>live in a very upper middle class environment
>consume like madmen in dat sanctified gated community
>mother and father ignore problems until on the verge of divorce
>alcoholic father with bad cardiovascular has a stroke
>mother put into the throes of alchoholism because she's now stuck with somebody she wants to leave as well as by an internal emptiness she doesn't have the know-how to fill.
>family assets and happiness slowly degrade
>continued "those who know but do not care" disposition
I really need a book that, in some way, explores the cause of vapidity and emptiness on a non-pejorative basis i.e "Wow look at how ungiving these plebz are. Lol Satire!!".
Or at least get to some deeper level of the consumption of the prototypical middle/upper middle class on the personal level, and have something i can identifydisposWwith what you can assume from the aforementioned). If that doesn't exist then I'll just make it, but I really need a book to not feel alone with this, and I doubt I am.
Inb4 Too much info, or /r9k/
My phone fucked up one part.
Should be: or something i can identify with (with what you can assume from the aforementioned)
>>7395648
You should try putting your thoughts down on the page and doing some constructive self-expression unless you want to end up as the /lit/ version of Elliot Rodgers to be honest family.
>>7395655
Been writing small vignettes and shitty T.S Eliot wannabe poetry since junior year of highschool and in the past 2 years I've dedicated to more long form. It does really help with getting the the heart of the personal, but also external issues, in a non-edgelord way. No worries, I may plan on ol' suicide if things never get better, but I don't ever want to hurt anybody or externalize in the way that kid did.
All i want is a book about familial polarization that isn't an angsty manifesto on "nobody understanding" or "my daddy never loved me" cliches, but an actual plain-face take on something like "I do not have a vestige of belonging in my family."
or anything about family that isn't Karamzov
Alll this ust so that i can fuel my non-objective and irrational feelings for a little and also not feel 100% alone.
>>7395687
Infinite Jest.
Not even fucking memeing you.
Upper middle class disfunctional family. Alcoholism. Not feeling like you belong.
Etc.
>>7395781
Play more tennis.
>>7395793
I just might.
Only sport I've ever wanted to play.
>>7395793
Lol, I had ssons in tennis for years before high-school, and did fencing before that, which was honestly just a frenchman putting the club through pain trials. Maybe I'm jusr a physical IJ meme.
I haven't read it yet (I read pale king first a really arbitrary reason), but I'll check it out. Thanks anon(s?). Maybe this is the right time for me to look at it.
>>7395687
Well your lit family is always here to just listen. I'd love to see your smaller works to gauge your potential and also maybe give me a reason to talk you out of committing an hero.
>>7395817
I feel like in this context any critique would be pretty tainted, and that weirdly makes me happy because you would probably be a person that would say nice things because you care aboutstrangers.
And also thank you for your words li'l number ghost. I'm making a picture of you in my head of what I'd think to be a very warm person that would probably be emanating some feeling of "genuine" if I saw them in real life, and who smiles very real smiles. But sometimes suicide can just be a pebble little lonelys play with, and I'm sorry if I mentioned it with possibility or seriousness (or mentioned it at all without those two). Lit is what really keeps me from the shoals and I don't think my love for it will break down any time soon (it's gone through a lot of STEM concessions and questions of faith). So don't worry about this, intrepid anon
Looking back on this and it looks like its direct from Tumblr, but that's okay because it's 3:00 here and I'm feeling ~sincere~ and nobody else will see it.
>>7395793
>My friend and I start reading IJ
>One day he tells me we should start playing tennis
>I've wanted to play tennis for a while so why not
>After a while start beating him pretty badly at tennis
>We no longer play tennis
Terribly sad and banal etc etc.
Excuse all the typos, by the way. I cut and paste these from one note (badly optimized) to the Clover (badly optimized) and they cut out and garble sections of words when I try to highlight them.
>>7395854
I can be objective in critique especially considering I have no identifiers by which I can build a relationship with any given anon.
I'm probably about as warm as an annual prostate exam. I can act "genuine" and although I fake a lot of smiling to mask my own personal pains sometimes I do crack a joyful grin and embrace bits of happiness. Lit also keeps me going lately since I've merged myself into the subculture even further. I worry about everything insignificant or otherwise.
>>7395857
Was there an inequity on practice?
I feel like, at some level, there's a predisposition for tennis.
Also playing 1 v 1 sports with someone and not developing the "I'm beating you, here's some advice" skill dichotomy is really hard.
A good sport partner is like a really nice girlfriend.
>>7395865
Well welcome to the subculture :). I hope you start feeling and engaging more as you get deeper into the subcultre (like a very warm annual prostate exam)
As to the story: I'm writing about an architect trying to recreate a feeling of emptiness in structure. Also I'm trying to underpin it with good ol' religion, linguistics, and aesthetic theory while not being too brunt or heavy handed about it (those are really just things that have directed the outcomes of scenes and actually feel most relevant to the subject)
If this thread is up tomorrow morning I'll put a few paragraphs into a pastebin and give the general direction of the story for you to look at, and (please) be harsh/brutal about.
>>7395648
Read Infinite Jest, and like the other guy said we're not memeing.
>>7395881
I'll check back whenever I wake up. I'm staying up later than usual compared to my normal schedule so I have no idea when that is.
The premise seems sound so I'm intrigued to say the least.
Hey OP, I'm in the same exact situation as you except with antidepressants instead of alcohol. Keep going man, I know what you're going through.
>>7395869
Was there an inequity with practice? No.
Was there an inequity with how much tennis I was watching compared to him? Yes. In fact, I only watched as much tennis as I did because he was beating me pretty badly in the beginning.
I agree with you on the whole "I'm beating you, here's some advice" bit. However, I don't want him to beat me anymore, so I don't give him any advice. I figured his game out on my own, without much input from him. I expect him to do the same.
I'm a cruel person.
>>7395854
http://pastebin.com/6DHspEvL
Basically the character undergoes an "Odd Conversion" (name of the story) in a Christian Glossolalia.
Basically what I'm trying to derive here with the story is that the underpinnings of art are very similar to the underpinnings of faith in the sense that they both hint at something pre-linguistic, or an experience which we will never have words for.
"basically" didn't notice that
>>7395648
This is a really interesting topic, because it is itself a struggle made by those within it (the same capacity for fear is felt by the guy who doesn't want to get run over by a hippo in 50,000 BC going outside to take a piss in the middle of the night as the middle class teen with 'angst'). I can't say what you're looking for doesn't exist, because I haven't really looked -- having grown up in the same kind of environment I felt a strong connection to Wallace's kenyon speech (youtube), as well as some of his writing. I also came to like a lot of cognitive behavioral therapy, but mostly just old philosophy like meditations.
>>7396547
Getting a late start today but hopefully since I just ate I'll be feeling up to digesting some nice literary works by anon shortly!
>>7395648
The first thing which comes to mind :
https://ebooks.adelaide.edu.au/s/schopenhauer/arthur/wisdom/complete.html#chapter2
>>7395648
Have you read Kierkegaard, (or just about his works)
His theory about life stages could perhaps interest you.
>>7395648
Wodehouse
>>7397822
I've read a little on the Knight of faith, infinite resignation, etc. I'm currently making a sort of ~return to faith~ and him and ol' Aquin' are on my backlogs. Any place you recommend starting out that I might enjoy particularly?
>>7396970
I'm happy that made you think of schoppy. I'll be reading that chapter tonight when I get home.
