What do you guys think of my novel's opening sentence?
>For the past five years, Brandon Cooper had lived in a warzone in which death could appear around any corner, in which patience was not a virtue, in which footsteps meant trouble, silence meant even bigger trouble, and camping, for any reason, was a mortal sin; this is all to say that Brandon was the infamous xChaosWolfx, snack-food devourer and Counter-Strike: Global Offensive player to the bitter fucking end.
Nice moar
Trash
>>7361253
It feels awkward to me because you're not using parallel structure.
I'd personally revise it to be more like:
>For the past five years, Brandon Cooper had lived in a warzone in which death could appear around any corner, patience was not a virtue, footsteps meant trouble, silence meant even bigger trouble, and camping, for any reason, was a mortal sin; this is to say that Brandon was the infamous xChaosWolfx, snack-food devourer and Counter-Strike: Global Offensive player to the bitter fucking end.
I think it's trash, but it works well enough for the trashy effect you're going for.
I've always wondered why there's no "Western" online gaming book in the form of a Japanese light novel.
>>7361253
can i pay for this in advance?
OP here.
The novel opens with Brandon Cooper playing Counter-Strike: Global Offensive, but that's not what the story's about. It's actually about Counter-Strike 1.6 and the history of a server that blinks to life in 2002 and then goes dark in 2015. Over the thirteen years the novel covers, the server is run by a guy whose name is Hammer, who starts the server when he's only fourteen. As the years pass, a cast of regulars appears, disappears, and reappears. New people show up, veterans return. Clans are formed. Tryouts are held. Forums drama threatens the community. In the end, it's just Hammer. He doesn't recognize anybody anymore. People treat him like shit. Nobody posts on the server forums. Finally, he pulls the plug. All that's left are the memories.
>>7361303
I'm on it, always liked the moon people light novels, fast and easy just how I like my women.
>>7361314
I've had similar feels on revisiting old IRC channels, all of them deserted. Could be good. Could be too try-hard.
>>7361286
>xChaosWolfx
sounds like a parody of gamer names ten years ago. too cheap
>camping . . . was a mortal sin
is this CS:GO or call of duty?
>snack-food devourer
say something more specific. and drop "devourer" and its too-obvious mock-epic tone. I'd go for something like
>frequent buyer of Kirkland Signature™ oatmeal raisin cookies
or
>consumer of one box of orange juice per day
(a la Kripparian)
