>browsed /lit/ for a few months
>started reading through one of those top 100 lists you guys make
>start reading pic related for first time over thanksgiving break
>already into stoicism, so the samana bit hit deep
>decide to try out silence, maybe gain some insights
>amend that to apply only when talking isn't absolutely necessary for class
>don't say a word on car ride back to school
>first night has everyone confused
>some think I'm mad at them
>can only refute by shaking my head emphatically
>nights 2 and 3 go by, SA's asking if everything's okay
>some girls start getting real mad
>"this is stupid, just talk to us"
>"..."
>they only get angrier
>with nothing to say I get less social
>half of floor now concerned, other half angry
>whatever, the contemplation time and appreciation for the minute are worth it
>end up sitting in a corner of the lounge typing paper all that night
>a little stressed by lack of sleep
>decide to blow off steam by typing 'kill me' in notepad whenever I feel like giving up
>finally finish paper
>10:00 a.m.
>go for a walk to get blood moving
>return and pass out in a chair in the lobby
>come to and head up to my floor
>>7421424
cont.
>girl stops me, saying that I need to talk to someone, name's unfamiliar
>she leads me down to building office
>laptop's there
>hall director's there
>"have a seat and close the door"
sweating.jpg
>"some of your friends are very concerned about you"
>"..."
>"they've asked me to talk to you"
>"..."
>"we found the phrase 'kill me' written over 70 times on your laptop and they said you dissappeared today"
>"If you ever feel like hurting yourself, it's okay to talk to someone"
what.jpg
>"I understand you haven't been talking lately, but I need you answer some questions"
>spend 15 minutes trying to explain spiritual journeys/mention siddartha
>she doesn't understand, just gives me concerned looks
>end up barely bullshitting my way off the suicide watchlist
>"you look a little sedated"
>"I've been up for over 24 hours"
>"mmmkay, were there any drugs or alcohol ivolved in the last 24 hours"
ohgod.jpg
>she's convinced I'm using
>I don't even drink coffee
>get grilled for another 10 minutes
>get laptop back, shamble back to lounge
>everyone looking at me like I just tried to kill myself
>every S.A. in the building asks if I'm doing okay everytime I see them
>even the ones that I was friends with two weeks ago now treat me like anything will push me over the edge
>friends keep trying to make sure I'm okay
>if anyone reports me again, I'll get put on a watchlist
>tfw I just wanted to find enlightenment
fuck you /lit/, and fuck this book
10/10
>>7421424
my favorite part of siddhartha was when Samwise flopped out Frodo's cock and started blowing him. who knew buddha would be so gay?
>>7421444
I didn't think that a little taste of asceticism was going to fuck me over so hard
OP pls
Your devotion to meme philosophies is admirable but next time hide your power level and keep up a normie facade. You can't really expect to be able to live the buddhist monk lifestyle without actually being a buddhist monk.
>directly bringing others further into samsara just to fulfill your own misguided desires of the mind
Is there any being more disgusting than someone who does this?
really? no one else thought Govinda was gay as hell?
>>7421424
>americans
lmao
>>7421433
Wait, so you read the book, tried it out, and got an entertaining adventure out of it? Sounds like a pretty good time to me.
>>7421463
You have to think a few steps ahead you idiot that's what being an adult is about fucking lord your 'oh i'm such a romantic' bullshit will kill you juan day
>you'll never row boats and get lost in experiencing the river with Vasudeva
I just want a companion. In those moments of weakness, it all feels so lonely despite knowing that it's really not.
>>7421478
If you want to help free OP from his own misguided ignorance, there's no need to label him in that way.
Wew lad, OP. I hate to say it, but you really missed the point of the book.
Like >>7421478 said, not only did you not find enlightenment, but you just caused a lot of harm to others in the process.
It seems, however, like you are interested in Buddhism. And indeed, when it's practiced correctly, it is very rewarded and can lead to the prospect of "enlightenment." However, perhaps the first thing you should realize is that you are not an ascetic monk, and you can't just remove yourself from society. You don't, however, have to be a hermit monk to find happiness of enlightenment. Read some literature on buddhism and you'll slowly get a better understanding of what the practice is that leads to liberation:
www.accesstoinsight.org Explore the literature on this site for a while.
>>7421471
Basically this. This is attempted in the Razor's Edge in the real world to a lesser degree and the dude is still fucked over by being a ascetic who functions in the real world.
>>7421484
Bro, he's just a bad cliche of a "follower" created as a foil so Siddhartha has someone to talk to and to be compared to as he takes a different, independent path. I love Hesse but his literary devices are so fucking obvious that they make me mad at times.
>>7421546
Pretty sure he wanted the D
>>7421521
Yeah I'm with you. The only times I feel the hardcore lonely is when I desire someone on a spiritual, philosophical level that I can bond with. Don't even have to believe the same way, I just want to share that sort of experience with someone who gets it, even as it remains unspoken, just understood.
>>7421424
>doesn't talk for three days
>piss off everyone around you by autism levels even beyond the average 4chan user
>'kill me' written over 70 times on your laptop
OP have you considered the possibility that you are in fact crazy
>>7421553
He can if you want. It doesn't make a difference to the story either way. I mean, if slash is your main priority and all, bro.
Siddhartha never took a vow of silence.
The other Samanas weren't even totally silent.
The book made me wanna fast.
>>7421433
How about fuck your ridiculous edge and juvenile attempts at spirituality instead?
It's less shameful to pretend you really tried to kill yourself than to admit this idiocy, 2bh.
>>7421531
OP here, thanks. Wew lad, I ducked up.
>not mentioning the river
what the hell are you doing
I can't wait to see this on r/4chan later
please include me in the screencap OP XDXDXD
>>7421924
We in burgerland believe that anyone trying to improve themselves without telling everyone about it is obviously crazy or is about to kill themselves or others.
I wish I lived in the East.
>>7421433
I might try this out for a day.
>>7421933
A non-shithole in Europe wouldn't really mind if you actually told people what you were trying to do.
>>7421444
I've never read the book so can you explain what OP was doing exactly?
>>7421984
using a sub par book to justify his sheepish cry for help during angsty teen depression.
>>7421933
>I wish I lived in the East.
Leave then. Good riddance.
>>7421988
What is the silence supposed to achieve? So if anyone tried to converse with him he would just stare at them in silence like an autist?
>>7422013
The silence is supposed to achieve time for contemplation and reflection instead of chattering along and never looking inwards.
The vow of silence is supposed to be for buddhist monks not for normal people although you could still carry it out, it's just that the people around OP are retarded and easily angered.
>>7421988
Nah senpai, OP here. I'm by no means depressed. I'm quite happy and was really just hoping to gain some appreciation for the value of words and some for the details that can go unnoticed if you're too busy talking.
>>7422036
>OP threatens suicide
>OP says he's happy
sure.
>trying silence
>not any of the self-harm or fasting practices
W E A K
E
A
K
>>7422046
b-but anon :(
So did you ever get past the second chapter?
You got memed son
>>7422537
Finished it during the week
I cringed really hard at this because I did the same thing when I was like 12. I wasn't dumb enough to keep it up though, even I could see the problem with giving people the wrong impression of stuff.
>>7422022
this is bullshit, how do you expect people to react when someone suddenly starts to ignore them?
>>7421424
>actually leaving your laptop alone in a publicly accessible lounge
naive freshmen desu
>>7421521
Vasudeva was a fine companion but it seemed to me that the river was the bigger friend.
>>7421924
I live in America and this was my exact thought.
It would be pretty easy to go through an idea day of classes without talking. Especially if you didn't mind seeming a little rude.
The "type kill me 70 times on notepad" part of the story is the ridiculous part. The only reason anyone would see that is if you were being an edgy faggot and left it open on purpose.
>>7421603
same but then I get hungry
>>7421433
Damn dude. Silence isn't necessarily physical. Learn to abide in silence while talking.
>>7421433
Good fiction, thank you
>>7423214
I'm with this guy! Definitely raising some eyebrows in this thread. . .
>Stop talking
>Have people care about your well being
Must be nice being a normie REEEEEEEEE
>>7423269
>tfw I mostly speak to myself every day
>tfw the only people I talk to are myself and my parents over the phone
>>7423276
>he doesn't live with his parents and/or he leaves the house
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>>7423282
sorry
I'm living with my parents in a month. I have to finish college and work. :(
>>7421996
Waiting for Bernie to get elected so I can live another 8 years off of you fuckers
>>7423387
You know Hillary's going to win, right?
>>7423387
What are you even talking about. Do you live off welfare in Seattle or something?
>not sticking a note on yourself explaining what the fuck you're doing
unless you enjoy aggravating the shit about people who, at least shallowly, give a shit about you
that aside, used to do this every few months in sophomore and junior year when i got sick of small-talk. quite peaceful.
>>7421443
severely underrated post
>>7423387
>>7421607
>tfw you will never have the balls to self immolate
>>7423482
>tfw it's almost 4 AM here
>tfw I've lost control of my life
>>7423429
I should have done that
>>7421478
>>7421444
Fuck still OP at 4:41 am. These two have been racking me with guilt all night. This whole thing has. I posted it here hoping that y'all could gain at least a bit of entertainment out of it. I need some guidance the childish comment really did strike my deepest insecurities right on the head.
Time for bed. I'll be back this afternoon.
>>7422046
he never threatened suicide
>>7423889
close enough.
>>7423387
What state do you live in?
ITT: people can't recognize a good piece of greentext fiction. get with the times
>>7425795
I'm afraid that it isn't fiction. I fucked up real bad. The guilt about 'dragging others even deeper into samsara' as on anon put it is still weighing really heavy on my mind.
>>7426248
Did it never occur to you to just write a small note to someone explaining it? Literally could just carry around a piece of paper letting people know you were okay.
>They're people on /lit/ that think Siddhartha is about Buddhism
It's barely even about asceticism.
>>7426298
yeah, this thread has made that idea abundantly clear to me. It was entirely my fault for being so stupid about it.
>>7421471
nothing in that book has much to do with Buddhist philosophy or being a Buddhist monk.
Furthermore, what about following the bodhisattvayana or the atiyogatantrayana? Neither require you to be a monk but both entail bona fide a Buddhist lifestyle as a layperson.
>>7421531
>but you really missed the point of the book.
Which was what exactly? It is more about a Brahmin approach than anything that of Buddhism.
>but you just caused a lot of harm to others in the process
Buddhism isn't Jainism, often harming others is unfortunately part of the process by necessity. The Buddha harmed his friends and family when he left and refused to come back, especially his father by abandoning him.
Read the Khaggavisana Sutta, it blatantly entails abandoning everyone.
>You don't, however, have to be a hermit monk to find happiness of enlightenment.
However, in the Pali Sutta this isn't so clear, and this is still a point of scholarly debate. The few laypeople which are possibly relayed as achieving enlightenment (which isn't for certain and explicit in the texts), practiced formal sitting meditation for a substantial portion of their daily routine.
It wasn't until much later was this "laypeople can reach enlightenment" thing taken more seriously, and even in the bodhisattvayana or the atiyogatantrayana, which was theoretically more approachable for laypeople, it only provided any real sort of success to full blown "lay yogis", who practiced most of the time and lived a quasi-hermit lifestyle.
This modern idea that a random person who sits for 40 minutes a day (and maybe 2 hours on the weekends) has any real chance of the enlightenment talked about in Buddhism, is simply ignorant about what these traditions actually claim. Often this idea is used to rationalize the lack of renunciation so common among the hipster "Buddhists".
>>7427610
gross
>>7421433
to "refrain from idle speak" does not mean to act like an autistic robot. you aren't a monk and you will lose participation points in class, as you should.
