hey /lit/ i used to write random shit for people on fiverr and one of my first requests was sonic the hedgehog/metal gear solid fanfiction. here's what i wrote, thought you might get a kick out of it
“You know, they used to call this the playground of the world.”
Sonic finishes a chili dog and throws his excess napkins into the trash. “Looks like a junkyard to me.”
Sonic’s observation may be cynical, but it’s true. Years of neglect have left many of the attractions covered in burgundy rust. Garbage is strewn across the streets and many buildings have expletives spray-painted on them. After the Patriots were destroyed, the economy plummeted, and it’s only now starting to stabilize. Coney Island was a casualty in the fallout of the Patriots; once an iconic amusement park, it now only serves as a sobering reminder of our own excess and mortality.
“Alright,” says Snake, “let’s find those papers.”
Their mission is simple: locate the blueprint to the newest Metal Gear – ominously referred to as ‘X’. Sonic and Snake received a tip from an anonymous source that there’s a group of terrorists working on X in an underground lair in Coney Island. It seemed ridiculous at the time – until they received coordinates, a master key, and photos of the base’s interior.
“It should be just over here, Sonic.”
“I don’t really see anything…”
Snake pushes aside a mossy boulder to reveal a hole in the ground with a large ladder.
“Jackpot,” Snake grins.
As the two climb down the ladder, they hear voices coming from below.
“Stop climbing!” Snake whispers in a harsh tone.
Snake spots the shadow of two guards below.
“Man, you haven’t lived until you try poutine,” one of the soldiers says with a weird sense of enthusiasm. “None of that fast food shit. I’m talking like piping hot, creamy poutine.”
“It just sounds like too much… I mean, I like french fries and I like gravy, but combining the two doesn’t sit well with me.”
“This may take a while,” Snake whispers to Sonic.
“Leave it to me,” Sonic replies with a grin.
“You must be crazy, Sonic! How are you going to handl—?”
Before Snake could finish his sentence Sonic jumps down and uses his homing attack to knock out the two guards so fast they couldn’t even yell.
“It’s clear!” yells Sonic. “Help me hide the bodies.”
Snake comes down and helps Sonic push the bodies into a locker. “So where do we go from here?”
“The photos we received don’t show the room with X in it, so we’ll have to split up. You remember my codec number right? 148.8. Try not to get caught.”
Sonic departs to the eastern wing of the lab while Snake goes to the west. The air is chilled among the chrome flooring and the sterile smell of hand sanitizer is strong. Snake swiftly passes guards and security cameras while Sonic dashes so fast guards don’t even see him.
1/2
“Sweet mother of God…”
Snake arrives at his destination, but what he witnesses is no Metal Gear… it’s a grotesque bioweapon chained to the ground. It produces high-pitched screaming noises and tries desperately to escape by flailing its gnarled talons. Snake finds cover behind a wall and calls Sonic on his codec.
“Sonic, it’s Snake. I found X, but it’s entirely different from what I expected. I’m going to need your help on this one.”
Sonic arrives carrying two P90s he looted off the guards. “Kept you waiting, huh?”
Snake grins. “That’s my line.”
“There’s no use in hiding,” a mysterious voice calls out. “Show yourself, Snake.”
Snake and Sonic ready their P90s and slowly leave their cover.
“Ocelot!?”
“Ha, I see you brought a friend! Misery loves company, huh?”
“Ocelot, what the hell is that thing?”
“Fuck this,” says Sonic, as he began spraying bullets at Ocelot.
Suddenly, X emits a deafening roar and uses its talons to block the bullets.
“Hahaha, won’t even let me talk, huh? Don’t worry, I’ll be quick. You see, I’ve captured scientists from around the world to work on a new Metal Gear based off RAY, but one of the researchers found an anomaly in the space-time continuum. We examined this rift extensively and came to the conclusion that it led to Hell. That’s right, Hell! Suddenly the plan changed. Why build a Metal Gear when we can just arm demons? And thus, we created Metal Gear X, the ultimate bioweapon. The best part is this is just one of thousands of demons in Hell. But enough talk, I really must be going. Enjoy X, I’m sure it’ll grant you a swift and painless death.”
With that said, Ocelot presses a button and the chains shackling X dematerialize. He escapes through a hidden door while X slowly rises. Sonic and Snake start shooting at the monstrosity but it blocks all of the bullets with its talons. In retaliation it stomps on the ground, disorienting the two.
“This is no good!” shouts Snake, “I’m about to run out of bullets.”
Just then, the room fills with a blinding white light. As the light dims, the figure of Silver the hedgehog appears.
2/3 (oops)
“Silver?” Sonic blurts out in disbelief.
“Sonic, I sensed you were in danger so I came here to help. You take care of X, I’ll seal the rift to Hell. Take these!”
Silver throws a sack of Chaos Emeralds toward Sonic, who then turns into Super Sonic.
“Snake,” says Sonic, “get out of here as fast as you can. I’ve got this.”
“I’m not leaving you behind!”
“You may be strong Snake but you’re no superhuman, nor are you well equipped. Take your gun and leave X to me.”
Snake swallows his pride and retreats as Sonic heads toward X. Silver delves into the pits of Hell to shut the gate. Thanks to the infinite power of the Chaos Emeralds, Sonic manages to destroy X is one strike. Silver isn’t as lucky.
“Sonic!” he shouts, “I can’t return once I seal this gate; it’ll take all of my power. Go catch up with Snake, the amount of energy required to seal this will cause an explosion that will engulf this room in flames.”
“Silver! I’m not losing you! There has to be another way!”
“There is no other way, Sonic. It has to end like this. Now go!”
Sonic pleas with Silver to come out, to no avail. Silver has made it clear that this is the only solution.
“You’re really set on this… Okay Silver. Seal the gate. I’ll keep you in my memory.”
“Sonic, it’s been great knowing you. Keep fighting the good fight. Semper fi, my hedgehog brethren.”
The gate slowly shuts as Sonic leaves the base.
“Silver…”
A deafening explosion.
3/3
i got $5 to write all that
>>7735326
Truly, a literary masterpiece.
