remember the first months, when the weather was still warm. Not that i cared much. Everything else seemed dull and a bit wrong compared to her. She knew I liked her, and I guess she liked me too. But time passed and our feelings aged. Last time we met, she told me that we couldn't be in a relationship; she didn't like me as much as earlier. I must admit that my own feelings have weakened a bit. Now the world only fades compared to her. I still can't stop thinking about her though. I never got to tell her that I love her.
Now I'll have to go to bed, it's almost two o'clock. I can feel the tears already.
>>7500841
>i wonder if i'll get deported
I hope.
WHAT THE FUCK IS SO FUCKING SPECIAL ABOUT HER?
AAAAAARGHGGHVBJC M,DFG
FUCK HUMAN CONDITION
I tried.
Not that it really matters to say, not that the words have retained any meaning besides granting passing assuage to the glares of the unsaid, screaming in hushed tone the anxious stream of imagined disdain made real.
It runs concurrent to the endless pointless overdrawn overdone witticisms and observations in my mind, the things girls tell me is cute when I date them, and tiring when it's all said and done. The off-week Shouts & Murmurs columns I keep in there, thinking I'm smarter than I actually am, and then thinking I'm not that smart and thinking that my knowing my not being smart clearly marks a level of intelligence, ad nauseum, ad infinitum.
It doesn't matter that's tangential to the fact that I tried.
And I'm not sure if it worked, and I'm not sure if it matters. My sister still hates me, or at least hates that I can't rent in this bright block of a noir city, hates that she can't just give up on me like everyone else. But I see in her eyes the same look of pity, knowing I can't back out of my worthless liberal arts degree because It's the only thing I'm half good at.
I want to love a girl, she lets me read her back issues of the Atlantic. But Christmas I spent with her trying not to show to her family how bleak I actually am.
I tried
But,
Am I actually happier being in a bright world, being connected to all this information and entertainment, do I feel happier? I feel like I'm just numb and searching for meaning in all of it. I don't even know if I want happiness or simply quiet contentment.
I know I'm not content, but I wonder if it would be like this no matter the external variables.
Would I be less depressed as a cave person?
>>7501259
>Living out of spite
I love you 4chan.
