ITT: your worst book ideas
>>describes book from lit canon
Lulz ensured!
>>7830261
Secret agent goes to a hotel to find a person with secret documents holding government secrets. He has to go through all the different leads as he searches different rooms interrogates people talks to informants and fellow agents and engages in intense espionage action. The first chapter opens with him poisoning an old woman's soup. From there it gets more intricate as we realize that his motives might not be so noble. The major sub plot in the novel revolves around him chasing his rival/arch nemesis who works for another organization. About halfway through the book a showdown occurs on the roof that flips the tables and it's a big twist because now we know that both sides have double agents in their midst and a lot of the information being exchanged is completely bogus. But this is obvious to anyone reading closely.
All my ideas are my worst.
All the books I actually wrote:
A novella adaptation of a series of dreams I had about a interdimensional travelling scythian enaree.
A shitty autobiography-ish thing.
A novella about a complete idiot whose lover is shot by police who subsequently falls in and then out with an anarchist club before stumbling into a plot involving a stolen AI.
Books I haven't written:
Immortal people living in a VR environment and the bizarre practices and culture they've developed from having so much free time. Side plot about the flesh and blood people who make it possible and the outside world's socioeconomics and stuff.
Some british guy and a dystopia... something about a mega-tsunami? I don't really remember.
Book of Dragons: A collection of short stories from the perspectives of famous mythological dragons, focusing on themes of alienation, the dubious value of inner strength without community or companionship, violence, and free choice and conditioning.
A book about a man who is retarded and every day goes to the casino to do slots.
One day he wins, and all of his old friends come back and eat away at all his money and he ends back up in the same place.
All the time because of his mental state he does not realize it.
I wrote a short story today about a vampire in the eighties who's scared of getting AIDS
A katana wielding swordsman who never gets to use his sword
Retelling an old hellenic epic through the banality of my boring home city
>>7830642
That last one with the dragons sounds good anon, you should write it.I'd read it.
>>7830657
That sounds pretty cool if it's handled correctly, but aren't vampires immortal? What would aids do? Also maybe too similar to The Gilda Stories.
>>7830642
>Book of Dragons: A collection of short stories from the perspectives of famous mythological dragons, focusing on themes of alienation, the dubious value of inner strength without community or companionship, violence, and free choice and conditioning.
As another anon said, this sounds dope. I'd read it as well.
>>7830878
here's your (you)
Hitler tells Mussolini he will be arriving for a party in one day time, but Mussolini isn't ready. Hilarity ensures as Mussolini tries to get things prepared.
>>7830261
A book about a man named Shadow, he is sent to another world and becomes a hero along with his harem of anime girls.
What about a long poem in which each stanza, itself mostly independent from the rest, corresponds to a frame of the Zapruder film, in which themes of postmodern paranoia and mortality-anxiety are tied in with traditional visions of catastrophe and Apocalypse?
>>7830607
might make a good/okay movie
A story written from the perspective of a man's shadow.
Imagine something like pic related as the protag, growing up and never getting past that first existential crisis and joins the military. Falls in love with someone who is deeply spiritual in a life affirming way and has to kill them later due to shifting alliances years later. Protag experiences sorrow and self actualization, after the self actualization becomes completely comfortable with the idea of death.
Idea from when I was 14: comedy horror trilogy about vampires controlling the Illuminati.
>ITT people give their real book ideas in an attempt to fish for compliments
>>7831083
This sounds good, f.a.m.
>>7831083
I want to read this, see to it.
A book about a short war with the Soviets in 1990, China invades the West Coast of the United States, Russia goes across the Bering Sea. US loses ground all the way to the Mississippi River. The US then nukes both China and Russia. In a surprising act of kindness or a total mistake Neither China or Russia fire back. Having been totally destroyed Soviet forces go into full retreat, leaving some ground forces behind as well as equipment abandoned.
This is where the book starts. The US no longer has control of any land last the Mississippi River. It's pretty much lawless. Scavengers and Junkers collect things like car parts and abandoned Soviet weapons to sell back to the East and other parts of the world.
Our protagonist are young men who diserted the US military (and one Russian or Cuban) who are in search of a fabled mansion abandoned by a famous rapper in California that has an underground vault full of gold, the trouble is that between the East and Beverly Hills, there's a bunch of people who want to rob them. And other trials they must face.
The characters are idiot Gulf War era kids all Marines save for the Russian/Cuban, they steal a Jeep and have most of the weapons they stole from the military when they left, they spent most of their money on drugs however before hitting the road. Hilarity ensues.
>>7831083
I like it
>>7831373
>neither China nor Russia fire back
ruined my suspension of disbelief
>>7831409
Whataya mean? Can you translate into dumb guy?
>>7830261
Transdimensional Vampire cult in Space.
A farmer and his dog are visited by dancing lights in the sky one night. The farmer makes little of it and heads off to bed. In the middle of his sleep, he is abducted by aliens! What a fucking shock! The aliens mess around with him and it's told through a strange pseudo-first-para-third person perspective and everything is described in excruciating detail.
At the end the aliens return the farmer to Earth and he learns a valuable lesson: don't think that a small little detail out of place ever means nothing could possibly go wrong. Anything can go wrong. And a lot can go right if you keep that in mind.The most embarrassing part about it is that I had this on my list of books I want to write.
Man raises a magic mule that he rides and it can fly.
Group of fat people go around killing people using food as murder weapons (salami strangling, etc.)
Kid drowns in ocean and wakes up to discover an underwater world. Makes friends with sea creatures. This is heaven for him.
Man in heaven is appointed to collect a team of dead historical figures to go on a quest so he can return to life and be with his kids.
Group of underlings all plan separate plots to kill their despotic but stupid king. Hilarity ensues when the king just won't die.
Indian fisherman accidentally drifts out to sea and washes ashore at Sentinel Island, a real island without previous outside human contact. Story recalls his struggle to integrate in a completely alien society.
Guy dies and goes to afterlife, indulges in hedonistic lifestyle, which he strove for on Earth, for undetermined but long period of time. Comes to find that this life isn't satisfying, but can't escape. Turns out what he thought was heaven is actually hell, doomed to perpetual hedonism forever.
A story about the banality of life.
9/11 happens again this time in Chicago. Only one man can stop the terrorists... and he's on the other side of the world.
Gay niggers from outer space
>>7830813
this sounds like a DnD joke, not a book idea
>>7831127
amazing
>>7831439
woat
A boy falls in love with a girl.
Unable to confess, he is gifted with by a deus ex machina with the girl's phone number. Never minding the strange area code, he immediately calls her, and is overjoyed to find out that she has a crush on him as well.
But, the next day, when he recounts the previous day's confessions to the girl, she only looks at him with a perplexed expression. After some investigation, he finds out that the girl he called is not the same girl he fell in love with. In fact, she doesn't exist in this universe at all. She is the girl's alternate universe counterpart, who has fallen in love with the MC's own AU self, who too is blissfully unaware of her crush.
Hijinks ensue as the two strike up a deal to give each other their darkest, most private secrets in order to equip the other with the weapons they need to conquer the heart of their other selves. While the two chase their respective loved ones, DRAMA ensues as they begin to fall in love with each other instead and question the NATURE of LOVE
>>7831460
just make an anime
>>7831460
Did you post this to a thread in /tv/ about plot twists?
>>7831178
Okay, but that is just The Boss's story. What would make it different?
I can never manage to convince myself that any idea I have is good enough to write 200 pages on, so I always run out of steam.
The furthest I got was a picaresque detective story similar to A Confederacy of Dunces. I managed to get a few pages out of that before it fizzled. That book gave me hope because it, even though it was great, it was not perfect in any way, and I could see the writers hand in it very clearly.
>>7831433
Could work as a short story if handled right
>>7830657
Would make a decent comedy if it was written when AIDS was more of a public concern
>>7831484
Seeing the actual arc as opposed to having it be implied, it'd be more like Falling Out of Time and less like MGS3
I wrote a play about Caravaggio. The dialogue was warmed over Scorsesee guido thugs from Raging Bull or Goodfellas. People hated it and accused me of homophobia and being a ripoff artist.
>>7831435
The hedonism one is already an episode of the twilight zone you muppet
my autobiography
>>7830813
Katanagatari
It's a sci fi book about a race car driver who's banging a hologram, and some evil corporation is trying to kill him.
A group of vampires break into a blood bank, but it turns out to be a sperm bank. Hilarity ensues.
A fantasy land is ruled by a dragon. He terrorizes the country side and demands huge tribute payments from cities so a group of adventurers go on a quest to slay him, but when they get to the lair they find out that the dragon was actually a democratically elected president but nobody had ever ran against him for the office. The adventurers no longer feel that it would be right to kill him, so the leader runs against the dragon in the next election, loses, and returns home.
A novel written half in Spanish and half in English, following a man with split personalities thanks to the offline/online dichotomy. Chapters would be in Greek, and the MC would be called Baco and Phoebus.
>>7830642
>A collection of short stories from the perspectives of famous mythological dragons, focusing on themes of alienation, the dubious value of inner strength without community or companionship, violence, and free choice and conditioning.
That actually sounds interesting.
>>7830261
It's a novel called the candidate. It's split 60-30 between stream of conciseness sections from the perspective of a populist presidential candidate, and the other 30 percent is a variety of different writing styles designed to convey the public perception of the candidate.
Scientist dies and gets sent to heaven. Hated God, so he went to get back to life and fix his life. Makes Supernatural Avengers (fuck me, right?). Goes on adventures through different dimensions like it's some sort of fucking series. Anyway, it ends with him trying to kill God, and then goes full-on Lucifer mode. To be fair, it was written when I was a retarded atheist reddit pleb.
A group of rebels fights for freedom in a dystopian society.
Over the course of the book some hints are dropped that the rebels aren't as heroic as first expected and at the end it becomes pretty clear that the rebels are nothing more that paranoid terrorists and that the entire story is told from their distorted point of view.
>>7832169
I can see that working as a short story.
In the future, society sleeps in perpetual hedonistic fantasy, tended to by machines. A man is forcefully awoken by emergency procedure, and tasked with stopping someone that has been tampering with equipment and murdering people while they sleep.
A secret agent enters a secret city buried under the pyramids of giza from a public toilet in vienna. There he meets a reptilian who baths in a liquid computer and they become friends over a cigar.
It's my hobby to write shitty novels. I've already written eight of them. They have next to zero story and mostly consist of very long-winded descriptions of the characters and settings. Plus they are written in Hebrew, a language I'm not even fluent in.
>>7832266
I also write fictional autobiographies from the perspective of historical persons, mostly out of the 17th century, who really existed but nobody cares about. So far I've written four of those.
It's a novel taking place in an alt universe where David Foster Wallace (AKA DFW) is still alive
>>7832283
any in english? this is my jam.
>>7830642
You never know it's a bad idea for sure until you execute it.
Really odd ideas can make excellent books, all about the execution. As others have said, that last one with the dragon is a pretty cool idea actually.
>>7831496
Perhaps you should try some short stories. Or just force yourself to finish something, even if it is absolute crap. Unless you publish it, nobody is judging and it's good practice.
Lord Byron survives the Battle of Missolinghi and is crowned King of Greece. He falls for a little brown greek girl, and is utterly incompetent at foreign & domestic policy. He tries to adopt a platonic system of government and is killed in the streets by a mob.
Told by his slightly bemused and constantly lusted after page.
A fantasy ish story in which the main character is taken prisoner and experimented on with mind control. Like MKULTRA almost.
An unstable psychiatrist delivers bizarre, violent and sexual advice to his patients to cure their innocuous problems. His cures work and he becomes hugely popular and influential before committing suicide live on television. It is discovered that he predicted almost exactly the public and social media reaction to his death. His legacy lives on through a cult of followers who believe in his maxim that "ultraviolence is all that can maintain sanity".
A story about the greatest human being of all time, the best at everything imaginable, can quickly learn what he didn't know before, and one of the richest and most beautiful men on the planet. He's called upon by countless world governments, private organizations, communities, individuals, to get his advice or help based on what they've heard, word of mouth, the legend and myth surrounding him, only to find that he's always varying shades of drunk and his natural godly talent only shines through very rarely, often at the worst times. Otherwise, he blunders through international crises and accidentally saves the world time and time again despite being fucking plastered 24/7. There would be some sort of overarching plot
>>7833991
Turn this into a neo-noir animated series and I'd watch it.
Book idea: THIS FRIDAY I WOKE UP AT 2PM
started drinking alcohol at 3pm
at 11pm i went to a party wearing the same clothes i wore on thursday
at 12:30am the guy i lost my virginity to told me he is having a baby
at 1:30am i ate drugs in the bathroom without telling anyone
i don't know how to maintain relationships
most of the people i've had sex with have negative feelings about me now
starving to death during sex is something i would like to do this week
every time i look at my computer
i fight the urge to open a word document and list everything i ate that day
here is what i ate today:
coffee, curry vegetable thing from whole foods, plum
i am most comfortable around people who criticize me because
i feel like anyone who isn't constantly criticizing me is lying
or expecting me to be something different
seems insane that you need money to do things like
develop a drug addiction, or move across the country
i don't identify as 'depressed' even though i feel depressed
seems unfair that i only get to feel a finite amount of things in my life
lately i have been assuming that dried fruit has more calories than regular fruit
i feel like 400 dead jellyfish in the middle of a freeway
Should be a good one.
Nietzsche dies and goes to Limbo where he is put on trial by a court of Jesus, Satan, Plato and Socrates. He is led up to the procession by Schopenhauer and Wagner, in fetters.
He is put on trial for subverting his fate by consciously retreating into madness in the last decade of his life. He was meant to create new values to invigorate humanity, but instead only finished the first half of his work, he only deconstructed and provided more weapons of deconstruction. He denies it, claims it was syphilis and is censured for lying to the court. He is shown images of what his dereliction of duty resulted in, the holocaust, stalinism, capitalism, mass faggotry and ultimately the death of the human race in a third world war.
He accuses Plato of causing damage as well, leading men astray to the metaphysical. Plato rebukes him, he says a constructive lie is better than a destructive truth. He says that surely Christ has been taken out of context worse than he, Christ rebukes him and says that Nietzsche was sent to set the record straight. He appeals finally to Satan himself, who said that surely the forbidden fruit caused more strife, was indeed the root of all strife. Satan rebukes him, saying that Nietzsche knew strife was necessary, but Nietzsche's strife was something else, it had destroyed everything.
He is sentenced to right his wrong, he is then sent on a time travelling journey to find his truth and become the revaluator he was destined to be. He faces trial by fire and is sent as the ubermensch to do battle with the Nazis, Stalin, Focault and an army of gay child molesters, Angela Merkel and her refugee Jihad and finally Donald Trump himself. Donald Trump's America of course invents power armor and becomes a capitalist dystopia where he reigns eternally as an immortal god of capitalism, with tubes and shit all over his massive golden armor keeping him alive forever.
When he returns to limbo, he says he is like a bee heavy with honey and that he must descend from the heights to share it. He returns to his apartment in Turin and sets about finishing his work.
>>7831442
>9/11 happens again this time in Chicago. Only one man can stop the terrorists... and he's on the other side of the world.
...Tom Clancy, Is that you?
We all thought you were dead.
I one time considered writing a short story revolving around an alienated and paranoid man, whom one day in his apartment, feeling hungry, decides to eat his dog.
>>7831435
>Group of underlings all plan separate plots to kill their despotic but stupid king. Hilarity ensues when the king just won't die.
this sounds great dude
>Indian fisherman accidentally drifts out to sea and washes ashore at Sentinel Island, a real island without previous outside human contact. Story recalls his struggle to integrate in a completely alien society.
This sounds great too.This wouldn't happen to be the evolution of this would it:
>Simpleton puerto-rican (?) fisherman falls asleep on boat to find that he has been taken to tokyo(?), and he adjusts to such a technologically different society through various episodes (Some anon called it quixotic)
>woman gives birth to baby with completely hairy face
>husband accuses woman of cheating on him with Bigfoot
>woman says that Bigfoot isn't real
>husband says oh yeah well I'm gonna prove that he is
>husband goes on journey to find Bigfoot
>searches forests for 7 years and finally finds Bigfoot
>Bigfoot is civilized and has a family of his own
>husband confronts Bigfoot
>Bigfoot admits to sleeping with his wife
>husband whips out machete and decapitates Bigfoot
>takes the head to his wife and says "remember this guy?"
>wife says oh my god how could you
>whips out machete and decapitates wife
>goes to the now 7 year old half Bigfoot boy's room
>holds up the heads of his mother and father
>drops heads on floor and walks slowly towards son
>takes out machete and decapitates him
>preserves heads
>sells them to a freakshow museum
>unexpected events transpire
>it was actually all a dream
>>7830261
>Lama deconstructs the universe in his head after years of meditation
>"enlightenment"
>contacted by aliens in his head
>congratulate him
>tell him they're putting mental blocks on his consciousness and leaving him in a permanent sedated state so that he can never communicate his discovery with anyone else
>realizes he's been lobotomized but can't warn his pupils
>can only manage to tell them that they should keep their minds empty
>mfw
It seemed like such a great idea when I was still half asleep
>>7830261
I'm going to write a book about getting started with Microsoft Word
I'm pretty sure nobody has ever thought of doing that before
>>7831420
In the event that the US where to fire their nukes, the USSR and china would respond in kind, there would be no mistake, and their would be no kindness.
>>7832447
Not yet. If you're really interested, I could write my next one in English.
>>7832891
WouldRead/10
Byron better be comically homo.
>>7831139
would make a great game.
>>7831373
>abandoned by a famous rapper in California
dropped.
>>7831083
>Hitlarity
>>7834055
this but make it a video game/musical
