This is my introduction paragraph. If it sounds like shit its because im an 18 year old junior that's never written anything in my life, and I am also too retarded to be good with words.
If I was asked to make a list of things that make me happy, it would be near endless. To name a few enjoyable things I experience daily would include, taking a warm shower in the morning, putting on some refreshing clean clothes, feeling the sun and the wind on the way to the bus,looking forward to lunch, hearing the last bell ring, and finally jumping into bed as soon as I get home. But sometimes I'll take these things for granted, I become desensitized to the gigantic list of miniscule things that usually make me happy. After that, I lose the effort to continue my usual daily routine, life will start to seem repetitive and mundane. Feeling like life is monotonous is dreadful. When I each day is the same I have alot of time to overthink things, I’ll start to feel insecure, depressed, hopeless, anxious and paranoid.In order to keep myself happy I need to have some variation in each day. To combat this, I try to break my comfort zone and find something else to distract me. Something as small as shovelling the driveway can help clear my mind just a little. So the broader answer to what makes me happy, would have to be diversions and change.
If I was asked to make a list of things that make me happy it would be near endless. Naming a few enjoyable things I experience daily would include: taking a warm shower in the morning, putting on some refreshing clean clothes, feeling the sun and the wind on the way to the bus, looking forward to lunch, hearing the last bell ring, and finally jumping into bed as soon as I get home. Yet Sometimes I'll take these things for granted, I become desensitized to the gigantic list of minuscule things that usually make me happy. I lose would the effort to continue my usual daily routine and life will start to seem repetitive and mundane. Feeling life is monotonous is dreadful. When each day is the same I have a lot of time to overthink things, I’ll start to feel insecure, depressed, hopeless, anxious and paranoid. In order to keep myself happy I need to have some variation everyday day; to combat this I try to break my comfort zone and find something else to distract me, something as small as shoveling the driveway can help clear my mind. So the broader answer to what makes me happy would have to be diversions and change.
I have made it a bit more bearable without changing too much
>>7739821
thanks man, you're the best. Thats way more help than I expected.
>>7739821
Any thoughts on the content of it?
>>7739851
It's not what I would write about because that is not what I define as happiness but this is not my say since it's not my essay
>>7739869
can you describe your views on happiness really quickly?
>>7739873
Well I'll tell you what I wouldn't do
You are defining it as an opposition because you are not sure. The negation of these things you don't like becomes happiness, a negative definition is a weak one
For me happiness is no matter how temporal is something concrete by its own right, be it the realization of irony or the discovery of something pure
>>7739881
You seem like you thought it out better than i did, you're very well spoken and intelligent
>>7739895
Uh not really. As long as you can support everything you've said you can make an essay out of it. They judge you on your ability to explain yourself not your view of the world
your writing is bad and you should feel bad
>>7739821
I don't mean to be rude, but I don't think this is much better aside from fixing some simple grammar issues.
>>7739775
Your intro paragraph really shouldn't be nearly that long. The intro should just state your thesis (main idea), briefly mention your main supporting details (the things you plan to talk about in the body paragraphs to support your thesis), and include maybe another sentence or two if you want to introduce your reader to your thesis. That's it. The bulk of that paragraph is superfluous and distracts from what you are actually supposed to be writing about. You also get redundant in places (e.g. "diversity and change"). You want to be as succinct as possible. Try something like:
If I had to make a list of things that make me happy it would be nearly endless. However, I would have to say I am happiest when there are variations in my daily routine. I thoroughly enjoy escaping the mundane activities of everyday life. Something as simple as shoveling the driveway is enough to bring me joy by breaking up the monotony and getting me out of my comfort zone.
You can maybe find ways to bring up the other things like your feelings of anxiety, depression, etc. and desensitization to other little things that usually make you happy either throughout the body paragraphs, or they might be good details for your conclusion, but they make your intro drag on far too long. Even my own version is a little longer than I usually like for something like this.
>>7739881
ill go on and talk about the specifics, in my body paragraph. I wasnt attempting to explain happiness or what makes me happy in the introduction.
>>7739906
That makes sense, it gives me something to talk about later in the essay too. I was focusing too much on summarizing and concluding in my introduction.
>>7739914
Yeah, this tends to be a common issue, so don't feel bad. The writing itself really is not that bad, either.
If you want to keep posting your work as you go, I'd be happy to offer more advice. I actually teach high school English, classes ranging from honors to remedial levels and a lot of what I do is get students to pass the state standardized test for writing. People on this board ten to respond negatively to threads like yours that ask for help with classwork, but I enjoy it. I probably won't be up for more than an hour and a half or so, but I can check back tomorrow, too if that'll help.
>>7739938
Dont worry about it if it's an inconvenience. Sorry for making you cringe with my punctuation and grmmar. ill post an update after im done with a body paragraph.
