>Shadow had done three years in prison. He was big enough, and looked don’t-fuck-with-me enough that his biggest problem was killing time. So he kept himself in shape, and taught himself coin tricks, and thought a lot about how much he loved his wife.
>>7398562
, and?
>Shadow
Gets me every time.
>>7398562
Can someone critique this passage? I'm trying to see what's wrong with it but can't find anything really. To nitpick I personally disagree with the way he forced the first sentence to begin with shadow, the comma after big enough disrupts the flow, and something about beginning the third sentence with so is offputting. Doesn't change the fact I liked the book.
>>7398632
>, and taught himself coin tricks,
why the and?
>>7398650
Haha, wow, I actually hadn't noticed there was an and there. Had to reread to make sure you weren't messing with me. Sometimes it's annoying that my mind just edits whatever I'm reading while I'm reading it, I guess I'm reading too recklessly because I'll go back to books I've read and notice details like this that make the prose worse than how I remember.
>>7398659
can you cut down your vomit by 90%
>>7398659
actually rereading it though it throws the rhythm off for me if the and is missing there. But I'd prefer something like: So he kept himself in shape, taught himself some coin tricks, and thought a lot about how much he loved his wife.
I feel like that keeps the rhythm while also contrasting the values, some and a lot. Is that better or worse?
>>7398663
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
>>7398698
mm original
>>7398562
>i posted it again guys
>absolute madman
