line 32. "firs"
line 83. "that which teenagers are want to do."

those are the blatant errors that I caught... there could be more

some of the dialogue is a little clunky, a little forced and unnatural. like when the texan says "...faster than an african at a klan meeting". it would be good, i think, to just leave it as "shitting missles" which was funny.

also, halfway through their conversation, the main character realizes he's got about an hour before his flight, then in what would take about 2 minutes, realizes his flight is about to board? the timing is a little... unatural... not sure if that's the best way to put it

it's a bit rough but totally not un-readable... i actually really like where this is heading. it could use some editing, sure, but really what book/piece by an author in infancy doesn't

im REALLY interested in reading the rest actually... can you e-mail me the whole thing maybe? i'll read it over and give you more feedback if you'd like

Change that cover, looks way too played out.
I can make you one for free if you are interested since I'm bored

Don't publish, even self publish, a work you have just finished. You need space from it. You have spent so long inspecting its minute details that you can't see the whole properly. If you give it a month and reread it you will see so many glaring problems that you can't see now.

>>7828957
sure man definitely im loading it up to drop box right now

File: galvantula.jpg (13 KB, 300x229) Image search: [Google]

13 KB, 300x229

https://www.dropbox.com/s/igib30kjwysk1d8/TOKYO%20INTERNATIONAL%20AIRPORT.doc?dl=0

here is the whole book, about 100 pages in Microsoft office

email me at [email protected]

>>7828890
it isn't bad but the texan is pretty cliche and he infodumps too much

>>7828989
couldn't agree more

>>7829011
>email me at [email protected]
i hope that's a throw-away e-mail, anon.

I only read first bit of this

You describe color far too much. And it seems not even in an interesting of meaningful way. It feels almost that there will be some revelation later with color.

Ofc I didn't read much past the first few paragraphs, but is that forced color aspect intentional?

>>7828890
>it had a bunch of errors and stuff
fuck him, a book is more solid if i see some errors. i want the author, not the editor

>>7828890
not gonna read it all, too drunk, but i like a book heavy on dialogue. but you still need some thats not, create a world. otherwise just write a fucking screenplay

>>7829735
>fuck him, a book is more solid if i see some errors. i want the author, not the editor
There is no reason the author can't correct errors.
I think you probably mean that editing the personality out of something is a bad thing, but to say a book is more solid if you see errors is just strange.

>>7828890
>Johnny Vincent grabs his wrinkled, dark-blue suit jacket from the seat next to him.
>comma between interchangeable adjectives
>dark-blue hyphenated because it's acting as a modifier

>and it's brand spelled out in bold, green, Japanese kanji.
>it is brand spelled out in bold, green, Japanese kanji.

>Al Jazeria
>Is this intentional?

>Johnny didn't care about his own country's news, why the hell would he care about another's.
>What comes at the end of a question?

I grow bored of this OP. Your friend is right.

>>7829178

gonna have to agree here.

my parents are both from Texas... most people aren't don't have an absolutely exaggerated personality, especially not those that I'm to believe have engineering abilities enough to have international defense contracts

>>7828890
not the first time you post this here, is it

either that or someone else it was who used the same title and cover and couldn't proofread any