i just turned 22 and i am realizing that i know nothing and have accomplished nothing. i went from being the kid who read too much/was curious about things to the depressed loner/druggy in high school. and the past four years i have worked at two dead end jobs while doing nothing of value in my spare time (unless you count aa and a codependent relationship with a girl "of value"). i have no college degree. i have not read any of the important books. i have no particular skills besides listening to and reading about music. even that, though is pretty surface level and i don't really know much. i'm sorry if this sounds like a blog post, i just hope that there's someone on here who understands and can help me. i'm sitting here wanting to kill myself over all of this wasted time. the only solution i can think of is to go to community college for as long as i have to until i can transfer to a good school, and while doing that read as much as possible, learn to play an instrument, watch new films often, learn a language, keep a semi rigorous schedule and work out/get good sleep/eat well. if you have any other suggestions i'd really appreciate it.
>>7444870
write.
thumbs up for the coil album. *liked*.
>>7444870
Start with the Greeks. Not memeing. Start reading philosophy. Start eating and sleeping regularly. Stop wasting too much time online.
I wish I could help you, but I'd have to become your friend first, which I would like to do but can't right now, sorry.
All I might be able to do is tell you the meaning of life, which is to bring something entirely new into the world. Good luck.
I'd like to see what you write about music.
As both a musician and a total music-lover / analyst I've always thought being a musician is integral to being a good analyst
>>7444883
the main point of me posting this is because the realization that there has been so much knowledge i could have attained by now (mainly through reading and an education). i'm sure not all of you went straight to college at 18 right?
>>7444886
listening to it right now. how do i write if i've hardly read anything?
>>7444890
i just started reading infinite jest. dunno if it that's a good idea. i have a ton of books, i've just hardly read any of them and i've only started most.
>>7444891
thank you, if you are interested in helping me i'm sure there is a way we could communicate
>>7444896
what do you want me to write? i just listen to a lot of music. i don't know much though.
>>7444919
because of*
sorry it's late
>>7444870
I was always pretty good at writing and reading and English and stuff in back in school. Everyone told me I was really good at least. I didn't think much of it.
Then I went to music school and really thought I was going to "make it". Well, some things happened that I won't get into, and I just realized it wasn't for me.
So it took me until 21 to realize that writing was what I really wanted to do and by then I'd barely been reading anything since I'd been so busy with music. Basically, I was in the same spot as you. I'd read nothing of the literary cannon, written nothing, never been published.
But I started reading. Because that's all you really can do. And I found books I liked and I made a point to read as much as possible. And I'm slowly starting to get caught up. I'm only 23 now, but I've read more in the past 2 years than I have in my entire life and more importantly, I've made good habits. So I don't worry as much about the future anymore.
Decide on something you want to do. Going to college isn't something, although some things could be helped by college.
Decide on what you want to do and make good habits. You're young. It's no big deal.
just put yourself in order (lift weights, meditate, stop smoking weed, watching porn, whatever)
then you can go to school or not, and learn a language or an instrument if you actually want to, and probably get a better job and start reading books or whatever by just doing things, not by making lists or other self-involved bullshit
i am more or less you. 21 years old been neet for two years. my skills are mostly the same, an art aficionado (visual art excluded, i'm interested, just not knowledgable), strong on the "consumer" (analyitical, i prefer) part, low on actually creating. have never worked in my life. went to uni for one semester, didn't like it. no friends (i stayed away from them, didn't find them interesting anymore). i'm not depressed or sad, because i find so much value in art that it fills every need i will ever have (for now, i want to move out and meet people eventually). i resonate with the "learn an instrument" part because this year i realized i want to be an artist, and that i will probably live my life with the possibility of not ever making it, and having to settle with dead-end jobs forever. which is specially suicidal when you consider that i have never played an instrument, and, well, i'm 21 (though i have the listening and reading a lot of music part in my favour).
i also feel your pain on the knowledge part. though i'm interested in art, and i would call myself well versed in music and to a degree, cinema, (and videogames, but that's herency of years of being a teenager reading about the history of the medium), my true passion for it started very recently, and i keep seeing these internet profiles of teenagers listening to eai, free improv, and discussing high-brow literature (a medium i arrived to this year), which obviously reminds me of the wasted time. but then again that's just the nature of life and i'm really happy that i'm settled on what i love and want to do at 21.
thought i'd share (at least i enjoy reading about people living similar lifestyles). hope we both make it!
>>7444919
If you keep reading Infinite Jest you will definitely kill yourself.
former neet here, followed basically the same path as you OP. going to school now, working out/reading/writing when I can. I think it's just being busy that staves off depression. only advice I can give is only go on antidepressants as a last resort. shit has the potential to fuck you up permanently.
>>7444870
I was effectively a neet until 21 when I restarted uni studying computer science, which was a good decision in a litany of bad ones. You should forget about learning an instrument, learning a language and you should scale down your expectations of the returns you're going to get from 'important books', new films and music. Without knowing any specifics, college sounds like a good idea, as does a semi-disciplined (i.e. don't be a slob) lifestyle of working out, going out, eating and sleeping as though you're an an adult human, and developing relationships and an unerring positive attitude, while working a part-time job if your college commitments allow.
y'all a bunch of fags, embrace the misery
>>7444870
Stop freaking out and ask yourself, what the fuck does 'accomplished nothing' mean? Accomplishment is very subjective. With time you'll realise that you going to a great college could be as much of a waste of time as dedicating your time to learning an instrument or sitting at home wanking yourself into a coma. Try to trace where your definitions of 'success' and 'happiness' come from because you might just be parroting someone else's definitions and not necessarily believing them, which would make anyone feel empty. It's also REALLY FUCKING IMPORTANT to eat well and work out.
>i just turned 22
You're a fucking kid. Just set your mind on accomplishing things one at a time.
Save up some money, go to school, earn a degree, get a professional job, travel, get married, have children.
Enjoy life and don't compare yourself to other.
>>7444870
> the only solution i can think of is to go to community college for as long as i have to until i can transfer to a good school, and while doing that read as much as possible, learn to play an instrument, watch new films often, learn a language, keep a semi rigorous schedule and work out/get good sleep/eat well.
Set a target, don't reach it, be more depressed. Also, your list doesn't mention "getting friends". Sounds like a good setup for more failure. Start with the Indians.
>>7444919
Write me why TPAB was shit
>>7445076
>human connection
filth
>>7444970
marijuana and pornography is where its @ m8
>>7445080
edgelord xD
>>7445089
memelord xD
I'm not sure I'm in a position to suggest anything to you, since I've stayed up procrastinating instead of studying for finals. But you know, three years ago I probably wouldn't have imagined I would be alive today, and surely when I see most of my classmates are one, two, three years younger than I am, and I fucked around for so long, I sure can see where you're coming from. Everyone seems so great in comparison to me, and I so terrible.
But that's just my thoughts. What the hell do I know what other people have done with their life or how they will end up? And really, what did and do I feel so bad about? I think I had a pretty enjoyable life. Often that it was so enjoyable was the thing that cause me distress; I considered I didn't deserve it and something horrible would happen as a result of my hedonism. Wasn't I just being greedy, really? I had a pleasurable life and it stressed me that I wasn't going to get anything good anymore. Or was some part of my mind trying to prepare me for the worse times I was expecting?
Why was I fretting over such a thing, anyway? If I was just some horrible person, one in millions, and one day I was just going to die, like anyone else, like anything else; why worry over such a small existence? What did I want out of life, really? Who'd told me I should or had the right to be good? Good for whom? If somebody told me I wasn't evil because I hadn't hurt anybody, that would bother me, because I'd rather be evil than be nothing at all. Was that not just a sense of self-importance, a lack of humbleness? Didn't I just want to put myself over others, or at least myself?
I can only tell you this: Do not reject your life. Do not disregard it nor regret it. All time is wasted, all paths lead to and come from death; but in the now, everything's part of life, even the lifeless rocks, even that which once breathed. The difference between being and not being is absolute; if you believe yourself a nothing, know that that is a contradiction. Surrender, give up, completely; even give up on giving up. Go all the way. Forget your fears and forget your hopes. Let go and realize you couldn't grasp in the first place; let yourself absolutely open and see how nothing can hurt you. Good and bad, pain and pleasure, they're all the same thing. Don't despair over not living a life that you cannot live and was never going to happen to begin with. And if there's something you want to do, simply do it: there's no other moment when you could or should do it but now.
And more than anything: Don't forget these are just words.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BOK8f7ZymDI
>>7445126
I have to say once I read about Amor Fati and to a lesser extent eternal recurrence I got much, much more calm in my head.
I haven't even read Nietszche yet but I feel like he's a philosopher unmotivated neets should read for sure.
>>7445136
I haven't gone through Nietzsche yet either (too busy procrastinating or not procrastinating), but I find it funny how Amor Fati is so similar to what seems to me the central tenet of all religion, in such a self-affirming and anti-Christian philosophy. But I guess that's the nature of opinions and words, to be as transcient as anything else in life.
>>7444870
Dude you're 22. It's fine. 3 more years and suddenly the government is even MORE willing to throw money at you for college. Also, no 22 year old has done shit or has shit to say.
>>7444870
>i know nothing and have accomplished nothing
Neither of those will change no matter what you do. Such is life.
>>7444870
it's not about quantity or quality, OP. it's where you stick it in.
what i'm trying to say is you should apply for the CIA.
"Oh poor me! Life isn't fair! The world doesn't think I'm a special snowflake! Life sure was easier when I could sit in front of the TV, jamming fistfuls of chicken tendies in my face while my developing mind was brutally sodomized by the weapons grade autism programming of Toonami!"
Life isn't fair. Your parents are partially to blame the rest lies upon you. Some people have real problems. Stop being a a sniveling little shit and GTFO. Someone is going to need your internet space to shitpost about the literary equivalent of Neon Genesis Evangelion. Pic related, that's your stupid ass
Why are you here whining despite you know what to do? Go learn a language, watch new films, keep a “semi rigorous” schedule, work out, learn to play an instrument and f-u-c-k-i-n-g read.
>>7444870
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGGGGGGG UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPP
>>7445365
this post is a shitpost
learn from it and move on
>>7444870
fuck the greeks and just read Infinite Jest
>>7445075
>just pull yourself up by the bootstraps!
fucking idiot
>>7445088
yeah those are two parts of my day where i get the most solid introspection done anyway, i guess for alot of other people they must seem like grey or/dead time in a persons day but they really serve as better recreation than watching mindless reality tv.
>>7445078
hahahah
shit taste
>>7445088
My dad has been doing that every night for the past 20 years, along with beer.
He is a very sad man.
>>7445677
hell yeah m8
>>7445697
sad because weed, porn and beer or weed, porn and beer because sad?
>>7445697are you Pinecone's son?
>>7444994
>i'm not depressed or sad, because i find so much value in art that it fills every need i will ever have
wish i could feel like that (i'm not op)
>>7445024
>only advice I can give is only go on antidepressants as a last resort. shit has the potential to fuck you up permanently
what do you mean?
>>7444870
You're still young, don't throw the rest of your life away for such shitty reasons. I mean, you are literally killing yourself (giving up all the time you have left in this world) because you wasted your time when you were young? Damn dude.
Also after being such a lazy fuck, I would jump into all that shit at once. Yeah it's nice to play instruments, learn languages, but it seems like, with your habits, you would just overwhelm yourself.
Start small. Pick one or two things you really like any do them every day. You're probably not going to retain interest in all that shit you listed, and you seem to just being picking out your potential pursuits at random.
>>7444870
I'm in the exact spot as you are.
Most of my friends are getting their Bachelor's degrees in various vocations, some even have their own businesses by now. And what have i done? What have i become? I'm living at home, withering away in my tiny room. I have not accomplished anything yet and does it matter? To my ego, yes, to my parents, of course! They're worried about me and they should be i think. I've indulged myself with alcohol, tobacco, psychedelics and other psyche-destroying substances. I've once tried to, rather spontaneously, kill myself. That was not six months ago. Now, i'm different. I'm trying, or at least that's what i'm telling myself. It's hard, there's no doubt about it. I will be a screenwriter or die trying, in poverty and forgotten. No more have i this shame pushing me down, the fear of failure - i have already failed, hit the bottom. It's a climb from here, albeit a long and hard one (that's what she said). I've my feet steadily on the bottom of this pit and as god's my witness, i'll climb out of here. Fuck the wall and fuck everyone else. Figure out what you want and, as the great Shila Le Beef said, JUST DO IT.
Take up a musical instrument.
It's been shown to increase cognitive ability.
>>7444870
Cool blog OP, I think I'll pass on subscribing for more, though.
>>7444870
This isn't the best place to ask for help, but oh well.
>A)
All the best books you can read will be in a library with the exception of very recent ones. If you have free time then go there and get some out! FREE. FUCKING. BOOKS. Get the smallest editions and keep them in your coat pockets to read on buses or anywhere at all.
You're 22, its late, but its not too late. There are thousands of people less fortunate, and less aware of their situation. The sooner you start, the sooner you'll finish, and seeing this in yourself is the first step.
And reading "important books" is not necessarily the best measure of a life well lived...
Figure out whether you really want to pursue reading/writing. If so, then you might want to consider passing on school altogether and just keep reading and working part time. Otherwise, go for what you want.
>>7445064
This as well. Working out and sleep is imperative to a healthy mental state. If you're depressed than having a natural high, raised confidence and a physical outlet / incentive to be active is ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL.
>>7446223
For memory most likely. Learning music/language helps with neruo-plasticity but its best when you're young.
Always worth a try. If you learn piano just a bit every day, its a skill you'll have your whole life. Unless you get arthritis or something you can play piano in your 70s and be a muthafuckin cool old man.
>>7446210
You will die trying anyway, just end it already.
>>7446342
too anti-climatic for me.
thanks all of the responses. I apologize if this sounded like a cry for help or attention. I am in no way suicidal. I am not a neet. i moved out of my parents house when I was 18 and have lived with a girl until last week (only mention the last part because since getting over her a bit I've realized a lot of our relationship was a waste of time and didn't do much besides give me a steady dose of oxytocin). it just really hit me last night that I have no actual knowledge about anything and no skills or accomplishments. if I had actively pursued knowledge growing up I could be well read, proficient in an instrument, know a language or two, have a college degree by now etc. when I use logic I know I'm just a kid and it's not "too late". it's just that I let emotional thinking consume me and forget the real truth, which is that I need to start now, today, and keep moving forward. the one think I think I have going for me is that I have no solidified opinions about anything and I actively question everything all the time. I guess the main point of this thread is to possibly connect with a few other people who are hungry for knowledge but have also wasted a lot of time. already seen a few of you in here and I apreciate reading your posts.
fuck off to /adv/ cunt
>>7446523
ok i will, sorry
>>7446523
actually nvm, i've stated twice that this thread is related to knowledge and reading. the personal ranting about my silly, non important life specifics are just to bring up the subject of wanting to learn but wasting a good amount of time first. mods delete this thread if it's that unrelated, I don't think it is though.
>>7446210
what knowledge do you posses regarding psychedelics?
>>7446707
read the fucking sticky and fuck off cunt
>>7444870
sounds like me
>>7446491
I'm pretty much the same, right down to age, thoughts, currently reading and reforming druggie.
Meditation helps a whole lot with pretty much all of it.
http://www.vipassana.com/meditation/mindfulness_in_plain_english.php
OP. I occasionally have fits of existential dread like you're experiencing now. I'm 24. Didn't go to college, but I've been entirely self sufficient since I was eighteen. It took me a long time to see this simple fact as an "accomplishment", but now it's something that gives me some sense of not being a total loser.
It's hard sometimes. I'm a pretty intelligent guy, and so growing up I often found myself hanging out with the AP-crowd. You know, really smart kids who spent most of their free time chasing extra curriculars and planning for college. I never did any of these things. I read a lot and I played a lot of video games. I don't know why I never applied myself more in school, especially given the feelings of insecurity I experience hanging around my more academically motivated friends. It's not like I couldn't do it. I simply chose not to.
Even today, sometimes the thought of waiting tables the rest of my life is pretty depressing, but I'd still rather do that the rest of my life then spend even one week in a community college classroom.
I know I'm rambling. What I'm trying to get at, is that I'm someone who is and perhaps always has been completely fulfilled by creation. Either in consuming the works of others or creating my own.
It took me along time to say out loud that my only goal in life was to develop as an artist. I play music and I write. I'm not particularly good at either. In fact, last week I pretty much bombed an audition. It was humiliating to see the look of disappointment in the faces of guys several years younger than me.
I take solace in knowing that it isn't a race though. That creation is all about the process and getting to where I want to be might take my entire life so there's no sense in trying to rush things.
As for the wasted time: My first few years of adulthood were spent binge drinking and consuming hard drugs. Those years (18-22) were probably my least productive years. I never read less in my entire life. I don't see those years as wasted though. I experienced so much, felt so many things for so many people, and learned a lot from the people around me who didn't survive that period. Those years were sort of the "process" that led to the creation of the person I am today. It informs so much of my artistic aesthetic that I don't know what kind of artist i'd be had I had a safe and "productive" college experience.
There are millions of people who lived generically "productive" lives. They went to college started families and woke up one morning in their 50s maddened over the fact that they can't figure out why they're not happy.
So chill. Pick an instrument that interests you and practice while watching new films. That's two birds with one stone. See where that takes you.
>>7447087
what'd you audition for? a band?
>>7447099
Yeah. I need to work on my improv.
>>7445770
i didn't have this love naturally, i just sort of felt into a frame of mind that tells me art is simply the most immense thing there is beside human interactions. i wish you luck in finding that which makes you happy anon
Start beating off 3 times a day and eat a diet rich in sugar. Shower twice a week and beat off 3 times a day. Make sure you don't meditate or workout that will lower your testosterone. Make daily facebook posts about being a vegan and beat off 3 times a day.
>>7446210
Fucking do it bro.
>>7444870
Things that helped me:
>took a piano class at community college
(piano usually gives me an 'afterglow' and general sense of happiness, despite the uphill struggle; learning an instrument is, essentially, a string of small goals that build you up)
>took a creative writing class
(I'd recommend picking an artistic outlet and pursuing it (apart from music). When I'm feeling down, it's very cleansing to channel my negativity into the creation of something. It makes the whole 'exercise and eat healthy' meme look like a joke. Not saying exercise/diet aren't important, but writing is insanely potent at making me feel better)
>listen to music
(You already do this. Keep doing it. There's a reason you do.)
>read
(It's good for you. For the most part, it's the mental equivalent to eating healthily, excluding stuff like Twilight ofc.)
>meditate
( https://vimeo.com/131682712 )
>take long, hot showers
(The warmth emulates the warmth from a hug, as depressing as it may sound. Shower in the dark too. It's very calming and it's a great place to think.)
>go on Tinder and try to meet someone
(companionship is good)
>learn a new language at CC
(I haven't done this, but it's a good idea; headed to uni next semester and planning on taking German I)
>take anti-depressants until you get the ball—your life—rolling
>think about solutions to your problems
(Everyone is different. You know your life and yourself much better than anyone. Use that knowledge to form tailor-made advice for yourself. You'll naturally gravitate toward the mechanisms that help you most.
___________
I hope something from this list helps at least one person.
>>7447188
No OP but thanks for all of that. I'm curious as to why you want to learn German specifically?
>>7447188
>It makes the whole 'exercise and eat healthy' meme look like a joke
physical workout has been empirically proven to be an as effective treatment of standard depression as SSRI's and CBT
>>7445723
source on this picture?
>>7447334
you can make statistics say anything really, but you speak truth, it might not be the easiest thing in the world, as for most non-depressed people as well, but the knowledge that its _extremely_ effective may be enough for some, and it proves itself quickly and from there even easier, if you are incapable of doing anything at all, like going for a walk, besides click on your computer i wouldnt call it standard depression
>>7447334
>>7447412
also, it's now being prescribed by medical doctors as treatment, there are physical workout classes conducted by the hospitals medical staff and also personal trainers could be an option.
people who wouldnt like SSRI's or CBT may be glad to know theres an equally effective treatment even more easily accessible, dont have to cost shit even, if you are a hurling tornado of rage, do some fucking pushups, it will calm you the down good m8
>>7445088
weed and porn is the lifestyle equivalent of wearing pajamas out in public.
>>7447892
wow, that really actually hit me.
>>7447892
>tfw it happened to me anyway
>>7447892
>If you you smoke pot you might end up realizing you've lived your life being happy, rather than working to make me happy.
>>7447987
uh-huh.
>>7447934
this
get off the substances and do the plan you've outlined
>>7447892
>Despite warnings from your favourite cartoon you still fell for the weed is harmless meme
>>7444970
the more i read this one the more it makes sense, thanks.
>PhD in Art History
>worked in a big company for half year
>don't see myself fit in society
>drop everything
>work with daddy as antique dealer in Asia
>come back to Europe every month
>buy shit ton of books and more works of art
>spend the remaining weeks in the woods, growing veggies, birdwatching, and making my own illustrated books of species of birds I've came across
>come back in my little house by the woods every day by 5pm, spend the remaining time reading, and baking
>travel once every two months to a new place
I know I am lucky to have a rich family and I can pick up their business.
I've never been at peace with myself until I've taken this path.
Go to college my friend. Learn whatever you like. Learning is always a pleasure.
>>7449044
Oh what I would give to have your life. Please hire me as your mistress so that I could partake in a fraction of this fantasy you describe of?
>>7446903
Treat them with the utmost respect and they'll guide you to something unimaginably beautiful.
>>7444870
join the French Foreign Legion
>>7449092
Sorry, somebody has already taken the spot although that person is scared shitless of animals.
>>7447892
Some people don't get fulfillment from learning a new skill, discovering a new science or being creative. Chasing after these things might result in a life chasing happiness instead of achieving it.
If doing these things bring you happiness then surmount your sloth and do them, but don't feel some obligation by an external force for them.
The sooner you realize that everything is meaningless the better things will be. Literally everything in society is meaningless; your career, your education, your dreams, your hobbies, everything. We're all going to die soon. Don't get caught up thinking you've not 'accomplished' anything. Just do what makes you happy and die knowing you didn't waste your life worrying about meaningless things.
Good luck, anon!
