limericks
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You are currently reading a thread in /lit/ - Literature
You are currently reading a thread in /lit/ - Literature
funniest limericks
There once was a fellow from Gosham,
Who took out his bollocks to wash 'em.
His wife said 'Jack,
If you don't put 'em back,
I'll step on the fuckers and squash 'em.'
There once was a hermit named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in his cave.
"I know it's a sin,"
He said with a grin,
"But think of the money I save!"
There once was a whore named Ms. Randall
Who men, by the dozens, she handles.
"When I get this busy,
My cunt gets all jizzy,
And runs down my legs like wax candles."
There once was a woman from Cue
Who filled her vagina with glue.
She said with a grin,
"If they pay to get in,
They`ll pay to get out of it too."
>>7408491
when poetry had come to found
Sir Ezra Weston Loomis Pound,
and said, "a poet shall you be?"
and to that poetry did Pound say "是",
Now modern poetry is rather unsound.
>>7408551
wow that was terrible
>>7408491
Not a limerick, but:
Beneath the spreading Chestnut tree, the village idiot sat
Amusing himself by abusing himself,
And catching it all in his hat.
There once was a girl of Aberystwyth
Who brought grain to the mill to get grist with
The miller's son Jack
Laid her flat on her back
And united the organs they pissed with
There once wuz a big booty bitch
whose brother wuz a pussy-ass snitch
I bled that rat dry
watched the bitch cry
but dem blood n' tears lubed up her pitch
There once was a vampire named Mabel,
Whose period was notoriously stable,
So every full moon
She'd get out a spoon
And drink herself under the table
There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
Wiping jizz from his chin
"If my ear was a cunt I would fuck it"
There once was a man from Bel Air
Who was fucking his girl on the stairs
The bannister broke
So he doubled his stroke
And finished her off in midair
There was young a fellow named Crockett,
Who had an affair with a rocket.
If you saw them out there
You'd be tempted to stare,
But if you ain't tried it, don't knock it!
Google search for Gravity's Rainbow (rocket) limericks. You won't regret it.
Good night lads
After a duly arrested meal
My drunken ideas were quite left of field
I claimed myself sober
Though stumbling all over
Then threw up all over the Chesterfield
>>7409026
>>7408930
>>7408906
>And finished her off in midair
must try that tonight...in my dreams
There once was a man from China
Who thought he was a good climber
he slipped on a rock
split his cock
and now he has a vagina
>why are they all so l-lewd
>>7409396
fuck off with this britbong nonsense.
>>7409396
>rhyming climber with China and vagina
>fucking up the meter
come on man limericks are easy
>>7409422
-er and -a are pronounced the same in some accents
>>7408553
I think it's funny. even funnier is using enjambment in a limerick:
There once was a good old man,
Who had a nice big ol' senpai-
ily. They were mean
To his piece of meat
Between his good ol' flim flams.
>>7408491
There once was a piece of poop
That stuck to the poop-a-scoop
But then it got fame
Once God gave it a name:
Lovecraft wrote this poem, whoop-di-doop.
can you guys write a limerick CROWN?
meaning, a loop of poems where each limerick starts with the line of the previous, and the final one ends with the line of the first.
There once was a piece of poop
That stuck to the poop-a-scoop
But then it got fame
Once God gave it a name:
Lovecraft wrote this poem, whoop-di-doop.
Lovecraft wrote this poem, whoop-di-doop.
Give me some better lit'rary scoop!
Well for you I have news
From the publishing Jews:
Israel needs more of our 'merican troops.
Israel needs more of our 'merican troops:
How far can this sinful alliance loop?
I think I resign
To the thought of Dasein
If it means that Nazis the Jews will group.
If it means that Nazis the Jews will group,
I support this new Hitler-led coup;
He seems like a guy
With a tear in his eye
For the countries that did germany dupe.
For the countries that did germany dupe,
No longer for peace shalt thou snoop:
For there now is a man
Who tells us we can
Group white people by their blood group.
Group white people by their blood group,
Turn Europe to a multikulti-soup;
Tell I of Europe today?
Sure, let my story take way --
There once was a piece of poop
There once was a man from Peru
Who dreamed he was eating his shoe
He awoke with a fright
In the middle of the night
To find that his dream had come true
>>7409425
I'm Australian so yes
>>7409425
Also in Sudanese English 'vagina' is pronounced with an 'R' at the so it rhymes the other way.
>>7408551
"be" and "是" do not rhyme.
The closest pronunciation is closer to "sure" than "she".
>>7409445
Tipkek
Just made this up:
There once was a drunkard from Fife
Who spent the nights beating his wife
She fucked off and told dad
Who got rather mad
And ran the cunt through with a knife.
There was a tramp name o' Keith
Who lurked by a bus stop in Leith
He'd beat up old men
On the twenty-to-ten
And run off with their fake set of teeth
>>7409422
Wait, how do Americans say vagina? Vageena?
There once was a feller named Bobby
Who loved to touch up his body
But when he prayed to Christ
He said he'd pay the price
And now his dick looks like Nagasaki
There's a pretty bookshop
In the mall where I stop
of an evening to bask in the glow.
of keats and Jerome,
before toddling home
i might linger an hour or so
It's a pleasantish place
and they fill up the space
in the front with a smallish cafe
and sometimes, i confess,
if the hours do not press
i might hang about most of a day
I'm not on intimate terms,
with my fellow bookworms
and wont let myself tax them unduly
still perhaps its unkind,
but when they bring to mind
certain authors, i christin them newly
On a day I won't state
I'd stopped in for a plate
of biscuits and perhaps a small chai
when the svelte sillhouette
of a winsome Collette,
with a volume of Proust caught my eye
She'd been snagged by a stripling
not unlike a young kipling
who held her attention , and arm
I began to suspect
that the virtues of Hecht
werent the ones he pursued with his charm
then I chanced to glance round,
drawn perhaps by the sound,
of a Seneca, muttering in Greek
and I beheld not a few
folk arrayed two and two,
intermixed in amongst the more meek
A saturnine Poe,
with a pert Woolf in tow,
was pretending to parse Kierkigaard,
While a stately Ayn Rand,
With Anne Rice, hand in hand
was affecting amused disregard
an assertivre Camus
had assembled a crew,
of pale Kafkas, and one hapless Twain
In a booth by the door
where he regaled the floor
with contradictions implicit in Paine
till a black-clad Millay,
did a studied sashay
through his prospect,
and made the lad stammer,
and throw up his tirade,
as though she had laid
him across the forehead with a hammer
I had seen quite enough
of this singles-night stuff,
so I made deft repair to the stacks
where the used classics rest
side by side with the best
of the second hand trade paperbacks.
By a Disneyfied "Alice"
I picked out a "Valis"
and "Melmoth Reconciled" bound in calf.
to go home and unwind
with this fortunate find
was my thought, when I heard a quiet laugh
(1/2)
>>7414302
i beheld two thin chaps,
quite in each other's laps,
with expressions that brought to mind Wilde
clandestinely thumbing
a volume of cummings,
best works, with the joy of a child
I detoured through suspense
so to raise up a fence
of fiction betwixt me and them
When I got quite a shock
passing Iris Murdoch
and I felt myself out on a limb
There was Sandburg himself,
hair mussed up like an elf
out of Tolkien, chatting up Jane
Austen, she preened and laughed
while they spoke of Lovecraft,
but escape was what I wished to gain
the poetry section,
i thought, on reflection,
I'll certainly find respite there!
No! A Pince-nezzed Stout,
had his Longfellow out,
and was bending Le Guin crost a chair!
And a youthful Stendahl
had an Atwood asprawl
with her Brontes spread open before.
I spun round, so to flee,
but then what should I see,
but a shy little Oates by the door!
My tongue grew quite thick,
as she reached for my Dick,
and soon cradled my Balzac as well.
"Why such treasures your finding!
I've always thought binding
with leather was awfully swell!"
The whole thing turned out good,
when I quite understood,
and we afterwards went out a pair.
And we went to my den,
where we essayed Anais Nin
on the sofa bed next to the stair.
Now I'm straight home of nights
and I eschew the the lights
of the quiant little shop, without sigh.
for she's bought me a Nook,
and declared that a book
store's not for married men, such as I.
>>7411141
Vag (like bag)-EEE-nah
There once was a man from Beijing
who could never finish a thing
his rhymes would surely
end prematurely
There once was an author named Wallace
Whose endnotes were all but the tallest
He jumped off of a stack
of his tome paperback
His belt's role in the process was flawless
>>7412421
10/10
>>7414457
kek
RIP DFW
>>7414457
>There once was an author named Wallace
>Whose endnotes were all but the tallest
>He jumped off of a stack
>of his tome paperback
>His belt's role in the process was flawless
:) your a cheeki one
>>7414457
nutted
>>7409396
>>why are they all so l-lewd
being lewd is a component of a limerick.
>>7408551
Kill yourself
>>7409443
I appreciate the attempt, but that was a terrible, painful example.
There once was a fellow from Kent
Whose dick was so long that it bent
To save himself trouble
He bent his cock double
And so then in cumming he went
a witch, mean and bad, imprisoned poor dad
in a bottle of pop in the closet
we couldn't free dad
and were sad when we had
to return him for the nickel deposit
>>7408506
lal
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHnYFP73MKE
>>7416208
remember when yahtzee actually tried to be entertaining?
>>7414423
noice
>>7408491
there once was a faggot named slap
his dick was as long as a cat
before he pleasured himself he measured
and screwed his out ass with a splat
most people can't rhyme for shit
when they're asked to by someone on /lit/
OP promised humor
but gave me a tumor
fucking get out, you cancerous twit
>>7414457
jfc lmao
>>7408579
priceless, lol
>>7416249
Here's the (You) you wanted
There once was a racist white man
Who came up with a dastardly plan
I'll write them a poem
Yes, that'll show em
And I'll name my cat Niggerman!
There once was a man from Berlin
Who's mind's eye gazed within
Contemplating sublation
He made masturbation
The main intellectual scene
There once was a man from Dublin
Who's mind was ever so troubling
He talked to his Nora
About exploring her aura
Of farts that inside were bubbling
>>7416890
good
There once was a writer from Maine
Who saw city living a bane
Directed a picture
To make himself richer
And fuel his strong taste for cocaine
>>7416919
fuck yeah!
>>7416919
This machine called me an asshole!
One of my favorites
If you catch a chinchilla in Chile
And cut off its beard, willy-nilly
You can honestly say
That you have just made
A Chilean chinchilla's chin chilly
There once was a Russian who'd gotten
To Semipalatinsk, Baden-Baden,
And Sankt-Peterburg,
To purity urged,
And always found Moscow quite rotten.
>>7408491
There once was a man de la Sur,
Whose writing was short, sharp, and pure,
His intellect burning,
cold intellect spurning,
But full of Herz, kokoro, coeur.
